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the NOCD Community

To those of you who feel like there’s no escape or feel like this is the end for you trust me it’s not I have been dealing with pocd for about a year now over one small intrusive thought thats felt so real to me and is hard to detach from however little by little I have detached some days are harder than others but please do not give up do not make yourself feel like you’re a bad person because you are not if any one of you wants to talk about your pocd and needs help don’t hesitate to talk to me about whats happening I know it can be a hard thing to handle but together we can overcome this!

Is doubting that I have ocd and that it could be something else Common?

Its nice knowing im not the only one who doesnt enjoys going out and is introverted, the sad truth is just that deep down im not an introvert but hocd made me one. I cant not be an introvert theres too much anxiety for me to enjoy being an extrovert again. It hurts knowing that im missing out of hella fun i wouldve had if i didnt had hocd

Idk if it's a kind of OCD or just normal stuff but have any of you ever believed in psychologic facts or studies? I haven't been to keen about them but ever since I realized I have OCD I kind of started believing them more. Like my brain could go for hours comparing my thoughts and the psychological facts and I now believe them to be true like they claim to be :(

I have missed three college classes because of my depression and anxiety which lead to my OCD being triggered. I did a dumb thing last night. In my haste of getting out of my toxic living situation to spend the night at a loved one’s house, I left a candle burning. I light candles because I am very sensitive to smells and my roommates leave the apartment a mess with trash and dirty dishes. This resulted in the fire alarm going off last night and my roommate had to take care of it. After I take my meds for the night, I am pretty much out of it. I become sedated. She called at 1:30 AM but I didn’t hear it, leaving her to deal with it. Behind a locked door my candle burned, and I was just stupid to not even remember to blow it out before I left. Come the next morning, I apologized profusely. But I can’t help but feel like a total ditz. A waste of space and a neusance to those around me. It’s really hard. I cannot even move a muscle to get to that class. My ocd is keeping me in my room because it smells so bad everywhere else in the apartment. And now that I can’t light a candle out of embarrassment, I’m spraying Mrs. Meyers peony surface cleaning spray on my fan to make my room smell less like trash. It’s all OCD, and I feel worthless and helpless.

Hocd has ruined sex for me and I have not ever tried it :( my anxiety can not take it that what if I don’t like it. Also my hocd is saying I don’t find penis attractive anymore so I can not even fantasize about it because my head says I don’t like it so it’s feels I don’t like it :( with girls it’s feels nothing it’s annoying I don’t get anxious part but I don’t wanna do it in irl but it’s feels like I have to then because it’s almost feels like I want it :(

I've realized I haven't had an intense strong crush in a year and now I'm worried. What if anxiety made an asexual aromantic. What if I'll never meet someone I will love. What if I'll feel like this forever. I don't want to neither asexual, aromantic nor lesbian. I see all these cute guys but I don't feel that dizzy feeling now. Which worries me

OCD is playing with exposure therapy & has turned my life into a twisted game of "let's see how far we can go with exposures until your life is backwards, with everything the way you don't want it to be". Out of all my OCD themes, this is by far the worst & the hardest to shake off. In some ways, I don't understand what's happening. I used to be able to conquer OCD themes by experiencing my obsessions and not doing compulsions. Now, OCD is adding extra nonsense to this technique & it's really hard to ignore the thoughts being thrown my way. First, they come in the form of intrusive thoughts pretending to be exposures. Next, I worry I've followed through with the thoughts, which creates more problems. As an example, if I first get the obsession of "What if dropped some money over there?" And my compulsion is to check to make sure I didn't, my mind quickly jumps to this new thought of "Now go drop $50 and habituate to that. Make it your new reality. Get 100% comfortable with it, or else you're doing treatment incorrectly." It's like the OCD has switched from the initial trigger/obsession/compulsion to this new fear about how to expose and habituate. Basically feeling like I need to prove to myself that I'm 100% comfortable with dropping moderate amounts of money on the go. There's a lot of anxiety, guilt and shame around this new fear. Another example is when I'm taking a shower. Initially my thought is "What if I didn't rinse all the shampoo/soap off", so I go back once or twice to double check it's rinsed. BUT THEN my mind jumps to "Now Everytime you get out of the shower, put pumps of soap/shampoo on yourself, leave it to dry, and never rinse it off. Habituate to it. This is your new reality." I hate this, I don't understand what my mind is doing. Now I'm trying to figure out if I have alot of soap on my body dried because my mind demanded me to do that as an "exposure". Same with the demand to drop $50 and "habituate". This feels like it's never going to stop. I just want to get back to how I've been able to conquer OCD in the past (Experience the Obsession, Don't Perform the Compulsion), but I'm losing hope of getting back to that place.

I need some advice if anyone is willing to listen. So before i met my husband i was in a relationship with this guy who I knew when i was 13, he was 5 years older then me. When i was 17 we started talking and ended up dating it was a pretty toxic situation but i thought i was happy and was really naive. I had the best sex with him and had a lot of passion/infatuation with him. One night we were asleep and he woke up and kinda forced himself on my when i was still asleep i woke up and did nothing was just pissed off and felt horrible that he would do that to me. Eventually i broke things off with him after a few attempts. After that i was so happy to be single. I had a lot of ROCD in my last relationship but it was about him leaving me or him hurting me or cheating. Then i had talked to a few guys but something weird happened anytime a guy wanted to get close to me or wanted to hook up which I typically was not down for anyways. I was almost like numb or locked up inside if that makes sense like i was afraid of getting close with someone, yet i still would try to be close or flirt or want intimacy but when it came to it in person id freeze and change my mind all of a sudden. So about 6 month after that toxic relationship i was invited to hang out with my best friend at her new boyfriends house whom i had a small crush on but got over that quick, i met my now husband. He had just moved in to her bfs house and we all kinda hung out, then she asked me to hang out the next day as well so i came iver again and hours later they all left and her bfs roommate asked me if id like to stay with him and hang out, so i said yes he made me food and we watched tv then he kissed me and started to get kinda touchy and wanted to obviously do stuff i wasn’t going to do anything with him but then I decided why not it. Its not a bad thing and i can chose to do so if i want. So over time he wanted to hang out with me everyday and i was afraid of being in a new relationship and wasn’t sure what his intentions were but over time he grew on me and we fell for each other, but I remember there were time when we would have sex id force myself to think about other people to get turned on i felt unattracted to him a lot of the time and now looking back i keep thinking maybe i just really was not attracted to him. At this time i was not aware of my OCD and wasn’t really experiencing anything i was just annoyed by him and would question whether or not i wanted to be with him even tho there were moments where i loved him a lot. Anyways now i have ROCD towards my husband i have had this for about 2 years now sometimes it just so hard to know if we have no sexual chemistry or if its my stupid brain and OCD picking at his flaws or maybe its a mic of my ex being a shitty person and causing me to be afraid of intimacy like I’m uncomfortable having sex sometimes i just want to love my husband and enjoy sex instead of feeling numb and not having orgasms and wondering about all of this crap. Anyways if anyone has had similar experiences or knows anything about PTSD, ROCD that would be so helpful. I just don’t know sometimes if what i’m feeling is 100% ROCD.

Hey guys I am just wondering how do you guys just stop rumination I really need help someone please

Just applied for a new job and at the end they asked if I had any disabilities and they listed a few :Use of Wheelchair, Autism, Blindness, Deafness, and then they listed PTSD and Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. I about died. I didn’t know why it hurts to think of OCD as a disability, but it just does. It hurts like it means I don’t deserve a high paying job. Just thinking about something so personal having to be on file: I have a broken brain. It’s a disgusting feeling. I want to rip this out of me. Is this how the world sees us? Disabled?

harm tw I just self-harmed for the first time in probably four years. I always stopped myself by remembering that my body and mind want to keep me safe but today it just didn’t work. When I tried to stop myself with that reasoning, it just made me angrier. It made me want to hurt myself more because I hate my stupid body and mind and they deserve to suffer. Now I’m miserable because in my family pretty much anyone who self-harms goes straight to the psychiatric hospital. I know I’m in a very bad mental space. I think a lot of my friends know that too because they’ve been avoiding and ignoring me. I’m in a residential hall at college and now I’m just hiding in my room. I’m scared though because my intrusive thoughts are a lot worse right now and I’m terrified that I could possible act out on them. I just feel like it’d be better if I die. I hate myself so much right now and I’m realizing my friends don’t like me much either, so I don’t see the point of sticking around.

Do you sometimes feel like you should just came out and that is it

HOCD Ok so I went to the therapist for the first time and it was horrible. I told her how I feel and she started telling me things like "It's ok to be bisexual or lesbian" and she was basically trying to convince me that I am the whole time. And told her that I know there is nothing wrong with being bisexual or homosexual but she wasn't understanding. I told her that I found out something called HOCD and that I'm having all the symthoms, but she kept saying that there's nothing wrong, that I should follow my heart, etc. Now I'm much more confused and anxious, I don't know if it is actually HOCD or if I'm really bi/lesbian. Please help. Should I stay with this therapist? It was like she wasn't listening to me and she didn't mention even once that it could be HOCD. I'm so confused and frustated.

Does someone have some tips? Like I don't know but my general anxiety has been extremely high regarding my crush. My HOCD has been low but my GAD is so high right now. I feel bad, dizzy and I feel like vomiting :(.

I have struggled with OCD for almost 3 years now. I have days when I feel like I will never feel like my old self the way I was before OCD emerged into my life unexpectedly. My OCD journey started out fearing death as my obsession. I cried for weeks trying to cope with this obsession. My compulsions were simple yet they were purely mental. I would perform my mental compulsion to combat the anxiety that arose from having my death obsession spike. I would think to myself “You’re only 30 you have a long time before you die.” This compulsion would bring my anxiety down from a solid 10 to about a 4 then it would level out until my next spike. After about a month I recovered and felt fairly normal for about a year. Then it hit me one day. My OCD returned with a vengeance. I had a random thought one day...”What if you’ve hurt someone in the past and forgot about it”. This harm obsession became my next obsession. I would have violent thoughts enter my mind. They caused me great distress as I knew deep down this wasn’t me but my OCD tried to constantly convince me that I was this terrible monster of a person capable of these horrible acts of harm. It got so bad that my now ex wife had to drive everywhere we went because I was afraid to drive thinking I would hit someone when I was driving. It continued to get worse I was forced to downgrade to part time at my job and virtually became housebound and reclusive to everyone except my closest family members. I finally decided it was time to seek professional help. I sought out the help of a local psychologist whose specialty included OCD. To make a long story short she was of no help and every time I would visit her she stared out the window behind me and I felt she was ignoring my concerns for the most part. During my 3 month tenure her best piece of advice to battle my OCD was to put a positive picture in my wallet and to get it out and look at it every time I had a spike. I was prescribed Paroxetine by their psychiatrist as well as hydroxyzine to assist my anxiety. Since I realized that my psychologist cared more about her life outside her profession I said to hell with it and stopped seeing her. I continued my medication however. At this time I felt like I was at a dead end. I began researching every piece of information I could get my hands on. I studied the works of several renowned scholars from online sources as well as personal experiences from other OCD sufferers and began to compare them with mine. I began to develop my own techniques to counter my OCD spikes, which I still use to this day and feel that they have improved my well being. Shortly thereafter I discovered this very mobile app and have taken great pride to be part of this community. I feel like everyone here is family because we are all here to help and support each other with the ultimate goal of banishing OCD from existence. I truly feel with everything in me that we the OCD victims hold the key to the OCD puzzle and I feel that if we continue to share our experiences we just might discover some kind of missing link that binds us all and through that discovery perhaps we can find the ultimate anti-OCD technique or techniques that with dedicated practice will restore each and every one of us to complete mindfulness. I hope this message finds all of you well.

So know besides the fear of being gay, I fear being asexual/aromantic. And I don't want that. I want to be sexually attracted to boys and to fall in love with them. I want to have a family one day but I want to have it with someone I'm romantically in love with. Is there any aro/ace that could explain how does it feel for them?

Do someone have exemples of false memories?

so i’m 17, and i have a friend who’s 14. we’ve become really close throughout the past few months, and we both like girls so when we first met, we had a bit of a crush on each other. i was 16 then, but when i found out she was 14 i didn’t feel interested anymore because i thought that she was too young to date. for a bit of back story, i went through severe childhood sexual abuse when i was younger which causes me to not let anyone to touch me even today. i haven’t held my own mother in a long time, i’ve never kissed anyone or cuddled, done anything sexual, etc. we’ve been trying to help each other through our own traumas, and she suggested that i let her start trying to touch me more, which i was apprehensive about but i thought maybe it would be good. she started holding my hand when we walked down the hall, hugging me, and we cuddled with each other both of the two times we hung out. i felt fine about it, but the second time we cuddled just felt off, and i think she was thinking of it as a romantic thing and it made me uncomfortable. in the middle i told her i didn’t want to do it anymore and she got mad at me which prompted me to just deal with it and let her cuddle me again. i feel upset about this, because i was uncomfortable, but also because i feel like i’ve made her feel romantically toward me by allowing her to do this and i’m the older one so i should’ve told her no ? it’s been bothering me obsessively, i’m scared that i led her on and the age difference in general makes me uncomfortable ^^^ this was a post i made yesterday, today i told her how i was feeling and how i was scared that she felt romantically toward me and it turns out that she did. she said she needed to end our friendship because of it, which i understand, but i’m so devastated. i feel like this is going to turn into an obsession of mine, feeling like i didn’t handle the situation well and however she acts out because of this is going to be my fault. i feel at an all time low. i just wish she wouldn’t have feelings for me, or i wish we could stay friends and just stop trying to help each other through our trauma. i don’t know how to come back from this.

Does anybody have constant intrusive thoughts but no bodily reactions to them? Like your mind is constantly repeating words and phrases but your body is numb to it because you've done it so much?