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Hi has anyone tried this medication before for OCD? I’ve been on it for just over two weeks and I feel like it’s made my POCD worse. I’m on 150mg btw.

I told my therapist about my childhood, I told her about the things I didn't wanna think about but was always in the back of my mind leaving me with guilt and disgust, I finally talked about those memories of doing things as a kid that I shouldn't have been doing with other kids, even with other kids in my own family. It's always been hard for me to think about because of how disgusting it makes me feel, but I finally had the strength to talk about it I felt so relieved that I said it all out loud, and it turns out I was just an unsupervised and curious child looking for attention from other people my age For a long time this has massively affected my pocd because of how much I think about those times, at the time it felt good but it's conflicting because I was a child back then and so where the others, I thought I was a pedophile for thinking about it so hard, I wanted to apologize to all of the others, although it was all consensual, it was still easier to blame myself fully and in my head I made myself out to be some kind of predator when I wasn't at that age and I'm not one now, I just felt guilty. Guilty about exposing the others to things that I was exposed to by other kids. I think the worst thing that came out of it for me was when I was chatting with someone on Omegle and they told me to do something very inappropriate even though they knew how old I was and I did it, even though I knew I shouldn't have, and then they just left. I still struggle with pocd, I get triggered when people make jokes about me, implying that I'm a predator (me and my friends make obviously bad jokes to each other and exaggerate, they'd never actually call me or anyone that lightly, just to make things clear because I know that sounds AWFUL but it's like "oh you like this kids show? Guess you must be a pedo😵‍💫🤢" and wed say it in an obviously stupid way to let everyone know that it's a joke and it's kinda like mocking people that actually say things similar to that, I'm sorry for explaining the joke too much this probably makes it look even worse than it is 😭😭) And I get highly defensive, and then I think that everyone thinks that I'm a predator like I just did with that little rant explaining a stupid joke, even now It's still hard because I never want people to misunderstand me, I always try to clarify what I say and make sure I can't possibly be misunderstood, probably to an obsessive extent which is why there's an O in POCD lol It WILL get easier for me, and hopefully one day I won't feel like I'm on trial all the time because of my own brain, I will admit though, it was hard admitting this on a public platform, but I have to remember that people are more understanding than I give them credit for, if I saw a post like this then I'd understand, so I'm sure other people will too, and if they don't? I can always obsessively explain everything I said in detail!!

It's been 9 months that I've been ruminating on this memory. I really need some help figuring this one out... it's more so about did I do something wrong and I am losing sleep over something I did... I'm sure we all know with Pure O and "me time" (if you get my hint) there comes a lot of shame. About 9 months ago I had some "me time" in the morning before getting up to start off my day with my sister who I live with. I was fantasizing about a fictional character as I'm sure others do (it's pretty common) and after I was done I panicked because I didn't want my sister to know or even suspect that I was having some "me time" . Before I even walk out of my room to greet her I try to calm myself down both from the anxiety of her finding out and the "high" I guess you could say. I went to use the bathroom to wash my hands and to continue to try calming down. At this point, I feel like I might've started to have a silent anxiety attack but I'm not sure because I couldn't concentrate all that well on what my sister was talking to me about while making breakfast and my fear is that I was still sort of in a daze after the "me time" and between the anxiety about her even finding out what I was doing, I don't know if this whole morning was a really just an anxiety attack or if i am a pervert or if my OCD brain is trying to just ruminate on it to confuse me. Please I need some input. It's getting to the point where I am losing sleep.

Can pocd be movements to? Or is it strictly thoughts only, recently I had a thought and a groinal response and it felt good? So I moved into a position again to get the same feeling? I know that’s disgusting can someone please respond

i dont ask for reassurance all the time but omg i just remembered when i had this thought(intentional) about what if the guy that confessed that he liked me worked out, we were in 3rd grade that time and i remembrr having the thought that he was handsome or sumshit or like i admire him and like his personality. i dont really remember when i had this thought but it feels recent (probably thid year) mind you, im 17 now and i know deep down that there was never an intention of me reminiscing because he was a kid, infact it didnt even cross my mind that he was (in my imagination) but now that i realized it i feel so guilty because why am i thinking about something that happend when i was a kid. i feel really disgusted pls answer me.

If I was 13 years old, and I made a severely horrible childhood POCD mistake that I was told about earlier in the day, but had forgotten about it because I had never heard of that mistake or done it before, should I be punished for it as a 23 year old?Does it make the intrusive thoughts true? I'm getting anxious from my POCD and real event OCD based on real events (3 times) from when I was 13…… I don't ever want to ever be a P at all… I don't ever want to ever be a Chomo at all... i don’t ever want to ever be a rapist at all… I was 13 when these real events happened and now I'm 22... I've asked my mom about this so many times and every time she tells me that it's not serious anymore, that she doesnt remember it, that the person is okay, and that I'm not a rapist or a P or a chomo... I was told what this word was, but I had forgotten it... I did not have full knowledge or full understanding on how horrible this mistake was... I was 13 at the time… now I’m 20… my POCD and real event OCD call me a P or a chomo because of the real events… while my mom reassures me all the time that it’s all over, that it’s not serious anymore, that the person is okay, and that I’m not a P or a rapist or a chomo, but when I was doing compulsive research, I remember when I saw a post on a non OCD forum about someone’s similar situation to mine and two people said to the person that they mlested and that they needed  to turn themselves in… I don’t ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way shape or form… i didn’t know how horrible the real events were when I was 13… I really didn’t… and after the real events I never did anything like that ever again, and I never once ever thought (before, and after) about doing stuff with kids in any way shape or form... I never once fantasized about kids or wanted to do anything with kids… I was 13 and didn’t realize how horrible the actions were at the time and I never did it ever again… I never once fantasized about kids before or after the real event… I don't ever want to ever harm a child in any way shape or form... I seriously don't ever want to do that to any child in any way shape or form and I seriously don't ever want to do anything like that to any kid now or in the future… I never have had any fantasies about kids and I don't ever want to... I don't ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way shape or form... I was 13….. and after the real events I never did anything like that ever again, and I never once ever thought (before, and after) about doing stuff with kids in any way shape or form... I never once fantasized about kids or wanted to do anything with kids…  I was 13 and didn’t realize how horrible the actions were at the time and I never did it ever again… I never once fantasized about kids before or after the real event… And it’s comparing me to actual P’s and chomo’s who did stuff from 12-15… and making me think I’m a P and a Chomo because of it… I don’t ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way… 😭😭😭 and I get intrusive thoughts of people calling me a P and a chomo and me getting arrested… I don’t ever want to ever be a P or a chomo… the real events happened only 3 times and I really didn’t know how horrible it was… I don’t ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way… I don’t want to ever be attracted to or harm kids in any way… 😭😭😭  It’s making me feel like I know I’m a P or a chomo when I don't ever want to ever be those things… I perform avoidance compulsions all the time and I don’t want to be anywhere around kids… even accidentally standing next to one makes me feel incredibly uncomfortable and anxious… it’s making me feel like that I know I’m what my POCD and real events OCD are telling me even when a former ocd psychiatrist has told me that the real events don’t make me a P or a chomo… In addition it’s making me feel like I’m what my ocd tells me that I am… I didn’t know how horrible the real events were at the time when I was 13… I really didn’t… my POCD and real events OCD keeps calling me a P and a Chomo for what happened when I was 13 when I didn’t know what any of that stuff was… I truly didn’t know how horrible the real events were when I was 13… I really didn’t…  It’s making me think I am a rapist because of the real events too… my POCD just keeps telling me that I’m a P or a chomo or in worst case a child rpist when I don’t ever want to ever be those things in any way 😭😭😭

I tried. I just broke down crying cause it feels too real and I feel l should just accept it that this is who I am. Maybe it’s not real but it feels real so it has to be. I keep having thoughts saying “yes I want it” but it just makes me more sad and wanna cry more. I can’t think of the things I do want. The things that used to comfort me and used to make me happy. What happened to those things? Why can’t I be ok? What’s wrong with me? Why does it feel like I am that person? I mean I’ve read and seen things about pedos having anxiety cause of who they are, so what if I feel this way because of that. There’s something wrong with me. Nothing feels ok and I know made this whole post about letting my mind go but none of this feels right. It’s like I’m just waiting for something to just give but it won’t. I kinda wish someone would just tell me “sorry but it does sound like you are a pedo”. Which is terrible but constantly having everyone say I’m not feels so frustrating cause of how much it already feels real. Maybe me posting this is reassurance seeking, or maybe it’s some big manipulation thing I’ve been doing cause somehow that makes sense. Idk anymore. I took melatonin and plan on having a very shitty nights rest for the rest of this inevitably shitty week. I’m sorry.

(Tw: thoughts related to zocd and pocd) I have done horrible stuff when I was 9 years old. These events have made my brain go back to them every chance they’ve got no matter what I do to distract myself from them. I am a victim myself during this time also. I’ve already held myself accountable but it’s still eating me up. I am definitely a changed person ofc.

Ive been told that I have POCD bc I was molested as a kid. By two practitioners (therapists who treat ocd/trauma). Im not sure I buy this. What do you think?

Hi everyone, I am 20 years old with ADHD and i need some help. Recently, i got diagnosed with OCD; and i am dealing with Real event OCD/intrusive thoughts. When i was 16, i said something out loud (i think that was impulsive/intrusive) that was immorally wrong and against my morals. I was aware of my wrong doing, yet i still said it because i announced it in a “jokingly way” i completely regret it and ashamed of it. i don’t want to go into detail on what i said, because i don’t feel comfortable. But anyways, at the time i didn’t think what i said was “bad” and i just brushed it off to the side. then 1-2 months later, i came to the realization, that what i said was wrong. Since then, i have been fixated on the event as i feel like a “bad person”. What is wrong with me? Why would i say that? I feel like i don’t deserve pity or forgiveness. I don’t know what to do. I am not trying to find reassurance. I just want to find people who share similar experiences.

I’m having a really rough morning. I woke up around 2 am and since then (it’s 10 now) it’s been one obsession after another. I’ve been doing compulsions but now I’m trying to sit in the discomfort. I wanted to talk about one of the themes though. I feel I can do this because it doesn’t make me anxious to think about not doing it, so I don’t think it’s a compulsion for me. I’m thinking about being on social media and wondering if I ever talked to somebody, followed somebody, allowed somebody to follow me, etc., that was underage, or even 18, 19, 20. I have incredibly bad POCD. I’m 23 now and have no interest having any sort of romantic, sexual, or platonic relationship with anyone under 21, but I worry about little things I end up doing not being okay, and I worry about crossing a line. But being on social media, I’m bound to come across people who are basically children. If it’s apparent to me someone’s young, I try to avoid it, but there’s no way I can possibly always know that. I also didn’t keep track when I was younger so seeing a video from a 15/16 year old when I was 20 didn’t phase me, but I feel like it should’ve. There’s only so much I can do to avoid this. I can put an age limit in my bio, private my accounts, try to clear out anybody I suspect is underage or just everybody I don’t know and who doesn’t have an age in their bio, but it seems easier to just avoid social media all together. This seems logical, I don’t want to communicate with minors or anyone under 21 that I don’t know. But I wonder what people that are famous on tiktok or YouTube do. I don’t think they think they’re pedophiles, but I seriously feel like one and I feel like no matter what, I’m gonna do something wrong with kids in my life. It’s wrong to look at them, think of them, talk about them. I feel disgusting and I’m really suffering. And I think some of this is an overreaction and just OCD but then I’ll see something online that reinforces some of what my brain is telling me and I wanna throw up. I understand a lot of what people say is crossing a line and I would never want to do that, but something feels off and I can’t find balance and I’m terrified.

And welcome to today's segment of "what the fuck did I just read?". Okay jokes aside my brain is a prison and comedy is how I cope. I remember when I was maybe 12 I watched this episode of family guy where Peter Griffin rides a bull and it ends up violating him and heres the more fucked up part. I'm scared I acted in some questionable things if you know what I mean to that episode. Hence the zoophile title. I know that makes me sound like a total piece of shit and I feel like I am. I would like to preference by saying that I have pets and I'm definitely not attracted to them. I feel like this may be a false memory type of thing because I remember having the same memory of maybe I did that but it didn't bother me as much. Which makes me feel like I didn't do that? Because if I had a younger memory and came to the conclusion that I probably didn't do that wouldn't that go in favor of not doing it? I don't fucking know. I'm also moving and I've noticed a common theme of when I'm going through life changes my OCD flares up. I'm not even entirely sure why I'm writing this. I'm hoping once I'll type it out I'll realize how ridiculous this sounds and I'll feel better but so far...nothing. I'm seriously considering taking up alcoholism as a profession because what the fuck else am I supposed to do. This app genuinely helps though. It makes me feel less alone knowing lots of other people are going though this shit and if you're still mentally stable I applaud you. I dunno. I guess I'm just writing this to hopefully help someone else feel less alone too. Anyways I suck, OCD sucks and I think I'm a total piece of shit!. I did just now go back and watch that clip and I remember it differently which makes me feel like I'f I did do something to myself if you know what I mean it may have been to something else entirely. But again I'm really just posting this to hopefully help someone else out. And some feedback would be helpful too on wether or not you think I'm a zoophile as well. Tip you're friendly neighborhood OCD ridden spiderman I'll be here for the long run.

does anyone else feel like their life is ran by OCD right now? Can’t have “me time” , can’t simply change my kid , can’t play with my kid without feeling like something is gonna happen. i’m crying right now about it and sometimes I just wanna give my daughter up for adoption just so I know it’s not gonna happen. but that’s gonna hurt me too so I won’t be entirely free , WHAT DO I DO??? help ….

Its a very anxious night for me as a parent. I went to tuck my child in and i worried with groinal responses i still hugged my child goodnight than worried did i brush up or lean toward them inappropriately and then she was sad i was leaving. I wanted another hug so i hugged her again and ocd tried saying i had bad intent. Its so exhausting fighting ocd as a parent in distress

Im actually confused is this an intrusive thoughts? when im doing something it feels like my brain is monitoring how i think how i feel or what i say. it would say things like these and i would fall into problem solving, trying to fix or clear any doubts my brain has or clearing out my intention. “ Did you feel anything when you looked at that kid?” “Why did you have that thought? you probably liked it” “Why did you accidentally say that? even though you said you didnt mean to say it, you still said it” (not verbally, still mental) “When you said the person is cute does that mean you see a kid in them? youre probably a pedo because of that” “what do you feel about their younger version?” “what did you think or feel during the interaction?” Sometimes these thoughts would come up to question me and would result into mentally checking what i thought or what i feel when something happend. Or like sometimes a feeling would come or a thought would come, this would make me question myself as to why i had that thought or feeling. Again this would result in me mentally checking or trying to fix or prove that i didnt even mean anything bad or trying to convince myself that its just ocd. I know i should but i feel like i really should clear it up, but at the same time i feel like im doing a compulsion. these are thoughts that questions my intention or why im having a thought at a certain moment which sometimes would come with feelings and make it look like its real which is why i fall in mental compulsions

If I was 13 years old, and I made a severely horrible childhood POCD mistake that I was told about earlier in the day, but had forgotten about it because I had never heard of that mistake or done it before, should I be punished for it as a 23 year old?Does it make the intrusive thoughts true? I'm getting anxious from my POCD and real event OCD based on real events (3 times) from when I was 13…… I don't ever want to ever be a P at all… I don't ever want to ever be a Chomo at all... i don’t ever want to ever be a rapist at all… I was 13 when these real events happened and now I'm 22... I've asked my mom about this so many times and every time she tells me that it's not serious anymore, that she doesnt remember it, that the person is okay, and that I'm not a rapist or a P or a chomo... I was told what this word was, but I had forgotten it... I did not have full knowledge or full understanding on how horrible this mistake was... I was 13 at the time… now I’m 20… my POCD and real event OCD call me a P or a chomo because of the real events… while my mom reassures me all the time that it’s all over, that it’s not serious anymore, that the person is okay, and that I’m not a P or a rapist or a chomo, but when I was doing compulsive research, I remember when I saw a post on a non OCD forum about someone’s similar situation to mine and two people said to the person that they m*lested and that they needed  to turn themselves in… I don’t ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way shape or form… i didn’t know how horrible the real events were when I was 13… I really didn’t… and after the real events I never did anything like that ever again, and I never once ever thought (before, and after) about doing stuff with kids in any way shape or form... I never once fantasized about kids or wanted to do anything with kids… I was 13 and didn’t realize how horrible the actions were at the time and I never did it ever again… I never once fantasized about kids before or after the real event… I don't ever want to ever harm a child in any way shape or form... I seriously don't ever want to do that to any child in any way shape or form and I seriously don't ever want to do anything like that to any kid now or in the future… I never have had any fantasies about kids and I don't ever want to... I don't ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way shape or form... I was 13….. and after the real events I never did anything like that ever again, and I never once ever thought (before, and after) about doing stuff with kids in any way shape or form... I never once fantasized about kids or wanted to do anything with kids…  I was 13 and didn’t realize how horrible the actions were at the time and I never did it ever again… I never once fantasized about kids before or after the real event… And it’s comparing me to actual P’s and chomo’s who did stuff from 12-15… and making me think I’m a P and a Chomo because of it… I don’t ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way… 😭😭😭 and I get intrusive thoughts of people calling me a P and a chomo and me getting arrested… I don’t ever want to ever be a P or a chomo… the real events happened only 3 times and I really didn’t know how horrible it was… I don’t ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way… I don’t want to ever be attracted to or harm kids in any way… 😭😭😭  It’s making me feel like I know I’m a P or a chomo when I don't ever want to ever be those things… I perform avoidance compulsions all the time and I don’t want to be anywhere around kids… even accidentally standing next to one makes me feel incredibly uncomfortable and anxious… it’s making me feel like that I know I’m what my POCD and real events OCD are telling me even when a former ocd psychiatrist has told me that the real events don’t make me a P or a chomo… In addition it’s making me feel like I’m what my ocd tells me that I am… I didn’t know how horrible the real events were at the time when I was 13… I really didn’t… my POCD and real events OCD keeps calling me a P and a Chomo for what happened when I was 13 when I didn’t know what any of that stuff was… I truly didn’t know how horrible the real events were when I was 13… I really didn’t…  It’s making me think I am a rapist because of the real events too… my POCD just keeps telling me that I’m a P or a chomo or in worst case a child r*pist when I don’t ever want to ever be those things in any way 😭😭😭

firstly im not privileged enough for a diagnosis but i am not the type to just label myself as such, when i had the symptomps i knew there was something wrong with me thats when i searched if such things are normal and it all lead to me having ocd, i wasnt really familiar with ocd back then so i didnt belive that i had it cause i thought its only about physical related obsessions (washing hands, repetitive behaviours etc.) i would get this thoughts that are unwanted and find myself hyperfixating on it and rationalizing my thoughts but in the end ill just keep doubting myself its so bad to the point that it would last months the first time it happend was last year i was in a relationship and experienced rocd where i doubted if i was really loyal to my partner id get this thoughts abt other guys and worry that im being unfaithful. i would research abt things to see if its normal and such and find reassurance that would only work temporarily and then doubt myself all over again. this is just an idea of what i was struggling with but it was more complex than this. that resulted with me breaking up with him. it stopped my ocd. but i got into a relationship again, i was pretty confident because i thought i knew better but guess what it happend again and i had to break up with him again because i was so scared of my own thoughts making me doubt myself. but now i have new obsessions and its pocd and i cant do anything about it to make it go away i honestly feel so disgusted everytime i have thoughts related to kids and i feel so guilty about it. i know deep down that i really have ocd since i relate to every videos about ocd since it EXACTLY explains my situation. like unwanted intrusive thoughts and obsessing about it, constant doubts, trying to fix or ruminate about the thought, having to do something that would make me feel at ease (compulsion) so please help me, i would really want to go to a therapist but i have to explain to my parents first but i feel like they wont bleieve that much and im also starting to doubt myself because of it.

I keep spiraling into these “what if” thoughts, particularly about things I might have done to family members in the past ( like what if i s@’d them), which I honestly don’t remember. Out of concern, I asked a friend to check in with my little brother about whether I'd ever made him uncomfortable (they asked him over text), but the response wasn’t what I hoped for (he told me my friend was asking some questions and how they thought i was a bad person). I also left my brother a note, but he never answered. I feel completely lost. I genuinely want to talk to a therapist about these feelings and the guilt that’s consuming me, but my parents are hesitant due to a previous therapy session where I shared too much about our family dynamics. Right now, I’m feeling isolated and worried about what I might have done in the past, and these thoughts are affecting my daily life and with school coming back i dont think i can honestly do it anymore.  I’m even having some dark thoughts and contemplating overdosing. Idk how to cope or honestly if i want to if my “what if” thoughts are real i know noone would want me alive its honestly disgusting My parents told me they would’ve known if I did or my baby cousins parents but I can’t stop thinking like what if I just did it in secret and they didn’t know or what if I did it and I forgot and they forgot idk what to do I feel at a loss.

I hate pocd so much… I hate it so much. I just want to be happy but this will never let me be happy. Idk if i only have pocd but my mind makes me think that i’m attracted to anyone I get close to. My mind doesn’t care how inappropriate it is. I hate this so much. I live with my family and I never go out. I’m stuck here with my thoughts and the people who trigger the thoughts. I hate saying that I feel so disgusting. I feel like a horrible disgusting person. I wanna live a happy life but I know itll never happen. I don’t want to kill myself but I wish I could just die. I just want it all to end. I don’t understand what caused this. Why me. I do believe that I can be a bad person sometimes. I’m so rude to my mom and I have a bad temper and no patience. I hate myself for it and I always try to blame my dad because he acted that way my whole childhood. What if this is my karma. I hate this so much. I wish I could just go to sleep and wake up without an ocd thought. Sometime I think about taking medication but i’ve seen people struggle with choosing the right one. And I’ve seen people taking them still struggle. This will truly never end. What if while taking medication the thoughts are still there and it was never ocd. Im so scared.

Hey everyone, I'm hoping to share my story in hopes of finding some understanding and maybe some advice. When I was around 8-10 years old, my older brother showed me something explicit that impacted me deeply. Fast forward to ages 13-14, and I started having some confusing feelings and impulses related to smelling and licking underwear belonging to my brother and dad. No matter how hard I’ve tried, I can't seem to shake off those thoughts or these behaviors. Things took a turn for the worse when I made a mistake involving some inappropriate photos from a friend. I sent pictures of my friend's behind because I was trying to impress someone and wanted photos from a 17-year-old I was interested in (i would also beg for photos from him). Unfortunately, He  later told me that he had manipulated me the whole time, keeping me in a "loop of mystery." Honestly my overtly sexual behavior over text caused rifts in my friendships (even though I'm so shy in person), and while some people managed to forgive me, there’s still one friend who's upset and won’t let it go (rightfully so honestly) Since then, I’ve struggled to connect with people at school, as I’ve been overly flirtatious and it seems to have made others uncomfortable. The guilt from these moments is overwhelming, and I think it might have triggered something like obsessive-compulsive disorder (though I haven’t seen a doctor yet). I keep spiraling into these “what if” thoughts, particularly about things I might have done to family members in the past ( like what if i s@’d them), which I honestly don’t remember. Out of concern, I asked a friend to check in with my little brother about whether I'd ever made him uncomfortable (they asked him over text), but the response wasn’t what I hoped for (he told me my friend was asking some questions and how they thought i was a bad person). I also left my brother a note, but he never answered. I feel completely lost. I genuinely want to talk to a therapist about these feelings and the guilt that’s consuming me, but my parents are hesitant due to a previous therapy session where I shared too much about our family dynamics. Right now, I’m feeling isolated and worried about what I might have done in the past, and these thoughts are affecting my daily life and with school coming back i dont think i can honestly do it anymore.  I’m even having some dark thoughts and contemplating overdosing. Idk how to cope or honestly if i want to if my “what if” thoughts are real i know noone would want me alive its honestly disgusting My parents told me they would’ve known if I did or my baby cousins parents but I can’t stop thinking like what if I just did it in secret and they didn’t know or what if I did it and I forgot and they forgot idk what to do I feel at a loss.