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working to conquer OCD
I do have lots of thoughts regarding my daily activities it just comes as a compulsion like what I did yesterday by this time what was exactly happening it just give me lot of anxiety
My SO-OCD is really getting in the way of my relationship and I’m so confused if it’s meant to be platonic or romantic. We have such a strong bond and I am sexually attracted to them but my SO-OCD tries to convince me that I should be with a woman bc I’m not sure if I’m 100% straight and I feel a lot of guilt about the fact that I want a relationship with a man and get intrusive thoughts about what it would be like to be with a woman instead. But it’s about this one specific girl I found attractive and I’m not sure if it’s sexual attraction or admiration and I have been fixating on this ever since I met her because I see her consistently and I’m not sure what to do. I really want this to work with him but it’s so hard for me to trust myself and what I truly want.
Hey it’s me again, I feel very overwhelmed I’ve been dealing with my OCD for a few months now and it’s been a ride for sure. Lately I’ve been dealing with these thoughts that I’m crazy it’s actually inexplicable I don’t know how to describe what I feel anymore I feel like I’m Loosing sense of who I am like I don’t even know what’s going on like I’m just crazy literally I feel crazy I really just wanna be okay and just be able to enjoy life I feel like I’m never happy anymore. I feel so overwhelmed like I’m holding in my tears so badly I just wanna sit there and cry and I don’t know what to do anymore I really don’t I was doing just fine for weeks and then BOOM I feel like it comes back 10x fucking worst and I don’t like being alone because I feel like I’m gonna loose control and do something or like I’m just gonna snap I’m scared I’m Gonna snap in any moment n I feel like I’m just this crazy person and I feel like something is in my head telling me I’m crazy or I am but I don’t hear anything I just like visualize it like I imagine it in my head I was dealing with harm ocd this week and last week towards my husband and I hate it so much because I just wanna enjoy my relationship like a normal human being I miss being normal I always wanna go get checked to a doctor so they could check my brain and tell me I’m not crazy and I feel from my ocd or stress I’m Gonna get psychosis or schizophrenia from my head thinking so much stuff that I’m just gonna colapse I don’t know what to fuck I don’t like medication I’ve been dealing with so much stress this week from so many episodes I feel like when I’m around people I forget about things but something they try to cripple up on me but I don’t like being alone and I hate not liking that because I feel like then people have to monitor me to see I’m Not gonna do anything or to distract my head I wanna be able to feel alone and being okay I don’t even like listening to music anymore it makes me panic idk I need to hear someone talking or something because then I panic I get to in my head I just don’t know why I’m feeling this if this ocd or my anxiety or my depression getting bad again I feel like I don’t enjoy anything like I’m Bored of life fuck I wanna be fine I wanna be able to think right I feel my head is going 100000 mph please I need someone to comment on this.
I’m so sick of this disorder I really am. I’m failing school because I havent gone in 5 days because of ocd, im sick right now but I could easily go to school if I wanted to, it’s not because I’m sick, it’s because I’m genuinely afraid to go out, I did a exposure by going to a fair two days ago and it was genuinely fucking horrible, I don’t feel like it helped me. I’m gonna go to school tomorrow but I’m just terrified and I know I’m gonna be miserable and it’s gonna flare up horribly. I don’t want to accept or cope with the fact I have ocd. I don’t want to be ok with my thoughts, why should I have to be ok with my thoughts to get better? Why was I made this way? Why can’t I just be normal? I don’t want to accept the fact I have horrible disgusting thoughts why should I? It makes me feel disgusting and sick. I just really wish I wasn’t dealing with this. I don’t want to die I just wish I was different, so different. I’m so sick of this. I know my past wasn’t my fault but I feel sick and disgusted and like I’m a sick fuck who should be killed or put in jail. I really can’t take it anymore i just want to be ok. I know what it feels like to be happy I just don’t know how to get back there. I was doing so good for 3 weeks. Not a single intrusive thought or urge. I was genuinely happy and now I feel horrible. I don’t want to live like this or be ok with it I just can’t it’s never gonna end why is it fair that I have to live like this?
Hello everyone! I’m new to this app and I am just looking for some help or any advice. I am 20 years old and female. I constantly think about the past and what has happened to me and my boyfriend. (Mostly about him and his ex and if he liked her more). No matter how hard I try these thoughts just flood my mind and nothing that I do helps me avoid them. I have always had issues with constant thoughts about the past and things that are stressing me out, and they just don’t go away. I thought that the thoughts about my boyfriend’s ex would fade but i’ve been with him for 2 years now and they are still constant everyday. I feel like I have to know what she’s up to and check her social media daily, if not multiple times in a day. I also check my ex’s social media daily. I don’t want to do this but I feel like I have to, and If I try not to it just makes me feel anxious. My ex was verbally and physically abusive, I was 15-17 and we were together for those two years. I have gone to PTSD therapy and I still have thoughts over and over about what happened and I wonder if it was even real. Or if I’m even remembering what happened correctly. I have constant thoughts about him and what happened between us. I also have issues such as kind of twitching when i’m really stressed out or something isn’t “right” to me. I constantly have to clean and put things in their place. I have a routine that I do everyday, such as showering in a certain order, doing my skincare in a certain order, and doing things at work in a certain order. Is this normal? And how do I help these thoughts go away… Because they have gotten so bad that it distracts me all day and is interfering with having a future with my boyfriend.
Ever since I was a child, I think around 8 years old, I get these flare ups. I had a fear that I would kill people. I would get so depressed and feel sick to my stomach. I never told anyone for fear that I was crazy. After about 2 weeks or a month, I would start to feel better. Usually something really exciting happening would kick me out of this funk. I went through I really bad episode my first year of college. I finally told my mom and went to see a general doctor. He prescribed me Zoloft 75mg and called it anxiety and depression. Over the years I would have random flair ups but I was usually able to manage them really well and they would go away in a few days. I had my second child in October 2022. At about 3 months postpartum, I had a horrible flair up. Not only was I afraid of harm, I was also now afraid of developing psychosis. I saw my ObGyn and she was asking if I heard voices or if my children looked like animals to me, which further triggered me. I went up on my Zoloft to 150mg and felt better but still always just felt a little lingering under the surface. Now when my daughter turned 1, I had another huge flair up. I finally saw a psychiatrist he said I had an I’m unspecified anxiety disorder with obsessive components but didn’t mean the ocd criteria. We decided to try Prozac. That make me feel so out of it, so we tried Lexapro. Lexapro also gave me horrible anxiety. So, I ended up switching back to Zoloft and have felt better but, like before I still don’t feel all the way better. I started seeing a therapist and she diagnosed me with OCD. So this past week, I have been having what I though was a flair up. Intrusive thoughts about possession and demons/ psychosis. I am afraid to look at my kids for fear that they will look “animal like.” Thoughts pop into my head whenever I see my daughter spacing out or making a strange face or noise and I just say “demon” in my head or “maybe she’s possess” and I fully freak out. I go online to see if this is just a theme of OCD to calm myself down. I just saw a new nurse practitioner psychiatrist (not sure what it’s actually called) and she started talking antipsychotics or inpatient treatment. This obviously sent my anxiety through the roof. I was bawling. She also said an anxiety diagnosis doesn’t fit. And she was saying that psychosis is unlikely but she can’t rule it out. She was thinking severe anxiety. I am at a complete loss. I don’t even know what to think anymore. I feel like shit and I am beyond depressed over this. It feels like I’ll never get better. Any thoughts or recommendations or even stories would be so helpful. Thanks for reading ❤️
TW: Mentions of pornography To start off, I won’t get into all of the reasons, however I am personally against pornography, especially in a relationship (these reasons are not related to my OCD). I am single and have found this boundary very hard to navigate especially in the current dating scene and it has caused me a lot of distress. I am extremely ashamed to admit it, but a few days ago I viewed something online intentionally and immediately felt so much guilt and regret for doing so, I am absolutely disgusted with myself and I feel like such a fraud in my beliefs. How can I ever expect to find someone who matches these standards if I can’t even myself? I feel so hopeless and angry with myself. I know that I messed up and the fault is 100% on me, but it is taking such a toll on me. It’s all I can think about really, everything in my day to day life reminds me of this issue and the guilt and disgust I feel for abandoning my values like that just stings. I can’t enjoy doing anything these last few days and I feel especially hopeless in my future dating prospects, an issue that normally bothers me anyways. I want to be able to move past these negative feelings and forgive myself however I feel as though I don’t deserve it at all, I am very lost on what to do and am just stuck in this endless loop of thinking.
is anyone else not able to realize that their thoughts are irrational?
I have this fear of being a psychopath or sociopath. All my life i was able to feel normal emotions like joy, sadness, guilt etc up until now where i suddenly gained this new fear of being a psychopath because i felt emotionally detached from my partner lately and i now feel like i emotionally shut down and like im on autopilot mode. Its like i cant feel anything right now, and to test myself i think of situations in my head that are bad (like someone getting hit by a car) to see if i feel any empathy and it scares me that i sometimes dont. I keep doing this over and over and i cant feel anything, im so scared of being evil or something. It triggers me when i see negative things on social media because im scared i don’t feel anything or not care about it at all. I never thought id be saying this but i WANT to feel sad or upset just so i know im not crazy.
Sometimes when I ruminate or try to disprove my themes (I know I shouldn’t do it but sometimes it’s to overwhelming and I can’t help it I’ve been getting better with it though) it feels like I’m arguing with another person, like there’s another person living in my head and they try to disprove everything I do, it’s usually a different voice from my own but when it’s really fucking with me it’s my own voice and it’s irritating, it just feels like another person lives in my head like there a bad influence and tell me to do all this shit and it’s horrible, I know it’s ocd but it just feels like another person in my head who’s constantly against me and everything I believe and when I argue I get literally no where it pulls shit out of its ass and says the most absurd shit and it makes me feel horrible, just wanted to know if anyone else’s ocd feels like it comes in the form of another person that’s living in your head?
Does anyone else have the strong urge to do some sort of drugs sometimes when there ocd gets really bad or over nothing in general, like I’ll just be sitting doing nothing and my brain goes “you need to do cocaine right now or else” and I get a urge and it’s so like odd to me??? I’ve never done drugs in my life and never plan to because my father was a addict and I’ve seen what they’ve done to people so it scares me when I get these thoughts and then I get the urge to reach out to someone who can give me drugs and I play this whole scenario in my mind where I contact someone and I meet up with them and pay them for the drugs and then I take them and die and it’s like??? Idk I’ve had weird intrusive thoughts involving drugs before but this is like different if that makes sense, I also can’t stop focusing on how my body feels when this happens like it’ll feel like I was a previous addict and that I’m going through withdrawal and need something or else and it’s just so weird to me. Anyone else go through this?
I think I did something I shouldnt have... I reasearched comphet on tiktok and saw a video of a girl explaining how she realised that first she wasnt bi and then she was a lesbian. She was talking all about how when she was with men she was craving "male validation" and wasnt actually attracted to men and that she confused platonnic and romantic love. and that whe she really thought about she realised that she loved being loved and desired by men but that she didnt specifically like men or wasnt attracted to men. She just found them attractive and was not attracted. And that when she broke up with her bf and stop dating man she realised how much more she could feel and how thinking about men gave her the ic. And I real all the comments and everyone was like omg omg omg. Anyways im sooo triggered because I feel like I could relate on some level. Im not sure if I like my bf for who he is or that i love how he loves me. And at first I used to calm my OCD by saying noo noo I love how he loves me but if I imagine breaking up with him it feels like it will be my last time with a men... what is happenning!!!
WHY is it so hard to explain ocd to someone without it? it’s like they see it as a joke/exaggeration and it’s just exhausting. people act like ocd is just organization or cleaning or whatever. while ocd can affect that it’s SO much more than that. idk
I have a friend. For years I compulsively texted them whenever I was anxious about anything and I actively sought reassurance from them. Sometimes they responded; sometimes not…which I am sure reinforced it more than if it had been steady reassurance or ignoring! I recently pieced together that this is OCD and not anxiety. Looking at our past 30 years of friendship(!) … we were in and out of each others lives and lately, since I got into this terrible loop with him, it made my anxiety so much worse… better in the moment! But then everything after that felt more intensely awful until it was a constant texting back and forth …confessing, reassurance seeking…and a relentlessly building panic/anxiety. His life was a lot too right then and he took some time and space from everyone, including me. Since piecing this together, I’ve been working on it. It’s really hard with someone you’ve known this long. I hate that I’ve become someone he can’t go to. Today we went for lunch and he shared that there’s something going on with him that’s a Big Deal. And it is absolutely a Big Deal. He decided to share what it was and I said…you know, I’m worried about making things worse, I want to check in before we keep talking. He said in the past I did make things worse and that …yeah, he wanted to end the conversation and never talk about it again. I honored that… we then had a light conversation about something else while the inside of me just screamed. I want to text an apology. For today. For the past. I want to try to get reassurance from him, of course. I know not to! But I of course still want to. I want to go back in time and undo the cycle so that I didn’t hurt either of us in the past. I don’t want to be someone who is unreliable and I have been. I want to prove I’m changing and can be reliable. The road to becoming reliable is to stop. Do NOT bring it up, do NOT apologize (because he wants me to drop it—apologizing would open it back up) and to keep resisting the compulsion to text. If we establish trust again, I need to earn it. So…. I’ve been resisting. I so badly want to repair and don’t have a model for repairing without apologizing. I’m resisting. I’m not texting. I’m not apologizing. It’s been about two hours. ”Maybe I did screw up. That would suck! But I still need to get work done“ is competing with OCD trying to sneak in and say, ”but if you did fucked up then you need to do repair work!“ … this time the repair work has got to be giving him space to decide what he shares. And it might not be me again. And it might be. But not if I text right now. Today is a long, long day.
( pls don’t read this if you’re younger. ) —- — - . I was laying down and having gro!nal responses to nasty images but I didn’t react because I had them last year, but I had a feeling that was like “I wish I could do something to relieve it” and it also feels like I said it too? Omg, that sounds so disgusting, I feel like a bad person. I feel like I don’t deserve to keep going anymore.
I'm 32 and was diagnosed a few weeks ago. It's been really hard to accept how much of my life has been affected negatively by OCD and the paranoia and anxiety that comes from it. Just sad about it.
How can I beat ocd
Hello, I want to share my ocd story as I’m struggling with it severely right now. I was a very anxious child, when I was nine I started to have intrusive thoughts/fear/theme that I was somehow “pregnant”. Now this was concerning because I was nine..and a virgin CLEARLY. I hadn’t even gotten my period. The reason this scared me so much is that because i was a virgin, I was afraid if I was pregnant and the baby came, no one would believe me and everyone would hate me. When I was 13 this soon transitioned to being the same fear only this time because I had my period I was afraid that I either got gr@ped in my sleep, or somehow sp3rm was on the toilet seat and it well yk. However, none of this made any sense and I made myself sick worrying about it. My ocd would take a turn when I developed emotophobia, the intense fear of vomit and vomiting and so alot of my intrusive thoughts regarded vomit. As I got older they would switch and I was ALWAYS under some sort of stress. That’s when things got worse, I’m also diagnosed with anxiety so all the therapists were just treating me for anxiety but the main cause of this anxiety despite other things, is my ocd. I started to have “religious” ocd, as I consider myself a Christian and it’s a big part of my life, doing compulsions like “read that verse again, you messed up” ect. Which consumed a lot of my life. Here’s where things get hard to talk about, I started having what they call moral ocd? I was at least 15? And I thought my life was over, now the thing is when I was a kid I was messed with once, which gave me a lot of anxiety over the years and I didn’t end up telling anyone till I was older, I thought it was my fault. So I know that I would never, ever want somebody else to go through something so horrific. This fear eventually subsided, until this past year. When I was sixteen, my boyfriend sa’d me and I didn’t really have time to realize what had happened. We broke up right after which hurt a lot but I was relieved. Ever since then I was always very cautious about people, I knew what that felt like, so much shame, and not feeling like you can do anything about it. Eventually I started to get that moral ocd back, things like “what if I’m attracted to so and so” a family member ect. This would repulse me. I also watched a lot of true crime which didn’t help anything, this caused me to develop pocd/moral ocd. Now, I feel trapped I feel like I’m not at all what my intrusive thoughts say, I would never do them, and I want to isolate from EVERYONE. I feel like I don’t deserve to be here, I feel ashamed like God is ashamed of me and I have just cried and cried. I really need some encouragement or at least advice.
Im so depressed... and I feel alone... theres no hope... My pocd keeps saying that my worst fear of unknowingly cybering with a minor has actually happened and it's really triggering the hell out of me... I feel so horrible...My pocd keeps saying I "unknowingly erotically role played with a minor" when idek if this actually happened or not... this was nearly three years ago... (september of 2021) for context we were erotically role playing on an 18+ discord server, (she wasnt verified, but I assumed she was 18+ because we were on an 18+ place) and then she suddenly stopped responding, before leaving the server shortly after an unknown time... im so freaking anxious and scared... her grammar was fine at first, but then as we were going on, she kept making errors like "boxer" or "then" instead of "than"... my pocd keeps saying that I "UNKNOWINGLY EROTICALLY ROLEPLAYED WITH A MINOR" when idek if this happened or not... some people told me she sounds like/is a young adult... chatGPT tells me she sounded like a teenager... I genuinely dont know what to believe anymore... (these two photos are from her account, and the beginning of our ERP... I hope she wasnt a teenager... I really hope she wasnt...)
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