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I had same Sex fantasies, sought that out in 🌽 before I knew what sexuality was, it’s related to a specific fetish and I used to talk to strangers online including men and I’m scared now what all of this means, I have HOCD, POCD, all sorts of thoughts but I don’t know if it’s my thoughts or my past which is reality. Why did I have those thoughts as a young boy? Why why why? Who am I? Do I even have OCD? What monster am I? I just want to end it all sometimes in all honesty. Not really but sure feels like it. I’m dying inside .

Hi I kept seeing this app on repeat on TikTok over and over and I thought I give it a shot. I have never been diagnosed with OCD but I know that I have it. I’m a young adult and I found out the first time I had OCD was watching lelelons truth video? I was 14 at the time She had to resist sitting back down in a chair after her having sat down she started having a mental break down when she was told to resist. That’s when I knew. It started with myself going up and down a staircase twice buckling unbuckling my seat belt everytime I’m in the car ect I have always been super anti social but trying my best I can socialize but my mind wants to make it sexual with family and friends ughhhh I hate it because that’s not me when I graduated thoughts of hurting my loved ones corrupted my mind I broke down outside of church one time asking if this was really me or not i question if I’m a good enough friend or person in this world to begin with thinking everyone is judging me so so close how can I make this situation better did I do something wrong I struggle with depression as well not to bad but it’s there I come from a loving family but broken as well i believe in god and my OCD makes me go often he’s not real that stuff isn’t real no one is there to save you the list goes on. Anyway I struggle a lot and I really hope that this will help me because I feel extremely hopeless. Lucky for me I do have the ability to seek therapy and I am excited. The only person I ever tell my thoughts to is God no other human has heard so I’m really really hoping this helps me out if your reading this thank you it means a lot because this is my first time ever admitting all this it’s a lot to take in I know and I hope you are ok and that you have a great night and know that we got this

I've never seen a therapist or been diagnosed, so I went surfing through to find this community. I've seen a lot of OCD symptoms written online. Here is what I experience that I feel may be OCD. If any of you guys agrees, please let me know. I have only ever been able to call my mom by her first name. I have never been able to not do that. She tried to make me call her mom once as a kid but it felt so wrong that I started crying. Everytime I see a wet floor sign, I say "piso mojado" out loud. I have plenty of harsh intrusive thoughts, such as committing acts of violence when I see people not using their turn signals, interrupting performers at a concert. I make myself re-press on my phone alarms 10-12 times each day in the same rythym until it feels fully set to go off. Light switches get flicked off and on, I can't stand not doing it. I have to double-check everything and make myself re-look through the same drawers at work for hours. I love to write, but I never get far because I need approval from others. My head is also always filled to the brim with thoughts which has made writing and things like memory a lot harder. I can't use spoons. I can only use forks for almost everything. I can't stand them. That's all I can think of for right now. Please let me know what you guys think. Thanks!

I am so so so anxious, I cant even describe it. I have this horrific anxious feeling going through my body where it feels like im about to do something terrible. I feel incredibly sick, shakey, panicky. Due to this harm ocd episode. I am so scared that I might act on a disgusting horrific harm intrusive thought. I dont wanna be near knives, go to the kitchen or even get up. As im so scared that Im going to act on it. I know I dont want to but this anxiety and horrid feeling makes me feel like i do. I am petrified the anxiety is terrifying. I sat in the kitchen earlier while my brother was close and I was scared because it feels so real even typing this im starting to panic. Please respons please and please say if your uk based it brings me a bit of comofrt as I know im not alone in this country! What makes it worse is my family were talking about their aspirations and dreams then i felt even more scared of the intrusive thoughts because if i did act on them they would be destroyed and then I also feel so much guilt cos i get scared my bf is scared of me has anyone had this does it go.

Hey guys, I am having the worst HARM OCD episode I have had in a while. I am having disgusting, awful intrusive thoughts about harming others. It feels so real. It feels as if I am about to get up and just do it. The worst bit about it all Is I know I feel distressed and panicked. But where the thoughts are actually happening ( in my head) doesnt feel this feeling. This is making it feel worse as it really does feel like Im just going to do it. I am crying my eyes out because I know im petrified and dont want to hurt anyone im so scared. I have this terrible intrusive feeling in my that feels like its justifying the thoughts. Please can someone talk as I am scared Im crying I dont want know what to do I want this feeling gone I am so scared. I tell myself Id kill myself before hurting anyone else, but would i ? What if I actually do want to kill Please respond Im so scared

I feel like there’s no way out of this. everyday i’m anxious and depressed from these thoughts. i feel like i have to constantly question if it’s OCD or not. the panic attacks are insane and i freak out. and a compulsion i have is looking eveything up on the internet when im stressing to know that it’s just my OCD and im not in danger. but looking things up add on to my thoughts and i start thinking “what if” actual suidcal people think. do others with this theme whenever they do something like if im taking a picture it’ll be like “yeah you look happy people will wonder what happened when your gone” LIKE i DO NOT want to end my life. or even as simple as cleaning my room, “yup keep it clean so when your family goes through your stuff” then i panic and can’t even do anything. those thoughts distress me so bad. i’ll sit there and think how good my life is or when im having a good day my thoughts will be like “NOPEEE what if your just saying that to convince yourself” it never shuts up and genuinely makes me think i have SI or something. i hope this reaches the right people just to know im not alone. Even when i do get better in the back of my mind it’s always “people who want to are the same a day before too” im genuinely scared and im scared one day im going to just snap and do it because its “too much” do i need to go to a mental hospital! i feel insane.

I am having a really hard time being home for the holidays. My intrusive thoughts are constant and loud. It sucks too, because my thoughts get triggered when I'm around one of my family members. I just want to distance myself, so I can stop the thoughts and feel like I'm not going to hurt anyone. I'm so distressed and depressed. What do you do to help calm your mind and remind yourself that you are a good person, despite what the thoughts say? I've already meditated, taken my Lexapro, and tried to remind myself that these thoughts want to attack the things I care about the most. Thanks. ❤️

I’ve been dealing with a really bad flare up the last 2 weeks and i’ve been dealing with ocd on and off for years. I was finally feeling better today, So of course my ocd decided to bring up an old intrusive thought that was really upsetting and now i’m stuck on it again. The reason why I struggle so much to conquer my ocd is because I developed ocd as postpartum so my ocd targets my kids, the ones that mean everything to me. The intrusive thoughts range from mild to really disturbing. While I know deep down the intrusive thoughts aren’t true or me, the ocd makes it feel SO real and true which makes me feel like I HAVE to disprove the thoughts and with confidence but the ocd won’t let me. It also makes me question analyze and judge everything I do. It’s an endless cycle of pain and I just want to be a mom without ocd telling me i’m a horrible person all day every day. 😪

This might be asking for reassurance but I’m at a point I’m not sure if this is ocd and who better to ask than you guys. Also want to mention I have been to a psychologist who diagnosed me with ocd and I’ve tried to seek therapy through NOCD but had a bad experience so I’m just looking for an opinion I’ll take with a grain of salt. I’ve been through bouts of pocd that I got through but now it’s morphed into something that feels so different. It’s like harm ocd and pocd together and it revolves around my daughter. Before this happened I was a loving mother who valued my kid more than anything. Now this is happening and it feels so sinister. I’m getting urges to do something bad and I get these feelings like I want to do that and it’s like my brain gets foggy and my values slip away and I feel like I could do it. But then I get a moment of clarity and I’m like wait a minute I’ve never hurt anyone in my life nor have I ever thought about it and this is my child what is happening. But then I get that foggy brain again and it’s like I can’t see her as my child. I try to sit with it and it’s like I get this adrenaline rush and feel like I have to do it. But I know I don’t want to do that, but then it’s like trying to make me want to want to. I’m not sure if I’m just lacking insight and clarity because I’m overwhelmed with the groinals, urges, thoughts and feelings but I just keep obsessing over the fact that death is my only way out. I don’t understand what happened to me. It feels like this demonic oppression and I don’t know how to get through this one or if this is still something I can get through because it might not be ocd. I try to go with the thoughts and feelings and say yeah maybe, maybe not, or yeah I’m going to do that but it seems to fuel the feelings. I feel like I’m teetering between the person I was and this evil awful person who has no regard for others. I don’t want to be around my daughter and I’m just angry all the time. The fear and anxiety used to be something I relied on and I feel none of that now. I used to be able to say “well no matter what I feel or think I can control my actions” and now it feels like I cannot control my actions but I’ve never hurt anyone before. Someone please give it to me straight and tell me if you think this might not be ocd.

Since I developed ocd as postpartum my ocd has mostly always targeted my kids. It started as harm and then switched to pocd. Both are equally very painful. For years I was mostly able to keep my ocd at bay but when it comes back it’s so bad. I have a son and a daughter and my ocd switches back and forth from kid to kid with horrible intrusive thoughts and now even intrusive ocd dreams. With each thought I get past and start to feel relief another one pops right up. The thoughts feel so real and true even though I know it’s just the ocd and not how I think or feel, the ocd always makes me doubt myself and question everything I think or do. I know other moms/dads go through this too. Please anyone who has or is going through this please tell me how you deal with this. 😪

Has anyone ever just felt weird? It’s hard to explain but I just feel weird lately. I usually suffer with harm OCD and I feel like lately I’m not reacting to things I normally would. There’s certain things that will trigger me a little but then other times (like over the last few days) it’s like I feel nothing. I’ll get thoughts and because I don’t feel the physical sensation in my chest or get very emotional like I normally would it’s weird to me. Does this mean I’m liking the thoughts now? Or like I’m comfortable with those actions happening? I’m so confused. Has anyone ever gone through this?

TW: suicidal Constantly fixated on the fact of helping people. I’m always doing compulsions like checking social medias to see if people need help etc, it’s exhausting cause I’m so sad I’m unable to help everyone. I just don’t know what to do and if I’m being entirely honest it’s making me not wanna be here anymore. I’m afraid that if i walk away from my phone for even 5 minutes someone will be in need and in danger and I want be there to help therefore it’s my fault etc. how can i cope with this? Obviously I want to help people but I wanna do it in different ways

Everyday just gets worse and worse and there’s no way to escape the cycle. This constant feeling of dread and guilt I can’t stand it. I have no one to talk to about any of this because I have a fear of them thinking of me different and I don’t like putting my problems on people it just makes me feel like I want attention or something like even when I’m writing this paragraph. I’m stuck in a constant loop. Constant aggressive thoughts and compulsions. I’m 18 and I don’t know about any of my insurance or anything so I can’t get a therapist on here and I really don’t wanna talk to my mom about any of this. I dread having to wake up everyone morning and continue with this shit all day every day. I hate complaining but I just can’t stand this. I don’t know what to do. I’m slowly losing every inch of my mind.

I’m having a very bad evening with my intrusive thoughts. I was doing really good dealing with them but tonight one hit me hard. I’ve been having a lot of different intrusive thoughts but I’ll have one occasionally about hurting my mom or my dog who I love and they’re the only family I have in my life. They’re my world. I was helping my mom put away the dishes and I had the big kitchen knife in my hand and my intrusive thought was you could stab your mom. And then my brain said I had a twitch in my hand and that meant I wanted to do it. Let me just say that I wouldn’t hurt a fly. I actually caught a fly in a glass and put it outside instead of killing it this evening before this intrusive thought happened. I’m such a gentle and compassionate and caring person and these thoughts instantly cause me to have a panic attack. And I have no one to talk to them about. I know they’re hard for my mom to hear and I don’t want to be any more of a burden than I already am. I do desperately want to tell her and have her reassure me that I’m not crazy or a psycho. Then my thoughts wander to if your hand did flinch could you be a psychopath. Is hurting someone in you. I know it’s not but I feel like my mind is out to get me and hurt me. I’m working so hard and I thought I was doing so good but I need to know why I have these thoughts. They’re not ok. I need someone to help me make sense of why. I know we aren’t supposed to ruminate but I shouldn’t have thoughts like this about people I love and care about the most in the world.

Anyone else have the fear of blacking out/having a psychotic break and harming others or myself/having no control of your body? Any tips on how to deal with this or anyone who’s recovered from this? It’s probably been my worst yet - the fear of having no control over my body or my actions.

This should be common sense, but unfortunately I stumble down these rabbit holes and subreddits because I have a complicated health problem, and am trying to seek a similar community. I have sought out medical advice with no real conclusion and ocd anxiety makes things worse so I guess this is a form of compulsion? I’m not exactly sure anymore. Anyways, I had a strange experience last night where I had a bit of swelling and discomfort in my mouth and fingers. I took an antihistamine just in case, and the issue resolved itself. I posted in a histamine intolerance subreddit asking if anyone has experienced similar as there was no known trigger. Well, someone told me it was anaphylaxis and that I had to be more careful with what I ate. Anaphylaxis is already a trigger of mine, and although I know logically it couldn’t have been, the opinion of another person feels like confirmation. I am now afraid to eat or drink because of it. I am unsure if posting on subreddits was a compulsion now but please be careful with anything like that. It can make things so much worse.

I’m going through a really bad flare up. I developed ocd many years ago when I had my first child. Postpartum ocd. I suffer from harm and pocd. At first I had mostly mental and some physical compulsions but the physical faded away pretty early on and i’ve just done mental compulsions since. My ocd was in remission for alot of years and if the ocd would pop up now and again, I was easily able to shrug it off and not engage. A few years ago I went through a stressful time in my life and the ocd came back to stay. At first it was bad but then it got better and has been pretty mild until now. It’s been really bad this week and the physical compulsions are even back. I never thought it would ever get this bad again. My ocd is making me doubt who I am and how I feel. I know it’s all ocd and not real or true but the ocd makes it feel so real that I can’t easily dismiss or disprove it. The more I try to disprove it the more real the ocd makes it feel. I’m really struggling and don’t know how to get back on track. I don’t have access to a therapist because there are no ocd specialists near me and my insurance doesn’t cover online therapy. That’s why i’m reaching out here. Has anyone been through a rough relapse? How can I get through and past this??

Hey guys! So I struggle with OCD, especially harm, relationship and moral stuff and I am somewhat recovered now. However, my current girlfriend has started showing signs of OCD but it’s abou5 something I don’t know much about so I wanted to see if anyone on here had thoughts about it. She is constantly thinking about food (when to eat it, what is healthy, what is too much, what is too little) and controls the thoughts by giving in and controlling her entire day around food. She don’t really know the feeling of being full. She never starved herself and always eats, but then she feels extremely guilty afterwards. Her thoughts do have to do a lot with her body image and not gaining weight but also not losing any either. Does this sound like ocd or an eating disorder?

I don't even know if I should put this here, but I have the greatest girlfriend in the whole world, and I love her very much, but my thoughts keep saying I'm going to hurt her, so I can hurt God and idk what to do, I feel so disgusted and idk what to do, and the worst part is why does some part of me just not even care idk what to do anymore, it's almost like I'm turning into this horrible person and idk what to do, I'm really not sure what to do. I have really been able to be happy I just feel like I don't deserve it and I want to care about people and God and I want to be a good person, but a part of me shuts off my caring nature and idk what to do, I'm really freaking out because it's like IDC and idk what to do I just feel so nasty and scared because why don't I feel like I care. Why does it feel like it's something I wanna do idk, what to do I'm really freaking worried. Also I don't want OCD but a part of me says I need it or I like these thoughts and idk what to do, as im writing this i just feel like laughing and idk what to do, i really judt want jesus to hug me and say everything will be alright, i am such a monster....

Tonight is one of the hardest nights I’ve ever had with harm ocd. It’s really one of those nights I’m doubting it’s ocd. I’m having panic attack after panic attack and it’s been the past couple of days where it’s been its highest. I’m doing everything I can to cope, like a hot shower (in the middle of a panic attack, hardest thing ever) skin care, turning my diffuser on and skincare. I took a klonopin but it hasn’t kicked in yet. My brain is beating me up with thoughts like “who thinks like this, you’re a serial killer! A murderer! You should be locked up!” Watching my family around me have peace and be normal is so hard because I’m here struggling to just lay down and relax. Part of me feels like I’m gonna lose my mind and end up in the hospital tonight. I just need positive reinforcement and people who can relate. Are you guys there?