Welcome to
the NOCD Community

I feel like my whole life is over. I had a same sex dream last night which involved a damily member is lgbtq and it seemed like I enjoyed it. Now I'm getting these thoughts and feelings. I dont know what to do anymore. I've been wanting to be with a man since i can remember even though I've always found women attractive. So now idk what to do. I don't want to be lesbian, bi,ir anything else. I just want to go back to my normal slightly boy crazy self.

So yesterday my bf and I were talking and idk he was saying how he feels I’m motivated like to workout and what not but that like I need to follow thru with it and I told him I worked out yesterday when I didn’t but I am today and he said he was proud of me and now i feel so guilty for lying and I feel I HAVE to tell him I lied but I don’t wanna mess us up and have him not trust me. Someone pls help me I’m freaking out

I noticed I catch myself ruminating, and thinking about everything wrong or negative that has happened in the past. And it's causing me to feel so down and horrible inside. On top of that obsessing and having so much fear about my ocd topics is draining me so bad. Imatinib this point its almost like my mind is trained to keep me miserable, and trapped and feeling like there is no escape, it's torture.

Hey nOCD Fam! Question - If you’re reading this and do NOT regularly talk to a specific OCD Therapist can you list the reasons below as to why? Any & all reasons, no wrong answer! Just curious! Thanks for helping with this poll!

I can't seem to habituate. I do okay with small obsessipns but when I get hit with a big one I can't hold back the compulsion. It feels so real in the moment that my anxiety goes nuts. So tired of this crap.

Just wondering if anyone else here has a dual diagnosis of OCD and BPD? Sometimes, I feel like my OCD around my morals and being a good person and not hurting others has masked my BPD anger symptoms and turned them mostly inwards. The majority of people when I meet them couldn't tell that I have either. Most professionals don't believe I have BPD initially, but after doing a comprehensive assessment of my family background and history of mental illness, my psychiatrist determined that this was my diagnosis (both OCD and BPD run in my family). So I guess I was just wondering, if you have experienced both, how do the symptoms of both disorders interact with each other for you, and have you found it has made it more difficult in receiving a diagnosis and recovering? Any tips? :)

Help guys I started ERP and have been letting some intrusive thoughts through and just trying to accept them but now I can’t get them to go away because I’m done thinking about it for today. I just want them to stop.

HUGE brand problem? I feel extremely alone in the OCD community because I feel like nobody has a problem like me. It makes it hard for me to read all of you guy’s posts and think ‘how can I reassure them, how can I support?’ because my problem is so drastically different. I have only received backlash in my past from OCD groups because ‘you’re just particular’ is a good response to my problem. I feel lost. constantly think about brands. I probably have over 40 lists of “appropriate brands” and I constantly sort my life into sections and think about brands. I have refused to use any skin product other than Neutrogena for a while now, not because of its benefits or anything else but simply because it’s all the same brand. I have sold or given away expensive gifts because it’s not the right brand. This creeps into literally aspect of my life. Sometimes I am unable to complete school or work because all I can think is ‘The floor mats in my vehicle are GMC. I drive a Chevy.’ and you can see how this could transfer to a lot of things. Constant desire to rid myself of everything I own. I even get weirdly upset if I have nail polish on that it’s the ‘wrong nail polish’ I have to remove it until I find the ‘right’ one. Spoiler. Still hasn’t happened. Since I have -for the time- curbed my desire to throw everything away, I’ve been narrowing my life down to several brands. So far, I have SHEIN for notebooks, office supplies, organization, clothes, accessories, makeup, and decor/bedding. This is appealing to me because it covers so many areas. I also have Pentel for alllllll of my art supplies, markers, pens! IKEA would be ideal for furniture, mattress, and some other areas that possibly SHEIN doesn’t cover as far as household. I chose Food Lion brand for my food- because it’s my closest grocery and it’s quite consistent. I choose Apple for technology because of my phone and laptop, but I get strongly conflicted when I see my really nice gifted radio that OCD wants me to throw out.. and think about trading it for a $500 Apple Home thing. Lastly, the one that’s been hurting me lately is Burt’s Bees for skincare etc. and it only hurts so bad because they do not make deodorant! I refuse to purchase any sort of body wash right now (I am out. Yucky, I know.) solely because I cannot find a skincare brand that makes both toothpaste AND deodorant! It’s been almost a week! I feel like I’m in a loop and I really wish I could tell you I didn’t start this post just to ask- “Does anyone know a brand of skincare and bath products that literally makes everything?” I’m really struggling. Ideally I would like everything to be made by one brand. Even the outlets in my apartments wall bother me. What brand? The flag on my wall- is it the same brand as the other flag? I can be writing a paper and suddenly just realize that I have multiple brands of clothes hangers and I will let out an audible sound of distress. If there’s anyone else out there.. I would love to be your friend. We can get through this (maybe)... if anyone can tell me why I think like this or literally anything about this. My counselor said it’s most likely sounding like OCD (as it started to interfere with schoolwork since I see everything as a task) and all I know is it’s probably just-right OCD. Thanks. Hope you all are safe and well during this time.

Anyone else have particular types of thoughts that they feel they have overcome over the years? For me its violent intrusive thoughts. Mainly thoughts dealing with physically harming others(cutting,hitting,stabbing etc). These particular thoughts don’t phase me anymore. I know that I would never/could never do such acts to people lol. Now the only violent thoughts that sometimes bother me are ones dealing with babies in particular. They’re fragile beings and I fear sometimes that I will accidentally/intentionally drop them or trip on top of them. Those images can cause a lot of discomfort and sometimes force me to not handle them or to be overtly cautious. Other than that I am just thankful that that group of thoughts don’t cripple me like they once did.

I'm so freaked out rn. I had a stressful and exhausting day and the only thing I wanted to do is to relax in my bed. I sleep in the same room with my brother and this room is the only place in the world where I feel at least a bit of SAFETY. My brother keeps talking out from the locker things that trigger my ocd. (over the years he has been noticing that I avoid "random" objects and now he wants to make fun of me I think). I have been already anxious these days bcs of the epidemic and now I'm scared af. I also feel that my head is gonna explode and oh, yeah I haven't slept well for days and I'm pretty sure this is also going to be a long night fighting my own thoughts... What should I do? : (

"Is it possible for OCD to ______________?" Is a really common question here. Usually it's a question the person writing the post can answer for themselves. Imagine the person in the photo noticed that they were wearing a silver spiked hologram romper and thought "wow, this is strange, I've never worn this before". If they turned around and asked you "is it possible for me to wear a silver spiked hologram romper?" , You'd probably be confused. Because the answer is "yes, obviously it is because you are wearing it. You don't need me to tell you what you already know". It's the exact same thing with the "can OCD _______?" questions. OCD creates so much doubt that we don't trust our own experiences. But asking someone else to confirm our experiences teaches our brains to trust ourselves even less. If we want to teach our brains to trust ourselves more, we need to tolerate, even welcome, the doubt while still answering our own question.

I’m having a lot of trouble with something and idk what to do or who to trust or where to go to. I just don’t know what to do I feel I can’t talk about it with anyone but it’s bothering me so bad and I need to talk to someone about it.

Okay so update for everyone, I u understand why I am having these thoughts and I'm convinced I'm hot a P*** but I still have the damn thoughts they keep coming in and whenever I'm near children I stress out, how is one supposed to ignore thoughts that are so dark and sickening and carry on with there daily lives, I've tried my best to cancell them out when I can but whenever iam horny or see or hear anything to do with children i will be triggered and there is nothing i can do, please give your advice it would be much appreciated, I used to love kids and playing with them seeing them smile, and now I cant go near them, how are you supposed to stay with them when your getting constant horrifying thoughts about them.

Has anyone else experienced sudden adult onset OCD without showing any signs of having the disorder in childhood? Also, where there was external stressor or trigger that caused it?

What’s up everyone, I just downloaded the app and have enjoyed reading different topics on here so far. I have suffered from HOCD for seven years now. It started my second year of college out of the blue. I was scrolling through Instagram and saw a picture of my friends and thought they looked good. I immediately asked myself why am I thinking that? What does this mean? Why have I never thought before? Am I gay? The doubt regarding my sexual orientation was in full force. This sent me into a deep depression for several months. I skipped class, didn’t attend fraternity events, and missed football games. Pretty much every activity I enjoyed didn’t matter to me anymore. One day I googled “can you just turn gay all of a sudden” and “how do you know if you are gay” With those searches I found articles about HOCD. I checked every box regarding symptoms and mental compulsions. I compared my reactions tIt was a relief to finally figure out what I was going through. Before that search I was hopeless and didn’t want to live anymore. I found a therapist in my area who specializes in ocd so I thought I’d give him a try. I didn’t care for him but he referred me to a psychiatrist who prescribed me 20mg lexapro, which helped me get out of bed in the mornings and diminished the intensity of my intrusive thoughts. The therapist I went to was the only one in my area at the time who specialized in ocd treatment, but I never went back. I got the vibe that he didn’t care about what I was dealing with. I’m 26 now and still experience the intrusive thoughts. My twin brother suffers from BDD and just came out to my family that he is gay. This sent my doubt into overdrive. Endless google searching about genetics and homosexuality and if your twin is gay does that mean you are? It sent me back to depression like my college days. Most of the time when I see a guy my mind automatically thinks he is attractive. They could be 18 or 65. It could be my best friend or it could be my dad. I have times where I experience the “groinal”. That is when I feel like Something is going on “down there”. It could be that I saw someone on tv or just shaking a guys hand. I’ll drive past a truck and think there must be good looking guy in there. Or I’ll hear a song on the radio about falling in love and my mind replaces the girl in the song with a guy. Occasionally when I’m next to a guy my ocd is telling me to kiss him. I feel like I have gotten pretty good at avoiding compulsions but feel like I need help from an expert with erp. I have read a few ocd books and have tried to practice their tips on my own, but it has never worked. Sorry for the long post. I just wanted to share my story so people know they aren’t alone.

TW: Highly disturbed/possible abuse. . . . . . . . . . I was looking at someones followers on instagram, I assumed they had fake followers. I clicked on one of the accounts following them and on there someone posted a picture/video (I couldn't really tell because it wasn't clear and I didnt want to enlarge it) of a baby being dropped and I could see some blood. It really disturbed me. I reported the account and instagram blocked it, so I assume it will be looked into now. This is really horrible for my OCD, I always makesure I'm browsing safely and dont come into contact with anything horrible/violent (it's one of my biggest fears). Its the worst thing in the world to see something happen to a vulnerable person. I cant stop ruminating over the whole thing now :(

ive recently started seeing an individual who is a poc and its gotten me really acutely aware of my whiteness. While this is a good thing and encourages unlearning and awareness for me, it also has wreaked havoc on my harm and taboo thinking OCD. I find myself tackling a lot of racist taboo intrusive thinking and it really alarms me. I’m disturbed by these thoughts and disagree with them entirely. but although I know part of it is OCD, i also know that racism is innate in essentially all white folks, and I dont want to use my mental health as an excuse. I’ve mostly been tackling these thoughts on my own because I dont think it should be the persons responsibility, but now I worry that if I dont tell them, I am withholding information and tricking them and that I am bad for it. ive been preoccupied with it and whenever i think about it it makes me feel physically ill. I want to be honest and transparent with them, but I also want them to feel safe, and I can see these thoughts making them feel unsafe. If anyone has any advice it would be appreciated. (Preferably input from people of color willing to discuss this who feel safe/comfy engaging with me on it)

Has anyone done exposure therapy for sexual intrusive thoughts ? And if so, how did you do it ? Was it a success ? Did the thoughts go down

I believe I have undiagnosed OCD but was wondering if anyone else goes through this struggle. I constantly think of ways my loved ones might die. Whether that be from an event happening or a situation I am in with them and I am afraid to leave them in fear that they will die and I will be left alone. For example, I could be indoors with my family and they all go outside without me. I immediately imagine a tornado coming up, knocking over a tree and killing my family with me left to survive. Or I think of certain scenarios where a disease (especially with Covid-19 going around) could infect a loved one and my mind creates vivid images of how they could die of the disease. Does anyone else experience this? How do you cope?

Help please someone help, I’m so scared. I’m having fears of being lithosexuak and I really don’t want it to be true. I’m scared that I feel sexually attracted to guys but lose that attraction when reciprocated or don’t want reciprocating. I’m freaking out. Please help please please please