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the NOCD Community

Why it does? Like i understand anxiety and ocd, it wants us to keep us safe. But what about intentionally gives sou thoughts that makes you feel guilt or discust, or just crying, and it knows its bad for us but it keeps giving the story. Like if something shameful happened to you and it keep making you thinking about it and makes you crying... how to stop that?

My depression is really hitting me hard lately due to an episode i had in November im on antidepressants to help treat my obsessive thoughts which is working but it’s doing nothing for my depression if not making it worse??? (not sure if that’s possible) Im still in school which is making things complicated for me, i just want to rest but i have to finish school. I was supposed to start ERP on Tuesday but i cancelled so i can “prioritize graduating” which probably wont even happen for me because im drained and have very low motivation. I speak with my psychiatrist next month about upping my dosage of antidepressants but until then i just have to manage with what i have. I keep getting rude remarks from people even when they know im suffering saying things like “you’re giving up” im not if it was really up to me i would isolate and sleep but im fighting and sometimes its not easy and all i end up doing all day is sleeping but sometimes i cant help it. Its exhausting and the episode i had in November was traumatic, i don’t need pity from these people but some surface level understanding of what im dealing with would be nice. It feels like my mom is the only one who sees how much im fighting everyday to not let my brain consume me, it’s a constant battle that i don’t always win. Sorry for this rant im just so tired.

Anyone else scared to stop compulsions incase the thoughts come true? This is why I’m reluctant to do ERP 🙈!

Does anyone else have those nights where you come home from a long day at work, or being around people all day with a social battery and energy that is depleted? You are exhausted but when you try and sleep just cant seem to do so? Like your brain filled with thoughts, worries, OCD negativity etc. just keeps playing over and over in your head like a broken record on repeat? You toss and turn or sometimes just cry yourself to sleep in exhaustion and sadness and frustration? Anyone have any advice to help with this or calm the brain to help for a better sleep? Could use some sleep and rest.. Thanks 🫶

I am having surgery on Friday and I am worried while I am loopy from anaesthetic that I will expose myself or start saying my intrusive thoughts out loud. I am so scared of this and scared I’ll say stuff and not remember then everyone will know. Help

I hate this I hate this I hate this..I just finished therapy and I couldn't even say the story right. Along with that my thoughts switch to my boyfriend being the intrusive thoughts and the ex being "the partner" LIKE NOOOOOO I want my boyfriend and I want to get rid of this girl in my head. I don't want to be gay, I don't want this ex..I don't ever want this ex I want my boyfriend I always wanted my boyfriend. Please I just want my boyfriend I don't wanna lose my boyfriend I don't want to be a cheater I don't want this ex. I was 13... JUST 13 WHEN I DID THAT MISTAKE THAT DOESN'T MEAN I WAMT THE EX. I blame my head it's so unfair.. first it told me I was gonna cheat on my boyfriend because of this friend of his...after spiraling and telling myself I would never do such thing to my lover, I was feeling great and oki knowing I would never EVER do that to my boyfriend..it made me remembered what I did when I was 13 thinking I was a cheater all along and quickly said "do you feel bad for the ex? Do you want the ex then? Should you go back? You should" like bro I just GOT OUT OF A HELL HOLE YOU CAN'T DO THIS TO ME. I only was feeling bad for my past mistakes that doesn't mean I want the person back. I don't want them back I was just scared of how that would change my now relationship slightly knowing what I did when I was a PRE TEEN. Now this person has become my intrusive thoughts and it has been worse than ever. I really don't want this ex ik I don't. It's just making me feel bad for this other person and telling me what to do. I don't want this ex. I just had a thought because I saw the ex account and it triggered me then a thought said "I wish I was with the ex like all the time" | felt panicked and it felt real. I just want my boyfriend Ryan he's better way better.

I don't think about other people a lot, and when I do it's usually OCD bad stuff. Gift giving times are the worst because I'm expected to go out and get people things, which is a really nice thing to do, but what if I get the gift wrong? I could ask, and that's ok, but why am I so against this gift giving? I find it so hard to give anything. Giving attention, giving love, feeling love. I'm so empty, and in this time I need to get people things to show that there's something in here when I'm just so selfish and nothing. I'm lonely, but I just want to keep to myself. I want to care and feel love but everything hurts and I'd rather go the full day not talking to anyone. This sucks. What's wrong with me. Why do people expect so much of me. Or is it just me? My mom pisses me off so much because she always makes me feel guilty for not being the perfect happy person so I can be pleasant for others and not a rude inconvenience. I'm tired of thinking. The only reason this is happening right now is because my life long friend that I'm not so close with now thanked me for a gift I never bought him. My mom probably gave it to him with my name on it, how nice. I feel bad for not gifting him anything for two occasions, and he gifted me something really nice, but we're so different now. Times have changed, we're far apart, I have other friends, sometimes he says things that makes me uncomfortable. He's going through it, so I stick around to give him someone to talk to, but we just aren't close anymore and I don't know if I can be close. What am I? What is this? Why is this happening?

How am I suppose to get better when OCD makes me doubt if I want to get better 😭. It feels like I just want to live in my OCD thoughts. It’s so scary!

How were you able to finally take the risk that you could be a horrible human being or could have done horrible things? How were you able to do it? That’s where I am struggling. I totally get the concept of a thought is a thought and it’s not dangerous. But if what I fear is true, it would be horrendous and I’m so scared to let go. I’m so scared to take the chance that I could be a monster. So if you have any advice for how you were able to let go and take the risk, I would love to hear it. Each time I try, I just get more scared and revert back.

How to do this when others trigger you too cause they tell you it'a true. I know some will say here too that it's true... I don't take meds now, cause i want full recovery and that requires to live without meds, i said before that now im om a setback and my mind wants to make me believe its because i dont take meds and it constantls says that i didnt felt this when i took meds, and i know this is anxiety and going back to meds would be a compulsion. I remember i didnt felt good while i was taking meds either i jist didnt had this fear(ofcourse cause i took meds and i was atleast im on meds) but now my mind triggers me like im on danger i should go back taking meds to feel alright again(basic anxiety). Its hard cause i told this many times here and people just streghten my fear cause they tell me "yeah its because of that, go back to your doctor and take meds again, or ask your doctor" guys they will not say "keep it up, you can do it" its their job to prescribe medicine...they will never encourage you to do it without meds... So how to show my brain that its not because i dont take meds, i had feelings like this while i was taking it, ans no mather what others say, i know its not bc of meds? I can say this but the thought just gets stronger... everytime i experience a negative emotion the thought comes back and says "i will be back where i was before i took meds" and it scares me

Truthfully i am just so exhausted from being obsessed with how I affect others in my life. I am constantly questioning if I make their lives better or worse and why. I'm an extrovert and if it seems like I'm positively affecting people when I socialize, I feel on top of the world. But when I can't improve someone's mood when I talk to them I feel depressed and drained. I have this belief that I am intrinsically awful and harmful to be around and I have to be extra helpful and cheerful to make up for it. I think about the problems that everyone in my life struggles with and convince myself that I am the cause of it or making them worse. I isolate, believing I am harmful to others and I am sparing them. When they feel neglected, I panic because I caused them harm when I was trying to save them. I don't want to live like this anymore. In some ways it was easier when I was alone. I just can't stop obsessing about my loved ones in this way. I almost begin to crave abandonment because at least the thoughts would stop coming. Does that make me a bad person? I don't really actually want to be abandoned by my loved ones, but at least I know how to handle abandonment. I don't know how to handle normal loving relationships.

my mind keeps saying i was cheating and i just need help. a while ago me and my partner went on a break because i was unsure of my feelings. i saw this guy at lunch that was alone and i thought was cute and i thought i had feelings. me and my friends invited him over and we all became friends. i realized later i didn’t have feelings for him and i did truly have feelings for my partner. i never flirted with this guy, the only thing i ever said was i didn’t have anyone to go to hoco with meaning i wanted to go with everyone in that group- including him. that part makes me feel so gross and like i did something wrong. i can’t tell if what is true because my mind can’t remember- it mix’s up the story to think i wanted to go hang out with him at hoco with everyone. did i wanna be with him? i don’t think so because i obvi realized i didn’t have feelings but idk what’s true from the past. what if i did?? me and my partner are together again obvi and i cannot be around him without these thoughts of wanting to “confess”. i’m still friends with that dude and i no longer think he is that cute tbh and i figured out i didn’t have feelings for him. help??

Here's my story, I'm just your typical 33 year old, going through life, started feeling depressive/anxiety symptoms starting about 29.5. Benefitted from CBT immensely. I am also avid podcast listener and did a lot of diligent work on this path to self discovery, overcoming my people pleasing, learning to set boundaries, saying guilt free nos', standing up for myself without it wrecking me after, so on. My symptoms on most days are non existent, just the usual stuff, the seasonal depressions, and so on. The only thing I haven't fully mastered/managed/learned to manage has been my somatic symptoms. I get hyper aware of some sensation, or symptom, try to ignore it, goes away on its own, the mental triggers, I got that down, ignore/observe/let it fade away. Few years ago, I developed somatic breathing, where I suddenly become aware of my breathing, or feeling like there isn't enough of it, this started post pandemic. Think it had to do with a lot of anxiety, not having seen my family in years, so on. There was also some swallowing related somatic feelings too, I used to check my O2 sat. That was probably the trigger. It went away over the course of the years and became manageable and even one I totally overcame. Recently, I've been feeling kinda stuck, wanting some change, feeling like there is a permenence to the impermanence, coupled with a rather depressing and low sunlight winter, I am going through a bout of seasonal depression. My darling body and mind are taking care of me, being over protective, etc etc. Few weeks ago, I had a near fainting episode, with the trigger being fear itself. Coupled with dehydration, some exertion by taking too many stairs, I even remembered thinking, oh this is happening, it was brief, and I went to the ER, they were amazing, took so much care of me, did all kinds of tests, and determined that I was all good, just an unfortunate incident. Now my depression is making me not feel motivated to workout or anything, but I am high functioning and I get through it without much of a change in how I show up in the world. I was able to invariably conclude that the trigger was fear itself. And I recently heard a podcast where the doctor/speaker mentioned that for somatic symptoms, the distraction on onset of symptoms itself is the trigger. Much like when we shine a light on a strange thought. Although it's only been a week and a half. I'm already mostly back to normal, and grateful for all the support and kindness I've found during this time from family, friends, and the amazing doctors. Here is my little insight: there is a catch 22 about somatoform, the fear of the fear or fear of reoccurrence, or reading about the symptoms, even to educate yourself, are triggering. Much alike pure o. My only suggestion, compassion to yourself, and do your exposures when you are ready, don't rush. Love and wellbeing to you all.

Does anyone else have mental rituals to check whether your friends still have u on social media and if they don’t then they hate you? I have to check multiple times a day that they still follow me , even people I haven’t spoke to in years . Today one unadded me from a private story even though I haven’t spoke in over 2 years but now it’s triggered me and made me feel like they hate me and I’ve done something wrong. Could anyone offer advice on how to feel in a situation like this. Like should I be panicked and concerned? Thanks

A big worry for me is that the thoughts are 24-7, no matter what I’m doing. Sometimes the thoughts are more in the background and sometimes really noisy, but they are always there. I worry that because the thoughts are constant it means they aren’t OCD as i read a lot about thoughts coming and going. They also keep evolving, it’s like when I get more used to one lot of thoughts, new ones come to create more anxiety and that feeds another thought and another thought. Anyone relate? I’m exhausted and broken.

but does anyone else’s intrusive thoughts and false memories get worse during the night or like as soon as the sun sets? it’s gotten to a point now where i dread the sun setting because ik it’s gonna be worse. i don’t know if this has anything to do with ocd??

Waking up “normal” or without anxiety is always the scariest. I’ve become so used to fighting, maybe the Sertraline is starting to kick in or I’m tired. I’m looking for the feelings of disgust or fear, I guess they were my compulsions. Is this the backdoor spike? Is this what recovery looks like? The days vary, yesterday I felt a tightness in my chest and started crying in a public place saying my usual compulsion “I want to be with a man” over and over. Wondering if I’ll live with this theme forever and be able to get married and have a family with a man like I always wanted. I’ve been able to live a semi-normal life even before or after my diagnosis after the episodes but being in the thick of it feels impossible. The thoughts and images along with compulsions play on loop 24/7. When I’m awake, when I’m asleep. Trying to remember what it was like to dream and go on with my day. No matter how much reassurance or articles, it’s not enough. I hate how OCD doesn’t respond to logic. Trying my best to live the life I lived before even when OCD screams at me that I’m lying and in denial. I’ve gone through this theme a few times, but each time feels like I’m experiencing it the first time.

so my teacher was talking about some sad stuff and my mind kinda said to me did you want to laugh? and now im scared that im a bad person and i think i wanted to laugh

I wish I didn’t have this disorder it lost the will to live I don’t want to do it anymore my life is too hard to fix

So like all of you guys, I get intrusive thoughts. I’ve gotten them to a point where they aren’t super debilitating but they still occur. The thing is, I don’t ever want to tell a partner about these thoughts as I don’t even want them myself. However, A part of me feels wrong for not telling them. I fear they may judge me or not want to be with me if they knew as they are sexual and inappropriate although they aren’t pedephellic. I’m not sure how to deal with this situation.