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the NOCD Community

What has been your experience with Lexapro or Zoloft? My therapist mentioned how potentially taking one of these could be helpful but I’m hesitant on medications.

Hey just seeking some advice about therapy and diagnosis. As a child I had intense obsessional fears about themes like alien invasions, nuclear threat, getting sick etc. It would last between one and six months and then move to another theme. I had no visible compulsions but I used to seek reassurance a lot, ruminate a lot, and imagine worst case scenarios. Now those fears are gone but I've been dealing with obsessions about my sexual orientation and my relationships for eight years. I check a lot of things mentally, still ruminate a lot and constantly try to figure things out. I'm starting to get tired of it. The thing is that I have little hope of being diagnosed and treated. In my country (France), there are still a lot of psychoanalysts (they don't offer CBT, among other issues), and it seems to me that resources about OCD are restrained to more "standard" forms (for instance, mental compulsions and themes like HOCD wouldn't be taken seriously, I think). I believe I'd like to get a diagnosis because it would make me feel less confused (and I don't like the idea of self-diagnosing), and it could allow me to set real and concrete goals to get better. Does anyone have suggestions regarding alternative ways for me to seek concrete help? People/therapists I could talk you, even at a distance? Or is there any French person here with a similar experience or some advice to give?

Those who keep having fears and thoughts that you might be schizophrenic, how do you deal with that? Because my OCD tends to come at me in the form of direct statements or commands, it picks at that specific fear as well. I try to avoid looking up any symptoms of schizophrenia but I keep doing compulsive mental checks of whether I’m hearing things or seeing things or not when I know I’m not, but I keep checking because I’m afraid of what if.

Question, this is how erp feels like? Because before I was taking a bath and I was cleaning my private parts and a thought come along and I say like let it. And I don't feel anxiety but I feel something down there and I didnt enjoy it and o don't know if it was for the thought or because I was you know, so I stop like no I can't and after it was like wait you feel good? And right know I feel something in my chest.

TW// SUICIDE im gonna be really honest. i am not doing good. this is the worst ocd theme i have ever had. it feels SO real to me. i look at my self in the mirror and mourn the happy girl i used to be before december of 2019 when my ocd first hit. the fact that i will never be the same scares me and haunts me more than anyone can understand. everyday gets harder and harder no matter how much progress i make. i cant afford therapy right now but i need it so badly. i am genuinely in so much pain. i feel so guilty, and ashamed, and sad all the time. i cant focus on school work or anything anymore. i have had thoughts about suicide because i just want some relief. it hurts so much. i love my boyfriend beyond belief. it makes me so angry that ocd would attach to and manipulate something so pure and beautiful to me.

Have been feeling inspired by other people sharing their stories here and would like to do the same. I had my first OCD thought in my sophomore year of college. It was a sexual intrusive thought that came out of the blue and then never left my mind - it was my first really “sticky” thought. It morphed into mostly harm OCD thoughts over the next year. I was depressed and half-thought I was losing my mind - every day I woke up in hell all over again. I saw a therapist, but only told him about my depression, insomnia, etc. I had no idea I had OCD at the time, and I thought I would be locked up if I told him about what was really bothering me. I kept everything to myself and my existence was miserable. I lived like this for about a year. Eventually I started changing the college I attended, the city I lived in, my roommates, etc. Somehow, I changed things enough to where the OCD thoughts somehow dissipated and I was able to live a mostly uninterrupted life - although in the back of my mind I knew those thoughts were lurking (mind you I still did not know it was OCD). However, even though I had some temporary relief, I had chosen to ignore the problem and sweep things under the rug. I did not choose to actually address my problem. Flash forward 5ish years later (a few months ago), and it all started again. The thoughts came back, and again I spent every day in physical and emotional distress. It was like nothing had changed, I was back in my little box all over again. This time though, things were a little different. After a few days I decided I would not live another year of my life like this even if it meant losing my girlfriend, career, etc. (I thought this was a possibility). Since I felt I had nothing to lose, I told my partner about what was happening. Amazingly, she had actually heard a podcast about harm-OCD on NPR, and compassionately helped me get in touch with a therapist who specializes in OCD/ERP. I was lucky I had someone to spill my guts to - I know not everyone has a person like that in their life (but that’s why this app is great!). I’m in therapy now and am having success with decreasing my symptoms. But don’t my wrong, everything isn’t perfect, my themes now “switch” to new subjects (which has been a real shock), I still get anxiety and distress, and I still have intrusive thoughts about people I care about. That said, things are definitely better and I can see a life where I accept and am okay with my OCD (versus shoving it under the carpet like I did previously). I also now think I can have a family, kids, a challenging career, etc., even while dealing with it. It wasn’t until I addressed the issue head that I had some actual, real confidence that I could have a normal life. It took me awhile though, and I understand how hard it is to deal with alone, without anyone to talk to. So for whoever hasn’t yet, but is considering it, please look into therapy with a OCD specialist (I haven’t used this app for therapy FYI). For those of you who can’t for any reason, the next best alternative seems to be to utilize the resources spread across the internet. Either way, you’ve got to take action, you can’t “outthink” this thing. Lastly, I’m in my 30s. So for any of you younger folks out there, consider the fact that you may have the opportunity to address things now when you are younger. For those of you who are older, I don’t think it is ever to late to start. The difference between me now versus a few months ago when my symptoms kicked back in is staggering - so keep fighting for that day for yourself. Good luck everyone. Open to any questions about my experience.

I really need help please-Porn-Inflated sense of responsibility- I had a memory today of when I used to watch porn (I haven't watched it in 2 years so this is from a few years ago). I remember seeing the start of a video I had clicked on, of a british guy who I think produced his own films in other countries and he was saying creepy things to the woman in the video, I cant remember his exact words but it was definately creepy and he was joking about how she looked young. I keep trying check my memory of what exactly he said but I cant be sure. This video was on a mainstream website ( x videos) and that website is a safe website and complies with rules/regulations from what I know. I remember thinking "ew he is creepy" and then clicking away and onto a different video (I didnt really have this type of OCD now) so it never bothered me at the time . But now I'm thinking, what if he was a creep and I should have reported that video to the site for them to check him out as he was producing his own films and everything and uploading them onto pornsites. What if he was doing something wrong? I feel an inflated sense of responsibility and I dont know how to stop feeling guilty over it even though it probably isnt my responsibility to even worry about this as I was on a safe site that lots of people use everyday, and millions of people view the same videos so if he was a creep then someone will have reported him surely or the site surely has some regulations that must be followed before an upload. I'm thinking so deeply into this and I cannot stop ruminating over it. I'm sure my brain is making it a much bigger deal than it actually is though I cant see it that way. How can I get over this effectively? :( I'm so sick of living like this... Please help, I've been struggling with this thought all day.

i need help. i'm not sure if this is ocd. first of all i love my partner with all my heart, my love for her is too much. i suffer of pocd and hocd, and i want to believe that this is rocd. deep down i realize it's the same, same anxiety, same form of thoughts, etc... but from what i read and always knew for rocd the intrusive thoughts are "i love my partner?" "my partner is good for me?" stuff like that. but in my case is "she's a wh*re" "you're such a liar" it makes me feel a sh*t, i don't have any evidence for that thoughts, and leaves me, apart, a fear of being or becoming a misoginian, because, sometimes, i have the same intrusive thoughts with other females. but first and foremost with my partner, i don't want to be this. i know it's a sort of reassurance but i just want to know if this is ocd cause it isn't what i knew for rocd and that's what's killing me

Anyone got any tips for Real Event OCD?

How does OCD happen? 1. I was always an energetic child, then I was diagnosed with ADHD at the age of 8 and put on WAY too much concerta (almost riddilin) 2. Energetic turned into fidgety 3. My mom never let me forget that, and instead of finding constant distractions for my hands I was disciplined by teachers for not being able to focus - medication dose increase 4. At the age of 11 I pulled out my first eyelash- now I know it was because it was the only thing I could control in my life. 5. My mom notice- therapy started. (If you as a parent are not willing to give a crap about what the therapist says... don’t take your kid to therapy. Ie no progress with therapy 6. I’ve had ‘OCD linked Trichotillomania’ for almost 15 years now and off ADHD medication for 7. (My own term because now my pulling falls into two categories: 1) anxiety or boredom triggers my pulling 2) a new eyelash or eyebrow appears and it’s not the same, it’s not smooth skin anymore. My brain attacks the idea of these parts of my face feeling different- the hairless skin is what my brain thinks it ultimately wants. 7. I don’t blame my hair pulling and OCD on my mom or meds or life- but I’d be ignorant to say they didn’t play a role at all.

Has anyone who's been for a quite time on this app noticed the number of posts is getter lesser than it was before. I joined here in October, 2019 and have seen some fast changes.

Today when my anxiety peaked,I used your advice and wrote down my worst case scenario.This really helped me and I would like to thank you very much.However,what about guilt about real life events?How do you overcome guilt when it hits you about things you have done in the past?I am trying to do ERP on my own since I live in Greece and I haven't found anyone here practising it.

Hey guys. This is my first post on the app. I have struggled with several forms of OCD over the past decade and overcome some more than others. What I am currently experiencing through scrupulosity is without doubt the worst OCD has ever been for me, and my main struggle with this is that most of the information and suggestions on how to deal with this revolve around religious OCD in particular, which is not necessarily what I am struggling with personally. For me, rather than religion, it is more an issue of holding myself to societal standards or difficult philosophical and moral questions. I am constantly, more or less from the moment I wake up until I go to bed, obsessing over concepts of my complicity in things in the world that have absolutely nothing to do with my actions or views, and it is almost like I am trying as hard as I can to attach guilt and shame upon myself for things over which I have no control, things which I have nothing to do with. I keep obsessing over these incredibly depressing and deep thoughts of intense thought cycling, thoughts such as what is the point of trying to be a good person or functioning in society when people in 100 years will think I was awful anyway, I must be doing something now that will make me condemned to eternal judgment by history. These thoughts are incredibly difficult to even describe in words, but they consist of constant arguing with myself and script writing responses to a fictional person cornering me and attacking me about my personal values or choices. This is truly debilitating, and is all I can think about as I sit inside with nothing to do during this stay at home period. I am curious, for those who suffer with religious scrupulosity OCD, does what I am describing sound similar? How do those who relate to this deal with it?

Hiya, I've just found this app... (not quite sure how it works or will even help at all, I bloody hope it does cos I've tried so many ways to live with this-here goes) I have suffered hard with unwanted thoughts, counting, repeat, repeat etc for over 25 years now and the majority of that I self medicated with Alcohol until my health is at risk from the juice. Now I am sober and f**k me- my OCD is at an all time high and it's horrible as u know. I wondered if anyone can relate to where I am at. Lee

Is there a link between PTSD and OCD? I was m*lested when I was eight years old by my older best friend at the time, I was showed adult films and flashed by an older family at a very young age, that was when I started acting out and my behaviour changed completely. 1-2 years after the event, I began to display OCD symptoms though at that time I had no idea what OCD was. We ignored the symptoms for years which gradually got worse. I thought it had gone away after I had moved, I thought I had gotten better but the worst was still coming. I moved again and by this time my mind has pushed my trauma to the back, I replaced those memories with the good ones and forgotten all about life back home until I moved again. I hadn’t been talked about s*xual assault, m*lestation or any of the above because my family is extremely religious and don’t discuss those subjects so I had no idea what happened to me was not okay I thought everyone’s friends did this to them. This was around the time I attempted, but failed which I am glad I did, though nobody knows about it. Once I started researching and hearing other stories from people who went through the very same thing as me as a child it opened my eyes. It also brought back flashbacks and intense emotions I had never experienced in my life. I’d get them on the bus ride home, in class, at home, I’d get triggered very quickly and easily. The flashbacks have stopped for now, though I still haven’t told anybody about the friend who violated me. That’s when my OCD began developing into what it is today, and I went to see a therapist and turns out I had it. Sometimes I wonder if I would’ve told somebody maybe I wouldn’t have this. I don’t like thinking about this or talking about it’s been on my mind for quite a while.

Hi, I just wanted to ask if anyone experience any of these symptoms/thoughts/feelings? It’s like I always doubt that I have OCD, it’s like I experience something inside (thoughts and/or feelings), always fear based, but it’s like I feel I cannot explain what is happening inside me at the moment of the crisis, and then I start to search in the internet for the symptoms. Every time I feel like I experience an anxiety attack but not a panic attack, not with physical symptoms. Tremendous feeling of fear that something wrong with me, and that I have something else, another mental disorder and I always search in the internet to check which symptoms match what I feel at the moment of the crisis. I experience something like this at the beginning of my OCD when I felt that I may I had schizophrenia or that may I will loose my mind. But this time is different its not about getting crazy or loose control but more like if I may be a bad person. I fear that I may be a bad person and I constantly feel that may I have NPD or BPD or PPD and several, not to suggest that people that suffer from these disorders are bad people in the contrary they also suffer. But my thoughts keep persist to make me feel bad about myself by telling me that may I suffer from another mental disorder, that I am bad person and that may I hurt someone psychologically not physically. I feel like that I have fear and intrusive thoughts and feelings about mental disorders. It’s like fear about mental disorders no physical illness. Based on be a bad person without even know it. I don’t know if any of these really make any sense. I just very confusing and for me and maybe i cannot explain it with words. Thank you for reading, if anyone can relate with any of these, please let me know because I am trying to understand how to cope with all of these.

I want to start having kids. My husband and I have been together for almost 9 years and I think it would be perfect to start trying this year (probably once this corona business is over) but I am scared for some many reasons. -will I be a good mom/stable mom? -will I make good parental decisions? -will I feel excitement or will I be emotionless? -will my intrusive thoughts take me away from the moments? -will I be able to handle it with my mental health? SO MANY questions I ask myself. I’ve always wanted to be a mother. So I feel like holding off having kids because I don’t want the experience to be tainted by my ocd ?

Hi everyone. I’m new here, just installed the app. I have suffered from all different types of OCD since I was about 12. I’m 21 now. When I was 12 I suffered from harm OCD and feared that I would kill/hurt myself to the point that I got so confused and actually thought I wanted to die. I had no idea what OCD was when I was 12 and it was terrifying. I couldn’t even bear to say the word “suicide” without having intense panic. This went away and it doesn’t bother me anymore, but I am now suffering from ROCD (relationship OCD). I’m in a very happy and healthy relationship, but I have this nagging feeling of anxiety and my brain telling me I could be happier if I was single and I’m lying to myself and don’t actually love my boyfriend even though he’s everything I’ve ever wanted. I get panicked when I think of how I felt when I had this crazy crush in high school on this boy who never liked me back and how I don’t feel that strongly toward my boyfriend. I start checking how turned-on I feel during kissing or sex and start panicking to the point that I go numb and don’t feel anything at all and panic more as a result. I’m in constant doubt that it isn’t ROCD and that I’m just lying to myself, but I feel so strongly in love with him when my anxiety dies down and so I get so so confused. Has anyone else been through this? Sorry for the long post.

Hello there, Just wondering if anyone has had a real difficult time letting go of a past relationship? I’m talking I’ve been anxious and depressed for two year after I was broken up with. I obsess and over analyze what I did wrong and or keep reliving when we first met and how good thing were. I’m seeing a therapist and she helps but doesn’t really give me ways to help stop these thoughts. I’m wondering if I should seek a new therapist who will be able give me tools to help get me through this. Thanks!

My OCD focuses severly on ethics and morals. I struggle with this so much, and I feel like nobody else in the world understands what I go through on a daily basis. As a teenager for 3 or 4 years I watched porn, when I got into my 20s I educated myself on it and found it to be unethical (for many reasons) so I stopped watching it but the shame never goes away. I turned vegetarian when I was 14, but now I've turned vegan and the fact that I still consumed dairy makes me feel ashamed and I'm scared in future I will cause indirect harm to animals by accidentally consuming animal products. Same with makeup I own that I've recently found gets tested on animals, that is evil and I want to throw it all away. Shame follows me everywhere and in the eyes of normal people I've not really done anything wrong, but personally my own morals dictate these things as equivalent to crimes. Even though consuming dairy or viewing porn online are perfectly normal things people do everyday. So in return I have this feeling that I need to be punished as I may have caused indirect harm through these actions. I dont know how to even rationalise this so I can continue living normally again. This prevents me from living normally because I feel like I'm a bad person and that I dont deserve to live happily.