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I need some opinions. I have had ROCD (I think) for about 1.5 years now and I have had crazy thoughts since then. Tonight I feel as if, if we were to break up I wld be happy and not care at all anymore

Has anyone else gotten into a relationship before realizing that it not only started but continued due to false attraction? So in November I got out of an admittedly toxic relationship (unfortunately on both ends) and I had been in it for a year and three months. If I'm being completely honest within the first 3 months I realized that it was false attraction, but I didn't want to out right break up with him since he was also not mentally well. So, I stupidly started self sabotaging. As I said, it ended up being completely toxic, we got into plenty of arguments that rarely got resolved. There was worse things that happened than the arguments, but that's besides the point. I started it when I shouldn't have. At most I had somewhat of an aesthetic attraction to him. He had a look that I really liked at the time (long hair 😭.) But, I honestly didn't like anything else. His personality wasn't very good, he was rude as a "joke" (it was never funny to me) also he was 11 months younger than me. I know it's not an insane gap by any means, but it's just not something that I want in a relationship. I prefer my partners to be same age to like a year older. Not to mention there was a pretty clear maturity gap. If I'm being completely honest, I saw him as a friend (sometimes barely that.) Like I said, I'm aware that it was completely on me and I was wrong for it. But, has anyone gone through something similar? Hopefully not something too toxic.

Feeling so devastated. I need advice. I have a really great co-worker/friend that I have known for two years now. We have become great friends over time. Today, I came back to work after a two week vacation and was so excited to see all my co workers again (him being one of them). I said hello how are you etc in the way I always do and he immediately said hi! Your face looks chubby. I was taken aback because this is not how you want your face to be described. But I kind of laughed it off and said lol that’s not a compliment. He said he meant it in a good way and that we were friends so he thought I would understand. I again am still laughing and as we were talking about this, a newer co-worker came over to chat. I said to her “would you want your face to be called chubby?” And she said no that’s not nice for a girl to hear even from a friend. She then walked off to go serve a table. Keep in mind I was giggling the whole time because my co worker thought that word was a compliment. I wasn’t actually mad. I brought in that other co worker to confirm what I was saying. Kind of like a hey you see it like this too right? Type of scenario. My coworker/ friend then proceeded to essentially go off on me. He was so angry that I would embarrass him like that and say those things in front of the new coworker. I wasn’t actually mad completely shocked. I was the one who was originally insulted and I was just trying to make the situation light by talking about it and laughing and he competently got so angry at me. I said wait whoa it was just a joke and he said well it didn’t fucking feel like it and then walked away. He then proceeded to talk to my other co workers about it essentially saying “why would she say that. She made me look so bad that was so embarrassing. Etc.” He hasn’t spoken to me since. I am so hurt and anxious by this situation. I hate to be ignored and I hate conflict. I genuinely don’t think I did anything wrong however. I feel awful that I made him feel embarrassed but his reaction to me was just so upsetting. He has never snapped at me before. We have never had an issue and have always been so understanding. My feeling is that he probably has a crush on this girl and felt embarrassed that he said something mean and now feels like he has no chance with her? Idk. That’s one guess. I want to apologize because I hate not talking it out and not being able to explain myself but I always end up apologizing for things that are not necessarily my fault. I just want to break the silence because it’s so uncomfortable. It’s almost a compulsion. But I am trying to stand my ground and be strong and not go into a rant about how sorry I am etc. when he was the one that made a rude comment to begin with. I would love someone’s advice on this and what I should end up doing. It’s just hurts so bad right now I have been ruminating over this all day. I can’t think of anything else.

I’m a teacher, and for the last two school breaks, my harm OCD spikes regarding my girlfriend. The first one was winter break (It came back after three years), and when I was recovering, it came back in the beginning of June. Just out of nowhere. Even though I know it’s OCD, it still scares the hell out of me and I spiral for weeks and weeks. Does anyone else have spikes and relapses when there are breaks in your routine?

Does anyone else get like super irritated with their partner due to fixation? I get irritated that my partner can’t run well… or that he is not socially the same as some other men that I thought I would be with. We connect extremely well we hang out well he’s a wonderful guy he’s funny, but sometimes I just get irritated at mannerisms the way he talks etc. I feel HORRIBLE I’m afraid I don’t like him as much… this is horrendous for me

I have completed given up utterly I'm tired and I just have accepted the fact that I'm too much ,I'm too troubled to be loved ,It's like I'm allergic to peace .can anyone please give some advice

Not directly OCD related, but: The therapist I will be talking to is not yet my official therapist and to keep a long story as short as possible: I’m from Germany, you usually get 1-2 sessions without “signing a contract” to see if you get along, I haven’t signed yet because I honestly want a different therapist but I also don’t want to wait 6 months and this will already be my 4th session with her. This time, me and my best friend will both attend at the same time since we’ve had ongoing and reoccurring issues for the past 6 months in our friendship, including confusing romantic feelings on my behalf and an overall misunderstanding and misinterpretation of each others feelings towards each other. We both recently graduated and she already knows what university she will be attending (somewhat pretty far away from mine) and even if I wanted to I most likely can’t live near her or attend the same uni. I don’t know how to explain this, but I have been grieving part of our friendship for the past year and the first time I felt like something was off was about 1 1/2 years ago. We haven’t been friends for that long (about 2 1/2 years) but we became very close friends very quickly and I do not want to lose her. However, I do feel like she has changed. Not personality wise but in her attitude towards emotions and friendship? We used to talk so much more and everything felt happier in the beginning as it does now. Obviously our friendship has had its hardships in the last 6 months (she liked/likes(?) a boy, I liked/like(?) her, she used to like be but only in the beginning of our friendship) but I miss our conversations and picknicks and just hanging out with her like normal. We also hat a time in which we didn’t talk to each other for almost 2 months and NOTHING about this made anything easier. I’m genuinely trying to detach myself from her like she did with me but nothing works. Last week we had our high school grad ceremony and we danced and when I held her hands to guide her through the people dancing, I felt those stupid butterflies again and I genuinely don’t know what to do. Sometimes I think I wouldn’t even befriend now her if we were strangers, but we made so many memories and I hate change and graduating, moving away from ALL of my friends and losing the best friend I ever had is too much for me. I get so jealous thinking about how she is going to met new friends at uni and finding a partner and forgetting about me. And I don’t know how to say any of this tomorrow because my therapist honestly doesn’t seem to care about anything I say and neither does my friend. Everytime I say that I feel like there is an issue we need to solve or talk about she just shakes it off. I feel helpless.

I was with my sister today. When I look at her, sex images pop up and I have to imagine them because in a second I feel very clearly like I like it. I ignored it the whole time but it feels real and I'm not calm.

I think it‘s not SO-OCD anymore. Too many real evidences from the past. At the time i was 12 years old and i had a girl-bestfriend. I really thought she‘s beautiful my heart dropped when i saw her and i even said after a fight with her that i love her. Real evidences from my past. The same when i was 5 years old. My then girl bestfriend and me got into an argue and i went to my mom to tell her that we had a fight and that i love her so much. I don‘t know i just think that makes me a lesbian. Is there someone with same experiences as me? I‘m 29 years old and i would love to habe a relationship

So I recently met this girl and honestly she is amazing. She’s beautiful and her personality is perfect. She lives only 15 min away from me and I feel blessed to have a chance to get to know her, we both feel the same. But here comes OCD to ruin it. My OCD has latched onto a friend of mine. He’s a pretty close friend and we talk often. He’s never really one to let out a laugh so I always like to hear him laugh and just be able to have a good time. Partially it’s because I just don’t want to think I’m annoying and unfunny, I’m pretty self concious about myself. OCD is turning this into some sort of scary what if I like him question. I don’t have romantic feelings for my friend and I don’t actually want to be with a man. I am a straight male and getting to know this girl has been a blessing. OCD makes me feel in denial and as if I’m lying to myself. I hate this. It feels awful, when I haven’t felt this way about a girl in a long time

Has anyone else had a rough start? I’m 4 sessions in and have had no actual ERP work happen, I have 2 different therapists because none have availability to meet 2 times a week. Both those therapists are not available for the next 2 weeks so now I’m going to see a new 3rd one. Each time I’ve seen a new therapist I feel like the whole first session is spent with them re explaining everything. I’m paying for this out of pocket because they don’t accept Tricare which is my insurance as a Retired Marine. So I’m 960 in, and honestly feel worse than when I started. I get zero suggestions on what to do between sessions and feel so incomplete after my session finishes. I feel like I’ve gotten more help asking chat gpt questions on EPR and how to deal with ROCD than I do in my sessions . Does anyone have any insight or helpful advice here?

Hey, my girlfriend recently broke up with me and immediately got with a guy she had told me not to worry about. For her side of things, she hadn’t admitted to herself that she had feelings for him but then started thinking she was polyamorous since she says she has feelings for both of us. Since I’m not poly, she decided it wasn’t fair to me if she had feelings for this guy. But it really hurts since 1. I have ROCD and was terrified this would happen 2. They were flirting in front of me the other day after she had assured me she didn’t have feelings for him and 3. They had agreed to date before we had broken up, even if they only made it official afterwards. I can’t help wondering if her feelings for me were all a lie until something better came along, and since this was my first relationship it feels like I’m unlovable. Even if she says she broke up with me because she’s questioning her identity, it still feels like I’m just a side character in the love story of someone else more important and worthwhile. My OCD has really latched onto it all because it feels proven right. Any advice?

Please be gentle. (Diagnosed OCD and highly suspected BPD) I lost my grandmother, someone I was very close to a month ago. My dad was diagnosed with cancer, his health is declining rapidly. My grandfather speaks of committing because of the loss of his wife. My job has become completely mentally and physically exhausting. And a close friend blocked me for unknown reasons And I’ve been coping in unhealthy ways. I stupidly weened myself off of my meds after 3 consecutive years of taking meds. I wanted to ‘feel’ again. I am an individual with very strong morals. I’d never usually do things I don’t agree with. For example sending explicit images. Something I’ve never done and said I’d never do. However i recently did it. I’m completely disgusted in myself. I never did it for pleasure, I did it because I liked the positive comments in return. I didn’t show my face in the images, but my tattoos were there, and we exchanged selfies previously. I used a fake name. I panicked and deleted everything after a few days. Blocked him. But I’m terrified he’ll spread them, or they’ll somehow lead back to me. (We are both adults btw) I’m completely disgusted, paranoid and ashamed at what I’ve done. There’s no excuse why, but I can’t forget it, I’m terrified they’ll come back to me somehow. It’s something I’ll never. Ever. Do again. I have no idea how to cope with all of this.

I’m just now processing some memories I had compartmentalized. New & Old memories. I am now piecing together patterns with people in said memories. I’m honestly in-between passive aggressive route which are not health-(accountability I know)—( I was raised to not express any negative feelings), Confronting said feelings with people who are definitely not ready in anyway shape or form (gaslighting and amnesia on their part) or Just spas out on everyone involved in a major way. I know this because I disassociate mentally to keep me at bay. OKAY BYE 🤷🏽‍♀️

I’ve always been straight my whole life and I’ve never considered being different nor have i ever had attraction to women but lately I’ve been going through a lot of different thoughts that definitely feel unlike me. When I was a kid and I don’t remember how old I was but im sure like 7 or 8 and my cousin that was I very close to had me do inappropriate things to her that I didn’t really know anything about at that time. After that happened to me I knew it was wrong and I felt so bad and disgusting and scared but at the time I didn’t really know anything and I remember when my mom would drop me over my grandmas house while she would work, I’d take my grandma’s phone and I looked up kissing videos and I saw the kissing scene from Jennifer’s body and looking back on it I just feel so much shame and confusion bc it certainly feels embarrassing. My cousin always liked girls but I never did. I loved sitting and watching Disney movies preferably princess and the frog and wanting to be a princess getting married to a prince just like in all the movies. I knew who I was from a very young age and that never changed about me. When I learned what porn was at an older age, I started becoming hyper sexual so I watched tutorials videos of women to learn how to pleasure myself. When I was a kid and to now I’ve never looked at women in that way. I’ve had best friends and sleepovers it’s never been anything sexual, romantic, or intimate. Just simply innocent friendships and hangouts. When I got to high school that’s when i started remembering what happened to me and i remember how the girls would talk about their first kisses and i remembered my sa and how I felt so scared to say anything to anyone bc I didn’t want people to think badly of me simply bc my first kiss was like that so I would simply just not say anything. Lately I’ve been having obsessive thoughts out of nowhere wondering if my sexuality has changed or if im bi or is it just my thoughts? I’ve always had ocd and even in school, the kids would pick at me because I always eat my food in order and by the lightest color. But lately it’s gotten worse. It’s like I’ve never had thoughts like this nor have I ever been like this. Not even when I was a child. And humans question themselves of course but this feels like something different. I’ve gotten distant from my best friend who’s also a girl and I’ve just cut off social media and female friend relationships at all because for some reason my brain tells me that it’s “gay” to even hug your friends or hold their hands anymore like you used to do when you were kids. I even got to a point where I would watch women porn and try to masturbate just to see if I was attracted to it or not like that’s how bad the thoughts got. It felt like an evil voice was in my head trying to convince me and sweet talk me to do and enjoy those disgusting things even when my body didn’t want to. I eventually had confided in my bf about it because he was also a victim of sa and so he helped me through it and I stopped doing it but then and my bf (now ex) broke up a couple days ago and now ive been dealing with this alone which feels like the hardest part for me. So I’ve texted my bff a lot to catch up because I’ve been distant dealing with this and I was just checking my phone awaiting for her responses to my texts because she tends to type slow and usually I never think anything of it because I used to check my phone all the time when I would await my boyfriends reply or simply just a text from him and so now im having thoughts like “why am I awaiting her texts” “do I like my friend?” Its just so many obsessive thoughts and so much overthinking that I am getting tired of because It’s been going on for months so I know this is a lot but please if anyone can please help me I beg, it would be such a great help appreciated bc this has became a really big impact on my life and not in a good way lol. Thank you !!

Hello last year I had gone thru a very rough time In my life where I needed to be put on Zoloft 50mg around march 2024. I was diagnosed with anxiety, depression and OCD. Ive been suffering from OCD since I was like 11 and depression since I was 19, but I never sought help until last year Im 27 because I knew I needed it to help me get thru life. I was on 3 months on Zoloft and I went to a trip to Miami which honestly helped me so much, I honestly attribute that trip to Miami in healing me more than the Zoloft it self. I met my current girlfriend there. After coming back I felt like a new person. I still kept taking the Zoloft 50mg until late April (2025) this year when I decided to tapper down to 25mg by my self without a doc recommendation, I didn’t feel anything during the month of may this year until like may 30th when I woke up in a panic and I felt like I was back at square 1 before I started Zoloft. Mind you ive been thru some life changes, I recently graduated RN school and my gf moved in with me. Ever since the end of may I’ve been very anxious, my OCD is on high gear and my depression too. I went back up to 50mg I’m seeing a new doc, my questions is has anyone gone thru a similar situation? If so what helped you and how long did it take you to stabilize ?

Got a message yesterday that my therapist is taking leave for a few weeks and I don’t have therapy again til the 29th. During this time my wife is going on a trip for work for 5 days and I’m gonna be alone with my son. I’m really worried about having a panic attack in front of my son. Normally my wife is my safe person and helps me so much.

Terrified I’m going to say or do something wrong, as I’ve been known to loose control before, I’m terrified of myself. Something feels badly off all of the time, it feels like sometbing terrible is going to happen any second, all day. Bad night anxiety, stomach dropping, terrified to sleep and that I’ll die in my sleep, terrified I’ll sleep walk and kill someone or harm myself, terrified I’ll wake up to the worst news or someone’s going to need me and I can’t be there for them then they will be mad, harm themselves, ect Summer is always the worst time, spring it starts, fall I seem to do better and good during winter Self harm urges, I feel out of control, I cant stop and I don’t want to stop. I love cutting myself to put it blankly. Terrified everyone is going to leave, so many people have bevause in so bad at controlling myself, my anger, my anxiety, I push EVERHONE away and isolate for weeks BEVAUSE I don’t want to mess up anything but I just end up messing it up either way. I’m terrified brie is going to leave and I need her. I seriously do not think I could live without her. I was like that with Baylee too, and I hate it I know it’s not rifht but I can’t help but rely on her for all my sanity. If she leaves I feel I have nothing, nothinf to live for, it’s really kicked in with her in the mental hospital I’m tired all day everyday, mentally and physically, but yet can’t ever seem to sit still and sleep, really bad insomnia for the past 5 days I don’t want to get better, I really don’t, I want to get as bad as possible. I want to be worse than some of the people I hang out with or see on the streets, I want scars that are noticeable, I want deep cuts, I want to look like I havnt slept in days, I want to get as bad as I possibly can and I don’t know why I don’t even know who I want to be anymore, I don’t know how I want my personality, some weeks I’m a funny, sassy person, then I’m wanting to be a mean snappy quiet person, then I want to be no body at all, either I want to bring light to the room or be the person EVERHONE sees as quiet and self isolated, sometimes I want to be just a calm collected person so on different days in different things, I don’t know who I want to be Very intrusive thoughts about wanting to kill people, myself, an animal, ect One wrong small change in brie and I think she hates me and is wanting to break up with me, then she shows me love again and I feel like everhthing is perfect, if the love isint being presented rifht to my face in a very clear manner then I believe it’s not there Random, constant episodes of “Deja vu” where either everhthing feels fake and the world moves weird like I was drugged, or where I swear I’ve been in thid moment before causing lots of anxiety thinking everytbing around me is fake or everhthing was imagined and I had just zoned out feom the moment I’m deja’ vu’ing and that everything else was never real, Bad memory, remembering thinfs that never happened, and not remembering A LOT of thinfs, even big things Waking up from naps feeling drugged and not knowing where I am, like a bad nap in a super hot room, but it’s EVERY nap Need constant reassurance but the second I get it I don’t believe any of it and push away my partner even though all I want is for her to comfort me

I had a really stressful couple of weeks and it's all hitting me right now. I cannot for the life of me shut off my brain my thoughts for a little and it feels like drowning. It's 1 a.m. here and I'm feeling completely hopeless like this feeling is going to last forever. I'm feeling like I can't use the tools I've been given my my psychologist and my meds feel like they've stopped working. I feel like by the end of the end I'm going to lose my mind. I usually am able to find some silver lining but today has been so bad. Everything triggers me and I have really bad intrusive thoughts about dying and finding some peace but I know that's not what I want. It's just so difficult navigating life when your brain works against you. I'm so tired and defeated and I feel like I have no one to turn to, but even that is some form of reassurance and it makes me spiral that I decide actively against it. I just feel like I'm losing my mind and I'm going "insane" from the distress. All my failed friendships and relationships have come back to haunt me and I feel like I can't get out of the house. All my sort comings are layed out in front of me and I feel like I am the worst person in the world and nothing will fix that. I have some real bad thoughts about my friends and family. And I know alla of this is classic symptoms of OCD but even though I know I can't rationalize and come to peace with them. I'm so envious of people being able to lead a normal life without this burden and in my mind it's just highlights all my shortcomings. I've had moments like this before but the last really nasty one was four years ago when I was yet undiagnosed and I really felt insane back then. I was hoping that when this happened to me again I'd be more capable of handling it but I don't think I am. I'm constantly on a battle against my mind and some times I win and sometimes I lose. I'm sorry for the rant I just feel extremely hopeless right now.

I made posts worrying about age gaps, and I continue to worry. But I'm thinking about just looking at what I believe and what I currently think is moral, and saying whatever to what anyone else says and thinks. About me or others. I think at 18 someone is an adult, and I don't care about age gaps past that. If you're 18+, it's whatever who you date and it's not wrong to be attracted/have sex with someone much younger as long as they are 18+. I worry my thinking is wrong especially because of how many people are against this mindset, but I can't find myself agreeing with them and when I look this up online many opinions vary on what age gaps are okay and what age you become an adult. So, I'm thinking about just saying screw it and not caring about it for myself and other people. If I'm 30 and am sexually/romantically attracted to an 18-year-old, whatever. If someone is 20 and dating a 50-year-old, whatever. Not wrong and not bad.