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the NOCD Community

To all the girls out there :) When your period is coming, does it increase your intrusive thoughts? If so, how do you cope with it? I mean, I clearly know it’s OCD and I know how not-to care about it after this time of the month but week before and during the cycle it’s like a nightmare… even tho I know it’s just this freaking ilness, I feel a huge anxiety and fear. How do you cope with that, girls? (Not looking for reassurance or anything, just being curious! :))

Does anyone suffer from schizophrenia/psychosis OCD? Where they are so afraid that this is what is happening rather than anxiety or OCD? Like intrusive thoughts of the same nature a person suffering psychosis would have? Or doing mental rituals to prevent hallucinations or delusions from happening? A lot of my compulsions are avoidance too which severely impacts my quality of life. It isn’t as common as other themes and there’s other parts of it that stem from trauma, but this is the general theme.

I’ve been really bad at doing ERP the past few days, and I can feel OCD starting to sink it’s claws back into me. It’s almost bedtime, and I’m scared to do ERP so close to when I should be winding down to sleep, but I’m going to do it anyway. Time to go look at some artistic nudes until I stop feeling anxious, I guess! Wish me luck.

I get obsessed over simple things (like dialogues) that I feel like I didn't fully understand (when in reality I do) and my mind gets stuck in a loop. I find myself overanalysing a sentence, a dialogue. It's like if I were stuck in an endless circle of thought. Has anybody ever felt like this?

I’m really struggling, with POCD false memory from 3 years ago, I did great for about a year but my PTSD being around my parents sent me into an OCD spiral about a month ago and I can’t get back to a good place. My daughters at the age where she hates me and the world. I can hardly touch her without her jumping. I speak to her she gets defensive. I put a post up the other night about her rejecting my hug and it literally sent me into a severe panic attack. It’s my only day off today after working a long weekend. I just went to wake her up for school by sitting on the edge of her bed and she’s just so moody. This is killing me, I feel like my reassurance that I’m innocent is based off her mood. All I want to do is climb back in bed and shut down, and unfortunately I have to help my sister today moving my parents into an apartment, I’m scared to be around them. I know they will make me feel worse but I have to help for my sister. She’s finally realized how toxic they are and has made a life changing decision to move out at 35. I’m so proud of her and want to be supportive but my brain is just all over the place. My mom is sickly, her and my dad are both addicts and seeing them in such a sad state just messes with my head. I’m so resentful, I feel like they are the route of all my anxiety and OCD, they definitely triggered my false memory and it’s hard to find peace with any of this.

I am feeling helpless and so torn…Idk why but it’s starting to feel a little too real and i am always just hanging in between which is like feeling similar for the the opp sex and the same which makes me believe in what i am denying or am i even denying?!? Like I can’t differentiate whats true what not cause all this feels very true natural and how it should have always been but i am just realising and this is the process where everyone is anxious at first and then become normal with it?!? Like thats how it happens with people who are in denial too right like how do i tell myself i am not in denial and when someone says i am straight how do i believe it with so many proofs and then I actually don’t believe it cause the opp feels more believable than this and if thats the case doesn’t it say that yes i have been avoiding it and what for if i am not scared and okay with it but am i truly like if i even consider this an option that says something about this right?!? What do i do?!?

Does anyone just feel like a gay best friend in their relationship now?

Pls could use a little help 😥I had a few things in mind that i need to get out so i have my thoughts and then they just pass away without any anxiety like they are a part of me and it's natural to me which I don't understand how it's possible its feels like At this point I don't care and feel like i am and i am just faking all this ocd and i agree with it hardcore and all this writing and posting is also bs. get the thoughts like i had a fee today where i felt like i was naturally noticing the girl... and a dream where i wanted to be with one and when such things happen how am i not supposed to believe them like my ocd or whatever it is it is better now and get a few thoughts here and there and i am so tired i just don't want to engage with them and then i think if i am being so okay with the uncertainty of maybe maybe not and people on the other hand have so much problem then it might me that i always was what i am denying and i am writing this so easily too that means its not ocd right?!? Cause why would i be so okay and now more specifically be okay with the maybe maybe not idea!!! That should take time it means it was always like this thats why its easy to accept?!! Idk what to do!!?! I feel i am faking it all and the thoughts have started to feel like a part of me and i get it and don't pay attention like anyone else from the community wouldn't what does that make me?!? If i feel so natural with them how is it ocd?!

I’VE BEAT HOCD!!!!!!!

just confessed at the worst Damn time I’m so annoyed with myself literally tonight something quite bad happened in my boyfriends family and I call him to confess something from the past and it just really upset him because of what happened and then I called him just to tell him this and I’m so angry with myself I knew it was a bad idea but I was anxious and being selfish to relieve my own anxiety I’m scared I’m going to ruin everything with this. I just need to vent I know it’s all my fault but it’s so hard to live like this sometimes I am so mad at myself for being insensitive and selfish like this. He knows im like this and have ocd and anxiety but idk if he understands the extent of how this controls my brain and how I think and how it’s leads me to act so if he doesn’t break up w me or something I wanna have him read something about it but god I suck for doing this I feel like he deserves way better.

TW I genuinely think ocd just showed me what my real identity is that I never noticed all these years. Now why even bother talking to a therapist when the thoughts are true. I think I just liked girls and wanted a gf bc of heternormativity but in reality I dont actually like women. It makes sense bc I remember anytime i smoked weed and got really high I couldnt imagine myself having a gf, it sort of felt impossible and you know when youre high you see things differently and more clearly. This is just one proof theres tons more like this. The attraction towards same sex feels too strong and this is when im isolated at home, think id just act on them when I meet people. I believe im just ashamed and embarrassed of being gay and cant accept it which is causing these issues. Idk what Im hoping for locked in my room unable to cope with this depression, anxiety coming here everyday and bothering people who actually have ocd with my stupid posts. Anyways, I wish god would just take my life, my mental health is done for.

I hate hearing love is a choice… when I constantly feel nothing for him… it hurts… when I am loving him it’s like I am faking it and leading him on… I avoid sex completely bc of it… I want to love him like before. I want to cuddle and hold him tightly… it’s everyday now… it’s like if I talk to him about this it’s like I am gonna break up with him… I just want to love him peacefully again. I’ve had mild ROCD for years and NEVER did it feel like this… It’s like I gave into and just want to give up but I know I don’t want to. I know if I leave I will wanna be with him again. It’s like my brain has flatlined when it comes to him…

I feel like crying I’m scared I said nothing more than I would say be happy let myself see it and said nothing more lovely there isn’t anything lovely about girls I don’t like boobs and like I’m scared I don’t want to feel better saying nothing more there isn’t lovely anything lovely about girls in that sense I’m really scared I don’t love girls are like them physically I don’t like anything about them in that sense there’s nothing why would I say more why would I smiles if you better just living yourself or living your life or whatever like that is but that’s not myself I’m scared where is my like there really isn’t a meter isn’t it keep insisting I said I keep saying there really isn’t there Is plenty things more lovely I don’t like girls that I keep why do I keep saying nothing why do I get more stress when I say there’s not when there isn’t anything lovely about girls in that sense Why would I smile why would I have that little niggling thing in the back of my head saying you’d be more happy and I keep smiling and deliberately saying nothing more than there’s nothing I can’t breathe there’s nothing lovely about them like that I’m scared of what I will not be happy with girls I don’t like them I’m not fascinated I don’t like any shape or size of boobs I don’t like them down there and I make faces like I don’t when I like to why do I keep saying nothing anything more lovely I don’t like girls why do I keep saying nothing there’s plenty of things more lovely I don’t like girls there’s nothing lovely about them and now I feel worse saying that but I don’t like girls why do I keep saying nothing anything more I don’t like girls they’re not lovely and that I can’t believe you guys I’m sorry for repeating myself why do I keep saying nothing more why did I smile and act like it to be happy saying I’m scared I act like that is that’s not I don’t know I’m scared I keep saying that that’s not my true self and then say nothing anything is more lovely I don’t like girls there’s nothing I said more anything is more love and good I keep saying all I just simply I don’t like girls I don’t just simply anything I don’t like girls there’s not nothing or anything why do I keep saying nothing anything is more lovely I don’t like girls I’m scared I do I keep nodding rapidly up and down I don’t actually like girls Hey used to be nothing more lovely then guys and I’m talking like that isn’t but I love guys I don’t love girls there’s nothing lovely about them in that sense

Its currently 5 pm, i just woke up. This has been my routine for the last 3 months. Im so embarrassed to go downstairs and face my family man but I just want to keep sleeping, its the only way I can cope with this shitty depression a little but as soon as im up it gets worse. Having ocd about something dosent mean that the thoughts could not be true right? I think thats whats happened to me, I think I have obsessive thoughts but at the same time Im in denial. I want my lïfe to just end man, Im fucking tired, im too confused and anxious to deal with this

Hi Guys I’m wondering if I find a person will he accept my ocd and weird behaviours or is it too hard. How it works in your relationships? Is it possible to find love while having OCD?

I miss who I was before I had OCD so much. It didn’t hit me till I was 25 last year. I was a lot more fun and could actually live in the moment. Now I’m just constantly filled with anxiety and depressed and agitated. I’m praying for all of you that deal with this too because this is no joke :/

Please someone reach out and help me OK this is really bad. I just said something like hot sexy or delicious when women are never any of those things to me before and I kept looking at this woman and I was like no she wasn’t really I like hot sexy delicious guys not girls and girls don’t get like that for me but I don’t like the way I smiled when I suggested otherwise and I have a compulsion to check my bodies responses and I’m scared that when I did there was some amount of discharge. I’m scared I said I must like I don’t like both and I’m scared of the way I smiled saying when women have never been hot sexy or delicious to me I’ve seen rated and X rated shit and I feel strange women are not hot or sexy or delicious to me I’m scared I must be and I don’t wanna embrace that I don’t like the way you’re smiling I don’t like the way I’m focusing on the redness or the sheets or the way boobs stick out has anyone else experienced this? Am I lying to myself is that why making faces like I don’t want I love my guy/Man I’m scared I must and I don’t care if there’s nothing wrong with it I don’t like both sexes I swear! What straight woman says hot sexy or when women are not hot sexy or delicious to me women are never like that so why did that happen and why is there extra activity down there I was looking at the woman’s body and her and her boobs in her stomach I don’t like I said hurt super she’s not sexy I keep saying I can’t breathe you guys please someone help she’s not hot sexy delicious and I’m scared I must be but I’m not in denial and I’m not bisexual

My therapist I was seeing for ERP severely betrayed my trust (not OCD-related) to the point where I don’t feel comfortable seeing him anymore. I want to continue ERP but am now very wary seeking therapy due to the levels of comorbid care that I need never being fully met. Does anyone have any resources or experience doing ERP by themselves and improving?

Hi there, I am new to this forum and it is great to get some of my feelings out there. I have been struggling with OCD for 9 years now and I have def come along way. I have gotten treatment but am still struggling to this day. I just got engaged to someone I love and of course my ROCD flared up. So back story: My first feelings of OCD were around relationships, which I later found out was ROCD. My problem started when I had a really uncaring partner who was jealous and controlling. He started to question me about what I was doing with other guys when we weren't together and just didn't trust me but this distrust was unwarranted. I was never doing anything wrong but for some reason, I started to doubt myself. He would ask me if I had flirted with anyone and I would say no. I love you, but then I would go back and check and re-visit any moment when I interacted with a guy and then I would question if I did actually flirt with him. It started small with silly things like this but then it became much worse. It became a huge issue as I was feeling the need to confess to him any time I might have done something he didn't like. I knew what I was doing was totally irrational but I couldn't stop myself from confessing and then he would get mad and would validate my reason for confessing which would make me feel relieved that I was being honest. This would create a cycle of confessing and validating. Obviously, this is not a healthy way to interact but this went on for months until he broke up with me because I was just confessing everything and my self esteem just plummeted. I had no idea I had OCD at the time and it was super traumatizing. Since then, I have dealt with this fear of disappointing or doing something my parter wouldn't like in every single relationship. I have just learned to cope. What is hard now is that I can never figure out if my oversharing/confessions are coming from a place of true openness and vulnerability or my OCD compulsions. I tend to close down and I try not to share because I know it can snow ball into a much bigger issue and my need to confess will grow. Anyways, I am curious if there is anyone else out there that struggles with this type of situation. I want to be open with. my partner (fiance) but I need to get my thought process back in check. Thanks for reading.

How not to be afraid of OCD coming back after you recover? I've already done that, but I can't find strength to do it again.