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I constantly believe that the words “I blas—— the H——G——,” are an unforgivable sin, and I cannot get them out of my head.

I have contamination ocd which has also caused me to have an ed due to the fear of using the bathroom. I only partake in so many calories and liquids every two days so I dont have to go as much . I'm usually bed ridden. If I go to the bathroom once I have to wash my hands 12 times- forearms 12 times- back to hands 12 times total if interrupted due to backslash or phantom feels on my face, clothes, legs, shoulders, etc then I need to bleach my skin, change clothes, and repeat until I am satifisied. My spouse does all the chores while giving me food/water. I'm too afraid without me having to go open the cupboards and be contaminated or else I feel I would have to do my routine shower which takes up to 3 hours total using two whole bars of soap for 1 shower. I also use clorax wipes filled with bleach continuously and can go through 1 whole canister a day. I'm struggling to live. I'm afraid to leave the house. I'm afraid to honestly live. I tried every medication available for me imaginable. I just want to live, go to school, go to the store by myself, pet my cats, be comfortable in my own home, and just be normal. I used to be unbelievably gross I honestly don't know what happened to me. I was the sole cleaner and cook and did all the house work but it drastically changed and I started to spiral out of control mentally. My spouse and I are now platonic and I live in a separate room. If I could I would 1000% get brain surgery because I know this is something I cannot obtain just by myself.

I own my business (social media/business strategy and web design) and have not been able to market myself for the better part of 6 months because of the OCD relapse. I go back and forth between the thought of forcing myself to make more sales because, well, money, and taking a break entirely. Every day is such a roller coaster and I’m so worried that I won’t be able to show up for my clients or if I do launch a group program or something, I just won’t be able to keep up. But at the same time, my savings are starting to dwindle and I will need income soon… Anyone else deal with this? Curious of your experience.

Just got off a call with my new OCD therapist and ERP is so exhausting 😭 Intentionally triggering the anxiety feels so wrong, I know everyone says it’s the gold standard but ugh. My body feels like it’s run a marathon. I just want a vacation from this sh*t. I’m not giving up. Just needed a place to vent and knew you all would understand. Mad respect for those of you who have been doing ERP for years. It’s so hard 🥺

With Harm OCD, is it possible to obsess over a thought so much, that the brain acts it out subconsciously via sleepwalking?

How long do you do them? It just doesn’t feel like I’m doing them right. My level of distress doesn’t seem to change when I do them. It feels like I’m waiting for something to happen, but nothing does. Anyone want to share how you do exposures?

I started therapy a couple weeks ago for relationship ocd. I thought I was doing so good and my therapist is awesome. Yesterday I had the worst triggers, ruminations, and compulsions I’ve ever had. It feels like the ocd has attacked me with everything it has. I guess I’ve pretty much destroyed my relationship with my wife over yesterday and today. I’ve tried to talk to myself, sit with it, etc. I’m feeling like I have no chance of getting better. My mind goes to worse case scenario and the compulsions consume me.

7 years ago I was a raging drug addict. I took any and all kinds of drugs without second thought of consequences. When I had my first child it’s like a switch flipped in my brain. Within her first 6 months of life I had over 12 visits to the ER. I was (still am) constantly afraid of developing a life threatening disease / illness or having a sudden health event (stroke / heart attack / heart failure / brain tumor / cancer ) develop. I’ve seen over 10 Specialist from autoimmune, heart, eyes, neurology , stomach , skin, etc. I’ve got a seemingly well bill of health but I become so hyper aware of every small change within my body. It’s. Constant state of fear and anxiety. Headache = likely tumor / aneurysm , small pain in chest or arm = heart problems , mild cold = covid or some rare disease , etc. Lately, my heart has been my fixation. I was having tachycardia going to the ER 2x a week. EKGs normal, 24hr monitor normal, X-RAY normal. Shortly after I notice my resting heart rate went down as low as 50bpm. I looked through my history over the months and that seems pretty normal for me I just hadn’t noticed before. Now I’ve been worried about my heart for weeks even tho my dr says I’m okay. It’s exhausting to be afraid of sickness and death 24/7. When I get focused on these thoughts it pulls me away from my kids and husband and daily tasks. I either full blown panic or shut down in fear. Anyone else relate? What helps you? I don’t want to rely on medications as I have so many adverse reactions to the 10+ I’ve tried! - oh year here’s another one - I’m afraid of allergic reactions as well I CONSTANTLY fear I will have an allergic reaction to medications / foods or over dose on things like Tylenol and Ibuprofen or mix meds and have reactions.

All I want to do is stay in bed. Lock myself up. Read. Watch TV. And that’s it. I have major depressive disorder along with OCD and PTSD so I guess this is the depression part of my world. It sucks because on days the OCD isn’t too terrible, the depression or trauma is. I feel like I never get a break. I need a vacation from my disorders! Just feeling a little down tonight - anyone feel like chatting?

As a person I have witnessed and been through ALOT when it comes to relationships and dating. I recently just entered a new relationship with somebody and it’s wonderful . But that’s the problem. It’s wonderful. I have been through so many ups and downs with people and family and boys that everything to me feels like a dramatic movie. And I meet this one person in my life who I feel like I can connect with, and I’m terrified. I don’t know how to get the feeling to go away. The fear of is he like everybody else. An example would be three nights ago. I went out with my friends and I was so scared that he was going to be upset with me that I shared my location with him and texted him every five minutes I was out. But he wasn’t upset. I’m scared I’m putting too much on him because I feel like these are my trauma responses. I’m not really for sure why am on this app I just don’t want to control and handle my emotions alone. I need an outside unbiased opinion. In my being too much am I being too scared how do I get these feelings out of my head? how do I get these thoughts out of my head? I need advice and I need assistance.

Im tired of feeling that ill be sick everytime , like if i feel some physical feelings like my stomach hurts or something in my body hurts i start to say maybe its the worst thing maybe im sick and i start to feel afraid , or if i go to gym and feel that some place if my body hurts i start saying that its because of gym and i stop it , i stop a lot of activities in my life because of that thinking im afraid that it will be more , and i dont know what to do , no one care about my feelings no one know what i feel , its kinda bad to feel this alone and to fight this alone , its not easy , i feel that im fighting myself im done 🤧

My name is Josh. I'm 39 years old and I've been dealing with intrusive thoughts for a majority of my life. I was not aware of it until I was in my 20's. I come from a very negative, and abusive childhood. I didn't fully escape the abuse until 4 years ago when I decided to cut my entire immediate family off. It was liberating. Anyway, MY intrusive thoughts very much center around violence and POCD. My very first thought of random violence occurred when I was 9, when my brother was born. Our mother worked at a hospital, and one day we were there for some reason. I took my brother in his stroller over to look out a full body window. I suddenly started having thoughts that I could push him through the window. No reason for it, it just happened. Thus, began my thoughts getting worse from there. I used to really only get violent thoughts towards bullies as the years progressed. I didn't really care because they were people who hurt me in some way. That mainly started with my dad because he was the main source of abuse I endured. It was physical and emotional from the time I was born until I was 16. Those thoughts stuck with me for so long I'm not even sure if I hated them or not. It always bothered me when it would happen to people who did nothing to me. Although violence was my main theme, I was also a checker. I would get awoken in the middle of the night thinking I didn't check the doors or the stoves. I was also extremely afraid of getting STDs from things such as a scratch from a fence. Girlfriends would have to get monthly STD checks, which made my relationships pretty short. That theme made me a hypochondriac up until I was in my late 20's. The POCD is one that is very bothersome to me. I have 4 kids and 3 of them are girls. Only one of those girls are biologically mine. It made it very difficult for me to be embracing with them when they needed because I was afraid my body might react in a way I didn't want. That probably made me look like I didn't care, but I was letting the OCD win. This isn't a topic I'm super ok talking with publicly. My therapist is the only one I feel needs to know much of this one. Well, there's so much more to that story. In the end, I'm a checker. My compulsions make me check all of the time. I've put myself and people in risky situations to try and show myself I'm not what my thoughts make me feel I am. I also have functioning aspbergers, but I'm pretty low on the spectrum. Although, I may be a checker, I've never hurt anyone in anyway shape or form in the name of checking. But, this is long enough now so I'll end here. Thank you for reading!

Everytime I feel like I have a hold on my ocd, I always get that thought of what if you just did it? What if you do feel that way? It makes me feels hopeless and delve deeper into anxiety and worry, should I ignore and stay true to my morals and self or seek help??

So I was diagnosed with ocd last year at 28. I’m fairly sure that my dad also has ocd and maybe my sister too. I am now more comfortable with the diagnosis and I’d say most of my close friends know about it. I think I’m ready to tell some of my family members. But I’m not entirely sure how to go about this. Because I’m also pretty sure my dad and sister have it, I don’t want to come off like “I have this so you must also have this” but I can see how my dad specifically is hurting (he talks about thoughts, impossible to make a decision, certain things have to be done a certain way or else, etc) and I think therapy could be really helpful. I’ve talked with my mom about my mental health before and she’s been supportive. I think I’ll start with her first. And then maybe later I can bring up my dads mental health to her (maybe not in the same convo). I just don’t know how I could bring up my ocd diagnosis to my dad or sister specifically because I haven’t ever talk about my mental health with them Would love to hear any advice or stories of how you’ve talked to family members about this!

Hi guys this if my first post here on my quest to a better life The last 2 years have been massively stressing to me and I lost my marriage to an affair, my dream of becoming a father, my home and have to completely reset my entire life after 13 years of hard work I've now spent almost a year with a new partner who is absolutely wonderful in every way and on paper. My life is the best it's ever been and I know I'm happier then ever So why do I continue to ruminate, and have cropping doubts that I'm not good enough for my new partner on a daily basis. That's the next thing I want to understand about myself These thoughts are obsessive and intrusive and massively effect my mood and emotion on a daily basis. Like today's sprang from a photo of my new partner on an NHS id badge where she had different hair. And after sprial to special it ended up in my head as do I even know the real her and is she happy with me Apologies for the word blirt I guess I'm looking to understand if I'm not crazy. And where/ how I can get help and get this crap under control. And live a happy life Cheers for reading

What can I do when a rumination is based in facts, but there is nothing I can do about the situation? My 10y/o step daughter has confided in me (and only me) suicidal ideation and hopelessness for several years. I tell her parents and they don’t believe me, minimize or take her to one therapy session or give her a new rx. She is constantly in trouble at school, bullies others, lies steals and I see all of it as a cry for help. They tell her to “be good” and “you know how to act” and she’s punished by mom or coddled by dad, but never HELPED. Every time I’m in her presence I can see and feel her anxiety and pain. I told my husband that to me it’s so intense it’s as if she is covered in blood and screaming at me for help, but no one else gets it. He rolled his eyes and told me to “chill”. He won’t even talk to me about it anymore and won’t do anything to help either of us. I have tried everything imaginable under the sun to deal with this, and now I am not able to be in her presence because it’s excruciating for me to see and know I can’t do a thing for her. If I try to speak up for her needs I am told to butt out or it’s “just kids stuff”…. She told me she wants to be hit by a car so maybe someone will love her. That’s not just kids stuff!!

I want to own up to r*pe, I feel as though I done it walking home very intoxicated been over a year and still struggling been diagnosed with depression and always had ocd as a kid but thought i got over it because Ive never had a OCD diagnosis

Hello I have been struggling with ocd since I was 19-20 years old. I am now 29. At first I thought I was mentally insane and it was the scariest time of my life. I never have opened up to anyone about this stuff. Just suffered in silence. I still haven’t shared any of this stuff to anyone in my life because I don’t want them to look at me like I’m a monster. There’s just no possible way for me to explain that without sounding absolutely insane. My ocd has come in waves over the past 9 years. It gets really good and I think it’s gone away but then when I’m having high stress in my life it returns and I feel crazy again. Lately my theme has been thinking I have schizophrenia & looking up all the signs because my ocd has made me feel so crazily insane that I question if it’s even ocd or something else. There’s someone that I work with that I found out has schizophrenia and it completely triggered me back into a nasty cycle of ocd and scared me so bad FOR NO REASON. can someone please relate? I’m also in a relationship and they know nothing about this. I tend to isolate when I feel this way. I have also went through different themes the past 9 years. When I get over one & feel okay about it, another one appears.

For the past few years or maybe all my life I have had OCD with haircuts. Maybe also called perfectionism I don’t know. It affects me so badly that I am constantly checking the length of my hair and both sides have to be symmetrical and also have to be just right. For the past few years I would find myself constantly checking in the mirror and having to fix it or I have a panic attack. By fix it I mean going back and having it cut again and again to try to fix it, when there was probably no issue to begin with. I don’t know how to break this cycle. I know it’s best to do nothing but it’s like an itch I have to scratch. It controls my life to the point of so much anxiety I get stomach issues and can’t function. I cry a lot because I hate the hold it has over me. I am not a vain person but somehow my hair is a trigger for me. I feel so lost and alone and I shake when I have to get my hair trimmed. Last haircut I had was a year ago because I was afraid of it triggering me. I got it cut maybe 3 weeks ago for the first time in a year and it started all over again. The obsession is exhausting. I don’t feel comfortable in my own skin. I just don’t know what to do. I feel like I constantly have to get it fixed by a hairdresser or I can’t function. It’s exhausting. 😭

I have contamination OCD. How am I supposed to do ERP when I feel like there’s poison everywhere? I can’t live like this anymore but ERP is terrifying to me.