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tw inc*st ocd, compulsions, mention of s*ic*de okay ive had enough this is too overwhelming. you can punch me kick me in the face kill me spit on me my brain is so sure that i am my thoughts right now. i think im becoming delusional. i know the basis of the thought is NOT factual but that's it my brain has come up with so many weird alternatives that could all be possible given that EVERYTHING IS POSSIBLE. i know for a fact that im not crushing on that family member but my brain is convinced i have some hidden suppressed sexual desire that just doesn't take the form of a regular crush due to the fact that it's abnormal and unconventional. groinals and false feelings of attraction just reinforce this confusion. i opened an incognito tab, took 3 different paraphilia tests which all told me im not paraphilic, looked up questions about inc*st on quora, drew all of my attention on the said family member to check for sensations and feelings etc. i try to think of men im actually attracted to and how my feelings compare to what im experiencing regarding my intrusive thoughts to make sense of this but it doesn't help. im literally all full of reassurance but nothing works. IT FEELS SO REAL. back then i was mostly bothered by the presence of the thoughts now i am just straight up questioning whether it is true. i don't want it to be true. but i can't control my desires or my libido. maybe this is just who i am and I'll have to accept it. i don't even know why i am saying all this when there is no valid evidence that my thoughts are ego-syntonic. when i first got the thoughts i was so overwhelmed and lost i told myself that I would kms if they turn out to be true because i don't want to be a deviant. im only a teenager and ive never had any weird sexual behaviors but this is making me question everything. it's like i know the thought ain't true but maybe it is in a different context?? i genuinely feel delusional and im constantly anxious and restless. it's like there's something at the back of my head telling me it's true it's true and i can't shake it away. ive been overthinking my compulsions and assumed im just faking them to pass as a person with ocd. the urges and feelings feel so real but i freaking despise them. but maybe im just a lost cause. im literally losing insight of everything and i don't know what to do.

I got really triggered the other day because I saw someone say they used to “scream and not be able to calm down” from their OCD and I’m in no way trying to talk bad about that person cause idk what all they were going through, but for some reason that triggered the idea of my thoughts taking over me and possibly doing what my thoughts are about since my thoughts are about harming myself.. cause if you can’t get your mind to calm down then what are you supposed to do? :/ I’m just SO tired of this taking over my life

I’m having a panic attack how can I make it go away someone please help

Two days ago I was hospitalized for a panic attack and now I’m sober (TW: panic attacks, alcoholism, eating disorders) I’d been relying on alcohol for a while to self medicate my somatic OCD, dysphasia, and swallow anxiety. I’ve also been using it to cope with working odd hours from home and living with my parents. Two days I began to experience some mild alcohol withdrawals (shakes, nausea, dehydration) after having drank a lot and eaten very little the previous day. It wasn’t anything unbearable, until I came on with a sudden bout of nausea and went to my bed to lay down. My heart began racing and felt like I was going to die. I called my boyfriend to tell him what was happening and asked him to call me in a few hours to check on me (my parents whom I live with are out of town so I was by myself). I’ve worked in rehab so I know that alchohol withdrawals went deadly, but can cause seizures in extreme cases. I also recently had a family friend die in her sleep from complication from alcoholism and an eating disorder. I then began having a full blown panic attack and felt like I was going to die. I dialed 911 and the paramedics came. They looked at my heart rate and asked me questions and assured me I was only experiencing a panic attack. I declined to go to hospital and they left once my boyfriend arrived to make sure I wasn’t alone. After about a half an hour, I still couldn’t bring myself out of the panic. I was shaking, crying, my vision became blurry, and I could barely swallow any water. My boyfriend drove me to ER because I still felt like I was going to die. They put be on IV fluids for the dehydration and some meds (Ativan) to bring down my panic and anxiety. When the doctor examined me he reassured me my alcohol dependence and physical health were no where near the levels that would be considered deadly, and what I was experiencing was just a panic attack exasperated by mild withdrawals and dehydration. He gave me a short term prescription for Xanax and some referrals to addiction counselors. Since leaving the hospital, I haven’t drank at all and have only been using the Xanax (not abusing it or driving after taking it) and marijuana in the form of vape pens and THC gummies. I also take sertraline (Zoloft) daily and have been taking SSRIs for years. I’m scared of the idea of becoming completely alcohol free, at least until 1) I’m no longer taking Xanax, and 2) lowered my alcohol tolerance to avoid experiencing withdrawals or over drinking again. Has anyone else dealt with sobriety or other forms of addictions? I feel really scared moving forward rn.

Any paroxetine users out there???

I would really appreciate some responses! This is hard I am having ROCD I guess and I am constantly comparing my relationship and overall life and happiness to others. I always see people on social media trying to better themselves and I have no motivation b/c I am so depressed. My job is meh I don’t exercise don’t see friends much. I wonder if I moved to a different state if I’d be happier and if my problems would be solved but I don’t want to go alone where I don’t know anyone. I Google mental health disorders sometimes and articled about relationships I am scared I lost the ability to love and I’ll get abandoned because of OCD & my anxiety. I am scared this was all triggered bc I am ready to move in now and my boyfriend is not. I just want certainty and all these doubts to go away. Also my therapist on this app if I message her I am scared I don’t have ocd etc she will just be like you’re right, what if you don’t? Is she just not trying to give reassurance? I am confused about the concept of sitting in doubt and uncertainty it seems impossible. Why would my mind target the person who usually gives me the most comfort? Is it not meant to be? :(

Hey everyone! Any advice on how to stop confessing? Really struggling to battle the intense urgency and panic to confess every white lie, thought or comment I’ve ever said to my boyfriend. Some date back years and they’re always trivial things but it’s horrible for my boyfriend and myself! I get a very small amount of relief but sit anxiously until the next thing comes into my head! Any thought processes or techniques to use would be so helpful. Thank you xx

My OCD story - you are not alone Today my husband and I went to see my psychologist and showed him a diagram to help explain it better. I think this helped. I did feel very vulnerable afterwards because I did think he would reject me afterwards. How could he not? After our session I went to speak to my husband and I said that I felt like I had lied about my ocd for the entirety of our relationship. He said I hadn’t lied but couldn’t tell him and who can blame me. I can’t tell you how accepted that made me feel. Later on today I was walking around home bargains and it felt like a received a universal truth. I suffer from intrusive thoughts: I have always suffered from intrusive thoughts. As a teenager I would pray every night that my family would be kept “happy, safe and healthy” and if I didn’t do it right or felt like I didn’t mean it, I would have to do it again until it felt right. I remember the first time it really escalated. I was in a nightclub in Sheffield and all of a sudden nothing felt real. I didn’t feel real. I felt in a goldfish bowl and I never recovered from that moment. From then on I felt I had to check if everything around me felt “real” enough continually. This ran side by side with deep fear something would happen to my parents now I wasn’t living at home. I would ring every day without fail, sometimes a couple of times a day. If the conversation or if our goodbye wasn’t done just right then that was it - I didn’t appreciate them enough and so they were going to die and it was my fault. This coupled with intrusive thoughts of “you keep thinking about their death, you must secretly want it” which I would perform rituals of praying as I have done before in order to “neutralise” that irrational and intrusive thought. The intrusive thoughts told me that after the death of my brother that I wanted my parents to die too and that was soul destroying. This continued until 2010.. Early 2010 I got engaged. Within 4 weeks of this an intrusive thought came into my mind: “What if I don’t love him?” “What if he’s wrong for me?” “How do I know if we will be together forever?” Cue praying rituals again, severe panic attacks, 2 stone weight loss and suicidal thoughts.. Sadly through no fault of our own the relationship wasn’t solid enough to survive that. May 2011 I moved home and the intrusive thoughts quietened for a few months until my ex got in contact and I began to get low level anxiety that he was in contact as was a “threat” to this new life I had created. So I began logging into his social media to see if was in a relationship or seeing anyone to check there was no “threat” I was genuinely relieved when I would see he had a girlfriend and even when he got engaged and married. I had met someone and the guilt lifted when I knew he was happy. But then the guilt shifted to what I had done. Logging in maybe once every 3 months turned into every day - frantically checking that there was so sign that I’d logged in. I didn’t feel safe for the day until I knew this. As soon as I had kids and had the extra stress this became unmanageable. After 18 months or so of doing this I finally bit the bullet and changed his password in the hope that now this meant I couldn’t check anymore and I would be free of intrusive thoughts. Not so, it then went to other social media sites to rid myself of the anxiety.....now I’m at the stage where my intrusive thoughts tell me I have to check every single website and phone number I use and this is where I am at now. But what is different today is that I am truly beginning to believe myself when I say they are intrusive thoughts...before I was convinced they weren’t intrusive thoughts but my real desires and felt a deep sense of shame. I hope that by writing this I can look back on it and remind myself - my intrusive thoughts are not important.

I just had this breakdown because of my thoughts. I kept getting the thoughts and images and kept yelling in my head “stop thinking about this” or “no I’m not this or that” or “no I don’t have this or that.” But I took a shower hoping that it would help me but at the beginning of my shower but it was the same way. THEN ON TOP OF ME STARTING TO CRY, I KEPT GETTING GROINAL RESPONSES 🙄. But I just kept crying and wishing it would all end. I hate ocd so much :/

People who have difficulty completing tasks due to OCD or a combo of OCD and ADHD, and who are used to using OCD anxiety to make themselves do things, how do you stop and what do you replace it with?

Hi everyone, I am having a really bad day struggling with HOCD. A little bit amount me is I am a 22 year old woman. Since the pandemic began my HOCD has been consistent as well as Trans OCD has developed. I also just want to say half my friends are part of the LGBTQ+ community and I love them dearly. What I am struggling with today is, currently I am living at home. A huge fear I have with the HOCD is if I were gay then I would have to come out to my family and what if they didn’t love me, specifically my mom. All day I’ve been around her and battling in my head to ask her if she would still love me if I was gay or if I was trans. I am 99% sure rationally she would still love me but it’s a huge fear I have. To lose my family’s support of me. I have a fear she would be disappointed in me if I was. I am also on my third week taking Prozac and am experiencing a large amount of panic. The weather is also super gloomy today by where I am which has impacted my mood. I’m just trying to tell myself the thoughts are only temporary. I guess I’m just looking for some support from people who know this feeling. Thanks for reading.

I just had my last cup of regular coffee. My body just can’t deal with caffeine induced anxiety anymore. I really wish I could have been one of those ppl that can handle regular coffee but I can’t. I feel like a complete failure. I also know that stopping caffeine will be so much better for me in the long run. I told my family I don’t want to go for Easter. I’m having awful intrusive thoughts about having a panic attack and ruining their time. I just want to have time to myself to try to get better

Do you ever feel like you’re going through your day with no intrusive thoughts and then suddenly your brain goes “see you weren’t thinking about that at all” and then that triggers you to think about the thoughts? I feel like that’s the story of my life rn🥺

does anyone else feel like they know they’re denying the truth??

Anyone else get excited before going on vacation, then when you get to your destination your ocd/anxiety flares up? So unfair, it’s like the fun then gets sucked out of your trip and you won’t be fine again until you return home

Sometimes I feel like I have some kind of sexual disorder or something with the amount of sexually-intrusive/taboo thoughts that can pop up at anytime even though I have no plans or have ever had such desires to act out upon them

lately i’ve been comparing myself a lot to my friend and i find myself always falling short. i’m now at the point where i literally can’t think of one good quality in myself. she’s just really amazing? like good at everything kinda person. she’s one of the smartest girls, she’s funny, she’s confident, she’s a good friend etc. she has a solid family, a big house and good opportunities. beyond that she’s also quite mature / serious (when need be) and so she’s always taken seriously for her struggles. like she’s not the kind of person who would ever exaggerate or be showing it off for attention. i’ve always struggled with my self esteem but i still thought i was smart and stuff. it’s just, when i compare myself to her, i have no defining quality. like i’m just a watered down version. there’s nothing that makes me ‘me’. the only positive is probably my people pleasing tendencies (where i can see people’s needs well) and i guess my care for people but it’s not that she lacks those. she just doesn’t have to people please. and with my struggles too, i always worry she thinks i’m being dramatic. or over exaggerating, so i don’t even wanna confide in her anymore. and also, with this is particular, i can’t confide in her. all in all i’m just feeling so poor about myself. like i’m not good enough and never will be when she’s so great. i wish i had something about me that could make me feel special but there isn’t anything. all of this has been making me cry a lot lately. like i don’t wanna be myself anymore.

Anyone with Religious OCD want to chat? (First time on here)

Can anyone talk? Please?

Just wondering if stopping masterbation is another compulsion I have, I don’t want to do it cause it will trigger the thoughts and I’ve tried to do it before and it just made my thoughts worse so I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to do it because of my thoughts but I don’t want to never masterbate again because that means ocd is winning by controlling me. What do I do? I’m just so confused about if I’m doing things wrong or if stopping usual behaviour is making my ocd worse. Also does anyone feel like they have completely lost their sex drive or don’t even feel attracted to the people you used to be attracted to before the intrusive thoughts? I feel like I’m not attracted to men anymore and I don’t know why. It really scares me because I get thoughts like what if I’m really starting to become a p? Sometimes I feel like the ocd is changing who I am and I don’t feel like myself anymore, I haven’t feel like my true self ever since these thoughts started. Just want to know if anyone has had similar experiences.