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Does anybody have time to talk

TW: mentions of S3xu@l @buse Like the title said I had a really horrible dream of my abuser performing oral sex on me. And Inside the dream I kept having the same feelings I had the day he abused me. I had also the same feelings I have when my OCD attacks. The thing is my brain kept trying to switch his imagury of that of a woman (which is way more pleasing) still I remember his face and I woke up with a lot of anxiety and disgust. I honestly hated it I know OCD can affect dreams I just hope this doesn't become recurring... I really don't know what to say anymore. I didn't enjoy it but my OCD keeps trying to say I did. I think this is the worse part of it really.

I, like so many others, have had ocd for most of my life. I have had many themes throughout my life. I am a mom and have had harm and pocd as well. For me those have been the most difficult and most painful themes. I have seen many people post on this app and they have had some pretty horrible and disturbing intrusive thoughts or false memories and real events ect. much worse than mine and I have never judged anyone because I know how bad ocd and intrusive thoughts can get. I had someone comment on a post I made recently asking me if I even have ocd insinuating it’s not ocd and i’m a actually just a pedo. That upset me so much because anyone who has experienced pocd knows how horrific and disturbing the intrusive thoughts can get and how opposite of who we really are ocd is. Our ocd already makes us doubt ourselves so to have a fellow sufferer of ocd say something like that can be so damaging. So many people are afraid to seek help or post on apps like this out of fear of being judged so we have to be mindful of what we comment. This person, after reading their bio has never experienced that theme and so they have no idea what it’s like or how bad it can get. I am writing this post because I think we need to be more understanding of those who suffer with themes we haven’t and not be judgmental especially if we don’t know them or their ocd story and what they have been through. I beat my ocd and for years I was ocd free until a recent stressful situation in my life and it came back and has been relentless and worse than ever before. I have had so many kind people give me great support on this app and I give support as much as I can when I see posts of others going through similar things as me. Be kind and think before you comment.

I'm so scared that by thinking about things I can make them happen. I know that's a central thing in OCD but I googled it and a lot of people actually say that if you think about stuff you can make it happen. I've been processing a lot of trauma and having intrusive thoughts about it and I'm so scared that if I think about people who hurt me it will make them contact me and it's making me feel really paranoid and scared and panic and I'm just so scared that I'm somehow conjuring bad people to come into my life and that I'm going to somehow get sucked back into my past or that I am somehow calling people close to me who could hurt me or that something bad is going to happen to me because my thoughts have been so scary and triggering. I'm also feeling really dissociated and I'm worried that these thoughts are actually me starting to have some sort of a psychotic break or something. Please help I'm so scared.

I have this phobia of sleepwalking and doing something bad without me realising. Las night something happened that made me think I could've sleep walked and do something horrible. I woke up at like 4 am wanting to go to pee so I got up normally and before I reached the bathroom I had a bad intrusive thought of doing harm but I just tried to ignore it. After I left the bathroom I went straight to my room and fell asleep almost immediately. However this morning when I woke up my dad asked me why I left the kitchen cabinets open and took out a pack of napkins. I froze and felt my blood turn cold when I heard that because there are knives in those drawers. I told him that maybe he took them out and don't remember but he said he didn't do that and never got up during the night. I asked everyone else that was here last night and they said they didn't do that either. Now i'm here literally shaking, feeling like losing my mind and crying histerically because first thing I thought was that I slept walked after having that intrusive thought and opened the kitchen cabinets to take out a kn*ife to do something horrible. I am absolutely terrified if that happened, I clearly don't remember doing that, I only remember going to the bathroom, peeing and going back to the bedroom right away. This couldn't have hapened right?! I would remember if I had slept walked and did that, right?! I don't have a history of sleep walking in the past, as far as I know. I have no explanation to this incident and I feel like i'm about to have a nervous breakdown and feel like I need to find out what really happened yes or yes or I will not be able to cope. Someone please help?!!

So ever since I was little now that I think about it I might have had ocd I would had what some would call rocd and have intrusive thoughts like I hate god or I sold my soul obviously being a kid I didn't know what ocd was cause I always thought it was about organization and etc but everytime I would have to do mental compulsion like everytime I got a thought like that I had to ask for forgiveness I eventually stopped as I got older and now I would call myself an agnostic but at the start of this year I started having intrusive thoughts about harming myself and others after I was having bad panic attack every day due to stress I obviously could tell I was not doing okay so started researching and found out about schizophrenia(worst thing I have ever done)my brain automatically went hyperaware of everything,every sound,vision etc also scared that I would go insane and hurt someone so anytime I would hear something or see anything I would get terrified thinking I could be hallucinating I remember even getting my mom to take me to the hospital it was so bad even tried to go to the 7th floor which is the floor for mentally ill patients but they just brushed it off and said it was probably due to anxiety so fast forward I start seeing a doctor he also said he didn't think I was schizophrenic after telling him a he prescribed me medication ssri 100mg He started actually doing better got another job and started doing well I still had the thoughts and fear of schizophrenia but didn't bother me that's when I had the thought what if my brother is trying to kill me that's when it spiraled with these thoughts having paranoid thoughts about what if people are plotting against me and not what ifs but they are but I 1000000000% don't believe them and know that's crazy no one is plotting or trying to hurt me but I became obsessed with this new thought and the new theme switched,I mean technically the same theme cause it is the fear of schizophrenia but the thoughts changed I guess probably because I researched so much about schizophrenia now I'm even more scared I'm becoming schizophrenic cause these paranoid thoughts worry me because I start to think what if I believe them like I know I don't but what if I do,I always see that schizophrenic are paranoid about this and I know I don't believe them but it's like my mind is always thinking about it I mean I could literally be walking outside,shopping,doing whatever I'm doing see someone and have the thought there plotting against me or trying to kill me and I'm like what noooooo what the hell who thinks that,a schizophrenic of course and I have to constantly research everyday my symptoms of paranoid thinking and it's hard because I hear everybody else relate to being scared of developing it but mine really does like I'm having actual paranoid thoughts that again I know is insane and not true I even got a therapist she also said she doesn't believe I have it but trauma she didn't say anything about ocd though so it's like what is it then schizophrenia these thoughts just distress me so much cause what if I start believing them and they feel so real cause most people have what ifs mine are they are but I still 1000000% don't believe them

I was doing fine and right now I’m ok but I still have this mental anxiety. Basically I keep seeing images when I’m in the bathroom of me putting the paper on my mouth or face. It’s so gross. I can’t get the image out of my head. It’s based on a true event like I really did go to the bathroom but I didn’t do that I know I didn’t because I checked my face and my mouth after there was nothing there no drops of anything and I didn’t even lift my hand to do something like that. Also in the moment I didn’t have anxiety but as soon as I washed my hands and stepped out of the bathroom how come I got anxiety and images then? Well actually I didn’t have some anxiety during but the thing is I’ve been paranoid about using the bathroom for a few days now so every time I go I get scared. Actually not every time it’s only really specific times. I don’t understand any of this if anyone has any answers please help me. This even affects me when I shower and it’s ruining my life.

I just started working on my first exposure today with my therapist after screening and creating the lists for several weeks now. We did an exposure together and now I feel 100x worse than I did coming in. I won’t go too into detail but it involved looking at a VERY gory image that had to do with my fear of natural disasters. I called my mom and talked with her and she was shocked and wondered how in the hell that would help me! I agree. Did any of y’all feel this way when you first started or is this just not the right kind of therapy for me?

So I'm at a point where if I don't get through this trauma I've had as a kid, I don't think I'll make much progress for my mental health. Last night was absolutely terrible. I just got stuck in a loop with my negative thoughts and triggers all the way to the past. There's a reason why I keep thinking of the past so much: There's trauma there. Trauma that was mostly out of my control. When it was in my control, I didn't have the knowledge to navigate through it. I'm just trying to push through the week. I don't feel like doing anything and I can't stop thinking about how unfair all of this is for me. I guess that's a start: Knowing that I deserved better than this and that I still do deserve better. My low self esteem, being hard on myself, low confidence, shame, guilt, and negative thoughts. I think it all just comes back to this every single time.

i had some intense intrusive thoughts about the past while trying to sleep and it scared the hell out of me to the point that i couldn't sleep. i just woke up this morning feeling like crap after getting a nightmare afterwards.

The pain of ocd is unbearable...I know it's not me. But why do I have these thoughts? What's wrong with me?! People should stay away from me. I'd rather my arms be cut off than harm someone. I hate me...the medication isn't working. I keep remembering past mistakes adding to all the reasons I think I'm evil. Seemingly validating my ocd intrusive thoughts...I can't do this. I wish I had a therapist. I wish I could afford this app.

Is the brain really that clever that it can distort real memories? Looking back part of my false memory could actually be true but I’m so sure the other parts never happened (the bad parts) I don’t remember them. Is the brain really that clever to add false memories to real memories? It feels like because mine contains reality it must alll be real, but I don’t remember the bad parts and I think I’m confused. This is also worse for me if I’ve had alcohol. This also started from a what if and intrusive thoughts.

earlier i got a thought but it didn’t cause me anxiety and i brushed it off now i’m worried it was my true actual intention and i can’t remember if it was i don’t know why it’s not making me anxious, maybe cos i know how bizarre it is and that i wasnt actually doing that? but my memory is so blurred and i dont know anymore

In May, I began experiencing what I now suspect to be OCD. I started obsessively worrying about things that people around me assured me weren’t worth the concern. I found myself ruminating on past events, convinced that they could ruin my life. I sent texts to people I knew years ago, apologizing and seeking reassurance that I hadn’t done anything wrong. This often confused them, and I knew, deep down, that these worries were irrational. I laughed about it with friends, yet couldn’t fully let go of the fear. Small mistakes began to feel like life-altering threats. Getting my dream job seemed to intensify these symptoms—I became anxious about being canceled, losing my career, and being judged by strangers for things I regret. I identified my main symptoms as real-event OCD. Even sharing this post makes me anxious. My most recent fixation is my last relationship, which ended last year. We loved each other deeply, but the relationship became toxic—characterized by arguments and a lack of trust. I had been in a really bad relationship before that, and avoided dating for years out of fear. But when I started this relationship, it forced me to confront those lingering issues. I tried to manage them on my own but failed, becoming the toxic partner in the process. I should have gone to therapy to address my insecurities, but instead, I projected them onto my partner. While my partner wasn’t perfect either, I recognize now that a lot of the issues stemmed from me. After the breakup, I went to therapy and finally did the work I should have done sooner. Now, a year later, I feel I’ve genuinely changed. I’m more empathetic and have worked through past traumas to become a better partner. However, with my OCD flaring up recently, I’ve been fixating on the mistakes I made in that relationship. I can’t seem to forgive myself, and I’m constantly anxious about being canceled. It feels like my efforts to change and grow might not matter—like people won’t care that I’ve become better. I did reach out to my ex to apologize, and while they didn’t respond, I understand that decision, as I made it clear there was no pressure to reply. Friends tell me we were both young and immature, and that what matters is how we’ve grown since then. They say it’s common to have toxic relationships at a young age, but I feel that’s too easy an excuse. Does change matter? I don’t know how to forgive myself, and I can’t tell how much of my worry is driven by OCD and how much by reasonable guilt. TLDR: I was a bad partner in a relationship, have since gone through therapy to be a better person, and am struggling to forgive myself for past mistakes.

Hello all. I have been doing really well with my contamination OCD but an event from my past stuck in my head yesterday and last night and made me miss sleep so I thought I would share my story because people have helped me in the past after I have posted. I coached my child's sports team and they finished in first place for the regular season for two years in a row. In the second season there was an injury late in the season and we didn't make it to the championship game but I am pretty okay with that cuz I don't feel responsible in any way. The first season we lost a double elimination championship game. We had The Bases Loaded in the bottom of the last inning and didn't score and then lost an extra innings. I started to remember how bad I felt and how I felt responsible for the loss even though there was no direct decision that I made that caused the loss. I then started to reassure myself that everyone's disappointment is dealt with and ends eventually. I then started to think that the loss will never leave them cuz it'll stay with their soul even after they pass away. I don't often think of this but something yesterday triggered it for me. Any feedback would be appreciated especially for those who feel something happened that they can't make right and get past in their own head.

Today I had a really bad flare up. I left for work, and as soon as we got on the highway, I had an overwhelming fear I forgot to turn off my flat iron. I compulsively googled the user manual of my iron to see if it would auto turn off. Went on multiple subreddits finding the answer. Googled how many apartments were burnt down this year due to hot tools. I posted on the NOCD app. I told my boyfriend I had an upset stomach to plan for my escape from work so he “wouldn’t know” it was OCD. I got to work, went to the bathroom and had a panic attack, lasted a whole 10 more minutes more before I made myself sick and started crying at my desk. I told my coworkers and boss it was because of stomach flu and left. I heard sirens on my hour long ride home and was convinced they were headed to our apartment for a fire I started. I got home, I was scared to go into my actual building even though my complex itself was still standing. And when I entered, the flat iron was not only turned off but unplugged and rolled up, put away. I “knew” I had some memory of doing this but couldn’t remember for certain and convinced myself that I was just telling myself lies. I’m sitting here hours and a lot of ERP later, and while I’m a lot better, I’m also crying writing this - allowing myself to realize that OCD won today. I’ve gratefully been at a really healthy place these last 9-10 months but I needed to post this for accountability. There are going to be bad days. But it’s how we react to them what matters. I’m not letting this make me go down a spiral. Hope everyone is doing well out there - thinking of you no matter where you are on your journey.

I'm trying not to google, but I remember reading dozens of times that there are peds who feel bad for being peds. And actually there are communities? (i don't know how to call them) of non offending peds, who I'm guessing don't want to act on their thoughts because they know it's wrong. I have never ever done anything bad, but my fear is that the attraction is there. It feels completely real. My brain gives me reasons why. My chest feels so heavy. I'm trying to push through but I can't think of anything else. I am on meds now. I've been for 4 weeks. But what if that doesn't work either. HELP!!!!!

In May I started having what I’d later come to suspect as OCD. I started worrying about things that people around me told me I didn’t need to worry about. I started deeply ruminating on these possible events that I thought could ruin my life. I sent texts to people I had known years earlier apologizing and making sure I didn’t do anything wrong, much to their confusion. Also to my confusion, I knew deep down that I didn’t need to worry about these things, I laughed about it with friends, but I also didn’t know. The big mistakes I had made turned into things that could destroy my future. I got my dream job and to me, it awakened the OCD symptoms that started out of nowhere for me in May. I started to worry about being cancelled and losing my job, and having people that I didn’t even know judge me for things I regret. I identified my main symptoms as real-event OCD. I hoped it would pass but it didn’t. Even posting here worries me. I’d get over one event, and another would pop up. I’d get over another event and I’d go back to the event I’d gotten over— it never ended. I decided last week that I wanted to get formally diagnosed and begin therapy. And it’s almost like my brain tuned it up another level when I decided that. I think I’m starting to get false memories, and I’m only saying think, because I’m still typing this wondering if I did these things. I haven’t done the work to find a therapist or doctor because I’ve been so weighed down these past few days, it’s been impacting my sleep and job performance and it just feels like a spiral I’ve never experienced before. I’m writing this I guess to see if these things I’m feeling are normal, and if this community has any tips. Also don’t want to be that person who self-diagnoses, it just feels so strongly like OCD and I am seeking the real diagnosis. TLDR: Got OCD symptoms out of nowhere and it got progressively worse over a few months. Is that normal and what tips are there before treatment?

So a few days ago I sexually harassed someone on accident. I zoned off at work and my gaze landed on someone else's crotch for a time. I immediately looked away once I became aware if this but I am pretty sure the damage has already been done. I have become a sex offender. And it is one of the worst things I can imagine to be. At first I hoped the person didn't notice but today they didn't greet me back, so they probably did and avoid me because of what I did to them. I don't know how to move forward. I plan on apologizing tomorrow. But even after, I just don't know how I can live with being a sex offender. I just want to kms because of this to be honest.

Ocd ruins my life, my self esteem, my motivation, my relationship and time with my kids. It was in remission for years but came back and has been an endless nightmare ever since. The fear, sadness, frustration and anxiety, the constant analyzing everything I do, think and feel. The self judgement are 24/7. I have it all. Intrusive thoughts, false memories, guilt from real events, many of the themes and quirks. Somehow I push through every day to be the mother and provider I need to be with all the responsibility and love and nurturing and I do all I need to do without anyone knowing the deep sadness I feel due to this disorder. The intrusive thoughts are painful and torturous, the false memories always haunting me if I did the horrible thing or not. The upsetting quirks(things I do, think or feel that are considered wrong but I don’t actually have a wrong motive behind it). Thank goodness only twice in my life have I had a scary intense ocd urge that I was able to reject. I have upsetting ocd dreams and wake up flooded with intrusive thoughts some mornings though I try to start each day with a strong and positive mindset. I feel defeated and like the only way out will be when I die. Yes therapy and meds help but it’s not fool proof. This isn’t life. This disorder is a nightmare and the fear that my kids could genetically develop it scares me so much. I never want them to feel or live like this. This app and the kind, beautiful people on it are a blessing yet I still feel so alone.