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How do I know if I’m gay or it’s actually ocd?

Hi guys, do you ever feel, even when the anxious feelings are gone (and your not in the back door spike window) that you still dont know who you are and what you're afraid of ( for instance in this case, not being straight) is actually true and that whole OCD cycle you're in might or might not be OCD but it doesnt matter because you're just using it as a way of proving that what you're feeling is normal and not actually face the truth? these are my thoughts right now... I was doing well, but even when I am doing well I still think about those stuff idk... like how do I know what true love is? am I faking my love for my bf and one day I'll be tired and actually just "want to accept the truth because its lighter?" becaus at that point I really feel like I'm in a movie and just playing the role of someone. Between renée rapp coming out as a lesbian after saying she was bi and sophia bush an Chrishell stause falling in love with women after being with men all their life its been kind of a triggering week (even tho when I learned it felt like I was happy like yes! they're a part of the lgbtq+ community as if I was part of that community too which triggered me even more) PS : no disprespect to anyone I'm just really triggered and confused!!

Hi! I am genuinely so happy and attracted to my boyfriend but cannot stop having extreme anxiety trying to figure out my sexuality. Some days I think I am sexually attracted to women and other days I don’t feel this way. How can I accept the uncertainty? Another part of this OCD is I obsess over what the queer community will think of me since I have limited experiences with women. I am so happy with my partner but the OCD is keeping me in fear of missing out. I keep constantly comparing myself to others and getting down that they have had more sexual partners. Seeing if I’m alone in this.

so I’ve been dealing with ROCD for a hot minute and I guess it decided to switch to HOCD. I went to a women’s soccer game and I feel like I was triggered hella there (no judgement at all ) I met some new friends and there was this one particular girl that I thought I could actually be friends with bc she reminded me of my old friends back home and I just thought she was funny/ a good time. Fast forward to that night we all end up going out to a bar and we met up with our boyfriends. This girl didn’t have a man, I have no idea if she’s straight/bi whatever. I didn’t really talk to her throughout the night unless she was at the table with us , and then by the end of the night my boyfriend and I drove her home bc she was plastered plus some of our friends joined for the ride as well. While getting into the car she goes “omg ‘my name’ i feel like you’re playing cat and mouse with me” (idk why she would say this bc i literally would like mess with her or if she was dancing by me id dance too so idk where tf that came from) and my one friend was like “that sounds a little gay” AND WHEN I TELL YOU MY STOMACH DROPPED hearing that, it did. this happend on Friday and I have been thinking and ruminating “if I am secretly gay” “did she notice something in me that I haven’t noticed in myself” “did I talk to her in a flirty way that like made her think I was gay”. So alas, I am on here to find comfort bc now I don’t want to even see or hangout with this girl anymore and I’m like scared when I see her she’s going to say some dumb shit like this again. No judgment to anyone who is gay, and I know it’s not a problem to be gay or whatever but I know I don’t like girls lmfao.

Ugh did SOCD ERP watching gay porn and actually got off! Initially it has thrown me through a spiral but without reassuring myself, I realize porn is porn. Slowing coming down from a bad spiral and would just love some words of encouragement, not reassurance.

*not really writing this for advice or anything just venting and seeing who can relate* Hi everyone. I am someone who has both borderline personality and ocd. As you can imagine these things do not really interact super well with each other. I have been really self aware when it comes to my bpd for the last few years, which is so important. self awareness is so key to healing and living with bpd. Especially when it comes to splitting in my relationship/towards my long time partner. I have suffered from ocd since I was young, my earliest intrusive thought being in elementary school. It didn’t get bad though until high school, when I had an intrusive thought towards my nephew at the time and proceeded to spiral about it for 8 years. Now I know that was ocd, and I am not a bad person. Just providing this for context. Currently, I don’t struggle from pocd anymore and I am so glad because that (in my experience) was the worst subtype I dealt with. Now I have awful sexuality ocd and rocd, along with borderline! I am bisexual, but my attraction towards men is small and particular. I am just picky due to severe sexual trauma and life trauma in general with men, and I think a lot of people can understand that. However I have been with my partner (a man) for the last few years and he is unlike any man I’ve met before. I feel so safe around him. I came out as trans masc to him when he’s only been with woman before and he was so extremely supportive, and has been continuously supportive since. I have never had a bad day around this man. We own a car together, live alone together, have a fur baby, it’s so great! I am very happy, but ROCD is so whack and hits at the worst times. Sexuality ocd has been bothering me too as I am someone who consumes a lot of queer content. Sometimes if it’s lesbian-specific content my brain goes “if you enjoy this more than anything else you don’t love ur bf!!” Like what? (I have watched the movie Bottoms like 5 times, iykyk) Obviously these things aren’t linked, but ocd tells me they are. For context I was a lesbian for basically my entire teenage years up until 18 when I met the only other guy I’ve been romantically involved with besides my bf, so sexuality has always been iffy for me. Now for the ROCD, splitting whenever I’m upset towards my bf over minor things has been mostly manageable, but my sexuality ocd turned into rocd and it’s been rough lately. When I’m upset I question how much I value him / our relationship, I question if I love him, “would a woman do this to me?” (yes I’ve been in abusive relationships with woman lol), etc and it’s so awful. I am able to identify that it’s ocd though. Especially when I go “what if this isn’t ocd and I actually feel this way?” ITS OCD. My therapist always reminds me that ocd attacks what I care about the most, and that if I didn’t care about him I wouldn’t feel this way. She’s right and that is key to getting me to calm down when my anxiety really spikes because of ocd. It’s just hard. I think if I was living with just ocd it would be a little easier. Not that ocd is easy at all, but never knowing how to gauge my anger/emotions as someone with borderline is so hard. After it’s over I can realize what went wrong, and I can be self aware, but in the moment it can be so hard. I love my boyfriend, he is someone i If I didn’t care, I wouldn’t be bothered. I am okay with the uncertainty of intrusive thoughts, I know that’s the common goal of erp/therapy for ocd, I just struggle with living this way. It feels so unfair to myself and my partner, but it comes and goes in waves for me. Hopefully this big wave will be over soon. Let me know if you relate in the comments. 🫶🏻

Big trigger warning in advance, I’m using this as a moment to just write my fears and hopefully help others find something they can relate. Please no reassurance. If you feel up to it, please feel free to write your fears. I’m not really sure how to start this So I’ll just dive into it. I don’t really have OCD I’m using SO OCD as an excuse to not accept my newly discovered sexuality I’m a late bloomer I have internalized homophobia I don’t love my wife as much as I used to (this one is getting me the most so far) The homosexual urges and thoughts I feel are real and wanted I get anxious seeing dudes out in public because I’m attracted to them If I just shout that I’m gay right now it’s because it’s true I’ve been in denial these past 7 years and really discovered my true sexuality back when I was 24 I’m not anxious and engaging in compulsions as much now because I actually am gay and am starting to accept it I can’t stop looking at dudes out in public because I like it The sadness I feel writing this isn’t because I don’t like these thoughts, it’s just me having to accept that I’m someone new now and have to leave my life as I know it Me rejecting my homosexual thoughts is me rejecting who I truly am and that is wrong I’m going to have to resist my homosexual thoughts, everyday, for the rest of my life, and that I just need to accept I’m gay I’ve always been attracted to dudes and have just repressed it All the times I look back at seeing that it was OCD is just me altering the memory to fit my new coping mechanism I’m just afraid to accept I’m gay and I’m the only one holding me back Everyone else who says they have SO OCD is also in denial But the biggest one for me: I have been a puppet for my OCD for so long and I will still be his puppet going forward There’s more too, but as I was doing this and my distress starting going down, my OCD likes to forget my fears because he does not like me acknowledging them. These past few days have been hard, especially with the lack of compulsions and anxiety but the thoughts still there, especially so seeing dudes out in public. But I have gotten through this before, as much as he wants me thinking I hadn’t and have been in denial, and I will again and truly feel like I almost am. It’s scary right now accepting these thoughts that cause me distress, and being confused whether I like them or not, whether I’m still attracted to my wife, etc. but I can remember a time when these thoughts didn’t plague me as much, and know the thoughts that I’ve had pop up during the years wasn’t me but him. This will always be a battle but he can only win if I let him.

It feels like I actually like and want to be gay, like I’m turning myself into someone I’m not! I’ve never had any romantic or sexual attraction towards girls. I’m not having anxiety and any compulsions anymore! I don’t understand how you don’t want something for so long and then all of a sudden want it.

I was on tiktok there was this video about a girl saying "I Always have obsessive crushes but Then when they like me back I realize I don't like Them, I just created an idea of Them in my mind" and I related and everyone in the comments were saying "this Is Just comphet", "I used to have crushes like this and I'm a lesbian", "She Will come out soon". I'm going Crazy.

Hey everyone. People don’t post about this much so I thought I’d throw it out there. I have what I call staring ocd. Or visual tourettic ocd. I got concerned at one point about accidentally noticing someone’s breasts and then men’s private areas. And then purposely would try to make sure that didn’t happen. Of course that made it happen all the time. It’s bled into all kinds of things like so ocd , pocd, and being fixated on eye contact and even rocd, because why am I doing this? sigh. It’s tough. But I’m improving so much. Just throwing this out there in case anyone else experiences it :). And to hear your stories. Thanks!

I'm struggling so much I'm so desensitized to my girlfriend and porn and I keep seeing handsome men and it's really confusing and making me depressed. I'm not homophobic but this doesn't make me happy I was happy seeing myself as straight and comfortable idc about what society thinks is normal I loved women. I love my girlfriend and think she is so beautiful but it's so hard living with these doubts and seeing men handsome all the time now idk if it's just aesthetic attraction or the fact I'm so hyper fixated idk but I want it gone. The groinal responses, the false attraction, the confusion. I've done so much researching, reading, making up scenarios for years now and still haven't figured it out I know I'm not gay because I'm interested in women always have been. This is making me so uncomfortable, uncertain and confused. I really do support any gay people and support their rights but I've just never had a gay crush and having all this is highly alien and uncomfortable to me. I really need help :( I want to be myself again I can't live a fulfilling life feeling like this it makes me want to lock myself in my house until I figure it out everytime I gain clarity or reassurance I then feel like I can go out and live my life.

Having sexual ocd intrusive thoughts has been a lifelong challenge. Becoming a married man and parent has been a tough challenge and great blessing having ocd factoring in relationships. I know we arent our thoughts but whay happens when i have those same intrusive ocd thoughts and worries pop up in my dreams. Is the same principle applicable? Its just thoughts means nothing.

Hi all, I’ve been in therapy with NOCD for a few months now. I thought I had an AHA moment this past week, but now of course my ocd is questioning it; I’ve learned this past week that my thoughts don’t have to mean anything AT ALL. I can be an observer of my thoughts and let them pass by. But now I’m doubting even this. I’m afraid that the only reason this is now working for me is because: if my thoughts mean nothing, than that must mean I’m NOT gay or bi. So am I attaching meaning when I tell myself there is no meaning? And if so what does that mean about the progress I thought I made? The goal of therapy is to be okay with uncertainty so now I’m afraid I’m doing it all wrong and my “feeling better” this week has been a lie cause I’m afraid I did it wrong. The “maybe” statements have never been helpful for me bc I feel they imply a meaning. And I thought the goal was to attach no meaning. The “maybe I am gay” statement is hard and doesn’t feel helpful. Can someone please help? Anyone else here in therapy and understand?

hey, so i’m diagnosed with ocd after my first so-ocd episode in 2020, it lasted about a year and a bit and then eventually faded out. i considered myself ‘cured’ after that. i met my ex boyfriend in summer 2021 and we dated for nearly 2 years although towards the end of the relationship i sort of fell out of love with him. i always felt used whenever he wanted to do something sexual with me (i struggled with an eating disorder and had incredibly low self esteem) and eventually we broke up early 2023. i found though that despite my apprehension that whenever i did any kind of sexual activity with him i felt so much closer and in love with him than when we went long periods of time without it. i was on prozac at the beginning of the relationship and then was moved onto sertraline (which im on now). ive always had ridiculously low body confidence and HATE the idea of people seeing my stomach and am convinced that people find me disgusting because im so disgusted by my body. i’ve spent a lot of time watching every other girls figure/body and wishing i looked like that which has been a big accelerant for my ocd my close friend died in august and i sort of went a bit insane, i stopped taking my meds cold turkey in january and was fine for a while (im taking them properly again now) in november of 2023 i started talking to this boy and he kind of got a grip on me, i loved talking to him, id stay up late just to talk to him even if i had to be up early, he was on my mind all the time. i started seeing him properly from january and was absolutely infatuated by him like i genuinely really cared about him which was hugely unexpected for me as usually it takes me longer to form a bond. anyways, he didn’t want a relationship which works for me because i have a lot going on in my personal life that i need to deal with but eventually the uncertainty started driving me nuts ‘am i even attracted to him?’ ‘do i want a relationship with him?’ and i felt like i wasn’t enough for him and then sort of pulled back my feelings for him because i didn’t want to hurt myself about it. so then i started questioning whether i really liked him or if i wanted to be in a relationship with him or what i wanted. i found myself stressed to be intimate because im so insecure and the past times ive had sex i just wasn’t turned on properly and so it hurt or it was awkward and i’ve been plagued with sexually intrusive thoughts (even about my family) since i was young - so sex has never really been a big cause for excitement for me it’s more associated with anxiety and discomfort. i like doing whatever with him but i get so anxious to let things escalate because im so terrified of my appearance and everything else and whether it’ll like…fit…. that i always kind of avoid it even though i would like to? anyways a few weeks ago i was away with my friend and when we were drunk i kept getting thoughts ‘am i attracted to her’ even though i knew i wasn’t (we’re very comfortable around each other so we were sharing a bed and helping each other tan etc) but i kind of tried to push these thoughts away until about a week and a half ago when it all came back in FULL swing. i was like nauseous and horribly anxious to be alone with my thoughts to the point where i called in sick to work because i got so uncomfortable with all the thoughts in my head when i was around other girls at lunch time. this was when i started taking my medication again and since then the anxiety has kind of dissipated but the thoughts haven’t gone anywhere. my brain uses the fact it’s happened before and my low sex drive as a reason to believe its suppression/denial, it’s truly exhausting. since it’s not my first time experiencing this i’m trying to avoid research and talking too much about it because i know what im like but i want to gather other people’s advice/support for this situation. i have barely any anxiety anymore but am CONSTANTLY questioning my attraction to people and living in my past situations despite trying to sit with the thoughts and avoid rumination. it feels so real and it’s terrifying. i’m supposed to be going to see the boy again and i found that while these thoughts were at their worst with anxiety all i really wanted was for him to give me a hug or to hold me, but now im super stressed about seeing him in case it confirms these thoughts or makes them worse, or if we do anything sexual and i get intrusive thoughts… all i want is for my head to leave me alone. any support or advice would be really really appreciated, im feeling so lost like i don’t know who i am. i really am trying my best to sit with the thoughts and not ruminate and expose myself to things that will trigger me but its so HARD. this is a small novel im aware, so im appreciative of anyone that read this far ❤️

Nsfw tw// a compulsion I struggle with is m-sturbation. when the groinal responses and thoughts get to bad I do that to gain some sense of relief. but sometimes I end up agreeing with the thoughts or think bad stuff while doing it just to “give in” and also “test myself” and finish so i can find some relief. but IMMEDIATELY afterwards is a sense of shame and regret of wtf did I just do? i guess doing this gives me a sense of control over whatever this is so i try to agree with it but the compulsion is so gross and so is the theme so why would i ever find relief. i honestly believe im a p in denial. my pocd has been acting up non stop for almost 2 and a half months. I feel like im going to cry

Hello my name is Aidan I am 16 years old about 4 months ago I was on a call with my friends and we were talking about life and one of my female friends told me to rate the guy she was talking to I said no cause I’m not gay and they started saying that yes your gay and made me take a gay test and I got bisexual I started getting anxiety from it and stressing I cried the first day ever sense then I have lost attraction to girls I stare at guys I get intrusive thoughts about being gay but now it just says your gay I went to a ocd doctor and I got diagnosed with OCD but she said that hocd was just a sub category of normal ocd I am very scared I don’t know what to do I have always liked girls I have had long relationships with girls too I still get erections to girls if that means anything but idk what to do someone please explain I keep doubting myself in my head and deep down it says your gay but I was never gay and I don’t know if you go from straight to gay in one day

So long story short I used to watch lesbian porn because I realized I was a very sexual child growing up and it aroused me. Still always had crushes on boys my whole life. And I finally got a bf who is the sweetest guy and I love him so much. I know I’m not gay but ever since ocd my whole thought process has changed like one time I was kissing my bf and bc of this disorder it’s hard for me to get aroused with him rn though I know I am because I used to feel it when we got togther a lot and I’m still very much attracted to him in every way but I guess bc I did t feel aroused while kissing him I realized I was trying to think of lesbians but I caught myself before and I told myself that’s not me like why did I go straight to that. And I realized my thinking has become so black and white anytime my bf does something and I question it my mind is it’s because you’re a lesbian. Whne I know that’s not who I am I have always loved men and I want the whole husband kids and white picket fence life and everything and I have this amazing bf who loves me who I jjst want to be with I know I’m not gay or on the spectrum I do find lesbian porn arousing because I am a sexual being but my head can’t seem to understand that I jjst love men and only want to be with them. I know OCD doesn’t reaping to logic but my libido is low again and I just want to kiss my bf and sleep with him. Being with a women doesn’t excite me and everything I do with my bf I wouldn’t do it with a women I’ve always wanted a bf and now that I get one this shit happens. Has anyone experienced this pleas help I know I’m not gay I know I love being with men it’s just hard to see that to especially because my loss of libido.

The last three days have definitely been hard on me, seemingly out of nowhere. I’m not trying to let it ruin my progress but it is hard to not slip into old habits and just sit in the discomfort and sadness Today my mind hasn’t even been racing with thoughts. It’s just been a feeling, I guess that then becomes a thought, that I am truly gay, and that all the thoughts I’ve had over the past 7 years that reminded me of my last SO OCD episode was just me being in denial. OCD is so good and so convincing and it feels so insanely real that I am just truly in denial, like I could say I’m gay right now and it has meaning. It feels like he just let me think I had him beat, and build this amazing life only to take it away from me and make me leave my wife to go be with another dude. He knows how to prey on my comfortability I do have with the lgbtqia+ community, and twist it in so many distorting and confusing ways. Today is just a feeling of sadness, sad that I’ve been using SO OCD to lie to myself, sad that I’ve led my wife on, sad that the life I dreamed of since I was a kid was just me repressing my true sexuality or me just now rediscovering it, after one stupid thought I had while having sex with my gf. I know that these thoughts and feelings, including the next one I’m writing about, are my OCD, and that I’m doing well in just sitting with them, but the lack of engaging in composures just feels like I’m accepting that he’s right. To anyone that took the time to read this, thank you, and keep up the fight. These moments really suck but we can get through them

I have recently discovered compulsory heterosexualaty, as a straight female with SO-OCD - it has super triggered me Its sent it spiralling again into what if thats me - thats me im definitely gay - im going to have to break up with my boyfriend (im not) Its horrible, anyone any advice Please help!!!!

I am 22 year old straight male. In 2020 I had an OCD theme about if I am gay or not. It took me 6 months to beat that OCD. Recently when I was swiping through NOCD and a sudden glimpse of the word "Bisexual" caught my eyes. And a ocd feeling started growing with the question," If I am bisexual or not." Now there is no reason for me to think myself as bisexual. But whole day I try to tell myself why I am not bisexual. Things like, "Well, I get erection when I see a girl and I dont have feelings towards a boy. So, I am straight male." Can anyone suggest a solution. I have financial issue. So I can't reach any psychiatrist. Please help.