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The pocd thoughts are making me want to throw up. I feel like I should end it because i cant handle my brain being right

If I manage to get a girlfriend will the ocd go away or will it get worse and be combined with rocd aka “what if I don’t actually like her and want to be with a guy” and then it will all go downhill. If that’s the case I don’t think I should start a relationship because I dont want the girl to go through all that.

PLEASE SOMEONE HELP ME IM LOSING MY MIND PLEASE Youtubers are constantly getting accused of doing p*dophilic activity and inappropriately messaging minors and its making me think my real events are as bad or as worse as them... Ive vented a lot to a lot of people in the PM's about my OCD... some of them younger (minors)... because I wanted reassurance from everyone and anyone... but this situation triggers me the most because I was venting about my 18+ HOCD situations... In an HOCD support group I was in, I vented to 2 minors in the PM's about my 18+ HOCD situations... The leader of the support group (that i vented to) was 17... I was 19 at the time... the other minor i vented to was younger (14-15)... the younger one told me she was uncomfortable when i vented to her in the PM's twice... The 14-15 year old said she was uncomfortable the first time and i tried to stop venting to her... after she said i was a bad person for supporting trump, i vented to her again because her saying i was a bad person triggered me... she said she was uncomfortable for the second time and then i blocked her... i kept asking the leader of the support group for reassurance for my 18+ HOCD situations for months because she kept giving me reassurance... i thought she was cute but didnt pursue her because of my age... i dont ever want to ever be a P or a MAP or a groomer in any way... ChatGPT just told me I inappropriately messaged minors when I dont ever want to be like those dirty disgusting youtubers who inappropriately messaged them and did P3do stuff with them at all!!!! Im so triggered please someone help me!!!

I’m on track to getting my diagnosis and i’m already questioning it. Pocd feels so real, and even though i once saw someone say “it has to feel real or you wouldn’t worry” which is like god level reassurance honestly, it hurts. I can’t look at children, they deserve better. My usual attraction seems to be gone and i can not think about anything else. At the same time i don’t really feel anxiety. I’m scared i don’t feel bad enough, if i just smiled maybe i honestly wouldn’t feel bad? I don’t have many other ocd symptoms either, except for some stuff when i was a kid and like questioning everything about myself. I’m clinging to the hope that this is Pocd instead of me being a Monster and at the same time i’m so sad that i have to go trough this. I don’t like myself but i’m sorry for my younger self. I just want to be held and be told that everything will be okay but how can i know? Even then i feel like comfort of that kind only really applies to others who are struggling and aren’t horrible like me. In so many ways i sm convinced i am a monster even though it might be a bit irrational. Maybe i’m a monster after all and then i should really get away from everyone i love. They deserve better :( After a lifetime of struggles (nothing super serious) i’m just getting started with therapy and i’m so.. scared. What if it won’t help? What if it turns out i’m the bad person i fear to be. Is there any way i can prepare or some tips or literally anything else? I would appreciate any wise words

First I must say I love children and harming one sickens me. So if you don’t understand pocd please don’t commment. Ive only ever been drunk around children once at a house party , my ocd then convinced me I could’ve assaulted them the next morning as my memory was patchy…I haven’t let this go for YEARS. I didn’t even know what I did? 6 years later I have this whole story, based off an intrusive image I had but still don’t really know what I did? Every waking day of my life I’m trying to figure this out but I’m getting more and more confused. I’ve found clues, coincidences , things I believe could be evidence but isn’t really? I’m mixing in reality and false images….My therapists (I’ve had 3) all say this is false memory ocd? But mine feels different? Mine feels worse? Anyway I need a break.

So how would I know if it’s truly ocd or not? Like by accepting uncertainty, will I eventually realize if it was false or true attraction and if it was actually ocd or not? For example I was out today, right after my therapy appointment, I saw a kid that looked exactly like this girl my age that I was into. I felt a sense of attraction and I immediately went into the restroom to hide or smth I don’t remember, but when I came out I think I avoided looking at the kid. Idk if it was false attraction or not, I hope it was but I’m not sure. I can’t really tell. FYI I was never formally diagnosed with pocd before, but my therapist said that I have it but I still don’t believe it. I still feel like it’s not pocd because of the attraction feelings, I can’t tell if I like the feelings or not. I don’t feel any of panic, worry, distress, guilt or shame after any of those feelings. I did start crying when I got home tho idk why or what for, but I went to take a nap for a while and when I woke up it kind of became clearer if it was real or false attraction, but it’s still really unclear, I don’t get why I would feel that way towards a literal child, is it bc she looked like this girl my age that I was into? I hope it was false attraction, still can’t tell.

A couple of days ago I felt asleep on the coach, and it was 12:50 am when I woke up, so I had to go to my room which is in the other floor (my room is in the first floor and the living room is in the second floor, the architecture is weird but my house is a duplex apartment), in order to go to my room I had to walk through the hallway and my 12-year old brother’s room is nearby, so I felt a lot of anxiety and I was recording a video as proof that I didn’t do anything wrong, the problem is my video wasn’t sent, so I didn’t have proof, reassurance, but I still went downstairs to get to my room, I don’t know what to do, frankly I don’t wanna continue, please can someone help me, I think this is false memory ocd and sexual ocd, but please please help me, I can’t do this anymore, I can’t study I can’t focus on Anything else but this, and my mind really thinks I have done something to my brother, that I have raped him or that I have sexually abused him, I seriously can’t stop thinking about that, and whenever I focus on something else, my mind tells me that I shouldn’t focus on anything else because how can I? “If you rape your little brother you shouldn’t focus on something else” and my mind also thinks that I shouldn’t stop thinking about this because If I stopped my memories could become blurry or could seem like very far away memories, and I wanna have clear memories. Please please help me , I honestly don’t wanna go on, don’t wanna live anymore. I live in Peru, so there are not many expert therapists about ocd or false memory/ sexual ocd, please help

I know I'm not one. But there is one OCD episode that destroyed my life. September 2024 I was obsessing over attraction, and one night I compulsively imagined a sensual seductive scenario and I was shocked that a trigger could emanate the gaze of seduction and sensuality, and I thought that it was proof of attraction, then I think that for a moment that I felt like I was attracted, I think I self sabotaged myself into accepting attraction and I think like it worked. I still don't know if it was genuine attraction. I felt suicidal immediately later and thought about ending my life until I discovered on my notes that it was a "short moment" and I assumed that it was just OCD; but now I don't believe so. I have confused memories, maybe some are fabricated. I have different versions of what happened: 1. The attraction part was simply me perceiveing the objective seduction and sensuality look and instead of feeling distressed i felt that it looked seductive and I got shocked and that was what I thought it was attraction in my memory. 2. I was actually seducted and I'm in denial 3. I felt seduction but I wasnt seducted 4. I felt egosyntonic attraction and I'm in denial 5. It was a fabricated sense of egosyntoncness, it wasn't genuine attraction but a fabrication, it was a "dare" from the brain, a self sabotage hence why I felt suicidal. I asked an expert and she simply told me that what happens inside the OCD Bubble belongs only to OCD and it has no value, it is not real. And while it's true its entirety happened as a compulsion, as a result of testing an obsessional fear and doubt, I don't know if the content of what happened inside is simply not real. Like when I had triggering POCD dreams. I don't know if it's the same thing when I was worrying abt me being attracted to my mother and I compulsively imagined my parent coming to my bed and felt like I could do it, that I wouldn't refuse, like literally felt like it not hypothetically, maybe because it was a twisted version of it? I don't know. I lost my sense of reality a while ago. Different scenarios too happened where I felt like I could say yes or I was tempted over doing something I find immoral, all of them were a direct consequence of a compulsion but I don't know still, seems too easy. I fear that the human brain is complex enough to allow both things to happen, that is neutral enough to allow a grey area that I cannot tolerate.

Everyone talks about the physical sensations that come with reacting to sexual content, even if it’s something you do not agree with (like bestiality, pedophilia, or incest). But what about the mental feeling, like when it feels like you liked the thought? I think I might have asked this before, but does anyone else relate? It stresses me out that I have a mental reaction to something of sexual content more than groinals. Anyone else?

so like i was like researching spirituality and i saw that when spiritual awakening happens you kind of question yourself and your values then i saw a shadow work video and they said if you judge someone its because somewhere deep down youre like them , so im scared what if im a pedo and someone did a tarot reading on me once and i dont really remember the exact words but they mentioned something about how im avoiding the truth or something like that and the first thing that came to my mind was being a pedo and incest and recently ive been ignoring all the thoughts cause i was exhausted from doing so many compulsions then i got scared that if i go to therapy they will just tell me what i want to hear. im so scared

Is there a link between ocd and limerence? Does it mean that you want that person in a sexual way? Can it be platonic? Can it be towards a kid? If it is towards a kids, does it make that person a p*do?

I remember clicking on drawn nsfw featuring minor characters. Because the characters had similar features to the fictional character I created to represent myself online. When I got groomed I would talk s*xually to the character I created. The character is 14. And as I described it before I've m*sturbaited to the character based on talk I had with my groomer and even created my own scenarios to m*sturbait. Even draw something to

Since I don't experience attraction towards children so I'm not a p*do. But I've seen some not really child looking character. Thought he's attractive. And scared if he's minor so googled his age. Says 11. But I didn't stopped and kept thought "no but he doesn't look 11", "he's attractive" I'm so scared. Some people says don't live in past but my another past mistakes are just.. disgusting. So lets say if one is caused because I was groomed, another one is caused because I was lacking of social skills. But I don't know if I'm still attracted to 14~16 year olds... I'm scared if I do. I think I'm an ap*ebophile and is also having pocd Lets say the thought "he doesn't look 11" is the reason why I'm not. But it's disgusting. Doesn't look 11 doesn't mean it's exceptional..

I regret so much things in my past. I feel like I'm only worrying for getting label. And worried if I'm bad. No guilt. I can clearly feel it. I don't have any guilt. It's only regret. I'm so exhausted. I can't do anything. I don't think I'm a aph*bophile or p*dophile. But I also feel like I am too. My past mistakes sounds like they proves my label. Currently I don't feel like I'm p*do. But I'm worried if I actually am. I'm worried if I'm an ap*bo.

Hi everyone, this is giving me so much anxiety even saying this out loud because my OcD is telling me that somehow someone will know who I am on here and report me this goes with what I’m about to say about my irrational stuff. Since my baby was born I’ve had a lot of majorrr anxiety about him getting sick. From there my postpartum ocd spiked. I had this irrational fear someone would falsely report me as a bad mom and I’d get my baby taken from me. I’ve NEVER had anyone tell me I’m a bad mom, as a matter of fact, almost every day I get praised for how good of a mom I am. My child is so loved and taken care of. So why did I have that fear? it CONSUMED ME. Obsessively cleaning my house in case a social worker came. Stopped posting myself having occasional girls nights out for dinner because I thought one of my followers would think I’m a bad mom for getting a break. Not being able to talk about ANYTHING or send pictures of my baby to family and friends to update them since we live out of state because somehow I thought I would say something wrong or do something that would make someone think I’m a bad mom. I was convinced my baby was gonna be taken for zero reason. I still sometimes catch myself over analyzing myself and what I say because I don’t want to say the wrong thing and someone think I’m not a fit mom. I would even replay every scenario I remember and then second guess myself if that really happened or if I said something or not and freak out and spiral from there. with driving, if I go over a speed bump I have to double check it wasn’t magically a person. Then I panic even though I know for a fact it was a speed bump. I hate living like this. I feel crazy. I don’t open up because I feel like I’m the only person in the world. The one time I opened up about driving it was used against me. I feel like I’m drowning and I’m failing as a mom. I don’t even open up to a therapist about my irrational fear about baby being taken bc I don’t want them to think I’m a bad mom. It just doesn’t stop.

17f There is a chanse I will get prescribed medication but it's implied that I will go to therapy too. But therapy in my country is very shitty. I'm absolutely not comfortable talking about my POCD there. I have other ocd themes, like checking, symmetry, moral ocd, troubles reading because of ocd and some other themes, but they are not that severe and they don't make me sui🔪idal (please don't flag my post, you will make it worse). Like I can deal with them, but real even ocd and pocd are absolutely insane and I need help, but I know I won't get it there. I'm thinking of moving to another country in the future if I will make it. But to function and stay alive I need meds, cause a lot fo times its extremely bad. So idk is it possible to just be on meds with no therapy

17f So basically I went to a psychiatrist to get diagnosed cause I've been struggling with ocd since I was 4, I went through almost every theme and now my worst ones are real event ocd and POCD they made my life a living hell for the past 1.5 years, destroyed my life basically. I come in and my mother for some reason went with me even though I asked her not to. And the first thing the psychiatrist does is asks my mother "Do you have a full family or are you divorced and who is she living with?" Like the first question, and then spent 10 minutes talking to my mother, I couldn't say anything and my mother said enough of weird stuff because of which I wasn't gonna be taken seriously, I almost started crying then i said that I don't want to continue the visit and left. Idk maybe I'm dramatic but it's the second time therapist/psychiatrist asks random questions about my family like "are your parents alcoholics?" when I haven't even mentioned my parents (spme therapists i went to a year ago), and this time the first ever question was about my parents marriage situation? Like I wanted to talk about my ocd I had since I was 4 it has fucking nothing to do with my parents divorce so I just got nervous and left So I'm wondering like is this a normal first question to ask or is it weird...?

Not looking forward to this fishing trip! I have two buddies from work that are coming to my town to go fishing. It was all cool and dandy until last minute he said he was gonna invite his oldest and I was like oh cool. Wait? It’s a 10 year old girl. When I heard that I was like “SIGH” inside voice though. Right then and there me looking forward to it was gone. I REALLY don’t wanna be in a group with a little girl. I hate it. Doesn’t matter if we’re in a group, I HATE IT!! I’m bummed out but also wanna have fun but I can’t. Reason why is this all went downhill when I saw his fb profile and had all three of his girls in the pic. And at that time I was getting hit hard with pocd so when I saw that my brain was everywhere with intrusive thoughts, false attraction. All that!! And I hated it. Fast forward, my brain when it realized who it was, basically felt like a “I don’t want to have the same reactions as before, I don’t wanna feel this false attraction” nope nope nope! .it was something I had to go through and now I have to go through it again except this time in physical form. I don’t want to go but how do I embrace it guys?? I’m going blank. My brain goes into a spiral of intrusive thoughts like what if I end up harming her or something crazy! No no no no!!! I hate it!! I hate it!!! I’m not that type of sicko! Honestly, I don’t want to go and I’m not looking forward to it! I just lines “let’s just get this over with this Saturday asap” 😪

I was scrolling on insta and I saw a post of a kid, I felt a sense of attraction, idk if it was false or not. I hope it was, I got worried and the kid kept popping up in my head, I kept trying to stop it because I can’t stand not doing anything and feeling attracted, I don’t wanna be attracted to kids, im fucking tired of having to deal with all of this every day. I can’t tell if it is real or false attraction, all of this is so annoying, I can’t even listen to music properly without feelings of attraction showing up. I’m not able to tell if it’s false attraction or not anymore at all, it feels way to real to know, I keep hoping that it’s all false, and I hope that I have pocd not actual pedophilia because I was never disgnosed, I was also exposed to porn at a young age, and I’m worried it causes pedophilia. Please help me with these attraction feelings I can’t tell if they’re real or not anymore. I can’t even tell if I’m distressed, panicked, disgusted, or shamed. I don’t feel any of those feelings anymore, idk why, idk how to deal with this stuff anymore, I don’t even know if I have ocd or not, I’ve only ever gotten one short diagnoses that said I have ocd but I lied on 2 questions about feeling arousal which I do, idk why, and the other about liking the thoughts, which I said I didn’t, but in reality I don’t know if I do or not. Also only certain kids trigger the attraction feeling, it makes me worried I’m a pedo because it’s only certain kids that cause it, kind of like a “type” (edited)

This is really ruining me and I’m at the lowest point of this. I’m not suicidal or anything and I’m not depressed but I can’t bear with this anymore. POCD is the worst ocd I’ve ever dealt with and I’m too scared to tell a therapist about this. What do I do