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I’m just so scared I’m in denial. And it’s affecting how I dress. I want to wear sweatpants and baggy clothes but then I feel like I look like a lesbian. I just feel like the way I wear clothes and jewelry makes me seem like a lesbian because I’m not naturally like super feminine. I know it’s bs but it just sucks how this is getting into my head about every single aspect of my identity. I guess I just don’t have a secure sense of who I am and that’s what brings this on?
“If you are depressed you are living in the past. If you are anxious you are living in the future. If you are at peace you are living in the present.” ― Lao Tzu
False Attractions are something that I deal with mostly, that and just scared I’m in denial. Every single girl I see I get scared that I like her or I get intrusive thoughts about being with her (ahhh makes me feel so uncomfortable). It gets confusing when the backdoor spike hits and there is no anxiety. I get anxious and spiral wondering if I “felt anything” or wonder if I liked it. I really want to start a blog about SOOCD and dealing with OCD in general (or just from my experience) so people who go through the same thing as me don’t feel as alone. Reading other peoples experiences make me feel less alone, and I don’t know if it has something to do with reassurance seeking, which it might, I don’t know, but OCD in general is so debilitating and can leave someone feeling so isolated. I want to help people feel validated, no matter how scary or intrusive their thoughts are. Anyways, I’m really struggling nowadays. I do feel hope, even though sometimes it feels like it’s clouded over by some sort of darkness and makes me feel like everything is hopeless. But in 2022 I hope to lean into the uncertainty. I hope to accept my OCD diagnosis. I hope to get whatever help that I need, and same to all of you. I hope you can get the help you need, or desire.
Hi! I need an opinion! There is this thing that is flaring up my rocd, since always, and I would like to understand the situation better. A little background: me and my bf had some poor moments (a lot of disagreement, delusions etc) pasts months. Now we talked; we decided to try some compromises. One in particular keeps triggering me. I don't understand why for him is okay to see me only a few times (2-3) during the week. We already talked about it, and in this last weeks I saw his efforts so I'm proud of him. (For example now if he have to do something else, and doesn't go out with me one day, he makes plans with for the next one etc). We chat more too! He always give me the goodmorning and goodnight, he always finds some times to at least replay to my messages. But for him, seeing me 2-3 times maximum In a week is enough, he doesn't feel the need or doesn't want me more. I can understand when there is university, when he has to work etc... (I don't like it, but he can be tired and it'd right to take some time alone). But now we have holidays!! And I would love to spend all my time with him, because togheter we have a lot of fun, and all I want is to be in his arms! I would love to make plans, travels, even free experience in thoose days togheter! But he keeps wanting to see me only the 2 or 3 times and I can't understand why for him this is enough!!! (Both of our love languages is quality time! And in the first month I was always above everything else! He said that I'm still important to him etc) I would love some opinions, not to find rassicurations, but to understand better why for him is enough, and his mentality! I can't see how loving someone and not wanting to see her whenever he has the opportunity can get along togheter!!
Hi may everyone comment a intrusive thought and compulsion they do (so I can show/ tell my friends family what others do so they realize it’s common) One I do is… Intrusive thought: something bad will happen to my family Compulsion: touch my face in sets of 3
My initial thoughts are not as scary bc I’ve been doing erp. For example, when an initial thought comes across I don’t go into panic mode, instead when the thought comes across I tell myself “maybe yes maybe no” and I feel better. But the thing that is getting to me is that the next thought is usually “did you just suppress a gay thought” and that makes me go into panic mode. And I feel bad because I’m like damn if I am suppressing these thoughts that would be sad like why cant i just decide on one so that I could be happy. You know? And I didn’t have these thoughts before. It’s so annoying because I constantly feel like what if I’m in denial. And it makes me question whether I’m happy with or attracted to my boyfriend. I want to be happy so I’m like do I leave him and maybe date women, but then Im like oh no i don’t want to do that I want to be with him and be happy with him. Anyone going through something similar?
I need some advice/tips if anyone has any.. so I’m pretty depressed and have put on about 30 pounds that I want to lose but it’s so hard with depression to get going to work out.. does anyone have any tips? I’m just so tired of feeling like shit about myself all the time. I have no energy, I feel and look gross. I hate it.
Can anyone give me ways to do ERP?! Please and thank you❤️ Happy New Years!!
Do others experience spikes in ROCD when you are away from your partner. We both live in the same city but go home to our families separately at the holidays. When we are apart, i sometimes feel anxious when people ask me about him and I notice increased worries around the relationship and fears that I’m not really in love or we aren’t right. I also worry that I don’t miss him enough. Does this sound familiar to others?
When I first found out I had rocd I was always freaking out it’s been a month and now I’m more calm but the thoughts are still there and sometimes they feel real but I know how to manage. It doesn’t mean that I don’t have rocd anymore right? It’s that I just got used to it?
My theme is so-ocd (worrying I’m aromantic or incapable of ever being in a relationship) and since I’ve had this theme whenever I think about dating or guys or even interact with guys sometimes I get this intense anxiety in my chest and a feeling of discomfort. Is this a checking compulsion? How do I move past what feels like such glaring evidence? Idek where this feeling comes from or why and it’s so unsettling. My mind just says that I’m incapable of relationships and ocd is just a cover and even though I don’t like the feelings I’m getting I can’t change them and I should just accept defeat
I am going to try my best to articulate what I am going through this morning…. 13 years. For 13 years I have been going through this problem. It all started one night when a friend made a comment about me being straight. Was that true, or was I really just a gay person? That started a cycle of doubt that I’ve never really broken. I wake up most mornings with extreme anxiety. I think that a straight person wouldn’t go through what I am going through. Every thought is that I am gay. The way I talk, the way I walk, the way that I act… I now see certain guys and find them attractive. I find myself looking at every couple and wondering whether I think the woman or man is more attractive. If I find the male to be more attractive, I often wonder why those two are together. I then wonder, “maybe he’s a gay man and he is with her to hide.” Growing up, I had what I thought were entirely heterosexual urges. I had dreams about girls, I wanted to date girls, etc. I didn’t have many girls I was interested in, though. I then think that, well, I was probably just not ready to admit to myself who I really was. That all of those instances where I found myself wanting to be like other boys were really me having early sexual feelings for them. I should preface all of this with the fact that I’m not homophobic. I have no problem with homosexuality or any religious hang ups about it. Why, then, do I struggle so badly with this? Sitting here I have a movie on the tv in the background. Just watching two men sit close together makes me uncomfortable. I find myself looking at their bodies and thinking about them under their clothes. Does that arouse me? Why am I even thinking this. The other thing that gets me is that I know being gay is not a choice. Gay people do not choose to be that way. You often also hear that most people who are gay went through a period where they wished on everything that they were straight. That’s just affirmation that that is what my experience is. 13 years now. I’m now 34, have lost so much of my adulthood to these thoughts, and it isn’t getting any better. I started on this app back in the summer, and I haven’t really gotten anywhere. I feel hopeless. I have a child that I feel like I’m neglecting because of all of this. It’s heartbreaking. The anxiety that I feel. I feel as if the only way I can be an effective father to him is if I admit this and move on. I’ve tried some ERP. Some I’ve been able to do. Others have caused me to break down and cry in front of my family. I just feel helpless. I feel alone. I miss the time where this wasn’t the thing that dominated my thought processes all the time. I miss being able to go to bed and wake up refreshed the next morning. I cannot remember the last time that happened. This is it. This is the moment I’m finally going to be able to admit to myself that I am a homosexual man. I just need to move on…
Happy New Year All! Trying to celebrate and keep positive about a couple weeks of staying strong and keeping the HOCD thoughts from causing chaos in my mind. However, recently read a show recap where a character suddenly identifies as queer after being married to a man for many years. As this is the type of thing that triggers my HOCD (I’m happily married and have two kids)—I’m finding the thoughts creeping in a bit more the past few days and seeing some rumination starting to take place. This community is so wonderful at being each other’s cheerleaders (YAY)—and I’m just looking for some encouragement and tips from those who are in the same boat (it’s hard when no one else understands your OCD—my husband tries, but his encouragement borders on reassurance and I don’t want that). I’m trying to remind myself to lean into the thoughts. The OCD wants to win, so just lean in (my new motto for 2022?). Sending love and encouragement to all in this community.
It feels like HOCD would make me happy!!! It’s keeps cropping up more things and making them deeper and deeper. Stuff that I can’t even put into words without sounding crazy. It’s like I just get no relief?! The only way out of this feels like just admitting defeat and just being my thoughts?!?
Hello! I’ve noticed since I tried to start reducing my meds (after a discussion w GP!) that I’ve become very obsessive about my emotions and feelings. I am absolutely focused on the fact that I feel that I must be happy all of the time (which I know is totally not sustainable at all, because hello, life). I find myself getting tearful and anxious and upset and then getting mad at myself because I’m not happy. I constantly check my emotions and if I’m feeling happy, it’s a good day. If I’m feeling sad/anxious/upset it’s a bad day and it’s ruined. I’ve been this way for a LONG long time and even used to keep diaries of my emotions so I could check back and see how often I was happy or sad. I know this is a compulsion and I know the mental checking is also a compulsion. I feel like when I am anxious or sad that there must be a reason for it and I get fixated on trying to figure out why I feel the way I do. I start thinking is it something in my life that is wrong, is it my job or my family or my relationship (which was probably how I ended up struggling with ROCD several years ago). I feel like I’m in this endless cycle of trying to correct things and figure out what is wrong in my life when I actually don’t think there is anything wrong! I have a wonderful supportive husband & family and a lovely home, and a good career (I’m a paramedic which has obviously been tough the last few years). I’m not sure what I was hoping to achieve with this post, but it’s nice to articulate what I’m feeling! Does anyone else struggle with emotion/feeling checking and how can I try and deal with this? Thanks :)
Christian Scrupulosity Peeps As you know, our OCD can tend to create a distorted view of who God actually is, who we are, and how we are supposed to live as Christians. It’s even more difficult when the one place we are supposed to go for peace seems to condemn. Yes, we must do ERP in order to fight back against the OCD demon. But we also need to take attention off of ourselves and turn it to who God actually is. We need to get a right view of who he says he is from the Bible. With that, I’m going to be starting a live stream either on Friday nights or Saturday nights that is geared for those of us in this boat. The focus would be encouragement to keep paddling, truth of who God is as he actually is, in general fellowship. I found for many those nights can be the most lonely times when evil thoughts start to churn up about not being worth it anymore. I know this because I’ve had those thoughts. I’m curious if people here would be interested in it. We happen to have quite a few scrupulous people in our church, and we have a good mental health support group so I’m doing this for them and any others that would benefit. Ultimately it’s for Gods glory not my own. I’m battling right along with you. Have been for four years now. Thanks
I really am thankful that I can mostly function throughout the day, I don’t take that lightly. But I also baffle myself: how can I be struggling so much in my mind and appear totally fine, even to my family and close friends? How can OCD be so painful and so salient to me and so invisible to others? It makes me feel like I’m making this all up and it’s so confusing and sometimes frustrating, though I wouldn’t rather have it be obvious to others
Do you ever wonder what “normal” people think?
There are some behaviors I do that I’m not sure if they are compulsions or not. So, I have HOCD (feels like an absolute lie to type that out). For example, I have amazing “gaydar” since developing this (I’m sorry if this is offensive) but I pretend like I have really bad gaydar to my friends. I go out of my way to make that seem like it’s the case. Or, I’ll go out of my way to act like I know nothing about sexuality (despite having done probably upwards of 1000+ hours of research on it) if it comes up in conversation. To me, these don’t seem like compulsions; they just seem like I’m in denial. I’d really appreciate if someone could respond.
Always find myself triggered on here:/ someone said something about gay people convincing themselves they’re straight before later coming out and it’s got me terrified. What if this is me 😫 I just want to be with my boyfriend and happy. I don’t want to be in denial
2022 is going to be amazing. We all will have a wonderful year bc we deserve it. In my eyes the only thing certain in this life is death, so if we aint dying than we can make it through anything that OCD throws our way. Every situation is temporary so lets live in the moment, enjoy the good, and not worry about the bad bc times change no matter what! We all survived 2021, now its time to LIVE in 2022!
how can one deal with being horny? I feeling very bad because of it and worried. I really dont want to feel this anymore, I dont want it.
not OCD but def mental health related: I'm going to be awake all day and thus forgetful. IF SOMEONE COULD PLEASE REMIND ME TO BUY AND USE AN EAR CLEANER, I'D APPRECIATE IT. my ears are hurting and I know something's up and it's making my brain hurt + giving me headaches. I compulsively check this site, so I'll remember if someone tells me.
Why am I always happy when something bad happens to other people?
I’m really struggling with letting go of past events - mistakes I’ve made, what I should’ve done. Something as small has getting rid of my childhood toys triggered this and it keeps ruminating in my mind, and i can’t stop thinking about it. It’s exhausting
Little vent: I hate when I try and explain my ocd and intrusive thoughts to people and then they say “it’s normal” it feels soooooo invalidating 💀
Any improvement stories out there? Not looking for reassurance for any subtype, just curious if anyone other than their promo stuff people can attest to getting better. Would love to hear your experience
Am I deluded if I think my attraction to women my whole life until hocd began was false and fake? How can I be deluded if I myself believe it was not real attraction? It feels like Im going against my true self (gay/trans) when i think that maybe it was real feelings for girls before ocd. I cant focus or understand my thoughts and it constantly gives me spikes of anxiety. Ive lived in my head and thought so deeply and in detail, ive forgotten completely how the real world works or how normal humans think, my whole perception that I had before ocd set in has been broken. Im planning on telling this to my therapist next week which seems so far away tbh but im going to write it all down. I feel badly confused and Im worried if Im not able to explain every tiny detail of my thoughts/feelings/proof to the therapist I will never solve this crisis but I also cant just ignore the questions in my head bc they need to countered or fixed and cant be left unanswered. What do I do? Also can I ask the therapist to see him more than once a week? Pls any advice?
The worst thing is when you spiral and start checking and compulsions and then you feel even worse later it’s always better not to give into compulsions and just let the thought pass on but it is so hard. Some days it’s no problem and other days it feels like going back to square one
[Free resources] Hi everyone! I want to share one of my favorite podcast for mindfulness with you all. I've been talking a lot about mindfulness here and I feel like a lot of you should definitely get into that. Apple: https://podcasts.apple.com/ca/podcast/mindfulness-for-beginners/id1493806566 Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/1ozwIEgzEtHQezPoi83nVV?si=up_55TnjQaiMNHJMy0veVQ If you go into older episodes there's a lot of things that can be applied to OCD. This podcast helped me open my eyes so much about self acceptance and I re-listen to my favorite episodes as reminders. The host has a lot of wisdom and says great things! If you want to go for even more mindfulness I suggest you guys read Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle. There's a free PDF of the entire book online and a complete audiobook on youtube. It's also very soothing and nice to listen. It is spiritual, but also very grounded. It's not associated with any religions, but can make sense for religious people as well. Audiobook: https://youtu.be/C_ebybgSM1c PDF: https://files.shroomery.org/cms/6584522-EckhartTolle-ThePowerOfNow.pdf If you guys have other resources please share them! We all need them.
Is there ever gonna be new stuff for ocd? I feel like it’s so unrecognized & ssris and therapy are it for us
Why does it keep feeling better/right for me to leave my wonderful relationship? It feels more wrong and it hurts more at the thought of staying. I keep hearing in my brain I’m just with him bc I don’t want to be alone, but these thoughts and feelings are driving me crazy. I want to cocoon and be alone but of course I want to stay in this relationship. It’s like my brain doesn’t want to be convinced that I love him or want to stay with him. It’s like it only wants us to be alone so we’re no longer stressed about this stuff. I hate that’s how exhausted I am with all this shit😞any tips/help?
My POCD doesn't necessarily center around the fear of harming a child, just more the fear that I have an attraction to children. I'm terrified to masturbate because thats when the intrusive thoughts come the hardest, and it's like I don't trust myself to masturbate. Like my mind is telling me "you're going to get really horny and masturbate to a child"/"youre going to get really horny and seek out child porn". My sex drive has been completely shut off, and it's like I've lost all romantic attraction as well. I've had this pretty intense crush on one of my friends for a while and when I look at her/fantasize about her I can't feel anything :(
now that i have ocd it’s made everything so damn complicated and difficult, kids walked passed me and i looked and thought nothing of it then there goes my thoughts “look again do it” like i was doing good i was okay for once. this shit really does bully you.
I an so anxious I've been peeing myself and not noticing? My pants feel damp but it could be sweat? I spoke to someone who has ocd and they said I have to sit with the anxiety it could be pee. I've smelled if before and I can't figure it out. I don't know what it is. I'm anxois ignoring it is making me super gross but the amount of underwear and trousers I change into because of it is getting out of hand . Is sitting with anxity the right thing? I'm currently on my bed with the pants that feel damp and I'm trying to ignore the fact I could be being very gross...
It is funny: ocd only tells you "you should" or " you shouldnt" but it does not allow you just to be and relax.
The #1 issue that many posters have is believing you can get rid of your OCD and intrusive thoughts/images/feelings. You can’t; OCD cannot be cured. Yours thoughts don’t matter. Your actions matter. Fighting, giving in, and ruminating over your intrusive thoughts and feelings is causing you intense distress, not your OCD. You can have OCD and function very well in society. The common theme for those that have recovered from OCD is ERP therapy, learning needed coping mechanisms, not taking your mind so seriously, and not taking your OCD so seriously. I know it’s hard but that’s the key to success. Let your thoughts float by like a cloud does in the sky. They do not matter to you and shouldn’t interrupt your daily routine.
THINGS TO NEVER FORGET ABOUT OCD: (This will not cause distress but may or may not offer relief depending on the person, so read at your own risk) •No matter how small the matter may logically appear, if it causes doubt followed by intense distress, it's ocd. No matter what it is. It could be "why the cheese has three holes and not four?", as long as this causes you distress, it's something you value and therebefore prey for the 'ocd monster'. •The emotional distress followed by the possibility of this thought being real is what makes you believe it actually is. You should let it and once you manage to control this intense distress by constant exposure, you'll be able to think clearly again and recognize yourself as you know deep down that you are, not as the extremely convincing and awful way the ocd presents you. By accepting these thoughts as possible you WON'T become what you fear, you will just grow as a person, you will become STRONGER. •Ocd will do ANYTHING to stop you from accepting these thoughts and try to manipulate you into trying to logically attack it via physical or not ways that will only reinforce it instead. It will use you like a puppet by giving you, a much needed for the vulnerable you, false sense of security. This false sense of security will make you used to a calm, fragile state which will make you easier to break once it decides to also use its "special" moves for a final attack. And then this futile circle will keep on repeating and repeating and repeating until it sucks the life out of you. •You ARE capable of beating this, even if you don't see it now because it's hidden. Hidden doesn't mean it doesn't exist. You are the only one that can fight your own self and win.You will feel futile, you will want to give up, you will lose but you will get up again and that is a NATURAL normal process. Don't EVER let it stop you. Remember, you may NOT be in control of your thoughts but you ARE in control of your actions. Not your ocd, not your insecuties and certainly not your fears. Only you.
I think I’m having a relapse. I’ve been through therapy for the past 6 months. And haven’t been on this app once since this summer. But the doubt has crept back in like no tomorrow. And I can feel the OCD is trying to convince me. I’m trying to bring in uncertainty, but having a difficult time as the instructive thoughts are so convincing at times. Anyways, just going to keep leaning into the uncertainty and riding this wave of anxiety ✌🏽I know I can handle this spike in OCD. This is not going to ruin my time at my very small NYE get together. I can feel the fear I have because being around other people will for sure trigger the OCD and I know it will be there every step of the way. But I will have a good time regardless of the OCD. I got this. 💪🏻 I’m committed to having fun. I’m committed to my moments of joy. Also this get together is just another opportunity for ERP. Here we go!!!
Does anyone else get this? I have intrusive thoughts/dreams/even feelings and have no anxiety. Then realise that and feel like "ok I don't have ocd, I was in denial and have now accepted I'm gay" (I am straight btw). Then the anxiety starts. After suffering for almost 2 years, you get used to it and stop getting anxiety in to thoughts/dreams/feelings, so it's almost like ocd won't stop until I feel anxious so it does it through my worst fear coming true through feelings.
I am so scared rn that I have purposely thought a thought.
I’m crying rn, I’m soo exhausted. My brain JUST won’t STOPP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Found this post on IG, which said that anxiety is a form of control. I do not fully get it. Do you guys understand that?
Does POCD come with a loss of attraction to those the same age/older as well? From what I've read, that seems to only affect the people dealing with ROCD/SO-OCD. I feel like I've lost all attraction to older women and girls in my school when I used to feel it so intensely.
I’ve lost all excitement towards the opposite sex, and it feels like I find literally every member of the same sex attractive, literally every single one they could be 14 or 85… just as soon as I see a man it feels like I’m attracted. There’s little anxiety there now too. When I see an attractive women by brain just shuts off. I feel anxious about them. When I talk to me gf I feel calm but that just makes it all seem like it’s real because it feels like I’m calm about it?!? My head keeps rolling back through my past and convincing me of all the guys I was attracted to without realising and telling me I’ve never once found a women attractive. But I knew that in the moment I did. Maybe I’m bi? But then surely noticing that wouldn’t mean I lose my attraction to women? Can anyone help?!?
I was actually able to make love to my partner last night. But before that I took a shower I was having anxiety hearing you don’t love him or you won’t enjoy it… When I came back up before we started I was freaking out mentally hearing let’s get this over with… I felt this uncomfortable feeling.. 😞 when I was in the shower I was crying randomly… scared… But afterwards I was able to enjoy it but after awhile I began to obsess about it I enjoyed it enough or questioned my love for him…. Right now I really don’t feel love or care at all…. But I have anxiety scaring me without the crying… I just feel completely off….
in your opinion, if you died and became a ghost, do you think ghost-you would still have OCD? because if so, eff that
Anyone else also have pre menstural dysphoria? My OCD gets SO much worse the 8 days before my period, I feel like I have to take time off of work and I can hardly get out of bed. Not only does my OCD worsen but I have classic PMDD symptoms too.
Hey everyone. I'm someone who suffers with ocd and generalized anxiety disorder. These last months I suffered due to a relapse. I had thoughts of harming myself and others. I also had thoughts of children and other intrusive thoughts. My GAD made it much worse. But after pushing through I'm 80% recovered. The thoughts are there but I'm better than I was before. For those of you who are in a dark place, please bare with me. It will get better. I know I dont know what you may be going through but things always turn out good. Keep fighting my fellow warriors. I love you all! Things that helped me - Trey Jones (YouTuber of anxiety) - The Anxiety Guy (youtuber) - Dare app for anxiety - OCD and Anxiety Nathan peterson (youtuber) - Douglas Bloc (anxiety/ depression) youtuber Activites - walks or jogs at park (not gyms/explore mother nature) - affirmations - yoga - Healthy eating - hang out with friends or family Others - therapy - medication
SOS WHO DO I REACH OUT TO FOR A THERAPY SESSION MINE HASNT RESPONDED IN TWO WEEKS AND I NEED A SESSION.
“I go before you always” -God ✝️
Im shaking right now. This is a really strange thing and my POCD has me terrified. I was exploring hentai over quarantine. I think i ran into loli(underaged drawings) on reddit in the process and was incredibly uncomfortable. Whenever i saw something like that i scrolled passed it and moved on. But recently it hit me. The idea of it makes me so disgusted right now. I didnt think much of this situation when it happened, but now i have this overwhelming feeling of guilt and fear. My false memory is going insane and i feel like i committed a crime and im going to jail. I am traumatized from ever even stumbling across it and im terrifird the fbi is going to show up to my house when it was an accident. Im not attracted to kids but i just feel like a monster. Can somebody please talk to me?
My bf is avoidant, and he is scared to meet my friends even I he will never admit. I know this isn't properly rocd. But I need an advice from someone with rocd mentality anyway! In a year of us, he never meet them! At first because of quarantine, after that because I took distances from that group because my ex was there too, after that because... I don't know! Probabilmente because he is embarassed! (I shared after of rocd doubts with my bsf! So he think he has a bad reputation for my friends, I tried to change is mind, but nothing!!) I'm trying so hard to not creating doubts on this too. He always has been one that has no problem with new experience, but he doesn't want to meet my friends. I invited him tons of times, even for the new year! (His friends has covid, so he would be alone) and he prefer to stay alone than coming with me at my friends house (while he invited and I did 2 weeks holidays with his friends, that I never met before). He is not shy, and this is making me crazy. It is impossible to communicate with him, because every thing I said he take it as a fight. "This thing make me feel bad" Fight. "I would love if you meet my friends, they mean a lot to me, can you? = fighting" What can I do to make him at least tolerating the idea of meeting them? And most important to not take it personal? My ocd is starting to flaring up!
I feel like I’m going crazy. Yesterday I knew I wanted my bf. Today I feel different . I don’t even know what I want anymore I feel like I can’t trust myself. I’m so disconnected. I’m so scared. I feel every emotion but I can’t cry. I’m so on edge. One minute I feel like our relationship is worth it next I feel like we are doomed and there’s no going back. I don’t even know what emotion I’m feeling. I feel crazy. Someone help. Is this even rocd. Or do I actually feel this way about him shi I’m scared to let go. I wanna disappear.
Hope for all of us I want to share something that has been helpful for me and I believe it can be helpful for others. We are not OCD. We are not anxiety. We are not fear. We could be struggling and battling with all of that but we aren't any of that. It's not our identity. It's not who we are. Fear deceive us into thinking that it emanated from us. From our own identity and mind but that's just a lie. The problem is we assume it's us and we've been conditioned in fear and anxiety that we think is us and that there's something wrong with us that if we could only fix or get rid of we could be good and normal. What a load of crap. We aren't bad or need any fixing. We just need unconditional Love. We need to love ourselves compassionately and accept ourselves. Easier said than done right? You see, we think that if we accept ourselves we are accepting the intrusive thoughts and what they say and we start to panic thinking that maybe we are what the thoughts are suggesting which in turn makes us obsesses and in desperation we try to solve or fix that which is not the problem in reality, the thoughts by doing a compulsion. But again, it's all a lie. Accepting ourselves doesn't mean we don't see and recognize our struggles and weaknesses. It means that even though we see all of that in us we choose not to judge and condemn ourselves and instead we treat ourselves with the Love, kindness and compassion, which is actually what we need. See? Our problem is not a broken brain or broken thinking. Our problem is a Love problem. We just need to learn, with patience and practice, to love ourselves and see ourselves separate from any thought that comes to our minds. This is my conclusion: "I'm not the thoughts that enter into my mind. Nor I am fear and anxiety or even OCD. I am just me and that's more than ok". Does that mean I have it all figured it out and I don't struggle like you? No! I still struggle. But I'm beginning to understand who I really am and I have decided to love myself even when it's hard and in the midst of my struggle. And guess what? You can do it too. It's not about feeling like it or waiting for the perfect moment when we are better. Tell me, when will that be? It's today that you and I need compassionte Love. So why not start giving it to ourselves today even if we don't even know fully how? To all of you I say: "God bless you my OCD brothers and sisters. To me you are awesome". Virtual hug 🫂
In September this year I had to sit alone in my room for 2 weeks since I had covid. I’ve never been alone for that long before so it wasn’t very pleasant. I had a lot of time with myself and my thoughts and i was ultimately calm and just missing my taste and family😅but then I got some sort of memory or imagine of my mol** ting my sister when she was a baby and I was around 7/8(in the memory). I had never thought of this in my life but instantly I jumped to the conclusion it was a real memory and I was a perv/ra*ist.I straight away had a panic attack was sick to my stomach and couldn’t sleep. I just wanted to die because I felt I didn’t deserve life.I struggled for weeks trying to figure out this memory and why I’d ever do that when I was a child myself. And the worse part is after I got out of isolation I had to go back to sharing a room with my sister which is how my pocd/intrusive thoughts started. Every time I walked past her to get into bed I had thoughts going “what if you recreate that image” and terrible images just poping up. I just cried myself to sleep endlessly wishing I was dead. I decided to search up why I was getting crazy thoughts as a compulsion for reassurance. Then I found out it was ocd and ever since things have gotten better. I have learned to live with myself and that it wasn’t a real memory even tho sometimes I feel like it was and I have gotten better at ignoring my intrusive thoughts.Some days are bad some days are better but ultimately it’s made me a better person. I feel like now I should always try my best to help others and be the best I can be. To anyone who made it this far just know that you will make it through it. You will have hard days but you are not your thoughts and ocd doesn’t have to ruin your life.It might always be with you but you can over come it and be your best self💖happy Wednesday💖
Could ocd convince you to the point where you actually start believing it is infact real and everything in your head is true? Who am I kidding now, I know my thoughts/feelings are true, I just wish I wasnt al*ve to see it it happen, I was afraid it would when it started and it has.
My attraction to women doesn’t feel the same anymore? It feels like forced or just completely sexual? And now I’m worrying that I just conditioned myself without realising to find women attractive. (That thought literally just popped into my head and now it seems true)
Just a reminder (not reassurance): you are NOT your OCD :)
i have never had a real relationship, but it’s because of me. i will be interested in someone, and then the moment they show interest in me im over them, like they have too low of standards. i obsess over it too, like they’re settling. i fear i am incapable of loving someone else and that fear inhibits my ability to be involved with someone. i also have intrusive thoughts that im settling because i won’t find someone who will put up with my problems.
Does anybody obsess over the fact that they’re not smart enough or that they’re not an “intellectual”?
Is confessing a compulsion? Like if I feel super bad anxiety or even just anxiety at all and want to confess something to someone even tho I realistically don’t need to, is that a compulsion?
I’m scared I said but I don’t like the beauty I don’t wanna acknowledge or see women like that I’m scared I’m increasingly but I’m still I don’t want to be. I’m scared I felt I don’t wanna feel anything down there or acknowledged the beauty of there is no beauty women are not beautiful in neck capacity I’m scared out I don’t wanna notice it I’m scared there they’re not more beautiful or sexy than men and I’m scared of acting like dick is when it’s not nasty I’d rather have that than what it goes into women are not beautiful in that kind of way I don’t want to notice the beauty of them I don’t want I’m freight and I do I don’t want to notice their beauty I don’t want women that way
I feel like im just leading him on :( I just feel numb and weirdly disconnected. Its all I think about all day and I keep getting thoughts that I dont really love him and that I need to break up and that there's not enough chemistry. He definitely makes me feel happy. Everytime I see him though my ROCD flares up big time like yesterday we were kissing and near the end I didn't really want to kiss anymore I guess maybe since I felt a bit dehydrated but then I noticed I feel sick. I just feel so upset over everything. I want to love him :( I keep comparing him to my ex as well like oh do I feel the same way would I go back to my ex rn. Am I attracted to him enough. I keep thinking that he deserves better than me. Someone who actually loves him.. I really dont want to break up but it's like my head won't shut up and it's so difficult. I mean what if I dont really love him and I'm pretending I do? What if I dont really have rocd and it's just a gut feeling? Why didn't I feel more when we kissed? Shouldn't I feel more? What if I only like him as a friend :(
having thoughts about a baby thigh that i saw on a billboard and i looked at it and i made myself look at it again and it tired to make me feel sexually attracted to the baby thigh even though i’m not it’s just a baby thigh and my ocd made me look at it multi times to tell myself dont feel attracted to it and to stop looking at it earlier i had a mini panic attack and it got me shaking and feeling really bad, and i had the frontal thing and i feel really bad and really sad and gross it makes me feel like i’m really attracted to it even though i am not and if i say i am it lets me relax but i know that’s not true and it sucks so much i hate ocd
I feel so sick, constantly feel like Im trans in closet. I literally dont even know what being a man or straight feels like anymore its just all gone. My core fear with being trans is not that Im losing myself bc I think ive already lost my identity a while ago, my core fear is it actually coming true and me having to go through transition, is that a normal ocd core fear? Im so confused bc i dont wish to have those things back( feelings of a straight man) or go back to being who I was then why i am so scared and feel awful all the time? ughhh
I’ve been really struggling with my SOOCD this week. Just finished listening to an episode of the Awaken Into Love podcast about SOOCD called Leaning Into the Grey of Sexuality. It was tough at first (it’s a bit of an exposure exercise), but as I made my way through it I found myself relaxing and able to exhale. Here’s the link - https://open.spotify.com/episode/51LPSvepE15kUnVVQ3N9S5?si=7QruYM89S1uRv6oW0TK53A
What has people's experiences with ashwagandha been? I've been using it for my anxiety, and I'm seeing a huge difference.
With ROCD is it possible to just have a name of someone come into your head over and over - no what ifs or thoughts like that. No anxiety, no compulsions. Just a name you can't stop thinking. Then is is possible that when you relax after not having it in your head for a while, you then keep remembering how you thought that name? Then the guilt appears and the ocd then feels "satisfied".
I have been back at home for Christmas and I thought being home for a week would be a good thing but I feel like the change in my surroundings has made me feel uneasy. I feel irritated and very out of it. Dissociation can feel so exhausting and scary. I wish I could just enjoy my time with family without being worried something will happen when I lose myself.
Hello all! I thought I would share some thing that has really been helping me with guilt or real event OCD. There are a million examples but I will just give you one, my dog has heart worms and I just know that it really is my fault. I could sink into the ground and be swallowed up by this guilt right now I really could, if this is how you feel do this exercise with me now, take a deep breath and say “This is extremely difficult for me, I am really struggling to meet my own expectations right now. It is extremely difficult to resist doing a compulsion right now but I know that I am a good person with good intentions in my heart. I am allowed to make mistakes.” It does not fix the situation, but it at least genuinely alleviates the grip on my chest when I start feeling that guilt. Please let me know if it helps any of you :)
I hate how Rocd makes me not wanting to do anything...I just wake up and want to do things that require no thinking, just relaxing and do anything that will take me away from reality and literally forget myself. It's an like I live in a distance from reality and when it comes to tasks that take action and being jn the moment i get really anxious and I want to stop and go back to doing nothing. This thing kills me as I feel worthless, lazy and so guilty that I don't function like every other people. I don't want to live like that in a constant defence mode, away from reality and locked in my compulsions and extreme anxiety....I am fed up with it...
It’s real I can feel it. It feels like the reason I’m depressed is because I’m in the closet not because of what it used to be anymore. I must’ve been in denial this whole time. I wish I was straight but how can I be when it feels so much like realisation. I’m going to have to leave my partner now and be with a man because that’s what it feels like I want to do?
I was so happy being a new father. OCD has taken all of that away from me. I loved taking care of my son and laughing and playing with him. Then 6 months in, OCD got ahold of me, and now I can’t even enjoy my time. It has caused me to be so depressed. When I look at him I can’t smile. I just want this to go away. He’s only a year old and I wonder how long this will last. My wife wants to have more children, and I did too, but now I can’t...I just couldn’t handle it. 😭😭
Anyone know if a good ocd podcast ?
God bless you friends Merry Christmas, let the Light of the world, God be born in your heart and in your mind, and although our minds aren't the fanciest place just as the manger wasn't 2000 years ago, God still wants to be welcomed into our struggles. Let God be God and let Him take care of everything. God bless
Why do intrusive thoughts have to pop up at the absolute worst times? I’m just trying to enjoy some quality time with people I care about, and all of a sudden *poof* terrifying intrusive thought. Instant anxiety and sad, sinking feelings. I know I have to just sit with the anxiety, but I wish so much I didn’t have to deal with this every day. I miss my somewhat healthy brain function. Does anyone else mourn for the time and experiences that OCD has robbed from them?
Some of the best ocd advice I’ve heard: you cant think your way out of ocd
I feel completely and utterly convinced now! I hate it but how can I keep denying it? Maybe this is just a new me trying to get out because it feels like it would be the easier option. Each day it gets harder to hold onto what I thought was the truth. It’s ripped me apart and put me back together again in this new pattern. The excitement and joy I used to feel about spending the rest of my life with my partner has been torn away and swapped for this anxiousness. Like I do want to stay with her but then something is shouting at me saying “but you’ll be living a lie, you’ll be suppressing yourself, it’s not fair on her, you’ll be happier if you just embrace that you must gay.” It feels like the easy way out is to admit defeat and be gay. I know I find women attractive and I think a lot more than men. But idk I feel like I’m just telling myself that To make myself feel better. I see an attractive women and feel attracted to them and then I just can’t see myself with them in a non friendship sense. Which is how I used to feel about men. I would fantasise about being best friends with a man that I was friends with. Like I’d joke about them being my best man or something. But then I would always be happy dreaming about a girl to spend the rest of my life with and have children with etc… I used to love talking about that with my partner. I really did. And then ROCD hit and then a few weeks in HOCD hit like a brick. And it hasn’t gone for months and basically hasn’t got any better. And I’ve ruminated and dug so deep that I’ve found all the evidence my ocd needed to make it’s point. Thanks a lot… for ruining everything and worst of all making me believe you. You always knew I was scared and now you’ve come back to get me.