Welcome to
the NOCD Community

do I have any Christ followers with ocd that can talk ?

Votes just happened in the uk, and my boyfriend used vote and lent it to a very bad party, unfortunately that is against human rights, racist and all stuff like that. His intentions weren’t bad at all, he didn’t vote because he SUPPORTS the party, he voted because he was lending a vote/tactically voting and KNEW that the party he chose wouldn’t win and didn’t want them to. At no point as he “supported” the party, he just wanted to take votes away from the main 2 (conservative and labour) and vote for the next one down to show those 2 parties that seats weren’t safe and they need to improve if they won. My friend of 4 years has possibly decided to stop talking to me because of my partners decision. I tried to explain that they misunderstood my bf and he doesn’t support the party he voted, but they weren’t willing to listen and accused my partner of all sorts. It hurts so much. My boyfriend KNOWS the party he voted is bad and very much dislikes them, and after talking to him he realised he made a bad choice and there was a better, less problematic option that he wishes he had voted. He explained why he voted to some other people, who were open minded and willing to listen to his explanation. It just really hurts how my friend was closed minded and wasn’t willing to listen to how they misunderstood my boyfriend. My ocd is going crazy about if he’s a bad person, wether I made the right decision, when actually his values are similar to mine and my friends, but because as soon as my friend heard the name of the party my bf voted, they were rude and not willing to listen to anything. My friend mistakenly believed my partner voted for the party because those are his values when they aren’t and think he supports the party. He just wanted to take away a vote from the main 2 parties at the top. Am I right for stopping talking to the friend? I’m an open minded person who is willing to understand why people make certain decisions. My boyfriend has stated he regrets voting the party he did and he has realised how bad they really are. He dislikes people who vote the party and WANT them to win, he thinks they are bad people. In so upset about this and I’m feeling like a terrible person, my friend made me feel like I’m a bad person when it wasn’t even my view/vote and I can’t stop feeling guilty. Is my partner bad???

i don’t think i have ocd, i have no idea what my compulsions are or if i even do any. the stuff that used to help me doesn’t work anymore, the more i searched the more it was convincing me that i was. each time i’d talk to my mum about it all when she’d reassure me i’d just automatically feel like everything i was saying was a lie and that i left parts out so she didn’t think differently of me. this is all so much, someone told me that noticing what your compulsions are helps a lot but i don’t know what mine are or if i even have them. if i don’t have it that will mean all these thoughts are probably really who i am and all the stuff ive been convinced ive done in the past is true. when i first started taking medication it was really bad, i felt like i needed to die. i’d research about p’s or their behaviours or go on quora and stuff to see the answer to my questions, at first it reassured me that i was nothing like those people but the stuff people would say abt their experiences would go through my head over and over again. my mind was constantly repeating comments i had read. i stopped reading because it didn’t help me but now the damage has been done and i know all of this stuff about people that i don’t want to know. it would help me knowing p’s didn’t get a groinal response from a name or a simple word which reassured me but now i don’t get that anymore and im searching for that because it was the thing i relied on the most. it’s made me feel disgusting for even looking for that feeling. when i first used reddit and this app every time o saw something i related to i would screenshot it and read over it to remind myself that other people are going through the exact same things as me but now i just feel like because ive read so much about it, i’ve convinced myself i do have ocd to cover up that im a bad person. i don’t feel worthy enough to receive help or even be happy because im probably just convincing myself i do have it.

These past weeks I’ve made phenomenal steps toward fighting back my OCD , I’ve either stopped having thoughts or minimized them and I’ve been able to focus on other things. However, last night I randomly started obsessing over one of my triggers and then I had this terrible disgusting dream about another one of my triggers. I used to tell myself “well as long as I don’t have dreams about it then it’s fine” well I just had a dream and now I feel sick to my stomach to the point of nausea. I made all this progress with my OCD and now it’s back again, I just want to cry, well I already am, but this is too much. This is like a sick joke

I have been feeling off lately ever since I got a new temporary jib through the agency. I was cleaning and had a housekeeping job, I took the job because I was desperate. Anyways, An ugly lady I don't like bumped into me with my arms / - shoulders and my mind can't get rid of this intrusive thoughts I'm so annoyed with myself. The only thing that will help me is get a massage. I've been depressed since I my thoughts are reminding me of this and I unfortunately do not have a lot of money to get a massage right now. Since I can't solve my problem at the moment I have felt/fallen into a deep depression and I have no more energy because of it and my thoughts. As well as financial anxiety. Uggg! FUCK! I hate having ocd. It's driving me nuts! Also, that since my thoughts are also thinking that the germs are getting everywhere. My mind is going nuts and my ocd has been acting up a lot. I'm also tired of life. I also have been having a bit of a negative mindset thanks to my fogged up mind and depression thanks to all of this. I really hate people with moles. Sorry it just grosses me out and fucks up my mindset when somebody I don't like bumps into me. Help! I need advice!

Recently I have been getting very terrible thoughts and groinal responses that feel like arousal. This is worse usually if I am tired or am just waking up. I could barely sleep. When these pocd things happen especially when im half asleep it feels as if my brain is letting the thoughts come and it feels like my body likes it (with the groinal response) I end up hitting myself in the head to make it go away. This is one of my compulsions. I hate ocd. Sometimes I just want to say im a p and a bad person to just get it over with. I feel like I’m hiding behind an ocd mask. I hate this. I want to cry but I can’t.

for so long now i have felt alone in my OCD symptoms. it feels like it’s never ending. one of the many parts is my physical urges that hurt. i push down on my fingers, usually the middle and thumb, so much that they hurt and bruise. i’ve recently pushed down on and grinded my teeth so hard they became loose and my gums inflamed. it’s exhausting but the urges never stop. i’ve tried resisting them so much, it just never sticks

hello! so I just recently started having really bad intrusive thoughts, specifically harming myself and others, and it started after i broke up with my ex boyfriend. never once has it occurred to me that i may have OCD but now experiencing what i do now and looking back at my past, it kind of makes sense. I have never been diagnosed with OCD but i do struggle with anxiety. I’ve been questioning myself and asking myself if i am a bad person, when I know I am not, I mean i can’t even hurt a fly! i don’t understand where this is coming from or what to do to help myself because i just feel like isolating from everyone so i don’t have the intrusive thoughts or thinking about hurting someone. i feel alone and not like myself. i also have bad fomo so these thoughts aren’t helping😭

NSFW One of my compulsions is m-sturbation and I struggle with it here and there. Literally most of the time this compulsion is done is to get rid of groinal responses or the intrusive thoughts. but the compulsion itself is bad, and sometimes I think of really bad taboo thoughts and it gets me to finish but afterwards i feel very disgusted and shameful. i think these thoughts because i noticed they get me to finish way faster and im trying to look for a solution. i hate this so much because i know its wrong and i know it gives me temporary relief but thats the only “immediate” solution i guess. i feel like this makes me different. like something is ACTUALLY wrong with me. the taboo ranges from family, animals, trauma. how do i get out of this cycle. i feel disgusting and i feel as though this compulsion means im more likely to act this stuff out.

Not good. My mom and I used to have like a mental link but now she can’t really figure out what’s on my mind after my blow up. I had a choice, to regulate and do my best to figure things out it may have been difficult but it was technically the easier way since nothing bad would happen to anybody. But I chose to just let it all loose and tell my entire family everything on my mind. All thoughts anything really. Not true thoughts thou not really me I think I just let anything that disturbed me come into the light which was most likely not even true not me just a thought or stuff I already knew the answer to and so my thoughts were also untrue. I put myself in a space where I could just be comforted to let loose and I did. I didn’t take it or life seriously and now I am living the consequences with really tattered relationship with my sister and odd dynamics of mom and dad. Why did I do that? Because I kept on feeding the beast of my negative thoughts I didn’t pull through I didn’t take it seriously even though I was scared. I think my mom can’t read my mind because all I am really thinking about is how I could have done things differently in the past and how even after I kept on making mistakes and now my sister is pulling even more away not just boundaries but pulling away. I don’t feel real but that’s not fair to others in theory I get it but I just feel dead on the inside like my beautiful soul died and won’t come back. I don’t know what I want from this post. What I really want is someone to tell me I can go to the past and change all this. This is literally the worst most horrific thing I have ever experienced or done. Pls someone idk anybody help. Idk if I want reassurance or not because I’ve heard so many people say it I just want something that speaks to me hopefully something that sparks something in me to keep on living and doing my best to mend all of this. Pick up the pieces I broke and not feel so broken 😞which I am not but something like shattered

I am in the uk and voting just happened. My friend of 4 years voted for the party that has the opposite values of what my partner voted. Most people who vote the party my partner voted ARE bad people, but I am an open minded person and willing to know why instead of just assuming someone is bad straight away. My friend saw what my bf voted and was mortified and called him all sorts like racist and sexist etc. yet they haven’t ever had a proper conversation with my boyfriend or really known him. I know that my boyfriend didn’t vote for the reason my friend thought. He explained that he didn’t want the party he voted to win and dislikes them like me. The whole reason he voted is because he knew they WOULDNT win, not because he agreed with them and wanted them to win, he just wanted to lend his vote away and not vote for the same 2 main parties like most people, he didn’t want to vote for the 2 main parties as both of them have failed the country and with the uk you vote for your local politician and in his local area the 2 main parties were close and neither were more likely to win than the other, and he didn’t want to vote for either so he voted for a party that was predicted to be 3rd place and they wouldn’t win which they didn’t, and by voting for the party who were predicted to be 3rd it would show the 2 main local politicians that their seat was not safe and wasn’t a guarantee in the next general election so the vote was a tactical vote for the future as every seat matters to political parties so they would put more effort into making a positive change to secure their seat in the next general election.(sorry for long explanation) I got him to message my friend to have a civil discussion and try and get them to understand that they misunderstood my partner, but they just were not having it and didn’t want to listen and called us all sorts of stuff that we are not and I’ve had to drop them as a friend :( I feel like such a shit person I want to make everyone happy but I can’t and I feel like an awful person because I couldn’t talk to 2 people who disagreed on political party choices. They believe my boyfriend voted the party he did because he is racist etc when actually he tactically voted and DOES NOT support the party he voted, just wanted to take away from the main 2. He has stated that he would be UNHAPPY if the party he voted won, he only voted because he knew there was no chance of them winning. I know that my boyfriend actually has similar views to me and my friend. But he just wanted to try something different and ended up seeming like the main bad people who vote that particular party when he isn’t. Am I worrying about this too much and am I right for dropping my friend who wasn’t willing to have a discussion and has a sort of radicalised view and was rude to us and not willing to listen to my partner explain that they misunderstood?

Even tho I still experience symptoms from time to time, my ability to handle them, and use strategies learned both from here at NOCD and my own readings of books has drastically changed how I respond to them and how I can accept them. I want to also share how important it is to feel comfortable about sharing what your OCD is about, I suffered from real event OCD and I struggled with talking about it (kinda part of the theme right?) but nobody here is going to judge you or “report” you. They are here to help.

I find myself always needing to make sure God know I am grateful for all he has done for me. My prayers consist of a lot of thanks yous that sometimes turn into loops. They really do feel like a compulsion, but one with meaning behind. But I guess that’s just what OCD is. They flow out of, over and over again. I can’t help it. And there aren sentences that I will repeat. Not because of a compulsion, but because of muscle memory, since I have the same exact prayer every single night. Sometimes I question if that’s okay, since my friend says prayer is a conversation. Is it okay to have the same repeating conversation with God? Always saying the same things in almost the same order? What are your experiences with this, thoughts, and ways you’ve combatted it.

I’ve spiraled to the lowest of rock bottom. I now have all subtypes and I do not deserve to live. I hate my mind so much. This has all happened in 3 months and all because of reassurance.

I've been having recurring thoughts of wanting to break up with my boyfriend. And this is the first time I've ever experienced these thoughts, a while back I also experienced thinking I didn't love him anymore. And I do love him a lot, but these thoughts and urges are so scary and I don't know what to do. I've also started picking out flaws and things I don't like about him and I don't know why because I feel so guilty about it and especially since he is the sweetest person ever. And it feels like these thoughts won't go away and I'm just so scared I'm gonna lose him because of this.

Hi there, this is my first time posting but I thought it would help me to talk to others going through the same issues. I have had repeated health issues within the last few years that have lead to extreme obsessive OCD over the most minor thing. Most recently I had sinus surgery and have been freaking out about getting a fungal sinus infection post surgery after discovering large amounts of mold in my apartment. I have an infection that my doctor wants to treat with antibiotics now but I can’t help thinking that it is something more serious that the doctor might have missed (because it says online that it is often missed by doctors). Everyone I am in pain from it I can not help but thinking the worst and while I try pushing myself through, I am always brought back to the same thought, that I will be dead within a few weeks. No matter what I try I can not seem to push past this and even with doing exposure therapy in the past, it was hard to do because I would be literally doing things doctors would say not to do that would get me sick. Maybe I gave up to early with the exposure therapy to early but my OCD is so episodic, I couldn’t just replicate the feelings for a session. Just looking for some advice from someone who has had to deal with similar stuff, would appreciate anything, thank you!

OCD is being mean again recently. If I come across a video of someone who has cancer, or some kind of ailment, I have to watch it with so much focus, read every caption perfectly, or I feel like I’ll get the same cancer or ailment. Totally irrational. I know. I keep telling myself so. Yet I can’t help but give into these compulsions. Because I know they’re compulsions, and I know it’s OCD. But there’s still a “what if” flicker in my head. “What if this feeling actually a warning and not OCD this time.” Part of it is my scrupulosity OCD. I feel like God is going to punish me for “not being compassionate” Or empathy, or caring enough by giving me the same ailment I ignored. Like a religious karma. And I’d like to say I KNOW for a fact God won’t do that, but OCD makes me believe other wise. What’s your experiences with this, even if it’s not religion OCD related.

I just think this isn’t ocd anymore, i don’t know how to explain it very well but every since my ocd started i’ve been getting this weird sensation that i described as anxiety but i associated with the fact that i’m actually going crazy and that i’ve been faking mi whole life and i want to hurt the people i love (specifically my mom) i know i love her but i get trigger literally by everything and i’m so scared. My mind is telling me that i don’t have empathy so i’m constantly checking if i feel the way i have to when something sad happens and the thoughts are racing, i’m so tired of this it’s like i don’t know who i am anymore, i feel like i’m about to snap and hurt someone.. pls someone respond to this

18+ I don’t know the ins and out of ROCD so tell me if I’m wrong here… I have been fearing lately that I have groomed my partner/friend. In the beginning I used to make sex jokes all the time. Something shifted in me and I don’t do that all that much anymore. I dealt with intrusive thoughts about them lying about their age and for the longest time I cut off all sexual talk even if just a joke. It made me incredibly ill. Now I’ve slowly gotten passed that and we make jokes like that once more but less frequently since I’ve found the old jokes now to be tacky and tasteless. Now my brain is telling me that my partner only returns these jokes cause I’ve groomed them…. They are one year younger than me so maybe that’s why these thoughts are coming up. I’m worried that I’ve somehow groomed them unintentionally to get sexual stuff out of them. That idea plagues me pretty badly. One incident does stick out and makes me sick to my stomach where they teased me by showing me a bit of a nsfw story they were writing and I played up the whole begging thing to see the rest. I felt as if I pressured them. They showed some of it but I begged to see the rest…. Of course I didn’t know to the extent how nsfw it was… but it made me feel ill. Please what should my next step even be anymore? I feel like I should just leave, but they always talk about how much they need me to stay. They talk soooo much about how they need me. I feel like… but do you really? How do I know I’m not hurting/coercing you… how do I know this is right and okay?

I have been with my boyfriend for just over a year now, I have been having rocd like thoughts and confessing since February. There was a situation when I’d just turned 16 where I was immature and feel like I cheated and I am struggling to forgive myself and keep seeing myself as a horrible bad person, even though my boyfriend has forgiven me because it was almost 2 years ago and he knows I was just silly and immature and he said it wasn’t cheating but close and still not good. When I was 15 I was friends with a guy who I had a crush on for a few months, but he was giving mixed signals and I have autism and don’t understand things unless it’s straight forward, so I was confused on if he actually liked me or if he was jokingly being flirty for fun but was too scared to really ask. Then that August a diff guy messaged saying he liked me. This guy was acting more mature/serious, so I took it as him actually liking me. A few days later I was 16 & the second guy said he was 18. I was a little bit funny with the age gap so it was more of a “let’s wait until we are older” situationship thing. There wasn’t really boundaries set or any talk of being official/exclusive. Before I had met this second guy in August, I send lewd pictures to the first guy I had a crush on. After I met the second guy I sent lewd pictures to both guys when I knew them both. So basically after meeting the second guy and sent him lewd stuff, I also continued to send lewd stuff to the first guy. This was stupid of me, although I had no bad intent and just didn’t really think about what I was doing and didn’t have much relationship experience, it was still a stupid idea and I feel insanely guilty and like a awful person who can’t be forgived. The first guy found out about the second guy and shouted at me and made me realise maybe the first guy was actually serious but I didn’t pick up on it so talked to the second guy. After he told me off, I realised yeah that was wrong I won’t do it again, and any situationship/relationship I had after that I never did the same thing again because I realised it was wrong. Also within the same week of the first guy finding out about the second guy, I stopped being in a situationship with the second guy cause i found out he lied about his age. So I stopped talking to both of them. I always think of wanting to be a really good person in a relationship, but whenever I remember that situation despite never doing it again I’m just like ugh I did that I’m not a good person I hate cheats but my ocd is like “you cheated so ur a hypocrite u can’t say u hate cheating” I feel so horrible and guilty, I confessed it to my bf a few months ago when I was having these ocd like thoughts. Am I a bad person who shouldn’t be forgiven? Is it cheating???