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Any success stories with ROCD? Really struggling here. No reassurance, just need some hope that it will get better

Real event OCD people, how do you feel about the upcoming way to erase memories? Would you get them erased? Scientist are working on a better form of electroconvulsive therapy that doesn't get rid of good memories as well.

tw: reassurance seeking. i love my bf so much. we are long distance and i had a thought about this guy who lives close to me. i became obsessed w thinking “what if i like this other guy, what if my relationship isn’t good enough”. even tho i feel like i know i am not attracted to him i hadn’t been able to stop worrying that i like him for days on end. my bf came to visit me for the weekend for our 2yr anniversary and i felt so relieved from the thoughts. not even an hour after he left the thoughts came back bc i saw the guy in class and haven’t stopped since the beginning of this week. i keep comparing them to try to stop the feelings which makes me feel so guilty because i know he doesn’t compare. it only makes me feel worse. is this normal and how can i stop it? i just want to feel that relief again. i told my bf how i was feeling last week and i told him how it’s not real but it feels very distressing. i haven’t told him that the feelings returned this week and i feel super guilty bc the guy is one of my friends. it’s just really stressful. idk if i’m using compulsions by asking these questions, how to stop using compulsions, or if i even have ocd, but i have thoughts that i obsess over day and night (literally while i’m sleeping too) and i need advice:( it’s super confusing bc i feel like i know the truth, but the thoughts feel unbearably real. idk rlly how to not use reassurance seeking/compulsions while i’m venting abt this? i’ll put a tw on this in case.

I hope this doesn't sound crazy, but is there any way I could get a therapist to contact my previous therapist about an issue that I need to resolve with them?

Anyone else’s OCD not constant? I don’t know if this is normal or not but I’ve had 3 flair ups in my life time that I can remember. The first 2 we’re harm OCD (obviously I didn’t know this was what was happening to me at the time.) I was in middle school the first time and i randomly had a fear that I might hurt my mom. I remember laying awake all night and not being able to focus on my school work. That slowly just fizzled out on its own (Thank God.) Fast forward to 2017 and the harm OCD came back towards my boyfriend. I almost broke up with him over it because I thought there was no way I could ever be with him after having these thoughts of thinking I might harm him physically. Again, it just kind of went away after I opened up to my dad about it and he introduced me to what I now know are intrusive thoughts…Fast forward again to 2 months ago exactly. I got an intrusive thought that I didn’t love my Fiancé anymore after randomly finding someone else attractive. This is the same man I had the harm OCD towards. I married him a little over 2 weeks ago and I’m still currently struggling with ROCD and I’m surprised to say it’s even worse than the harm OCD ever was. Every relapse or flare up seems to consistently get worse and last much longer. 😞 I don’t want to have to live in fear of this always being a roller coaster I can’t get off of.

OCD can often make you doubt your diagnosis or your struggles. So many times, I hear from people who feel like they are faking OCD or are an "imposter" - like they're not sick enough or OCD enough. OCD is the doubting disorder and will make you doubt EVERYTHING - including your treatment, your symptoms, whether you have OCD in the first place, etc. Try to respond to these doubts the same way you would with other doubts in the disorder. Just try to let them be there, try not to answer those questions, try to just move on with your regularly scheduled programming as if you did not have that thought and witness the anxiety come down naturally.

I feel like ever since the pandemic and the intense anxiety that came with it, my intimacy has never been the same. I focus too much on how I “should” feel or if I feel “enough” for my partner instead of just letting myself feel. I have unrealistic standards about what sex should be and I have this mindframe that sex should be visually appealing as well, as in I need to find every single thing about my partner attractive. I love my partner, but I’m not a fan of hair and sometimes I see him naked and think damn genitals are weird lol and then I feel guilty for feeling that way. The biggest reason I don’t let myself just feel and think how I want is because I’m terrified that I don’t truly enjoy it or that I’m forcing myself to. If my partner looks attractive to me naked I worry that it’s only because society says I should like a shirtless man and not because I actually like it. All these thoughts and false notions make me feel like something is “wrong” during intimacy even if I’m truly enjoying myself which makes me spiral more and worry that something is truly missing even though all I really desire is to have my partner with me in bed. I worry that if I didn’t push past my anxiety, would I even like it ? Am I just forcing myself ? I don’t want to, I don’t think I am. I have my likes and dislikes just like everyone else but for the most part I truly love seeing my partner in pleasure and when he does the same for me. What can I do to fight these unrealistic standards and the feeling of doom and despair and worry I have each time we engage in intimacy ?? My themes have gotten better but the biggest battle I fight now is just letting myself feel without worrying that I don’t feel enough. Is this even a part of ocd ??

Is there anyone I can talk to about existential thoughts. I’m not sure if they are intrusive or not but they are about that. I just need some advice please. If you don’t get triggered easily than I would appreciate the help!! If you do than continue scrolling and have a nice day :)

Im having thoughts which I dont even know are intrusive or not towards girls. Rumination and overthinking has brainwashed me so much, I was reading my comments on ocd videos when it first started and i cant recognize or feel emotion towards my own words. I was sure it was ocd back then, I was sure that I was straight and liked women and not men I was sure of many things but it feels like all that was accidental and all the rumination(if thats what it was) led me to today giving these urges, feelings and thoughts and that these are the real me and I believe in it too. All the shit ocd put me through makes sense when I put the pieces together, Idk what I have done to myself. Im genuinely scared that Im gay now, If I told a therapist all my thoughts they would think this too, I dont really want to commit ßuicide but its the only way out it seems, Im too far gone

does anyone else struggle with worrying that they don’t have ocd bc that little voice in your head during compulsions has shut up? i realize i’m doing compulsions now with no little voice telling me what will go wrong, what might happen if i don’t do xyz, etc. and so now i’m worried i really don’t have ocd bc there’s not the thoughts telling me to do the compulsions i just do them now. and most of the time i’m not aware that i’m doing them and so whenever i do have that realization i get super freaked out and my anxiety rises bc i think that it’s not actually ocd and that i’m doing this to prove to myself that i do when i don’t?? but i KNOW i have severe ocd (self diagnosed) for example, today i opened the fridge at a grocery store and it took me 6 different tries to pick the “right” smart water. now 6 isn’t an ocd number for me but the feeling of something being just right is and so earlier when that happened i realized i didn’t have any thoughts beforehand telling me “if u don’t pick the right smart water xyz is true/will happen” << which that is a typical intrusive thought for me but when i had that realization i freaked out and my brain listed all of the intrusive thoughts i could pick from and put in place for that compulsion however i didn’t think of it beforehand and so i’m freaked out i don’t have ocd idk i’m so fucking tired of all this shit.

Why is it I only feel love randomly… I know I’ve been under a lot of stress. My uncle died 2 days ago and I am sad about it but I feel normal more than I have ever been. Why…. I know I need to sit with it but it’s difficult. One day I feel so good to at I can say okay. I know I love my partner and everything is okay. But then I start thinking about the future and it all goes down hill.

Hey everyone! So I’ve been having incredibly terrifying panic attacks recently and feeling like I’m dying. Does anyone else experience this/learned any skills to calm down/cope?

Does anyone else have problems of doubting what if it’s not ocd and what if and I actually want this if so what do I tell it when it does ??

I need a little bit of hope, please read me... My relationship really was the best but when rocd hitted me, it destroyed everything. It's been almost 2 years and everything was a little bit better. But one day the obssesions came back but feeling more realistic than ever. Like this time it's really the truth. I have 0 libido, it gives me so much anxity to kiss him. We have a lot of problems because I am never turned out. I have so much nightmares about cheating and being turned up with other people. Im exhausted. I just wanna end this rocd phase but i am so scared that i cant and that it can ruin my relationship instead. I feel so numb. I can't feel anything and i am so worried and quedtion if i've finally lost everything that i felt for him. I am so scared. I really feel that i wanna be with him and that everything is going to be better but also i have so much fear , what if things cant get better? And everything is already ruined. I need hope, im scared if it isn't rocd anymore? 😔

So I just wanna speak some stuff out that I keep going back and forth on to hopefully give me some clarity. (Feel free to share your own stories if you have gone through something similar, I’d love to get different perspectives!). So I’m a sophomore in college and spent my whole freshman year doing classes online from home. In august I moved in and had the most intense panic attacks I’ve ever experienced. Eventually I chose to take a leave of absence for this semester and I’ve been working on becoming mentally healthier and focusing on doing things I want that I never made time for before. So now I’m conflicted on whether I should go back to the school I’m currently enrolled in which is 5 hours away from home or transfer to a school I can commute to. Luckily I have some really good schools within driving distance but I also like the school I am currently in. It’s well known and has really good academics. At the moment I’m leaning towards transferring because I would be able to continue seeing my therapist, have my own room where I have space to work on myself, I would have my own car, and some more stuff. I’m kind of at the point where I feel like either my ocd is subconsciously trying to sabotage me so I don’t go to school at all or my pride is holding me back. I also feel so much less confident applying to schools this time around compared to before. I don’t know what it is but I’m scared of rejection ( even tho if I’m rejected from schools close to home I would just go back to my original school). I wrote my essay yesterday and now I keep feeling like it’s not good enough. Writing this actually helped so much. I feel like the issue is less about what school I go to but gaining confidence in myself and my capabilities.

So bummed to find out that my insurance doesn't cover this therapy. I finally was brave enough to make the call for help and now I'm back at square one. I just can't afford $150 every week... The USA needs to get their act together with healthcare...so discouraging and confusing. Who else is in the same boat or any success stories after being where I am currently?

Hey I'm going to give a major warning because this post is going to contain content about sexual abuse and POCD Hey guys so I was wondering if anyone else was sexually abused as a kid and then carries it over into adulthood in a pocd form. I'm a single mom of two kids and I don't doubt my capabilities from restraining myself from my kids because they are my babies I love them so much. But I have this intense fear that I will be the reason that they go through what I did as a kid and sometimes my dreams become sexual towards my children and then I wake up freaked out at myself and I realized that instead of keeping myself far away from them as possible I think that putting myself around them more and hugging them and giving them love more often has been helping alot to keep me from thinking I'm some kind of monster. This is super weird for me because my oldest is only 3 so this is the first year I've been able to finally keep my thoughts away from me enough to only have very minimal break downs...I cried earlier and decided to just sit there and hold my 2 year old who kept telling me she loves me. This is so hard to combat and I think it's because my worst fear is to be the person to harm my children in the same way I was harmed which was by my brother. Idk guys sorry for rambling I just really needed to share this with other people who understand how scary it is to have a dream regarding your children related to pocd and you wake up thinking you're some kind of monster. Thanks for listening guys

Hey can ppl pls tell me their driving fails I found them so funny last time I asked. I have a lesson soon and I am scared of having a panic attack on the road.

Is this a real event OCD? Pls answer if you have some time to spare I apologise in advance if some part of this post are not comprehensible, english is not my first language. I'm also sorry for dragging too much on the argument, feel free to skip this Almost a month passed and I'm still stressed and anxious about what happened, it definitely has got better but until a week ago I woke up every morning feeling guilty about something I didn't do, it felt like if something was eating me from the inside. I feel like I'm not allowed to be happy, I can't fully enjoy hanging out with my friends anymore without feeling unpure or scared of the fact that one day they will turn their back on me believing the horrible rumors that live in my head, treating me like if I were some kind of a monster and saying things like "I always thought he was weird". I think my worst fear has to be people misunderstanding me, believing in rumors and pointing their finger to me when something bad happens (something that happened a lot in the past) I used to chat in a telegram group with strangers, who were very edgy and joked about anything, even the most fucked up things, I was in the group because at that time I was alone and I didn't have many friends, it was a sort of escapism. As time passed I stopped chatting as often as I used to, almost to the point that I'd open the app only once every month. I deleted my account a lot of times, but I'd always come back out of boredom. Now I'm 15 and I've found a group of good friends that I don't want to lose, so I started hanging out more with them and basically stopped chatting on telegram. I'd check the messages once in a while to see what they were up to, because some of them were genuinely good people. During the summer people in the group chat talked about the new EU Policy called "Chat Control" (you can check it on google, only saying the word triggers my pocd) and some of them started joking about them having **** material, I was grossed out but initially I didn't think too much, I was sure they were joking (the average age of the group was 16, but I know that doesn't mean anything), but it was too much for me. I was afraid that one day someone would leak the chats online and that I'd get cancelled or accused of being something I'm not, and that my friends would leave my side and jump on the rumors because it's always easier that way. (It's the way cancel culture works, guilty until innocent) So I told them that I was quitting telegram because I didn't want to be associated with them anymore and so I did. I also asked some close friends to delete messages containing my real name for the same reason. I also wasn't that type of person anymore, I wanted to surround myself with a healthy enviroment and start being a better and kinder person. I thought that this was also an opportunity to finally close this bad chapter of my life and move on with life. Watching Dr K. on twitch (he's a psychiatrist who streams) also helped me a lot to grow as a person, at that time I suffered a lot from low self esteem, insicurities and bad communication skills, so he helped me prioritize mental health. My dream job is becoming a psychiatrist. Everything was going quite well until that night where I made the mistake to create a new telegram account, out of curiosity and boredom. When I came back a dude in the group chat that misunderstood the reason I had left was convinced that it was was because I had child ****, it triggered me and my pocd kicked in and I started panicking. My worst fear was happening right in that moment. I tried to say that it wasn't true but I don't think I did a very good job explaing myself, as I said before I suck at communicating. After lingering on what to do I made up an excuse to leave and deleted my account. But I think that made things worse, it definitely looked more suspicious. That day the whole world fell on top of me, it felt like everything was over for me. The anxiety and fear of being accused of being a **** was too much for me, until that day I was dealing pretty well with pocd, trying not to think about it. I had thoughts like "what if they start believing what he said? What if they report me to the police? What if my friends find out?" I cried myself to sleep. I didn't eat and speak much for two days, I constantly replayed the conversation that took place that day in my head over and over again, trying to fix my answer, wanting to clear the misunderstanding. I couldn't live with someone thinking that I was a ****. Then I finally vented to my mother, who was surprisingly understandive and willing to listen without judging me. She made me understand thar it wasn't my fault and that I shouldn't feel guilty. That helped me very much, but that still was reassurance right? In fact OCD found other ways to fuck me over, making doubt about other things. Every morning I woke up feeling like a mongers, I went to school feeling like a monster and went to sleep feeling like a monster. There were days where I was "okay" but then OCD would suddenly appear to ruin my day so I'd just go straight inside the bed sheets feeling like shit until it was somehow bereable. It's not that frequent tho, this past week there were more days where I felt "normal" (it was more bereable, but the guilt was always there) than days where I felt like a monster, thanks to the support of my mum and the community on NOCD. But I still don't know when OCD is going to strike me down, stronger than before. The only positive thing that came out of this situation is my stronger relationship with my mother. I should always be thankful to her, but I don't show it enough. I have to hang on til 21 October, that will be my first appointment with a neuropsychiatrist, I want to get help. I think I swayed a lot from my initial question, but could this be a Real Event OCD mixed with POCD?

I have pretty bad contamination ocd. It makes it hard for me to eat enough or drink enough because of my compulsions. It’s getting pretty serious because I hardly drink enough water now. Yesterday I drank maybe two bottles of water and stopped drinking around 2 pm. It’s 10:30 am here and I’ve drank 3 glasses of water finally but that’s only because I started feeling dizzy and light headed. The room was tilting and now I feel pretty sick to my stomach because I know I’ve got to be logically dehydrated. But ocd is up to it’s tricks making me think it’s worse than what it is that maybe I’m really sick, or drugged or poisoned etc. I’ve never really had this happen before. I know logically I have to be dehydrated and this cannot continue. It scares me because I’m not even meaning for it to get this far. It’s just really hard fighting off ocd. I don’t know what to do and I can’t drive myself to therapy now because of the dizziness/lightheadedness. What’s the quickest way to get back to normal?