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Please I need help I want to be sure if this is real ocd, I had a dream 8 months ago about two gay guys having sex after that night my life changed I felt like I have turn gay and that I was not attracted to women any more this made me feel so uncomfortable and depressed I avoided hanging out with my male friends because I think maybe I will feel something down there. I even avoided watching tv and movies because I feel like I will get attracted to the characters, everyday I kept on analyzing checking my past if I had any experience before checking my past relationships asking myself questions. Even in my sleep I think what if I’m gay and I have been denied what if this is really who I am I have never questioned this before just after that dream I felt like the dream meant something to me im even afraid to call my friends because I think maybe I will feel something down there. Normal when I’m a call with my girlfriend or any girl I always feel something big down there but ever since this happened I don’t, I even try as much not to think of any sexual fantasy I had with my girlfriend or other girls because I feel like an image will just pop up. And sometimes it feels like anything I have an intrusive thought I kind feel something down there but I keep questioning do I like this. Why I’m I getting this if it doesn’t mean anything. Before that dream my life was normal I like girls a lot and I always think of girls but after that dream it’s hard to control my thoughts I get feelings I don’t even understand.I always check to see if something is going on down there even in public even at home even when I’m sleep🤦‍♂️I stopped a lot of things just because I don’t understand myself I try as much not to dream out it but it keeps coming. Now its telling me the thoughts are okay I feel comfortable with it on like before and it’s confusing me now i seriously need help please I want to know if it’s ocd or not google has done more harm than good 🤦‍♂️

Lately I have been feeling like I may not have OCD, maybe I’m just crazy and manipulative. I have been diagnosed with OCD for years now and tend to struggled a lot with relationships. My therapist has told me that my behaviors in relationships are caused by ROCD but sometimes I just feel like I’m a bad person. I am finally with a very nice person after an abusive relationship and I thought some of those symptoms may go away because this person is different but they’ve only gotten worse. I am so easily triggered and convince myself that my partner doesn’t like me and can’t handle me. I end up trying to break up almost weekly. Things will be good and then one small trigger blows everything up and i feel like I’m dying and can’t control myself. I don’t know if i’ll ever be able to be in a relationship

Right before my period I spiral SO bad. The intrusive thoughts and anxiety get worse. Can OCD be hormonal? Or have a connection to hormones? Why does this happen? Also side note, when I get an intrusive thought and the hit of anxiety I’ll clutch my fists or my pants. Is this normal? I think I do it to make sure I don’t hurt anyone. Does anyone else do this

I just saw 666 twice in a row and it scares me so much. anybody else??

I was reading a book on OCD my therapist told me to read and in the book they have a test to see if you have ocd and the questions all seemed like a stereotypical view of OCD and i felt like i only related to one or two questions and now i’m sitting here thinking you don’t really have ocd or your mental compulsions aren’t actually valued compulsions and now i’m sitting here high thinking this was all a lie, my diagnosis was a lie, and i don’t have OCD that this was all me.

I have a thought that I don't remember whether I did some action in the past or not. and I constantly want to give myself an answer, because this is actually important for my relationship. prehistory: at the very beginning of the relationship with my current boyfriend, there was a betrayal on my part. in the first 2 weeks of our relationship, I still did not understand whether it would be a long relationship or not, and my ex invited me for a walk, and we kissed. The kiss was for a few seconds, but still. At first I didn't feel any remorse, but the longer I dated my boyfriend, the more I realized that I had made a mistake. I told him about it, he accepted, did not scandalize, supported and we continued our relationship. We've been dating for almost 4 years. We were both 17 years old at the time. Now we are 21. And a few months ago I remembered that situation and I was carried away - I began to think that maybe there was not only a kiss, maybe there were two kisses, or maybe something more, or maybe I kissed not only with this ex, but also with someone, began to write to different guys if I had anything with them during a relationship with my boyfriend. it seemed to me like I could not trust my memory and I definitely forgot something. I constantly told my boyfriend about these thoughts, he said that this is all nonsense, why am I making up my mind. and I just couldn't trust myself. it seemed to be true. How does classic OCD work in others? delusional thoughts that have nothing to do with reality. I have a different situation - there really was that kiss, I confessed to the guy, but was there anything else that I decided not to remember?or my psyche erased these memories. I went to a specialist for help, they told me it was OCD. but when the thought arises, I really have the feeling that it was so. I take antidepressants prescribed by the doctor, but still there are thoughts, and they are always different. I also have compulsions, constantly checking my phone, where I was that day, what messages I wrote, constantly checking my Google browsing history. I have this condition since August 2022. When I started taking antidepressants, everything seemed to improve, but it seems that everything returned again. if I could rely on my memory it would be much easier to get rid of it. and so, I just don’t understand if it was true, or if it’s OCD. I just can't stand it anymore, I consider myself a terrible person. I don't deserve my boyfriend. It's very hard for me. Yes, we were young, everyone makes mistakes, but I consider myself a traitor. I'm sick of myself. I hate myself for doing that. We had a difficult relationship, my boyfriend did not cheat on me, but he thought about his ex-girlfriend and wanted to return to her. He had thoughts of cheating on me. But he did nothing. I had a different situation, I did it unconsciously, because I'm stupid. But I know it doesn't excuse me. He even went to a psychotherapist, because he constantly thought about her and wanted to return to her and did not know what to do. Now I don't think I've kissed anyone else, I've realized it's not true and my OCD. (Thanks to my psychiatrist) But now I began to constantly remember what happened that evening. Was there another kiss that evening? I'm just obsessed with remembering everything. I don't know what to do, do you think I'm a bad person? Am I a cheater? Thanks for the answer in advance, I feel very bad, thank you for this application. (sorry for the mistakes, I'm from Ukraine)

i woke up this morning and laid there just thinking. mind was like what if these thoughts are not thoughts and i’m making myself think these things and i’m like why would i think this like what is going on. why now am i sitting here wondering why is this happening.

there’s a thing i do, and it’s repeating mantras to myself like “i’m a good person” or “i would never do that” or “i am never going to hurt anybody” and i just wanna know if those would be considered compulsions? if so, how do i stop? 😣

I don't think I've struggled with this one before. Bilut the person I've been dating for 9 months now, I just recently opened up to about my ocd and let him see me at my "worst", during an obsessive breakdown. I have told him that I was afraid to show him because I thought he'd think I was crazy and broken and then leave. He said he doesn't think that and that he loves me the way I am. But since I have trust issues from being lied to from my last 10 year relationship, I have a hard time believing him and not over thinking. Since then, I'm over analyzing everything. He didn't respond to my "I love you so much" text. I made a comment the other day about how "I hope I never have to use a dating app again" and he didn't say anything at all. I'm overthinking his silence. I told him on two different occasions that I was struggling and all he said was "I'm sorry". Small things like that... He's a very sweet, kind, loving guy. Very patient and understanding. Man of few words. I don't want to address this because I don't want to come off as needy or crazy. I feel like I've come at him with small things or vulnerabilities so much in the last few weeks I don't want to do it AGAIN. Not sure if this has happened to anyone else

These last few days my ocd had been maybe the worst it’s ever been. Currently, I am trying to do schoolwork assignments but I’m having a hard time reading because my mind is reading too fast and just skipping over the words then I feel frustrated like I have to go back and read the words carefully one by one with the same brain effort put to each word. Then I feel like I need to go back and look at how much I’ve read up to now and how much I need to read still and compare and it’s a never ending cycle of frustration. My mind is also racing about negative past events on top of that

Has anyone even happily had a relationship with their gf/boyf after having rocd with them

I literally had a sex dream abt my abuser and I feel disgusted after waking up or just shocked bc now I feel now and how I felt in the dream are different.. and it’s weird bc I it’s like i didn’t know it was my abuser but it was yk? Like he was clearly physically present but I didn’t feel that vibe or aura abt them so I thought it was a different person but but physically they looked like them and I feel so disgusted bc I remember the details and I feel so ashamed bc I felt the dream and i saw myself like it :((( idk what that means bc now I’m kinda worried that means I had sexually feelings for my abuser deep down but I woke up like chill until I remembered and I felt disgusted ofc but I feel like I’m so used to anything being a possibility like maybe I do think or that like the ocd exposure thing that I feel bad that I kinda am not scared as much anymore? But it still concerns me bc I feel so disgusted by it now and even more bc my groinals and I still feel it like bleh :/

I get anxiety every single time I have a stomach ache and you know how often I have a stomach ache every single day I get anxiety every single day about the same things and even more things but it’s not just that so much things trigger it and I feel so misunderstood like people think oh you have a fear of throwing up well no one like throwing up or get over it but it’s not that simple I’m traumatized like I’d rather do something I absolutely hate than throw up. I literally avoid everything I can’t eat this can do that can’t share. i have to take vitamin c everyday to improve my immune system I don’t like travel because I’m scared of motion sickness I get scared on rides thinking someone will Throw up on me I cant drink even though I’m underage and alcohol is disgusting but still I can’t be around little kids because they have too many germs. I always think I have a fever and I’m constantly checking my temp. I’m constantly feeling my head and my cheeks to make sure they’re not hot. I get scared to go to my cousins house because they are always sick I can’t eat at certain restaurant i have to check dates on food. I can’t wear certain clothes. i have dreams of myself throwing up. When I get intrusive thoughts/ images about me getting sick or someone else. I Literally can not function on certain days from the past I got sick there is so much more how will this ever stop how will I ever be able to function I avoid so much and I literally miss out on so much things because of this like I literally want to shut down in my room and never come out that’s how bad it is. I have this extreme fear of getting sick/ vomiting and OCD has latched onto that fear ever since I was little and I have to do all these compulsions and this is just a list of some of the things I have to do. Anyone else relate?

does anybody else experience more OCD like symptoms when they feel as though their life is getting out of control or a big change happened? when I feel as though things are getting out of control, I obsess over the things that I can’t control. Such as food, cleanliness, and the list goes on and on I’m sure you would understand.

hello! this is going to be a personal rant about my current struggles with OCD. specifically Cis-OCD, which is pretty much just TOCD in reverse (obsession/fear of actually being cis in denial). i'm a 21 year old trans man, i came out around 5 and a half years ago and i've been on T for 2 years and am 7 months post top surgery. since around october, i've been dealing with intrusive thoughts surrounding my gender. pre-transition, i had this theme for a few months: the "what if i've just been faking it this whole time/what if i'm not truly trans?". my family didn't understand my identity at first and questioned me a lot on it and i always felt like i had to justify/explain myself. which was pretty much fuel to the fire. no matter what, though, this identity that i hold felt like gravity. i always ended up back here because it's who i truly am and i know that deep down. years later, far after the initial obsession, in early january i began my medical transition. it was seriously the best decision i could have made for myself. my mental health reached a baseline of okay-ness that i had never experienced before. bad things that would happen to me didn't feel like they were going to consume me, i felt true, prolonged happiness for the first time in a long time. i was joyful as every change came along with the hormones, as i felt a synchronization between my body and mind that i had never experienced before. i had surgery in may 2022 and seeing my chest for the first time made me feel something indescribable and amazing. i have a video of myself taking my shirt off outside for the first time over the summer and not knowing how to express how overcome with emotion i was. from jan 2021-october 2022 my ocd was also not very severe and i could function in school and daily life a lot better than usual. then october hit, and i got the flu for the first time in around three years, and i was in bed and my body ached very badly. i was sick three times that semester. an intrusive thought came into my head, the same one from years before, the "maybe your body hurts and you feel bad because you secretly regret your transition". at first, the thoughts were easier to fight off and explain away with logic. but as i kept fighting, the thoughts kept searching for new evidence. i began to have to check my memories over and over, to examine whether or not i was happier when i was younger before i transitioned, to examine pictures of me before and after and throughout and make sure i still felt like who i am. i began having to look in the mirror for a long time and check whether i recognized my reflection as my true self, to feel my chest and facial hair repeatedly to check that i still liked the changes i had made. i read accounts of people who had transitioned and people who detransitioned and made a mental tally of how many things they said i could relate to. i started telling friends about the obsession in hopes of seeking reassurance. a lot of the thoughts were irrational in nature and took things from my past and twisted them to be "signs" that the thoughts were true. when i got reassurance i felt better for a little while but the OCD never took that as an answer. it just kept getting worse. i told my dad about it in november over the phone and he said something along the lines of "if you keep thinking it, it has to have some credibility. the thoughts are there for a reason." i flipped out and panicked really bad that night. i didn't want the thoughts to be true. i didn't think they were. i'm happy with myself. but then my dad said "well, it's obviously more distressing to be wrong about who you are than right about it" and i couldn't stop thinking about that over and over. there were times where i used tips from OCD resources i'd found online, to help me accept uncertainty. when i'd do that, i would temporarily get out of how bad it was. i would be my normal self again, for a few weeks, and i began to do the things i enjoyed again like painting and video editing. but there would always be something to trigger it and i would end up back in the cycle. on tiktok i saw a video about someone who detransitioned after like seven years being out, and the "what if" thoughts came back really quickly. i went through their whole account and needed to know all the information so i would know if i matched it (i did not but the what ifs made me even question that). as this thing got worse, the lines between what was real and what was not got blurred for me. i began not trusting anything i thought and i wasn't able to engage with the world at all. every random stimulus (TV shows, song lyrics, writing) made me twist it up to be about the obsession even though it was completely unrelated. since many of my compulsions are mental, i wouldn't even realize i was doing them. i became miserable and my brain felt like a minefield, a hellscape. constant excruciating pain. i barely made it through the fall semester and had to be hospitalized two days before christmas as i became very unsafe very fast. i thought my problem was too complex and unheard of even within the OCD world to even bother getting help. but i did anyway in a last ditch attempt before i gave up completely. i'm now out of the hospital and entering into an IOP (intensive outpatient program) treatment on monday. i'm scared that it won't work on me or that i'm deeply in denial. i feel like i have better insight now than i did when i was hospitalized but i'm constantly on the edge of going down the rabbit hole again and i need to keep myself out of it. if you got this far, thank you for reading. i'm a little scared to even talk about this on a public platform but here we are. i don't know what the purpose of this post was but i guess i just wanted to write about my journey so far

I’ve prided myself on my ability to stick to a discipline, practice in my art, and used my “struggles” with OCD in not only my lyricism; but in nearly every task that I do. I do not have trouble letting go of this productivity on a day that I decide to. But it’s how I enjoy living. I hold myself to a very high standard for productivity + efficiency. I’ve never allowed that to feel like a “burden”. I simply do the things that I need to do, and then do the things I want to do. I feel that there is a connotation to OCD that has a “negative” tone. Is it really something that you need to “cure”? Instead of something to learn to live with? Like a missing limb / a vision impairment? Do you believe I am on the right track by wanting to identify my strengths > my weaknesses? And that the best strategy is to learn to minimize how those weaknesses + compulsions affect my daily functioning? I feel like I have learned to use my “mental illness” to my advantage. I do not feel like it’s magical thinking, as belief makes reality. If I believed that I were debilitated, I would be debilitated. I believe that I am someone who has OCD. Not someone who is OCD. I find a lot of pleasure & satisfaction in engaging my healthier “compulsions”. I choose to engage in these behaviors. As a ritual > a compulsion. I feel that it adds more of a human meaning to the clinical experience that learning about + living with OCD can be. As a relaxation ritual, I will take 10-15 minutes to arrange crystals, various rocks, and other trinkets, that I have assigned personal value to. I practice mindfulness during this time. I light a few candles. I open my window. I pour a glass of water. I engage all of my sense (along with each of the 4 elements ((earth rocks, water cup, air window, fire candle))). I’ve lost several of these stones, and gained others. I aim to keep them safe for as long as possible. I have learned to cope with my emotions & obsessions by, instead of always trying to combat this OCD monster; let him out of the cage when I choose to do so. I believe that it’s important to accept that part of myself. I’ve noticed that trying to have “control” over it, only leads to it worsening in the long run. So I choose to let it out in my music, or in my art. As I understand: compulsions are the real issue with OCD. Everyone has obsessions / intrusive thoughts. But OCD’s complication is that we develop unhealthy obsessions, to cope with the distress caused by these mostly normal human feelings & behaviors. Then, we connect some greater meaning to our compulsions. Is this not just a more complex way of describing everyone? Do we not all compulsively do things? Are we as a society more riddled with OCD because of an increase in media, fast paced living, lack of control over our lives, and an ever growing + evolving world? If my compulsions are healthy & make me happy, is there as much of an issue to “solve”? Or is it more important to understand the deeper problems & trauma that I’ve been learning had started my OCD? I understand more about my fears, triggers, and specific obsessions, as I use the model of OCD to analyze them. But, it feels a bit strange to be seeing myself in this way. As if I have something wrong with me / that I need to see as “more of a problem”. I feel like a lot of well intentioned people are upset that I see it differently. That I see it as a part of my life + my way of being. If I spend time cleaning, making music, doing calisthenics, jewelry making, clothing customizing, painting, and using other mixed media mediums; is that the OCD doing it or is it me? Is having OCD & trying to “live a normal life” what causes so many people so much distress and pain? Or is it that OCD is an affliction of those who experience severe distress & pain, and it becomes an entity outside of themselves (inside of themselves)?

I feel like If I don't tell someone something I'll go crazy and I can't talk to to my family or friends I am to scared that they will hate me if that did happen I couldn't take it I'm so scared I just downloaded this app and I don't know much about ocd except what iv watched on YouTube and read online why am I don't even know why I'm trying this I just want to be ok the last few days have been the worst I do my best to act normal around my family but I can tell I'm not do that good of a job I can't stop crying when I'm alone i soon know what to do with my self I'm so fucked sorry for this rable Idk if this even helped I know I'm not supposed to ask for reassurance sorry

Hi everyone, this is my first post on this app! My OCD manifests in severe skin picking, which has gone on for about 5 or 6 years now. I don’t know how to stop, my go to places I pick are my chest and shoulders, I have so many scars and I get so self conscious if I’m wearing something that shows skin, because i feel gross. Does anybody have any tips or recommendations on things to try? I am so desperate to stop, but I literally cannot control it😭 (I also notice I tend to pick extra bad when I’m tired, stressed, or anxious). I seriously appreciate any advice you all can give!!

I’ve never tried posting in this community or any online community for that matter, but my girlfriend of 8 years just told me she wanted to take a weeklong break 3 days ago. I know a week isn’t long and I believe everyone deserves space when they need it, I’ve been trying to give it to her. We’ve still ended up texting everyday (I made a rule with myself that I’d only text her if she texted me, so that the space is there if she wants it). These obviously aren’t our normal texts, the coldness and having to pretend this isn’t my other-half of 8 years is killing me. I haven’t been diagnosed with OCD, but I’m almost positive I have rocd reocd. Ive been the type to make up problems in my head and obsess over them until I have to share my thoughts with her, this usually upsets her and we have a fight. She’s amazing, and I’d do anything for her, but shes not the reassuring type when I’m panicking about our relationship (not that that’s her responsibility). I have this awful feeling that when we talk about it after this week, she’s going to ask to just be friends. For some reason I just can’t do this, I can’t keep conversing this way with the woman Ive planned my life away with, I can’t keep living in this hell. I know that my delusions will get better once we move in together as they completely go away when we stay together, but I can’t help but feel that she’ll doubt this and want to break up anyway. As dramatic as I feel saying this, these last few days have been torture on my heart and mind. I can’t eat, and when I do I throw up and dry heave, I’ve lost 10 pounds in 3 days. My whole day is filled with random panic attacks and an inability to remain present and focused for more than 5 minutes. The panic attacks get much worse at night, not allowing me to sleep, and I just keep fearing the worst and obsessing over what I’m going to say or do to show her I’m serious about making this work. I’ve contacted two counselors and am meeting with one tomorrow, but I just don’t know what to do right now. I really appreciate anyone who read all this I just needed to put it somewhere.

I’ve never tried posting in this community or any online community for that matter, but my girlfriend of 8 years just told me she wanted to take a weeklong break 3 days ago. I know a week isn’t long and I believe everyone deserves space when they need it, I’ve been trying to give it to her. We’ve still ended up texting everyday (I made a rule with myself that I’d only text her if she texted me, so that the space is there if she wants it). These obviously aren’t our normal texts, the coldness and having to pretend this isn’t my other-half of 8 years is killing me. I haven’t been diagnosed with OCD, but I’m almost positive I have rocd reocd. Ive been the type to make up problems in my head and obsess over them until I have to share my thoughts with her, this usually upsets her and we have a fight. She’s amazing, and I’d do anything for her, but shes not the reassuring type when I’m panicking about our relationship (not that that’s her responsibility). I have this awful feeling that when we talk about it after this week, she’s going to ask to just be friends. For some reason I just can’t do this, I can’t keep conversing this way with the woman Ive planned my life away with, I can’t keep living in this hell. I know that my delusions will get better once we move in together as they completely go away when we stay together, but I can’t help but feel that she’ll doubt this and want to break up anyway. As dramatic as I feel saying this, these last few days have been torture on my heart and mind. I can’t eat, and when I do I throw up and dry heave, I’ve lost 10 pounds in 3 days. My whole day is filled with random panic attacks and an inability to remain present and focused for more than 5 minutes. The panic attacks get much worse at night, not allowing me to sleep, and I just keep fearing the worst and obsessing over what I’m going to say or do to show her I’m serious about making this work. I’ve contacted two counselors and am meeting with one tomorrow, but I just don’t know what to do right now. I really appreciate anyone who read all this I just needed to put it somewhere.