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I feel like I've been faking my entire relationship. That I've been pretending to like my boyfriend, that I was never really happy with him at all, that I don't feel like myself with him. But I've had lots of happy times with him, I feel at home in his family, I am attracted to him??? I'm so confused and also hurt because I would never want to be deceived this way but now I feel like I'm doing it to him. He once said he was worried I was just acting in love because he was in disbelief that I was actually his girlfriend (out of happiness and believing I was out of his league), but ever since he said that I've been getting myself worked up about if that IS what I've been doing. Where are these thoughts and feelings coming from? They're so disturbing and make me so uneasy :( It's really difficult to just say "maybe it's true, maybe it isn't" when it's making me question my morals and identity.

Hi everyone :) I’m in an amazing loving relationship of three and a half years, and sometimes I will get night terrors of my bf cheating on me and it makes me depressed all day and I can’t stop ruminating over it. I think my biggest issue is the misinformation about dreams and how they “mean something” because that is VERY harmful to someone with ocd. How can I let these not affect me? Do I label it as a bullshit thought like the rest of my ocd? Ugh this sucks so so bad and I feel so guilty for having dreams that paint my bf in a bad light. Maybe it’s just because it’s so personal and it’s about something I love SO very much in my life, because I’ll have night terrors about different things 😭 also I feel really guilty because a few years ago I talked to my doc about the night terrors and her advice was to literally break up with him when that is NOT what I want to do or even need to do. Help me :(

(Writing this in class I don't really care, I trust myself that no one's looking this just can't wait.) I feel like I'm going to have a panic episode soon, darn you OCD and everything that's going on inside my brain ! Last night mood swings was off, I went from being absolutely estatic and laughing at everything to suddenly dissociating for a moment then to going back to being happy and now I just feel depressed and I'm so stressed about many things and OCD themes... POCD, ROCD but with friendships, Existential OCD, Harm OCD, Real Event OCD, Moral OCD, (these are the themes that are currently bothering me right now) I'm also worrying about friendships in general, school grades, myself and insecurities, and etc, I'm trying so hard to seem open to everyone and warming but I was asked if I was okay by a classmate even if I wasn't doing anything but looking into the walls- I nodded brightly but I don't feel okay.. I'm bottling everything up . So much is happening, and I may rant about all my stresses tonight here but at this current moment I sorta have limited time to display out all my thoughts before I have to head to my next class. I do have my coping mechanisms right now which is my daydreaming and talking to my intrusive thoughts and OCD as a bully/toxic friend . That does help me a lot but I DO really hope that I can focus on my school work and tasks I need to do because I really need to have that all figured out before break starts. Wish me luck . :,)💜 good day to everyone

does anybody else feel like they are starting to be a pdf? idk how to explain it i’m js very nervous because when i’m around children i don’t get any groinal response or dark thoughts but when i’m alone I do…. it’s my third spiral in this theme and the groinal response and images are new wich lead me to think that i’m actually starting to like them but i honestly don’t know wtf is going on since i don’t watch any content or do anything to feed these thoughts, but my brain is like what if one day u do and you acc like it?

Hi! I’ve recently come out to myself as a lesbian and it’s been great. This label makes so much sense and I find a lot of peace within it….then came the intrusive thoughts. I feel like I’m hyper aware of my attraction to men when watching TV. Like if a guy that is aesthetically hot is on my screen, I’m like questioning if I’m attracted to him. Ik that aesthetic attraction is very different than romantic attraction, but those thoughts of “ am I REALLY a lesbian” come up for me and it’s honestly terrible. Every single day I have these thoughts ( at least once a day!!! And it lasts for hours ugh). I think im scared because I love being a lesbian. Any advice on how to fix this?

I want to preface by saying my OCD has been exponentially better. I haven’t even posted on here in months which I used to do obsessively. With that being said, I have an ex from four years ago. He truly struggled with mental health and did some crazy things. It was an incredibly toxic relationship. He was reaching out for a while and then stopped. I blocked him every way I could but he has recently been reaching out on new accounts he’s created (on Instagram). According to a message he sent, he knows about my wedding which doesn’t surprise me as I have a public website and he likely looked up people I know that posted wedding event photos. I block his news accounts but it’s happened twice now where he creates new accounts. I even choose “block this account and future accounts by this person” option but it doesn’t always work. According to Google he could be using a different email or IP address to create these accounts. Anyway, I’m far removed from this relationship. So much as I’m getting married to the man I have been with for three years. I guess my OCD comes in when 1. I convince myself I did something like reached out to my ex to spark his attention (even though I know I didn’t do that) and 2. That’ll he find a way to contact me on my wedding day since he likely knows the date. Any time he reaches out it sets the mood for a day fueled with anxiety and trying to figure out why this is happening when the simple answer behind it is he truly has problems and is crazy. Does anyone have advice on how I could NOT ruin my wedding/the days leading up to it in fear that my ex is going to reach out and ruin it? Obviously it’s presumptuous that this this will happen and my reaction likely won’t be anxious like it typically is as I’ll be quite busy caring about the day, but nonetheless I am fueled with anxiety thinking about this possibility.

I've been stuck in a Real Event spiral for about a week now. It all has to do with my relationship and things that I've done/thought. I've been with my girlfriend for 10 years. I suspect I may have BPD (or a similar disorder), because for the first 4 or so years of our relationship, I exhibited a ton of really bad behavior and thought processes (partially due to very poor emotional regulation). I was controlling, unfaithful, impulsive, and always doing/thinking super fucked up things while thinking I was in the right. I had a huge victim complex. I spent years ruminating and confessing all of the events I could remember, along with some of the horrible ways I was thinking sometimes while engaging in these things. My girlfriend has been very hurt by me, but she has forgiven me and wants to continue our relationship due to my remorse, ability to take accountability, and changed behavior. I am horrified by the person I was between 16-20 (and a bit betond). I would do anything to go back on time and give myself a good beating. But I can't. When these episodes happen, it's all I think about from the moment I wake up until I go to bed. All I can do is research and ruminate and try to find out all of the details behind my fucked up intentions and mean thoughts. I try my best to just act normal around her and not give in to the extreme urge to confess, but it's killing me. I've spent years confessing, and all of the confessing really took a toll on my girlfriend. A lot of the things I've confessed were absolutely necessary, but she says that perhaps most things didn't need to be confessed. She prefers that I limit confessing as much as possible, and she doesn't really care to hear about things that center around my past thoughts. But what if those thoughts turned into some of the fuel for my terrible behaviors? Shouldn't she know then? What if the thought is tied into the action? What if the thought would make her not want to be with me anymore? That's my biggest fear. I've had thoughts that are so hurtful in the past that I'm afraid tjey would be the last straw for her. I'm so afraid of hurting her. I was such a monster, and she is the only person I give a damn about besides my direct family. I want to be with her forever. I would kill to marry her, but I feel like I can't as long as there are still these things that I haven't confessed. I don't even know if I have real event OCD considering I was such a deeply fucked up person. I know that I've confessed to her about hundreds of horrible things in the past. Why didn't I confess these things before she put a boundary on the confessing? What if these things are actually 100% vital for her to know, and I am conveniently abiding by her boundary to avoid ruining our relationship? Maybe this is something I should just tell her. I know it wouldn't help her, it would only make her sad, and it wasn't a specific action I did but something I thought about sometimes that may have made me justify those actions in my head. I was doing so good at not getting these confession urges for months. Now I feel like I'm dying. I don't want to hurt her and tell her this fucked up shit. It's not how I feel now. But she deserves to know the full extent of what a fuckup I was. I keep going back in my head, trying to figure out the ratio of bad thoughts and good thoughts I had about her. I feel like I'm mainly only remembering bad, hurtful things. I just wish I could have been a better person. I'm so afraid of losing the love of my life, the person that has stuck by me through my absolute lowest moments. She deserves so much better than me. I hate myself.

Please someone read the whole thing!! Im so scared and confused and someone just needs to tell me if what I’m experiencing is normal. So I g it out of my flare up like two weeks ago and when I didn’t feel lesbian anymore and wasn’t anxious around my friends and knew I didn’t have a crush on them I felt like flying. Literally it felt like I was flying! I felt great and amazing and carefree like I was so grateful. Well guess what. I go to my figure skating practice the girl who was the trigger for my first giant flare up was there and it got bad again. I got intrusive thoughts of having s*x with her and after some time it didn’t make me anxious anymore. In general the thought of being intimate with a woman doesn’t make me anxious or disgusted anymore but it always used to make me feel that way. And now I got triggered again because ea girl from my band is really pretty and I can’t look at her. It feels like I’m actually a lesbian but I don’t want to be. I don’t even know what to think anymore . There’s also a chance I don’t even have ocd and this is just my coming out and I just at can’t accept it. The intrusive thoughts don’t give me much anxiety anymore which really scares me bc that means I like them right? Also if I don’t feel disgusted by them anymore help. And I can’t watch shows anymore because I find the female actors pretty and yeah tahtvtroggers me. And I can’t look at a woman without getting an intrusive thought of having s*x with her and Issing her and it used to make me really anxious and I would cry but now I don’t get anxious anymore actually. And I could always say rhag I’d NEVER want to have a gf and that was always clear but now suddenly I’ve been questioning it so much that I’m not even sure if I would want one or if it’s just like that because I’ve never tried it. Oh and I can’t look at the people that trigger me anymore bc then I’ll think I’m in love with them.

My mind likes to think about all of the things I don't have in comparison to others, so I'm just writing this to remind myself of what I do have in my life to be thankful for. That definitely includes the NOCD community. :)

Anyone here experienced this thing where I put the prompt of my fear in a little different style and use of words and it gave me a result saying my fear might be true and then when I used a little different way of putting my fears in words the ChatGPT gave me result saying how my fears are irrational and irrelevant. so I think the prompt is very important when you use ChatGPT. When I got the negative feedback I got really panicked and wasted two days overthinking about it .Also should the people with OCD completely avoid using ChatGPT or AI for their fears or reassurances.?? Please let me know your opinion.

I suffer from abandonment anxiety after a brutal discard from a narcissistic partner 2 years ago. It sabotaged my self image, crushed my self esteem, and pushed me into several identity crises. I sabotaged many potential friendships in fear of being not enough for them. I have issues with my identity where my personality shifts depending on the day and who I’m talking to. I impulsively purchase things without caring about the financial impact it’ll have on me and my family to cope with my feelings. (before I even dated him) I have intensive mood swings where I’m happy, then sad, then scared, then angry, all in the span of 10 minutes… This was a result of my PTSD in full force after being stalked and falsely accused of something I didn’t do, triggering a manifestation of emotions all at once. I still experience paranoia and feel like there’s more than one person inside of me. And I don’t know who is what, I even told my therapist, the same person you’re talking to today might not be the same person tomorrow.

I feel so disgusting😭

I’ve been struggling with so-ocd for a long time now. Lately, there’s been a bad flare up and it’s been making me think that I’ve actually been lying about my sexuality and an actually a lesbian in denial. I can’t tell whether this is real denial or just so-ocd, but it honestly feels so real that I can’t tell anymore. Today I hung out with a guy after a very long time and at first things were good, but when things started to get somewhat intimate, I began to panic badly. I kept thinking “oh god I hate this, I’m gay” and kept having thoughts to just let it happen and I don’t know why. I did end up letting some things happen, and after a while I actually started to ease up a bit. I wanted to kiss him badly at times, but for some reason just couldn’t bring myself to, I felt like my heart was going to beat out of my chest. After some more time, I began to get really touchy with him and started feeling comfortable again, but the anxiety was still there. Like I was afraid to make a move or something. I can’t tell if this is just me having anxiety or just being uncomfortable because of the possibility of being a lesbian in denial. I don’t know, but it’s been stressing me out. I’m laying in bed and I was watching a movie, and I had this thought of him laying next to me while cuddling and how it would seem nice. Throughout the hangout with him, I wanted to hug him really bad, but what if I’m just thinking this because I’m denying the possibility of being into girls? I hate feeling like this, I have having anxiety around this, I can’t even tell the difference anymore and I feel like a parasite lives inside my mind. Is this so-ocd or just normal anxiety??

I’m genuinely curious: does your religion help you face the things that are difficult when it comes to OCD? Sometimes I feel like I want to be a better person, to find strength to face difficult things, and to be more loving toward myself and others. I have been curious about Christianity over the past few years and feel a sort of call. But from the outside, it seems confusing too. For example, when I image praying to God and asking him for strength, or “give up” control of a certain situation, this gives me anxiety. I think there’s a part of me that DOES want to be in control. So in a way, perhaps having faith would be an exposure for me. But, I also hear that faith can sometimes make OCD difficult, say if you’re trying to pray perfectly, behave morally, or figure out what God is trying to tell you, etc. In other words, faith becomes a compulsion. I want to know about what this is like for other people. How does faith affect your OCD?

I almost feel guilt for being on this app. Like, everyone here is struggling and this is just my big excuse for the human I am? I have ocd but that doesn't mean I can't ALSO be what I fear? Am I just living a lie? It also feels like when people say "intrusive" thoughts, it proves I'm just lying because the thoughts don't feel intrusive. They feel more terrifying and dark, not like they're randomly jumping at me and disturbing me. It feels more like I'm constantly questioning myself and one specific question rather than being disturbed by a random thought that popped into my head?

I was diagnosed with PTSD from military sexual trauma a few years ago but have struggled with OCD and ADHD as a young girl like 5/6, and 2 years ago found out my husband had been hiding an affair. I can’t get over it. I’m supposed to start EMDR next week and I am scared about it making it worse. I’m scared to divorce and scared to start because I keep “knowing” it will happen again. I can’t stop obsessing over the things they did and the other woman. Then it worsens my ROCD I can’t stop bringing it up. Im arguing all the time it’s like I need to talk about it because I need to know he understands and I need a guarantee it won’t happen again and I haven’t slept more than 3-6 hours in quite literally 3 years. It never ends . Any time we are together now I am constantly obsessing over things being off. I’m living in a prison in my own head and I desperately want to get out because I need to make the best decision for myself and my kids. Has anybody had any luck healing from CPTSD comorbid OCD?? I feel like they’ll both feed each other off my soul until there’s nothing left

I have been blocked again by people who I considered to be very helpful in my OCD journey on here... this is why i don't like talking about my real events ocd... its because people will shame me and block me... and think I'm a PDF...

i've been messagging with a friend i havent seen for a long time and we're planning to see each other in a few days. he sent me on whatsapp as a joke a sticker of 2 naked guys running around with their p*n*s erected to like sword fight. I looked at it to make sure to confirm they were adults, but I couldn't really tell, they had an unclear face. They looked old enough to look like they were 25 or maybe less, perhaps minors, which is my biggest concern. he obviously didn't mean anything ill by it, he's a good person, should i sit with this uncertainty and hang out normally with him? I don't feel as hyped to see him right now.

Today I got drunk after work with my friends and I do not drunk alcohol at all, but I feel like I did something horrible even tho I did not. And would never. I think my relationship ocd is coming up and I am scared I did somethinh awful that would hurt my beautifil girl. Can someone reassure me because I am scared to death… I never want to hurt her, I love her more than anything.

can you have ocd about how you look? i’ve never been diagnosed with body dysmorphia so i don’t wanna say that’s what it is but everything i read about it i heavily relate to. i dunno if the two overlap but i’ve always been overly obsessed and critical with my appearance. constantly checking in the mirror (or completely avoiding mirrors) and rethinking even the smallest of things like how i do my hair, something i’m wearing, my body, etc. looking at old pictures of myself or comparing myself or others online when i feel bad. i have thoughts about how ugly i must be and if anyone says otherwise i’m convinced they’re joking or lying. like i sometimes genuinely feel so ugly that i shouldn’t be seen and that it would be an embarrassment for anyone to talk to me or be seen with me. it’s especially bad when i think of being in a relationship, like i should just stay away from other people, even just trying to talk to people. i’ve never talked to a therapist about this because it feels embarrassing but i genuinely don’t know if this is ocd related or something completely separate.