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There those crazy thoughts are again! I’ve been waiting for you. I’ve been waiting to shut you down! You will not affect my night!

i’ve been having troubles in my relationship. it’s been very one sided on feelings and by that i mean i’ve realized i’ve been too focused on mine rather than remembering the fact that my partner has feelings too. that he can get mentally exhausted also. i thought that maybe i needed to work on myself more and i do i know that to be true. i apologized to him for just realizing that. we’re learning to really come together on both of us being better for each other. the progress we have made has made us proud, but still i find myself going back to those thoughts and feelings. i’ve gotten better communicating those to him. he understands that i can overthink, he just still questions why id even think that way to begin with. back early in our relationship, i used to be so confident on his feelings for me. it doesn’t matter how many times he tells me or shows me, i still fall into questioning what if he doesn’t really want to be with me. what if he’s getting ready to leave and find someone better. when i ask him a question about what i’m thinking in that moment, i can just see in his face the shock because we would be having such a normal moment. i’ll question his ego and wonder if he feels like we’re equals as if he thinks he’s better than me. he can look at me a certain way and i’ll question what he really thinks of me. i’ll apologize to him for things that i can’t help when he’s not even affected by whatever it is I’m apologizing for. i’ll imagine him at his worst when he’s given me no reason to believe he’s that person i can see in my head. sometimes i get worried that i’m doing something just to upset him. i want to be better for him, he doesn’t deserve to have to constantly reassure me if we’re okay.

Friday something happened to me. I worked very hard, way too hard & i was exhausted but pushed myself to make the work done. When i was finished i started to get very dizzy & i was exhausted & a little bit ugh. When i got back home, my thoughts suddenly went: hey, have you done something evil outside, did you do something bad? I was confused but exhausted. And later i went back in my memory rethinking & reliving the situation. But the images i saw are disturbing & the more i try to remember, the more images which makes you question about the reality, while i know that it's not true. But my mind tries to make me believe i did something very bad. It's like a chapter you dont really remember. And the images are like, a horror movie. Im so scared. How do i need to handle this? How to stop the images? And how to not believe it? Because it feels so real, it scares the Fuck out of me. I dont remember the exaxt situation, so im reliving the situation with my image thinking, but it feels like it's getting twisted. Help me please. What do i need to do. Any advice. Help. Comfort words. Anything

a couple hours ago, my mum was drinking juice from a glass cup and a small piece of it broke of mid drinking and got stuck in her tongue and she pulled it out but she was bleeding a lot and then i went with her to our local pharmacy in which they told us that it will heal and to just use some numbing medication that they recommended for us (i told her not to take it immediately just incase it stung or caused a bigger issue), the bleeding has consistently stopped and started since then and we got in touch with our doctor who told us to go the a&e but my mum hates going there because of the waiting time so she then called 111 who told her that they'll call back in the next six hours (it's been around two hours since), i've been constantly googling her symptoms and everything says she needs to go to a&e but she says she feels better and that it isn't serious but i think over researching has made me on edge and earlier i was feeling so sickly anxious and i did not know what to do and the pharmacy guy from earlier didn't help ease my anxiety as much as my friend's sister did who is also a pharmacist but maybe that's because i know her and have familial trust ??? (if that's the word) but i'm really worried because the internet and 111 operator were talking about seizures and now im worried she'll have one and nobody will catch it because we'll all be sleeping and i'm not sure that i'll even be able to sleep tonight. also my room has never been so messy at least not in awhile as i have nothing to do but i will get to it either tomorrow or wednesday !! i just really need some anxiety relief because it feels like my brain is working overtime and i hate it so much.

Hey guys, I’m new to dating, and I keep worrying that I won’t feel attracted enough to the person I’m dating (I’m not dating anyone right now btw 😭). Like, what if I don’t get wet enough or just don’t get turned on? Whenever I see someone cute on a dating app, I start imagining having sex with them to “test” if I’d be attracted to them, and it’s so frustrating because I just don’t know. 😔 Does anyone have advice? I just wanna enjoy dating without overthinking all of this.

I think this one really depends on who you have surrounding you, of course I can understand that it can’t be easy to live around someone with ocd, but I do believe that sometimes people can be overly harsh? I don’t want to invalidate the feelings of the people who live around me, but I also hate the fact that I have to feel completely responsible for a disorder that I never asked to have in the first place. I’ll have my parents talk to me about how much my disorder “stresses them out”, and while yes of course I can understand that, I just wish that they could see that a) I try when I can, and b) it’s also extremely difficult FOR ME TOO. Sometimes they talk to me and describe my ocd as if it’s something that I want to live with, it’s absolutely NOT. I can’t expect someone who doesn’t live with it to understand every small thing about what it’s like, but I just wish that they could see that it’s harder than it looks, not engaging in compulsions is so difficult, it’s like if I was to ask one of them to blindly walk into a room, the room will either be completely safe, or the room will have no floor, and they’ll fall into a deep pool of man-eating piranhas, they probably wouldn’t want to take that risk. Yet that’s how it can feel every time someone with ocd says no to engaging in a compulsion or ritual. Uncertainty, fear, discomfort. I just wish that they could see that too

I am not sure if this is caused by my ocd. But I am not sure what sexuality I am and well at first everyone would call me a stud saying I’m gay but in reality it’s only because I don’t have a feminine face or a feminine body & I’m flat both front and back. And well at first i identify with being nonbinary then I went as transgender but now i identify with my gender as a biological girl. But I also never dated and you can say I am unattractive I’m ugly which is why I can never see myself in a relationship both romantic and sexual because of my body my face my everything. And I have only been asked out like twice, and from what I know only 3 people have had a crush on me before. And well the first time was my online friend but I rejected and still wanted to be friends, while I was in 5th grade my classmate kept bugging me that my friend liked me I was so disgusting I was so rude to him to the point he stopped liking me, and after three years we began into good friends. Another time was when my trans friend told a girl she liked me and that friend told me I was so confused and well me and that friend was also kinda going distance so I was weirded out but not really. While recently a guy confessed and I rejected I gagged and didn’t sleep the whole night because I was so disgusted. I rejected him pretty harshly and blocked him after. And lowkey full offense those guys were kinda chopped but so am I. And I have only ever loved one guy in my life I can say love or like because I just knew it. While for girls I mean I never had a crush like that before but every time I see a pretty girl I think to myself wow she’s so skinny or wow she’s so pretty and I sometimes feel like I am no better than a man. But I also think about guys like that like wow he’s so fine n stuff. But I can never imagine myself being with someone let alone someone way more attractive than me. I can also never flirt like that it’s so cheesy. But I do read yaoi but no yuri huh. And I’ll just be honest here I also do touch myself to m girls and sometimes both girls that are on the hub so that’s why I’m confused on what I like. I’d also be super scared to give my virginity to a dude like what if they cheat on me which so why if I ever do it will be someone I will marry so that if he does cheat atleast we promised each other idk. I did take a test and I thought I was going to be lesbian but it turns out I was ace sexual but idk I feel like I can be with a pretty girl but not a pretty boy, the guy I liked was pretty skinny and like a twink but wasn’t gay. Not sure I hope someone can help me with these questions.

I have not had OCD my entire life. I understand the before and after, and the after is 100x worse. Did we lose the brain lottery or something? There are pieces of sh*t who walk this earth with better peace of mind than people with OCD. This has made life and myself nothing but negative things. I'm a worse person today because of OCD. I'm more difficult to be around, I have no peace of mind, etc. This shouldn't even exist as a neurological possibility. I'm sure people with bipolarisim, or autism, or whatever probably feel the same way. I'm struggling how to view OCD itself other than a big fat curse on this ONE life we have. There is no "life lesson" here, there is no "silver lining" here, there is just the cold and dreaded reality of probably having to struggle with this bs for the rest of your life. There are different ways to look at this. Cold hard cause and effect and logic, philosophically, spiritually, etc. On a spiritual view, where is the supposed "life lesson?" "Everything happens for a reason!" blah blah blah. Would I rather have a missing leg or OCD? That's a real question. At least with a physical injury you eventually get over it and it's not on your mind messing with your happiness and outlook on life 24/7. Sorry if I'm pessimistic and bitter bit that's OCD has done to me after several years.

ik ps can look like and act like anyone but i am scared Ik the stereotype of a p is someone who is like shut in, no friends, unattractive, corn addiction Before all this i already had bad social anxiety and critical about my looks, but at least then i knew the problem was just i had to work on lke people skills and self esteem Like i was just an average loser college girl and thats it But now any compassion or assurance i have in myself is completely gone. I feel fear when i look in the mirror and feel ugly, because it feels im already that stereotype and already a p. I fear that because of my looks i was always just going to end up a horrible person because my self esteem made me look for attention in bad places and be exposed to horrific things, i wasnt able to experience normal relationships like other girls But it was all my choice to do those things!! At the time i just felt miserable and insecure and honestly just didnt put enough effort into normal human interaction I just dont feel like a normal person!! Like i know theres nothing special about me but i feel like an alien Ive always considered alt clothing to be cool but i feel like in some way if id start wearing alt clothing Ill fullfill some sort of stereotype like its just manifesting like itll happen So i just want to resort to free and “clean” looking ways of dress idk?? Also i watched a video talking about how someones name like “manifests” their future like Usain BOLT - fastest man alive And im just like was i always DESTINED to become/be a horrible sick person ??? As for the addiction i cold turkeyed stopped interacting with it after my thoughts starting coming in because i was so horrified that maybe it started to rewire my brain and i was becoming or already became a monster But now im thinking because ik a p can be literally anyone doesnt matter what they look like that makes it worse because its like its coming for me theres no hope it doesnt matter if i try to prevent it I feel sick

Hi all, Before I discovered OCD, I truly thought there was something deeply wrong with me. I struggled significantly to get my feet back under me. I cried endlessly, did not sleep, lost an unhealthy amount of weight, isolated myself, and seriously contemplated giving up on all my dreams. Initially, I was working with a therapist who knew nothing of OCD, did not believe in a diagnosis, and was trying to teach me that CBT was the solution. Now, by no means is this a knock on this therapist or CBT—this is a method that can absolutely help people. For me, I was doing CBT as a wicked compulsion. Constantly battling or “reframing” my thoughts to neutralize or counter them. It was a vicious cycle that lasted over a year. The lack of progress really impacted my confidence too. Finally, it got so bad that I just broke down and went to the doctors. My primary care physician was helpful and listened to my situation. She prescribed me Lexapro and redirected me to a psychiatrist. It was there I fully learned what OCD was. It was tough to accept that I suffer from a real disorder. I never thought that was going to be in my cards, but the sooner you accept, the better. It is what it is… onward. OCD is exhausting. It really tries to ruin everything that matters to you. For me, that was my family, my friends, my faith, my job, my sense of normality. It will break your heart. Now, for the good news…. It doesn’t have to do this. You can absolutely overcome OCD. I have come such a long way… I’m still learning… still getting better… I ABSOLUTELY have moments every day. But they do not cripple as they once did. The turning point was A: Medication. As someone who was once against medication, this was a huge pill for me to swallow ( no pun intended ), but the amount of room this has given me to do my ERP is astounding. Nothing to be ashamed of with medication; however, it is not a cure! The real work is with ERP and when my therapist ( who is awesome ) taught me these responses, it all started to click. * Intrusive Thought Shows Up * My response: “Yep, that’s totally going to happen— can’t wait, actually.” Or Response: “I guess we’ll find out one way or another— I’ll keep doing me.” I’ve learned that OCD is a disorder about the need for control/certainty. Control what you can control, trust yourself, and lose the need for certainty. Embrace the anxiety when it comes. Be one with the anxiety. Let it be there while you do what you need to do. Lastly, I found some great OCD accounts on social media that were great. Just be careful not to use them as compulsions. Just little tricks and tips along the way that I found helpful. Like I said, I still have moments…. Quite a few, haha! I’ll always have OCD, but my response to it has improved, and I will continue to work at it every day. You got this.

A few days ago my sisters boyfriend is coming over and I was jealous because I feel like my boyfriend is supposed to be only guy that can come over I know it sounds toxic but whatever ( my sister moved in with us to get her life together and she got a new boyfriend) . She asked me to ask my boyfriend if he wants to come with us to the mall and I was happy and I imagined us on like a double date but sadly he worked. The day we were gonna meet my sisters boyfriend and I was getting ready because we were going to the mall and I did my hair and I felt pretty . And then I’m like am I being pretty for him? When my sister’s boyfriend actually came over, I saw him through the window and noticed his arms, which reminded me of Erick. I felt shocked, happy, and sad at the same time. Then I saw my mom talking to him and laughed because the way he nodded reminded me of my boyfriend . My mom asked me how my boyfriend was, and for a second my brain almost connected my boyfriend with my sister’s boyfriend, then I caught myself and remembered that my boyfriend was at work. I also felt like I didn’t care for my boyfriend was at work, but then I pouted and wondered if I was just acting. Then we went to the mall and my mom wanted me to get her water and I didn’t really want to go because it was awkward and I was shy . Then I saw the guy and I asked for water and he looked at me and it’s like “ oh he looked at me so he must think I’m pretty” and I stoped it and I’m like TF And I felt weird like why did I feel that? I remember being awkward around my sister’s boyfriend, but I don’t remember actually having a mini crush on him. However, when I replay the situation now, my brain makes it seem like I was being shy, cute, smiley, and excited to see him, almost like I was single. It feels really real when I replay it, even though I don’t remember feeling that way in the actual moment My brain has also started bringing up old memories from when I was younger where I might have wanted a guy’s attention. I don’t understand why those memories are suddenly appearing now, and then my brain uses them to make the current situation seem like a pattern. Today, while doing dishes, I randomly thought, “Do I really want to experience new love?” My brain immediately started creating images/scenarios around that thought, and they felt very real. Then I remembered my boyfriend and got a heavy feeling in my chest and felt really sad. I started wondering if I was scared or if the sadness meant something else. Overall, I feel like my brain is taking random interactions, old memories, daydreams, thoughts, and feelings and turning them into evidence that I have feelings for other guys or that something has changed with my feelings for my boyfriend . I keep comparing feelings and replaying memories to figure out what is “real.”

Recently I was seeing a woman whom I was initially quite curious about and attracted to. She suggested we go on some walks, and over time I started noticing physical things about her that I felt quite repulsed by — for example, her hair was thin in certain places, she had a noticeable stomach pouch, and I found myself questioning whether I liked her body shape (yes I know this sounds terrible, I’m trying desperately to understand it!) At first I thought this simply meant I had lost attraction to her. But what confused me was how dramatically my feelings seemed to fluctuate. At the beginning of one day I could feel very attracted to her and quite fond of her, and then later that same day I could suddenly feel intensely repulsed by her. I also noticed a pattern around closeness. When she sought closeness or affection from me, I would sometimes feel repulsed and want distance. But when she seemed distant or less interested, I would become very anxious and start yearning for her again. I’m trying to understand whether this kind of push-pull experience can occur with ROCD. Has anyone else experienced strong fluctuations between attraction/affection and repulsion, particularly when a partner becomes closer or more emotionally available?

Recently my psychiatrist has constantly tried to recommend fluoxetine to me for my ocd, yet every time I refuse. Here’s the thing, about a year and a half ago I was on fluoxetine for depressive symptoms, right after going on it I experienced a number of things such as inflated sense of self worth, delusions about those around me, impulsive behaviour that caused harm to both myself and others, unstable but frequent relationships, etc. When I eventually stopped taking it, most of these symptoms disappeared. This was while on the fluoxetine dose for depressive symptoms, the fluoxetine dose for ocd is sometimes higher than the dose for depression/depressive symptoms, as it has a different job to complete in your brain. But I really am hesitant about agreeing to go on it, as I fear it may trigger an episode similar to the one I experienced last time, it affected my relationship with my family, and my overall life, in ways I will never be able to fix entirely, and I don’t want to make that mistake again. I still haven’t been able to figure out why fluoxetine did that to me, but either way I wouldn’t want to risk it again, and especially not when on an even higher dose.

At the end of July I was introduced to a guy who was really into me and we started talking. I am someone who doesn’t participate in hookup culture or anything (nothing wrong with it I personally just know I get attached) but I eventually lost my virginity to him. Right after, he told me he wasn’t in the correct headspace for a relationship and didn’t want to get my hopes up because he has a lot of stuff going on in his life and is feeling depressed and he didn’t want to hurt me. I honestly believed him because he got emotional and he was super sweet at first. Like if he noticed I look sad or anything he would always check on me and stuff like that and tell me how amazing and pretty I am. He was super nice and showed he cared about me after for a while and we did it a couple more times but then he kind of started to get distant after a bit. I honestly feel like he was playing mind games with me to try to keep me around but by doing the bare minimum. We would talk a few times a week but I knew this wasn’t enough for me and almost removed him off everything because I was starting to get sad. I knew I deserved better but I guess I was still holding onto all the good and sweet moments we had together. Then two weeks ago today, he was texting me all night and eventually asked me to come over and I did. Then the whole week after we didn’t talk and he eventually stopped responding to me. I thought that was weird because he hasn’t really done that to me before. Fast forward a few more days and I see a post of him and another girl. I found out he got a girlfriend right after I last slept with him. I feel so betrayed and lied to and having OCD has made me feel worse about this whole thing. All of my friends didn’t like him anyways and they have all been great and have really been there for me and supported me, but I can’t shake this feeling I have. I cried a lot after the initial shock of all of this, and I have been sleeping a lot and can’t really get myself to eat. I constantly feel like I’m going to throw up because of this whole situation and my brain keeps randomly putting the image in my brain of him and the other girl together. This is tough for me because I always knew I deserve better than what he offered me but it still hurts because I feel like he was just telling me what he knew I would want to hear to get me to sleep with him, especially because I told him I don’t do meaningless hookups and he told me multiple times he didn’t see me like that and that I’m not just a hookup to him. Has anyone else been in a situation like this that knows how to stop these thought loops and how to cope? I also feel like I’m going to have a hard time trusting again.

Well, here we go again. For most of my late teenage years, I struggled with intrusive POCD thoughts. At one point, an extremely disturbing image came into my mind of me watching and getting off to child sexual abuse material. I eventually managed to move past it and understood that trying to work out whether it was a real memory or an OCD-created image was only making things worse. Recently, though, it has come back very strongly, and it feels incredibly real again. I avoid porn websites now because I’m terrified of accidentally coming across something disturbing. Social media can be difficult too, because I’ve previously been exposed to extremely graphic and disturbing videos without choosing to see them, including when I was younger, and those experiences have stayed with me. My OCD can even make me question whether I enjoyed seeing things that I know I found deeply upsetting. This current intrusive image has been causing me an enormous amount of distress. I feel ashamed and disgusted by it, even though the thought itself is completely unwanted. I’ve found myself thinking that I don’t deserve anything good because of it, and at my worst I’ve become suicidal because I couldn’t cope with the guilt and fear. I don’t want to go down that route again. I’m trying to remind myself that I don’t need to solve whether an intrusive image was a memory, an imagination, or something else. What matters is that I’m experiencing OCD and that I’m going to work on it rather than investigating it. Has anyone else experienced OCD turning an intrusive image into uncertainty about whether it was a memory? I’d really appreciate hearing about people’s experiences with dealing with the uncertainty and moving forward, rather than trying to establish whether a particular memory was real.

I need help on this since I plan to get them to sign it on Monday and to turn it in on Tuesday,, but basically due to a mental survery result my counselor brought me down and offered assistance. I may finally get help (in school) and counseling, but here's the catch: One of my parents need to sign some papers that ask for insurance, info, and stuff like that.. it seems serious but they need to do that in order for me to get the help. And with parents who don't really understand my mental struggles. :,) I don't know how to ask how to get them to sign the things, how can I ask them? Because if I say "it's for in school therapy" they're going to say "and why do you need that?" And there's a chance I might get lectured a little.. I just don't know how to go about it.

Hi, I joined this app because I was recently diagnosed with OCD. I’ve been diagnosed with PTSD for seven years now, but now I also have this OCD diagnosis, and I don’t know how to determine my “type”, or what will help me. I ruminate on past mistakes, traumatic events, fear of a loved one dying suddenly, thinking about death/what happens when we die, and I am paranoid about people, even my friends, liking me to the point I’ll analyze past conversations and seek reassurance. My intrusive thoughts are the worst, though. I’ll think really vivid thoughts that have happened in the past or haven’t happened at all. The thoughts don’t go away and randomly pop up. Like, I imagine my stepmom calling me to tell me my dad died.. I imagine a shooting happening at my boyfriend’s office when I say goodbye to him in the morning, and then I cry like it is the last time I’ll see him. I imagine opening Netflix and seeing a documentary about a traumatic event I experienced involving an incarcerated loved one. It’s just a really scary, dark place to be in, and most days I don’t know what’s going on. I’ve read that pushing the thoughts away too hard make them come back more, but I don’t know how to, I guess, softly push them away? I love my therapist, I’ve made great progress with her. I’ve been doing EMDR therapy which has been helpful, but she hasn’t suggested ERP therapy yet. I honestly don’t know if I could handle ERP therapy, like I might re-traumatize myself. I just feel like my PTSD and OCD is tangled up, and it feels so complicated. I don’t know how to identify my OCD “type”, how to control my intrusive thoughts, or what kind of help I need. Anybody experienced this? Any help or advice at all?

hello, I feel like my OCD is coming back, I had these thoughts last year from April until October-November, I felt a pressure in my chest and these thoughts and I'm very scared, it feels much stronger than last time, I'm not diagnosed but it's ruining my life.I don't know what to do, I'm really panicked and I've seen videos that triggered me really badly. I am not diagnosed. I thought all the thoughts were gone because I had them very, very rarely and they didn't bother me :(

Please read !!! Has anyone felt like their symptoms worsened after therapy sessions? right before I started them I was getting to a place of peace by myself with my own inner work but when I talk about when I was deeply disturbed by my thoughts to my therapist it brings it back up all over again- does this mean I still have stuff to heal? Or am I hurting myself more for no reason?

Hey, not sure if this is ocd related but I don't have many other places to talk about this and I need a neutral perspective and advise. In this instance I have a friend who has a brother who've i met before but haven't known much. Recently we all went to a bar and I invited my bestie together. It was a nice lgbtq event and everyone was super chatty and friendly. We exchanged contacts, yapped and all that. In a couple of day my friend tells me that her brother has a massive crush on my bestie. This is where it becomes complex - i kinda like that brother. (On top of that bestie not very much into dating rn). Anyway it's a week later and I learnt they're texting. Not anything crazy from what I know just viking. Brother studies something my bestie is interested in but he might like him too idk. So now I'm in an awkward position kinda wingmaning my bestie and him together with his sister and idk whomst to tell or if I even should. The ocd part is that I can't stop thinking about him. He even appeared in my dreams and it's becoming annoying. I have issues moving on and get attached fast so finding a new crush will only do damage. For now I'm keeping myself distracted or trying but it still gets to me. EXTRA INFO. I told bestie someone we met at the bar likes him to see if he's interested. He seemed puzzled and unsure and said he'd need to think. I did also tell him I liked that person kinda. Idk if important. Oh and I'm wingmaning bc I feel bad and awkward not to bc I'm like the in-between connection who knows both sides and it'd be awkward to say no?! Idk boundaries are weird. :[ So how do I act? What do I do? Help?