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Hey I feel like I just have this evil like whirring feeling of anxiety and like “something bad is gonna happen” and feeling you’re going to do things against God or like you already have I guess?

When i think different thoughts then i will think bad thoughts about God. If i close my Eyes, my head or me will think or say bad thoughts toward God If someone give me verse i feel numb like it is still there. The more i think God the more it back Its just so hard to ignore because im still thinking it 'It is okay to not to think God first? 'It is okay not to think God everyday about His love?

Hi!, tell me if i have OCD or scrupulositt For november 2023 its started my blasphemous thoughts like – Saying cuss word to God -Denying Christ – Feeling that i sell my soul – Doubting God (December 2023) – everything that blasphemous To.ease those stuff -i did searching on google -going church for forgiveness -Praying every night [Today, those thoughts of mine were now gone below from 100 to 64% because it morph to new things and therefore those thoughts that i mentioned above were somewhat active on my mind but they go back] TODAY, the things that i suffered is that that doubtibg whether it was intrusive or not for mind saying – Your stupid God -Your useless -I hate you and i really feels that it was intentional because whenever my thinks any thoughts which is not related to religios or to God, after, my mind or me itself will say bad words to God like i need to think also bad thoughts to God. And also, i felt scared when i think God, feel God, or read how people talk about God because of my anxeity, because of my long battle towards religion. I just want to disregard first God (but I’m scared because of that action or plan that i will me made)

OCD is so tiring. I’ve been dating this guy for about 3 months. I reallyyyyy like him. However, it’s also been so exhausting because I’m constantly questioning the relationship, and him. “Is this who God want a for me?” “Is there someone better?” “Do I even like him?” “If someone is good for you, you will be at peace” “Is this OCD or discernment” “follow your gut” I’m just constantly looking for answers! I can’t just be present. I know my upbringing may be apart of this. Im Christian, but my walk with Christ is not perfect. Ive fallen short to temptation and I feel like because of that the relationship won’t work or God is punishing me. Im constantly praying or thinking about what God thinks of me. Probably a compulsion. Which hurts as well because I used to be able to pray freely…if that makes sense. However, this has happened before. I leave someone then I start obsessing over something else. My sexuality or my health or if I have OCD or not. This relationship is still essentially new but this is the first relationship I’ve been open about my mental health struggles. And, I didn’t feel judged. But, my mind is saying if we breakup. I will be happy. I also get triggered by Instagram posts about relationships. It’s apart of my algorithm at this point, but I feel like any post I see is a sign?? It’s just so annoying. Sorry I’m all over the place, but that’s how it feels in my mind. I just need to get these thoughts out. I just want to be content with whatever happens.

Anyone else struggle with prayer? I do it obsessively and I have to do it just right or I think something bad will happen to my loved ones. Ive struggled with it for about 25 yrs. It's makes it so hard for me to pray but if I don't then the fear something terrible is going to happen kicks in I just can't deal with this anymore...

On Sunday, I went to church service and the sermon was about the difference between the natural and supernatural and how God is supernatural. This triggered my obsessions in mental reviewing if I depend on God enough and if my perspective is influenced too much by the natural instead of the supernatural. My pastor explained how from the worlds perspective they rely on knowledge and intellect. For instance, doctor's may say your are at risk of developing a specific condition from all of these factors. He was saying that doctors do not have all the answers and that we shouldn't be reliant on medication to treat illness. He said that it doesn't mean to avoid medication to treat illness, but to not rely on it. He explained how the world is too reliant on procedures to treat illness. I personally believe in God's healing, but I think he gifted doctor's and others in the medical field to treat disease. God has enabled medicine to improve and progress purposefully. He also talked about how God speaks to us through dreams and how we need to heed warnings from him in this medium of communication. This sermon through me to rumination and made me go into tangents. I feel like I am not spiritually minded enough and fear that my dreams mean something deeper. I fear God's punishment and like he is displeased with me. I feel like an awful person. Does anyone have support for me?

I’m just kind of sad right now. The primary subtype of OCD that’s a struggle for me is existential OCD. I’m afraid of losing my mind, of not knowing what’s real, not being able to trust my perceptions. It makes it hard to trust people, and impossible to trust myself. I did a screening with my therapist, and because of my eclectic and (admittedly) sort of ‘out there’ spirituality combined with this OCD type, I have a fair number of experiences that align with symptoms of schizophrenia. My therapist has told me she doesn’t think I’m schizophrenic, even though she knows about all my weird stuff, and that’s reassuring. But of course I can’t help but wonder if she’s wrong. Then I spiral because my best friend is the one who introduced me to this spiritual stuff, and while she has always been very careful never to bring anything up unless I asked about it or suggested it first, it gets in my head as this whole ‘crazy being contagious’ fear. What if she’s delusional and I’m just so suggestible that I’ve fallen in with her? What if she’s malicious and she’s lying to me or manipulating me? She’s always been kind and considerate and a wonderful friend, always there when I need here and never unkind. But her circle is small and some of those close to her think she’s crazy. I don’t know. I have nobody to ask. This belief system, for lack of a better term, has generally improved my life. It makes the world feel exciting and open and yeah some things are silly and weird and I wouldn’t tell most people about them because they sound crazy, but I try to let it go most of the time and say as long as I’m safe and safe to be around, it’s all okay and I can believe whatever I want. Whatever silly or out there thing helps me live. But it’s been hard lately. Sometimes I can’t tell if I genuinely believe or if I’m just playing some game of pretend that I want to believe in. My long term memory is terrible, as I began depersonalizing and dissociating as a child and never really stopped. I don’t have DID or anything, I’m just not that grounded, so my memory is bad. I think I had at least some of my epiphanies myself, and my belief system has aligned with hers naturally. I have a friend who didn’t know either of us until very recently, and knew me for a while first, and their beliefs are also similar. There’s no code or creed or cult that fits them perfectly, it kinda pulls from everywhere. That’s reassuring. That friend is reassuring. They came to believe these things without my best friend’s influence. I like to think I did too, and that my best friend just answered some questions and soundboarded with me and posed theories and I came to my own conclusions. But I don’t trust myself, so I wonder if maybe I’m just an idiot who had all these ideas implanted into my head by her. Maybe I’m just a puppet being pulled around. And seeing that paper with those little boxes next to those symptoms and checking them off…what if I’m just catching the crazy? What if I was always precarious in my sanity and all it’s taken is at best another crazy person and at worst a manipulative person to push me into unreality? I’m so tired. And I’m so scared. And I’m so sad. If anybody else has any experiences or feelings like this with their existence or their spirituality, I want to hear. I feel like I’m alone here. I want to believe I’m not. But I don’t talk about these things, so I don’t know.

my ocd theme is about god being real or not and last night i went and looked for the mistakes in bible and found some. now the next day i woke up and i feel super anxious like my body is about to stop working please someone talk to me, if you a bit of time

Does anyone question that they'll go to hell because of your intrusive thoughts. I feel so scared about that because I grew up Catholic

I watch Mark Dejesus and he made videos about obsessing about sin, is it sinful what i do?, and he explains it well that we think what we like is sin cause we are afraid that we "idolize that", and he said some exemples but those were very black and white answers and things are not always like that. There are things in the grey area too. I like to write music lyrics, and alot of times i make parodies about today's music, using the topics they sing today(mostly trap/rap), and i like it cause its funny. I dont live like that, thats the whole point that i dont like those songs and i make fun of that, some understands the jokes. Theres alot of people who does the same. Idk why but i enjoy it, but i heard someone said "think about what do you give to the world, does it gives to it or take something" and it just makes me feel guilt now, i cant enjoy it...Christian life is so tiring, people expect you to be so good, a saint and everything that is a little greyish its a sin and you should leave it... It's not just this, its about alot of things. I have a darkish humour, that doesnt mean i enjoy animal abuse or people dying, but sometimes i laugh at things that people think arent funny...I laugh at bad words too, idk its funny to me, i cant repress laughing at them, also people who use social media today knows that there are alot of "racist jokes" but ive seen alot of people saying that liking and laughing at those jokes doesnt mean youre racist and i agree with that. I dont care what color of skin you have, we all are the same, but i laugh at those jokes,and now even black people make fun of themself, so they are racist? So if i laugh about their jokes im racist? Its not that simple. Christians expect you to be so pure when even Jesus were angry, he made people angry, sometimes he said something to the other person that triggered him to expose his ego, he made jokes, some of them sounds too much for us,but im tired of it now. We dont know what could lead you to live a sinful life... maybe i can live in these grey areas and not fall into the black ones... I feel like i shouldnt listen to christians, they are humans too with their own opinion, maybe i should give my trust to God and hope that if i go near to sinful things, He will tell me... Now i dont feel anything that would tell me its a sin, i just feel guilt but thats because of condemnation...and some christians wont like what i do, how i act but i cant bee good for everyone... I have the same problem with music about love, if theres a little sexual thing in it it is sinful... its from the devil... its stupid tho, why we are afraid of sex? I get it if its about multiple person and we are "flexing" with that okay then, but why someone wouldnt make a love song about his wife and its a little bit sexual and if we listen it we think about our wifes too...im so sad about this... i even lost a christian friend because of this, not like he died but he doesnt want to believe anymore cause he is tired, and i start to feel like im tired of it too...

I was someone who was fat once and yes I’m gonna say fat because that’s what I was. I was overweight and it took a toll on my emotion and mental health. About 3 months ago or so I was 200lbs. I was very chunky and chubby I had side pockets and I just felt overall very heavy and big to point where I even thought it was affecting my physical health…I remember days where I felt tired so quickly and had fatigue or just felt outta breath going upstairs , etcccc. I recall eating so much and impulsively snacking which I think part of it was due to my stress but also just normal eating for me seemed out of control sometimes. I then realized I had to make a change especially when I got the news from doctor I was diagnosed pre diabetic and was close to becoming one very soon. So then I made few changes to my diet and daily activity as well as routine , one day I remember falling into a downward spiral with one of my debilitating episodes with ocd (about 3-4 months ago) it was then that I felt so desperate I even considered taking medication again . Fortunately though it was the best thing I did for me. I have been showing improvement but I still get episodes periodically I just manage it somewhat differently than I did before . I feel little more in control … however this doesn’t change the fact that ocd has still latched itself onto something I value . I lost 52 lbs. during my weight loss journey I couldn’t stop or give up . It was one of my biggest milestones. I never thought I’d ever do it but I did. I haven’t felt this great in so long and everyday I can’t help but be scared to think I’ll be fat again. I compulsively go to the gym , I check mirrors , I check my elbows and face shape and chin, I have fast days , etccccc…. So many compulsions you can think of . So many thoughts surrounding my fear of being fat again like magical thinking ocd and stuff . I need help. This has become constant for me. I’ve been scared of gaining weight again . I have certain thoughts like God punishing me. It’s more than that I just didn’t wanna get into detail. I was wearing a chain with a cross and I was on a hookup app while I had it on and i immediately had racing thoughts that God would take away what I value .

I’m sure this is a long shot, but does anyone else here with scrupulosity really struggle with 1 Samuel and how Saul sins and God totally cuts him off and stops answering him, etc. but David sins and God never leaves him the way he leaves Saul? If anyone else has wrestled with this too, I mean truly wrestled with this, I’d love to hear your thoughts or please share any resources with me that you have. I know this is so specific though it’s unlikely.

I stayed home from school today, I couldn’t do it. It was all too much. From the moment I open my eyes it’s back into a labyrinth of torture. I wish I had my old theme back. At least with Harm OCD I didn’t feel this lost. My mind is in a constant state of panic. So much so I can’t eat without throwing up. And my head hurts from thinking so hard. I want to sleep. Sleep for a while. Escape this pain. I wish I was like other kids my age. I wish I could find joy in my youth. I fear the past, the present, and the future. How am I supposed to live like that. My own mind convinces me i’m different than what I am. Whether that be me being a murderer or transgender. I miss being a kid, when everything was simple, and free. Now i’m in highschool dealing with OCD. I don’t go out, I stay home because I panic more when i’m away from my family. What’s the point? Why do I keep fighting if it will never end? There’s no cure.. it can only be managed. What’s a life like that? How is that worth fighting for? I don’t even know who I am anymore. I feel like a stranger. My mind constantly cycling what ifs and scenarios. Does it ever get better? I used to be so optimistic, I used to find light in everything.. Every corner of life. I was always told I was a ray of sunshine. Now i’m dull, hallow, and empty. OCD is torture. It has taken everything from me. My happiness, my identity, and my enjoyment. What do I do? Where do I go? Does God even hear me?

Hey, I’ve been doing some research on OCD and think I may have it. I’m not 100% sure, but I have a lot of the symptoms. I want to get myself diagnosed, but my parents won’t let me. They agree that it’s very likely that I have OCD, but they think that if I try hard enough, I can get over it. I don’t know what to do anymore or if what I have even is OCD, and I want to be somewhat sure before a I do anything. Right now, I’m a junior in high school, but freshman year was when my “OCD” was the most severe. I think I had (and still do) the symmetry/order subtype and “just right” subtype. I was obsessed with writing things neatly to a point in which I kept forcing myself to erase and rewrite things until all the letters were straight and all the graphs were neatly drawn (typing wasn’t safe either because I use Notability and felt the need to align every text box and make them all the same length). Handwriting was especially a problem in calculus A, and it got to a point in which I couldn’t keep up with the notes, and the homework was taking hours a night because I was obsessed with making my work perfect. Needless to say, I didn’t get a good grade in calculus A and didn’t build a good foundation for future math classes. This makes me really sad because I was previously really good at math and had a bright future in the subject. Eventually, I just stopped trying in calculus A, but by then, I felt burnt out, couldn’t concentrate on anything, kept putting things off, and lost the ability to properly manage my time. I think it may have escalated to executive dysfunction at that point, and it carried over to all my other classes. As someone who was previously pretty productive and good at planning, this was a huge hit on my self-esteem. I was also obsessed with symmetry. If I touched one side of my body, I had to touch the other side in the exact same place. If I was coding something, I would have to evenly distribute touch across each key on the keyboard. It felt like everything was a heatmap, and the colors had to be kept in balance at all times. I also avoided odd numbers because they were considered “asymmetrical”. I was obsessed with routine and had to complete tasks in a certain way, a certain order, and a certain amount of time. Even something as small as combing my hair for five minutes instead of six caused me extreme distress. Writing one word that “sounded off” on an English paper left me unable to keep writing until I fixed it. I had to keep the sound of my phone at a certain volume (6 normally, 10 when exercising, and 12 when cleaning, divide everything by 2 when using a computer) and had to walk a round number (any number that ends in 0) of steps a day. I kid you not when I say that some days I woke up and didn’t want to live anymore. Sophomore year, my mental health improved and I probably seemed overly perfectionistic but not to a point of concern. However, this year, the handwriting issue relapsed in all its glory during physics, and I’m not able to keep up with notes or homework. I feel the same way that I did in calculus A, and I don’t want history to repeat itself. I want to ask my teacher to let me do my homework on paper rather than the iPad (it’s easier for me to write on paper due to increased friction), but I’m scared to ask because I don’t have a formal diagnosis. I don’t know what causes my behavior. I feel like if I can’t do things perfectly, no one will like me. I’ll lose all my friends, and no boy will ever want to go out with me. I know it’s irrational. Literally no one cares what my notes look like or how long I spend on each step of my morning routine or whatever, but I constantly feel like people are judging me and will hate me the second I mess up. There are two more times in my life that I can think of when I displayed symptoms of OCD, contamination OCD when I was 9 and pure/religious/magical thinking/health concern OCD (they all just kind morphed together) when I was 11. I can go into more detail if you wish. As of now, I just want to know my behavior sounds like OCD, and if so, how to more forward. If not, I would love to know what I do have and how to treat it. Thank you so much.

I have to pray for ocd and because I’m religious anyway but it takes like 10-20 minutes every night and is obviously the same thing every night but it didn’t bother me as much before and I just delt with it when I was doing it but because I’ve now being doing this part of the compulsions for I think half a year I know think if it and dread it all day and want to go upstairs at like 7 ti do this and all other things so I can get to sleep at a reasonable time but it’s so annoying, anyway I just think about it constantly and basically recite what I say in the day for no reason, is this an overreaction or is it normal thanks also me feeling like this I feel like God hates me for this but I want to pray and enjoy it but ocd just took over which is really irritating anyway thanks

im Catholic and ever since starting highschool and started being scared of what people are thinking. I’m scared that I’m evil and that I praise evil because my ocd is a fear of talking to it so my compulsion is to focuse on talking to something or someone else. But, I keep imagining evil like under the ground and now it feels like I know its personality. And I can’t imagine it as truly evil and I can’t even imagine God anymore. Please help

What are some ways you cope or things you feel are helpful?

I recently was diagnosed with postpartum ocd/ depression/ anxiety it’s by far the hardest thing I ever had. As an adolescent I struggled with depression/anxiety/ & self harm I didn’t realize back then that self harm was a compulsion for me. Anyway recently ocd has been attacking my baby along with my loved ones or even strangers. I feel horrible about it & feel insane I have panic attacks very often. I do my best to remind myself it’s ocd not me. I am genuinely the kind of person that is disturbed by road kill & cry over new all the time. I didn’t have these intrusive thoughts until my baby was 4 months (he’s now 6 months) because of a stupid true crime case & then it spiraled. I believe the only reason it’s doing all this is to have me feel like I am a villain & evil. It causes me to wonder if I have psychosis (like my mind purposely thinks the worst to try to convince me of psychosis) I am aware that’s not how it works. I am doing everything possible to overcome this sadly my insurance is Medicaid & it doesn’t work on here to find a OCD specialist. I move in 10 days to a new state & my insurance will be cut off for some time. I recently started Zoloft so I’m hoping it helps me until then. I want hope from other moms that have gone through similar experiences… this feels so exhausting & endless I wasn’t like this a few months ago. All I do is pray for things to get better I read the Bible to ease my heart & try to trust God that this to shall pass.

Hi there I talk about religion (but I'm not trying to force it down anyone's throat) So my main event (which is the one that truly bothers me) happened in 2015 when I was 14. I won't go into any details or anything. I will say that it got so bad once that I almost committed something detrimental to my health earlier this year. Not long after that I spoke to a doctor and basically confessed what's been happening to my brain and my mistakes, he mentioned things that really resonated with me, I'll paraphrase a bit: "Okay, so what you did was not good but it's not something to condemn yourself for. It falls into the grey area, you've apologized and have been forgiven (even though I apologized over text, which comes across cowardly)but it seems that you haven't forgiven yourself. There's a whole lot of difference between you at 14 and you at 23. Try to have some perspective." This really helped and it still does, but unfortunately ocd tries to find a way around this. I'll get a thought of "oh but you forgot to mention that other part of the event" and it magnifies it. Can anyone relate? I've done everything but fully move on because I sometimes feel like I don't deserve to move on. And I'm still worried over the future.

I didnt wanted to post about this but it makes me really sad right now. This post will be about Christianity so if you believe in something else dont read it cause i will mention things that might trigger you. Im struggling with my faith right now and i feel like christianity might be the same like other religions and beliefs. I wont come with the "if theres a God prove it, i want Him to show up" thats ignorant, but i think about some things that keeps me stuck. Before christianity i was really desperate to find the meaning of life so i read about spirituality. Alot of people believe in that and live a peaceful life, cause that thinking makes you have positive behaviours cause they found a meaning. We say other religions are false things but then we say ours is true cause "we feel like its true". So its all about how you feel. Back then i just couldnt relate to spirituality and i found people who were liars and strange people, but we know christians can be that too, so i left spirituality cause it didnt made me feel good. But maybe if i wouldve stayed there and learn more, it generates the same feeling as i have now towards God and now i would say thats the truth cause i feel at peace and that im loved. Many spiritual people feel that, without christian beliefs. Non believers too realized a long time ago that self love is so important. So the problem is that i can never explain why do i believe, i always say "cause i feel that its real" well, if i would be so desperate to pray to a cat God and make myself believe everything I have is from that cat i would feel like its true. So my faith is about how i feel... which can be easily manipulated. And many times people said to me "its just a view, it makes you happy cause youre afraid that life doesnt bavw a meaning" and now i kinda feel like it can be true. Many will say faith is relational, but i can make that relation to anything, as is said if i think theres a big cat somewhere who loves me it can become relational... and then where all this ends it sounds like well God is with us but he doesnt do anything to intervene, you might now feel Him, we dont have any evidence, in the end of the day you just have to trust theres someone who will give you something after this horrible life. And that sounds like you want to give meaning to life. Maybe i didnt got the answers from the best christians, but it sounds to me like you jjst have to trust theres someone out there, and that belief will make you happier... But its the same with every other religion tho... Native americans believed in many Gods and it gave them meaning and a happy peacefull life. But we say thats false... why? Isnt our belief the same? I hope i get some loving anwers, cause im not trying to ruin anyones belief, im just struggling with my faith.