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the NOCD Community

Does anyone else with ocd feel like it’s hard to feel things sometimes. Like for example thinking of someone passing away u don’t feel sad. Or like just everyday things it’s hard to like know how u feel? If so what is this?!

Hello fellow ocd sufferers hahaha So yesterday my therapist asked me if I was exposed to gore at a young age which actually the answer was no And really nop But as I grew up I became a big fan of Tarantino movies and resident evil games Gorey things that are not so serious like evil dead and some horror movies Like I cannot enjoy movies where people suffer like really suffer or people torture other people or living beings just for the pleasure of it like hostal or saw There's like a limit of what I'd watch But the question of my therapist left me wondering if that makes me a bad person or that makes my ocd worse And if I should avoid these movies I really love Tarantino movies because they're about revenge, journey, self discovery, they have great soundtracks and amazing photography but idk My mind also hasn't been really well to watch that stuff lately

Who am I if not my thoughts, sensations, feelings, or urges? I know some people say you are your values or you are your actions. However, aren’t your values and actions dependent on your thoughts, feelings, urges, and sensations? How can actions and values even arise without dependence on either a thought, feeling, sensations, or urge?

what do you guys do when it feels so real? i’m doubting everything i ever knew, this is terrifying. it feels so real. stuff i used to be certain about i have no idea anymore.

As the title states I wad woken up by strange bird chirping that I've never heard before and it's making me anxious, I guess my brain is making me think that this is somehow a warning for something and now I'm anxious thinking about what the warning can be about and now a million of possibilities is running through my mind?? I'm not sure if it's tuition or anxiety, I just want to go back to sleep peacefully 😭 I hope this doesn't seem like I'm seeking reassurance but I just wanted to get this off my chest at least..

I grew up very conservative and strict and it definitely fed my ocd. I parted ways with religion because of how I never felt “good enough” even though I tried to follow all of the rules. This was after my church community escorted me from the campus because of the rumor that I was gay, even though I was an 18 year old and had poured my heart and soul into to ministry. Now, even though I’m not religious, I still get so afraid about god and religion and that I’m being “called back to god” like my parents and family begs in their prayers for me every day. Like certain numbers or sayings either feel like messages from god or messages from the devil to try and trick me. The thing is that now, I finally have a comfortable life after being abandoned because they thought I was gay, and I’ve finally rebuilt and have so much better of a life. But I keep getting painful thoughts that this is all a rouse and that satan is intentionally making my life “comfortable” (which I still face a lot of stuff because I have had to grow up and figure things out myself) to trick me from coming back to god. Even though I was severely abused and harmed and manipulated by that community, I’m so scared they are right and that me fighting for my freedom was all a waste, and that I’m going to hell. I do things to mitigate this now like burn incense and repeat phrases and other things but I’m so scared that “god” is trying to save me and call me back to him, and that the people who harmed me so bad were right to and should even more now. It’s so disheartening because I truly feel like I have worked hard to find love and safety with my loving partners and found family. But to my parents, and to my ocd, I’m just living in sin awaiting hell. How do I “expose” myself to this? Like how to I break the fear? It’s lead me to do harmful things to myself, like pulling my head out, scratching, hitting myself, and some other self harm that I feel like I can’t control. It’s really impacting my life and my loved ones now who have seen me conquer so much are now seeing me in such a dark place, and it hurts them too. So the question is are these things signs from god for me to leave this beautiful and safe life I’ve built to fling myself back into a life that is physically and emotionally painful but for the sake of my soul? Or just my ocd that probably stems from growing up in that environment?

How do you know if it’s your ocd blowing something out of proportion or it’s actually as serious as you think. Like I want to believe that I’m just over thinking, over-worrying, and catastrophizing, but the thought that I could just be minimizing something or or just biding my time until something horrible is preventing me from being able to manage my ocd.

Lately I've been having this feeling where I don't feel real. Like I know I am and it's probably just anxiety but I feel like I'm just hearing myself talk and do things but feel like it's not me/ feel out of it. I don't know if that makes any sense but it's just freaking me out and making me feel crazy

This question is from a religious perspective. I know we have to be good, but we cant be all good, we have to stop sin, but we cant stop sinning fully and we are saved either way, cause its not our actions that sends us to heaven, its God's grace. So anyone who accepted Christ as their saviour its saved, he can still sin, he can still be a bad person, unkind with people, have sex before marriage, do bad things, he is still saved. This makes me angry cause i try everytime to eb a better person and sometimes i just get tired cause i get alot of temptation and i fight to not act on it and be kind person but then i get tired of it cause of many things, and i see people that accept Jesus but they still live an earthly life and enjoy their life better than I do, and they will be in heaven too. Im not saying thes shouldnt, im just talking about whats the point of all of this? If i try to be a better person i get hit by how sinful i am,i feel guilt and i want to avoid being sinful but it doesnt work, and i feel guilt repenting, and there are others who just live their life like others. I have really bad sexual temptations, i dont know if i will be able to not have sex with my girlfriend(when i will have one) im always thinking that i will fight somehow, but there are other christian who doesnt wait till marriage and nothing bad happens, they feel a little bad but they still do it, they are happy, and i will be there struggling to not sin, and maybe it will even do bad for the relationship... What's the point? I struggle with this alot, if im saved why do i have to fight so hard to not sin if im unable to be fully sinful but im still saved? It's like we know its bad to steal food from a store but they would say " you wont get fined or penalty for that but pls dont do it" you will say okay but what happens if youre starving and you dont have money? You dont get any penalty, of course you will steal instead of dying by starvation, and then you live freely... they still welcome you to the store. I know this shows how God really loves us and its beautiful, but then why try to be soo good, why try to be like Jesus if we can never be like that... and as i said many "sins" doesnt seem like its really hurted someone, like i know christian people who had sex before marriage and they still live happily. Or i heard people saying they dont feel bad or guilt having sex with random girls and they are christians... Im struggling with having thoughts that many things i do is a sin and i want to think its okay Jesus saved me, but i feel like a bad person, that i use Jesus pain to just sin...

Everyday I wake up and I work hard to figure out how I can become a better version of myself, as if myself at this point in time and anything before this was a “worse” version of myself. I didn’t realize this was ocd until I was diagnosed but ever since I was young, I have never felt ok with who I am and it’s the reason why I even persue my dream so ruthlessly, Making music is my passion but ocd completely ruins it for me. Does anyone else feel like their ego is shattered or that they are stuck in their own head and can’t see through their own eyes?

Does anyone deal with the feeling like they're about to lose control or go crazy. It's really upsetting and hard to deal with, especially since it ties into multiple themes for me.

i’m very unsure if i have OCD and am consistently feeling like i am a bad person or seeking attention for trying to reassure myself that i have it (i am not trying to attention seek it but growing up i was diagnosed with GAD when i was young because i had an existential episode about a poem.. and i have always felt that there was something else going on). when i feel this way i go on long rabbit holes of videos about ocd and have honestly become so conscious of every part of it that i now feel like im experiencing some sort of “meta OCD”. i feel that if i really do have it, its taken over my life and every waking moment is me thinking about it and sending me back on a path. lately i have been also feeling a fear of knives, bugs in my food, bleeding, etc. just want some feedback thats all.

My current OCD flare surrounds health, and death and life after death. My mind is latching on the “what if” there is no God, Jesus or life after death. I was raised Christian, but these thoughts (obsessive) keep questioning. I keep Praying for a CLEAR sign, which hasn’t come yet. I wish I could pick up the phone and talk to loved ones passed. Due to these obsessions, I’m terrified of losing a loved one daily. It’s torture.

i don’t know if this could be my ocd playing into it but recently my dad just turned 60 and for the past 3 days i’ve been thinking about how my parents aren’t gonna be around forever and it’s making really anxious and sad, i keep questioning how long i’ll have left with him and looking up if 60 is an old age. Has anyone else gone through this ?

Does anyone else just start thinking about life, and how it may not be real? I’ve always found myself stuck in my head just going down a rabbit hole of thoughts such as existential thoughts. I don’t know how to distract myself and I just feel very depressed over this. It makes every day difficult to live. I also find myself worrying about death a lot, I’m still very young, 14, yet still feel like I have only a few years left.. as if I’m a grandma.

Do conspiracy theories trigger anyone elses OCD? They always scare me and make me feel like I need to “figure them out” and I over-research and over-analyze them. It’s not like I’m genuinely just interested in them or believe in them, it’s more that I feel like I need to know the answer. Tiktok is a huge trigger for this.

I put too much on my plate. Im working full time night shift, a full time hybrid student, and doing clinical rotations all in the midst of buying a house and adding a third to my long term relationship. i thought i could handle it. i thought that if i wanted this enough that i could make it work but now i feel like my brain is on fire. Working nights has me so paranoid that i have to count my steps out 1-2-3-4 and sometimes feel completely glued to my seat counting 1-2-3-4 over and over to get the feeling of dread to go away. I am constantly ruminating and reassurance seeking to the point of breaking down every time i’m alone. My brain is full of all of the what-ifs so full that it’s hard to sleep. I had my first appointment with a specialist but due to everything going on, i fell asleep while waiting for the appointment to start (Telehealth) Before all of this started my OCD was just the counting steps and bouts of contamination fears and over cleaning but now im questioning my life over and over to point of pointlessness and its driving me insane. i cant do this. i will because i know i have to and it will be over soon but im so scared and i dont know how i can come out of all of this okay and intact with the people i love still around me. i hate who i have become.

My thoughts about a brain tumor started to become a thing about 9 months ago. At first they were horrible but I've been able to control them ever since. Ever since spring break started a couple of days ago, thoughts about a brain tumor have been debilitating and they are so real I'm convinced I'm dying. My mind kept telling me I was worthless anyway, and finding belong so I all makes sense and all the symptoms make sense too. I can't go to the doctor because I'm in another state and I don't know what to do. I also ran out of medication a couple of days ago and I won't be able to get more until April 9th. So it might be that but I'm convinced I'm dying.

I have all of these and im just asking because I always thought nobody would ever understand how much is constantly going on in my head all at once, all the time, everyday. Sometimes there's so much in my head i feel suicidal purely out of wanting a break from so much constantly going on, feeling like it's never going to stop and I can't handle it, and that nobody gets it or ever will. Like there's so many different layers of thoughts and anxieties that connect to triggering each other every day all the time that I don't want to have to even try to navigate any of it anymore... Does anyone else feel this way...

Idk if anybody is religious but yesterday I was so distraught and suicidal and I pray to God to give me a reason to continue and beat OCD. I called suicide hotline and it sort of help. It's really hard to talk to a stranger what you're go through, especially when you comes to OCD. I made a call to an ocd therapist through this app and that helped. It wasnt until after hours later that I told my brother why I've become distant and I told him how I was feeling suicidal and I promise that I will go on anti-depressants. I just wanted to say that idk what's gonna happen in the future and idk if I'm able to fight ocd or seek recovery.