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the NOCD Community

I’ve posted before about my issues with my therapist I’ve been seeing. Well, today I’ve decided to find a diff one. The sessions don’t feel constructive to me. She doesn’t seem to recognize my signs, and they charged me $130 vs $80 because I didn’t pay at time of session, even though I tried to pay it and they told me to wait for the statement in the mail. I’m discouraged. I want help, I want therapy. This experience is making me feel less hopeful for recovery and it feels like this impossible feeling is even worse. Idk what to do.

Hi can somebody just keep me company? I'm just in so much pain and doubt :(

Hi. I'm new here. I haven't been diagnosed with OCD but I do suffer with excessive and obsessive thoughts and worries. I am stuck on an endless loop of worry since my son suffered a traumatic injury in January. My son has epilepsy and learning difficulties which is making things harder. I have little support and I'm finding the whole thing difficult

Looking for suggestions: 1. Any tips on retraining the negative brain? Does anyone do daily affirmations/and or gratitude and has it helped you become more positive in life? Any other suggestions that help you? 2. Do any of you write your worrysome thoughts down as they come in throughout the day? Does it help you? I'm reading The Worry Trick and he talks about doing a loop tape or just writing your thoughts down can reduce their importance and eventually the topics become boring 3. I've also read somewhere, responding sarcastically agreeing with your thoughts, this can reduce the importance of the thought. Does this work for any of you and how do you make sure you are responding to these thoughts?

How long do your episodes of intrusive thoughts occur for you? I used to describe myself as an anxious person for the longest time. In April the anxiety exploded (I don’t know exactly why this happened except for that I had multiple things happening at the same time such as moving, getting the flu, and going on vacation with a friend who we recently had a big shift in our relationship) and I couldn’t function normally, in that I couldn’t sleep, eat, or even just sit there without feeling absolutely awful, as well as kept thinking and fearing for the safety of my family. That subsided after a week and a half. In August an anxiety episode started again for the second time but this was the first time ever in my life that I got an intrusive suicidal thought which terrified me and then stuck with me! These thoughts lasted for about 3 weeks straight then began to subside, and during this time o had started buspar, but later stopped at the intrusive thoughts and anxiety went away plus the buspar was giving me lightheadedness. I’m currently in my longest episode with these constant suicidal intrusive thoughts. It started back up in the beginning of November and continues til this day. Every single day this has been affecting me and almost every second thought is about that. Some days are better where it only happens a few times day and doesn’t bother me terribly, but then other days like today it’s constant and has me terrified I’m going to lose control or just give in. I have to keep telling myself that I love my family and my life and have so many plans for myself and yet I feel I’m being tortured by my mind constantly. I used to think my faith was being challenged in these hard times so I would pray and read my Bible constantly in search of relief. I told my parents how I was thinking and feeling and it made me feel worse then they became scared for me. I started seeing a mental health counselor in December for this problem and while I’m glad she is working with me and hasn’t called 911 after me telling her what I’ve been struggling with, I still get skeptical about the techniques I’m being told to do, such as yoga and whatnot. In the moments where I feel I got a grasp on it, all my doubt disappears and I know I will overcome, it makes me feel to free and happy! And then the next moment I feel under it’s thumb and I’m freaking out that I will lose control or give in again. I can’t read or see anything related to suicide as it causes me great distress. I’m terrified to be near my closet or look or be near belts for those reason. Sometimes I can’t decide if I should laugh or cry because I wonder why did my life turn out like this and why is this happening to me. I have plans to enjoy being with my family, finally got a job after searching for a year, plans to start dating this year, plans to travel and enjoy my life, and these stupid horrible thoughts are trying to ruin it all. I’m sorry this changed from a question to a rant. It brings some comfort to look at the other posts and see we are not alone, but now how do we overcome?

I’ve been in ERP since early October and my HOCD still isn’t under control. Is that normal? I feel like so many people say they were only in ERP for like 3 months before they could finish. I’m so worried this means I don’t actually have OCD.

I have cocd and there were times, when I was having "weekends without ocd". I choosed some clothes, took only my phone and was living without ocd for the weekend. I slept on the couch (to not contaminate my bed) and didn't enter my room (for the same reason, I was using things everyone use). After the weekend I showered very intensively and cleaned my clothes. And I felt good during the weekend, but it was because I knew that my things are safe and clean and I will shower afterwards (i took normal showers in the weekend, but at the end was the decontamination shower). It was when I was in high-school, but every now and then I'm thinking "I was feeling good during the weekend, when though I was contaminated. So what if I would just let myself get contaminated at once?". Have you ever thought about going all in? Have any of you done that? Had anyone succeeded like that or is it too extreme?

Guys, I need some help. So, I am in this situation that I like this person. And this person is what some psychologists call Dismissive-Avoidant because they normally avoid intimacy. I, myself am an Anxious-preoccupied, because I seek too much attention. It happens that I am doing research about it and some people say I should let him go and find someone who is Secure because I will be happier. It happens that it is also possible, according to psychologists that I can have a healthy relationship with a dismissive avoidant person but at the same time, I should be aware that it will be hard and I will see myself many times pushed away because that is what Dismissive people do because of their attachment style. It happens that I was ok with the idea of still fight for this relationship because I like him. But today, as I was alone, I had this enormous doubt whether I should leave this all behind and try and find someone who will be intimate and be with me. It was tempting and scary because I don’t want that. I don’t want to lose this guy but I get scared I am putting myself in a situation that will lead me to be unhappy and unfulfilled. But I don’t want to lose him. I think this is OCD because I am ruminating this a lot since I had the thoughts, and I also and somehow distressed. But I am afraid I will be stuck with this idea forever. Is this really OCD? Am I in denial that I should leave? If it is OCD, what can I do to let go of these thoughts and feelings? Please help and give me some word of advice because I cannot sleep or stop worrying about this! Thank you

sorry I‘m seriously annoyed by the narrow minded propaganda for ERP as the „gold standard“ and only way to go on this app. As if there were no reports of individuals where it didn‘t help! As if those have not even been on this app!! Another round of experts telling us poor suffering individuals what to do and whom to follow. When in former times psychoanalysis ruled it was no less exclusive. I‘m not dependend on experts telling me what is working and what not and what is right and wrong. Who else than YOU can judge what is good for you at the end of the day?? If you‘d just allow all the people out there reporting how they have suffered from taking SSRIs, for instance, you‘d get a bigger picture, but you don‘t. This app repeats the same over and over: ERP and SSRIs. For those who are „triggered“ by what I write: getting better also means enabling yourself to hear different versions instead of creating a false security by trusting one method and the todays experts which by pure historic accident are the behaviorists. Rant off. And sleep well.

Don’t let your situation get the best of you, Get the best of your situation. Hello everybody. I hope all of you guys are hanging in there and are making progress everyday, I know it might be hard for some of y’all right now. I know a lot of u are probably sitting in bed reading this and are waiting for that anxiety to pass, feeling like your heads gonna explode from all those thoughts. So that’s why I put together this little message. Lord willing I hope this reaches whoever needs it right now and I hope it can offer some of y’all comfort on your journey with OCD and with life in general. OCD leaves us with a lot of uncertainty but what I am certain about is that nobody with OCD wants OCD. This disease sucks. When I was in the middle of breaking down I started crying and said “I wish I could just be like everybody else”. I see a lot of people here with that same sentiment. “I wish I could just be normal” “I wish I could just go to school/work like everybody else”. Right there is the problem. We are letting OCD get the best of us. Don’t let your situation get the best of you, get the best out of your situation. So even when times are hard don’t say “I wish I could change...” instead say “I know times are hard right now, but how will this help me” or “what can I do to improve from this”. In the Bible, in Philippians Paul is stuck in Jail for his belief in Jesus Christ. He is locked in a basement with no sunlight and no food. He could’ve sat there and said “I wish...” or “I hate...” but he didn’t let his situation get the best of him. Instead he wrote to the people of Philippi and said “Always be filled with joy in the Lord. Always be filled with joy”. How can a man stuck in a prison still be filled with joy? Because he didn’t let his situation get the best of him, he got the best of his situation. While sitting in jail he kept writing and writing and in that time he inspired and converted more people in jail than he did when he was outside of it. We will all be faced with hard times without a doubt but instead of “wishing” for something else or being upset, look for the positive and try and make the best out of OCD. How this applied to me? Well even though OCD dragged me down for quite sometime I used my bad moments to empathize with others without this struggle I don’t think I would’ve matured to the point where I’m helping others and listening to others more than I talk. I’m thankful for all that has happened to me because it has actually made me a better and more complete person. This hardship has only hardened my faith in God and my strength as a person who is a victor instead of a victim. As always I’m praying for all of you. If any of y’all need an ear to listen don’t be afraid to ask. Have a blessed day!!

What are some good careers and career paths for OCD ?

I don't want to accept the fact that me being bi is true or could be true. How can I try to accept it though? My fear is if I accept it, it will come true. It feels like it really will.

Can anyone share their experiences with ERP for existential OCD? I'm in a weird spot where I'm kind of in between therapists right now, but I'm feeling desperate for treatment. If you have experience with this, was it helpful? Was talking to other therapists that may not specialize in OCD helpful at all, or were there more negative effects?

I had ocd since I was 2. That’s crazy right? The doctors diagnosed me when I was two. I still have it. I am 18. I struggle with it a lot. I’m scared of things I shouldn’t be. Like the dark. Fear is associated with ocd. I’m scared all of the time. About everything. My family dying especially. I think about it on a daily. My ocd controls a lot of me. Fear is just one of the many things that’s going on in my mind. It’s torture but I can’t stop. I also struggle with depression, anxiety and tics. Tics is a physical form of ocd. That’s torturous also. Sometimes I’m moving that particular body part without even noticing. Most times I know I’m doing it but I can’t stop. Even if ppl are looking which is embarrassing. While doing it, it hurts over time so I have health issues. Yes it hurts but I cannot stop. I also have social issues. I can’t read social cues. I can’t all the way trust myself in a social setting. I don’t know if I should keep talking or stop. Or sometimes when I talk it leaves an awkward silence. I can’t tell what ppl are feeling unless they outright say it. I like direct ppl. I also have a problem with processing. You have to repeat things a couple of times because it takes my brain a while to process what it being said. People get mad and think I’m not listening but I am. I just haven’t heard it yet. If that makes sense. I also take things very literal. If we are talking about something as a class and my instructor tells me to right something on the board, obviously pertaining to the subject, I will write “something” on the board. It’s happened and it’s embarrassing. I hope all of these things I have go away one day.

Damn it. I've been doing so well. Just got up to put the kids to bed and the wife was washing up. The boiler switched on and I instantly saw it explode. I walked upstairs and can still the floor shaking where it's going to collapse. Went to the toilet and could feel it getting lower and lower as it fell through the floor. Still got to have a shower before bed and worried is going to fall through the floor :(. Trying hard not to cry as the kids are about. But wasnt expecting this sudden rush. Feel sick, legs are weak. Can't breath properly. Just want to run away from it all :(

Can we talk about relapse/lapse? I’m new to the nocd community. And OCD community entirely. I’m turning 27 and I’ve just recently been diagnosed with OCD back in December. I’m currently working through the storm of ERP and acceptance therapy, battling what I know now to be my 3rd OCD episode. I’ve had OCD since I was as young as 6. My first theme was fear of death. Mostly surrounding my parents. Second manifested itself once I was 11 and I had a fear of growing up. My parents put me in therapy at this time. Once I turned 15 (summer going into sophomore year HS) that’s when the themes manifested themselves into POCD, HOCD and harm ocd. I remember it was the scariest thing. I was confused, scared and incredibly crippled by anxiety. I couldn’t sleep or eat without having a panic attack. I was put into therapy but was misdiagnosed with generalized anxiety. I remember at this time my themes would change. One day I’d be scared of being gay, the next day I’d be scared I’d harm the little children I babysat every day after school. My POCD was so bad at one point I tried to quit my after school job taking care of the kids. HOCD I think was the hardest theme for me to overcome. Eventually the symptoms and the intrusive thoughts faded and I spent the remainder of my HS years living a “somewhat normal” high school life. My second episode hit when I found myself in my first emotionally abusive relationship. The stress and emotional rollercoaster he put me through was unbearable. This was my sophomore year in College now, I found myself in lapse #2 and this time it was my HOCD that I found debilitating. Fast forward 8 years and I’m in the midst again of ocd relapse #3, my HOCD yet again. This time I’m working through my OCD diagnosis with my boyfriend of 7 years and my supportive family. Telling my boyfriend all about my fears was one of the biggest challenges. I thought my ocd were quirks I would grow out of. But unfortunately that wasn’t the case. I’m working with an OCD specialist in Manhattan and he’s been introducing ERP as a form of treatment. It’s week number 3 and it’s not easy. But I am slowly beginning to see progress. It’s been amazing to finally realize I’m not alone. I’m sharing my story in hopes it helps other realize they aren’t alone either ❤️

Does anyone care to share what they’re currently dealing with with their OCD?

Hello I’m currently dealing with the fear and obsession of schizophrenia.. I’m so afraid of it.. I’ve seen a psychiatrist and they just said it’s ocd

I just had to cancel babysitting with 10 minutes notice because I had a panic attack. I feel terrible and my mom is pissed at me. The parents seemed to understand but it scared to go home now because my mom was so mad on the phone. I’m shaking and panicking. Everything has been so hard and stressful and I have no idea what to do. No one understands my anxiety and I hate it here. I just wish I could run away but I don’t know where I’d go or what I’d do. Please just someone give me some advice. I’m scared to go home. And I feel so bad and stupid for having to cancel because of a panic attack. I shouldn’t have any said I’d do it. I thought I would be okay. I’m not though. Fuck.

Having fears of something from 13 years ago when I was 21. Someone I was sexting with the profile mentioned she was a year older than me and I went on webcam. She cheated on me and claimed her 13 year old cousin changed it. My fears are what if the person I talked to was not really 22 but underage? The sex offender registry terrifies me. Never been contacted by police or anything like that, spoke to a laywer and my cousin whos a cop about it to a degree, basically he said they are really interested more in what is happening now and my friend told me that in most cases statute of limitations and that its a waste of time because minors get popups for live cams on adult sites and no one is prosecuted for that and the profile/pictures are of an adult so the assumption is the person in communication is an old. This has been causing me massive anxiety to search for legal cases involving this and it appears no statute of limitations exist on a federal level. This is assuming I actually broke any laws.