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Took my blood pressure 2 days ago at doctor and it was high I just took it at the pharmacy and it was high again now I can’t stop thinking about it about it and how I m gonna die from this

I feel like there’s no way out of this. everyday i’m anxious and depressed from these thoughts. i feel like i have to constantly question if it’s OCD or not. the panic attacks are insane and i freak out. and a compulsion i have is looking eveything up on the internet when im stressing to know that it’s just my OCD and im not in danger. but looking things up add on to my thoughts and i start thinking “what if” actual suidcal people think. do others with this theme whenever they do something like if im taking a picture it’ll be like “yeah you look happy people will wonder what happened when your gone” LIKE i DO NOT want to end my life. or even as simple as cleaning my room, “yup keep it clean so when your family goes through your stuff” then i panic and can’t even do anything. those thoughts distress me so bad. i’ll sit there and think how good my life is or when im having a good day my thoughts will be like “NOPEEE what if your just saying that to convince yourself” it never shuts up and genuinely makes me think i have SI or something. i hope this reaches the right people just to know im not alone. Even when i do get better in the back of my mind it’s always “people who want to are the same a day before too” im genuinely scared and im scared one day im going to just snap and do it because its “too much” do i need to go to a mental hospital! i feel insane.

Hi everyone, I hope everyone is hanging in there! I just wanted to let people know that God is really helping as he is using a Naturopathic Doctor to help me who uses “Cellular Medicine” to help heal disease. I was on the Max of Clomipramine 250 mg, the common OCD Medication. I am down to 150 mg now and I was on a heavy “Anti-Psychotic” called Perphenazine…honestly, I now don’t need it, somehow being psychotic was affecting my “OCD”, now I am not on any of the Anti-Psychotics and my OCD is like 5-10% of what it originally was….This is such an amazing blessing from God!! If anyone wants me to explain “Cellular Medicine” and what I take I will gladly share…..I have posted things like this in the past and I think some have found it annoying even though I am just trying to give hope. Thank you for healing Jesus!! God Bless everyone

I think I have pots and I am freaking out because there is no cure. I am getting intrusive thoughts like what if I never feel better again. I was supposed to go outside today and when I lifted my jacket to wear it, I started feeling light headed as if I will faint. I had to lie down on my bed with my heart pounding, with deep pounding. The closest thing I can explain is it felt like low blood pressure feeling or if you take too much blood and you feel woozy. I am in severe discomfort.

Three days ago, I tried to reassure myself and ended up doing a compulsion by reading online ( it’s been one month I have schizophrenia OCD) I came across information about schizophrenia, which mentioned that people with the condition often hear inner voices constantly. Since then, I've been hearing these voices 24/7, saying negative things to me and even commanding me to do things. I couldn’t help myself but continue reading about it, and when I saw that having these voices 24/7 was a symptom of schizophrenia, I started to worry that this might be happening to me my brain took this opportunity to play this symptom 24/7 to scare me .. I want to clarify that I have health anxiety, specifically OCD with pure O). This all started when I became curious about schizophrenia—I didn’t have much knowledge about it at the time. I read that people with schizophrenia sometimes experience delusional thinking, and for a week, I started having irrational thoughts, like thinking people were spying on me or that my brother was trying to hurt me.Every time I switch between new diseases but this theme lasted a lot Now, the inner voices are relentless, and I can't shake the fear that I might be developing schizophrenia. But deep down, I know this could be a product of my anxiety and OCD, especially since I’m fixating on the symptoms after reading about them. Every time IVe read about new symptoms and it scared me it switched into it but this one last cuz I’m so scared of it my brain tell me that this time it’s serious .. I don’t know what to do my psy is on vacation .. My two uncles are schizo also my brother ( due to drug for him ) and me having panic disorder and social anxiety doesn’t help me …

I am so scared of eating. I am scared I will choke to death when I eat solids. Now I am also scared to drink because I will choke on water. I don’t understand how people can eat every meal without this fear. I can’t enjoy food anymore. I don’t know how people can sit at a restaurant and eat. I am constantly scared of my family choking. I am worried that heimlich might not work. This fear is taking over my life and I hate it. I want to eat normally again. Does anyone else have this fear because I feel like I am the only one. I know someone else who has this too but I had to cut them out of my life because they were toxic/abusive.

Hey there guys, so this is just annoying. I had dealt with ocd regarding my health in the past but didn’t even recognize it was ocd because it didn’t come after anyone but me. When it switched to pocd is when I finally went and saw a therapist and got my diagnoses. At that time I was very distressed and had constant anxiety and felt sick to my stomach. Now I’ve gone through a few changes in theme and with this one I can’t tell if I feel distressed at all? I’m not sure if I have just gotten used to having a lot of anxiety all the time that it just doesn’t feel the same? I do know that when the thoughts come and the feelings hit me, it doesn’t make sense to me. I have an issue with questioning it and trying to figure it out but it won’t seem to let go. I tell myself so what and my answer is no not so what this isn’t ok but then I get the feeling like I want to do the thought or like the thought and then I have to suck in a deep breath but it doesn’t feel like distress? But it makes me miserable? Not trying to ask for reassurance but damn this mind trip is so annoying and utterly confusing. It feels like the person I once was is gone and life can’t go on. Why do I feel so stuck within my own brain.

Take a deep breath. These words are not just about a list of fears; they’re about the journey you’ve been on, the emotional weight you’ve carried, and the intense anxiety that has shaped so much of your life. Every one of these fears is a reflection of how deeply your anxiety takes hold of you, how real and overwhelming it feels in the moment, and how exhausting it is to live with that constant sense of dread. Each time, you were certain something catastrophic was happening. You felt it in your body, in your chest, and in every thought that spiraled out of control. It didn’t matter that it wasn’t true; in those moments, it was so real, and that fear gripped you like a vice. It wasn’t just unease—it was total consumption. You were in a constant battle with your mind, desperately trying to calm the storm, to find an answer. And the truth is, you were looking for certainty in places where there were none. This is the nature of Health OCD—it convinces you that unless you have an absolute answer, you can never stop fearing the worst. Your mind wouldn’t let you rest, wouldn’t let you be okay with “I don’t know.” It demanded answers immediately, putting a pressure on you that no one should ever have to face. How badly you wanted to silence the fear with an answer that would give you peace. You spent hours in front of the mirror, scrutinizing every freckle, every mole, every change in your skin. You were looking for reassurance—so much reassurance. You went to the dermatologist, hoping that would ease your mind, but it didn’t quiet the anxiety. You couldn’t stop thinking about your breasts, and so you went for exams over and over, convinced that each ache meant something was wrong. Every time, nothing was wrong, but the anxiety remained. Your mind kept searching for something to hold onto, something that could confirm the worst. And the cycle continued. It’s exhausting. It feels like wasted time, like you’ve been robbed of peace. But the truth is, this isn’t your fault. This is how your brain is wired, and it’s a battle you didn’t choose. Then, there were the panic attacks. The moments when fear took on a life of its own. You’d wake up in the middle of the night, heart racing, convinced something was seriously wrong, and the fear would take over—physically, mentally, emotionally. Your body would shake uncontrollably, you’d throw up from the intensity of the fear, your chest would tighten, and you’d feel like you couldn’t breathe. You rushed to urgent care, terrified of everything—your veins, your heart, your chest, your head. You were certain that something terrible was just around the corner, but each time, you were told it was nothing. And yet, in the frantic search for certainty, your mind couldn’t accept that. You feared even the smallest things—a cough, a sore throat—convinced that they meant something major. You couldn’t escape those thoughts, no matter how hard you tried. Your mind latched onto every symptom, every feeling, twisting it into something catastrophic. It was like taking one small thing and amplifying it into an overwhelming, undeniable certainty. It was exhausting. The pressure never let up, making everything feel like a matter of life or death, when in reality, it wasn’t. But anxiety doesn’t see it that way, and that’s what makes it so difficult. Looking back, it’s easy to feel like you’ve wasted so much time. So many hours spent on Google, reading forums, searching for answers that your brain desperately needed. But hear this: you weren’t wasting time. Your brain was in overdrive, trying to protect you in the only way it knew how. It was searching for anything that could offer peace. It didn’t know how to sit with uncertainty, how to tolerate the discomfort of not knowing. And that’s where the spiral began. But this isn’t your failure. This is something you’re living with, something that makes life harder, but it doesn’t define you. Health OCD is real, and it’s okay to acknowledge that this is a huge struggle. The truth is, you made it through. You’ve done it. You’ve faced those terrifying, suffocating fears, and you are still here. You’ve survived every wave of panic, even when you thought you wouldn’t. You have always made it through, even when it felt unbearable. That is no small thing. You are tired. You’ve lost time to fear, time spent searching for reassurance. It’s frustrating to feel like so much energy has been spent on things that never happened. But please don’t be hard on yourself. This is a battle you didn’t choose, and you’ve done the best you could. This is hard, and it’s okay to acknowledge how hard it is. The fear doesn’t define who you are. Your anxiety is not who you are. You are so much more than these thoughts and feelings. The next time the anxiety comes, when the panic creeps in and your brain starts searching for certainty again, come back to this truth: You’ve been through it before. You’ve made it through every time. Each wave of fear, each moment when you thought it would never end, has passed. You survived it. And you’ll survive it again. You don’t need to know everything right now. You don’t need all the answers. It’s okay to sit with uncertainty. The fear you feel is not a sign that something bad will happen. It’s just anxiety, and it will pass. You’ve got this. You’ve already proven how strong you are. You’ve already shown yourself that you can handle it, even when it feels impossible. So now, it’s time to let go of the shame, the doubt, and the endless search for answers. You are enough as you are, right now, in this moment, with all the uncertainty. You’ve faced fear before, and you’ll face it again—stronger, wiser, and more capable than ever. Each time you’ve made it through, you’ve built resilience. And this time, you’ll stand even taller. You are capable. You are stronger than you know. And you are never alone in this.

I still feel fearful of cancer. No matter what I do Im scared that I still to much red meat or milk will make my Risk higher and there's no way to not get cancer. I'm not super active, I'm focused on being a streamer and I'm trying to improve to reduce the risk but I'm fighting my mind weather I will or not. I have has family die due to this my friends uncle has it. And I'm so scared and I don't know who to talk to, it's not like I can afford therapy at the moment either. I'm so scared it's been eating at me for the whole week. I'm a sit down for fore then 4 hours that's not good, or if I eat chicken noodle soup, or if I drink one soda because I'm out of water. Granted I was never a healthy person, and I neglected health concerns but now I regret not caring, and being ignorant. It worries me, I'm scared.

I was doing fine with my schizophrenia ocd (fear of developing schizophrenia/psychosis), mostly because I was obsessing on something else for a bit, but something caused it to come back. I was at work yesterday and checked out a customer, he didn’t know English very well and was very quiet. However, when he was leaving, he said “thank you” loudly while walking out and I told him to have a good night, but since I couldn’t see his face nor his mouth move, I worried that I hallucinated the whole thing and he in reality didn’t say anything while he was leaving. The voice that said it sounded a bit different, however it could’ve just been since I had only heard him talk quietly before. I’m still wondering if I hallucinated this and it freaks me out, causing my ocd to make me believe I’m developing schizophrenia/psychosis or losing my mind again. I also always read that the difference between those with schizophrenia/psychosis is those with OCD have insight and know their thoughts are crazy, but then that leads me down a spiral if what if I DONT think those thoughts are crazy? What if I actually believe them and become delusional/lack insight? So a statement that would be helpful otherwise made it worse for me. One night I had a panic attack super bad because I couldn’t convince myself I didn’t believe I was in a dream and hallucinating. Any advice on beating these constant thoughts and how to cope with it? :/

I have a lot of friends that have health anxiety but they have the type where they constantly go to the dr for every little thing to check to make sure they are ok.. i unfortunately am 100% convinced I’m dying or terminal or will receive the worst prognosis. I am slowly conquering my fear of the dr but not as well as I would like to be.. I was CONVINCED I had melanoma to the point I was crying everyday because I was so sure I was going to die.. I couldn’t bring myself to go to the dermatologist because I was so scared of receiving bad news.. I did finally go! I spent all summer crying over it but went in November got 2 moles removed and they both came back benign.. I’m mad at myself for missing out on life and wasting so much time for it to be nothing.. the theme has jumped to my teeth.. I vape which I know is awful and I’m working on stopping.. I eat a lot of sugar and I haven’t been to the dentist in awhile.. there is some noticeable tartar on one of my bottom teeth but I can’t bring myself to go to the dentist because I’m so convinced I have mouth cancer or will need surgery or my teeth removed.. any advice on how to face this.. it’s so exhausting because if one thing gets checked out I just switch to the next.. idk when it ends. And the more appointments I go to the more scared I get because I’m like well everything else was okay so THIS TIME it has to be cancer or a big problem..

I've had a recent traumatic event in my family intensify my OCD as of a little over a month ago, and I think I've had it for most of my life and was able to get by, but now it's lowkey been consuming my life. The shape-shifting it's doing is wild too. It feels like a slot machine of subtypes and my OCD picking what it feels like ruminating about. Like I feel like I'm going insane sometimes ngl. It started out with like harm ocd, and it's shifted to suicidal ocd, existential ocd, schizophrenic ocd, psychosis ocd, then somatic ocd, religion ocd, and health concern ocd and probably others too tbh And as of tonight I'm having depersonalization/derealization symptoms to where I feel like things aren't real which I haven't really experienced before. I started Paxil a few days ago, so who knows if that is causing part of it. I'm kind of just trying to laugh it off, like idk if that makes me insane or not, but just like laughing at all of the shape shifting anxiety and ocd is doing to me and my thoughts. Like in the back of my head I'm like am I manic, or like why am I laughing at this feeling but I'm just going to try and accept these feelings and emotions as they are. I just thought I'd share my thoughts and feelings - and if anyone has experienced the shape shifting that ocd can cause lmk. I'm gonna try and sleep this off lol

I used tap water for my sinus rinse and sacred I will get brain eating amoebia. I googled it and it said I should be worried. Wtf should I do?

Hello. I think the alcohol problem has been passed down through generations in my family. My grandmother on my father's side and her siblings drank, my father and his sister drank. I thought that this problem didn't concern me, because I reach for alcohol on weekends or occasionally, most often during parties or social gatherings. I don't drink during the week, for me it's time for work, duties, sports. If there's a party, I've usually had enough of it the next day. I've had my fun and it's enough for me for a while. However, sometimes I drink up to 10 portions of alcohol at a party, counting each shot, drink or glass of wine as 1 portion. It happens to me that I black out. Sometimes I don't know when to stop drinking. It seems to me that everything is fine, and then suddenly it cuts me off. I've noticed that alcohol sometimes has a bad effect on my emotions. After drinking, I'm more impulsive, I explode more easily and I argue with my partner more often. I'm terribly emotional then. Alcohol gives me a sense of joy and openness - after it I feel more confident and more sociable, which is attractive to me. I simply like to party sometimes. Unfortunately, these positive emotions are sometimes short-lived, and then I sometimes have a terrible moral hangover, like two weeks ago on Saturday. We were at a restaurant with friends and then we ended up in a club. I don't remember the end of the party. I fell asleep in the club. I feel ashamed in front of my friends. Because it's not appropriate for a woman. These thoughts tormented me terribly, even to this day I feel ashamed and it torments me. I would like to understand where my attitude to alcohol comes from and how I can control it better. Is this already alcoholism? I'm afraid I'm addicted. I also suffer from OCD and I don't know if OCD has kicked in now. Lately, this fear of being an alcoholic like my father has been paralyzing me a bit. I constantly have thoughts about whether I am an alcoholic, whether I drink too much, what if I lose control and start drinking every day or black out again. I am constantly searching for information about alcoholism, I spend days googling, asking others, analyzing past experiences. Maybe someone can relate. Thank you for your answers.

I am currently 17 and I’ve had ocd ever since I was a child. Everyone noticed around me because I was obsessed with washing n my hands and having perfect handwriting to a point where while taking notes in church, I erased the letter “e” and had my cousin fill in the letter e through my whole page of notes. I would want notebooks to be perfect often resulting in me ripping imperfect pages off and ruining the whole book. I would erase till the page ripped. Later as a kid I watched movies like coraline and was felt that because of me doing certain things, I sent myself to an alternate reality. (I know it sounds insane but I was a child with ocd). I was convinced that because I did the Bloody Mary challenge in elementary school, I sent myself into a fake alternate dimension. I would have to do the Bloody Mary challenge and even amount of times to reverse it and recall the exact events of when I did it. I also heard about the Truman show and felt that I was in a simulation and would have to do certain things to get out. This gave me severe depression in middle school. I would walk backwards on tiles to make sure it was even. I would have to touch things an even amount of times and do intrusive thoughts like breaking this keychain I made and loved. I would pet my dog and think the most horrific things of her injured and would have to pray to protect her. Eventually as I got older, my trigger became forgetting things like forgetting thoughts that could be important or important TikTok’s so every time I scrolled on TikTok I would have to scroll all the way back up and would have anxiety if the page refreshes on its own. I am obsessed with dropping or leaving stuff so I always look back like a crazy person 24/7 to see if I dropped something. I would take excessive random screenshots to not forget something or if they jog a memory. I fear I accidentally close tabs on my computer which drives me insane even if I never even touched the tab. I have a hard time throwing away empty packages just in case something is in it that I never noticed. Sometimes I become hyper aware of swallowing. I get scared because as a Christian, blasphemy is an unforgivable sin so I would have panic attacks thinking my random intrusive thoughts were real and blasphemy. I would be confused with my sexuality even though I know I’m straight. And a lot of my irrational things I am aware are crazy but still am urged to follow through even if I suffer. I get obsessed with getting good sleep and if something I did in my past will actually be a major health problem. I would think that something I did in my past is gonna make God punish me. I get obsessed with my clothes or hands getting dirty so I’m always washing it. I get obsessed with being pretty and used to screenshot like 100 photos of pretty people. I have an overall obsessive personality. I also overthink about everything I say. Overall these are my most noticeable symptoms and my story. I know 100% that I have OCD and everyone around me knows but I just never had the means to get officially diagnosed because I only recently opened up to my parents on how big of a problem my ocd actually is and I didn’t want to pay for help. This is my ocd story.

i’m having sm anxiety rn bc i had a choir christmas party yesterday at school and we had snacks and sugar and i think sm sugar can make ur ocd rise bc it’s technically caffeine but also since i’m a senior in high school we had this thing for seniors and i got 2 cookies i ate that so i think it generally messed with my anxiety and ocd but when i got home i was so tired and felt bleh but i was anxious bc my fear of death ofc was like “what if ur dying?” and i’m having trouble breathing bc i woke up from a nap yesterday and i was panicking bc i thought i was gonna puke… but i woke up from a morning headache and i was anxious this morning but i’m like ugh it’s so hard bc my head feels weird and my body feels weird like almost like a burn out after anxiety?? but like i took a tylenol idk if it helped… but my head feels weird and body feels weird like almost light headed but not? and tired feeling but then my health, sucidial, and fear of death in general has been going back to back

I have asked my psychiatrist to try and increase my dose of sertraline from 200 mg, which is the max recommended dosage, to at least 225mg (studies have shown that in more severe Ocd cases, doses even up to 400 mg can really make the difference), but he refused. The reason he gave me was a possibility of developing the serotonin syndrome. Instead he prescribed an anti-psychotic, quetiapine in addition to the 200mg of Zoloft. He said it is what all psychiatrists prescribe in such cases. It has got nothing to do with the fact that I do not have any of the psychotic disorders, it just puts the cherry on the top of the sertraline cake. I am a vegan, try to eat as healthy as possible. On one hand, sertraline saves my life, it really is a blessing to me, but at the same time, on the other hand, it causes a long and hard range of physical problems. 10 years ago, and now again. After I reach the 100mg dose, I start gaining weight abnormally, my blood pressure rockets sky high, my LDL cholesterol is way too high, and I get diabetes 2. It all calms down only when I get to the 200mg of Zoloft. Interesting. Lower doses cause more problems than higher. In 2023 I gained about 27kg in 6 months. No diet, no exercise, no fasting, nothing works, I just can't lose weight on my own without medication. I ended up in hospital due to my super high blood pressure for 8 days in August 2023. Since then till now I have been to all possible specialists (cardiologist, neurologist, endocrinologist, diabetologist,....) to exclude all other possible culprits for all my problems. Every single one of them concluded that sertraline is the only one which is to blame, but since without Zoloft I have no life, and my life with it is like 90% better, it is better not to change it for another medicine and risk other complications. Instead, we should treat all the physical illnesses and conditions with the appropriate medications. It was a hell of a ride. So I went to the pharmacy and got the Kventiax (quetiapine). I read the patient directions for use. Among the very common side effects are: developing diabetes or worsening the existing condition, high cholesterol, high blood pressure, gaining a lot of weight, heart attack,... All the conditions I have been dealing with for a year and trying to get them under control with medications and guidance from specialists. I must say, I was very disappointed with my psychiatrist. He seemed to be ok, but now... he is well aware of all the health issues I have to fight because of sertraline and he prescribed a medicine that significantly worsens all of them. I refuse to take it. Instead, I contacted the very manufacturer of both Zoloft (Asentra) and Kventiax (quetiapine) and asked about the higher doses than max recommended of sertraline for ocd, about the serotonin syndrome and about my fears about quetiapine. Not only did they confirm that quetiapine very very commonly (in more than one patient out of ten) causes all the above mentioned problems, but that it is common knowledge among doctors and pharmaceutical professionals that even the lowest amounts of it can easily cause the serotonin syndrome. They stated that due to the law they can not recommend to go over the 200mg of Zoloft, but that studies show that higher doses are beneficial to some patients with ocd and that the side effects do not increase at all. There is no blood or other test to make sure that one hasn't developed the serotonin syndrome, but close cooperation of a patient and their psychiatrist can monitor it well. They basically said that if I was to change anything, it would be much smarter to increase the already existing medication (Zoloft), than introducing any other new one. I am now totally disappointed with my psychiatrist. My trust in him is on very weak legs. I am angry and sad and disappointed at the same time. He knew about all I've been through, he knows about all the medications I am taking and he bluntly refused to do what I know 100%sure would mean the world of a difference to my mental health and instead he prescribed an additional new medication, that could very possibly have killed me. I need to talk to him somehow. I am seeing him at the end of January. I have a possibility to call him, to ask for his email and send it all to him or to print it all out and send it to him via regular post. I don't know how to approach it. How do I tell him that he might have killed me. That I am an individual end not just one of all other people with ocd. How that I am terribly disappointed and feel like I can't trust his decisions with ease and confidence any longer. And that it made me feel hurt when he sort of cynically dismissed my suggestion by saying, yeah those Americans and their studies. What words do I use? I have a strong fear of conflicts. I usually come across people who when you express your opinion that is not like theirs or is in a way a show of their wrongdoings, that they become verbally aggressive, they attack and I usually become as small as a pea or my blood pressure raises and I try to get a word in edgewise so that I can stop them from walking all over me. It's always my fault and never theirs. I would greatly appreciate if you told me what you would do, how would you react and what would you say to him or write to him (my psychiatrist) if you were in my shoes. I don't want to argue with him or insult him, but I would like to tell him what he did wrong. This is serious. He could have killed me with his careless prescription of quetiapine. I am sorry for the length of the post (as usually). I just wanted to tell you the whole situation so that I could get some advice from you that could help me do what I need to do. Thank you in advance for being there when I need someone to lean on. All the best to all of you. 🙏

This should be common sense, but unfortunately I stumble down these rabbit holes and subreddits because I have a complicated health problem, and am trying to seek a similar community. I have sought out medical advice with no real conclusion and ocd anxiety makes things worse so I guess this is a form of compulsion? I’m not exactly sure anymore. Anyways, I had a strange experience last night where I had a bit of swelling and discomfort in my mouth and fingers. I took an antihistamine just in case, and the issue resolved itself. I posted in a histamine intolerance subreddit asking if anyone has experienced similar as there was no known trigger. Well, someone told me it was anaphylaxis and that I had to be more careful with what I ate. Anaphylaxis is already a trigger of mine, and although I know logically it couldn’t have been, the opinion of another person feels like confirmation. I am now afraid to eat or drink because of it. I am unsure if posting on subreddits was a compulsion now but please be careful with anything like that. It can make things so much worse.

tw / this theme is literally ruining my life. I can’t get a moments peace, all the symptoms I have feel so real and googling the symptoms caused more to show up and it’s so scary now. I don’t know what to do. I feel like I might actually have it and I’m so scared. nothing is helping. I’m going to be stuck in this theme forever or actually become psychotic or schizophrenic. I don’t know what to do anymore. I’m over analyzing every little symptom as possible schizophrenia, and no matter how many times people tell me “crazy people don’t know they’re crazy”, my ocd still has me convinced I have it or I’m developing it. I’m so, so sick of my anxiety and ocd. I don’t know what to do anymore. I feel trapped. these are just some of my symptoms: - Almost constantly seeing something out of the corner of my eye, shadows/figures/moving, etc. - Difficulty concentrating. - Newer symptom - difficulty talking (more frequent pauses in talking, forgetting what I was saying, struggling to find words, struggling to form sentences for a minute before I figure it out) - Extremely stressed and anxious almost at all times. - Extreme fear of losing my mind - Occasional feeling of impending doom - Forgetfulness (easily forgetting what I was saying/doing or what I was going to say/do) - Constantly pausing or rewinding videos/TV to make sure I wasn’t hallucinating the sound. - Occasional thoughts of “is this real?” “What if I’m actually just dreaming?” “Am I hallucinating all of this?” type of thing. - Difficulty getting to sleep, every night I don’t sleep until like 1-2 a.m. when I inevitably can’t keep my eyes open anymore and pass out, frequently wake up throughout the night Side note on this one: I’m afraid to sleep due to my OCD convincing me that something will happen in my sleep or I’ll sleepwalk or something like that. - Dissociation/zoning out - Almost always tired/yawning/exhausted/heavy eye feeling - Lack of interest in hobbies/shows/etc I’m so, so tired. I feel so hopeless and like my worst fears are actually coming true. Googling schizophrenia and psychosis just caused more symptoms and now I feel miserable. I wish I didn’t have to worry about this. I wish I could live happily and carefree. all of this venting and still nothing seems to help. Nothings helping. I’m just going to be stuck like this forever. I want to cry, I want to break down. I’m sick of living in fear. I’m sick of questioning my sanity. Now I’m spiraling that maybe I am schizophrenic or psychotic and this is just the beginning and it’s just going to get worse from here and I’ll end up losing myself and my mind/sanity. What if I lose the ones I love around me because they can’t stand me anymore. Im worried im not going to be myself anymore and im never going to recover and its just going to get worse.

Do you want to know what it's like for someone without OCD to be a Dad for an OCD son? I don't mean to add to your struggles, but I feel it's important for you to understand how your therapist, father, or mother might feel. We also have thoughts and fears—like worrying about not having enough money to support you, or concerns about our health and ability to work, pay for your college, or buy the new shoes you need. We fear seeing you struggle more deeply with your thoughts and anxiety episodes while feeling helpless. We grieve that we didn't recognize your condition earlier so we could have helped you better. Yet, despite all these fears and sadness, having you around brings us immense joy. Please know that each of you is deeply loved by someone who would sacrifice everything for you. Yes, we sometimes lose our temper and get upset, but it's not with you. It's the frustration of not understanding what's happening with you that upsets us. Feeling helpless drives us crazy. If OCD were a person, count me as its kiler. Love to all of you, and wishing you a speedy recovery.