Welcome to
the NOCD Community

I had a dream in which I’m sexually assaulting my little brother and justifying it and explaining to him that there is nothing wrong with it and i did not feel bad in the dream i am so scared

Wow really sucks when you get no replies, is it because people think Im gay now or bc i posted too much? either way i had it coming bc I wouldve done the same thing. Its just frustrating. Why couldnt have I gotten covid and passed away? Or some terminal illness with weeks to live? God, d3ath seems so bloody peaceful every mintue Im awake. I hope no other hocd sufferers end up like me. Dont flag this ffs

[Vent] Feeling very tired… I have a bit of a mixed bag of themes that like to tag in and out of my mind if not tangling with each other. I’ve been dealing with it for about 3 years now and it’s effected me to varying degrees that whole time. In the beginning especially, or with the surfacing of a new theme it would be so distressing to me. I’ve been to very dark places a few times over the years, hanging on by just about a thread more than once. Right now I’m thankfully doing better, but am also feeling concerned with this sort of… I guess “emotional blunting” with the biggest themes I have; especially in regards to my more taboo themes. Logistically, I know I’m just exhausted and drained from all the stress in regards to OCD and micromanaging my own behavior and thoughts almost every waking moment of my life. Probably also just desensitized to being so disturbed and scared after feeling that way just about everyday all day for 3 solid years. But god, it still it getting to me. I can still feel it even though it feels buried under this numbness. I’m aware of this feeling, though OCD continues to do what it does best, I suppose. It tells me I feel this way because I want to, that I’m a bad person, that I wouldn’t preform my compulsions of it wasn’t real, that I don’t have OCD, that I don’t or no longer belong in these spaces because this time it’s different, that OCD has just been my cop out all this time, That people have suffered for way longer and still get super anxious with their themes (this is an awful one.) or that I have desires and urges that I don’t really want or have. And it’s using my inability, or better yet, my exhaustion of emotion or willingness to fight back as much against me as it’s proof. I think something that fuels this is people always talk about how anxious they feel and how OCD leaves them in such a state of high alert and darkness. We’ve all been there, I think that’s pretty much the whole point of OCD lol and it is truly awful. But I also rarely, if ever, see anyone talk about if they eventually hit this wall of just feeling almost nothing… they don’t have it in them to fight back this time, they can’t seem to get a rise out of themselves as strong as one before, or apparently can’t seem to feel as guilty as they did once before. But it feels involuntary, like you just don’t have the fire in you to do it anymore. Like you have given up and OCD won and you are what you are and you’re not sure how to feel or what to do anymore. It hurts and you hate it so much but you also feel like a beaten horse and you just have to deal with it now. You still have all the symptoms and compulsions as you did before but it feels mindless and you don’t know if you can even call it what it actually is as being OCD anymore. idk I just kinda wanted to write out my recent feelings in hopes someone might relate to it. I’m worried that I may have lost (whatever that means) or maybe my OCD was all a lie this whole time or at least this time, even though I know that’s a common fear. Maybe this was partially written as trying for reassurance that this has been OCD all along, all this time and I’m just sitting at a low point but I’d also hope that since this doesn’t seem to be talked about much, maybe someone else can read it too and know they’re not alone either. Hope everyone is well 💜

Christians and ERP question: My OCD revolves around religion (Christian) and harm, often tying them together with arbitrary scriptures from the Old Testament. My compulsions are usually answering the questionable passages with things that help me resolve the uncertainty of the passage and how it relates to me. My therapist wants me to do exposures of reading these scriptures without finding the answers through research or even my own logic. Just let the question be there. This is so very hard because it threatens to pull my faith out from underneath me if I don’t answer it. Some of the questions are so anxiety-provoking because they are Old Testament laws of wrath and punishment. I know all the Christian answers to these, and I could easily answer it. Sometimes this will bring relief, other times it won’t. So, my challenge is simply not answering it, which then leaves me in a state of deep confusion. Anyways, since these are questions many people have and struggle with that don’t have OCD, I wonder how this can be OCD?? I’ve had OCD in other themes (HoCD, harm ocd), but this just seems so different because they are valid and legit questions and I just want to resolve them! Anybody have any insight into this?

Had my first NOCD therapist meeting today. He said the ERP normally only results in 35% reduction in symptoms or whatever. I feel like that seems a little low compared to what I’ve read. Also there are some therapist like Ali Greymond that say 100% recover is possible. I think that’s a little unrealistic as well, but I would hope it’s more than 35%

Hi! I’m Alyssa, I’m 22. I’ve been a perfectionist for as long as I can remember but I thought it was just a quirk about me, and also something that would assist my ambition in getting me where I needed. I am not very *organized* or *clean* per say, so OCD is never something I considered for myself. I recently confronted my anxiety about the future with my CBT therapist (who I love) and took a hiatus because I was doing a lot better. Basically, I am obsessed with things happening just the way I expected them to, having my reality completely aligning with my hopes and dreams. Otherwise I can’t feel peace. I’ve been with the same person for about 15 months now, and every single thing about him and us is lovely. However, I keep feeling doubts and crippling anxiety about our future together. I feel like I need to find this certainty and unbounded contentment with him. Isn’t that how you “know”? That’s the construct of love and marriage I created for myself at some point in my life. I’ve had no one in my family get divorced and the pressure of living up to that expectation makes it so hard to move forward with a marriage. I can’t make the wrong move, but how do I *know*? It’s a lot of unreasonable pressure on my sweet oblivious boyfriend. I feel like I betray him every time I see him because what if I don’t love him the way he loves me? I don’t feel contentment. I keep googling and googling looking for confirmation that, no, this IS normal. Or I immediately rush to a trusted friend to assure me of how great we are together. These intrusive thoughts have been ruining my time with him and I feel compelled to end it just to feel the temporary relief that comes with it. I almost did once, but I couldn’t go through with it when considering the gaping “him”-shaped hole it would leave in my life. Fast forward to me discovering the anxiety love coach podcast on spotify. I never knew that relationship OCD existed and I have never felt so seen or validated. I am hopeful now that I can soothe these future-related invasive thoughts and be happy in my healthy relationship.

It feels like I don’t find the male body attractive at all anymore but what’s worse is that I never really payed attention to body before this at least not look wise. I still found a guy with a great body good looking, but I was more interested in the way a guy smelled, how nervous I would get around him, his warmth and how nice it felt to lean against a biggest smooth chest. What’s worse is I feel like I find my partner ugly now even though before I loved being near him and hugging him and touching him and kissing him, it’s true I didn’t really pay much attention to his looks but I still thought he was the most beautiful boy and I still wanted to be near his body but I feel like I’m lying when I say that. I’m going insane with all these stupid thoughts. I feel doomed.

Anyone have any tips for quitting watching porn? Realized how bad and fucked up it is, and with OCD its just an unnecesarry habit

Hey everyone trigger warning about intrusive thoughts and pocd this is just a little rant I need to get out My intrusive thoughts just keep getting worse and worse, I have to shake my head and clench my teeth to stop them, being quarwntined has just made it worse I can’t look at anyone who could be perceived as female or younger than me without my mind sexualising every part of their body I hate it so much it’s tearing apart my morals and my mind , I can honestly feel my mind slipping. I want to get better so badly but there’s still a week or more until my weekly sessions start and I don’t even know if they will help enough, I want to live happily and not suffer and do all the things I loved.

does anyone else catch themselves accidentally staring at people in the wrong places as in their private areas? i hate this so fucken much. i have no thoughts when doing it but when i realized i looked i feel irritated and frustrated bc i feel like im a bad person or something. i feel like it’s a never ending battle with ocd.

I want to apologize for my last post I honestly didn’t know and I feel horrible. I really meant no harm I promise. I have been told to say that over calling someone the other. I apologize

Can anyone with a vagina help? It's my birthday. I went to go to the toilet and my underwar was wet. It soaked through to both sides. And it was the whole area of the underwear. I feel I would have felt if I peed myself..I did need the toilet but I held it in talking to a friend. I just changed my underwear and trousers and got into bed. But I feel so gross. Its my 20th...i wanted to start this decade off right but I just want to cry and have a shower and wash everything. Could it just be discharge? I've googled it and I've seen nothing on discharge like that. I feel so gross. Do I need to wash everything tomorrow morning? I'm having friends over. I don't know what to do... this is only my luck. I wanted to start this birthday off well. But I did compulsions smelling the underwear and feeling my old pajama trousers to see if they got wet.. Why am I so gross ... :(

Any thoughts/experiences on Zoloft currently on 50mg and have seen great reduction in symptoms but having a flare up and still have more anxiety then would like has anyone found improvement moving to 75 or 100mg? I suffer mainly from ROCD, real event OCD and Pure O

Hi, so I'm struggling at the moment with existenal ocd... where i keep thinking how do I now anything or anyone is real... to the point even typing this I think how do I know this group and the people in it are real etc, also things like how do I even know my thoughts are real, what are thoughts etc etc... is this normal with existenal ocd? Also then with harm ocd it doet of mixes into it.. like.. what it none of this is real then what difference does it make if I were to harm someone.. then I panic and think how do I know I'm not gna going to or even start believing everything might not be real and go crazy etc? All sounds abit nuts I know but its the only way I can explain it... is this sort of thing normal with Existenal ocd? I'm trying my hardest not to gel with the thoughts as best I can etc.. and I'm not looking for reassurance... but will this ever go away?

Two days ago we were on our way to a museum walking on a stairway when I saw a girl wearing leggings walking in front of me, and idk why but | involuntarily (I hope it was) glanced at her butt. I initially thought she was a girl about my age or older but it turned out to be much younger. I found myself looking at her a few times hoping that she wasn't a c**** and that I just had mistaken her, but I ultimately realised that she was a c**** and that I had looked at a c**** b*tt. What if this is a proof that I'm a p***? If this was OCD I'd have just ignored it after the first time I realised that she was a c****, but no, I glanced at her repeatedly.

Today i broke up with my boyfriend because my ocd got so bad asking myself if i actually loved him. i feel so upset as i still what to be with him but feel i can't if i'm not sure how i feel. even though we've broken up i still don't know how i feel and hope i that we can get back together if i figure out i do love him. however i may never know how i feel, am i just giving myself false hope? is breaking up with him itself a compulsion? it all is so painful i still care about him a lot

Any tips to help with intrusive thoughts like “what if I’m better without my bf because these thoughts will do away “ “what if it’s not a right relationship “ But deep in my heart I cannot let him go I care and love him sm when I break down and have these spirals I’m able to know so fast this is what I want but when it’s a regular day I wake up and it’s starts all over he said “baby don’t put time into these thoughts “ but how am I supposed to not put time into them when they are circling my head then I had a stupid dream about an ex and I know u can’t control dreams so the dream doesn’t mean anything but it hurts and I feel so guilty and it makes me think does it mean I don’t love him or shouldn’t be with him . Just need tips to help me through this .

Can OCD manifest in physical sensations around the body? it’s making me feel bothered this morning , it’s like my stomach is burning but I don’t know if it’s something OCD is producing or some other stuff like diarrhea

Hi I’m curious if this happens to anyone. I’d wake up early like 4 am and try to go back to sleep but random thoughts come to my mind - sometimes I remember sometimes I don’t. I can hear myself think sometimes and then I just couldn’t go back to sleep anymore. Before having depression and anxiety, I never noticed this but now I do.

Hi, is journaling good for OCD? I would love to journal but obviously don’t want to feed into my rumination. Any tips would be helpful, thanks.