Welcome to
the NOCD Community

My therapist has rightly nailed the deeper issue I'm having. My OCD centers around feeling like I'm being rejected by God. I feel like maybe God told me to marry someone else and I didn't listen in marrying my husband (who is supportive and kind). And since I didn't listen, I'm no longer accepted by God. It's when I get to this deeper issue that I am stuck in my OCD. My therapist said I might want to be okay with being uncertain about my beliefs. It's do hard to get to this issue. I know my ROCD with my husband might resolve if I can be okay with my ROCD a with God, but I feel so condemned that I avoid looking at that aspect at all cost. It's too much for me. I don't know if any of you have felt this and how you were able to lean into the uncertainty that you might not be able to live with God or your family for eternity.

What if you did something so extremely disgusting, awful and horrible as a child but you didn’t know how horrible the events were that your POCD and real events OCD targets? Does it make the intrusive thoughts true? The POCD real events were genuinely extremely awful and horrible... no way around... it genuinely was extremely awful and horrible... I gag and vomit even thinking about it... its that horrible... I'm getting anxious from my POCD and real event OCD based on real events (happened 3 times) from when I was 13 or 14... I cant remember... I had a surface level idea of what these real events were when I was 13 or 14... but I didnt understand nor truly know the depth and consequences or how horrible these real events were... I don't ever want to ever be a P at all… I don't ever want to ever be a Chomo at all... i don’t ever want to ever be a rpist at all… I was either 13 or 14 when these real events happened and now I'm 24... I've asked my mom about this so many times and every time she tells me that it's not serious anymore, that the person is okay and doesnt remember, and that I'm not a rapist or a P or a chomo...  I didn’t realize how horrible the real events actually were… I was either 13 or 14 at the time… now I’m 24… my POCD and real event OCD call me a P or a chomo because of the real events… while my mom reassures me all the time that it’s all over, that it’s not serious anymore, that the person is okay, and that I’m not a P or a rapist or a chomo, but when I was doing compulsive research, I remember when I saw a post on a non OCD forum about someone’s similar situation to mine and two people said to the person that they mlested and that they needed  to turn themselves in… I don’t ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way shape or form… i didn’t know how horrible the real events were when I was either 13 or 14… I really didn’t… and after the real events I never did anything like that ever again, and I never once ever thought (before, and after) about doing stuff with kids in any way shape or form... I never once fantasized about kids or wanted to do anything with kids… I was either 13 or 14 and didn’t realize how horrible the actions were at the time and I never did it ever again… I never once fantasized about kids before or after the real event… I don't ever want to ever harm a child in any way shape or form... I seriously don't ever want to do that to any child in any way shape or form and I seriously don't ever want to do anything like that to any kid now or in the future… I never have had any fantasies about kids and I don't ever want to... I don't ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way shape or form... I cant remember if i was 13 or 14….. and after the real events I never did anything like that ever again, and I never once ever thought (before, and after) about doing stuff with kids in any way shape or form... I never once fantasized about kids or wanted to do anything with kids…  I was 13-14 and didn’t realize how horrible the actions were at the time and I never did it ever again… I never once fantasized about kids before or after the real event… And it’s comparing me to actual P’s and chomo’s who did stuff from 12-15 and then did stuff as adults, and making me think I’m a P and a Chomo because of it… I don’t ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way… 😭😭😭 I had a surface level idea of what these real events were when I was 13 or 14 because someone told me what these real events were before on the same day it happened for the 1st time... (it happened 3 times) but I didnt understand nor truly know the depth and consequences or how horrible these real events were... i truly didnt... I dont ever want to ever be what my pocd and real events ocd say I am... I dont ever want to be a P or a Chomo in any way... im so so scared... These real events were so extremely horrible and awful and worse than people realize... i g4g and vOmit and lie awake at night even thinking about them... thats how horrible and awful these mistakes were... I dont ever want to ever be a P or a MAP or a Chomo or a r4pist or anything like that... im so so so so so so so so so so triggered and scared and anxious... I also did something at the age of 13 that was also extremely horrible... they asked me if i did it or not, but me being 13 and not knowing what i did was wrong and horrible, i denied it because i was scared... ive lived in guilt for so long... i dont love myself... and I genuinely cant stomach the idea that im still here... I feel so guilty and horrible... (edited)

long story short my mom yelled at me today because my grandma allowed me to pay anything I needed on her card. I had a medical debt of 272 dollars that I payed with her card. She went to the bank and wasn’t sure the cost and she called me asking was it a charge i made. I explained that it was an accident charge and they will pay her back. I said this instead to cover the fact that I did use her card I was afraid to tell her. I know what I did was wrong even if she offered me her card. My mom yelled at me saying how can I do that and I shouldn’t ask her for money anymore. I even offered to take out my emergency savings to pay her back and my mom refused saying the damage I did was done that my grandmas account was overdrawn. I never ask for money unless I need to from my family because they complain. I am a college student out of state and I am almost done finishing school but I feel alone sometimes because I just wish I had a family that cares about me. That would at least send me 20 dollars for gas weekly. Growing up I always was alone and had the responsibility of taking care of everyone in my family and I did it from my heart even though I knew they were using me. I would overwork myself just because I wanted to be loved. I guess what I’m trying to say is now since all this happened. What will I do? I am a full time college student and I have to pay for gas and food. Also I have weekly medication because I am hypoglycemic. My heart aches because I just want to be loved by a parent that cares about their child. My family has never loved me they just use me and it hurts. I feel like the pain in my heart over the years of family trauma just grows and grows. All I want is to be loved by a family and I never experienced that being the oldest daughter who lost their childhood being a parent at a young age. I want a hug from a loving parent a “you are doing great”. Just parents that don’t complain about helping their daughter. Now I’m just laying in bed trying to be nice to myself because I made a mistake. I blame myself for trusting them because I know how my family is. After my mom yelled at me she asked me if I need money and I said no. If worst comes to worst I will try to work again it’s just about finding time.

I’ve been diagnosed with OCD for like 10 years now and it was always pretty minor compulsions and thoughts. Around a year ago I had my first panic attack stemming from my left arm hurting and then thinking I would have a heart attack. Ever since that night I’ve had extreme ocd about symptoms and health issues. It feels like an endless cycle with my anxiety causing physical symptoms and then me obsessing over them. I can’t even get a headache anymore without thinking I’m gonna have an aneurism or something. I just want to re-gain control bc this is taking over my life and I remember what my life was like before this and miss it

Hi everyone I wanted to know if it legal for someone for prohibiting me from joining activities due to my mental disability which is “ADHD”. This is what was said to me in an email. i have adhd and my pastor said these 3 problems are an issue in the church. (Your situation limits your ability to control behavior. Your response to external assistance or limits is consistently to reject or work around them. Your perspective is confined to your own experience of a situation.)

I have scrupulosity and it’s impacting my Christian faith. I do study the Bible but I am taking a break so as not to trigger it too much, but my Christianity is important and I want to study it and how do I do so without triggering that? My trigger is mainly on heaven & hell, so my plan was to study something else other than that.

My psychiatrist is tired of my reassurance seeking too but I feel like a wanted criminal either I did something in my sleep or he did and I’m scared because what happened was I asleep???? I can’t live with the uncertainty because I may be a R Sometimes I feel like a p with Pocd I ask him and he says I never did anything but what if he’s lying because sometimes I’m suspicious of him

She has seen so many doctoes, ocd specialist psychologists and psychiatrists, been in a mental health facility, been to hospital and no one has been able to help. Tried lots of different meds but none are helping. It's ruining her life. I dont know what to do. We've tried everything but she is getting worse. Any ideas?

Hello everyone! I am new to this platform and hoping to engage with some people who have maybe conquered this subtype or are currently battling with this. Before I start, I just want to say that I am a firm believer that there is so much hope with this illness and I do believe that OCD can be cured or at least very well managed. I am actively struggling with OCD and compulsions everyday, but through the healing power of Jesus and ERP I am certain that better days are ahead. I was diagnosed with OCD when I was 11 years old, heavily dealing with contamination OCD that was rooted in deep shame. Breaks my heart that as an 11 year old I felt these things about myself. Through the help of my CBT therapy and Fluoxetine, my OCD was extremely well managed. Of course, some thoughts would occasionally emerge, but they never became all-consuming and I was pretty much always able to shrug them off. When I went to college, OCD began to become more prominent in my life, still rooted in shame, but manifested in pure-O OCD. I was able to find a therapist who helped me, and again the OCD became less prominent. I’d occasionally have episodes that would last a week, but I was always able to resume normal life. It’s also so important that I mention that at this time in my life, I was increasingly growing in my Christian faith. Christ delivered me from so many panic attacks, shameful thinking, and extreme anxiety. It was through Him I found my strength to fight against the heavy burden of OCD and reclaim my life. For two years after college, I worked as a nurse in the hospital. Constantly exposed to the things that used to make me so afraid and not even batting an eye. Of course, there were some times the intrusive thoughts came, and even times when I gave in to compulsions, but again, OCD was not ruling my life or affecting me in any major way. Life was good. About 3 months ago, my husband and I made a major move to Europe for him to pursue his career. At this time, I was also completely weaned off my medication which I did with my PCP over the course of 9 months (ALWAYS wean with the help of a doctor!!). Unfortunately, my OCD has been rampant for the last month. Struggling with fears surrounding fecal matter and defecating. All things that I was constantly exposed to in the hospital, and now that I am not working, grip me with so much fear and panic over things spreading. Being a nurse, my anxiety is not rooted in the fear of spreading germs or getting my husband or myself sick as I know microscopic levels of poop don’t get people sick in any meaningful way. The anxiety is mostly rooted in deep disgust and deep fear of that disgust spreading. I started ERP therapy again and my medication has been reordered. Things have been getting better, but some days have been really really hard. I’m trusting that God is using this time to refine and redefine my heart and instill dependence on Him to keep me safe. I wanted to offer some encouragement for anyone struggling with this. You’re not alone, this doesn’t make you “weird”, this is a illness meant to steal joy and peace and we simply must declare that OCD will not have this power over us. Would love to hear of anyone’s struggles with this. Better days are ahead 🩵

I feel like SO OCD has given me a constant feeling of dread and anxiety. Like I’m just chilling, or having a good time and then brain pops in a thought like “what if you’re gay” and my smile, heart and stomach drops. Does anyone else feel this way?

I’m scared, I have mild rectal bleeding, less than a drop of blood per week, dr said its internal hemorrhoids since I have no other symptoms, but suggested a colonoscopy just in case I am terrified, I need to know that I’m safe and healthy, but I’m too scared of having a colonoscopy, I don’t want to be put to sleep by a man, performed on in a room with a man (I can’t get all female employees they won’t change the schedule) I’m terrified of being unconscious without my mom to watch me, they won’t allow it to be recorded so that I can make sure I’m safe after the fact? How the fuck am I supposed to feel safe if I’m unconscious for hours without my mom or a video camera so I know what happens to me? What if something bad happens to me when I’m asleep,,, what if they don’t do the anesthesia right and I wake up but can’t move, what if the anesthesia permanently alters me? I’m too scared I’m too scared

I'm 32. I separated with the second person I've dated this past May. I've been feeling like I don't want another relationship. I just watched an Anthony Fantano video about Playboi Carti. He was very abusive to both his ex and his current girlfriend. I couldn't believe how normal a person his ex girlfriend seemed like in the interviews Anthony showed in his video. I was just surprised that she was someone who would date a rapper. I also heard the things she was saying, and I don't think it was what she said but how she said it, I felt like her position in the relationship is all I've ever known. I've only ever been with people who want an accessory for their life. No one's ever really been a best friend or a partner. They try to drive a wedge between me and my interests, and turn me into something that just tags along for all of theirs. And use me like another piece of jewelry at social things. That has to be largely my fault too. it's a choice to just capitulate to everything and let someone steamroll your personality, hobbies, and passions. Convince you that the things you've liked for your entire life are dumb and boring. I don't know what made my mind go here, but I imagined someone walking into the basement while I was working on something and offer to help instead of complaining about how much time it was taking. I just plugged a bunch of holes that smokey smells from the neighbors apartment were coming in through. My next task is to build shelves so the space is more open and stuff that's been piled up is more accessible. Shelves would be so easy for anyone to help with. At that thought of a partner offering a hand, I just started crying.

Im struggling today with the thought I am unloveable and that I’m to much and that everyone around me is mad at me.

I just need some support. That’s it. Someone with POCD. Or understands it! Thanks.

Does anyone else struggle with groinal response with POCD?? Mine relapsed after having a baby and it came back but with groinals this time and it’s making me want to scream😭I fucking hate myself I feel like a piece of shit n feel like I don’t deserve to be a parent

Somedays, the compulsions are quite exhausting. It drains you to the point that you just want to sleep, just so that you don't engage in any routine. How do you deal or manage contamination ocd, if anyone of you have been dealing with it? For me, it just came out all of a sudden since a year and a half, and it's stayed since then... may also be due to the role of neuroplasticity

I keep trying to repost them I just need help:(

And if you don’t believe in medicine, don’t comment because I’ve literally tried everything else. My life is unlivable at this point and I have to do what’s best for me and my daughter because I don’t want my daughter learning my behaviors, but is there anybody on here that is on medicine for their OCD and if so, has it gotten any better? And did you have any bad side effects? I used to be on medicine a long time ago, but it didn’t really work for me, but I only tried one kind and a very low dosage, but It made me gain like a lot of weight

Ik the answer is probably “you can’t” but I wanna ask: how do I tell the difference between real attraction vs false attraction I was running a meeting with a colleague/friend. I was telling her about my new jeans that I got for free (cuz they’re sick as hell, they’re denim cargos) and that’s when I got the groinal response. I did also do some public speaking stuff (regarding Palestine and some upcoming protests the students are doing and we are going to be part of as a club as we are signatories, and I didn’t know if anyone was against Palestine in the room) and had convos with other people about school and MCAT prep (most of our club members are premed/comp sci students lol. We’re nerds). I also did tell said colleague about a weird convo I had with a man while I was getting my coffee (also regarding Palestine, I was wearing my keffiyeh. It was weird. I told her about the racial profiling the same guy (possibly?) was going to hijabi girls and it freaked us both out.) and then the groinal response stayed till we left the meeting/building together. And I’m slightly worried I like her. But I don’t. I know what crushes feel like for me. This was not that. I usually get butterflies very quickly when I have a crush. That’s what happened with my current bf whom I love dearly. And when it comes to arousal I feel it very intensely in my groin/stomach. This was not that. It was a tingle and I did feel some discharge. Idk it freaked me the hell out and I’m nervous I’m gonna start developing feelings. How would I know if I am and how do I know if this was false attraction? It definitely bothered me, I didn’t want the thoughts my brain threw at me and I didn’t wanna feel aroused in any way by this friend. She’s a good friend and a good colleague. And we’re both dating people. Regardless. If we weren’t I wouldn’t wanna date her either. But my brain keeps yelling at me yes yes yes you do. I’m just constantly worried now that I’m attracted to her lately. It’s been jumping from friend to friend. Friends in my dorm hall, a random male candidate I interviewed (who happens to be friends with said colleague) and now this colleague. I don’t like this feeling. I was also fighting the urge to tell people the whole love story between me and my bf cuz LOL I love telling it. So clearly I do love him, but now I’m worried that urge was there to suppress smtjn but it was just there cuz a lot of things we did reminded me of him and I wanted to tell people who didn’t know or weren’t familiar with my bf and I our story (cuz it sounds like a damn romcom. We met at an origami meeting where we made elephants (which I still have), I fell first, I found out he was Muslim, I’m catholic, star crossed lovers lol, I confessed, we cried, we started dating. He happens to be of a reputable family in our uni city which is just 😃fuxking wonderful. His parents hate me, he loves me, my ocd just sounds like a foghorn but I fight through it for him. We’ve been together almost 2 years and we plan to get married hopefully in the future. This is my first long term relationship so I am petrified I am a liar or hiding my true sexuality or smthn lol yay ocd right 😃 but yeah. The whole thing was really romantic. At least to me. My friend hid my dirty laundry for me while he and I talked. We kissed. We cuddled for 6 hours and watched Vox machina. Neither of us could stop smiling. I was so scared but it has been so surreal. It still is. When I have a clear head god I can see how much I adore him but I’m so worried it’s comphet or if it’s just normal relationship stuff. Idk how this works honestly. I adore him. He makes me feel so happy. I love how he looks at me. How I feel when I look at him. But every time I say anything that I actually truly feel I start getting nauseous or having that globus sensation in my throat.) Anyways I’m gonna go lose my mind over calculus and also eat some Popeyes.

recently, I’ve noticed over the last five months or even more that my brain gets caught on one specific thing each month that last week‘s on end. This might sound really stupid but last month it was religion, God and Jesus, as everything was being talked about after the death of Charlie Kirk. I never grew up religious and I’ve never been to church. Therefore, I have not been taught what these things mean and how they are significant to some people. I’ve never learned the Bible nor have i read it but recently I was fighting with whether I believed in God or not because I felt like I had nothing on my side, but here and there I get these signs and I try to be open and spiritual about them so I end up getting really confused and for weeks it’s all I would battle. I had to delete Instagram and Facebook and threads because it’s all I would see and I just needed time to figure out what to do. Short story is that I still haven’t found out what I believe in that’s OK. The hard part is how to cope with it because my brain is running at 1000 mph. Now this month recently, I’ve been very caught up in my partners life and how I feel excluded when things don’t go my way. my partner ended up canceling our dinner plans to go to a big football game. My partner went to a concert with their sibling and every time my partner plans something they just demand what their plans are without telling me and it makes me feel like I’m not involved or invited and I just don’t do that to them. Is it the way that I was taught and raised? I have no idea is it my OCD acting up again and again ? I have no idea. Long story short is that I’ve already tried therapy. I’ve tried marijuana, listening to music and calming down deleting the apps that trigger me and still it’s bad. just the other day my partner and I had plans for a month to go to a Halloween party together and we found out that it would start at 5:30 and I didn’t get off of work till six. Basically my partner didn’t wanna wait till 6 o’clock to show up to the party and wanted to be right on time at 5:30 and have me drive separately and meet them there my brain made a really big deal about this because I felt left out and that my partner wanted to show up alone and didn’t care for me to be by their side. And that hurts a person like me a lot. I realize a lot of the times maybe I do make a big deal out of these situations, but I have a hard time deciding whether it’s a real situation that anyone could be mad over or is it just specifically my OCD brain? Does anyone else get like this like overly sensitive and emotional and they’ve never usually been in that type of person?