Welcome to
the NOCD Community

It all just feels so real. I literally think I've overthought my way to another sexuality. Ugh

i feel like everyone hates me :(

How do u know if a thought is intrusive. I cant tell if a thought is intrusive anymore. It sort of feels like as if I brought the thought up myself, but it's also something I wouldnt want to think. Y'all know what I mean?

I cut my “best friend” off of 11 years this week. I have given her chance after chance to get better and she continued to treat me like shit. So I feel free from that, however my other best friend of 11 years stopped being friends with both me and the toxic friend just because I was still friends with her. I’m 20 and go to a community college and it’s been very hard for me to make friends even before the pandemic. I haven’t had any other friends outside them since hs and my hs friends honestly weren’t great to me either (we distanced, all of us) and of course I’ve looked at myself and considered myself to be the problem and blamed myself but even my therapist doesn’t think that’s true... but anyways. I’m here. Lonely af. Officially no friends. And the sad thing is I don’t know when I will have any. It could be months or years from now and I’m so focused on school... I have no idea if I will ever be happy with someone (like a vest or close friend) or even be in a relationship. Anyways this is what I’m going through and I’m feeling very alone

I’m finally having a moment of clarity and it feels so good. I can’t believe that I feel love. I forgot about my OCD and when I saw my fiancé I truly felt so in love again ❤️ by not over analyzing my thoughts I was able to live in the moment and feel how strong our connection really is. I have been struggling so much with this and it’s so nice to get this break. I want you guys to know that by doing ERP and learning to love ourselves we can all heal from this torturous hell.

Currently really struggling. I have had Relationship OCD and other themes for almost a year now. I was doing so good until a couple of months ago. My new obsession is questioning if my boyfriend of almost 5 years is abusive, or a narcissist. (TMI story ahead, just a warning lol) Earlier, my boyfriend and I were laying down and he asked to ya know.. touch my boobs. I said yes, then he was doing that for a bit. I then said “mkay” in a silly joking tone and went to go grab his hand away, and he said “nooo wait I’m just squeezing it” and I let him do it for a couple more seconds then I said “wait no I said no” and he said “oh okay” and he stopped. I then mentioned that it bothered me that he kept his hand there, but he said he was sorry and he thought I was okay with it. We have been working on boundaries and before he would just randomly grab my boob lol. Not disrespectfully, just at appropriate times while we were at home just hanging out he used to do this. Before OCD it really didn’t offend me, it would annoy me sometimes but I never really thought anything more of it. I loved that he was attracted to me and often showed it. Now about a month ago I told him it kind of bothered me (I think this was a compulsion because I was researching it and obsessing about it) and he has really worked on it, sometimes he slips because he has been doing it for so long, but now he’s always asking before grabbing anywhere near my chest area. I just want to not think about these things. Be like a normal person and just forget. He is so amazing, respects my boundaries, and I can tell he is really trying to love me through all of this no matter how hard I push him away. He always sits and listens to my concerns and really is constantly working on this relationship. I love him so much. But it’s hard to love him when my ocd is not even letting him touch me without being so sensitive about it. I know his intentions because I have been with him for almost 5 years, and I know in my heart he never has bad intentions. I don’t want so many boundaries up. I feel so far from him. I feel like he is afraid to touch me, and I don’t want him to be. I want him to touch me. I want things to go back to normal.. How do I expose this, any advice? Not asking for reassurance, I just am trying to finish strong through school and I am so tired of having panic attacks everyday. It is getting so bad. Thank you for reading if you got this far. Sorry it was so long.

I need advice. Should I quit my job? Its making me very depressed and anxious everyday. I'm a cashier at a grocery store. I've been there for almost 4 months now and I thought it would get easier but it hasn't. Customers are so rude and it makes me feel like shit about myself. I also feel like a failure for not being able to handle it:(.

how long does it take for the intrusive thoughts to stop to making me feel like I’m not who I am? im dealing with gender identity ocd on top of so-ocd and it hurts so bad. ive never wanted to be anything other than a girl, ive never even considered anything else. but ever since the anxiety faded it feels like i actually want to be a boy bc whenever i imagine relationships with guys i see a boy and it’s so unsettling.

Please someone talk with me. I need someone to talk. I am so sad right now. I dont know what to do anymore. I feel no anxiety, there are too many signs. I dont want to become something like that, I am so scared. Please help me

I saw a tik tok post about hocd. It made me kind of happy that we were being represented, because i don’t see things about it very often. I scrolled through the comments, and one of them said “I used to do all these things, then I found out I was bi.” It triggered me. I’m trying to do my erp, and trying not to do mental compulsions. I’ve been doing pretty well the past few days... I can do it.

TW: Discussions of Covid and infection. I’d like to talk to someone about it if they’re up to it, but if you’re not up to it or reading about it that’s perfectly ok. I’m shaking and panicking so much right now. This past weekend I went to go grab my gaming system from my father’s house even though I wasn’t feeling perfect since my brother had begged me to do it for weeks so he could play online with me. That day and the day before, I had sneezed a few times and my nose ran a few times, though it wasn’t really running but was just kinda damp to the touch. My throat hurt a little bit too, but I had reasons to think these were nothing to worry about. My throat hurt (I thought) because I slept with my mouth open and my mouth was super dry, and my nose ran (I thought) because my apartment was 64°F and my nose tends to run when it’s cold. Plus, I read that sneezing isn’t really a symptom of covid so if I did have something it probably wouldn’t be covid and thought maybe I’m just overthinking because of OCD. I hadn’t left my apartment in something like 25 days before that, isolating myself in my room for the vast majority of that time, and had only had contact with the one person I live with for a total of maybe 20 minutes that week. His girlfriend came over and coughed a few times, but he told me she coughs when she’s anxious sometimes and hadn’t taken her allergy meds that day. In addition, he had gotten a test (since he was planning on visiting someone for thanksgiving) a few days before and it was negative. I know asymptomatic people have a high rate of false negatives, but in combination with everything else I thought it was ok to go down there as long as I took precautions. Plus, I had been putting off going down to see my father for a couple of months anyways and he kept asking when I’d come. So, when I went down there, I agreed to meet outside only for 15 minutes, most of which was at least 10 feet apart while I wore a thick mask. I got about 6 feet away for maybe 3 minutes from my father, who was wearing a mask, and his girlfriend (whom he lives with) for maybe 30 seconds, though she was not wearing a mask. I also touched my dog a couple of times. Today I learned that both my father and his girlfriend (whom he lives with) started having symptoms yesterday, 3 days after my visit, though his girlfriend exhibited symptoms first. Her symptoms have not improved and she has to go to the ER now and has lost her sense of taste and smell. When I called them, she did not sound good. My father had a rough night but has not had many problems this morning. But I’m SO scared that I gave them covid. This has been my biggest OCD fear for the last half a year or so, and I’m worried that it’s true and that I’ve been irresponsible enough to give someone a deadly disease. Even worse, I’m worried about where they’ve been since I visited and if they may have infected others and I caused a chain of infections, and the other people who live in the house (the girlfriend’s children and a family friend). There are only a few places they could have gotten infected other than me. Both the girlfriend and one of her daughters work at Walmart, and one of the daughters goes to school, though school hadn’t been in session for at least 6-7 days before their symptoms started. I don’t know what to do now or how to live with myself if they are infected, especially if it is severe.

I haven’t been able to sleep since I upped my dose of medication. Has anyone else had this problem before? I’ve taken it for months but since it increased the last time I just can’t sleep anymore.

as far as i know, we're supposed to react to our intrusive thoughts by saying "maybe yes, maybe not, i won't figure it out" and accept them. Some even recommend we "agree" to them. I am not going to doubt the effectiveness of this technique but how do you do that. The content of my thoughts bother me so much. Like a person with POCD for example, is supposed to accept the possibility of being a potentional child predator? That sounds dreadful. And i know you're going to probably tell me that this is my OCD talking but I'm afraid that by trying to accept these thoughts I may end up agreeing with them for real. These thoughts feel so out of character yet so real it's hard for me to accept them and let them be. It's a natural response for me to react negatively to them because they're disgusting and confusing. What if i end up liking them and realize that they might actually be true. This is so stressful.

Harm ocd hits hard... brain I think we need some time apart 🤦‍♂️ who else feels this 😔

You know how everything says “you can’t stop your thoughts”, but then everything also says “don’t ruminate or analyze or mentally check” and I’m like is that not all thinking??? How do I stop myself from thinking but also not stop myself from thinking??? I can’t tell what’s intentional thinking and what’s not! I’d like to sue my brain.

Ive had ocd for years they keep changing i used to do numbers even numbers then odd numbers then washing my hands now its harm ocd (and unplugging plugs but i didnt know that was a sign of ocd but when i do unplugg and plug in things i have to do it loads of times) i think about harming people and myself that i DO NOT want to do and i hate it it tortures me i have to think "f*** off (my name) no your not no you dont shut up (my name) no your not no you dont" i have to walk over or past things alot of times becsuse it "slits my wrists" or "slits my neck" and i dont want that to happen so i do the things and i even dont do school work because if i write things wrong i have to cross and cross things out and write them loads of times just to cross them out again and put loads of dots and underline things loads of times and sometimes i cant even put my hand on the paper because its "slitting my wrists" or "slitting my neck" and i dont want to put my self under that much stress so sometimes i just dont do it so i dont get stressed but sometimes i get stressed and carry on and then takes ages to stop and when i stop i dont want to start again incase it starts again and i get shouted at by my teachers for not doing any work most of the time the teachers dont notice that ive done none or not much but then they dont notice me crying over it anyway the worse part is mental health day or when they talk about mental health because all they talk about is depression i know depression is bad but why cant you talk about other things like ocd like eating disorders why cant you just talk about the problems im facing and what other people are facing instead of depression all the time ive told teachers about this my old head of year i told her more than ive told any other teacher more than ive told any one i think actually but theyre no help ive never been to a therapist or whatever you have for things like this i really want to go to one because i think i need one but i feel really awkward talking about things like normal things like underwear and puberty and mental health Ive never actually been told i have ocd I have never been to a doctors or anything I've been reading things about adhd and now i have a feeling i might have that but at the same time i have a feeling i dont have that I also feel like ive gave ocd to my friend because she used to copy me doing things and she told me that she still does them sometimes Thankyou for reading xx

There are several things I've done in the past with the same gender and I never questioned my sexuality it kind of just happened, but I considered myself straight and also liked and wanted to be with guys...but now looking back I wish those things didn't happen, I question why I did them and I feel like I'm trying to convince myself that I'm not bi/gay...and now I wonder if I'm really suffering from hocd or if I'm in denial. Can anyone relate or help?

I have ROCD...does anyone else ever feel like they’re constantly checking their surroundings to see if there’s a pretty girl your Bf or husband could be looking at? I can’t go anywhere Without doing this.

Hi guys I need some help. My OCD has kept me at a standstill. I watched so many videos on OCD recovery and I think I made a theme of ocd around recovery like ‘am I doing this right’ or ‘I think you did that technique wrong’. I then tried to stop obsessing so much but then I know OCD compulsions fuel OCD and became terrified of doing compulsions. Like I would be talking to my brother and my OCD would say this is a compulsion. I then grew a fear I was doing compulsions and when I tried to fix it my OCD theme about recovery would kick in saying I should not be trying to recover so much because I then won’t recover. Does this make sense?? I feel so stuck on what to do

Hi, everyone! I have my first appointment scheduled with a NOCD therapist next week and will be discussing this with her, but until then, I wanted to see if anyone else could relate to this summary of my OCD experience: _____________ I am constantly worried that I’m doing or have done something wrong and that I need to do the “right thing” about it, or that there’s something wrong with me. It’s mostly sexual obsessions, but even contamination obsessions, and they are all connected by the same theme: morality, and the fear that I’m doing something wrong and I need to do the “right thing” about it. I am constantly, wildly overanalyzing everything I do or think or feel, and I think almost everything I’m doing is wrong, or that there’s something morally or sexually wrong with me, and that I desperately need to do the “right thing” about it. My compulsions are to overanalyze my concerns to determine whether or not to do a specific “right thing”, or explain everything to my parents to gain reassurance on whether or not I’m okay. I’ve done this hundreds upon hundreds of times, but my brain is never satisfied with their answers. It always overanalyzes their answers or finds different pieces of logic or factors that play in and evidence that I think really does mean that I’m doing tons of things wrong. To me, my logic and evidence make totally perfect sense that I am doing something wrong, but when I do my compulsions and explain everything to my parents and get reassurance, they say it’s just fine and it’s just OCD. I can’t tell what’s OCD and what’s not. Because of all this, I constantly feel guilt and anxiety and a horrible “something is wrong” feeling so strongly that I can’t enjoy my life anymore. But I know that doing my compulsions never ends; it’s an endless cycle. I try to do ERP as much as I can and not do my compulsions, but I get stuck in panic, wondering if some obsessions are NOT actually OCD, because my logic makes perfect sense that I am doing something wrong and I need to do the “right thing”. But asking my parents to correct my logic is just keeping the compulsion cycle going and because of my over-analyzation, my brain is never satisfied and it never ends. ______________ So that’s my summary that I’m sharing with my NOCD therapist next week. I was wondering if anyone else can relate? It’s not intrusive thoughts that bother me. It’s my own logic. To me, my logic makes perfect sense that I am doing something wrong but when I explain to my parents, they say it’s just OCD. Therefore it’s a LOT harder for me to do ERP — if I knew it was just OCD, it would be easier to resist compulsions! But because my logic makes perfect sense that I AM doing something wrong and that it’s not OCD, it is SO much harder to do ERP, because I would never in a million years want to do something morally wrong or not dk the morally right thing. I can’t tell what’s OCD and what’s not, but trying to fix my logic is an endless cycle of analyzation (and a reassurance compulsion). Can anyone relate and does anyone have advice? (And yes I am religious, that is why my morals are important to me :))