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the NOCD Community

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it is easy to get lost in the envy of people who aren't suffers of ocd. i have lost myself in said envy plenty of times. i think what's important is that our experience of life as people who struggle with ocd may be harder than some, but it's an experience nevertheless, it needs to be cherrished and appreciated as much as your ocd brings you down. you're all fighters, and i'm proud of everyone who is still here in the year 2022. much love -<3

I’m just interested to know what approach to ERP people think is the most effective. I know that NOCD and many other therapists like to use hierarchy and a lot of on purpose exposures, but I’ve found disregarding OCD thoughts I naturally have and not responding to them to also be very effective, and I think it makes a lot more sense than the methods therapists use. Does anyone else share that opinion?

Ok so I’m not someone that normally smokes weed but I have every once in a while and last night I did and it made my OCD so incredibly bad and feel so incredibly real I was having such a hard time. Weed makes my anxiety bad in general, and now I like for sure know that I shouldn’t smoke because it always ends up with me having panic attacks. Am I alone on this?? Like I know it’s only for some people but whenever I do it everything feels real.

My intrusive images have gone away but now every day I feel anxious and cannot stop thinking about “if my intrusive thoughts” come back. It’s almost like I’m having anxiety about anxiety 😞. Been struggling for almost two months and just started medication yesterday for the first time. Will this constant anxious feeling and thinking about it all day everyday ever go away? Really struggling today.

Anyone else dealing with SOOCD feel like their intrusive thoughts must be real deep down and even though they bring you so much distress it’s almost like your brain is convincing itself that they have to be true and they are actually who you are and what you want? I am a straight female and when I think about the fact that I know I could never act on being with another woman and have only ever been in love with men, it’s like my mind is saying that I was faking it with the men and have always really been gay. I’ve also spent so much time ruminating that my mind has rewritten so many scenarios where I know I did not have intrusive thoughts and is making me feel like I actually was having those thoughts. I feel so numb because everything is such a trigger for me right now, and when I see a guy that I think is attractive, my mind is like “nope you don’t actually think that because you are not straight” which is messing with my head so bad because it’s making me feel like my thoughts must actually be true. I want to be with men and only men but every time I try to remind myself of that my brain tells me that I am lying and have never actually felt attracted to men. I just want to go back to feeling normal and being able to admire qualities in women without feeling like it means I am romantically attracted to them and without feeling like it means I do not like men

Of course I'm scared to ask this but I feel like I could feel a bit better with people that have been through the same thing, I haven't been diagnosed yet because my parents are scared of doctors or therapist telling me I'm crazy or something and they really support me but they are trying to do it on their own. What I think I have is Harm OCD and It's really interfering with my life as I'm trying to get through school but when these scary thoughts pop up constantly, my severe anxiety just kinds of kicks in right away and so I took it upon myself to recently book a free call secretly. I'm a Christian and have absolute faith but sometimes I think God wants to speak to us through other people or his "helpers/angels" and so I pray things will work out and I'll get better! It's gotten pretty bad since as a child I always played action games and watched action and horror movies and had no clue Id be insanely scared of all of it years later. I've gotten scared to the point where I was reading the OCD page and read the part where it said violent offenders are gratified by these thoughts and I got scared of this thought that maybe I'm secretly enjoying the thoughts but quickly pushed that away since it's quickly ruined my life by making me stay away from people and anything like knives and tools since I'm horrified to have thoughts when I look at them and even scared to be next to my parents or siblings so that thought got pushed away since I'm for a fact not gratified and instead scared, horrified, worried and other things too. I'm even scared of violence and blood now to the point where I'm exhausting myself everyday trying to thing of something to calm me and getting reassurance from my parents. I'm a teen and going to be old enough to move out pretty soon and don't want my life to be ruined because of this since I love my family and was an easy going guy and always had fun and laughed and was a good person. I would like to hear people's recovery stories. Thank you for reading this long paragraph since I could let out my worries finally!

tw for self harm i want to stab myself so bad for what i almost did but i don’t want to scare my mom this is all my fault

Hi everyone, so I was wondering if you could help me understand what is going on since I’m finally seeing a new therapist and I want to open up more about this. But basically I always have thoughts of harming myself even though I don’t actually want to, and it just gives me comfort to keep thinking about it especially when I become overwhelmed. Like it’s several times a day. I know that’s not good and I really try to avoid it, but I can’t control it. Is that what others experience with harm/ suicidal OCD? It’s just really annoying and I don’t want to end up being involuntarily hospitalized if my new therapist takes it the wrong way because the last time I was in patient was just awful 😞 but I really need to get this out because it’s really hard to keep going back to it and I just feel like my mouth is so shut but my brain is constantly on fire. I just want it to stop!!

It’s very hard for me to open up about my OCD but I think it’s time. At least just a little bit. I am 5 months postpartum and I’ve been dealing with postpartum OCD for 5 months now and it’s been the worst thing I’ve ever had to go through. I always considered myself to be this loving and caring person. I’ve always been an emotional person, too. I always try to be nice to everyone. I never judge anyone. I always try to help out and do my part. I can never NOT donate. I always try to be there for others and I have a hard time saying no. (Just to give you a little in-site of who I am) POSSIBLE TRIGGER WARNING I always had anxiety, at least for the last 10 years I would say. Turns out I had OCD for a long time but didn’t know. Growing up, I was terrified of death but I think that is something most people experience? Then I was terrified of my parents dying. Eventually, that went away though I catch myself in deep thought about it every now and then. In high school, I was terrified of cancer. I’m sorry if that’s triggering for anyone. I know it’s a serious illness and shouldn’t be thrown around lightly. I went through a phase where I was severely worried I had it to the point I believe I made myself sick. I was convinced I had it. I was constantly googling, wanting to go to the Doctor for every little thing, wanting to have blood work done more than regularly, asking my family for reassurance. In 2018, I experienced intrusive thoughts for the first time. Mean intrusive thoughts towards a loved one while away on vacation. Thoughts that began with “I wish” and “I hope” it was quite terrifying. As hard as it is for me to admit, it was regarding illness. I remember crying in the shower and wanting to sleep constantly just so I wouldn’t have the thoughts. I eventually just had to keep reminding myself that I didn’t want those bad things to happen and shortly after we got home those thoughts went away. Eventually that went away. I still had them here & there towards different loved ones but I could easily let them go. Also in 2018, I started to experience what I know now to be Hit & Run OCD. This started out of nowhere after hitting a curb. From that point on I was terrified of hitting a pedestrian and not knowing. Sounds silly right? It would take me 30 minutes to get to work when it should only take me 10. Driving at night time? Ha, forget it. I was told that I was just being paranoid. Same thing when I experienced Health Concern OCD back in high school. My Hit & Run OCD is not nearly as bad as it was prior to having my baby. I’m assuming it’s because I’m now experiencing postpartum OCD. I still turn around to check every so often, but not nearly as much as I used to. I was fine during my entire pregnancy. I didn’t have 1 intrusive thought. I was paranoid about certain things when it came to the health of my pregnancy and unborn baby but nothing out of the ordinary. I’m lucky to be able to say I had a great labor and delivery, even pregnancy. I always wanted to be a mom and to start a family. I always considered myself very grateful to be able to carry & grow a baby. I remember holding my little baby in the hospital and just crying while starting at her. My husband asked me what was wrong and I said “I just love her so much.” There were a few stressful days after being home due to breastfeeding. Baby was having a difficult time latching. I was upset of course because 1. I was determined to breastfeed & 2. I wanted my baby to eat. I remember crying at the pediatrician because I was genuinely worried about my baby. Little did I know I was about to get hit with something so life changing. A few days after we were home from the hospital I experienced my 1st intrusive thought out of the blue. It was while I was holding a piece of string and the thought scared the crap out of me. I tried to let it go. I couldn’t. The more I questioned and thought about it the more frequently the thoughts came. It was horrible. I remember taking my baby’s week old photos with this terrible pit in my stomach because I was so disturb by the intrusive thoughts. I thought to myself “I need to think about anything else other than these horrible images. Anything has to be better than this.” Well, next thing I knew I was having terrible intrusive thoughts that started with “I wish” towards my baby. My little baby. My baby that I always wanted and loved and cared about so much (still do of course). How can I look at my baby and think to myself “I hope” something bad. “I wish” something bad. Again, this is what happened to be back in 2018 but it didn’t hit me THIS hard. I don’t mean to have these thoughts and they’re the complete opposite of how I truly feel. But I feel like I’ve been obsessing over them for so long now (5 months to be exact) it’s all I think about. I get triggered so easily. It’s like my mind can grasp onto anything and turn it into an intrusive thought. It’s not only happening towards my daughter either, it can happen towards literally anybody and it scares me. It’s made me question who I am as a person. It’s made me feel like I wouldn’t care if something were to happen. It’s made me think I actually want these things to happen. It’s very debilitating. I can even have the thoughts towards myself. I just want to feel like my old self again. I feel like I don’t get upset over things anymore or happy about other things. I love my daughter and I love being her mom. I wouldn’t trade this for the world despite what I’m going through. She makes me so happy. I enjoy being with her. I want to and I’m determined to get better for her no matter how long it takes. I also am hopeful for more children. The hardest part is feeling alone. Feeling like I’m the only person on this planet who experiences the thoughts I experience everyday all day. The intrusive thoughts that have taken the most toll on me are the ones that are mean and start with “I wish” “I hope” “I want” and “I don’t care” that can be related to illness and/or something bad happening so if anyone experiences those or can relate to any of this please share. This has made me feel like a complete monster and so lonely and very hopeless at times. If you made it this far I appreciate you. This was hard to write and sadly I feel like there’s so much more I could say but I would be here for hours. Even if this post goes unnoticed it felt so good to vent a little and share part of my story. ❤️

I get scared I’m just not being myself. Like anything I pick out at a store I wonder if I actually like it or I’m just pretending to be someone I’m not and that’s why I “like it” idk if this makes sense but I keep feeling like it lately when I’m wearing things that I do genuinely like, I obsess over the fact “what if I only like it because I’m wanting to be someone I’m not.” And it feels like I’m just always lying about who I am ahhh!!

For Christians with scrupulosity, have any of you made a pretty intense hierarchy and be willing to share? My therapist challenged me to build one that increases in intensity and suggested having my palm read, visiting a Wiccan church, and other things. She said only do what I’m comfortable doing. I want to be tough and challenge my anxiety, But I’m more comfortable with imaginable exposure like script writing so far.

I've read people with OCD shouldn't trust their intuition. Does that mean I am adviced to keep analyzing if my intuition tells me not to?

All of this happened to me after i started to be very interested about sex. I was reading different articles on the internet, things on wattpad, even started to watch p*rn. And i was feeling aroused when looking at girls, and at first, i didn't think much about it, but after some months, i was talking to a girl about lgbt and the question popped in my head: what if i'm bi? It seemed stupid at first, because i had crushes only on boys in my life, but i started to remember these details and i got very anxious. I can't explain why i get aroused when i look at naked girls, maybe i'm subconsciously putting myself in their place, maybe i just associate it with something sexual, because i don't want to do anything with the girls i see. In that period, i started to get thoughts not only about girls, but about pedophilia, bestiality..it was horrible, and i feel like now it's all coming back. I remembered that some years ago i watched on youtube some videos of dogs mating and i don't know if i felt aroused, but i looked with curiosity...this disturbed me a lot at the moment and even now when i'm writing it i feel horrible, i'm trembling, i feel gross.. I don't understand my sexuality, it seems like everything sexual arouses me, or i don't know. But i feel ashamed to talk about this stuff with my therapist or my parents, i told them just the less shameful things. I don't know what to do. Do i have some sexual or hormonal disease? Am i a crazy creep? It's even worse that i'm disgusted with myself and i don't want to express these thoughts with anyone.

So many “what ifs” 😫 and so many false feelings of it being real ahhh

My therapist said to be that she wasn’t sure if I have ROCD on my call to her yesterday and now I feel really anxious! I love my boyfriend I desperately want things to work out between us but my obsession is I worry that I’m not attracted to him like the spark is missing. The more I get to know him the closer I feel to him and I adore him. No he’s not my usual type and I think In the beginning this held me back getting close to him as I had a very strict idea of what I wanted and I would always discount anyone who fit didn’t fit that type without getting to know them (shallow yes)! But with him I’ve fallen in love with non superficial things but this past idea of ‘type’ is stopping me from being completely vulnerable as I think I’ve conditioned myself to believe it’s wrong as it isn’t the person I imagined myself being with in my head. Like if things are going well I tell myself ‘ don’t fool yourself you’re only going to hurt him in the long run cause he’s not your type deep down.’ I worry about what other people will think , like I worry about people making negative comments about him and I hate that I care about that. I’ve always cared what other people think of me too much and now I’ve projected this onto my boyfriend. In the past I’ve never properly loved someone as I always selfishly picked someone who I thought looked good next to me kind of thing , I haven’t had many serious relationships where I’ve shown my true self it’s been all about flirting and proving to myself that I was good enough to be with that person to be honest. With my boyfriend it’s so different we know each other so well we have so much in common and I just need some advice now :(

I don’t know what to do because I want to stop imagining scenarios/checking but I feel like if I force myself to stop doing that, then I’m in denial? Like I’ll start to think ‘you’re trying not to think about it because you don’t want to acknowledge it’. Does that make sense? Or like my tiktok feed right now is just full of lgbt content because I use it all as a means of checking, and I don’t want to do it anymore but I feel like if I don’t watch them, I’m purposefully avoiding because I’m in denial or something. I want to scream.

Has anyone else with SOOCD found themselves mentally reviewing literally every interaction they’ve ever had with the sex that their OCD is telling them they are attracted to rather than the want they want and know themselves to be attracted to?? I am a straight female and ever since my OCD flared up about two months ago I have spent every minute of every day ruminating over past experiences and my mind has convinced me that I was attracted to virtually every female figure in my life, even though I have never actually acted on any of these presumptions. Likewise, my brain is pushing away all of the actual memories I have of being in love with past boyfriends and having crushes on guys. Now, when I see a girl anywhere I freak out and automatically assume I’m attracted to them, even though the thought of being gay makes me sick to my stomach and is never something that I want to act on. And also, when I see any guy that I find attractive, I will acknowledge that I find them attractive but it’s like my mind is telling me I’m faking it because I must actually like women. These thoughts are so incredibly painful because I feel like my attraction to men is fading away even though I only ever want to be with men in the future. I feel like I’m numb to everything and it’s making the anxiety soso much worse. Anyone who can relate or provide any advice would be greatly appreciated.

If I see a guy at school who I find attractive I can imagine myself doing things with him and I enjoy the thought but if he posts a shirtless pic then I feel like I don’t like his figure as much anymore and like I wouldn’t actually enjoy doing things with him. I’m scared this a sign

How to stop ruminating without distracting yourself?