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So I think I came to a big breakthrough today in my struggle and I want to share it with you guys in case it’s helpful. For the past six months or so, I’ve been dealing with crippling real event and false memory ocd. This event happened almost two years ago and ever since it reappeared in my brain at a particularly anxious time of transition in my life, and all of a sudden a switch flipped. I decided that, despite the concrete evidence that factually lets me know I didn’t do something punishable, I’ve actually done something that warrants punishment and led to the belief that I was being watched and someone was out to get me and punish me for what I “did wrong”. This has made my life pretty unlivable and led to some severe anxiety, depression, and agoraphobia that resulted in me getting a prescription for Prozac about four months ago. I’ve been feeling a lot better, and had a lot of support from my family, friends, and partner who I opened up to about it. However, in the past few days I’ve had to confront some direct exposures in my work that have left me feeling super raw, triggered, and anxious. I’m tired of burdening my people with my constant fears that they see as irrational and can’t fully understand, and the realization that I was doing that left me pretty depressed. I realized I needed to do a brain flip to get back on the right track, but didn’t know what that meant. That’s when I came to a massive realization: what if I proceeded through life with the belief that I am innocent. It crossed my mind that in the months since this obsession came to me that I’ve decided to live with assumed guilt as if the fears my ocd has made me believe are real, as opposed to believing the material facts of the situation. This has taken a significant toll on me, and not just me, but the people I love as well. I can’t believe I’ve let myself acquire such low self esteem by believing what in all likelihood is really a massive lie my OCD has told me instead of what is actually, tangibly and overwhelmingly evidence based and true. Realizing that I haven’t allowed myself to believe I’m innocent of this act and letting myself live as though I’m guilty and burying that guilt day to day is actually not a protective measure, but instead has robbed me and the people I love of so much time and done damage I may never be able to fully recover from. However, I’m inviting myself to move forward with this idea of assumed innocence as opposed to assumed guilt because it makes my life much more livable, and I hope if it’s applicable to anyone reading this you can do the same . 🫶🫶

so a few months ago i heard about “the lamp” story on reddit. it’s sent me into overdrive since and i’ve been struggling extremely bad since i heard about it. earlier today i was showing my friends my tattoo, i was telling them what it said off memory but they corrected me and said “no it’s says “until being strong is the only choice you have” and i can and have only remembered it said “strength is the only choice you have”. (that is not the full tattoo that is just the part that was mixed up). it instantly brought me back to the lamp story … in the story he saw a lamp was looking “odd” or “warping” and it caused him to wake up from a coma. in his dream he had a family and a whole life and a job and all and came to find out none of it was real. since then i have been struggling with nothing being real and convincing myself i am also in a situation similar. my brain instantly brought me into hyperdrive and has told me the tattoo is my “lamp” and it is going cause me to wake up from a coma because it’s not what i remember it being. please tell me someone understands. i am really not okay and in all honesty i feel like im going insane.

I can’t be helped, from making mistakes to what I’ve think I’ve done, I don’t even care what happens to me anymore I guess my brain and memories are the truth so I should be locked up for a while with rape as I think I done it intoxicated

Ok so a couple of days ago I went to the mall after school and while on my way a little girl walked on the sidewalk on the other side of the road. I immediately started to kind of panic. At some point I didn’t see her anymore bc she walked into the opposite direction. I also had people behind me and some people in front of me. And I KNOW I walked only on my sidewalk bc I obviously didn’t want to do anything and I remember that I didn’t do anything. But now I’m doubting that. Even tho I know I didn’t even cross the road. And people were behind me.

I am not asking for reassurance I’m just freaking out about something that just never crossed my mind before. I’m helping to raise my nephew since he was a baby. I vaguely remember patting him on the bottom when he was one playfully. He was bouncing around the couch and I was also just making sure he didn’t fall. I never thought of that contact or interaction as inappropriate or weird. Why on earth 6 years later am I freaking out? I started having unwanted intrusive thoughts surrounding past events and my anxiety is through the roof. Is it normal to question yourself like this if you have ocd? Please know I love my family so much and this questioning is killing me.

When I first started having so ocd symptoms- my thoughts always revolved around the sickness I get to think that I’m bi (even knowing I’m straight). Like repeated thoughts of evidences, sensations, false attractions etc. never did I think about my family and friends. Once i knew about ocd- it was sort of manageable until it turned to thoughts about my family knowing that I like girls or I’m bi (writing this phrase has already gotten my stomach twisted). It’s so triggering to have other people involved cause they’re really important to me, now it feels like I’m in the “closet” or in denial for the sake of my family’s approval. The only family I’ve told is my sister about this type of ocd- i cried so much cause I didn’t want her to think that I like girls or that I was coming out. It felt so good to say that I’m straight like it was the real truth. She was supportive about it and wanted to help me manage these thoughts. She even told me at some point in her start of college life- she even wondered if she liked women. But that was just about it- she didn’t think anything else after that. Somehow I got the bad part and just stuck to these thoughts and feelings. I’ve always been into men, always fantasize being with the love of my life. These thoughts feel like they’re normal now, like I’m living with them inside me as if they’re the truth. I just want all these feelings and thoughts to disappear, I’d honestly rather be asexual rather than liking the same sex.

This is my first time posting here. At the beginning of this year, I started obsessing over an event that happened two years ago, which then led me to obsess over events from seven years ago. I'm certain those events happened, but now I'm unsure if my thoughts are intrusive or if I truly did something unforgivable. After reading someone's real event, I had a disturbing memory of doing something the exact same thing. It's the first time I've ever had this memory, and the problem is, I can't remember if it actually occurred. Every time I think about it, the details change, leaving me with no concrete answer. I've searched through all my pictures, messages, and memories, trying to pinpoint if and when it happened. Ultimately, I know I can't change the past, and even if it did happen, there's nothing I can do about it now, but it haunts me every day. If I did do this, I feel undeserving of anything good in this world. It's affecting my relationships and work, and I fear that if I accept it as false, it might resurface later, potentially ruining my life. I've always condemned this act, but maybe I myself did it as a teenager and either forgot or chose to forget.

I hate that I get over one thing then my brain moves into the next thing to be upset about and I feel like this one is the worst thing to be obsessing over. Eugh. I feel evil and gross and I feel like ppl will think I’m a threat and I don’t want ppl to think of me that way. I’d never hurt anyone or want to ever But I’m trying to get through the day and survive. AS HORRIBLLY CHEESY AS THAT SOUNDS ITS TRUE I JUST WANNA BE OK😭 does anyone know how to move on from these feelings especially when it’s stuff from the past. I want to move on from and live now but I’m so scared to move because what if ppl find out? And they’ll think I don’t care because I’m not actively feeling ugly about it like I do now and literally all the time. I feel so horrible for even saying that too much guilt. Anyone have help ideas? Advice? Words? Idk I feel dizzy af with my emotions rn sorry if this didn’t make sense.

So I've realized a couple things about myself. I don't think I was every great at socializing. I don't know what made me act the way I did with socializing at certain times when I was a kid, but I still kind of do it now. I'll blurt out noises or words here and there, but most times I'm pretty decent with talking with people. In the last though, I was bullied. I remember being picked on a bit by someone in the second grade, 6th grade, and definitely in high school. Some teachers I think have left a negative impact on my self esteem as well. Some of them were very unfair and very critical of their judgement. I hated my teen years and hated high school. I often don't recall memories in full of that time which is probably due to my mind doing its best to block out most things that happened. I remembered the students that didn't treat me fairly and I knew that some of them probably thought very low of me. There were times where I stood up for myself but most of the time I kept to myself and didn't really find my footing until my senior year. I found a friend group, and I got better with grades. Just when it was actually getting somewhere, I was no longer a high school student and graduated. There were definitely fun moments in school for sure. A lot of them. But, I latch onto the negative ones more than the positive ones. I honestly don't know why I do this, but I know my self confidence and self esteem are low. It's not because of my parents or my family. It's because of how I handled things in school along with how well I was able to socialize with other people. I made another post talking about socializing and how people can just be so good at it. Always knowing what to say to start a conversation and whatnot. I don't understand how that can be but I would like to learn all of it.

I can’t carry on with this feeling of doing something (rape) intoxicated, it’s gone on for months and just think I done it all, my life’s ruined

I often tend to connect things to each other and look at everything as a sign. For example, I had a horrible ROCD flare up in the summer and I remember looking at my phone and a song was on about moving on. Then my OCD thoughts kicked in telling me that God was trying to show me that I need to get out of my relationship and move on. Lately, I have been struggling with False memory OCD and am constantly checking if I did something to cheat on my boyfriend with guy friends I used to Snapchat. Like what if I don’t remember I did something or said something to one of them? Anyway, in the midst of all of this, I opened a fortune cookie after eating at a Chinese restaurant. The fortune read something like, “a former acquaintance is going to unexpectedly resurface in your life” and that completely put me into a spiral. My OCD is telling me that’s a sign from God that I did something with another guy and he is going to resurface in my life and ruin my relationship. I feel so guilty even though I know I didn’t do anything. I just can’t help but to look at things like signs. Like why did I see that at this time. Is that God trying to tell me something? Can anyone relate? It would be so relieving if someone could share a story similar.

Has anyone here ever experienced an extremely sticky false memory? One that feels like it has ‘evidence’ , one that has combined real details with false, one that feels extremelyyy real. If so I’d really really appreciate any advice please. Just any tips no matter how small on how to move forward from this.

I feel the right thing to do is own upto my rape memory/thought, It was when I was intoxicated and walking home on my own I feel I grabbed someone and committed an awful act on them. What shall I do

Can anyone give any advice please IS IT POSSIBLE TO CONVINCE YOURSELF THAT YOU HAVE DONE SOMETHING THAT YOU HAVEN’T DONE? HOW CAN A THOUGHT/FEELING SEEM SO REAL IF ITS NOT REAL? When you have thoughts/think that you have done something bad in the past to someone ,but you are sure you haven’t and never would. One minute you say to yourself no I would never do such a thing and then you say what if you did as the feelings/thoughts feel so real. The thoughts/feelings sometimes are so convincing you have done something to someone but you truly believe you haven’t , you even question what if there is proof of this happening like recordings and that’s where the constant checking starts. Is this false memory or is it something else?

When i was younger in my twenties especially i did some things i really feel guilty of.. I have false memories of things but some things i think happened and they go against my values... I cant stop feeling guilty and thinking im a bad person.. I wish i could turn back time but i cant... I ruminate all the time and i get trigered by a Million things...

Does anyone else suffering with false memory ocd give yourself ultimatums? For example if I have a horrific intrusive thought I’ll try so hard to debunk it by trying to think of random facts like what colour top the person was wearing , I’ll say blue. Then I’ll look back on old pictures and if the person was in a top was blue I’ll just label myself as guilty? Does that even make any logical sense?! I’m literally just randomly guessing , how do I stop this😭

Sorry in advance for the long post. I had a conversation with my mother a while ago, where she was trying to help me with something that could either be false memory or real event (at the time I thought it was completely real and didn’t want to even think about the possibility of it not being real because “that would be cheating and would make me a horrible person” but in hindsight there is a possibility it’s false) and anyways, that wasn’t the point. I was talking to my mom, and she made a comparison to a character I really loved, by saying “well this character probably does cuz’ and you still really like him” which made me spiral even further because that character would never ever do what she said and I didn’t want to think about that character doing that, and what she gave an example of was way worse than what might’ve happened with me. But I got over it. (My mother ended up telling me that, no, she doesn’t believe that character would actually do that, she was just trying to make me feel better/ find something to relate to or hold on to) but now I’m obsessing over the fact that her example was worse than my memory, and the fact that she thought that would make me feel better. The current thoughts are “does she really think I’m that level of scum?” And “if she thinks that you are equal to that character doing THAT, then what you might’ve done is just as bad”. And I really don’t know what to do because on some level I think I agree a tiny bit.

I’m 54 yrs old and had my first episode at 17. Didn’t know what it was at the time. Intrusive thoughts that made me feel like I had lost my mind. It’s continued off and on since then. But just recently found out I have ocd. I was too stubborn or embarrassed to ever admit or ask for help. Anyway, when this is triggered and I get chronic severe anxiety that lasts months I get these symptoms and wanted to see if anyone else experiences these? Severe memory loss from recent events. Even feeling like I don’t know people. A numbness always on the left side of my face. Extreme ear ringing. Feeling like my head is in a vise, but not a real headache. I was just curious. The memory thing is a real issue for me and makes my anxiety worse. These physical symptoms always go away when my anxiety is gone but it’s concerning to me. Please share any similar experiences. Hope everyone has a great weekend. Jeff

My ocd always makes me think the worst and tells me that the only explanation for things is that I did something horrible. I had an incident many years ago that has made my life miserable. I guess it’s a real event and possibly false memory as well. When my son was little he would crawl into bed with me alot. One morning I got up and he was still asleep. I put my daughter on the school bus and went back upstairs to my room and he was awake sitting up wrapped in the blanket. I said good morning and told him to come downstairs with me and get breakfast like I always did but when he got out of bed he didn’t have his underwear on. I yelled at him demanding to know why he took his underwear off. He was 2 or 3 and he pointed at me and yelled “You!”. My ocd immediately kicked in and made me think the worst that I must have done something horrible to him in my sleep. Why would he say that? 😪. At the time I didn’t think too much of it though because toddlers randomly do weird things and take their clothes off and they yell back or blame you because they don’t like getting in trouble or getting yelled at so I shrugged it off but out of nowhere all these years later my ocd brought this back up. Since it’s been so long my memory has faded so my ocd adds more “evidence” and tells me things like maybe I was drinking and did something to him and just don’t remember. I try to think of all the scenarios that could have happened as to why he took his underwear off but my ocd won’t let anything make sense except that I did something horrible and I can’t live with that uncertainty like other people can. It makes me not want to be alive anymore 😞

What if you did something extremely horrible as a child that you didn’t know how horrible the events were that your POCD and real events OCD targets? Does it make the intrusive thoughts true? I'm getting anxious from my POCD and real event OCD based on real events (3 times) from when I was 13…… I don't ever want to ever be a P at all… I don't ever want to ever be a Chomo at all... i don’t ever want to ever be a rapist at all… I was 13 when these real events happened and now I'm 20... I've asked my mom about this so many times and every time she tells me that it's not serious anymore, that the person is okay and doesnt remember, and that I'm not a rapist or a P or a chomo...  I didn’t realize how horrible the real events actually were… I was 13 at the time… now I’m 20… my POCD and real event OCD call me a P or a chomo because of the real events… while my mom reassures me all the time that it’s all over, that it’s not serious anymore, that the person is okay, and that I’m not a P or a rapist or a chomo, but when I was doing compulsive research, I remember when I saw a post on a non OCD forum about someone’s similar situation to mine and two people said to the person that they m*lested and that they needed  to turn themselves in… I don’t ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way shape or form… i didn’t know how horrible the real events were when I was 13… I really didn’t… and after the real events I never did anything like that ever again, and I never once ever thought (before, and after) about doing stuff with kids in any way shape or form... I never once fantasized about kids or wanted to do anything with kids… I was 13 and didn’t realize how horrible the actions were at the time and I never did it ever again… I never once fantasized about kids before or after the real event… I don't ever want to ever harm a child in any way shape or form... I seriously don't ever want to do that to any child in any way shape or form and I seriously don't ever want to do anything like that to any kid now or in the future… I never have had any fantasies about kids and I don't ever want to... I don't ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way shape or form... I was 13….. and after the real events I never did anything like that ever again, and I never once ever thought (before, and after) about doing stuff with kids in any way shape or form... I never once fantasized about kids or wanted to do anything with kids…  I was 13 and didn’t realize how horrible the actions were at the time and I never did it ever again… I never once fantasized about kids before or after the real event… And it’s comparing me to actual P’s and chomo’s who did stuff from 12-15 and then did stuff as adults, and making me think I’m a P and a Chomo because of it… I don’t ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way… 😭😭😭