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HOCD thoughts creeped into my dreams again last night, questioning shit and now my body is slightly shaking again.. FML

Maybe I didn't always have pure o but I think my perception of myself has been off for a long time. Feeling weird or different or flawed most of my life. Being made fun of and told I was weird growing up didn't help. Anyone else?

It’s hard lately. It really is. My POCD is ruining everything. I’ve never suffered so bad. I do not even feel anxious anymore, just numb. Numb, depressed, lack of feelings, emotional pain. So much pain. Crying after waking up, crying before I’m going to bed. I’m still trying to do some nice things to keep me distracted like a lot of sports and it helps a little bit but everything else is just too much. I have no idea who I am anymore. I am in a fight with my feelings and emotions because I am afraid to not feel the right emotion in different situations. It feels like my POCD is in control of every emotion and feeling towards another human being. Especially towards my boyfriend. I don’t know if with POCD ROCD is automatically there. But I feel like a liar. I don’t deserve any love, especially not from my boyfriend. It’s not only my thoughts anymore, it’s feelings and emotions too. It feels like I have feelings where I shouldn’t and a lack of feelings where I should feel something. Every emotion and feeling or the lack of it makes me want to cry because I don’t know how to handle it. Even typing these words I feel like a liar. I feel so wrong. Why is my mind so convincing. I once was proud of it but now it’s my worst enemy. It’s like it wants me to never be happy again, to never feel loved, to never be able to live. I’m just trying to keep going, keep fighting but I feel like it’s just getting worse. This illness sucks. I hope we all will get through this somehow.

Would you consider a towel just cleaned but was then laid on by a dog okay to use? This is for those who are much better than i, i wanted some opinions as to if I am being OCD right now because i am about to kill my mother. So what happened is I am staying with my mom right now. She did my laundry without my permission. I am a bit particular with how i like to do my laundry and she has a big habit of doing things i view as unsanitary and then taunting me with my OCD and telling me I’m psycho for telling her shes wrong. This time she washed the towels I use and then let our family dog lay on them while we folded them. Now i love our dog he’s my baby but that doesn’t change the fact that he runs around outside and goes to dog parks were I’m sure he steps in pee the whole time and she only gives him a bath maybe every 4 months. When i got mad and said i cant use them and i need to rewash them she basically told me that if i rewash them i have to leave and then mixed them with all the other towels which makes me feel like i need to wash all of them. So would you be worried about this? Consider it clean or not? Im trying to not go crazy or care but i cant stop imagining all the shit and pee on those towel and how I’m going to get a vaginal infection or pink eye from it when i dry off from a shower. Im pisst and the more i think about it the more i cant sleep and the more wholes i want to punch into the wall and her.

Can hocd really feel this real? I can never shake it off that I’m not really straight. It just seems that one day out of the blue I realized I was gay. I don’t even know anymore. Every time I see I pretty girl it feels so real, I try to accept the thought but it just doesn’t work. I just want to like guys and that’s all.

My OCD is ruining my relationship. Well, not just my OCD. My fiancé/baby daddy is also an impatient know-it-all asshole. I cant stop obsessing over lots of different things (a lot of which include/affect him) and instead of understanding that I’m trying to fix myself, he just yells at me and puts me down. The other day he punched a hole in the wall and told me I was a bad girlfriend. I know I’m no ball of sunshine, but I still feel like I should be treated better.

Hi peeps :) was wondering how many of you guys struggle with emetaphobia aswell?

Can someone explain what magical thinking OCD is please :))

Happy Sunday all! Just wanted to share how successful ERP has been for me and how much I am improving and wanted to give advice to anyone who has questions!

Please some advice for ROCD, I’m having a bad day feeling lifeless and hopeless Today I’ve sat and allowed the intrusive feelings and thoughts about an ex to flow over me today without resisting in a bid to do some ERP and now I just feel guilty and lifeless. I am in love with my boyfriend who is so supportive and incredible. But not a day passes where this ex is in my head. And it scares me. Because I know I love my current boyfriend. I know these thoughts are intrusive but they feel so real, is that normal? I call them ‘fake feelings’ telling myself that it’s the ocd trying to trick me. This ex was awful. He was nasty and mean. I know I don’t want to be with him but then intrusive thoughts kick in and they feel so real so I get extremely guilty. I even feel guilty typing this. Can anyone help me please? ?

Having such a hard doing laundry with contamination OCD - help!

People have mentioned it already but it's worth repeating: watch Ali Greymond videos on YouTube!

Ooookkkkk so I’m not sure if this is POCD or not but here goes. I’ve briefly mentioned it in a post, but not in much depth. Basically, there a 12 year old character in a film that I literally LOVE. And initially it was because of his personality in the film and all that, but now I’m scared it’s about what he looks like. He’s attractive and I can’t deny that, but I’d hate to think that I only like him because he’s young. And the issue is, I get happy when I think about him or watch edits about him because he’s such a great character. I just don’t want that to be because of his appearance. Dhjssjjsjshdueiwis.

Has anyone heard of or tried the no shampoo or soap In the shower thing? Apparently it’s a thing people are doing so I decided to try it and so far it’s going great! I wanted to reduce my shower time and soap is the real problem so now that I read we really don’t need it I’ve cut my shower down from 1-2 hrs to 20-30 min! I’m so happy! I still feel clean even tho I have contamination ocd I just don’t get dirty right before I shower like I used to it’s not too hard either I found. :) I’m almost 3 weeks in now!

Anyone out there have ocd where everything you do throughout the day involves a ritual? I have a ritual for laying in my bed, if I touch the covers a certain way I have to continuously touch them with my left and then my right arm and then touch them to each part of my clothing. I have a ritual for getting out of bed, washing my face, getting dressed, going to the bathroom, showering, you name it. Lately I began liking a boy and the uncertainty and anxiety I feel about it has me spazzing out with excess ritualistic behavior. The type of compulsions I have are things such as - touching the cabinet 7 times or doing everything with my right ring finger touching the object ( such as putting the keys in the door, applying makeup, anything has to be with my right hand with my ring finger touching) this has been going on since I was 8 and I’ve gone to countless therapists and am currently on Prozac which has helped to an extent, but I’d like to see if there’s anyone out there with similar rituals or any advice? Also, every time I try to stop my rituals and like quit my ocd cold turkey SOMETHING BAD HAPPENS and just further perpetuates my fear and makes the OCD stronger ;(

What is your OCD story? I’m curious to hear about what other people’s journeys with OCD have been like. When you were diagnosed/what kind of treatment you have tried/what kind of OCD or symptoms do you have/what has helped you most? For me personally I don’t have a lot of people that I feel comfortable sharing my journey with in real life so I like having the chance to let it out on another platform. I’d love to hear whatever you are willing to share. I’ll start by sharing my journey. I was first diagnosed with and treated for OCD when I was seven (12 years ago). It started when my parents noticing that I was constantly smelling and washing my hands. I also worried a lot about my family’s safety and had a lot of magical thinking: I couldn’t throw anything away, had special walking rituals, had to touch things certain ways, etc. When I got to high school my symptoms got worse. I was re-diagnosed with OCD, dermatillomania, social anxiety, generalized anxiety, panic disorder, and depression. My OCD had morphed into just right/perfection obsessions (took me hours to do a simple homework assignment and I spent hours per day reviewing my interactions to look for mistakes), contamination OCD (couldn’t go outside, in my car, downstairs in my home, etc.), magical thinking OCD (knocked on wood over 60 times per day), health OCD, fears of losing control and intrusive thoughts. My life was consumed by my disorders so I entered a partial hospitalization program for OCD for 12 weeks. Two years later I was still struggling to function. I felt like I had tried everything. intensive ERP, 13 different medications, 11 different mental health specialists so I decided to enter residential OCD treatment. I was there for 3 months. It helped a lot to have the intensive ERP and 24/7 staff support. I got also got a much better grasp on my issues. I still struggle but I know how to deal with my obsessions and compulsions. I doubt anyone made it this far but if you did thank you for your time. I’m definitely interested in reading other people’s stories no matter how short or long they are :). Have a great day.

*Potential hocd trigger alert* So my therapist have decided that it was a good idea too make me sign up for a community kinda app as a homework kinda thing. //she originally wanted me to sign up for a dating site but I’m both a.Way to shy and ugly for that and b.there aren’t really and good dating apps out there for gay girls// She think that I need to leave my comfort zone and socialize.... so basically what I’m trying too say is that umm if anyone would be interested in chatting sometimes or something my sc is ellsadw I can’t guarantee that I won’t be a awkward sarcastic mess tho hehe

I am a full recluse. I panic when I try to step outside. When people ask my parents about me, they tell them that I just like staying at home. I hate that. People must believe that I don't consider them worth my time and effort. My parents ( particularly my Dad) seem to be trying to hide my mental illness. Dad said that it's a reflection on him and that people will think I'm mistreated. I can't stop thinking about it. I just feel physically and mentally trapped. I don't know what to do.

BEAT THE BITCH (OCD) - Lets b realistic, ocd is hardwired, its connected with the brain, its physical not psychological. - that means we cannot cure it (u r not going for brain surgery) - we hv to manage it so that our quality of life improves & we hv a sense of control back in life. ---------------------------- Lets know it : -ocd will throw at u a thought fueled with anxiety and doubt. -the thought wont go away. -the anxiety wont go away - the anxiety will increase if u try to push it out. - u cannot shut the thought with reasoning & logic, u r just wasting ur time (bcos the hardware/brain is malfunctioned). - pills & psychologist wont work. - u r in hell & no one knows it. -ur family & friends cannot understand it. - its a curse. ----------------------------- How to Manage ? - identification : as the thought pops up, identify it as ocd, if u hv doubt that it is ocd or not then it is definitely ocd. - acceptance : since we hv accepted that ocd cannot b cured therefore do not b afraid of the thought,let the thought stay. - the anxiety : know that the thought will start to generate greater & greater anxiety, may b u will get headaches, stress etc.. - divergence : now start to focus on breath, when u breathe in say 1 (in ur mind) & when u breathe out say 2 (in ur mind), breathe normaly. - focus : focus on breathing for as long as u can, 5 mins,10 mins, 15 mins..ur mind will wander off in seconds but soon u will remember u had to focus on breathing then bring thr mind back to breathing. - the technique : this is meditation technique, we are not pushing the thought away & we do not want the thought to leave but we are just focusing elsewhere. So we are not fighting ourselves. - the result : meditation clears up the mind & it will help u out surely. & meditation can help in physical & mental ailments. -the challange : everyone has some challanges in life, everyone suffers in there own ways...which are unkown to others. This is your challange. ----------------------------- try this & comment ur experience. (m battling ocd since 2001) peace.

I’ve never heard of HOCD. When I read about it, it says “fear of being homosexual when you are straight or vice versa,” yet it’s still called “homosexual OCD.” I’m a lesbian and I am having a hard time wrapping my head around this concept because honestly the symptoms sound kind of homophobic? Constantly FEARING you might be gay? I’m trying to think of it from other people’s perspective and trying not to be insensitive, it’s just that when I was questioning my sexuality it’s because I was actually gay, and the symptoms sound a lot like someone just discovering their sexuality but being struck with fear and hiding it. Thoughts?