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I've struggled for years thinking if I offend God, he'll unalive me in my sleep. I think every pain is a sign I've offended him. The issue is, I'm not religious. Not in that way. I was raised pagan. But my brain is like "God is gonna kill you" and I obsess over dying. Im terrified. Because i believethere is life after death but my brain wont let me believe it in bad obsessive times. Am I alone in this?

Hi everyone I honestly feel so defeated My anxiety and ocd has been so intense I have intrusive thoughts about everything for example I suffer w harm ocd I suffer w the thought that I feel like I’m not genuine I suffer with being terrified of mental illness such as schizophrenia I get scared I’ll snap n lose control I suffer with the fact that I’m scared my anxiety will never go away n I’ll never get better I suffer w being so irritable w the people I love Recently I’ve been terrified people r staring at me and can read through my body language of how I think Today my brain felt scrambled, I woke up for work when I didn’t have work - in my defense I didn’t check the schedule and took this day off a month ago I went to the wrong location for a workout class And I went to a friends house took off my shoes n can’t find them. So now I’m fearing that I’m losing my mind n becoming delusional. I want to try medication but I’ve heard so many bad things. I’m just so sad of feeling like this. This is my outlet bc some of you understand. But it’s really isolating idk how some people even work it’s hard sometimes I push myself every single day and it’s been 3 years and I feel like I’ve had no sense of peace. Any advice?

I just want my brain to stop. I feel like I can’t even talk to anyone about it anymore because I’m just bothering my boyfriend with my problems at this point. I have compulsively vented since elementary school about my intrusive thoughts, and that’s all I’ve ever known. I’m afraid of almost everything and can’t even get on an airplane. I don’t even have the money to afford specialized therapy for OCD. I keep thinking I might be God and everyone else is fake, getting scared at that thought and upset for even thinking it, but still continuing to think it. I’ve been stuck in bed all day. The worst part is nobody can give me reassurance because they could just be a figment of my imagination, so I’m just stuck in this loop.

When i was a teen (younger than 18) i fell into the world of 🌽. I admit i would get off to it and it may have became an addiction. Eventually i fell into more taboo topics. Things like cnc and pee which eventually lead to diapers. I don’t have those kinks but as a teen it was just something new. Anyway the main thing that distressing me was people roleplaying younger. I didn’t know they were trying to act like kids and thought it was just something new. About a year later i was diagnosed with ocd officially even though i had been dealing with it my whole life. Then i fell deep into a spiral thinking i got off to kids. I obviously never watched child p or things like that it was all roleplay and stuff but i feel horrible. I’m older now and think about it all the time. I read things about real pedos doing stuff like that when they were younger and i’m so scared i’m one. I didn’t even realize they were trying to act like kids i thought that was just how it was. I feel horrible and wonder what to do a lot. Please don’t be mean i’m really struggling.

I can't get out of bed. I can't eat. I'm already skinny. My thoughts and responses are so confusing now, they've all blended together and it feels so real now. All I'm thinking now is "I am." Even though I don't want to be, it's not me, but scenarios are playing in my head as if I like them and want them. I just don't want to be here anymore. I had other themes but they have been pushed out for this one.

Growing up i never felt forgiven for anything. No one ever said “it’s okay I’m not mad at you”. As an adult I don’t know how to forgive myself for anything. I feel like a bad person for absolutely everything even my own thoughts. I don’t know how to stop telling myself that I’m the only person like this and that everyone around me is normal.

Does anyone else fear they may die in there sleep?

Hi guys! I’m Kells I’m 25 and I was diagnosed ocd when I was around 16. Ever since I can remember I’ve been terrified of losing loved ones. It was about my parents passing away when I was young and now I’m worried constantly that my fiancé will pass when I’m not with him. It’s magical thinking like I have control. But I know I don’t and that’s terrifying. I know logically it’s not likely, but ocd works with fear. And I’m terrified of losing him. I even had a dream when we first started dating saying he would die young and I’m petrified that was a “sign”. The other aspect of my ocd has been religious and afterlife fears. I’m scared of dying and what it’ll feel like. I’m scared that if I don’t believe in a religion like Christianity and it becomes true I will burn in hell. I’m just scared.

Please only read this if you are 18+ (contains mention of s**cide) I have had severe body dysmorphia since beginning college. I’ve been skinny my whole life and have an entirely flat chest. I was doing really good for a while, but I made the mistake of looking at social media today… There is an influencer who is built exactly like me and I always go to her page to find positivity…I looked at some of her recent posts and the things men and women were saying about her were horrific. Among some of the many hate comments were things like “nightmare body”, “genetically inferior to other women”, and just brutal things each of which would take a person years to recover from hearing. There were countless gifs of dancing skeletons, and a lot of surprisingly attractive people brutally bashing her. I haven’t felt suicidal in years and all at once I see very little point in going on. The world has finally defeated me and I just can’t see what the point is in seeking happiness if I could only ever possibly be lying to myself when i feel good about myself.

do you guys have sometimes moral/ethical rumination about why something that is obviously bad is bad? I'm afraid of it because sometimes I feel like I don't have an immediate or sufficient answer, and that I believe something is wrong just because of collective morals, and not because i genuinely believe it is bad and that makes me sick. I'm afraid of faking it. I had a very triggering disturbing question about why something is bad and i didn't have a sufficient answer for me to make me believe that it was a genuine belief of mine. It bothers me that I'm not so firm about a certain belief, and yet it's the very thing that made me want to end my life a while ago. I'm afraid that im faking my repulsion to evil and horrible things and I just think that way for convenience. I can't tolerate it, not because of what others would think but because i can't tolerate living myself like a sick monster that has sick thoughts.

I’m newly diagnosed with ocd. My theme has morphed since my symptoms started. I keep having reoccurring thoughts and images of documentaries and shows about serial killers/mass murders that I’ve watched in the past before all this and it never bothered me. When I get the thoughts I feel like it means that I’m gonna be just like them and there’s nothing I can do to stop it. Yesterday it hit and all I did was sit on my living room couch, look at the wall, and do this tic thing I’ve done. I shake my head and either say no out loud or in my head. When I wake up I start to do this and continue to do it throughout the day with or without the thoughts. To me I feel like if I don’t do it then it means that I don’t have OCD. I feel like I’m faking all of it and it’s just an excuse to cover the fact that I’m truly like these people. I constantly see mental images of the faces of these killers and all I feel is pure dread. I look back to every mistake I made as a kid and think it proves that I’m a psychopath and that I’m absolutely ruined as a person. I keep thinking that I fake being a good person even though it’s genuinely who I strive to be no matter how I feel. I keep doubting every interaction or nice deed I’ve done for people and keep thinking it was all fake and it’s not me. I love seeing people happy and well and I’m so confused. I’m worried I’m being lured back to the phase I was in 3 weeks ago. I was in so much fear over this stuff I wasn’t eating, sleeping, socializing. The only thing I did was wake up, immediately get hit with the thoughts, Google, and repeat. My only break was when I was asleep. I love to sleep now for a reason. My dreams are normal and the thoughts/images aren’t there. Sometimes my dreams felt so real then I woke up and was hit with the reality (thoughts). At a point I agreed with myself that if any of these thoughts about harm/being a serial killer was true then I’d just end my life before I ever did anything to anyone. I don’t wanna die but if I’m really this horrible of person then I’ve got no good reason being here. I’ve been doing better than that for the past week or so but it still is there in my mind. When I start to feel optimistic or looking forward to something then it comes in. I love to cook and do crafts and when I do that stuff it tends to come in and I end up not finishing what I start. At times it comes down to getting dressed. When I find things I’d like to wear I sometimes get a thought or “voice” that goes something like “this is the outfit you’ll wear to commit a murder”. I’m so sick and tired of this stuff. When I go out it’s like “have your fun now but when you get back you’re gonna kill ur family and then go to jail for the rest of your life so enjoy your last day of freedom”. I feel like a narcissist or something writing this because I feel like I don’t have ocd because I’ve been doing better and don’t have the anxiety I used to over the thoughts. I’ve been diagnosed by 3 professionals including a psychologist and still can’t believe it because there’s times where I’m still productive and stuff. It’s still there but as of the past week it’s not as bad as it was three weeks ago. I just wish I could wake up and it just been over. I miss who I was 2 months ago before all of this started. It happened overnight on a vacation I was on and ever since I feel like a different person. I at times look to pictures of myself and life before all of it started. I miss it. Idk if my intrusive thoughts now about documentaries and shows about serial killers are even ocd. I’m freaked out. It keeps making me think I’m gonna do the horrible things they do even though I’d rather die before I hurt anyone. I HATE THIS!!!

I am in extreme depression now. I am not getting a job. I graduated almost 9 years ago and still jobless. I really want to earn money and live an independent life. I am 30 years old and still not married. These things are causing me anxiety. It doesn't mean i haven't tried. I really tried my best to get a job and get married but all in vain. I also prayed alot. I am not impatient. I bore patience for a long time but now its getting harder for me. I feel so miserable. Please pray for me. I feel like giving up. 😭😭😭😭

I need help. I’m 16, and I’m kinda unsure with things like sex just because I don’t feel ready and idk I just don’t know. My hocd, for the past few days, has been, as normal, convincing me that I’m gay. Now, however, I’m completely confident in the fact that I like boys, but now I’m unconfident around my thoughts about sex. I’ll be honest, I don’t think of sex straight away when I like a boy, I think about being with him and different scenarios, and sex then comes later. But nowadays, I don’t know if I’ve just conditioned myself to think I want sex to prove that I’m straight, or because maybe I think if I’m not always on about sex, I must be gay, or not. I understand I’m at an age where sex is only just becoming a question and a thing I think about, and perhaps I developed hocd at the worst time where I can’t explore anything without thoughts dictating my entire mind, emotions, attractions etc. Honestly I do think I’m unsure about sex because just haven’t got a clue, but calling myself asexual gives me that massive anxiety feeling like when I’m convinced that I’m lesbian. Idk anymore if this is societal or what, since days I’m not in the mood to think about sex, like today, so that 99% convinces me. Idk. I just need someone’s help. ❤️

Lowkey I think I’m an awful person/have felt something and gone down a weird path of thinking/way of processing information that I can never recover from morally, but I’m not panicking about it. I’ve just accepted it ig? I can’t die because that’ll hurt those I love, so I’ll just like devote my life to others in penance maybe? Just try and help others as much as I can and live for others. I know it’s like depressing to say but I’ll live for others cuz I don’t really believe I deserve to live for myself.

So I’m going to try and make this short. Is anyone experiencing there brain thoughts or even themselves thoughts like this “I have been through this 3 times before in my life, I know exactly how to fix it. However, I think my brain knows I’m trying to trick it with ERP or ACT therapy.” Idk, like I know exactly how to fix this episode of OCD as I have had three previous relapses in my life. However, I’m scared and terrified that my brain is just smarter than me. Like idk if this makes any sense. I’m terrified that I will never get out of this. Then when I think like this, like I start to remember everything that has happened since my first ever episode, like have always experienced these symptoms and I just ignored them? Have I always just been like this? Was I happy when I wasn’t or was experiencing this? It so hard to explain. Like I’m not scared, but I am, I’m more frustrated and annoyed, but also sad. Idk I feel like I’m losing it. I talk to myself out loud to gain some confidence, but then I question like don’t crazy people talk to themselves, but I can’t be crazy because I’m aware that I’m talking to myself. Idk I feel alone, like I’m going to be like this forever. Like I will never outsmart my brain. It’s just weird. Also not to mention like literally everything triggers me. Everything. I suffer with DP/DR, so every conversation or action I do my brain just questions everything! Literally everything. Idk what to do. Can anyone relate to this?

Recently been obsessed with the concept of free will. Are we really in control or was everything predetermined? if everything was predetermined then why am I me, why couldn’t I had been someone else who didn’t have all the problems I have.

My OCD is definitely flaring up. My husband of 9 years decided 3 years ago. After a bad OCD spiral that he didn’t want kids anymore (during this time we were mid IVF treatment and it covid season… lots of factors) he stated one of the reasons was my OCD. For the last 3 years, I went through therapy and have been quite successful in managing my OCD. However he hasn’t changed his mind… which I understand logically as it being his choice and respect it. Back then he said a divorce would be best cause I was making him feel like a monster since he wanted something different. But I decided that I’d try to change my mind.. I was 35 at the time and I knew my chances of conceiving were nonexistent. I still want children I always have. However in February when I brought up want to try IVF again, I asked if I’d have to do it alone and he said yes… we talked about divorce. He had a spring training trip planned and last minute he told me he didn’t want me to go. So I didn’t … during that time I suggested counseling and he never said anything in response to it. When he came back we had a moment and we were intimate… which I think blurred the lines and nothing has been brought up since. I feel my brain is spiraling and wondering what is real? I feel like he is avoids talking and I am always the one to have to push an issue… I don’t know what to do. Sometimes I think I should pack up and leave… and then other times I wonder if I have done enough or if this is all the cause of my OCD.

the fact that we are all real scares the shit out of me, idk if this is existential ocd anymore

Hey guys I have officially been in NOCD for a month and the ERP is going well. However, I have been feeling a lot of hopelessness when it comes to my existence. I have also been questioning my purpose in life. I have also been scared of dying because it’s so inevitable and I don’t know when it’s going to happen. I have also been feeling a lot of guilt because I am a content creator and putting on a fake smile and pretending to be happy is the hardest. Has anyone ever felt that way? Does anyone have any advice?

I’m really struggling right now. I felt like I was doing really good today, and have been since I started Seroquel. All of a sudden, I start having an intense feeling of existentialism….it’s like I suddenly realized I was alive. And it feels a step beyond derealization/depersonalization….i understand what that it. But this felt like spouts, and if I focused on it - I was such an intense feeling of being “alive” and then it goes away….i can’t keep a hold of it enough to exam in it. It’s so scary, I haven’t had this feeling in so long….and it scares the crap out of time. The best I can explain it is that I suddenly realize I’m living but It’s like I’m in my own body and no one else is real - I DONT KNOW!!!! It’s truly impossible to explain and I’m freaking out! I just hope someone can somewhat relate or explain it better.