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I know I am not saved. I can't repent and know when judgementday comes I am doomed. I wish I never existed.

I’ve had this problem for a few months I question if I actually believe myself, it could be something small like my fav color or if I really love someone. If I think I like something my brain automatically goes to “you only like it because you think people want you to like it” even if I’m saying that I like something in my head and no one would ever know, it’s just small things throughout my day like that; that have me questioning who I am and if I even know anything about myself. I don’t know if this is related to ocd and would like to know if anyone has experienced this.

Let me preface this by saying all three of my cats are alive, well, and healthy. Does anyone else get really distressed by their pets’ mortality? Like I cannot escape thoughts about their health, wondering if they’re happy, if I’m a good caregiver, worrying about when they’ll pass and how hard that will be and that I’ll inevitably feel like I’ve failed them. I feel intensely guilty often for things like leaving for work or not allowing them in the bedroom when I sleep (bc they keep me up) even though logically I know I shouldn’t feel bad. And I have a lot of guilt about not being able to take a past cat while leaving an abusive situation three years ago (she is definitely okay, she’s well cared for, I checked with an old mutual friend). I just love them so much, I want them to be okay.

Does anybody else’s intrusive thoughts come in the form of “delusional thoughts”? I’ve been in a terrible episode of hypochondria or ocd for the past 6 months where I have FULLY convinced myself I am developing schizophrenia, it started with becoming really easily overstimulated and not being able to concentrate and now it has spiraled out of control to where I am constantly getting intrusive thoughts center around demonic stuff, which i have never ever believed before, I have always been a skeptic. But now i get these thoughts all the time like “what if this song has hidden demonic meanings?” “What if your wife is a demon” “what if nobody is real and your just in hell” “what if this political figure is being controlled by the devil”, the typical kind of delusional thoughts you would expect from a schizophrenic. Keep in mind I am a literal atheist and all about facts, science and evidence, I am a skeptic. Not only does the fact that I’m even having these thoughts in the first place scare the life out of me, but I have to constantly battle with these thoughts in my head if I believe them or not. I feel like I have to constantly hold myself back from fully going off the deep end, I feel like I have to constantly disprove these thoughts and stop myself from believing them, but they feel so real and it’s scaring me so much. One part of me is like “why can’t we just stop worrying about this, this is delusional” and another part of me is like “what if I actually do need to worry about if these things are true or not, they FEEL true” and I’m just like “wtffff I shouldn’t have to worry about if things like this are true at all in the first Place!” I feel like I have fully lost my mind, and in no time I’m going to lose this little bit of insight I have. I hate these thoughts so much, I don’t want to think about them, but now that they are here, I feel like I can’t forget them. My dpdr is already making everything feel so off and weird and unreal and I feel like it’s only giving these thoughts more credibility and realness. I feel like this could also be partly a terrible form of existential ocd that’s being thrown into the mix with all these “what if thoughts”. Ugh I just want to be normal again ): but I don’t even know what normal feels like anymore because I’m constantly on the lookout for symptoms that I can’t even be normal anymore. Btw: yes I am seeing 2 therapists and a psychiatrist and all of them do not believe I am developing schizophrenia.

Everyday is a struggle just to get out of bed. My mind attacks me day and night with no mercy. I have flashback like images that feel uncannily real of the past and things OCD is worried about. The other problem is I have a great memory and it makes how real and the remembrance even more horrifying. I keep hoping for a miracle but question do I ev n deserve one at my mid life age. God bless everyone and I hope you at least get better. I’ll keep praying for a healing of my own.

i had a good day today with compulsions and not giving into mental compulsions. it’s been so so hard to not do compulsions because my existential ocd latches on to everything and anything. but i did good today! i gave in at times, but i was strong enough to resist the thoughts a lot of the time. and thats better than ruminating all day right? i’m gonna keep on going. however, im having complex feelings. i feel less strong in my beliefs and positions. my values aren’t as clear (because my ocd revolves around what is real, so it tells me my values are a made up thing and not really valid) and i almost feel like when i get out on the other side of ocd i will be someone else. idk, maybe a colder person, someone with less values or a sense of right and wrong. thing is, i have this weird feeling because of existential ocd, that i “broke out of the matrix” and am the only person with the view of the real reality and everyone else is simply brainwashed and hasn’t realized it yet. that feeling scares me so much, and i can reason that it’s not true and doesn’t make any sense, no way almost everyone on the planet is brainwashed.. but its how my ocd operates. snatches the things that are important to me (my values, morals, overall beliefs) and turns it into something else. any sliver of uncertainty makes me freak. i feel like i will never be the same. dude i just don’t know, but im gonna hold on to that hope that i’ll be a better me.

Im an athletic guy and a couple years ago i had a very badly broken ankle. An open fracture. I eventually had to have it fused. So i will never be able to run for fun again or do some other sports i love. And its all i think about. Its hard for me to focus on anything because im obsessed with the mistake i made that caused the injury. I was drinking. I feel very depressed because sports mean a lot to me. I feel like a completely different person. Im lost. Maybe i should take medication, idk. Not too thrilled with side effects of them. Anyone have thoughts on what i should do?

I tried working on my emotions to not avoid it but im just feeling depressed more. It doesnt help... maybe i will never recover but atleast i feel good sometimes. This is really bad, i dont have energy to go to work cause i was all working with how i feel and now im stucked. The only thing it helps if i accept that i will be like this. Im not just talk about ocd. Many says ocd is caused bc of depression that is repressed, pushed away. And ocders cant deal with their emotions. This is me, i dont understand what to do. I tried it it brought back more problems. Im tired of this. Noone in my family is like this, im unable to live my life. How to accept that i just think that everything is bad right now. Not it doesnt help. It doesnt help to just accept that youre depressed and you feel like life sucks. It doesnt help. Im tired of this. How to accept all the shit emotions? Not all will be good for you. If i feel noone likes me, im alone, nothing helps, life is shit,these things will just hold you back, im tired of this. Im tired of everything. You cannot change this cause in ocd trying to change is compulsion. I try to not view my situation in a negative way and i add a positive side to it but thats lying and a compulsion to avoid the pain... then wtf i should do? What should i do? This is a compulsiom, if i stay im feeling worse and i just put myself to feel worse, im tired of this. Am i just have to be depressed? If thats the way to revovery why i dont recovered before? I was depressed and let myself feel that but all i did with that was that i sended myself to therapy and to take medicine cause everything became really bad. You hear all kinds of advices, one say dont focus on this avoid it, go live your life, be busy, others say being busy is a compulsion, you have to face your emotions, think about it why you feel that way, another person say thinking about and asking why you feel that way is bad, wtf i should do then? I do not accept that the way of recovery is to let myself feel depressed. Its not. It cant be. I did that and look where i am. Another thing people say is "you dont accept that its real, you just accept that you have it" and then i use this as a compulsion cause then i fight with it that its not real, im just feeling it then another man comes and say what you mean its not real youre feeling it. Its real... This shit is the worst thing in this life, no right path just dead ends everywhere, im here now for 5 years, last year i was soo good i thought im on the right path now im again unable to stand up... fck that...

TW: harm ocd or existential ocd, if ur sensitive to triggers dont read i don’t wanna spread my theme it sucks :( obsessions saying that wrong things like murder aren’t wrong, just everyone is being told it’s wrong when it’s not? it scares me to death because there are a lot of other morally wrong things it latches to, i’m afraid of beginning to believe these things and becoming numb to these things, and then maybe like doing them? mostly the fear is losing my morality because of this. it scares me to death 😭 never seen anyone with this type of ocd. so anybody else? any advice? or personal experiences?

i’m so scared this is something serious. i keep seeing stuff saying it’s happening like that movie “leave the world behind” or something like that. or we will all be doomed after today. i’m so stressed i feel like pulling my hair out. this is so scary

TW: existential OCD, religious scrupulosity Hello, I was wondering if anyone else can relate to this experience! For me, a lot of my intrusive thoughts come to me as questions. For example, I have a lot of existential OCD, and a lot of my questions may be things like “What is the purpose of life? Is there even a purpose? Is life worth living without a purpose?” A lot of the times, I come to a conclusion that doesn’t sit well with me and triggers even more anxiety. I noticed this also comes up with religious scrupulosity, wondering if God or Hell exist and constantly churning questions in my mind. I’m curious if this is the case for anyone else. I feel like I’m constantly questioning everything around me, and it’s the questioning itself which causes me distress, because I feel like in questioning the things that I value, I somehow take away their value to me because I can’t quite get an answer that satisfies me as to why they were valuable in the first place (if that makes any sense at all 😂). Thanks!

i feel oddly calm with the thoughts, though they still stress me out a bit but a lot less. i almost feel too comfortable. i also feel doomed, like even if i recover i will be someone i don’t wanna be.. like it’s becoming more than ocd

Does anybody else’s intrusive thoughts come in the form of “delusional thoughts”? I’ve been in a terrible episode of hypochondria or ocd for the past 6 months where I have FULLY convinced myself I am developing schizophrenia, it started with becoming really easily overstimulated and not being able to concentrate and now it has spiraled out of control to where I am constantly getting intrusive thoughts center around demonic stuff, which i have never ever believed before, I have always been a skeptic. But now i get these thoughts all the time like “what if this song has hidden demonic meanings?” “What if your wife is a demon” “what if nobody is real and your just in hell” “what if this political figure is being controlled by the devil”, the typical kind of delusional thoughts you would expect from a schizophrenic. Keep in mind I am a literal atheist and all about facts, science and evidence, I am a skeptic. Not only does the fact that I’m even having these thoughts in the first place scare the life out of me, but I have to constantly battle with these thoughts in my head if I believe them or not. I feel like I have to constantly hold myself back from fully going off the deep end, I feel like I have to constantly disprove these thoughts and stop myself from believing them, but they feel so real and it’s scaring me so much. One part of me is like “why can’t we just stop worrying about this, this is delusional” and another part of me is like “what if I actually do need to worry about if these things are true or not, they FEEL true” and I’m just like “wtffff I shouldn’t have to worry about if things like this are true at all in the first Place!” I feel like I have fully lost my mind, and in no time I’m going to lose this little bit of insight I have. I hate these thoughts so much, I don’t want to think about them, but now that they are here, I feel like I can’t forget them. My dpdr is already making everything feel so off and weird and unreal and I feel like it’s only giving these thoughts more credibility and realness. I feel like this could also be partly a terrible form of existential ocd that’s being thrown into the mix with all these “what if thoughts”. Ugh I just want to be normal again ): but I don’t even know what normal feels like anymore because I’m constantly on the lookout for symptoms that I can’t even be normal anymore. Btw: yes I am seeing 2 therapists and a psychiatrist and all of them do not believe I am developing schizophrenia.

Does anybody else’s intrusive thoughts come in the form of “delusional thoughts”? I’ve been in a terrible episode of hypochondria or ocd for the past 6 months where I have FULLY convinced myself I am developing schizophrenia, it started with becoming really easily overstimulated and not being able to concentrate and now it has spiraled out of control to where I am constantly getting intrusive thoughts center around demonic stuff, which i have never ever believed before, I have always been a skeptic. But now i get these thoughts all the time like “what if this song has hidden demonic meanings?” “What if your wife is a demon” “what if nobody is real and your just in hell” “what if this political figure is being controlled by the devil”, the typical kind of delusional thoughts you would expect from a schizophrenic. Keep in mind I am a literal atheist and all about facts, science and evidence, I am a skeptic. Not only does the fact that I’m even having these thoughts in the first place scare the life out of me, but I have to constantly battle with these thoughts in my head if I believe them or not. I feel like I have to constantly hold myself back from fully going off the deep end, I feel like I have to constantly disprove these thoughts and stop myself from believing them, but they feel so real and it’s scaring me so much. One part of me is like “why can’t we just stop worrying about this, this is delusional” and another part of me is like “what if I actually do need to worry about if these things are true or not, they FEEL true” and I’m just like “wtffff I shouldn’t have to worry about if things like this are true at all in the first Place!” I feel like I have fully lost my mind, and in no time I’m going to lose this little bit of insight I have. I hate these thoughts so much, I don’t want to think about them, but now that they are here, I feel like I can’t forget them. My dpdr is already making everything feel so off and weird and unreal and I feel like it’s only giving these thoughts more credibility and realness. I feel like this could also be partly a terrible form of existential ocd that’s being thrown into the mix with all these “what if thoughts”. Ugh I just want to be normal again ): but I don’t even know what normal feels like anymore because I’m constantly on the lookout for symptoms that I can’t even be normal anymore. Btw: yes I am seeing 2 therapists and a psychiatrist and all of them do not believe I am developing schizophrenia.

nothing feels real right now? and i’m not anxious when the intrusive thoughts come. does this mean i am okay with them? or i agree with them? it feels like im changing.. i don’t want this

I’ve been struggling more with religious and existential ocd, does anyone know of any works books for either of these types of ocd?

Does anybody else’s intrusive thoughts come in the form of “delusional thoughts”? I’ve been in a terrible episode of hypochondria or ocd for the past 6 months where I have FULLY convinced myself I am developing schizophrenia, it started with becoming really easily overstimulated and not being able to concentrate and now it has spiraled out of control to where I am constantly getting intrusive thoughts center around demonic stuff, which i have never ever believed before, I have always been a skeptic. But now i get these thoughts all the time like “what if this song has hidden demonic meanings?” “What if your wife is a demon” “what if nobody is real and your just in hell” “what if this political figure is being controlled by the devil”, the typical kind of delusional thoughts you would expect from a schizophrenic. Keep in mind I am a literal atheist and all about facts, science and evidence, I am a skeptic. Not only does the fact that I’m even having these thoughts in the first place scare the life out of me, but I have to constantly battle with these thoughts in my head if I believe them or not. I feel like I have to constantly hold myself back from fully going off the deep end, I feel like I have to constantly disprove these thoughts and stop myself from believing them, but they feel so real and it’s scaring me so much. One part of me is like “why can’t we just stop worrying about this, this is delusional” and another part of me is like “what if I actually do need to worry about if these things are true or not, they FEEL true” and I’m just like “wtffff I shouldn’t have to worry about if things like this are true at all in the first Place!” I feel like I have fully lost my mind, and in no time I’m going to lose this little bit of insight I have. I hate these thoughts so much, I don’t want to think about them, but now that they are here, I feel like I can’t forget them. My dpdr is already making everything feel so off and weird and unreal and I feel like it’s only giving these thoughts more credibility and realness. I feel like this could also be partly a terrible form of existential ocd that’s being thrown into the mix with all these “what if thoughts”. Ugh I just want to be normal again ): but I don’t even know what normal feels like anymore because I’m constantly on the lookout for symptoms that I can’t even be normal anymore. Btw: yes I am seeing 2 therapists and a psychiatrist and all of them do not believe I am developing schizophrenia.

I have a overwhelming feeling of death I have been dealing with the fear of a heart attack or a brain aneurysm even tho I’m in perfect health, it never goes away, does anyone have tips on how to deal with this?

I hate it so much because I'm not homophobic but I just don't want a y if this. My whole childhood and up to before this started I was disgusted by gay porn I never thought it was wrong it just wasn't for me and I was obsessed and loved the idea of being with a woman sexually. I've only crushed on women irl and only wanted to be with women the most towards a guy is I've found them aesthetically handsome but never wanted sex or crushed on them. When I check gay porn now I feel arousal but in my stomach I feel pain because I don't want it or like it. When I get arousal towards women I feel good, butterflies I want to do it in real life and I seek out a romantic and sexual partner I just don't get it why am I getting arousal response when I don't actually like it or want to do it in real life? It's so uncomfortable and depressing I feel like I'm losing myself cuz being straight has always been a big part of my identity and loving women.

Hi team here is my two cents on OCD. I never post on this kinda stuff and on sites but I think it’s right to here. I’m in my 20s and 6 months ago woke up and had OCD and didn’t know a thing about it before. I regard myself as lucky that I found out what was going on so quickly. I know what it is like to both have and not have OCD having not had it for pretty much all my life. I have very good days and weeks of managing OCD to the point where it doesn’t exist but I’m writing this at a point where it’s been a bad OCD day. And that is ok. There will be bad days of it and I can live with that. What I don’t do is tell myself that tomorrow will be better because it might not be. If you tell yourself tomorrow will be better, it will be worse because that is a reassurance compulsion and you’re trying to find certainty that you do not need. I see a lot on here about “anyone else going through this?” And people answer back saying “you’re a beautiful person and your thoughts aren’t true don’t worry I’ve been through this”. That’s AMAZING that there is a big community who support each other and I LOVE it, but that won’t help you in fact, that only makes things worse for you. I could sit here and type about how none of your thoughts are true and that might help for 5 minutes until you just start doubting again. The thing that has helped me the most is accepting the fact that, whatever your theme is, it COULD happen. Nobody knows what the future holds and you have to accept the fact that anything is possible. You COULD get sick from that bannister on the subway, you MIGHT be a bad person, it’s POSSIBLE that you did do or will do that horrible thing you’ve been thinking about. Anything is possible. What keeps you trapped is trying to keep thoughts out of your mind or telling yourself that things won’t happen because, at the end of the day, anything is possible. Here is a list of some responses I use to thoughts that by the way, would make someone who didn’t have OCD and understand think I was a complete nutter so it really doesn’t matter what the thought is I promise you: “Well that could happen I guess” “We shouldn’t rule that out” “Big whoop cheers for that thought” “Nice one” “Is that the best you can do? Pretty weak effort tbh” By committing to using these responses you train your brain that whatever you’re thinking about is not actually a threat. OCD will say anything to stick around. It will tell endless lies to try and keep you trapped. It will change theme. False thoughts, feelings, emotions there are no gloves when it comes to OCD. It will do anything to try and stay. Whatever comes into your head does not matter. Whatever subtype, OCD IS OCD and theme is irrelevant. I write this all in the context that what I’m thinking about, MIGHT be true and this could all be a cover up for the bad person within. But that is the only way to beat it. To accept that anything is possible. Funnily enough, the more you don’t react to thoughts and use the responses above, the more the brain doesn’t wanna bring it up as often, and eventually, at all. Thoughts do not matter it’s your reaction (compulsion) that is what is keeping you trapped and what is giving thoughts meaning. I know it can feel impossible sometimes (“but I can’t live with the fact that this might be true, I need to know it’s not!!!”). You absolutely can live with the fact that anything is possible. This treatment does work. You are not the exception, you are the rule. Again I’ve written this whole thing accepting the fact that my thoughts could come true and might happen. And I can absolutely live with that fact. Even on a bad OCD day and there will be those, always remember to use a “big whoop…” attitude to what comes into your head. The more you don’t care, the better you will feel.