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Because is controlling my life

Hello, Ive struggled with OCD throughout my life. The themes have changed as I gotten older but it ranges from being certain I was HIV positive to that I would have comitted terrible crimes. But I finally thought I kicked it when I went on medication and had a really great year with little to no Intrusive thoughts. But now the thoughts are back in full force because I’ve met the most wonderful woman and I’ve never felt like this for another person in my life. I’ve started to think I’ve cheated on her early in our relationship. When we first started to see each other I still talked to other people because we met on a dating site and i’m very afraid of rejection so I dated multiple people until our 5th date when I realized she is the one I want to persue. We didn’t become a couple until 3 months later because she wanted to take it slow. I’ve told her all of this that I still talked to another girl until our 5th date but after that I fell in love. I confessed to this multiple times and felt awful for weeks. Now I’ve let it go and started to Imagine that I talked to the other girl longer and that i’ve forgotten. I ruminate constantly, read old messages that confirm my story but I still can’t stop obsessing that what if I talked to another girl later. If that would be the case I could never forgive myself. I’ve beaten myself up for it for months now and it’s starting to ruin my health and relationship. I really need some advice. Please help, I don’t know what to do😓

I know that ocd becomes worse if a girl is having her period but is it normal if my ocd gets worse when I’m ovulating? Also, how can I stop rumminating? I find these videos in yt but I guess it became more a compulsion than other thing and doesn’t reaaly help me that much :/

I feel like I’ve gotten pretty good about not letting the intrusive thoughts take over during the day, because there are things to do. I can let it scream in the background while I go about my day. But at night when I go to bed…this obviously gets more challenging. How do you guys handle intrusive thoughts at night? Do you guys have an evening routine that helps relax you? Since ruminating is my primary compulsion, this can be difficult for me. Maybe I should start doing a nighttime meditation every night to help me fall to sleep?

I had my third session today, and my therapist and I are filling out my fear and response list. For some reason I'm having a hard time filling out compulsions and even some of the fear responses. It's like everything is so connected it's hard to separate it in my head. I've never tried to do this before. Also maybe I can explain the compulsions in a longer sentence but it's hard to use just one word. And most of my triggers cause a pretty high number of distress, but I need to find something with less anxiety to start the exposure therapy. Does anyone have advice on how to make this process easier, or just an example of how they filled this form out? Thanks.

Have others had the experience of having an ocd relapse? I have felt that my ocd was fairly under control for a few years but I have recently been struggling and would say I have fallen into a relapse. It is very disheartening not to mention I am so tired and a bit scared. I am triggered all day long by all kinds of different things. Things have felt like they are exponentially unraveling.

Does your them cause you so much despair that you get terrified to your bones? Mine is health OCD, and I’m always worried that I’ve missed a symptom and it’s some stage 4 something. The OCD is also really tied to PTSD for me from my mom passing of cancer. Since June, I’ve thought I had breast cancer, colon cancer and now gallbladder cancer. If I feel the slightest twinge by my right rib, I absolutely FREAK out. As I type this, I can see that it’s the OCD latching on to something else, but to me it feels SO REAL. That THIS TIME, it WILL be cancer. The distress makes me physically ill and causes me to constantly have a full bladder. Whenever I start to fall asleep, I wake up in a full panic gasping for air as I remember this fear. I am really having a hard time coping rn and am finding that I’m telling myself I’m safe. I know it’s a compulsion but omg, I’m a 10/10 right now, borderline panic attack and it just wont go down. I don’t know what else to do?

Does anyone here have diagnosed BPD and wouldn’t mind sharing abit about it? I think I might have it but the internet and the unreliable quizzes online are not helping me work out if it might have it or not. I understand I would need a proper diagnosis but if anyone would be open to explaining it abit more to me thay would be great. Thank you 💜

I want to know if this is something not right. Is there something wrong with me. My mind wants to think about our existence all the time. Almost like depersonalization or derealization. And it makes me feel like I just don’t want to be here. I am seeing a psychiatrist. And on medication. But he’s not specialized in OCD. Is this something I’m not alone with?

Guys I’ve been very hesitant about getting on meds but my OCD thinking has gotten really bad. So I decided to just get fluoxetine and start it. But my reservations about meds is carrying over into my ocd and i’m scared when I take the medicine i’m going to start freaking out due to “placebo” in a way. Like i am going to start getting symptoms or freaking out and wanting to throw up the meds or something idk

I feel like I’m being buried in an ever-growing to do list of things that really can’t be ignored, but I don’t have the capacity to deal with them. Bills, finances, clients, etc. My income has basically come to a screeching halt because of the OCD relapse I’ve been going through. I’ve been living on what little savings I had and now that’s almost gone. How in the world are people supposed to live with this disorder? The treatment is so expensive. Working is impossible. I feel like giving up entirely but then I don’t even know what that would mean? How could I give up anymore than I already have? I am so sick of dealing with this and the stress that is on top of it for BASIC LIVING NEEDS! I am so so tired 😭😭

i’m new to this app, im sorry if this post is inappropriately long. ever since july of this year, my very under the radar ocd has jumped gears and completely taken over my life. TRIGGER WARNING for people who don’t like s!ckness or anything of the sort, i don’t wanna make anyone panic! but i had a bad UTI and it made me loose my appetite for two weeks with a fever, stomach aches and nausea. all the symptoms and worry accumulated from a camping trip i went on with my boyfriend, while i loved being with him, it stressed me out because we weren’t at a campsite, there was lightening and we were to far from the car to leave in the night. we barely slept, and left very early, and when we got back from eating a bagel at dunkin i felt extremely nauseous and tired. i’ve always been afraid of getting sick like that, but this caused me extreme distress. my boyfriend and dad sat on my bed with me to make sure i was ok, but it all just was to much for me. finally my boyfriend left and later i was able to fall asleep. after this for the next many days i dealt with the feeling of being ill, and it scared me so much. i feel like that was all such a small event that triggered it and i’m wondering why? i don’t really understand. ever since any inkling of being sick i fall into complete panic, hysterically sobbing and begging my parents to take me to a doctor. in the past i have been prone to convincing myself of many different sicknesses, specifically different cancers. right now all last week again i had a UTI, with a stomach ache all week, i felt better for one day and now i have a cold/flu and before i had a fever of 101-102. i’m so terrified that it’ll go into my stomach, but there is a rational part of me that tells me that by reacting so strongly, i am literally the one making it traumatic. it’s turned to me taking an hour to get dressed because all my outfits will leads to a future where i get sick. i have to wash my hands constantly to make myself feel safe, i can feel a wave of ecstasy like run through me when i wash my hands. it makes it hard to kiss my boyfriend, who tries so hard to support me but i’m afraid to kiss him and get sick from him. i mean i cant but feel like all of this makes me such a weak, insufferable person. i’m really scared to push everyone away from me, but i have lost all control. what do i do? am i overreacting? are my fears stupid? any imput would be so helpful

Hi everyone, asking for prayers, advice, anything…My mom died very suddenly last night. I live in a different state than her and was not able to be there with her. I know that in this case, finding an OCD therapist is crucial especially in this time of crisis but i have to fly out tomorrow to go be with my family and want to focus on one thing at a time. I struggle mainly with pocd and can already feel the warning signs of it flaring up, I’m sure it’s triggered by all the stress I’m feeling but I’m still so extremely confused as to why I’m struggling with this theme during this time, it feels completely unrelated. I’m trying not to give to much importance to the thoughts and feelings im having but it’s hard. I have a lot support from my friends and family and partner so i feel incredibly blessed in that regard. I’m shaken and confused and sad and numb all at the same time. I’ve never lost anyone like this before.

Hi! I am wondering if I am going about this wrong or backwards. I havnt spoken to a therapist and don’t even have a Diagnosis, I am only assuming I may have a form of OCD and well, not even sure if therapy would actually help. Never really thought I needed help. But I am curious about learning about myself more and bettering my self. Anyone have OCD/Hair pulling/ occasional intrusive thoughts? Im not sure if I am even in the right place. Also this took me over three days many restlessness nights and half my afternoon to actually type out….

I’m wondering if anyone has insight. I want to share my exposure successes with someone. (It’s so lonely to do this work alone and nobody knows) I just don’t want to risk reassurance seeking. When is it okay to share with someone I trust? Maybe when my anxiety surrounding the matter is completely gone?

Today it feels real. I have my online boyfriend my current boyfriend who is perfect and right for me that I want to meet and marry soon. I'm tired of these ex thoughts. I don't want to be with my ex or do anything with my ex. I moved on and I'm happy being with my current boyfriend. I don't know what to do. I feel like a traitor and a cheater. Why is this happening why does it feel real. I'm hurt having these ex thoughts while being with my boyfriend. I'm tired of having to fight these ex thoughts time and time again. I love my current boyfriend I would never be with my ex or do anything that involves with my ex. I don't wanna lose my boyfriend. I'm trying everything I can to prove these thoughts that I don't want my ex. I'm hurt I'm lost. I'm this close to even ending my life because I keep having these ex thoughts while calling my boyfriend. I don't wanna view or think of my ex. I wanna think of my boyfriend. I'm scared. I'm tired. I don't wanna lose my boyfriend I don't wanna keep contuining this cycle. I want these ex thoughts to stop once in for all and let me be happy again with my current perfect boyfriend.

Has anyone else’s contamination OCD just gone through the roof since living through a pandemic? I didn’t even realize that’s what it was until the other day. My themes are primarily health and existential… But now I realize it’s also contamination, or at least I think so. I avoid public places, still try not to eat indoors, and if I do, I literally go into a countdown of how many days it’s been since being around people to know when I’m in the “safe zone.” How do y’all deal with it?

Do you guys sometimes think the WORST things? Like SO inappropriate. You know your family wouldn’t want you around or if they knew what you thought they would absolutely think you are sick and not want you to be around their kids or family? Idk I am really convincing myself I am not okay. And this isn’t OCD. I am so scared.

I’ve been sleeping great for the last few months, but just recently I have been having a hard time sleeping at night even if I try to take a nap. So obviously I’m more tired than normal, which makes my ocd worse. Now when I try to fall I sleep i have anxiety flare up and makes it even harder to fall asleep. I’m literally tired trying to fall asleep relaxed and comfortable and can’t. Does anyone else have this problem?

I found a way how to manage with OCD First you have to Change your mind. And think that if you know how to help people with OCD , that means that you know how to manage with it because it Works for you. First of all 1.Go deep inside of you. 2. your Obsession comes from your panic. 2. Your panic makes you anxiety. 3. Learn What should you do to manage with your panic. 4. Do you have Any Story with your heart attact or feeling like your Heart will stop when your Heart accept your Stress that you have? 5. Check your heart with doctor if you have Any medical Problem. 6. If not, Realize that the panic or Stress you have the things is Hard for you And if you manage with it , you just gonna be old earlier then your age. 7. The Stress makes you More closer to be or Look Older. 8. Do not taking the things just you cannot Deal with it. It is harmful for you. 9. Do not try to be responsible too much for Other people feelings. 10. If you do, its gonna affact you seriesly And you will look older More them. 11. Try to increase your dopamin, avoid from Stress And let go the things that you cannot Deal with it. 12. Do not make empathy with all people or Try to take their stress just Try to do make them calm ( if you don’t have Easy Option). 13. Do your all responsibility with time flow to make everything easier for you. 14. Do your things on the right time to not think about them later. 15. It Is not Bad if you say someone that i cannot think about it. The More you think more you anxious, more you feel tried. 16. It doesn’t make you Bad person to Focus only your Life and try to think too much with Other Person. 17. The more you become obssed the more the affact other people. They do not have to take the heavy things with you just for you to feel comfortable. 18. Do not think bad when people doesn’t think with you how to solve your problem. 19. They don’t have to spend their brain function with being anxious because of you. 20. focus more on your response 21. Everything will be happen with your passed experiences. You cannot control the things. 22. Everything in the life is connected there is no suprise. If what you do, even if you don’t want , you will have to take response of your actions. 23. Accept your stress your heart should accept or learn how to accept the things. 24. Leave everyone‘s life if it is not your business. 25. Someone else’s action is not under your control maybe on their head the way how they what to behave you is their own life. 25. If someone wonder about you idea to keep or end with your relationship , you cannot control it again. If they ask you it’s your life too and you can decide yes or not. But if it is without your decision it’s also their life how they want to be as a person, is not your life again. 26. The person had a decided something without your decision is should make you to think that you are not even in their life if they make a decision without communicating with you. And it is little bit selfishness and you can decide actually easily that with this kind of person , your relationship would not go more anyway. It could go more worst. 27. Do not forget! With just assuming you shouldn’t decide the things. It makes you selfish too. You must always communicate with people. 28. say the right things and right time. That’s why if you feel nervous afraid or etc realize your emotions and express it. Do not avoid from that. 29. Do not create or imaginate things by yourself the feeling first comes from other person how they reflect you. By obssing with them makes it more bigger! Just don’t do it yourself. Stay calm! And healthy! ☘️