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If life couldn't help giving me ocd at birth, I wish that it didn't give me pocd out of all the other themes. I know it's not fair to say this, but I wasn't this much depressed when I had contamination ocd and pure ocd.

No matter what I do my emetaphobia is not getting better I think it’s gotten worse I’ve been struggling with it since I was 11 I’m 19 now:( I’m scared of being away from home and getting sick and it also ties into fomo fear of missing out I don’t know why I feel like if I get sick I will also miss out and be absolutely miserable. I’m just so scared of feeling nauseous I need help .

I saw a comment of someone and now my brain is thinking "now you need to m*sturbte yourself thinking in your sister" Im crying, this intrusive thoughts makes me want to cry, I don't want this thought, ah and it gets stuck in my head, HELP ah I'm in crisis, please The week was really good and now this nightmare thought is stuck on my head I'm terrified I don't want this thought, why stills on my brain? Ahhhhh is torture help I feel my day is contaminated my brain with this thought help

I’m so tired of apologizing for my disorder/disability. My sister is having a picnic and I don’t want to go because it is a trigger for me. I have been in a bad place since we lost our mom 4 months ago. I’m having major contamination triggers. I work full time, love alone and maintain my own house (which is a struggle) and take care of our dad on weekends. Yet everyone is mad because I’m not going to the picnic. I just can’t win! I know I should not be listening to the OCD, but it’s been a rough few months and I just can’t take on anything else right now. I feel like such a failure in whatever I do!

Lately, I will do something, any small action and thought will get mixed in. A bit different than urges. For example, I moved my fork towards my mom slightly, and in between I had a thought that I was doing it to st*b her. Or, I will brush my teeth and if I drip water it feels like I'm doing it to contaminate others. Sometimes it shows up as feeling or thoughts and most of the time I cringe as soon as I realize. This is just worse because they're being mixed with my actions, and I'll question whether it was intentional or not. It also feels scarier to bring up to a professional in fear I'll get reported.

has anyone else ever been so weighed down and exhausted by your own thoughts that you just break down and feel like everything is falling apart? i worry a lot about being poisoned or having an illness and today has been especially hard, not sure what to do anymore because i feel as if i have tried everything to stop the thoughts or distract them and nothing works anymore, really wanting some help 🫶🏼

im just really confused right now, i wash my hands dozens of times everyday but my dad just calls me a germaphobe. I had a really bad episode earlier were i came back from the bus and i felt sooo dirty but i couldnt take a shower cause my parents would get mad. I washed my hands for atleast 10 minutes and after that i had to wear gloves. Am i just a germaphobe? Or is this OCD….(not seeking reassurance btw just wondering what you guys think)

I was so good for such a long time. I felt like I truly had a handle on things and everything was going well. Moved to a new city recently and now OCD moved with me and is taking up even more space. Being alone is hard enough! It makes me so angry that on top of the stress of readjusting to a new place, I’m having to fight off these thoughts and feelings like a wildfire. Leave me alone! I hate it. I was so happy. The world I lived in was great. Now everywhere I go I’m convinced that everyone despises me or I’m covered in diseases or whatever the hell it is at that given moment. It’s got me in this box because I feel like I can’t say anything to anyone without asking for reassurance. Now I am just filled with a burning frustration nonstop. Anger isn’t an emotion I usually experience as a result of ocd but I’ve had it. It’s so so so annoying damnit

Hello, I am fairly new to this app. I wanted to speak about the way I dream. I have dreams like I am hurt physically usually bloody either self inflicted or by some random person in my dream. Then I get saved by people I care about like friends or even people that I have a crush on. Or sometimes I have dreams that I speak about tramuatic events that I went through as a child to a crush and the feel bad for me and want to help me. I dont fear these dreams at all but I notice every time I sleep I ball my fists and when I dont I cant sleep.I clench my fists so hard in the morning they are sore. Also these dreams are almost every night.I am also very sensitive to how people talk to me if I am yelled at I shut down and have chest palpitations that radiate to my heart to my arms numbing it. Does anyone else experience any of these? Ive been researching and found myself here. For reference I have been tested for ADHD and I dont have it but I was told I might have OCD from the other symptoms I experience like heavy Intrusive thoughts, anxiety attacks/episodes, depression,dissociation ( like I am not real and even my emotions are like frozen and more) , bothered all day if something is moved by someone else when I put it a certain way, rituals ( blinking, and looking away from something multiple times mostly in number of twos etc), contamination ( washing my hands many times in between getting dressed after eacb task to feel clean), hating certain textures of fabrics or objects(more of a werid one ive had for a long time),procrastination, reassurance on all my action causing me to not think for myself, poor memory or false memory,and more.Any response would be helpful.

I touched a random used towel by accident and I STILL don’t feel like my hand is clean after washing them with soap so many times. I used hot water and ran it under my hand till it burned HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA- I hate this f*cking mental illness… I should never ask for reassurance but…I really need this. Do you all think it’s clean enough, genuinely?

I work with kids so as to be expected my contamination ocd (surrounding getting sick, especially throwing up) gets triggered a lot. Which is hard, but usually worth it for me as I’m really passionate about my work. But sometimes it feels like I don’t know how I will be able to manage my contamination ocd while working with kids the rest of my life (teaching). It makes me really sad when I think about how my other coworkers don’t have these same worries of getting sick and can then focus more on their meaning fully work. Like today, a kid told me she threw up last night after her water bottle had previously sprayed water on my face and I couldn’t focus fully on the class for the rest of my shift 😭 which isn’t fair to the kids either but I did my best, considering I’m still reeling from that and struggling to refrain from rumination and other compulsions. Just trying to tell myself that I’ll survive regardless of if I get sick or not, even though my ocd brain equates throwing up to death haha. Anyways I’m not looking for reassurance, but more so just wanted to vent and see if anyone can relate at all.

I have a little scratch on my finger. Someone shook my hand after work meeting, I wanted to resist and tell that person I have a scratch on my finger but didn’t not. Instead I shook their hand. Now I’m obsessing that I may pass some disease to that person. I don’t have any disease I can pass to them that I’m aware off. Feel terrible guilt for not resisting that shake and telling person I have a cut. Please help. How do I deal with it? Maybe, maybe not statements don’t work for me.

This is a very specific and unique situation that I don’t think many (if any) will be able to relate….and I am not sharing this to get validation. Its more of a lack of connection and lack of understanding situation. I feel really alone. I have had OCD since I was a child. I truthfully think it happened because of some not okay sexual things happening at home. To add fuel to the fire God decided to give me type 1 diabetes as a child…which only intensified the OCD. Especially because the mother he assigned to me is extremely controlling and emotionally abusive. I am 33 years old living at home- I would have never dreamed my life would have ended up as terrible as it did and I have no words to express that. It isn’t for lack of trying, ive been working since I was 14 years old. But With the economy and the cost of my disease (that is out of control) and disability only offering me $800 a month, i am stuck at home. Pity party starting now: Imagine for a moment your OCD is cleanliness. And you have a disease that not only causes you severe pain; but causes other issues such as but not limited to, issues with going to the bathroom. ie: if my sugar is 400 like it is currently the piss Will spray out of me like a broken faucet and get on my inner thigh like it has just done. Not only this but anyone who has experienced blood sugar this high would know it causes scary cognitive function issues and dark thoughts, spiraling thoughts. So I can’t just work through the thought of being dirty..ive tried..i spiral. Then my sugar gets worse, i faint and have to call the ambulance. Imagine having a mother who after 20 years of you being sick can’t understand it. And doesn’t care how sick you are or how you feel in regards to your diabetes. And who laughs and makes fun of you in regards to your OCD. And now imagine you live in America where everything is so expensive that you can’t leave.

i’m just getting over a pretty bad anxiety attack. it also started when i was making food and a wave of nausea hit me which of course sent me into a spiral. however i started thinking about how i’ve really neglected actually trying to work through my fear and thoughts over getting sick. because i’m so hyperfocused on getting my harm thoughts to diminish and be gone, i haven’t been doing the same for my contamination. i’ve pretty much diagnosed myself with emetophobia. and i know that’s so unhealthy to do especially as someone who’s not diagnosed with anything, but there’s absolutely no way in hell that i don’t have it. i cannot remember a time where being sick wasn’t on the forefront of my mind. and i do physical compulsions for it, but i never really thought i had intrusive thoughts over it. but when this (and past plural) anxiety attack was happening, my mind was telling me “if you just get sick, you won’t have to worry about it?”. then i took a zofran and am having thoughts of “the nausea will come back and you’ll get sick”. my heart is pounding just thinking about it. over the summer when my harm thoughts got extreme, my emetophobia essentially became a backseat thought. where it was still there but i wasn’t that worried over it. and i wished for it to come back but now that it’s here, i would do anything for it to be gone. i’m so back and forth because at least this anxiety is (mostly) keeping me from getting sick as i do anything and everything i can to prevent it. anyways, i’m so sorry this was so long but i had a lot on my mind that i needed to talk about. so much love to y’all 🫶🏻

Sorry in advance if this is kinda gross lol Does anyone have any advice for checking compulsions?? in particular, cleanliness compulsions?? i’m currently having a flair up but i don’t know how to handle it. I can barely stand going to the bathroom, because i never feel like i’ve wiped enough or i’m not clean enough. In particular if I have to poop, even after i make sure i’ve cleaned myself thoroughly i still feel the urge to go back to the bathroom to check. And whenever i pass gas I feel the urge to check my underwear just in case i’ve had an accident. It’s getting so stressful and annoying at this point :// I’m wasting so much time and tissue when I check myself, but i can’t help it. It bothers me so much. I want to stop, but I don’t know what to.

I can't move past some trashbags. Somebody put it near the door. I try not to be near to the door while going so as not to touch it. But what if others touched it and then i get in touch with these people, then i will get contaminated. Ugh this so messed up. I fèel like even going near the trash will contaminate me and what if i have touched it. Why don't people just throw the trash right away. Why they put it there for hours. This is triggering my anxiety so high that i am freaked out. I am trying not to do the compulsions if i haven't touched it but the "what if" thoughts are killing me. What if i have touched it😭😭

I usually don’t write this much in the detail, but now I’m really scared, please help. So I had this “basic” intrusive thought if you don’t do that that will happen and of course I couldn’t resist and did it. But the problem is the thing I did is to put in mouth just a little (i mean really just a little) body lotion. In the past my I was really scared of getting anything like that in my mouth. Really scared. When I did put (really just a little lotion) in my mouth I immediately spit it out. But then my other side of ocd started acting up and I started to panick. Now i’m VERY scared i’ll get posioned and die. I researched a lot on google, and now I feel like I’m having some of the symthoms. I should go to sleep now, but I can’t forget this. Is there anything to worry about? (thank you for every answer, this is kind of embarrasing)

Am I the only one who feels different for having my ocd manifest in completely different ways than most of the people I know that struggle with ocd? My type of ocd relates to me not eating due to thinking there are worms in my food, which lasts for weeks, it’s this constant obsession of the grossness of worms and my fear of them. Everytime I tell someone this they think it is some sort of schizophrenia, but I am diagnosed with ocd because I dont see worms, I just can’t get the idea of them being in my food out of my head. So when I explain it to people, they constantly bash me for it, tease me about worms, call me weird, and one time my ex boyfriend started telling his friends to start showing me photos of worms to anger me. I just feel so different and although exposure therapy has been suggested for me, I just can’t seem to think of the concept of being comfortable with worms without crying.

So I’ve had ocd since childhood. I go through different stages. Right now contamination ocd is really kicking me hard. I’m so afraid of germs. I wash my feet so much, my hands, I take multiple showers a day. Just some examples if my hair comes an inch close to touching a plunger, (it didn’t actually touch it but almost did) then I wanna wash my hair, even tho it didn’t even touch. If my hand touches the sink while I’m washing them, I have to rewash them. And so much more, it’s absolutely exhausting. Does anyone have any tips on how to stop being so afraid?

Hello everyone! So let me tell you my story. My OCD started the typical way, it involved mainly around the contamination theme, I was around 11/12 years old. It was very bad, very very bad, I lost hours upon hours cleaning my hands, touching things repeatedly a certain number of times, etc. My family eventually talked about it to the GP who could immediately tell it was OCD. After this, he sent me to a "therapist", with whom I had a very bad experience. He used psychoanalysis, which clearly did not work, it even got worse... Looking back, I think medication and proper therapy could have saved me a lot of time. I stopped seeing this person (one of the best things I did in my life, I think). Then, finally, out of frustration, and knowing that I had a mental disorder, that all my anxiety came from this thing called OCD, I accidentally started some primitive form of ERP without knowing it. I did not stop doing compulsions, but started doing them in a bad way. Then not doing them, having the "f* it, let's see what happens if I don't clean my hands now" mentality. It all finally went away, my OCD was "cured". At least, that's what my family thinks, and the new GP I had in the meantime too. It only stopped for about three years (which is amazing, actually). Then I started having other OCD themes, and because I did not see a proper therapist when I first got "diagnosed", I thought it was not OCD, because I was "cured". It went on and on for months, no one saw it, my compulsions involved replaying things in my head, checking things by googling them, I even had some digital OCD which made me reset my devices a countless number of times. Eventually, this feeling I got, well, it reminded me of something, let's search if OCD can be something more than a fear of contamination: holy moly, it IS OCD. I did not want to see a therapist, by fear of telling my family that I need help, and started to mimic some kind of ERP, which was insanely difficult with these themes, it eventually worked out. I "managed" it, and learned in the meantime I will never be cured. I can only try to manage it when it comes. But the thing is, everyone thinks I am cured, shouldn't my GP know that it cannot be? Well. I am writing to this community to first let everyone know that this disorder can be managed, it only is a matter of time and perseverance, and also, for you to keep in mind that therapy is important, because it gives you the tools to manage it in the long term. Another reason that I am here is that I am having another round of OCD at the moment, but this time, do you think I should tell it and get proper help, or that I can manage it myself given my track record? Thank you for reading this huge post.