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Has anyone experienced ROCD in a friendship??

Hi everyone had a question I am 42 years old until about 7 months ago my ocd has become so bad almost debilitating. I think I have had ocd since my mid 20s but it was barely there and it would sometimes almost be non existent and I didn’t even know it was ocd until I was diagnosed four months ago It was always my family getting hurt especially at night I was convinced that someone would break in the house and murder us. Or a fire would start but j would just check the doors and stove appliances a few times before bed nothing to time consuming and I never had panic attacks or the physical symptoms of anxiety, I did do weird rituals like I blessed things that fell on the floor because I thought something bad may happen to my kids which seems strange and I would put clothes away a certain way or again something bad would happen and I hated the number 6 so the volume can never be on 6 things like that. When I type if I didn’t get the word right the first time I’d have to erase the whole word and start over sometimes the whole sentence which was super annoying! But since I had my daughter 4 years ago I would have this weird fear with knifes like only I could wash them and put them away or someone may accidentally stab themselves or someone else, and I began to get intrusive images of someone trying to hurt my daughter or someone would kidnap her or she would stop breathing at night but it all was pretty tolerable until out of the blue I had a really bad intrusive images of me hitting her in the head with my phone it’s scared me so bad I had a panic attack and started questioning why would I think that?! Then a week went by and another intrusive image of me hurting her and then eventually it was anything and everything in my house could be weapon to hurt her i was terrified I googled it and realized it was intrusive thoughts and it was harm ocd 😞I have been really struggling since and that was 6 months ago I try to tell myself that they are just thoughts and it’s just my brain being hyper vigilant to protect her but I fear that the more I have them I will do them in my sleep And the physical sensations of anxiety and panic attacks are unbelievable sometimes Can anyone relate to their ocd becoming worse almost overnight later on in life I want my life back I’m so sad I’m scared to sleep at night I just want this all to go away Any tips it’s hard not to react to the thoughts when it is about harming your own child who I love soooo much And please tell me this is ocd

I should probably give a bit of a back story 1st: I am a 41 y/o Momma of 4 absolutely beautiful kiddos ages 22(g), 18(b), 7(b), and 6(g) sadly that's going through a separation/divorce from their dad, and after 24 years together & 23 years married (2 separations of 2½years each in there which ended 10 years ago) I am having the worst time dealing with this. I need to find a way to make these days of watching me live out my entire life inmy head. I'm going over all the good and bad moments, mistakes & regrets replaying everything, even the life without him for years before we met & then during separations previously. So I've made a lot of bad choices and surprisingly have lived a very full life in such a short amount of time. I want all of the thoughts to stop and I need help. I have done meditation and all I can think of but now I'm in such a bad state of mind and my depression is so bad, my overthinking is so so so bad and i can't make it stop.

Yup. God I freaking hate them. I went to go give my little brother my aunt's dog and I purposely put them on the side of them because I was going to put the dog on them but then my mind was like haha you want to put it SPECIFICALLY IN A CERTAIN AREA and it was like giving me an urge to do that and do something else which I won't do but my freaking god I hate these urges. They scare the living heck out of me but it REALLY feels like I "want" to do them. Like I'm ok with it and I feel so alone in it :( Its like I really have to hold myself back not to do things (which I won't trust me) but its a feeling like that. Idk its a really scary one and honestly I don't even want to continue trying in life if thats all my mind will do towards people. Also because of that my mind instantly snapped to my early days of POCD where I was carrying a baby and had an urge I believe ? I honestly don't even know but its like well look at how easy you could've done those things maybe in the past you actually acted upon the intrusive thoughts with the baby but you didn't see it as anything bad because of your reckless behavior and moved on so you don't know if you've done it or not. Idk these urges are kind of scaring me again haha It just feels like I want to act on them and theres little nothing and hell not even myself to stop me :( Hope everyone is having a great day !

After going 2 weeks now with none to limited intrusive thoughts it feels amazing. But at the same time almost foreign like it’s odd not to be obsessing like it’s hard to get adjusted back and like you worry if and when they’ll come back.

I hate taking naps cause sometimes they mess me up and I guess this time it did. Had a dream where I was remembering something my dad "did" to me and my uncle "did" to me. Its so weird. Its like I'm forgetting something that happened to me and I'm finally remembering it and that feeling of yeah I remembered something that happened to me is there. I know for sure my dad has not done those things to me lmao and I don't think my uncle has done anything to me either. Before this OCD theme I can tell you that I always remember something thats pretty traumatic to me lmao I usually don't forget major events like those, I'm constantly always remembering the bad in the past and what could happen. Its somethint I always questioned too like so many people don't remember their traumatic or bad memories, but for me I do remember it. Idk this feeling is so weird and I hate it attached to something like that rather than me doing it this time. Maybe I'll forget who knows. Hope everyone had a great day. Tell me, what did you guys do today and what show have you been watching and why I should give it a try ?

Just gotta vent bc jfc am I so tired of this. Needa let it off my chest yu know ?? I'm so sick and tired of all these things. I can move on and be like ah who cares about that thought, it isn't real, trust me. And then BAM new false memory. Idk if anyone else gets it like me but I mean I always feel alone in these things. Heres how mine goes. An example will be last night. I'm cleaning my room. I decide to clean my desk. Sit on my chair. Stand up. Look at my chair. My mind immediatey goes "something happened here with someone younger." Then it'll show me sitting down holding a child, ok so theres me holding a child now what mind ? Oh ok now my mind is telling me I did something to that younger person. Great. And it seems real because its a major possibility ? Great thank you and whats this ? Oh anxiety ? GREAT this is great and because uncertainty is so good for false memory, it'll continue. And continue. And continue. Idk I'll just look at things, places, people. Example again would be a bathroom. I've brought someone in there. I see someone younger oh you've done this to them, hered a memory. I had a harmless memory recently that felt like those false memories which really like scrapped them all away almost instantly LMAO even though that harmless one I'm still trying to figure out but eh lets see if I get another harmless one but who cares. Now though what I also get are like ideas ? In a sense. So right now again I saw people younger than me, I am VERY afraid of bumping into them because I got a false memory that I did something to one of them at my work recently (god if I could check cameras I would). But again the harmless thought felt exactly like that and how there woukd just be a simple image in a sense but nothing is happening. Anyways back to the false idea. My mind is now saying I have bumped into younger people in the past, I've said sorry, they believe that I am sorry so they don't think twice about it, BUT MY INTENTIONS were for something terrible. Yeah. So this isn't a memory, its an intention I would constantly "do." And because its something I would "do" I obviously wouldn't remember much because it would have been a habit. They would not know, their parents wouldn't know. No one around would know. And I'm also getting it with my best friends sibling with this so its like so hard to not fucking confess on these shits. I know if I talk to them about it they'll be on edge too. Ugh. I will say alot of my false memories/thoughts/ideas would be of things hidden that no one would ever know sooo yeah. I just hate this really. I really freaking wish I got that certainty that I never did these things. That I know myself. Idk its hard. But anyways just had to vent. Hope everyone's day went well, what did you guys do today ? 🫂💕

I was diagnosed with GAD a few years ago. (And panic disorder back in college) but early this year, when I was looking into some checking behaviors in my son, it was like the veil was lifted for me- and when I started reading about “pure O” and mental compulsions- I felt like my whole world was rocked. Like all of a sudden my whole childhood made sense. That all the things I had been doing were maybe OCD and not normal kid stuff. Here are some examples. Wondering your thoughts for those of you diagnosed? I finally went to a therapist and after three sessions (she didn’t even want to talk about my childhood at all) I asked her if she thought I could have ocd because of my compulsive researching and certain tendencies and she literally said “ocd looks like handwashing” and brought up Howie Mandel not touching door handles. That was a red. Flag so now I’m here. Thanks for any thoughts: Childhood triggers: Death- was CONSTANTLY worried my parents would die. Couldn’t go to movie theater and enjoy the movie. Or on vacation. Would spend the whole time worrying about their health. Did they have cancer? Both were smokers. Would just watch them breathe. Religion: OBSESSED with the end of the world. Tried to learn everything I could about it. Worried constantly that it was going to end at any moment. I would look out our front window to see if the church across the street was still there or if it was “raptured.” Prayed a lot over and over. Felt if I didn’t pray enough about certain things- like my parents health if they had to go to the doctor for a check up that God would punish me by giving them cancer. Was also very obsessed and worried about getting my period. (Luckily, or unluckily it didn’t come til I was 14). An example of how messed up I was- I would pray to God and barter that he could give me my period if it meant the world would not end. I was like 10-12 probably at this time. (Y2K was also around this time frame) How my symptoms have possibly adapted? (This is outside of rumination, mental review- I do a lot of that- but I feel like that’s common in GAD?) Had a bad bout with panic disorder in college where I was fearing for my own health all the time. I still have the issue. It’s now turned more into obsessive googling. I was recently diagnosed with Graves Disease and I know just about everything you could know about thyroids, tests, autoimmune illnesses etc. same with OCD. Same with ADHD for my kids. I plan what I’m going to google/research after work each day. I have to GPS my drive time to work just to see if I’m going to be late, even though it won’t change the outcome. I wake up like 1-2 hours before my alarm goes off every day and check my phone probably 15-20x before my alarm goes off.

Second warning just in case. This will be the topic of pleasuring ourselves and intrusive thoughts that may come with it. (POCD) If you would not like to get triggered please do not read further ahead. So I've been trying to stop pleasuring myself and watching x rated videos. Well recently I did do the act which I'm not going to count for my calendar because I know I'm going to feel god awful about messing it up when before doing it I was like eh its fine. Ahh the terrible cycle. But its ok, I'm still doing way better than before. Anyways recently though because of how heightened my OCD has been with its themes, I want to see if there is any way to help me on this. Whenever I pleasure myself or think of anything sexual, my mind ALWAYS puts my siblings in there. ALWAYS even watching the videos recently will put my sibling in there as if you know I'm watching them do those things which :/ really DO NOT want to think that. I will imagine me and my boyfriend doing things and instantly it'll put my sibling in their position. I know trying to get away from it isn't the way to go cause if I go back I'm going to be instantly reminded of how my thoughts are with sexual things since its something that I was trying to avoid so I'm just being reminded of the avoidance. So how would I go about this ? I obviously do not want to think of my siblings in those scenarios and imagine them in those ways. Do I just need to cut off these things even more ? Focus on something else ? Idk this is also with ice cream for me haha. I can't lick ice cream anymore because if I do my mind makes a thought of me doing something to someone in that way sexually which is not fun so I also haven't been licking my ice cream LMAAOO weird to say and also disgusting but its just annoying really. Ugh. I just want this all to stop and enjoy these things normally 😵‍💫😵‍💫 Hope everyones night goes/went well ! 🫂💕

All OCD treatment seems to revolve around avoiding your compulsions and teaching your brain that nothing terrible will happen if you don't do them. That's fine for the thoughts and worries I have that *do* have compulsions, but some of my worst intrusive thoughts don't seem to have a compulsion to go with them. I just sit there thinking obsessively about my loved ones dying and how I'll feel and what I'll do, but I don't have a way of stopping the thoughts, not even things like praying or pushing the thoughts away or telling myself to think about something else (I'm never able to drag my mind away from the bad thoughts anyway, so I kind of stopped trying). Does this mean it's not really OCD?

Maybe I'm doing too much but my mind has been so freaking mean to people, especially my friends. Like they deserve bad things happening to them and my mind feels happy. I can't tell if these thoughts are mine or not cause they feel like my normal train of thoughts. I feel so saddened and honestly sickened by what it has been saying and its like I will have a mean thought that seems normal to my mind and a second right after I feel immense guilt and hate myself and I deserve nothing.... Just needed to vent again but idk if these are even intrusive thoughts at this point and I'm just a terrible person and going back to how horrible I treated people :(

I hate whenever my mind finds a memory that shows "proof" that my real event is worse than it seems and I'm not remembering the timeline correctly. My mind instantly goes to doubting which obviously I try to say no no shut up that doesn't prove anything. I know I should just leave it alone but god dang its so scary :( Anyways just needed to vent I guess. How is everyone's night/day ?

Is anyone dealing with really bad depression and harm ocd. I have come learn that the harm intrusive thoughts are thoughts and I would never act on them but the depression and panic attacks are awful. Not just the panic attacks but I just generally have this terrible feeling in my chest. I am a stay at home mom with a four year old I just cry all day it’s so hard to do anything and I am waiting on therapy. Does anyone have any tips or advise? How do I deal with this sadness I find no joy in almost anything I love my children and I don’t want them to see me like this

Really really struggling I feel like I need to scream cry run and hide I cannot stop obsessing about my husband he makes me feel anxious uncomfortable etc He cuddled me last night and I felt weird I don’t get it I’m so confused and worried to death I had an appointment at work today I cancelled couldn’t bare the thought of going somewhere and pretending to be present I’m not enjoying food doing anything going anywhere physical contact with my husband and being with him is making me question him constantly I’m dreading the weekend at home with him I just don’t know what to do Do I love him anymore should I leave should I run away I cannot cope with these feelings any longer I’m seeing a counsellor Monday had my meds increased and not drank alcohol in 11 days and I drank very regular This episode all started from a panic attack non related 3 weeks ago

How long can you have harm ocd with new intrusive images and thoughts popping up? I have been suffering from harm ocd for 6 months now and I just got done with therapy and my therapist told me I shouldn’t still be having intrusive thoughts or images for this long and still causing me distress She made me feel worse I’m not sure she knows a lot about ocd. Is it normal for me to still be having new intrusive thoughts and images pop up? She scared me a little bit now my anxiety is up again 😣😔

Going through a very very tough time with anxiety depression and OCD The counseling wait for the nhs is long I’ve had my meds increased from 50 to a 100 For a solid 2 weeks I’ve felt terrible with what started off as a panic attack I’m now consumed with an overload of thoughts, mainly negative doubt guilt worry what if questions Generally feel like I’m going out of my mind I’m now fixated on my marriage should I be with him ? Am I even happy ? Do I even like him ? I don’t like my home at the moment and don’t want to be there or what To do with myself Like I want to leave work right now and break down I worry about things that happened in the past my fault and then ruminate in why I done what I did It’s so overwhelming No appetite Exhausted Emotional nothing interests me apart from googling my feelings / thoughts Anyone been here before ?

Is anyone going through peri menopause and noticed their ocd symptoms got worse like over night! I went from being a mild checker at night and some other ocd compulsions but they weren’t interfering As much. I lived a pretty productive life. But a few months after my 41st birthday I was hit with these scary intrusive thoughts and panic attacks, I didn’t know what it was a first and then realized I have harm ocd 😔 and the intrusive thoughts are harm to my children. I know I would never act on the thoughts but then ocd sent me the thought What is you sleepwalk and hurt someone. Is anyone else going through perimenopause or menopause and notice a there ocd became worse overnight and how do I get over this fear of sleepwalking Be so grateful for any advice thanks!

Is anyone going through peri-menopause I’ve had ocd for years and it wasn’t too bad and then bam 41 it hit me like a tone of bricks with harm ocd intrusive thoughts, panic attacks, depression, and some derealization. Oh and insomnia Also I have physical symptoms which I believe are anxiety related tingling arms and this pit of dread in my stomach. My OBGYN informed me that I was going through peri menopause and that if I had any mental health problems before they would become worse. I have always been a worrier but the disturbing intrusive thoughts are ridiculous but they cause me so much anxiety and they are harm related around my children 🥺 Is anyone else experienced this who is going through peri menopause or menopause

Do you guys get "familiar" feelings as if you can see an event playing out or have a feeling an event played out not exactly but something similar ? Like you feel like you were in that same place ? Like you've been in that situation ? And now you are trying to find the details of what exactly or if what you are thinking of is true ? I'm fucking spiraling right now so I would really love a reply from others who have felt the same.

When getting false memories, do the actions playing out in them feel too real ? Like you can see yourself doing the action, you know the action could be a "possibility" you have a familiar feeling something like that happened, and playing out the action feels real. You acting out something on someone. I really feel like I'm so alone in this....