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I was just lying on my bed and i felt mh heart stop for a second and it felt like it was beinb squeezed. Im freaking out this has never happened before

It’s one thing to have intrusive thoughts. It’s a deeper level of hell when the universe or outside world glitches daily and the most unlikely impossible scenarios happen daily. For example: you walk outside your house every single day at different times and every time you walk outside you see your trigger theme like cancer for example. Everyday you walk outside Nomatter what time it is you see a sick person, or a person with a shirt of cancer, or a vehicle with a cancer word on it. This is a different level of hell in ocd, it’s like the universe is conspiring against you on a daily basis to keep you trapped in fear. Then you begin looking for a trigger free day just to break free, and it never arrives. It just gets worse and worse. The universe literaly glitches and you see triggers in the most crazy ways to trigger you. What would you do then? Nothing helps. One thing is to have intrusive thoughts and triggers, but when you get to a level of ocd when the outside world glitches In order for you to see what you fear every single day, then what? Help is welcomed, where are the experts at? Never have I heard anyone with OCD deal with the universe glitching like this.

I feel like I’m going to stop breathing and it makes it seem like an effort just to do it. I just want to be normal again and have my breathing go back to being automatic. Idk how to beat this, I’m constantly worried about it

I am having an appointment with my psychiatrist this afternoon and I am obsessing about what to do with my medication. I think it’s also very ocd like obsessing. I am currently on 30mg mirtazapine. Ive been on this for years (because of insomnia, anxiety and depression) (15mg) and after we tried to switch to another (amitryptiline) because of nerve pain, I went down the road of insomnia and later on ocd again. So I am back on mirtazapine, and weaning off of the amitryptiline. This is/was a very traumatic experience. Because the switch caused a mental breakdown. Now my psychiatrist has mentioned to up the mirtazapine to 45mg. And my obsessive self has done a lot of research and a lot is saying that the higher the dose, the more you can experience anxiety. And for ocd it’s obviously not the first choice. I am obsessing all morning about it. I am too scared to go up. But I am also too scared to try another and to wean myself of off mirtazapine. I feel stuck at this point. Taking two meds is also not something I want. I could really use some words of encouragement right now I think. 🥹

I was first diagnosed with OCD at the age 19, the same time I first entered treatment for substance abuse. At that time, practitioners were focused on treating my SUD; it would be another 14 years until my parents and I, with the help of Dr. Whelan (UCLA, PANS/PANDAS Specialist), discovered that my OCD is (at least in part) the result of Pediatric Autoimmune Neuropsychiatric Disorder Associated with Streptococcal Infection (PANDAS), a condition that went untreated since the onset of OCD-like tics that I had developed after repeated strep infections ages 6-8. Throughout my 20s, I struggled with constant feelings of inadequacy and shame, and would often turn to substances to manage the anxiety and hopelessness that lay in the wake of unmet expectations of perfection. My symptoms would fluctuate greatly as I got older, but about 3 years ago, my OCD took a dramatic turn for the worse. I was living with my boyfriend (now good friend), who helped me the best he could as he watched me decline mentally and deteriorate physically. I would spend 8 hours rearranging a bookshelf, or begin wiping off the bathroom counter, only to realize 4 hours later that I was still cleaning and had moved to the kitchen. There is a palpable sensation in my body when recalling the moments during compulsions where I was so unconscionably angry, exasperated and physically exhausted and starving, but I couldn’t stop. “I’m almost done!” I would cry out to my boyfriend, who knew that meant anywhere from 30 more minutes of cleaning to 4 hours, moving room to room as I discovered more “dirt.” My ocd had become completely debilitating. I couldn’t cook due to fear of contamination, I struggled to sleep, I NEVER arrived on time to anything, and I was at constant ends with myself. Finally, about 4 months ago, my therapist, boyfriend, parents and I made the decision that I should move home. I had been seeing a complex disease specialist who discovered reactivated CMV, requiring me to be on aggressive antivirals, and exposure to toxic mold, necessitating a long detox protocol. Within 3 days of finally agreeing to start the antivirals, I went from physically ill to waking up and suddenly realizing I was habing a clear thought. My mom noticed that I hadn’t hesitated or gotten side tracked, and arrived promptly - within minutes - following my typical “I’ll be right there” (aka in 2 hours) response. I hadn’t even noticed it, but ever since that day, I have been noticing small improvements; even my tolerance or threshold for discomfort has increased. A week ago I told my parents it was the first time since high school that I was able to execute a task from beginning to end, without distraction and with a relatively clear mind. I say this because I want others to know that no matter how hard things get, don’t ever give up hope. There is a light at the end of the tunnel, but in the words of Winston Churchill, “if you’re going through hell, keep going.” I believe having OCD has also made me incredibly resilient. I feel a sense of responsibility to share my story in hopes that it might help someone suffering from OCD, or a family member struggling to understand a loved one with OCD. NOCD is a great resource for those with OCD, as well as family members and loved ones struggling to accommodate or understand. My parents are currently going through SPACE, a program for family members to help them better understand how to navigate and gradually reduced accommodations that may have been a point of contention. I have seen huge growth and my parents in it has been beneficial in helping us set goals and objectives, as well as having an open conversation about what I’m going through and what they are going through. Thank you to NOCD for all of the education and support you provide the community for free!

i feel the need to say sorry because i’m posting yet again. i’m having a REALLY DIFFICULT episode of ocd that i haven’t had for a few months now. i experience contamination ocd everyday and have constant anxiety attacks, however because that’s so normal to me and doesn’t affect anyone but myself, it doesn’t affect me in the same way harm ocd does. i haven’t had to deal with really bad harm ocd thoughts for a good bit now so i’m struggling so bad right now. if anyone has seen my previous posts (which i’m sure you have), this came about over a small change that happened a couple weeks ago. it’s now blossoming into a full episode. it’s making me feel paralyzed and not want to do anything, but i know in the past i had to force myself to distract myself by actually doing things. i’m supposed to hang out with my friend tomorrow, but i’m so close to cancelling because i feel like i can’t do it. my physical symptoms are also worse than what i feel like i’m used to and it’s terrifying me into thinking i’m gonna get sick. i just don’t know how to get through it. it feels like impending doom and constant panic. i just want to feel like myself again and happy

I feel like OCD has destroyed my brain relative to where I was before it. Headaches, worse memory, brain fog, mental fatigue, etc. How scary is that. Then I think "oh it's just 'cause you're worrying about that and it's temporary" Thing is, what happens when the temporary becomes the new normal? I hate this sh**

When is ocd so bad that someone can’t deal with it on their own? I honestly don’t know if it’s just my brain telling me I can’t deal with it when I really can, but then I start thinking if I tell myself I can deal with it when I really can’t, then I’ll actually loose it. In my mind, my safe haven has been remembering that I can always go to the hospital if I feel so bad. Because I’m so terrified of getting stress induced psychosis because of this extensive fear. I finally start to feel better and then my mind tells me that I have to worry about it to prevent it from happening. Each hour feels draining to get through and I’m terrified of each thoughts possibility that I know I’d feel better if I was hospitalized and kept away from doing potential harm. I go to therapy every other week but I feel like I need every week and actually more than once a week because each day feels hard to get through and it takes forever to get to therapy.

I had a migraine a little over a week ago after a few months of tremendous stress and anxiety. For a few days I was okay apart from a mild headache but then i got it into my head that I have a brain tumour. Yesterday I had the worst panic attack ever caused by all this overthinking. I started getting really dizzy, numb face and arm and I was convinced I had been correct and did have a brain tumour. The panic attack subsided after I calmed myself down a little bit but I am so anxious that I have a brain tumour. The numb feeling disappeared after the panic attack. But i have a dull headache, had a twitchy eye sometimes, and neck twitches. Sometimes when I really think about it I feel like I can’t focus or keep my vision straight. I can’t stop panicking about it I’m really really scared that there’s something wrong with me. I’m gonna go to the doctors to ask about it but i just needed to vent. I feel like recently I’m spending all the time thinking I have a brain tumour and it is honestly terrifying me so much.

I’m 19 and struggle with health anxiety, contamination, harm, and magical thinking OCD and would love to meet people with similar experiences and hardships because I have never had an opportunity for such a supportive community!

Hi all. It is my first week on here and I don’t think I was anticipating how broken I would feel when I started this process. I hope I can do this, but I have been at listening to these obsessions about my health for 30 of my 45 years on the planet. I thought I had things more together, but this year has been real bad for so many reasons and my cracks are really showing. I am not sure what my question is..maybe I just need to know people have come back from where I am.

As my current mental health has definitely reached a new low, I will probably soon start with medication. However, since I am actually somewhat afraid of the typical side effects of antidepressants and mood-stabilizers, I wanted to ask anyone who is or has been taking medication for OCD and or depression (and mood-swings). I recently got also diagnosed with depression (I’ll be further tested for burnout) and I also suffer from pretty intense mood swings and anxiety, both really draining the last bit of energy that I currently have. You can honestly be as specific and descriptive as you want since I don’t know any people in my personal life that take any medication for their mental health and I’m genuinely curious about side effects, how long the different meds take to kick in, etc. The only meds I’m familiar with are beta blockers, specifically bisoprolol but I want to switch to propranolol.

Hi I’m new to this group. I’ve had ocd and very bad anxiety disorder since I was a kid and only got progressively worse as I grew up. I’m 26 now. I had some somatic/sensorimotor ocd while growing up and feeling or worrying about health concerns that aren’t actually there… anyway about 5 weeks ago I randomly started feeling like I had to go pee all the time? I don’t have any pain or anything just the horrible constant feeling like I need to go pee. I’ve gotten checked for a uti multiple times. My pcp suspects it could be being exacerbated by the anxiety because it’s so distressing to me it’s almost all I think about. My ocd has convinced myself that I now have some chronic bladder problem. I notice it’s not as bad at night when I’m relaxed (thanks to medication) and about to fall asleep. I just am so scared that it’s never going to go away and I’m going to have to deal with this for the rest of my life and I can’t do that…. Was just wondering if anyone else ever dealt with this symptom? I know our brains are powerful but sometimes it just feels so real. 😣😣

i’ve thought that i have OCD for about 2 years now, but i’ve had a lot of the symptoms for as long as i can remember (but i don’t really remember a lot of my childhood- i need to check w family to confirm). i’ve talked to my gf about it, and she thinks i just have GAD and am a hypochondriac. i definitely do have GAD, but the things i have obsessions and compulsions ab aren’t just health related (even tho a lot are), ill imagine that people are injured or dead if i don’t hear from them, i ruminate on childhood events and think about if i could have changed things, i blame myself for things that aren’t my fault, i check all of the locks in my house every night to make sure nobody can break in (even tho ik they’re locked), etc. my GAD more shows up in worrying about like worrying about an upcoming exam or about going into work, or that my friends/family/gf are/is mad at me. i know you guys can’t diagnose me, but the i can’t see a therapist on here until i am able to tell my current therapist that i need to see someone else. i just wanted to talk about it i guess, ive taken so many online quizzes and psych classes that i feel like i somewhat know what im talking about.

I want to get thought this weird horrible period, it has been horrible. I am doubting everything. I’m not diagnosed but when I look at my past I’ve always been horribly anxious and worrying about health, death and basically everything while suffering from major a lot of insecurities stemming from bullying and lately a lack of intimacy with my partner, Every time I think I’m on the way out, or see some light at the end of the tunnel my mind always pulls me back in. It’s torture. I’ve always been insecure about how I look and I find myself comparing myself at other males and it’s made my self esteem on the floor. I have a girlfriend and prior to this we had a future planned and talked about kids (we’re still young, but it felt so real), this all began to bubble when we stopped being intimate and the loss of my job. I don’t know anymore how to move on, every day feels like a chore. The intrusive thoughts telling me I’m in denial, constantly thinking about men I’ve felt insecure about their looks compared to mine wishing I looked like them plaguing my mind. The false attractions, prior to this i was comfortable in acknowledging good looking men. However now my mind takes this as evidence, every single thing in my past seems like some form of evidence. Not having male friends, the comparisons, being questioned about my sexuality from siblings. I’m sorry if this is reassurance, I am just needing to get some things of my chest. Every time I think about my first real attraction or girls I found pretty/attractive or I liked my mind is like your in denial and then I feel horrible about thinking those thoughts as I have my girlfriend. I miss just being with my girlfriend and not having these thoughts and feeling horrible. I feel like a fraud and a horrible partner. I’ve tried to accept maybe, maybe not, but something always comes back. These 4 months have been terrible. I want to sleep without horrible dreams, I want to eat. I want to feel like myself again. Thank you to anyone who reads this. Hope you’re strong too.

for past three years I would take pills for anything, anxiety related to even medication for infections. But I just cant anymore. My throat feels really small, even when I eat food. I asked my dentist to prescribe me liquid Amoxicillin, and she did. My parents picked up my medication and it was capsule form instead. They know my aversion to swallowing pills so they broke it apart and was mixed in with orange juice, but even then that worries me. what if I get a health defect from that method? Thats why tomorrow I am asking for a presciption Liquid Amoxicillin, I've been extremely anxious today and it sucks.

Hey guys so I’m new here and just recently started struggling with some health ocd and thinking I had a brain tumor but it’s taken a turn for the worse and become this existential ocd where I’m questioning quite literally everything in my life, the purpose of being here and stuff. I just started meds yesterday, which is scary for me cause I’ve never been on them before. I keep having thoughts like, why does everything feel like a blur, what’s the meaning of this and I wake up every day with just existential dread. I’ve been having very vivid dreams that make dreaming and reality confusing I also am scared cause I’m dealing with some DP/DR as well. I just wish my life could go back to a few months ago before I knew all of this was possible. I guess I’m just writing this too get it off my chest and see if any of you all have gone through something similar and made it out okay?

i’ve been dealing with SOCD for 5 years and truly believe it has altered my life completely😀. i haven’t been properly diagnosed but the child therapist I had when i was in hs kind of hinted to me i had something more than just plain anxiety. i’ve also dealt with intrusive thoughts all throughout my childhood and as my family life got worse my anxiety got worse annnd i started getting more and more thoughts that wouldn’t leave me. I remember spending months not swallowing right and practically starving myself bc i kept thinking i was going to choke. i also rmbr spending months worrying ab death and dying EVERYDAY. it woke up with horrible anxiety and it was all i could think about. i can still rmbr sitting in my grandpas chair and just staring off and thinking “im going to die one day” “idk what’s going to happen” “is god real” “i don’t want to die” “what if there is no heaven” and so on. when the socd thoughts started i was 15. i searched around online for help and found reddit and i was like “omg yes finally people who understand and are going through EXACTLY what im going through.” finding that community and this app has helped me so much. anyway i had such a horrible time during my teenage years bc of all the intrusive thoughts about my sexuality, my relationship (glad that’s over), and some other things here and there. i was so so depressed and i felt no one around me understood how fucking awful i felt. i woke up everyday anxious, depressed, numb, and exhausted. when i started college i told my old therapist that even tho im extremely afraid of death i just didnt like living. i would cry in my car before class and just sob ab how awful i felt. although my mental health has gotten SO much better as time went on and the thoughts haven’t been as frequent im definitely not doing well. i am literally stuck. i’m still in college but i don’t know what to do with myself. those years of anxiety and depression have left me STUCK. im so much happier? and i can manage the thoughts way better but i don’t want to do anything. i only talk to 2 friends (literally lost so many great friendships), i RARELY drive bc im afraid ill die in a car crash (only to school and back), i don’t go out, i don’t ask for help at school, i avoid conversations, i avoid ppl in general, i don’t put in that much effort into school, i don’t have hobbies, i don’t want to do anything, i literally have the worst social anxiety now, im afraid of everything. i feel like the only reason im “ok” now is bc i’ve avoided literally everything. i’ve basically spent three years of my life doing nothing. i’m not happy with where i am in my life but im so scared to do anything. i miss who i was before all of this. i’ve been dealing with anxiety all my life and ik my childhood and early teen years made me like this. i didn’t know how to deal with the things i went through/saw as a little kid and i guess everything exploded in my teen years. but i want to be better i want to start LIVING. i’m definitely happier than before but im not living. what frustrates me is i refuse to do anything about it. i know a big reason why i don’t experience as many intrusive thoughts is bc i avoid everything 😭. ik what i have to do to get better and turn my life around BUT I WONT DO ANYTHING. idk how to explain this but its not laziness i feel like my body is exhausted. i think im just so traumatized from feeling so fucking horrible for so many years i just shut down ykwim?? i don’t have any libido, i don’t find ppl attractive, i can’t get myself to do the things im interested in (so many books r piled on my floor), i rot all day, i push off my responsibilities till the last minute, i can’t even get myself to go on a small walk. i don’t know where i was going w this but if someone who’s going through the same thing sees this ur not alone. i just needed to get this out. hopefully one day things will get better.

I was on Zoloft for over a month , then 2 days ago my heart rate got to 140 and I made my mom take me to the hospital. everything was okay just anxiety, now I’ve been waking up with anxiety and being nauseous it goes away after a min but it just sucks. I wanna stop my Zoloft idk how to go about that either. I’m so stressed. 😞💔

Nearly a week since I stopped in the middle of a compulsion and I still feel stressed and tempted to finish it. My throat, ears, head, chest, legs,arms, my body has been hurting since then. And if I finish it will it stop? But what's stopping me is.. I've been trying to trust God to handle it. Idk what to do rn, Ive been trying to set up a schedule for this week but it ended up not working out so I will try again next week, and School work I'm years behind (I'm in yr 10), I don't rlly have any friends either to help me. But anyways I try not to think about school that much since I have alot more to think about. And I don't even have any talent or anything I want to be I just want to be a good person but I'm horrible I just need to do focus on stuff Like getting closer to God. looking after myself. The OCD thoughts which. I can't do any of these tho because the OCD makes me so stressed I just want to hit the OCD in the face but I can't obviously so I do it to myself, And they make me want to do more to myself but I don't because ✝️ And I don't want to. Anyways I can't even do the basic things to look after yourself, and The OCD thoughts keep saying about death all the time, and illness. I don't like hearing it in my head all the time I can't do anything properly. And Those thoughts are active when I try read the Bible. Even when I used an audio bible. And a app where u read 1 verse at a time it's still hard. But basically what do I do My throat keeps feeling weird like burning without the feeling hot ughhshsheh I don't want to go back into that life when I was 12-13 where I was worrying about my health and checking with doctor all the time