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working to conquer OCD
having a hard time right now. lets just talk in the comments about whatever. our life, what we've been up to lately; my mind is really fixed on one of my obsessions and it would help me a lot
About a year ago i got into NOCD and exposure therapy and worked really hard to conquer my OCD and emetophobia. when i finished my therapy plan i felt like i was on top of the world and finally free from my cage. well at the beginning of this year i moved in with my fiance and got a new job. those things were some of the best things that ever happened to me and i was extremely proud of myself for working hard and doing it on my own. well fast forward a few months i could feel my old compulsions coming back but i brushed it off and tried not to. well now i just feel lost again. my anxiety is through the roof every single day im at work and i can feel my mind screaming compulsions at me and all of the what ifs. i end up disassociating for 8 hours at work and go home exhausted. 5 days a week. i know i need to restart therapy to get back on track but times are tough and i worry about the added stress of the cost and time it will take. but above all that, im not sure if im strong enough to do it again. exposure therapy was one of the HARDEST things ive ever done. and remembering how hard it is makes it difficult to get back into it knowing what i went through last time. iâm glad i did it and im so proud of myself for having the strength before, but its extremely daunting looking at it now. i guess i just wanted to rant to maybe someone who understands or has been through this before since i dont have anyone in my life who knows what its like to live with OCD. thanks for reading this far
Yesterday I had several confusing experiences involving sexual sensations and intrusive thoughts. At one point, something triggered a physical sensation, and my brain immediately started asking whether it meant I wanted to experience something with a girl or whether my sexual desire had changed. Instead of letting the sensation pass, I intentionally created replayed a thought to see what would happen. The thought became more vivid and the physical sensation became stronger, which made me anxious and made the experience feel very real, almost like a daydream I was experiencing rather than just imagining.I repeated the thought and then compared the experience with thoughts involving a boyfriend, trying to figure out whether my reactions were different. Later, I noticed other sensations and my brain connected them back to the earlier experience. I also noticed the âdream feelingâ I had experienced before, and I became focused on why it had appeared, disappeared, and whether I could experience it again. With my boyfriend, I also noticed a swallow sensation that my brain questioned as possibly being a sexual feeling. Then I started comparing that sensation with sensations I had experienced during the girl-related thoughts and wondering whether my feelings toward him were muted. The biggest thing I noticed was that I wasnât just having thoughts or sensations they became a test. I kept asking what the sensation meant, deliberately recreating thoughts, comparing reactions, and checking whether something felt vivid, real, exciting, uncomfortable, or absent. Each time I checked, I became more confused. I want help understanding why deliberately forcing replaying thoughts can make sensations or imagery feel so convincing and why my brain keeps treating those experiences as evidence about my actual desires.
Having a small spiral that started early this morning. My Relationship OCD was triggered when I woke up at around 3AM randomly and saw that my boyfriend was awake as well due to a soar throat. He was scrolling on his phone and drinking some tea that he made earlier, which wasnât at all unusual. I was totally fine up until I rolled over to face him and he instinctively and quickly hid his phone slightly. I saw this happen, but didnât bring it up at all, but thatâs when my anxiety started to seriously rise. So I looked to see what he was looking at without him realizing, (which I now feel very guilty over) and it didnât look like anything to worry about, he was typing something out and clearly texting someone I think, but the conversation and images that I saw, either I couldnât fully make out, or were just potentially about mechanical jargon, which is not unusual. The pictures didnât seem odd, just confusing to me. Nonetheless though, my anxiety rose A LOT just because he tried to hide his phone for a moment. âWell why is he hiding his phone if he has nothing to hide?â âDid he switch tabs before I saw what I saw? Maybe thatâs what he was trying to hide?â I feel awfulâŚI hate that my OCD is latching onto this horrible fear so much lately. Iâve been taking 20MG of Fluoxetine over the past week to try and help with the thoughts, but iâve yet to see results. Any advice for how to go about this? I donât want to bring this up with my boyfriend due to how many times similar conversations like this have happened, and Iâm just fueling the OCD if I do that. Iâm scared that this will hurt our relationship long term.
This is just exactly my last post, lasts arouund.. 3-5 paragraphs. This version summarized although provides less detail. Last night I spiraled deeply. I felt like I was going to explode, I know I need help and it hurts a lot. With traditional Gen X parents who do care for me but are so odd with mental health, it's almost impossible to get the medical health but I crave it so bad especially since I had it grasped for just one moment. It hurts so bad, especially since due to my past trauma I'm aware I need it so had. I'm hurting mentally, physically, and overall I feel like my development and brain is scrambled. This is getting really serious. (And each time I feel like I'm getting better, it falls back to a worse state each time. đ) I'm isolating a lot, I feel like a crazy monster due to my OCD and it hurts to have talked about my friend 2 posts ago especially with how nice they've been to me recently,, even with doing a bad action, they never did it again and what does that say about me who's done bad? I don't know. Despite then, I still have no clue how to respond since I'm not sure what's morally right or wrong, especially due to childhood I confuse myself on what is. Maybe I'm awful, maybe I'm not. But goodness do I wish I had the guidance for once! I can't deal with this disorder for half of my life and all on my own? I thought I was an expert at navigating this, but clearly not.
how do i just be chill and not let delayed texting, behavior, arguments, normal things, phone calls, everything under the sun with relationships eat my life and consume my thoughts and my emotions at all times? this is so damn hard for me and i donât know what to do. i try the distraction stuff and âdoing things i likeâ but i always end up back where i donât want to be with anxiety and worrying about my relationship. why am i exhausting myself???
It robbed me of joy and a life I envisioned.
Hey does anyone else have this issue with OCD? And Self improvement? Where it doesnât want you to improve your life in anyway? So for example. Iâm an obese person. Iâm not ashamed but it is definitely affecting my mobility.. And yet. Any time I want to lose weight. Instant fear of change? Also I read once that losing weight is a sign of illness. Like unexplained weight loss? And so even though my weight loss would be explained. My brain simply wonât allow it? In fear of maybe not picking up on unexplained weight-loss. Or whatever?- But thatâs just one example. Itâs everything. Habits or wanting to try new hobbies. That if I try to make my life better in anyway. Iâll be severely punished. To correct the balance I suppose? Like the reason I have good things in my life is because of all the bad things. And itâs like a balance that canât be disrupted? Regardless, I donât think I can ever break through. Anytime I try. Something slightly bad happens and just scares me right back? Hard not to believe there is a correlation. But I donât want to be stuck like this forever. There is a dream version of me. And I wish I could reach her. Without fear. Anyone else felt this? How did you get out of it. If you have. Any advice is appreciated :)
21+ only OCD is making me scared about person who had an onlyfans and posted explicit things trying to convince me they're a horrible person, it's also making me doubt my memories of them having an onlyfans when I know they did. I tried to disprove OCD messing with me and make sure the person wasn't evil but instead got triggered hy unrelated instagram and twitter accounts that I reported to be safe because one of the twitter accounts had an anime banner that rubbed me the wrong way, during all of this, I was basically having a full blown panic attack and I saw an account on onlyfans with the same name that said unavailable but wasn't sure if was the same person, I also saw awful "leaked" websites and reported those because it's violating and also because of a reddit post that I thought could be related because the person had the same first name saying that they regretted posting NSFW stuff of themselves, and it turned out that the twitter account I clicked on thinking it was unrelated but didn't have anything bad on it, was related to the person and their other account had a worrying drawn banner of a character's eyes and part of their face that seemed to elude to explicit things so I reported everything I could. I also checked their linktree to see if it was their onlyfans that said unavailable or if I needed to report that too but it led to another linktree and OCD twisted my intentions. The twitter account that I reported at first and I don't think was related to them despite it being the same name also said they were 20 in their bio so OCD's messing with me about that despite me only seeing their account last year. OCD making me scared of triggers when itching even though I know for a fact that I closed my phone and put it down to do so. OCD messing with me about the compulsion again and I keep telling it to stop. I'm so scared I naively trusted the wrong person and that they turned out to be a bad person and I didn't know and I know that I'm most likely wrong about all of this but the 1% chance I'm not is eating away at me and I just don't know what to do, I don't want to have unknowingly done something awful but trusted them because they had an onlyfans and so would've had to verify their age obviously and send in their ID but not just that, it's like the possibility of them drawing horrible things after I stopped using twitter (or even seeing their accounts which was way before and I may have even blocked them for their following idk) means that I'm a bad person even though I never knew these things and they happened after the fact. OCD making me scared I gave benefit of the doubt to people who followed horrific people when I know I didn't but it keeps making me doubt myself and I'm sure I blocked someone that I followed when I saw they followed someone awful but OCD's making me doubt it and I think I kept checking if they unfollowed them after I DM'd them about the person being awful maybe but idk and OCD keeps making me scared I gave awful people benefit of the doubt.
just to say, i am not trying to seek reassurance, i just need some advice on how to respond to this correctly. so for the past 6 months, ive been stuck in an ROCD spiral, mainly me doubting my relationship and questioning whether i love my partner and want to be with them, the whole 9 yards. my main struggle with this theme is the lack of feelings iâve had towards him that follow the thoughts. like id have a thought, i would check the way i felt, feel no love or connection and that was my âproofâ. the past few weeks ive actually had quite a lot of breakthroughs and iâve been great. the other night i was laying with my partner, and i was just thinking about how much i love him. and how much love i felt for him. and then it began literally instantly. switched on me. long story short, i was unfaithful a few years ago, it was strictly online, i was 18 years old, i didnât end up telling him about it until over a year laterâŚbut he knows. i was 18 when i cheated, 19 when i told him and we are 21 now. and i have NOT been able to forgive myself for it, at all. in that moment i was lying there with him, i had an OVERWHELMING feeling that i didnât deserve him, at all. iâm a horrible person, im a liar, heâs too good for me, i donât deserve him at all. and what haunts me even more, is when i DID tell him, i told him the vast majority of everything but i sugarcoated some things and lied about some things, told him i forgot a lot of things but i really didnât, in fear. (i did end up trying to open up about this but he said if there was anything he wanted to know heâd ask, he never did ask and i respected that) now, my ocd is eating this up. i feel like i need to re-confess every single detail and tell him im such a liar and a POS. this has turned me back into a shell, sitting in our room researching and beating myself up. now i also feel like everything i say and do with other people is cheating. i genuinely just feel like im a terrible person, a liar, and that i just need to leave him so he doesnât have to be with someone as horrible as me. i just need help on how to respond to this bc im genuinely stuck in a spiral and need to climb my way out before i actually re-open this wound with my partner and potentially ruin our 7 year relationship. (i also want to say, please donât make me feel like shit for being unfaithful, i KNOW it was wrong, and it is something i would NEVER repeat.)
Has anyone else dealt with ritual OCD, and if so what has helped you overcome it? Mine involves checking the stoves, windows, sinks, doors, lights, fan making sire theyre all off/closed/locked. But I do it in a particular way/order and a pattern. From saying it outloud, to pulling the know certain pattern and # of times. Sometimes I go over because it feels like I didnt check it right. I only do it because im afraid I won't be able to sleep unless I do it. As there were a couple occasions where I couldn't sleep because I kept thinking that I didnt do it right and I did it wrong. So no im afraid of messing up or decreasing it. I was able to decrease it before at one time but alot of changes happened and it grew worse again. It takes me like 2-3 hours to complete it. Its annoying because I have to meet certain conditions before doing it, like my hair has ti be up, but I always redo it like 2-4 times. I have to wash my glasses 2 times. I have to have socks on. My hands have ti be washed, my phone has ti be clean etc. Its just worsening and more rules are being added. I know its my fault for giving in but the anxiety is really bad. I just need some advice on how I can approach this, my insurance isnt accepted on this app so I cant see a specialized therapist. Maybe some advice given to you from your therapist or experiences. Thank you for reading my story.
I have been in bed for months no job no life I donât even have the energy to watch a movie. Iâm just fading away. I just donât care about anything anymore. And if another (well intentioned) person offers platitudes or suggests that I do yoga or whatever I feel like I will lose my mind. I call the helplines, I go to therapy, I research next steps in treatment. But I still dread waking up every day. My set of conditions and experiences seem like the perfect recipe for hell on earth. This OCD nightmare alone has lasted 15 years and I honestly canât take it any more.
Does anyone else have bladder ocd? How do you manage it? Iâm trying to get out of this one TMI* - wiping too much - feeling I have to pee and then going even when I donât need to - âjust in caseâ peeing - checking to see if I leaked - constant false feelings - scared to move my body How do you manage it?
I've been in a relationship for about 5 months now. He's really amazing and I love him. But before meeting him I've struggled on and off with bicuriousity and I never experimented. I've imagined going off and experimenting, but deep down I visualized him not being in my life anymore and I know I'd regret it. Throughout the relationship I've tried pushing down the feelings I've had about the bicuriousity. But more thoughts have come up lately and I've been scared throughout our relationship of what if I cheated on him? I think part of why I'm so scared of cheating is bc I'm uncertain of my sexuality and it makes me question the relationship. I'm really emotional and scared and confused. I just want to be happy and I don't want to mess up my relationship. I'd never want to hurt him
Not so long ago, maybe 2 years ago my friend was exposed on saying the N word. An ex friend who's white got upset and immediately cut off contact, which caused a bit of drama since she told me to tell them it wasn't meant in a derogatory way and the ex friend is white so they can't be upset. I at the time followed through with a "I don't know the context but they said that it wasn't meant to be derogatory I'm sorry, đ I kind of talked to them, keep in mind I don't say it myself. It's not really the best." To the ex friend. My friend also laughed it off with the group and I just didn't know what to do other than fit in and go along. Later on my friend apologized, and overall they don't align with racism, but ever since it's been recently killing me and I feel as if I did all of that myself, especially since I just hung out with them like normal after it? And with my current subtype it's amplified to a crazy lot. It sucks even more knowing that I unintentionally said it when I was 7, 9? or a bit older or younger, since I wasn't aware of the history. But I feel like a hypocrite and racist, even with morals always being to being loving towards all from the earliest days of my life. My other close ones have gone through similar mistakes, I just don't know what to do. Especially with people saying that "if you're friends with a horrible person, you aren't any better" which leads to consider cutting them off? They aren't actively hateful but that situation is deemed as serious. They're also always there for me and are nice to me, so I feel evil but if I say that I also feel like I'm treating it as nothing again. I HATE how much those things were enabled in my life too, I wish that from the start someone would tell me "even if it's seemed as unserious, don't ever take it as such!!" Instead I was told "You're _ so it wouldn't be bad if you said it" and I ended up confessing and exaggerating my real events turned into recently discovered false memories and the response was only shock and maybe a quick chuckle. Because now I'm just ruminating over all of my events (some of them not even real, rather than falsely told but now I can't tell) and I'm stressing over someone else's event, if I was given a reality check I would've done so much more to the situation! I hate being passive because it led me to being an enabler. But now if I do cut them off, I'll be exposed myself and seen as a hypocrite. I just don't know what to do, ugh.
21+ only OCD is making me scared about person who had an onlyfans and posted explicit things trying to convince me they're a horrible person, it's also making me doubt my memories of them having an onlyfans when I know they did. I tried to disprove OCD messing with me and make sure the person wasn't evil but instead got triggered hy unrelated instagram and twitter accounts that I reported to be safe because one of the twitter accounts had an anime banner that rubbed me the wrong way, during all of this, I was basically having a full blown panic attack and I saw an account on onlyfans with the same name that said unavailable but wasn't sure if was the same person, I also saw awful "leaked" websites and reported those because it's violating and also because of a reddit post that I thought could be related because the person had the same first name saying that they regretted posting NSFW stuff of themselves, and it turned out that the twitter account I clicked on thinking it was unrelated but didn't have anything bad on it, was related to the person and their other account had a worrying drawn banner of a character's eyes and part of their face that seemed to elude to explicit things so I reported everything I could. I also checked their linktree to see if it was their onlyfans that said unavailable or if I needed to report that too but it led to another linktree and OCD twisted my intentions. The twitter account that I reported at first and I don't think was related to them despite it being the same name also said they were 20 in their bio so OCD's messing with me about that despite me only seeing their account last year. OCD making me scared of triggers when itching even though I know for a fact that I closed my phone and put it down to do so. OCD messing with me about the compulsion again and I keep telling it to stop. I'm so scared I naively trusted the wrong person and that they turned out to be a bad person and I didn't know and I know that I'm most likely wrong about all of this but the 1% chance I'm not is eating away at me and I just don't know what to do, I don't want to have unknowingly done something awful but trusted them because they had an onlyfans and so would've had to verify their age obviously and send in their ID but not just that, it's like the possibility of them drawing horrible things after I stopped using twitter (or even seeing their accounts which was way before and I may have even blocked them for their following idk) means that I'm a bad person even though I never knew these things and they happened after the fact. OCD making me scared I gave benefit of the doubt to people who followed horrific people when I know I didn't but it keeps making me doubt myself and I'm sure I blocked someone that I followed when I saw they followed someone awful but OCD's making me doubt it and I think I kept checking if they unfollowed them after I DM'd them about the person being awful maybe but idk and OCD keeps making me scared I gave awful people benefit of the doubt.
my 19 years old son keeps thinking about a certain things for months and makes it the most important issue to be resolved. he keeps talking and discussing it endlessly ti the extent that he forgets about other important tasks like eating or sleeping or maintaining hygeine. it would continue for few months than he would find something else to think about. he is not focusing on his academics. Guide me how to handle this.
I am a 17-year-old male high school student, and I want to give some background first. I have always been very good at academics. I could understand concepts extremely quickly and memorize things after reading them only once or twice. My life was going really well until 8th grade. I was confident, good at public speaking, and enjoyed giving speeches and participating in debates. Then, seemingly out of nowhere, my life turned upside down because of one thing: OCD. My OCD became extremely severe. Living normally for even a few seconds became difficult. I was constantly dealing with intrusive thoughts and fighting battles inside my own head. I would spend hours performing compulsions. I remember days when I didn't sleep at all because I was occupied with compulsions throughout the night. Some of my compulsions were also extremely embarrassing. Sometimes, I would repeat certain words verbally over and over again. Don't even get me started on academics. I became almost completely unable to study. I started failing my classes, and at one point, I didn't go to school for an entire year. I spent hours crying alone in my room. I stopped meeting my friends because I was afraid they would think I was crazy. I went to a psychiatrist and a therapist, but unfortunately, I didn't get much better for almost two years. Eventually, though, things slowly started improving. Most of my compulsions are now gone, and in many ways, I am doing much better than I was before. But one extremely frustrating and debilitating problem just won't go away. It is very difficult to explain. It feels like my own mind is working against me, and I don't mean that metaphorically. I mean it literally. Whenever I try to do something mentally demanding, my brain seems to stop me from doing it. The biggest way this affects me is academically. I am almost completely unable to study effectively. For example, when I try to memorize something, my brain constantly throws random thoughts and interruptions at me. These thoughts don't necessarily have any meaning. They feel more like interruptions that prevent me from maintaining my focus. Even while writing this paragraph, whenever I try to think of a particular word, my mind sometimes blocks me. Because of this, I struggle to recall information, memorize things, formulate thoughts, and put them into words. I can study for hours and genuinely put in a huge amount of effort, but when I try to recall what I studied, these interruptions interfere so much that I feel like everything has disappeared. And this isn't limited to studying. It affects almost every cognitive function I rely on. Reading, speaking, brainstorming, recalling information, forming thoughts, and trying to express myself can all become extremely difficult because of this problem. The frustrating part is that I still have control over my physical activities. So I try to do everything I can physically control. Even when I feel incapable of memorizing or studying properly, I still sit down and try. I work out every day, eat healthy, and continue pushing myself. The heartbreaking part is that nobody seems to understand what I am going through. People sometimes label me as stupid or incapable, and it hurts because I know that I wasn't always like this. I know what I was capable of before. I remember being the person who could understand things quickly, memorize easily, speak confidently, and perform well academically. Now I constantly watch other students move forward while I feel like I am fighting just to stay in the same place. A normal student can study harder and improve their grades, but for me, it feels like no matter how hard I study, something inside my own mind keeps forcing me backward. I am putting in the effort, but I don't feel like I have control over the thing that is preventing me from benefiting from that effort. I had always dreamed of getting into a prestigious university. Now, sometimes, I feel like that future has been taken away from me. All of these problems seem connected to this one particular issue, whatever it actually is. Because of it, my confidence has completely fallen apart. My perception of myself has changed. I constantly blame myself and often feel like I am the worst person on the planet, even though a part of me knows that I am genuinely trying my best. I just want to understand what is happening to me. What could this actually be? Why does my mind seem to interfere with almost every cognitive task I try to perform? And why has this remained even after most of my OCD compulsions have improved? I have seen both a psychiatrist and a therapist, but so far, neither has been able to explain what is happening or make this particular problem significantly less intense. I desperately want to understand it because it is affecting almost every part of my life, especially my education and my ability to see a future for myself.
My brain doesnât stop its constantly ruminating â every bad experiences that I had ( it thinks the same will happen in the future) but its partially true because those are realistic fears and some of my worries do come true because i know my surroundings people i am surrounded with their level of understanding etc etc. So all the worst outcomes that MIGHT happen in the future my brain constantly ruminates that. Because I come from different culture now people know about depression anxiety that too basic so they donât understand why i behave the way i behave. I have explained my problem to people but the responses i got was very bad so those past experiences gets imprinted very strongly and regarding future i think everything would be same Like conditioning has happened. But many things do have come true because i understand people very well ( only talking about my family and my city ) in another city it might be better. And if i donât feel like doing anything still i should get up and do things.( regarding this give me a good or deep answer that will only help me to move)
I canât live a single day of my life without thinking about death. Media, conversation, and even just seeing an old person just triggers this thought that one day when I grow old, everything Iâve ever experienced will just be taken from me. In turn, I have so much anxiety when it comes to health and every little pain or discomfort has me googling the symptoms. I donât know how to handle this but itâs gotten so bad
If you are in crisis, please use these emergency resources to find immediate help.
OCD doesn't have to
rule your life
