Welcome to
the NOCD Community

Does anyone feel like when they have a baby when there older that the want to hurt them abuse them or k!ll them?

I had this thought of “what if” I touched my son inappropriately last night while I was sleeping and I don’t remember . I’ve been dealing with Pocd and I never thought something like this before. A little back ground my son is 5, nonverbal and sleeps next to me every night. For me, I am not much of a deep sleeper. I am somewhat of a light sleeper. So I’m up at every little movement he makes or unusual sound. Plus thinking about it if I was too say touch him I wouldn’t know how. I hate that now I have to think about him sleeping separately from me because I would love to cuddle with him and he’s the sweetest boy ever and me thinking I did that is soul crushing. Does this fall within intrusive thought or false memory? Has someone been though this if so I could use some help.

Can someone please tell me if there are any other similar diagnosis to OCD I am convinced that I was misdiagnosed or that I miss spoke to the extent that I have made the provider who did my psych evaluation misdiagnose me with OCD. I have intrusive thoughts of suicide constantly. I have intrusive thoughts that cause me intense distress and disgust. I am constantly ruminating for hours on different situations and even crying as I type this because I don’t know what’s wrong with me but I feel like I’m not aligned in a prescriptive way with what OCD is. I am extremely frustrated. I just want to know what is wrong with me And there are so many things that I see within the OCD community that align with my experiences, but I feel like from conversations I’m having maybe I’m just anxious or a flawed person and I’m not saying that for reassurance I really feel that way I don’t know what else to do. This is a recent diagnosis so anyone who has felt this way or has similar diagnosis to OCD it would be great to hear from you. Thanks.

So basically I didn’t know till my hocd started. But looking back at my life I had ocd since I was a kid. Like 6-7 years old. First time happening I remember that when I was doing stuff many times I had to say something like a little poem in my head to stop it. Then I had this thing were if I felt my left foot touch the floor 5 times I had to do the touch the floor with my right foot too. Then I had something I guess contamination??? Basically after washing my hands I had a sensation on my hand like I could still “feel” the germs and I had to wash them again. Then I started having thoughts of my family members getting hurt. I had intrusive thoughts about me hurting my dog. Then I had this obsession that a guy who used to be in my school is looking for me to beat me up. And how it’s this obsession about my sexuality even tho I never doubted or questioned it before. Is that possible??? Like can you be born with it? I’m pretty sure both my parents have it too. At least at some level. Take my father for example he had an obsession that he was going to die the moment he turned 30.

I am not interested in children nor do I have images of them in my mind,but I have the word child rape stuck in my mind. Idk how to get rid of these thoughts. Saying maybe I am or maybe I'm not isn't working it feels like Thanks for the support I feel crazy and nasty

I don’t have an official OCD diagnosis, but I will be asking my doctor tomorrow if I can get referred to a psychiatrist to get an official diagnosis. The way I came to the conclusion that what I’m dealing with is OCD is because a month ago I just started having the most horrible disturbing intrusive thoughts that go against all my values and beliefs and attacking the stuff/people I care about the most. Mind you, I have never had anything like this happen in my life. I feel that I have always been someone with a peaceful mind and one of the worst intrusive thoughts I can ever remember having before this happened, was “what happens if I cut my finger right now” while I was cutting fruit. That’s pretty much it. After this whole horrible intrusive thought spiral started happening I was so scared because I have never had such awful intrusive thoughts like this that were the complete opposite of me, it just quite literally started out of NOWHERE, and that’s what was so scary and terrifying. It was like my whole life got turned upside down because of this and I’ve been mainly isolating in my room, feeling so much anxiety and dread and guilt/shame. I get four of the same thoughts and one intrusive image repeating over and over again even if I would not try to think about them, and it caused me so much distress and anxiety that I would be so anxious and cry everyday just thinking how I could ever possibly think such horrible intrusive thoughts like that. It’s caused me insomnia which I’ve never dealt with before and I went three days in a row without being able to sleep no matter how hard I tried (even while taking melatonin). Other days I struggle so much to fall asleep due to the intrusive thoughts being much more present at nighttime, and even when taking melatonin that doesn’t do anything because of my mind being so active and having so much anxiety. Is this what they call an OCD flare up? After constantly looking up all the symptoms of ocd (the more and lesser known ones alike), I noticed there were some symptoms of it that I displayed in childhood when the ocd could’ve been more dormant or mild you could say (skin picking), because once again I have never had such horrible intrusive thoughts like this out of nowhere and constantly repeating in my mind that felt like they were out of my control. I noticed that these intrusive thoughts started on the second day of my menstruation when I was in a lot of pain and was feeling very emotional/stressed. One of the things I’ve heard a lot is that during the menstruation cycle is when ocd flares can happen more often due to the increase in hormones during that time, and I wonder if that’s what happened to me? I’m also overall such a big over thinker and have been for as long as I can remember. I also have had anxiety and depression since middle school as well. Any insight would be very much appreciated 😭

tw . . . . . . I don't want to trigger anyone, so please be warned before reading. I'm feeling pretty hopeless. I don't know if I deserve... anything. I've had two therapists now tell me I'm normal and I don't need to worry so much, but I find it hard to believe them. Just when I think I'm doing okay, thoughts flood back in. I feel like the world is better off without me in it and that others would agree if they weren't a paid therapist there to give me reassurance. I'm tempted to break up with my boyfriend because he doesn't deserve this. I want to pretend I'm okay for the sake of my parents. But if they passed away, I'm not sure I'd have much strength to live for myself. This feeling is pretty bad right now. Overwhelming. I have absolutely no love for myself. I can't even distract myself by watching TV or shows I love, because all I can think is, "Look at those people. They deserve to live and be happy, and I'm not one of them." Gah, this is bad. I'm an adult, and I feel like such a baby for feeling this way. How dramatic am I? How can other people have similar (if not worse) thoughts than me, and then still be ok with themselves? I miss the person I used to be. I miss feeling okay. I feel ok momentarily, but then it all comes crashing down. I can't stand it. All I want is for things to go back to how they used to be.

does anyone else get really triggered when watching stuff to do with serial killers, p3dos, r@pists etc. I literally start to compare myself and check to see if i share any qualities with them. Ita really scary cause i really like this show Criminal minds, and i absolutely adore the characters, but its hard watching something i like cause of all the g0re and stuff. Not to mention all the thoughts that are convincing me i like the horrible stuff. Someone tell me if tou relate..

I am struggling right now with intrusive harm urges. They feel real and it feels like I am going to act any second. It feels like I have to hold myself back, which is a scary thoughts. I am trying so hard not to compulse, but does anyone have tips on what they do in these situations?

Harm ocd urges Does anyone else have such strong harm ocd urges regarding your obsession that it literally feels like you’re holding back from doing it? I understand that harm ocd does indeed include urges, but can they rlly feel THAT real? Like at any time I could just “decide” to do it?

I went to talk to a psychiatrist based off my Nocd therapists recommendation. I had a very hard week beforehand where I had anxiety so bad I couldn't leave my bed. It seems like once I get my period my anxiety and everything dissipated some so I talked to the psychiatrist. Anyways, I was immediately put off by her because she told me she didn't have any information on me included in the referral for one reason or another. So I had to basically "fill her in" on my life story. I have anxiety disorder, panic disorder, OCD and PTSD. I told her these things and how hard the last week had been. She started asking questions like I had bipolar disorder, which I don't have. She then wanted me to take buspar and Zoloft TOGETHER daily. I know for a fact you never start two medications daily at once. You don't know which one is causing symptoms if you do. So I immediately didn't like that. I asked her about Zoloft specifically daily because it is an SSRI what I should do if it gave me thoughts of harm for myself. She told me "just go to the hospital".... Now, I don't wanna say that was the worst possible thing she could have said to me, but it was. Because now my OCD is spiraling that just my general harm OCD thoughts are enough to mean I need to go to the hospital. It had been 2 days and I cannot stop obsessing that maybe I'm depressed or suicidal because of this. I know I don't want anything to happen to me. I love my family and my friends. I am scared of death. But the thought is sticky and it's been so, so frustrating. My anxiety has been so frustrating. I feel so lost and like nothing I'm trying to fix my issues is working very well. NOCD therapy has been one of the only things to help in the long term, but I still get terrified of certain obsessions like suicide. I don't really know what to do, if anyone has any advice or any personal experience that may help, anything would be nice right now. I've felt so lost trying to figure it all out.

I’ve always had OCD, and for most of my life it was little things that seemed manageable at the time or something that would phase out of my head within a couple days/weeks/months. But, the older I got the more severe it became, I’d find myself collapsing deeper and deeper within my own head trying to out think the thoughts that bothered me. About a year ago I had a thought that rattled me to my core. My brothers and I were watching a movie in our mother’s room when my youngest brother turned to me to say something. His close proximity to me triggered a fleeting sexually explicit image in my head and that thought caused me to spiral. Asking questions like, “are you attracted to your minor brother? Are you attracted to minors? Are you gay? Etc.” a couple days went by and my mental stability continued to crumble until I broke down to my mother, she was understanding and we found a a psychiatrist. I got on medication and for a while everything was slowly but surely trending in a positive direction. The thoughts would still pop into my head but they were becoming more manageable. As we all know OCD and mental illness comes in waves. Currently my OCD has been pretty severe. I feel those intrusive thoughts latching on in my head and it’s been very hard to kick them. It’s gotten to the point where I find myself being uncomfortable being in close proximity with my little brother because I feel as though I am capable of harming him in any way. And the more uncomfortable I become being around him the more I find myself lashing out in anger towards the people I care about the most. Those moments of anger cause me to spiral even farther as my head fills with ideas like “what if you are capable of hurting someone or even murdering them?” There’s times where these thoughts rattle me so much that I feel like it would be better to be in prison where I couldn’t harm someone or that even being dead would be a better solution than possibly running the risk of hurting someone in my life I care about. This is about the jist of it, a majority of the OCD I have is centered around the idea that I am capable of harming my little brother physically, mentally, sexually. It’s been exhausting and it feels like there is no end in sight.

Hey so a couple months ago (7-8) I remember being upset at my family member. Like she was talking too much while I was annoyed and remember wanting her to be quiet. I got an intrusive thought like a really bad image of doing something really bad to her, and my hand twitched to the side a little? Like it felt like I was about to?! And I remembered thinking "if I do this, I'll get in trouble". I got up and left to the bathroom and felt horrified! I was thinking "did I want to act out? Did the only reason I didn't act out was because of getting in trouble? If there was no consequences, would have I done it?! Does this mean this whole time I've been using OCD as an excuse?" I remember I couldn't sleep for 3 nights because of how bad the anxiety was, I was crying and I felt very guilty like I should turn myself in to a mental hospital. I couldn't eat for many days or be near her because of that thought and twitch I had! I'm worried it was an impulse or I actually wanted to hurt her. And even to this day I still ruminanate about this. Like last night I couldn't sleep well I kept waking up every two hours and asking myself "am I capable?" I couldn't eat last night. Sometimes I move on from it like I forget that happened but when I remember, I feel distressed about it! I don't want to be an evil person or do bad actions towards anyone! I'm even scared to be angry because of this because I'm scared I have more "chance" of acting out due to anger. Like was it an impulse and I held back? Is this even OCD? Please help, I'm really scared!

maybe a therapist can respond or anyone who relates and experiences this also?? im trying to make sense . ever since ocd started, specifically harm ocd and pocd, sexual themes ocd in general, my brain makes everything sexual or gross. or just makes inappropriate connections with quite literally anything. or any person I see I wonder if they are a p, or if they are “like me”, because im fully convinced at times that im some weird or bad person, and then when i see actual criminals etc i cant help but compare myself to them it’s so weird?????? or sometimes I feel like i cant judge a p because im no different than them?? idk its so weird. rn writing this ik im not a p like what im just struggling with really bad ocd and trauma I hope :( It’s just my brain distorts everything and then it makes me feel worse, like “ur an actual p or pervert because see??? ur brain is sexualizing everything?” hopefully this makes sense

Im sleeping over my boys house and im having bad thoughts to hurt him and it’s like I can see myself acting on it. I never want to hurt anyone… I hope someone can comment or give me advice as I lie in bed watching crime documentary. It messes with my OCD creates false fantasies

Basically long story short, ive been dealing with anxiety for a very long time all my life I'm 23 now but about 5 months ago my anxiety started to get really and I overthink a ton and get worried to easily. So my chest hurt for a while from stress at work made me worry why it was hurting, then me worrying and thinking worse case scenarios was making it worse. So i and to go to the doctor and got diagnosed properly with anxiety and I have a med now that I take when I really need it called hydroxyzine but I also have another med that is Zoloft that I have been taking for a about a month now, to help with my intrusive thoughts I have sometimes i only get them when im stressed or when I'm by myself or when i just overthink in general, my loneliness depression is one of the reasons for my anxiety because I wish I had someone as in partner wise to love me and for me to love them. But anyways I've had intrusive thoughts about possibly hurting myself and family, or even my dog. Ive never acted on any of my thoughts in the past and I don't want to but I have had anxiety attacks when everything feels to real and really scares me. I constantly have the thought of am I crazy or am I becoming crazy and stuff and I've done a lot of looking stuff in the past about symptoms but most of them are identical to what anxiety is so it's hard to tell the difference. It's been probably 2 weeks since we last talked. I've been mostly doing good. But I just was wondering if had a little Harm OCD intrusive thought happen yesterday that targeted my Aunt at work she was complaining all day and when it got closer to the end of the shifts for us. I was already annoyed with a situation that happened earlier in the work day. But she came into my department and then went back over to hers and I said it out loud to myself and said you better get back over there or I'll, I tried to say something else because the word I was going to say was kill you. Obviously I don't but that's what my intrusive thought wanted me to say. And made me think thats why i got to hurt her to stop her complaing So the rest of the night I was saying she is safe I am safe I'm control, like this is just anxiety lying to you, it's just because I'm tired and got annoyed earlier. I can't tell if it was working or not because I was so tired and just wanted to go home. But after work her and I spent time together at our house she was on the one couch and I was on the other with a bunch of our dogs in the living room. I tried to keep my mind off of what happened, and I was fighting some stomach achyness already. But I obviously don't want to hurt her and we had conversations just fine. But I went to my other aunt house at night after work to go to bed because she has to watch my aunts dogs because my other aunt and family is on vacation. But anyways I'm trying to get over that word Kill, that word is what is scarring me and sticking. Like my anxiety is lying saying kill, or basically do harm. I don't want to do anything bad but I'm trying to shake that feeling and stickiness of that word. I'm just so scared and worried.

I didn’t know this but my Pure-O began when i was around 11/12 years old with a violent thought to hurt someone I love. This thought brought me tears. I tried supressing it, “praying” it away, thinking good things, distracting myself etc. But this thought always came back to haunt me. It was on/off for about 13 years. Just this past week, I recently got an image/thought of hurting someone I love and it scares me. I use smart devices to track my sleep and exercise and both devices show that my heart rate is much beyond what it should be. I have had difficulty sleeping the past 3 nights with very little REM and deep sleep because of this thought. I’m worried this could cause me to spiral. I feel anxious all day because I’m trying to avoid thinking this thought, but it keeps coming back. I’m waiting to book a call with a NOCD to see what my options are. I hope I can get effective treatment. 🥺🫶🏻

Lately I’ve been feeling obsessive compulsive sick. (It’s my way of saying that my mental illness is making me feel unwell) I hear whispers to be honest, telling me to do awful things to others and myself. They tell me how horrible everything is, they yell and scream at me, and tell me violent harmful things. Sometimes they plead for help, other times they try to lure me in to believing them, and worse of them, they threaten me. They have a gun pointed to my head and laugh at me, saying “I should’ve known you always been such a worthless piece of shit, hahaha, kill yourself you scum of the earth.” The voices are scary, but they are just voices, but they are still scary. Sometimes I want to see if they are true, but then it backfires. I am so gullible to the thoughts and believe them without warning, but when it comes to me, I am stubborn and headfast. I follow my rules, eventually breaking them out of fear. Sometimes, people can’t take it anymore, and fall. They fall off of buildings, bridges and their chairs. The voices over power them and then, they are gone. We are survivors of our own mind. We are programmed to live, but are forced by our own mind to fear itself. What a horrible fate that we are responsible for dealing with. A illness that has the same caliber has a physical one because both end with one thing: death. Death of our values, our health, and our actual life. Treat it seriously, it’s a mental illness for a reason.

This is my first post & I’m terrified. I have not been officially diagnosed w ocd yet but in a nutshell - I confessed some things I felt guilty about to my husband about five months ago. ( nothing too major ) but in our past, 20+ years ago I was unfaithful and it caused a LOT of harm, which I told him all of that back when it happened. But in recent months, I started getting consumed by guilt. I couldnt eat or sleep until I finally broke one night and told him all these recent little things I felt guilty about. Acting flirty, etc. And for him it like brought back allll the trauma from 20 years ago which I didn’t know would happen. But it’s so bad. He says he wishes I never told him. But even w that, I still feel like I keep thinking of “new things “ I did in the past, thoughts I had or dreams, or conversation w an ex,things like that. Because I am a Christian I also keep feeling like it’s the Holy Spirit telling me I haven’t told him everything and I need to. But I also know God doesn’t give us a spirit of fear .. I clearly need help, but I also want Christian based help so that it’s in line w what I believe ? I can’t eat and my anxiety is so bad again - I know if I confess more things it will keep destroying him, I don’t think he really understands or believes I have ocd. Thanks if you made it this far

So, I don't know if anyone's going to comment on this post, but I've been doing pretty badly lately. I suffered from a second relapse of OCD around nearly a year ago, back when I first experienced OCD, I had all the symptoms, researching, crying none-stop, suicidal, etc, but now that it's been almost four years of this same theme. It doesn't feel nearly as bad anymore? It's almost like it brings me happiness??? I see people saying with confidence that they'd never do their intrusive thoughts but I can't agree with them, I'm not confident I won't do them, a few years ago, I'd say I'd NEVER do them and I would rather kill myself before doing them but now I can't say it. I don't know what's going on anymore and what makes it worse I think is that my feelings are all over the place, a part of me wants to give up while the other part of me is still fighting and I'm crying right now as I write this but I don't even know if I'm scared. Sometimes I just let myself "enjoy" the intrusive thoughts because I'm so tired and everytime I look at a reddit post about someone saying that they felt guilty for enjoying an intrusive thought, I don't feel that same emotion, and I keep researching and researching. It doesn't feel like OCD anymore. I can't even say I'm scares for the right reasons, my brain keeps telling me that I'm only scared because I don't want others to look down on me and the truth is that I actually "enjoy" the thoughts and I simply don't want to be looked down upon on society. I don't know what to do, I want to go in the bathroom and cry until I disappear