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the NOCD Community

hi! how did you guys get your ocd diagnosis? what was that process like? did it take a while? do some of you not have a diagnosis but just know you have ocd?

I'm 13, and was screen broadcasting to my boyfriend because we where bored and curiously and we searched up..... Like porn. On the internet. Idk why... Anyway we came across smth that looked like a MINOR.(it was anime porn) and we couldn't tell for sure so now I'm spiraling and have CRAZY confession compulsions to my mum and I really do not wanna tell her. Please what do I do.

I'm 13, and was screen broadcasting to my boyfriend because we where bored and curiously and we searched up..... Like porn. On the internet. Idk why... Anyway we came across smth that looked like a MINOR.(it was anime porn) and we couldn't tell for sure so now I'm spiraling and have CRAZY confession compulsions to my mum and I really do not wanna tell her. Please what do I do.

I am newly diagnosed with OCD as a 33 year old female I was fat oses with bipolar at 15 and never really identified with it much and totally relate to ocd. I wish i would have known long ago so I could have gotten treatment earlier. Now that I know and am aware and can see what’s off and what are compulsions and my insatiable need for reassurance it’s so overwhelming- it feels like my mind is a prison and attacks me with a new pure o quest as soon as I wake up I’m optimistic I’ll be able to get better but it just feels like it’s time sucking and joy stealing disorder I know I’m not alone here I feel like a crazy person replaying and replaying things I want to know if you can relate or if you have been at this for a while and actually feel like you are breaking free from this Thanks for the read

I literally feel movements, pressure, tickle in my brain.. I still don't have access to myself :-( I don't feel happiness.. Some repetitive thoughts are gone, but I really feel like losing my mind I am on 200mg sertraline for 3 weeks now.. I had OCD for years but I could live with it.. Now my brain just stop working

How do you tell friends and family about ocd? Like it makes me so anxious and I feel like such a terrible person. A lot of my intrusive thoughts are on my kids. And I hate every single thing that comes into my head.

The things my brain convinces me of are so horrible idk how im going to get through this this time. I feel like I tell my self all the obsessions this episode u don’t even know or you definitely didn’t do but then I just start ruminating on simply the idea of them existing for me to worry abt being enough to keep me in the episode and I can’t even remember them all which doesn’t make sense how I would just forget but ocd makes it make sense yk. Sometimes they feel so real and there is nothing I can do to know and I just want to be happy so bad ik my core values and how I actually feel but it’s just a dark lonely terrifying cloud raining on me all day and night long.

Anyone take medication for OCD? The only medication I take is adderall but I had to stop due to heart issues so now my anxiety and intrusive thoughts are also back and adhd symptoms. My psychiatrist recommended I take antidepressants for my OCD like lexapro. The thing is I never ever thought I would take medication in my life. Here I am suffering from these mental illnesses which is also something I never thought would happen to me. I notice people that have OCD say that they wish they have taken medication sooner made life easier too but idk I’m still hesitant about it. How long do I have to take it for? Do I or should I take medication for OCD with therapy? Overall no adhd meds rn and man I feel so low and depressed lacking motivation and also overwhelmed thinking of doing other work related things.

I got diagnosed with adhd about 2 months ago, I started vyvanse and it was amazing at first. So much motivation, ocd intrusive thoughts were easier to let go and would not consume me nearly as much. But then about a few weeks ago I started noticing I was getting super irritable, anxious, intrusive thoughts taking over again. I had already gone up and down to try and tweak the right dose for me so I know it wasn’t the dose. So I stopped a few days ago, and all of that instantly subsided. I feel like I’m back to square one:( I do take Prozac, only 20mg becuase I have to slowly increase to reduce side effects but it does help me a lot. I still want to take adhd meds though because I’m back to feeling unmotivated. Has this happened to anyone else on stimulants? What did you end up having to try instead?

I feel like I m*lested my brother in his sleep because I was thinking if me touching his area disgusted me and I’m trying to remember if I got up and touched him but I don’t remember I was laying down I asked my brother if I did anything he said no but how would he know he was sleeping? It’s like what if I did something that I don’t remember?

I’m getting gronial responses by listening to an ancient Egyptian podcasts I love ancient history I was listening to one and they were talking about how he got married at such an early age and his wife was around 12 and my head is just hoping for him to say something inappropriate about them and immediately thought that if I wanted to listen to it that meant I was listening to cp and I got gronial responses and I just speed the podcast I had to take my head phones and lay down or eat a chocolate bar because the gronials it’s annoying I can’t even listen to music or do anything with my head phones on Then yesterday I was thinking did I touch my brother? Because when I was laying down I was thinking if I would get disgusted by touching his area it was just a thought because I don’t remember standing up and actually doing it but it’s like I feel like I did

I can't explain my obsession to anyone without it sounding crazy and no one understands the obsession, so I won't try to here. But has that happened to anyone? An obsession that you can't put into words and no one understands? I was making a tiny bit of progress with my NOCD therapist, but I couldn't afford it anymore. So I'm just feeling alone, scared, and crazy. Just wanted to reach out here. Thank you

Hey everyone, my dad and I are going to Japan in about a month and I found out about a month back he went through a hard time financially back in the winter I was not made aware of (he purposefully kept me and my sisters out of the loop). We just booked our plane and hotel yesterday and my sisters have been making me feel and think differently about everything. My sister said it was a lot of money which I was aware of and that instead of Japan my dad could take me to Mexico (our home country) to visit his parents gravesite (since he hasn’t visited in years and frankly, I have not gone) and since it is also cheaper to do so. Despite this I still wanted to go to Japan and didn’t suggest Mexico to him partially because I was thinking that since we are from Mexico and it is cheaper to travel there, there’d be more opportunities to go compared to Japan. I feel selfish for this as my dad and I aren’t on the absolute best of terms which makes me feel worse about the fact that he’s paying for everything (I am very young and starting college next month and do not have a job). I talked with him on the phone and he reiterated to me that he has saved money for the past months just for our trip and that despite us not being on the best of terms it, in other words, wouldn’t change a thing in terms of us going or him making this effort for me. My sisters thought he might’ve taken out a loan for us to go and he reassured me he did not (if that were the case I would’ve absolutely made him cancel) and since his hardship I was worried overall I just feel really guilty and I don’t want my ocd to interfere and keep making me run through the details or ruin my time when we go because of the guilt I’ll be feeling. Any advice or wise words?

Two years ago, I went to a concert of my favorite artist. I listened to this artist every single day and was super excited to go, even though I saw him numerous times to that point. I went with some friends and my now ex-boyfriend. Admittedly, I drank WAY too much. I do not recall the last hour of the concert (I do not drink anymore). Of course, my OCD ran with this and for two years, I have been worried I did something awful that I do not remember, like hurt someone, etc. Since the concert, I barely listen to the artist because it causes me so much anxiety. I am supposed to go to a concert tomorrow for this artist, but I am terrified to go because I am worried I will be recognized as the drunk girl who kept requesting songs or if I did do something awful at the last concert. I really do not know what to do. What would your advice be?

I have no clue when the last time I washed my hair was. I write down when I did on my calendar so I can make sure I don't go too long without washing. I'm too scared to see when the last time was, I know it will make me feel more gross and uncomfortable. I have enough shampoo and conditioner. But the one little stupid thing stopping me is my bonnet. A while ago, I wore my bonnet outside. When I went back inside, my head was itchy. I realized that some pollen must have gotten stuck in my bonnet. I have allergies. So, I figured it was no big deal and washed it in the sink. Then, my OCD gave me a habit of washing my bonnet every time I went outside, even if it was only for one minute to refill the dogs water bowl. And the washing got even worse, my OCD making me dip it in the water a certain amount of times and a bunch of other stuff. What happened recently was I opened the screen on the balcony to get my dog to come into the house, and I leaned a little outside while I was wearing my bonnet. My OCD made me think my bonnet was dirty again. It's not very easy to just ignore this compulsion. This one makes me think if I don't wash it, there will be pollen on it or other allergens and when I wear my bonnet when I go to sleep I will suffocate from my allergies and die in my sleep. I have no clue how to combat this. Hand washing it is really hard because of my OCD. I would love to wash my hair right now so I can feel clean, and not feel so embarrassed every time I leave the house, but I can't use my bonnet without intense fear. I was thinking, maybe I should buy a new bonnet and put away the old one until I feel better about it? Although I would have to wash the new one too because I don't really want to wear one that hasn't been washed before because new clothes are usually sprayed in chemicals to prevent bugs. I guess I could go to the store and buy one. Or just use the bonnet I already have. The reason I feel like I have to use a bonnet after washing my hair is also OCD I think, I'm not sure if it's OCD or logical. My hair will be very wet after washing it, and if I sleep in bed with wet hair the pillows and stuff could get moldy. I'm having success getting better from all my other OCD problems except for this one. Please, I could really appreciate some advice on how to beat this. I have a therapist but she doesn't specialize in OCD so she often doesn't know what to do for my problems. I really just want to wash my hair today.

i’ve done so many horrible things and i’m just so scared that i don’t deserve anything good in life

Hi everyone, I’m really struggling right now and could use some support from people who understand OCD and how it twists things. I’m stuck in a spiral about a fear that I know is likely irrational, but it still feels terrifying and real. I recently woke up with a small, light scratch on my face. It looks just like scratches I’ve had before — possibly from my cat, who sleeps near me, or from scratching myself in my sleep. But my OCD latched onto a very specific fear: “What if a bat got into my room while I was sleeping and scratched me?” Here’s why my brain went there: A few days earlier, my mom went into the attic, and yesterday realized the attic door might not have been fully closed — maybe slightly cracked open. When I pulled on it, it made a thud, like it clicked shut tighter. Now OCD keeps telling me: • “What if it had been open for a couple of days?” • “What if a bat flew in, scratched you, and left?” • “What if this scratch is from a bat and you didn’t feel it — and now you’ll get rabies?” Even though: • I’ve had many similar scratches before with normal explanations • My cat didn’t act weird, didn’t chase anything, and shows no signs of reacting to anything in the room • I’ve seen no signs of a bat — no droppings, sounds, or sightings • we’ve never had bats in the house • I know the odds of this happening are minuscule …my brain keeps demanding 100% certainty. It’s obsessing over what ifs and convincing me I’m in danger — not because of evidence, but because I feel like I need to be absolutely sure I’m safe. I’m aware this is reassurance-seeking, but I’m also trying to step outside the spiral and ask for reality checks from people who understand. Has anyone else had OCD latch onto rabies or animal exposure fears like this? Or fears about scratches and feeling like you missed something? Had a similar worry about rabies last year due to a mark behind my ear yet nothing came of it

For context: ive been diagnosed with arfid. But my brain refuses to accept it and that i don’t have an issue with eating. So this past weekend has been anything but chill. Today felt like the tip of the iceberg. My mom called me out for having an irrational fear of food textures, food appearances, and smells i find distasteful and told me i just let myself get too carried away by the “what if” “could be” “might be” “looks like/smells like/tastes like..” thoughts. I just have to get over it essentially and stop giving it too much meaning. Its ridiculous. I was taken aback cos we weren’t even talking about food to begin with and it just sort of came up with her. Still in disbelief and so frustrated. Seriously thinking about just isolating myself and not talk to anyone about anything cos i don’t know what to do anymore.

Hi. I'm just sort of feeling kind of shitty and in moments like these I tend to swing to one extreme or the other, like methodicially and intensely trying to pull apart every piece of what I am feeling and why, determine what is a "real" problem and what is just a bad mood, and take action to "fix" myself, the problem, or ensure that future me will fix it by setting reminders, planning, or just generally freaking out lol. That can all be a bit compulsive, but I don't want to do my other thing, which is just aggressively ignore or try to deny my feelings because they are "not real" or I just need to "let them go". But I'm feeling a little frozen in my fears so I am hoping de-tangling it a bit in words here will be a good middle ground. I'm about to be a senior in college, and I live in the city where my school is. I haven't seen my family for a bit and I am currently spending a weekend with them at the beach. Today was just kind of rough and has made the past, present, and future collide in my head, fanning fears of both external problems and the fear of fear itself, the fear of OCD spirals. I want to more specically describe the problems I have been having since starting college, but I guess for getting through today that isn't really the point. I guess just....I've been trying to create a life for myself and become someone who is strong enough to live it. I have ADHD and OCD and sometimes it just feels like half my energy goes to functioning through that, and the other half goes to resisting the OCD-urge to spiral about the future, to fear I'll let my life fall apart or won't be able to fix the normal, big and small problems life brings. Today has just felt.....hard. I ate something that made me really sick last night, and I didn't take my normal dose of Adderall today or yesterday which can just make me sort of sleepy. On both phsyical counts, I think I'm fine and don't really feel bad anymore, it just sort of triggered some overthinking. I feel scared that feeling kind of tired has/will effect my ability to enjoy what is supposed to be a relaxing time, or that I won't' have as much energy as I should to do things with my family and will disspoint them. I'm scared that the journey back to the city tomorrow will be chaotic and awful, and that when I return I will continue to make mistakes that put me in negative cycles. Strangely, I'm kind of aware that all of these concerns are either possibly not going to happen, or are just things I definetely cannot do anything about right now. I'm just sort of...frustrated that I can't easily shove away worries I know to be "illogical" and deeply afraid of spiraling deeper. All of these different things overlapping right now just sort of make me feel like I've failed. Failed to.....I don't know, resist compulsions and get over them faster, accomplish things in life and school faster/more, be less socially anxious. Failed to get on the right track, to make any kind of progress. Strangely, a lot of the discomfort I'm feeling in this moment indirectly sort of comes from things I am doing "right", to break cycles. I didn't bring my meds because I want to work on the discomfort I feel with spending time without the goal of productivity, I don't have an exact plan for everything I need to do and I have not psyched myself up to tackled my most urgent goals when I get home because I've also been working on finding ways of doing uncomfortable things that don't involve motivating myself through terror when I can't do anything about it. I'm letting myself take time to cry about all these feelings and write this out here because I don't want to deny myself what I need to get better because I feel like I shouldn't need it. I'm hoping, in a way, even the shitty day I've had today is a sign of progress, my OCD desperately seeking a host in fear of fear because I am beating other compulsions. I think there's also something to be said for the unserious but still powerful issue of just fucking being on vacation with your extended family. Like....its hard to take a moment to cry it out or calm yourself down when you're sharing a bedroom with your mom and sister. I'm feeling glad I'm going home tomorrow, scared of how I might feel when I do, and I guess....fearful of what it means that I wasn't "able" to enjoy myself for the whole time I was here. But those feelings do feel much more distant, after writing this. The time will pass and I will go home regardless. When I get home, maybe I will make "better" choices or be "stronger", maybe I will dig a deep hole for myself. Either way, that's not my burden right now or today. I've tried that method and it didn't get me what I want.

I fear my own mind, and the intrusive thoughts and obsessions that come with it. I'm 19 years old and am so scared that I put up so many walls that it comes down to so much that it makes me sometimes spiral. It hurts to show vulnerability. Some of these thoughts involve children, and its especially easy to hurt a child these days with the presence of the internet. I just want to improve and get back to where I was before all of this. I want my life back.