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the NOCD Community

Hi has anyone tried this medication before for OCD? I’ve been on it for just over two weeks and I feel like it’s made my POCD worse. I’m on 150mg btw.

Hi everyone, I am 20 years old with ADHD and i need some help. Recently, i got diagnosed with OCD; and i am dealing with Real event OCD/intrusive thoughts. When i was 16, i said something out loud (i think that was impulsive/intrusive) that was immorally wrong and against my morals. I was aware of my wrong doing, yet i still said it because i announced it in a “jokingly way” i completely regret it and ashamed of it. i don’t want to go into detail on what i said, because i don’t feel comfortable. But anyways, at the time i didn’t think what i said was “bad” and i just brushed it off to the side. then 1-2 months later, i came to the realization, that what i said was wrong. Since then, i have been fixated on the event as i feel like a “bad person”. What is wrong with me? Why would i say that? I feel like i don’t deserve pity or forgiveness. I don’t know what to do. I am not trying to find reassurance. I just want to find people who share similar experiences.

Its a very anxious night for me as a parent. I went to tuck my child in and i worried with groinal responses i still hugged my child goodnight than worried did i brush up or lean toward them inappropriately and then she was sad i was leaving. I wanted another hug so i hugged her again and ocd tried saying i had bad intent. Its so exhausting fighting ocd as a parent in distress

I hate pocd so much… I hate it so much. I just want to be happy but this will never let me be happy. Idk if i only have pocd but my mind makes me think that i’m attracted to anyone I get close to. My mind doesn’t care how inappropriate it is. I hate this so much. I live with my family and I never go out. I’m stuck here with my thoughts and the people who trigger the thoughts. I hate saying that I feel so disgusting. I feel like a horrible disgusting person. I wanna live a happy life but I know itll never happen. I don’t want to kill myself but I wish I could just die. I just want it all to end. I don’t understand what caused this. Why me. I do believe that I can be a bad person sometimes. I’m so rude to my mom and I have a bad temper and no patience. I hate myself for it and I always try to blame my dad because he acted that way my whole childhood. What if this is my karma. I hate this so much. I wish I could just go to sleep and wake up without an ocd thought. Sometime I think about taking medication but i’ve seen people struggle with choosing the right one. And I’ve seen people taking them still struggle. This will truly never end. What if while taking medication the thoughts are still there and it was never ocd. Im so scared.

Does anyone else struggle with a fear of sex/sex avoidance? I’m 23 and have dated quite a bit yet when it comes to having sex, I always pull the brakes before it can happen. I’m too scared of the intrusive thoughts and that having sex would confirm my fears. It’s ruining my ability to have meaningful romantic relationships. I feel like I’m completely alone in this. :// It’s not normal to avoid sex like I do.

hey has anyone ever had like groinal responses but it always happens at weird times? Like when someone is fighting, when ur mad, or when ur stressed out. i’m scared i get turned on by bad things happening. my parents just fought and my mind keeps trying to tell me that them doing that makes me happy and then i got a groinal response. really struggling with this lately.

My Ocd turns everything innocent and normal into something horrible. Sometimes when my daughter and I are watching tv she will want to play with and brush my hair. It feels so nice and relaxing or she will cuddle up and rub her feet on mine which is relaxing and makes me feel sleepy but ocd ruins it by telling me it’s inappropriate and that i’m enjoying something inappropriate. One day I saw a snapchat video my young grandson made of himself just out of the shower looking at himself shirtless in the mirror and I was thinking that he thinks he’s so cool and is probably going to flex like all boys do and laughed to myself but then the ocd kicked in and said that I was attracted to him and it made me so upset because I never have and don’t think of any child in that way. I don’t feel that way so how can ocd try to make me believe that I do?? How can ocd be more powerful than my own actual thoughts and feelings? This disorder is so debilitating and upsetting. I can’t live like this.

Also just now someone messaged me with 17 comments and i couldnt see them... im so scared they think i did something inappropriate and horrible when i dont ever want to ever groom, or be inappropriate with minors in any way...

very scared and worried i hurt/did something bad to my baby cousin while he was growing up and scared did something to a young family friend when i was growing up. idk how to move past without having answers but I never will get one. how do i even FEEL like im a decent or good person if there’s a chance i did something bad like this growing up? i was very hyper sexual as a kid and did try to touch other kids my age and also did weird things out of curiosity. i also did have things done to me as a kid by other kids idk if by any adults. I’m just scared.

It’s all becoming too much. Im scared that maybe I am just insane and crazy and I don’t deserve to be loved or to live because of my past actions that are disgustingly repulsive. What if im just using OCD as an excuse? I cant stop thinking about it and its making me depressed because im scared that I am just a terrible human being.

Please share your stories! I have really bad real event, false memory and POCD. I’m struggling a lot right now feeling undeserving, feeling like everything I’ve ever done in my life was meticulously calculated. Funny thing about OCD is even if I see someone do something way worse than me, it won’t phase me unless I’d done it. For example, something minor I did that really could mean nothing, my OCD convinces me it proves my ocd right. In light of the disordered times, I’d like to ask for someone to share their ocd recovery story, maybe some tips and how they did it. It’s feeling pretty impossible for me right now. Thank you!

so I've been trying to do what my therapist said while she's on vacation for a few weeks and do some of my routine exposures. One of them is watching tv and not looking away when there is children on screen. I tried sitting through a preview of a shows first episode that featured a young girl in a Victorian outfit with blonde hair, and he had very ghostly white skin and powder pink lips. It was a ghost show, which is the kind of genre I usually like, so I wanted to try and enjoy the clip. And my therapist always told me to "not appraise the thoughts, our goal isn't to avoid them, but to let them pass" but as I kept watching, I kept getting mental voices telling me that "she's pretty you want to kiss her" and I felt almost frozen in my seat? I felt a kind of anxiety I haven't felt in years, but I tried to continue to watch the clip and let it pass, but I couldn't. I felt this mental need to go back and "check" to really be sure if I was attracted to her, I pictured kissing her and idk if it even counts as an intrusive thought atp? I felt like if I were to have the thought and then prove myself I was grossed out by pushing it away I would feel better, but it didnt. My brain just kept telling me that I wanted her and it was very much on purpose to test to see whether I felt that way or not and it did and I kept feeling that horrible form of anxiety that makes your face hot and I don't think I was really TRUELY attracted to her but it's like a fucked up twisted form of attraction that's false but feels real at the same time? Idk if that makes sense... idk, I'm trying my best but I feel like I NEED to think the thoughts, letting them pass isn't enough. Or like the thought will stick in my brain and it'll keep going like a mini movie playing in my head and it feels like almost like I'm fantasizing even though that isn't what I want to do. I feel like I have no choice but to push them away or else I'll have a horrible realization... idk... I've been struggling with this for 5 years now. I don't even know how to properly articulate how I feel in those moments it's so confusing that I don't know how to describe it to my therapist. How do people just lable their feelings on things so effortlessly? Why is it so hard for me? Idk I don't really want reassurance bc it won't help but I just want to feel like I'm not alone in this.

I’m actually convinced I’m a p…. I feel as though I’m a fraud faking to myself and everyone around me. I feel like I shouldn’t deserve to have friends or be around anyone because I am a p. Every thing I see, hear, it could be not child related, or it could, 24/7 I am getting intrusive thoughts saying these things to me. I get groinal responses that make it worse. I cry everyday. This has gotten so much worse. I am so sad. I don’t know what to do with myself I really want to give up. I just miss being a little kid, oblivious to the bad around me and I didn’t question if I was a bad person 24/7 all the time. I hate this so so bad I feel like I’m a bad person who doesn’t deserve anything in life, I don’t even feel like I deserve my family or to have a family of my own in the future.

Hi I recently just turned 21 and found out I have hocd, I don’t know what triggered it to become this bad but I have intrusive thoughts that come in, and don’t know how to manage or make them go away. I’m also starting therapy next week, so any advice in the meanwhile would be greatly appreciated

Should you never answer the triggering questions that arise from triggering experiences? The questions that OCD ask, or better, the answers that it demands? That make you want to review the memory of that trigger and give it a solution an answer. Like yesterday I had a very triggering thought process and I needed to review it, to understand what it really meant, if they were real thoughs or OCD's, if I liked those thoughts or they were just hypotethical etc. but at the end I didn't do it as a challenge. So should we ignore the calls in any circumstance even if they are really important? Even if the answers to that questions could actually be positive? Even if the triggering that happened doesn't feel like a lie from OCD but something that seems very true and real? That seems so real that there is no space for the hypothesis of an intrusive thought? Even if you feel like maybe you could have been attracted, and that feeling felt so true and real that it is undistinguishable, that you can't even reassure yourself thinking that it was just triggering, should we deny the call still? Should we allow uncertainty to be even if it doesn't feel like it is actually uncertain? maybe it is distorsted in our mind and we think that we're attracted when we are not. Maybe it's because we are so deep in this theme that everything, like attraction, feels very realistic, but it is not actually real.

I have pocd and i’ve started feeling better about the whole thing but I can never fully get over it. I don’t have panic attacks over the intrusive thoughts anymore, but I can’t help but feel so grossed out and whisper “ugh i hate myself, i wanna kms” to myself. It’s like every time i start feeling happy about anything, I get reminded of the fact that I have disgusting thoughts that I shouldn’t and I can stop thinking about how it’ll affect my future. What if it gets worse. What if I get in a relationship and he wants kids. I don’t ever want to have kids and I don’t ever want to explain to my s/o what i’m going through. What if my ocd gets really serious like it was last year but I won’t be able to get help because I can’t tell anyone. Ik others without ocd will never understand. Sometimes I really wish that I die so that I don’t have to deal with that. But I want to live and enjoy life. I want to travel and fall in love and have a family, but Ik my ocd will never let me be happy.

If there is anyone hete that has made it through this, how does one manage the fear of the intrusive thoughts being true when trying to do erp? it terrfiies me to my core and gives me a overwhelming amount of anxiety to a point where i developed ocd tics and freeze. Its very scary but i really want and need to get better. Any advice?

I have compulsions I did 10 years ago because of my pocd that still haunt me today. How do I forgive myself and move on?

I was doing so good the last few months. I was beginning to be social again, hang out with friends, watch tv and listen to music, and suddenly it feels like I’m back in square one. I watched a triggering TikTok, I turned 29 recently, I got drunk, and feel like I’m going through a flare. I’ve been here before, but it’s so scary when you’re in the thick of it. I don’t want to be bisexual or a lesbian. There’s nothing wrong with it, I have queer friends and they’re amazing. It’s just not what I want. OCD makes me feel like I’m in denial or that I’m lying to myself. I will get through this. It’s just so hard, the doom feeling of what if I have to rely on my family and never find a career or get married because of this.

i've always loved kids and they bring me so much joy and light and laughter into my life, i was an infant teacher at a daycare for years before going to college. i've always wanted a family , a husband, kids, a cat (already have my baby boy kitty witty), a nice dog or two in a nice house with a job i love or to stay at home with the kids blah blah blah . now that i've been struggling with HOCD i'm terrified. i'm scared that if i have children one day i'm gonna go into psychosis and act on intrusive thoughts which i would never ever ever ever do but it's a scary feeling . it has made my whole view on my future change so drastically. im scared of having kids now even tho it was my dream for so long. when i was a kid if anybody asked what i wanted to be when i grew up i would say "a mommy" . it's just kind of annoying. anyone else struggling with this ?