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I’m trying to use the phrase anything is possible to get off of ocd. But I strongly believe what ocd is questioning didn’t happen. Do I still just agree that it’s possible but keep my belief that it didn’t happen?

im very. tired. just drained. the past four or so weeks have taken everything out of me. the energy, drive, hope, etc. i would love to believe it's tied to school (im in my 4th week) but honestly its been the only thing keeping me from js throwing in the towel on everything (not saying in a self harm way, i mean as in js completely giving into the depressive episode). cant trust my dad. cant trust my mom. was already the case before, but gets worse and worse every single day. as in remembering or finding out abt things that fundamentally change the way i see them as people, let alone as parents. nobody in my family is aware of the actual details of my mental health/illnesses. not to say i want everyone to know everything, obviously NOT, but i don't have anyone to go to as my symptoms worsen, knowing i will either be called a liar or they'll tell everyone else. same with friends. not that i don't trust them, but im scared it'll either scare them away or they won't know what to say and ill be left feeling more alone than i already feel. im ashamed and im terrified of myself, of all the years ahead of me people keep talking about, unaware that everytime i think of the future, i think of the fact that some of my more severe symptoms/illnesses will never truly be gone. in fact, inversely, much is expected to worsen. im trying to act proud. they ask so many questions, and i give answers to appease. but i feel myself spiraling out again and i am so, so, so exhausted. my rituals... the handwashing, the magic number, the taboo intrustive thoughts, the skin picking and now the hair pulling (these two are now taking up most of my days home), etc. and the bpd, this empty pit i feel, these huge jumps between being so angry with someone and a moment later crying myself sick because i feel bad about the anger and interpret everything as rejection or conspiracy. then there's the visual and auditory hallucinations, the constant nagging in the back of my head telling me im being watched, im only acting human, everything i am saying is untrue and someone else is acting through me, unaided by the dizzying jumps from dissociating, depersonalizing, and hyperawareness... even writing this, i keep thinking i am lying. i am lying, everything i do is false, orchestrated, action taken through me from someone or something external, it's taking everything out of me. i can't sleep, then i sleep too much. the addiction, too. im not going to, nor do i feel necessarily the urge to, harm myself. im just tired. very tired. thinking of harming myself, actually, feels like such a waste of time and energy. i just want to let the world pass me by, drag me along with it, let it take over. ugh.

(18+ only) How do you cope with that feeling of not being deserving of good things? This event is from when I was 18-19 (I don't remember the exact age, I think 18). I was scrolling on tumblr reading NSFW anime comics and looking back one of them had underage characters. I dont know how I didn't realize because it was super obvious, they didn't even look like adults or teens but I didn't think twice about it because I wasn't seeking out underage stuff and it had lots of likes so I just read it and kept going not thinking twice about it. I mustve thought it was the art style or something, I have no clue how I didn't realize or register what i was readinf. I also think I have a false memory of saving a repost of it to my drafts. I'm pretty sure I only read it once and then scrolled on, but my OCD is telling me I saved it. I keep looking back feeling like I did something incredibly unforgivable. I dont know the legality of it either and I feel like a secret criminal. I don't know if my OCD is blowing this out of proportion but I don't feel like it is. Even if it was years ago, I still feel like I dont deserve good things, I feel like I can't be in relationships because they don't know the 'real' me. I feel like people lie when they say I deserve kindness. I'm nervous to tell my therapist too, I don't want to be judged. Idk.

Eight months ago, I went to dinner with my boyfriend at the time, his teenage daughter, and my friend. I drank way too much to say the least. Anyway, when I woke up in the morning I was mortified and I remembered I was cut off by the waitress. I was so embarrassed that I was that drunk in front of my boyfriend’s daughter. But then my mind started to go all over. I started worrying “what if I did something inappropriate to his daughter.” I ended up staying the whole weekend and spending time with my boyfriend and his daughter. They all assured me I had done nothing wrong but I still had the feeling like I did do something. Then a few days later, I was talking to my friend and she told me I went to the bathroom with the daughter by myself while at the restaurant. This of course convinced me that I must have done something wrong and that my initial fear had to be right! Of course I was reassured again by my boyfriend and his daughter that I didn’t do anything bad. My boyfriend and I are no longer together (was amicable). I am still feeling like something bad happened. I cannot shake it. I keep thinking I did something inappropriate which is completely contrary to who I am. I am worried to be happy because I feel at any minute it will be taken away and I’ll be arrested. I can’t get over this. I try to accept uncertainty but I just can’t seem to get there.

How do I overcome false memory pocd. The thoughts make me sick to my stomach, cause me distress and a lot of anxiety. I know we are supposed to practice acceptance of uncertainty but the thoughts or actions are too evil to deal with if it were true. Its not who I am.

this is an event that im not at all clear on, it took place 7 years ago when i was 12 (i am now 18). i was holding my baby cousin on the couch and using snapchat filters to entertain them per the usual. i used to love doing that, i was always the baby in the family so i was excited to have a baby cousin of my own. and then i think i looked down and noticed my hand was over their diaper area and they also had on a diaper & pants ofc), and i think i scratched it and rubbed over the entire front of it (ew)🤢 i think because of the area and curiosity, this is what i've tried to remember. and now my head is saying that i liked it and was turned on idk truly, it happened years ago it's all a blur. i don't know why i would do it. but i know i would never hurt them, i mean i've been obsessed with them since before they were even born! but i don't have any clear memory of what happened, but i do think it was something like that. I think i was too young to think much of it or see the full spectrum of things because they had a diaper on. but i still feel terrible, this is an old obsession because i almost offed myself 2 years ago because of the same dilemma. the whole thing disgusts me. I've talked to my sister about it, she's a therapist/ social worker. i broke completely down and was crying so hard i could hardly breathe. she told me to calm down, & that i was probably curious and i was young. but i still feel like i sa'ed them, even though i didn't actually touch their privates and definitely had no intentions of it either.

Anyone deal with this? Uncertainty regarding an event in your past. You wonder was anyone hurt but you can never know for sure. Always fearing you are going to get in trouble one day. Then on top of that the thoughts regarding the event feel so real that you walk around defeated feeling like you are so bad and you should just tell everyone. Then the intrusive thoughts that make you fear the worst case scenario are always in your head all day everyday for a year. Then you start seeing confirmation/signs of your worst fear/intrusive thoughts everywhere that seem to confirm your fears. You start wondering is God trying to tell you something because every thing you watch, see, hear seems to point to or talk about what you’re obsessing about. Then because of the uncertainty you ask God to tell you what the outcome of the event was. Then all of a sudden you start seeing more signs of your theme and think is God confirming this. Then there are days where you get or see confirmation debunking your fear of worst case scenario and you wonder is God giving me signs in the other direction now.

It’s the third month of 2024 and life has been just a lot of good and bad no in between, and it’s affecting my OCD. My sibling got engaged (at first we thought it was an abusive relationship but they seem to be working things out) I started majoring in sign language and made Deaf friends, My friend’s mom died and my soul sister’s best friend died and she found the body. The thoughts about me touching something the wrong way and someone dying is going INSANE and although I think that an important part of life is remembering we all die, So much death has happened I feel like the world is caving in. False memories, magical thinking intrusive thoughts etc. Any advice?

This is the worst my OCD has gotten! I’ve freaked out many times about harming my children, touching them inappropriately, etc. the other night I got blackout drunk and woke up and had thoughts of something specifically that I did to my 5 year old. It’s horrendous. Do you think it’s possible to become our worst fear when drunk? Do you think my son would wake up if I did something? This is awful! And I’ve been very suicidal since. I’m not sure how I can accept the uncertainty of this and move on. Yes, I’m in therapy.

I developed ocd only after having my first baby. Postpartum ocd. It never went away and i’ve had it on and off ever since. I have a question..If you are so focused and stuck on an intrusive thought and you tell yourself over and over “it isn’t real because you’ve never had these kind of thoughts before it’s just the ocd” and then suddenly a random memory pops up from before the baby but this time its different than you remember and now you are having an ocd thought in the memory but you know you never had ocd before the baby..can ocd change a memory and add something to it to fit the lie the ocd is trying to convince you of? Has this happened to anyone else?

For the past 8 months I’ve been terrified of developing schizophrenia, I’ve gone through various stages of this theme, like in the beginning I was really afraid of hallucinating and stuff like that but as the months and this obsession progressed I’ve become more afraid of having delusions and the negative symptoms of schizophrenia. In the beginning after watching a demonic horror movie or something I would start getting awful intrusive thoughts like “what if I start to believe my wife is a demon” or “what if I start believing the government is run by satan” or some shit, but now i get thoughts like that all the time and even without watching horror movies, and now the “what if I start to believe” part is gone and now the thoughts are like “what if my wife is a demon.. well you can’t prove she’s not” etc etc. my ocd or anxiety has really latched onto these delusional, demonic thoughts. I hate them so much, I have never ever believed in superstitious stuff like this before, I am a literal atheist and a secular humanist. What is wrong with me? Has anyone ever had intrusive thoughts like this?

Has anyone ever had an intrusive thought or false memory about a person and then some time later in the future that person says something like what your thought/false memory was about happened to them and you immediately think it was you even though you know it was just ocd and now you doubt and question yourself?

i remember when i was 13 i was on instagram and i used it to lol for porn videos and this one video came up and seemed normal to me and im worried that it was unethical or bad because they people weren't smiling like they just had straight faces and know i don’t remember what their face looked like because ive thought about it so much and what if they had a sad face and i can’t remember but i think i might be overthinking that aspect of it but they both seemed willing because of their body language and i don't want to be stereotypical but they were indian and people always say how sometimes indian men can treat indian women badly sometimes and i thought it would be okay to pleasure myself to witch i did but i stopped because i had this immense guilt after and felt suicidal because i was so scared that what if it wasn't ethical and im terrified ive done something wrong, im feeling awful right now and i dont know what to do.i always remember trying to be very careful of what i was watching but i am 16 and cant let go of this and its torture

Ok so this Friday I wanted to go to training and usually I’m always in a cabin alone bc the rest always splits up into different ones but I wanna stay alone. But then while I was standing there charging and using my phone, a little girl walked in. And now is the thing: based on all what k remember and that I know and am 100% sure happened that way, I instantly started to feel bad and decided to leave the cabin. I plugged out my phone, packed my stuff into my bag, put my jacket out first and then came back another time to get the rest of my stuff. But the thing is that the second I left the cabin, I started doubting „what if I had assaulted her?“ and like I still remember going to the toilet a couple of seconds after that and while being on the toilet I thought „yes no nothing had happened“ and I mean my memories were still extremely accurate there but the doubt wouldn’t leave me. Like I just kept thinking „but what if I did?“ and no matter how often I go back in my memories proving to myself that I literally hadn’t remembered this at any point and barely even saw that girl bc I just instantly ran out of the cabin and that that’s obviously not even the point of running away. I also remember I was on my phone right afterwards. So basically I was on my phone before she had walked in and right after. Makes not even a minute of not using my phone. And she only changed her shoes from what I know. I didn’t even look at her. But I keep and keep on doubting that. Even though I remember everything else really well. I even remember I had chuckled at something on my phone right before she had walked in and then stopped when I saw her and ran out of the cabin. I also remember that I was hurrying up extra much to get out as fast as possible. Basically I remember everything and I even thought pretty surely that nothing had happened maybe a minute after. But I’m still doubting that. Like, wouldn’t I remember that? Especially since I didn’t have any memory to doing this right afterwards.. Idk how to get rid of this thought like I know how to trust my memories but then I still doubt it even tho I know I’d remember it

I feel like I’m at the end of my ropes. I feel sick to my stomach that my false memories might be real. I have so many memories of assaulting children and raping people that I can’t tell if it’s real or fake but it FEELS REAL. IT FEELS LIKE A REAL MEMORY AND EVERYONE AROUND ME THINKS ITS JUST IN MY HEAD. I can’t continue thinking I did something so egodystonic. It makes me physically ill. My memories feel real too real. What do I do how do I LIVE WITH THIS PLEASE SOMEBODY HELP ME

Hi all , please comment if you’re experiencing what I’m about to share . I am going through a very tough time with existential fears & very frightening thoughts to a point where the thought of myself sends me into a spiral. I ask myself “am I even existing right now as I’m typing this” “ how do I know that I’m not already dead or in a purgatory “how do I confirm that I even exist” what if I’ve already died and this is what death feels like “ nothing & no one around me feels real , I look at my kids & my husband & question their existence. I’ve also been suffering from severe depersonalisation/derealisation & I don’t know which one is triggering the other ! I also suffer from harm ocd where I’m forever worrying that I might lose control & harm my family whom I love to bits & I’m always battling the nightmare inside me that makes me believe that I’ve already hurt them but I just don’t know it … I’m on lexapro & have been for two years but I find that all it does is numb my emotions, I can’t cry & at times worry that if sharpens to someone I love , I may not be able to cry or show emotions . I am convinced that I’ve developed schizophrenia 🥲🥲 which has always been my worst fear! Or that I’ve gone psychotic without realising . I cannot see myself out of this hole & my brain had forgotten what being a normal person once felt like 🥲🥲. I was seeing a psychologist and he did ERP with me but sadly that did Not help so I stopped seeing him altogether & lost faith in therapy altogether ! Sorry this is a very long post but I just want to know that someone out there is experiencing the same symptoms and has gotten over it through ERP or other medication ? Because I feel like I’m the only one suffering from this debilitating illness and there’s no way out!

When I was 6 or 7, me and my family would watch House a lot. It’s a tv show about a doctor who diagnoses weird stuff and rare diseases. So in one episode this school women’s diving team had a girl get sick and at the hospital they had to swap her private parts. So after that episode a girl from my neighborhood and me went to the bathroom and play Doctor, and I swapped her privates and mine and reinacted the show. Like I remember being like ok we are professionals divers and this and that. Any fast forward to when I was 10, I learned what rape was and I had my very first HUGE panic attack about what if I raped her. I have been afraid ever since, so the event took place 20 years ago but I’ve been living in hell for 17. I have been afraid that her dad would send a hit man out to kill me, that she killed herself, that I’m not worth anything, that I shouldn’t get married or have children. This is the worst thing I ever did in my life regardless of being told by people that this was normal and children do this daily. Am I rational in my fears or is this actually OCD.

i can’t move on. the guilt and shame over my actions but also struggling to remember and 100% know what happened because I was very drunk is crippling. i hate this feeling. i quit drinking because nothing is worth losing her. i feel I done something awful like semi cheat or cheat and i feel the urge to confess. i even told to my partner about the situation and she forgave me and let me with so much grace and yet i still feel like there is more to confess even tho if she’s moved on why haven’t i when im the one who was a horrible person. like i ruminate and kick analyze and essentially find/create another detail that i dont even know if its relevant or real. my partner is the love of my life and i never want to hurt her and we plan on getting married so why does my brain try and convince me i want other people when all i want is her and our life together. then if i get too drunk it’s like my subconscious comes out and tries to sabotage my life and go against all of my values and trys to get me to act on intrusive thoughts? i can’t even put it into works im so confused and feel so lonely and shameful and at rock bottom. everyone is always telling me how good of a person i am and how incredibly lucky they are to know me and i feel like a fraud and a horrible person because of my mistakes. how do i move on and recover. and then everything becomes and obsession and my comparisons worded and it’s a downward spiral. anyone else shave similar experiences or helpful tips and ways to move forward without guilt. i just want peace and love.

I have this memory of playing with my childhood friend like lifting him up in the air putting him back down just playing. And my brain is taking that memory and saying I had sex with him or I humped him or something like that. It makes me sick to my stomach to think I had sex or raped a little boy. I’m scared. Please give me some advice

So I have some false memories or at least exaggerated and distorted memories. If they are true or correct it’s horrifying for what this means about me. My mind can get so dark. I really need some encouragement to not seek answers and to stop ruminating. I know I can’t recall the past, but I’m genuinely surprised by how bad my memory is. Can someone please give me some words of encouragement to stay focused and sit with the unknown?