Welcome to
the NOCD Community

It took me so much effort to get up out of bed after struggling so much and my dog whoo I love dearly is having stomach issues that has caused a mess (which I stepped in as well) and it's just not one of those days I can not DEALLLLL. I can't ERP it and not clean the mess up how my brain things is logical to clean it up, but I literally don't have it in me to deal with this, i am so threadbare in my energy, I have zero spoons left to give, and I just want to scream. Thatwont help anything though. I also have peopole in my life who are extremely needy of me right now for serious reasons I'd like to be there for them for, and I give whatever I have left energy wise to be there for them, and yet it always seems like I am gnot doing enough. I DO try to communicate that I struggling ... I do my best to honor my needs as well but I literallt cannot do it all, and I certainly feel like I can't deal with this dog sh*t literally too. I wish I could get away from it all and escape to a more peaceful way of being. I am so f-cing sick of my brain. I do all the things to work on it and yet here I still am

Does anyone else suffer from the lack of motivation to do anything but obsess, that they lack the initiative or desire to take care of themselves. Such as proper bathing, etc. I always thought OCD was cleanliness and order, but my life is chaos, anxiety and misunderstandings and conflict in my home life. They think I initiate the conflict, but I only react to how I'm being treated to due to my OCD/anxiety, but they treat me as if nothing is wrong with me and are not supportive at all. Every day is a repeat of the day before. A never ending downward spiral. I'm convinced at times, I've seriously somehow unleashed demons that are oppressing my life and my especially my mind, and it scares me to death. I feel like I'm spiraling towards an abyss and once I plummet into it, I will be lost to true insanity. I used to take such pride in taking care of myself and things. I was constantly tidying, arranging, straightening things out of order. Now it's like, I'm exhausted from being in fight or flight, but I still suffer from the crippling anxiety attacks. Highly agoraphobia, so I leave the house only for doctors appointments and the like. I have no friends. It's a very miserable life. I've lost all hope. I posted a short, yet rambling bio as my first post. Hopefully, someone can relate to it and this post! Hugs to you all, Liz

I ruminate or spiral about my current job and career. Should I stay in my job? Should I leave? Do I even deserve this job? Is this job helping me grow? I constantly think about past job failings or times I felt I was treated unfairly or not respected. I always constantly question if I want to stay in this career at all. What I should study next? Will it even be worth it? Etc... Does this sound like OCD? I end up studying something new but then spiraling and rumination prevent me from putting all my eggs in one basket to follow through. The entire time I was in college...I cried everyday and questioned my career. Before I entered college I spent over 2 years obsessing over what career to choose. What is this???

4 years ago I had hocd with a girl classmate, I was scared of being gay and like her, not so long ago my ocd came back, that thought came back and then changed to another girl, now AGAIN came back, because he changed her style and now have glasses, I can accept she looks pretty, but it started when I was scared of my boyfriend falling in love with her, now I think about her constantly like, having the need to be better than her, I hate this I don't have life, it started today because I dreamed about her chasing my bf.. I want my bf to see that I am in fact prettier and better than her but then, my hocd just comes and tells me it's me who is in love and in denial.. I hate this, I love my boyfriend, I'm not gay and I don't like her.. help does someone knows what's happening???!!?

I’m moving from a group art studio into my own space tomorrow and I can’t sleep. I feel like I’m going to throw up from anxiety and I’m crying because I feel like I’m going to fail before I get started. My friends are excited to help but it feels like I’m taking advantage of them. Everyone wants to see me win but it feels like I don’t deserve it. I feel selfish. I have harm OCD and I’m really struggling with keeping my violent thoughts under control so I can try to sleep so I can be on time tomorrow. I don’t want to ruin the day tomorrow by not waking up on time. It feels like I can’t breathe.

Feeling like I am mourning a bit for all the years of OCD, and for all the days that have been so difficult to get through the day, where I get stopped and have to put in a lot of effort mentally before I can go back to my daily tasks. Ended up in tears tonight. I barely ever cry. In some ways, I feel like death. I am not suicidal. I don’t mean that. But it’s a good description for how I feel. I don’t know what to do with myself. And I don’t know what to do to go forward. No one understands me. I know you all do. But almost everyone does not, and my immediate family does not. They do not know how hard things have been. I am tired of all the effort it takes to get through the day. I am so tired from all my daily effort that I don’t have energy to express myself and how I feel inside. And it seems like no one in this world really cares anyway. I say this not as a pity party, but because it’s true. People don’t care about each other anymore. I don’t know what to do with myself tonight. I am going to go downstairs and eat some food. Then, after I have been sad for a while, I am going to get back into life…This is the decision that I have made. I am tired of never letting anyone know how I feel inside. I am tired of people not understanding. I am tired of all my confusion and my perfectionism. I am tired of my constant fear. I am tired of all the effort it takes to do anything in life because mentally I am trying to keep myself safe. I don’t know what to do with the “tiredness.” It’s there every day. I don’t know how to move beyond my issues. I have constant confusion, overthinking, and fear.

lately i’ve been having pretty bad ocd days but today was definitely one of my worst days. i just feel like such an awful person and the ocd is really eating at me. i try really hard, or i feel like i do sometimes. i try to talk to my mom and she says she understands but she doesn’t- and i hate it. i can’t even get dressed in certain clothing or watch a show i like anymore without ocd interfering. my mind is all over the place and i feel so helpless. i just wish it’d stop.

I just took my 4th shower, maybe my 100h hand wash, I've done laundry twice, I had to clean my glasses a few times. I've basically spent all day on edge and getting tiggered, trying my best to ignore it just to get triggered by something else and spiraling. I haven't stopped moving for 12 hours and I'm not even done yet, my blanket is still in the dryer and I probably need to eat. I needed to clean my four "safe" cups but only managed doing one after not having anything to drink for three or four hours. All I want to do is lay in bed and cry and play animal crossing but my 2DS is dead and my charger is "dirty" and I just don't have it in me to clean anything else if I can help it. :(

I didn't even realize. I'm about to get my period and my anxiety is higher. I'm noticing how my friend hasn't written back to my texts or hasn't answered the last 3 times I called. I think he doesn't want to be my friend anymore. I wrote a text and asked if I did something wrong and he didn't respond. My other friend annoyed me. And I think my other friend doesn't like me that much. I feel abandoned and forgotten and like I must be a bad friend or bad person or why would they all forget me like this. What did I do? Did I take my opinions too far? I've been picking at my skin, having a feeling of unrest. I just watch Netflix and lie on my couch to avoid it. I look okay, but I haven't worked in a year purposefully to find a new way, but I haven't found it yet. I'm doing so much, but it always feels like too little. I tell myself again and again that I'm doing enough, but there's always a voice that says no you're lazy, you're unhealthy and you're just making excuses. I hyperfixate on stupid solutions like blood tests, supplements, genetic testing to explain my symptoms my depression (or is it laziness) my anxiety, my lack of energy, my aches and pains. I quit all drugs and alcohol even caffeine. I track my sleep. I want to feel good. And believe it or not I was thinking I did feel good? Until the afternoon. I don't know. I really hope this is just some fucking b vitamin deficiency and I'll take some pills and be reborn as a human and not a trash pile. Look at me all perfect. With all my career, and my money, and friends who don't like me. Don't I look put together. I'm so imperfect and so scared of anyone finding out. I'm so scared to tell anyone how messed up I am on the inside. I rant to my therapist, my coaches, whoever but I'm just going around in circles. Without support I'd be fucking nuts. Thankfully I pay people to support me. Because no one would for free. Fuck my.life.

when did ocd start for everyone? i remember having some small like perfection things like if i didn’t close my eyes and fall asleep at a certain number then i would die. but at age 12 hocd started and i got groinal repsonsss,guilt,everything. it slowed down then in august picked up at full speed and its awful.

I'm the middle child of 3 siblings. My older sibling is getting married this year, and my younger sibling is working to get into nursing school. And then there's me. The one with the Problems. I feel like my parents deserve a better middle daughter than me. I feel like such a disappointment that they have to put up with me and my constant crying. I hate feeling like I kill the good mood/transfer my bad feelings to them. No matter how many times they comfort me, no matter how much they support me and accept me, I still feel like an annoyance and a burden on them. I feel like a f^cking baby because of my mental health problems. I'm normally unstoppable, and have my own unique strengths and abilities, but THIS is what stops me. Anyone else feel like you're just a dumb, dependent child because of your OCD?

Does anyone have any tips for controlling perfection impulses while folding laundry? Whether it be my husband and I's laundry or my kids' laundry It literally take me 45 minutes just to fold one hamper of clothes because I will stand there and adjust or refold. Everything has to be folded a specific way the same way or I lose my mind if I don't refold it. Everything has to be sorted into category. I just can't stop myself because I know if I don't do it I'll obsess over it until I do something about it. I saw a tip that said to just hold my hand out so I can't see it or something but that doesn't work for me.

Hello , I’m diagnosed with OCD as well as ADD and anxiety and short term memory issues . It’s so much sometimes, I don’t even like going out in public because being around people gives me me anxiety, if I see something out of place wherever I go I have to fix it because it will bother me . I never pick the first thing g from the shelves at the grocery store I will literally reach for the third one from the back . Sometimes I feel crazy and no one understands me . Just want to feel like everyone else .

My OCD began to flare up in my adolescence. It mostly stemmed from a tendency for perfectionism. I’m now 60 years old. Eventually, my symptoms developed into ritualized touching, tapping, and movement. For example, I would have to perform certain activities, such as getting dressed, in symmetrical or specific ways and touching or moving objects, as well as handwriting and typing, in a particular way or a specific number of times until it felt just right. I began seeing psychiatrists 35 years ago and have taken antidepressants since then. I’ve also worked with a clinical psychologist who specializes in OCD and worked with me in doing ERP. My symptoms have flared up since the holidays. I’m wondering if anyone else is dealing with movement and touching compulsions. I look forward to your comments. Thank you!

So I really need to do some cleaning in my room and the mess is so overwhelming that I'm not sure where to start. Like there's trash and clothes all over the floor, there dishes all over my room. Plus my bed is covered in clothes that I can't tell if there clean or dirty. I've tried cleaning by category ( ex trash, laundry, dishes) and it only helps for a few minutes then I get distracted by another task. So does anyone have any advice on where to get started? At this point I'm open to anything.

ERP has been crazy helpful recently, and I'm making a lot of progress. But now that I've mostly dealt with my main theme, I feel like my OCD is trying to pick at every little thing day to day. Does anyone have any advice for dealing with this?

Do I stand at the sink while my daughter washes her hands? She wants me to turn the faucet on and off. She gets mad when I’m not doing exactly what she wants and then ends up washing for an hour or more. Or do I just leave the room and let her do it.

This is my first time in ocd specific therapy, even though I’ve been struggling with it since I was a kid and I just feel like there’s no hope and I won’t be able to tolerate the distress of ERP. My OCD is so wide ranging and convoluted I can’t imagine being able to untangle it and actually make progress. It’s making me miserable and has me trapped in my thoughts but I don’t even know how to verbalize some parts of what I’m experiencing. I’m just checking, reviewing and over analyzing everything in my life constantly. My brain feels like it’s on fire and it takes me days to recover from OCD induced breakdowns. I don’t know if I have it in me to work through this :(

I cleaned for so long and showered for an hour. My hands are so pruney. I hate living like this. I’ve lost hope in myself. I cannot do it. I hate the fact that OCD is curable I hate it. I used to have a good plan for my future. Now I’m just nothing. Two years ago I thought that I would be better but I’m still the exact same. I was going to go to film school, I was going to move out, I had my own car, I graduated high school, was going to a behavioral program for this, and had so much opportunities lined up! But I’m still in the exact same place two years later.

My son has been diagnosed with OCD, but the therapist that we are seeing doesn’t specialize in OCD. They put him on medication that caused severe side effects. After we stopped the medication, they just seem to almost wash their hands of the situation. This is a center with therapists, psychiatrists, an inpatient unit, a detox, a built-in pharmacy, etc. Yet, they can’t help my child unles it’s through medication. I’m fine with meds if they improve quality of life, but they harmed my child when he tried their first line of defense med for OCD in children. The other meds are in the same class, and we just can’t risk what happened to happen again. Just a little while ago my son and his dad were playing a video game. I guess my son hit a wrong button by mistake. This sent him on a loop of having to reset the game a handful of times. He needed my husband to reset his end of the game too. My husband didn’t understand what was happening, and this led to more emotion and frustration from my son. At this point my husband is upset, so I come in to defuse the situation. I’ve learned that the calmer I am, the better. My husband is trying, but he gets overwhelmed with the behavior. This is our life on repeat. I am so afraid for my child. We need help. Does anyone have any advice in dealing with OCD in children. I just want my son comfortable and happy again. Thank you, Christine