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the NOCD Community

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Answer please. Does anyone else with intrusive thoughts feel like your addicted to them. Like I can't help but feel like I need to have these intrusive thoughts. Ik it sounds weird but I feel it's true. Like I keep getting blasphemous thoughts and I feel like I need to have them. I know I do not but I can't help but feel like I do. Can OCD do this to you?

i have always kept my struggles with ocd from friends and family, except for my parents, but they don’t know everything about it either. i guess what im looking for is advice, reassurance, someone who can relate, or someone to explain what is going on with me. recently i have had a terrible problem with grinding my teeth a certain way on the left side and then the right side to make it “even” and it has become a habit. i can never put my right sock on before my left sock and i can never put my right leg in first when putting pants on… if i don’t always put my left before my right i can’t help but feel like it is a part of some sort of butterfly effect where everything will spiral if i don’t follow my normal steps. i constantly pick at my skin and my eyebrows because i can’t stand feeling unkept. i take 2 showers a day whenever i feel “dirty” and i have a very specific routine. whenever i look at windows, doors, doorframes, picture frames, tvs, or anything with an outline i count it. i count how many sides there are, how many corners there are, how many panes are in a glass window, etc. in school i have trouble focusing because i count ceiling and floor tiles. i struggle taking tests occasionally because if i read the directions or question in the “wrong tone” in my head, then i will most definitely get the question wrong and fail. this causes me to re-read over and over again until it feels right, and i end up running out of time and having to make up tests that i didn’t finish. i believe my ocd and perfectionism ultimately lead me to bad places in my mind. i struggle with standards and expectations mentally due to my ocd. i fear that i will never be understood, even by my own self. sometimes i scare myself because i get random images of people inflicting harm on others or on me. years ago when i first acknowledged my ocd, i became very depressed. i felt different in a bad way, like people could read my mind and know what was going on and think i’m a bad person. i am generally popular with people now, i am an excellent student, and i am beautiful, but i have always struggled. i have no idea how to take care of myself and i have no one with similar experiences. i just downloaded this app and i am really glad i get to rant so i hope someone listens to me and my struggles with ocd. thank you.

i had pocd when i was 11. somehow i did not realize an eleven year old cannot be a pedophile. i couldn't go to church, school, public in general. anywhere with kids. i had days where i would just spend hours crying. i thought i deserved to be executed or something. every time i see people with pocd i want to talk about my experiences, but i get terrified someone will see me saying i had it and misinterpret it. i read a story about a man in an ocd support group with pocd being shunned because people thought his thoughts were true. it was very hard for me to even post about it, out of fear someone will see it and know who i am. i was 11. 11 and i wanted to die. i'm far past it now and i want to be a mother. but it's like a shadow that follows me everywhere.

Did you have any intrusive thought that was such absurd that you can laught now about it even maybe it was really terrified for you in that moment?

Do you ever meet a guy that treats you so well and you fall in love with him but then all of a sudden you get hit with thoughts of self doubt on weather or not you do love him or even find him attractive? I’m going through this right now and these thoughts overtake my emotions and any time we do lovey dovey things my stomach drops and I get anxious when I can’t feel any lovey dovey emotions. It also makes me want to run away or makes me question that I don’t wanna be with him and it’s stressful to deal with these thoughts daily. Anyone relate?

Hey! I'm a lesbian and have been identifying as such for about 5 years now. I feel completely comfortable with that identity and it has become a huge part of how I see myself as a person. I'm still in the closet and hence lie all the time about my sexual orientation and it has gotten me wondering if I wasn't faking it all for attention. I've always been okay with my identity and suddenly I'm not sure about anything anymore. I get distressing thoughts about sexual intercourse with men and repeatedly check whether or not I am sexually attracted to them (on social medias, in the street...). Since I'm also on the ace spectrum, all the comments about "meeting the right person" are fueling my inner monologue because what if that person was a male after all? I feel like I'm losing my sense of self and it's terrifying because I genuinely can't tell whether I'm in denial or not 😭. Anyone going through something similar?

Anybody else with intrusive thoughts related to religion feel like they are coming from you. Does anybody else feel numb to your thoughts and like u just don't care. I'm scared that I committed the unforgivable sin, I feel lost and scared. I can't tell my thoughts from my intrusive thoughts anymore. I can't feel any emotions to my thoughts. I'm scared God has abandoned me. I'm scared he cut me off. I'm worried about my thoughts. I feel numb and emotionless and scared. I feel scared and confused like God has Left me or something. I try to cry and I do but I feel nothing in my heart. I ask God to forgive me and soften my heart to him but I feel nothing. I'm scared that I am going to hell and be eternally separated from God. If anybody has had similar experiences or thoughts pls comment or if u even see my post pls give me advice on what to do I'm really scared and emotionless. I'm scared. I love god and the holy Spirit but idk what to do.

Is anyone’s anxiety and OCD worse while on their period? I was doing good this week but today I called out of work and am laying in bed feeling like shit with Pure/Harm/Suicidal OCD thoughts. Not to mention body aches, headache, and nausea.

Hi all. I’m still really struggling with harm themes towards my dog and I wondered if anyone else has had this happen. The images, thoughts, everything that I get - they all go against anything I’ve ever felt towards her. At all. But now, it feels like that’s my new normal - and my actual values, like loving her, not wanting to harm her, feel fake. I don’t know how else to explain it. It feels like I don’t care, don’t love her and wouldn’t be bothered by harming her yet I know that’s not true in anyway. But it scares the hell out of me. Like I walk around with it all day and have to remind myself why it’s not something I would want to do, vs the other way around! It is the worst thing. Am I alone?

Hello guys. I really need advice over here, my brain feels like it's in a fog. And I'm scared. I feel really angry and upset and indifferent towards God and it scares me. I feel faithless and concerned about if God is mad at me. I feel like I'm gonna lose control and rip my head off or gonna smash my head. I keep getting urges and uncontrollable thoughts and it feels all to real. I'm trying so hard to fight and pray, but I'm on edge I have no idea what's coming next. I'm scared that I don't even have OCD. I want to be sure I have OCD. My mind keeps saying I'm using OCD as a excuse for my thoughts. I feel angry on the inside and I'm scared what does this say about me. I'm really freaking out on a internal level. Any advice or anybody who went through this pls respond.

Does anybody else get really tired, like I mean to the point we're you sometimes just don't care. I feel like that right now and it's scaring me. I don't have motivation to pray or do anything. I'm worried that all along it was me and it finally came out and now I'm done for. I still get anxious when I feel the thoughts coming but I just don't have motivation to fight them. Or to pray afterwards. Idk if any of y'all have this happen but I would love to know.

Please someone help me... I need advice... and Im spiraling and im triggered... My pocd keeps saying that my worst fear of unknowingly cybering with a minor has actually happened and it's really triggering the hell out of me... I feel so horrible...My pocd keeps saying I "unknowingly erotically role played with a minor" when idek if this actually happened or not... this was nearly three years ago... (september of 2021) for context we were erotically role playing on an 18+ discord server, and then she suddenly stopped responding, before leaving the server shortly after an unknown time... im so freaking anxious and scared... her grammar was fine at first, but then as we were going on, she kept making errors like "boxer" or "then" instead of "than"... my pocd keeps saying that I "UNKNOWINGLY EROTICALLY ROLEPLAYED WITH A MINOR" when idek if this happened or not... three people told me she sounded like/is a young adult... chatGPT tells me she sounded like a teenager... I genuinely dont know what to believe anymore... (these two photos are from her account, and the beginning of our conversation... I hope she wasnt a teenager... I really hope she wasnt...)

i can’t take care of myself anymore. i’m sleeping with no bedsheets, no pillow and no blankets. it’s so hard to do anything. i can’t shower, i can barely eat, i can’t brush my teeth. i want to self harm so bad right now, i just want to end it all honestly. i feel like i was doomed from the start. my own mother says i should just kill myself. i don’t know what to do at this point. i can’t accept help because i can’t have anyone near me. i feel hopeless. i know this is temporary but, i don’t know. i feel like a child who needs to be guided, i just want someone to hold my hand and help me, but my mother hears my cries for help and ignores me. i’m an adult, there’s no one here to save me, no one to guide me. all i have is myself but, im no good.

OCD makes me feel like i am the scum of the earth and i believe it is true. i’ve done horrible things in the past when i was younger that i am not proud of. i know people say that we have to forgive ourselves for our past mistakes/know that our mistakes don’t define us or what not, but i feel like what i’ve done is irredeemable. although i was young back then, it dosent make it an excuse bc i am old enough to know it was wrong. why would i do that?? i’ve tried to forgive myself, but i keep going back in a loop bc of my OCD. what if i am using my OCD as an excuse? i don’t know what to do, please help.

Please someone help me... I need advice... and Im spiraling and im triggered... My pocd keeps saying that my worst fear of unknowingly cybering with a minor has actually happened and it's really triggering the hell out of me... I feel so horrible...My pocd keeps saying I "unknowingly erotically role played with a minor" when idek if this actually happened or not... this was nearly three years ago... (september of 2021) for context we were erotically role playing and then she suddenly stopped responding, before leaving the server shortly after an unknown time... im so freaking anxious and scared... her grammar was fine at first, but then as we were going on, she kept making errors like "boxer" or "then" instead of "than"... my pocd keeps saying that I "UNKNOWINGLY EROTICALLY ROLEPLAYED WITH A MINOR" when idek if this happened or not... three people told me she sounded like/is a young adult... chatGPT tells me she sounded like a teenager... I genuinely dont know what to believe anymore... (these two photos are from her account, and the beginning of our conversation... I hope she wasnt a teenager... I really hope she wasnt...)

Can anyone tell me usually why or when ocd first occurs? Is it trauma from childhood? Or do people randomly wake up one day and have developed it?…. I can’t remember the first time I started/developed it, but I must’ve been like in 5th grade… I come from a Hispanic household where unfortunately a lot of these households don’t “believe” in therapy or a counselor or mental illness’. I knew something was wrong with myself but I never knew how to express it. I just thought I was actually a crazy person & wasnt “normal” as others. Until this year I started seeing a therapist & he really made me feel like I was not alone. Due to insurance purposes I had to stop seeing him. I don’t think I’ve gotten better I’ve just gotten heard…but the only positive thing about it is that I can hide it very well now, a lot of ppl wouldn’t know vs in the past I had people catch me doing “weird” things. (Very repetitive stuff, fixing things, the list goes on & on). I had to learn to manage & “hide” what I was doing because my kiddos were catching on & would ask me what or why I was doing it, for example “repetitive stuff” lol . I really want it to go away, although I have managed my ticks & triggers, it’s still always in my mind, it stops me from having fun family time, stops me from doing my work at work or doing things or even speaking in a “normal” speed way. For example telling a story or when talking, I have the need to say every single detail, I get side tracked a lot & have to explain those details then it just goes & goes I take forever to say what ima say , it takes me a long time to get to the point like this whole post here it started with a question & now idk what my point was no more 😂 ps. I love making jokes about it to myself to keep myself positive, my close family knows and they’re supportive, it’s all love. I just wish it can actually go away I am concerned it will always be with me…

Does anyone else get really bad thoughts that attack the holy Spirit. I hope I am not the only one. These thoughts scare me because they come in all different ways they disappeared for about 4 days, and one day they came back and they are worse now than they have ever been. They keep attacking him, ever chance they get. I can't pray, go for a walk, or watch tv, or even talk to people without negativity towards him. Like my thoughts keep blaming him for everything, I can't get rid of these thoughts. What makes me sad the most is when I'm tired I can't fight them and my biggest concern is that it's coming from me. I'm worried about what the thoughts say about me. Do I mean to have these thoughts. I can't seem to be happy. I feel lost and scared that I have done something wrong to make God mad at me. My parents won't let me get therapy, I'm all alone. I'm nervous and anxious about my thoughts. And I pray but I can't find peace. I hope everyone who is going through this never has to go through this the way I am.

Hello all I'm a little bit of a wreck right now. Idk if any of y'all go through this but I would love to know I'm not the only one. My mind keeps trying to attribute all the bad things because of the holy Spirit. I would never say those things but I'm scared and confused. I'm scared I am pushing God away. Sometimes I get really scared because sometimes I don't care and it scares me. I'm nervous these thoughts are coming from me. And because of these thoughts I can't even thank the holy Spirit or feel safe. And because of these thoughts they make me doubt who I am as a person and it scares me. What if I'm asking for forgiveness and I don't mean it. What if I am doomed. Any responses would be nice I can't even cry properly anymore.

I feel as though no matter what, I am going to feel like I am a p or a z00phile for the rest of my life. My ocd is terrible. When I do better in life, such as now, these things are always in the back of my head. As if im tainted, and no longer have the ability to be a good person. When I was a kid, I was very hyper sexual, I don’t know why, I don’t remember much. but I watched and did some pretty strange things. I am 18 now, obviously do not do those strange things, but I struggle with m-sturbstion ALOT.(it being a compulsion for my ocd, which is terrible) i have been in situations where this compulsion happened and it was inappropriate (either where I was, who I was with, or what was next to me, NEVER A KID, but sometimes my cat was next to me or very close) I try everyday to just move past all of this, but I feel as though I can’t, sometimes I do, then the rumination starts again. I really do not want to hear anything about turning to God. I believe in God but I am not very religious. I just would like to know a logical way how to feel like I can be a better person and not be tainted? Or am I even a good person at all or have a chance? Im not trying to reassurance seek, im just genuinely confused