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Why do we have these thoughts what causes them when it comes to harming ?

Any advice on how to not have panick attacks in the middle of the night ? I keep waking up with massive anxiety to start my day once I get to school I'm fine I still feel off . But how do I not let my ocd get to that point ? I listen to anxiety music and took a natural supplement but it doesn't seem to help

Please don't read this post if you're feeling very low and starting to recover. I got triggered by the comments and the chat of a video about intrusive thoughts from HealthyGamerGG, a mental health platform on yt. The video was about a post published on reddit by someone who had pocd, that talked about ****philic thoughts, and while dr K is amazing and offered an insight about how our brain works, the chat immediately judged this person, saying that it was too far. Everytime the word **** was pronounced felt like a gunshot. https://youtu.be/pj8AEjNE6VY Is this our cruel fate? To be inevitably judged and demonized by others because they can't understand our condition? Everyone, including ourselves, sees us as monsters. We didn't choose to be born like this. Pocd is doomed to be misunderstood and demonized. Even that mental health community doesn't want anything to do with us. That community was literally built around mental health, composed by people seeking for help and advices for their own struggles, helping each other overcoming that, but when it came to this, they didn't hesitate to judge. This made me realize that we are rejects, outcasts. I can't even blame them, if I didn't experience ocd at first hand I might have been judgemental too. Some of the comments threads failed to grasp the essential point of ocd: they just started talking about the topic of ****philia, it seemed like they didn't care to make/didn't understand the fundamental difference between a **** and someone with pocd and it triggered me, because I might as well as be in denial, I'm not even diagnosed. They were using intrusive thoughts and ********* as synonyms. The worst thing you could do is compare a person who has pocd to a **** and the comments were full of that, not grasping the very concept of intrusive thoughts. That they are unwanted. I was at the verge of crying. I don't know why but I wanted to go on a rampage, I knocked down my chair, threw some objects, and repetitely punched my door until I peeled a little of my skin. I even thought about cutting myself, I took the knife and pressed it against the shoulder, but I didn't have the courage to do it. I turned off the light, put on my earphones and sitted on my chair. And I got immersed in my thoughts. Then I layed down on the floor. Some hours passed where I didn't do anything. Just thinking. But I'm calm now. Why, of all the themes that my ocd could have been, did it have to be about the thing that I despise and fear the most? The most unforgivable thing for society from a moral standpoint? Even murder can be forgiven, but this theme is just deplorable, unforgivable. Even being a victim to pocd it's a guilt itself. It doesn't matter how many times I try to go around it, preaching for mental health, empathy, forgiveness and solidariety, it doesn't change the real nature of my thoughts: they're unforgivable and disgusting, and so I am for being born like this. I was just deluding myself into even thinking there was a glimpse of hope. I'm just a defective machine and I should never have been born.

Can’t hold down food. Taking my lorazepam on top of my other meds so that I don’t have the post breakup panic attacks I’ve been getting in the morning and also so I have an appetite. I am being careful with my dosing so I don’t become dependent but I’m afraid I’ll need the benzos long term. This breakup was like the final straw in my mental health. I got back up so many times after trauma and I just get knocked back down even harder. How many more lessons do I need to learn in life before happiness comes? I’m currently on short term disability from work for mental health but I can’t even imagine myself going back right now. I can’t even handle doing a simple zoom call with colleagues.

I have gained my weight 5kg this two weeks what should i do. All day im on bed and its hard to get up.

is it possible to fully recover from harm ocd? And do a lot of people do it. Feeling hopeless 😞

I need some advice please someone read this and tell me anything I can do to make things easier and to get help just started trying medications again for my ocd and depression I’m on ssi I’m already non functioning I was prescribed clomipromin 4 days on 25 milligrams then a week on 50 milligrams then the doctor switched me to 50 milligrams of Luvox I took the Luvox for 2 days and was prescribed to break the 50 in half so those 2 days on Luvox I only took 25 milligrams each day and I got immediately sick extremely nauseous completely bed bound even more than I already was wit just my ocd and depression I also have sever anxiety I have anxiety attacks panick attacks I’ve had gerd issues awhile back and had vertigo awhile back that apparently both of those physical sicknesses can be from untreated anxiety and constant worrying and stress all I want is a fucking xanex but you can’t ask for those witout getting shit from the doctors but I’ve stopped the antidepressants is there a reason I was so sick is there a way that only bout 2 weeks of takeing clomipromin and Luvox that it’s affecting me like this please had anyone had any issues wit any kind of medications is there anything I need to no prior to takeing medications I’m bed bound already I’m on ssi I’m overwhelmed wit my ocd anxiety and depression I’m in bed all day and can’t even wake up to call and go to doctor appointments I stay up in bed scared to lay down cause I’m just scared and anxious bout everything please someone just comment something any advice I’m desperate for help but these medications have made me worse I already ptsd trauma round doctors and medications for these kinds of reasons and huge trust issues cause of this shit please wat can I do.

I'm a 35 year old female who was diagnosed with OCD at the age of 13. I have been suffering with this for half of my life now. I've never done Erp therapy or any exposure therapy before. I'm in the process of moving and getting into a new home so the last thing I want to do is try something that's going to put me out of my comfort zone at this time. My anxiety is so far gone at this point I start to shake when I get around people. I wash my hands constantly and I never feel that they are clean. If I get interrupted while washing my hands I start all over again. I also take up the 45-minute showers. Are there any podcasts or therapists or anything that anyone can recommend to help me through a very hard time right now? TIA

Anyone with HOCD watch euphoria? I’m so triggered

2 days ago I've had the realization that my cats have become old, that they have already lived two thirds of their life and that they won't be gone too long from now. My mum said that we have to start being mentally prepared. They've been always with me since I was a kid, I cared about them but I never played too much with them. They're very kind and special cats but I didn't give them what they deserve. I set them aside, I took them for granted, I thought they'd be with me for my whole life. I used to joke with my mum saying that our cats were becoming old, not realizing that they already were. I thought we had more time. I never really experienced death in my life. I've never become an "adult" in that sense. I've never dealt with it. I know that if my cats died now I'd be full of regrets, because I didn't make any "special" memories with them. I'm afraid that once they're gone I won't have enough mediums to remember them, to cherish them. I don't have a lot of meaningful photos or special videos about them, they're all generic, random and scattered somewhere in my phone. There isn't a moment that could capture the specialness of my cats. I want to have special videos about my cats like from the videos of that yt channel called Dodo. It pains me knowing that I won't be able to capture the perfect memory of my cats, in all of their details, uniquenessses, the affection they show us. It's not like an ending of a show, a book or a comic, where you can always relive every moment you want, rewatching from the start. Those things are also remembered by many more people, and because of that they're timeless. But this is is something limited in its form, I don't know how to explain it well. I want to keep and remember everything of their existence. Maybe I want to have proof that there was love. It would also be unhappy, who would want to cerish the memories if it made us sad? I'd be holding the memory of their existences. If I forgot them, they'd be gone for good. And if I died who would remember them? Then they'd be gone for real. I don't know if this has something to do with perfectionism OCD. It hurts. Since then I've been grieving the possibility of my cats dying and I spiraled into gloominess, reflecting about death, our mortality. The meaninglessness of things. I feel a bit blank, and a void in my chest. I don't want my cats to die, but one day, not far away, they will. I can't imagine how I'd feel. I literally can't, I tried.

Just got diagnosed with OCD today. Now I’m doubting/wondering if I actually have it. Or maybe over embellished and am making all of it up for attention. Or maybe I’m not REALLY having intrusive thoughts, or not having them enough. Because I feel like maybe they dwindled down? Idk. What a wonderful loop this is 😂 I thought the diagnosis would help lol!

Hi so I’m back lol uhm I was doing Great feeling healed talked to God n it had came back I hate it I jus wanna get rid of it I don’t have the desire to be with women it like them why is it doin this to me if it’s not socd/HOCD it’s ROCD what has this world come too I would rather have ROCD I hate socd

Hello, everyone. My name is Josephine, and I suffer from Relationship OCD (ROCD). I have previously suffered from HOCD and Contamination OCD. -OCD Timeline- The first Pure O’ OCD subtype I suffered from was Contamination OCD; however, I did not discover I suffered from it while I did (I commenced college and cleansed my mind miraculously; the OCD vanished on its own once I had began college and began to center my mind on my grades), I did last year. Similarly, I did not know I suffered from HOCD for much time, though I did discover later on while I still suffered from it. HOCD was disastrous, alright. It all began with a comment a homosexual acquaintance of mine made regarding an anime character of a animated series she watched on Netflix. Yes, it all began because of a female anime character. It’s duration was of eight/nine months. How did I overcome it? Miraculously once more. The Lord united me with the love of my life ( I insist on calling him all of the names I had given him before ROCD despite being unsure because it helps grant me more certainty, in a way). Naturally, all of my attention was centered on him, thus vanishing the HOCD. It began with a sexual affair in New York City, and it progressed to pure love. I recall just stretching across my bed and shrieking of excitement for seeing him. That was the first stage of love; infatuation (I’ve overcome this love, lust, obsession, crush, infatuation obsession phase). Anywise, I am stressed. Stressed, I say. Yesterday I accompanied my mother and my grandparents to the airport (they decided to pay a visit to our relatives in our homeland) and, coincidentally, the tire exploded. I ringed the road rangers and they were very brief. The man they had sent was very slim and somewhat taller than I was (only two inches), just as my boyfriend. He was unattractive, but it was his figure that reminded me of Michael (my boyfriend). I felt my mind attempted to fool me into believing I was genuinely attracted to him, but, having suffered and overcome OCD previously, I knew these were sheer intrusive thoughts (I am determined to overcome this, as I am in the earliest stage and I refuse to allow ROCD to destroy this love). When I composed myself, I realized I could not even spare to have sex with him (and I’m incredibly hyper-sexual, more than the men of my family, and they have a high libido). Anywise, the issue is I’ve started to question if I’m enamored of his physical appearance. I recall titling him “world’s most beautiful man.” In fact, I genuinely believed he had the most beautiful smile (and I insist on believing that even with the intrusive thoughts present). I do, indeed, feel I am in love with him (the feeling of deep affection), but why don’t I stare at all of his photographies? Why don’t I like all of his haircuts in the pictures? Does this mean I’ve lost the physical attraction? I, too, have the issue about my “type,” as I originally aspired to marry an elder womanizer, and he is just a year older than me and the most chivalrous man. As a matter of fact, when our romance began, I didn’t seem to be attracted or even need to masturbate to the concept of elder men anymore. It all centered on him. My “type” is certainly him now, but could my history with this signify I am destined to be with an elder man and this relationship is just an “young adventure?” Please, help me. P.S I apologize if I wrote any words incorrectly or misused punctuation/grammar. English is not my native language. I am originally from Monaco.

I noticed sometimes when something is too much and i get overwhelmed, i feel a little bit of hopelessnes and a thought comes that says "i want to die" or "theres no point to live" and i imediately notice this and then i feel bad, why i thought this, and then im affraid that these are true feelings(bc i felt them) and i could've do it or in the future i can get really hopeless and i will do it. And this feeds the fire more and more... Did y'all experienced this as harm ocd or this might be a real feeling and i have to be careful??

Why do I lose feelings for guys when they like me back? I cant stop obsessing over this and I really want to let it go. I’ll have a strong crush on them, imagine a potential future, and then if I get an indication they feel the same way it’s like I get cold feet. Feelings of overwhelm, physical anxiety, doubt. This used to be massive fuel for my HOCD and now it feels like evidence for my current obsession that I could be aromantic or asexual. According to social media it’s quite a common thing but surely there’s some explanation for it? It’s so irritating and doesn’t make sense to me and causes me so much distress. It’s such a conflict in that I want to move closer to someone but also my body would be telling me to run for the hills. Anytime I find an explanation for it online I serially doubt it and feel so anxious, like I’ll never figure it out. Please help anyone!

Please help, i feel so trigerred right now. I was on facebook watching some short videos about mental health and one of them was saying that loneliness is bad for you and can cause depression, etc. I have an obsession/fear of loneliness and this triggered me really badly. Also, in the comments of a video about psych wards, people were talking about their traumatic experiences with psych wards. I also searched on the internet and saw the headlines of many articles abt psych wards. Now i am horrified and seriously freaking out. What if i never get better, what if i am sui*idal?? I was also trigerred by a quote that said to be honest with your therapist. One of my obsessions concerns lying and a fear of lying to myself/others. It is also linked to my suicide obsession. So now im completely panicked

I got ocd when I was younger I had alot of rituals they took me hours to do I was riteing and reriteing my homework and going over letters and words and counting and getting that just rite feeling I was also confused on wat was going on wit me I didn’t even understand ocd myself and as all of y’all no some of your ocd ppl can’t see even if they do it doesn’t compare to wats going on mentally so at 1 point when I was younger things were getting worse 1 of the things I struggled wit that was more noticeable that burdened others in my house was takeing 2 hour showers I was doing rituals and getting that just rite feeling and counting and it took me 2 hours to shower and that mite sound relaxing to normal ppl but the water was ice cold I couldn’t just stop and wait for the water to warm up to continue I was stuck in ocd cold water for 2 hours I was scared I was confused I had to plan my life round these 2 hour showers so that ment getting up earlier staying home more spending the entire day getting ready for school I was less motivated to get up and go to school cause I dreaded getting ready and showering not only were the showers takeing long but dressing and doing my hair and other things took even longer so it was takeing me hours to get ready 2 of hose hours was just spent showering things were so hard for me my mom washed my hair for me and my face I stopped brushing my teeth though cause I felt like I could t ask someone to help me brush my teeth to and then avoiding it for so long it became a frear for me if I brushed my teeth something would happen i would try to find ways round not being able to brush them like useing mouth wash and useing baking soda on a qtip but nothing really lasted I was embarrassed to tell anyone plus noone noticed that I wasn’t brushing my teeth cause noones realy round when your doing that and noone new that I was takeing along time to dress and shower and noticeing the wierd rituals even when I gotten better like things not takeing as long I was still doing the rituals I was just able to do them and move on they were like a habit I had to do a certain way but ppl weren’t in the shower watching me and they weren’t standing there while I dressed to notice I was doing rituals still the only thing ppl would notice is if I was takeing a realy long time doing something and if like me takeing 2 hours showers kept others from getting in the bathroom to get ready themselves so the only thing ppl noticed was stuff that interfered wit there life so the first time I got help my parents admitted me into parkridge valley hospital were we all thought they would help me the next day shower time came round and I told them I took 2 hour showers that I couldn’t do it in the time frame they were giveing us patients they all yelled at me told me that’s rediculous I can’t take 2 hour showers there as if I was wanting to take 2 hour showers standing in ice cold water but I was a kid I didn’t understand my ocd at that time but I had this mental hospital doctors yelling at me for my mental illness something I new I didn’t want to do something invisible makeing me stay in the shower and do wat I was doing I thought maybe I’m makeing excuses for myself maybe I can make myself stop showering then I would panick thinking bout not doing rituals being forced to shower normal even rite now typeing this I’m panicking it’s so scary and everyone wit ocd understands the force behind there ocd it’s invisible but strong I was so scared I tried telling them I have ocd that I’m here cause I was showering for 2 hours and needed help to stop like this is the reason I’m here but they were just yelling at me and threatening me and then they punished me for 2 weeks they made me sit in the hallway on the cold tile floor everyday all day they brought my food up to me I wasn’t allowed to tlk to anyone there were a few other misbehaved kids that would get in trouble but we weren’t allowed to tlk I literally sat there just starring my legs and butt started to hurt from sitting cross legged on the cold tile floor for 2 weeks everday I woke up I had to go straight to the hallway and sit if I didn’t take a short shower so that’s wat I did everyday for 2 weeks everday that shower time came round they would yell at me it got worse and worse as the days passed they threatened me that if I didn’t take a shower they would have someone come out me in the shower I not only was being punished but I was being threatened everyday and now that I’m older and have dealt wit abusive bf I no that wat they were doing was abuse they were scareing me everyday I was so scared I can’t even explain I was already sick I was already struggling that’s the reason I was at the hospital and they were trying to threaten the ocd out of me I still can’t understand wat they didn’t just help they had to of been able to do something for me to help me shower like do exposure and response therapy at the time I had no idea that ocd therpay existed I thought it was all medication and regular therpay I had no idea till a couple months ago that ocd is so hard to treat and that there’s help out there spacifically for ocd but surely a mental hospital new bout ocd and new ways to treat it besides scareing me I myself didn’t understand my ocd and thought maybe they just don’t understand it but every week all of us patients had to individualy see the doctor when I saw her she asked me spacific questions bout ocd she new bout rituals and counting and all kinds of ocd stuff that I actually related to and in that moment I new they understood ocd they new it was an illness they new it was sever and they still had those ppl punish me by sitting me in the hallways for 2 weeks I can’t even explain the fear and horribleness of sitting on that fuckign floor scared to death at 15 years old I thought I was actually a uncooperative kid I thought my ocd was makeing me a horrible kid I believed that for many years to and again I’ve been in abusive relationships now and the trauma revolved round mental and verbal abuse is real and it stays wit you it causes ptsd those ppl remind me of abusive exs I’m scared of going to mental hospitals going to doctors and therapists getting on medications I’m scared there gonna do that to me I just panick everytime I get close to getting help I’m scared and the hospital wasn’t the only thing that happened to me so many ppl punished me and gaslit me doctors and therapists were rude and dismissed me and just a couple months ago when a huge ocd trigger happened in my home that affected my contamination ocd I tried getting help again so for 2 months I’ve called my insurance I’ve called inpatient and outpatient places I called and emailed so many ppl and therapists and none of them accept my insurance I’m already on ssi and make 500 something dollars a month I’ve already been struggling for years wit my ocd I no I need help and couldn’t even get it I was doing research on ocd and learned bout exposure and response therpay I learned that there’s ocd hospitals and ocd doctors and ocd therapists I learned that ocd is hard to treat that not all doctors understand ocd all they can do is prescribe medications and regular therapists can’t help that none of the professionals I had seen for the past 15 years that I trusted to help me get better were even helping me they were just giveing me medications that they themselevs didn’t understand ocd and the different kinds of ocd and the cripppling anxiety and panick attacks that come wit it and all the mental shit that goes on when haveing ocd when doing ocd stuff so much mental shit goes on invisible shit in your brain that exhausts you and stresses you out even just sitting can look like sitting but someone wit ocd could be doing mental rituals and haveing intrusive thoughts and raceing thoughts that just sitting is exhausting but that my life shouldn’t of gone the way it did just cause these ppl were ignorant I have no childhood no friends no Partys no school memories no work memories like I’ve not lived a normal life I don’t shower normal I don’t dress normal I don’t do alot of things normal I’ve had to plan my life round my ocd I have to get rest to be able to deal wit my ocd I’ve just struggled and tried getting help from ppl who shouldn’t of been allowed to treat me and shouldn’t of been allowed to do wat they did to me and cause me more trauma and stress now I’m here still suffering and dealing wit everything I’ve been threw and trying to understand the reason these doctors aren’t trained to understand and treat ocd properly and that if they can’t help to refer them to an ocd doctor it should be illegal to treat patients and not inform them of the ocd help that’s out there I’ve had my life ruined by these doctors that have just waisted my time and caused me more issues all I want is help I want medications prescribed by an ocd doctor I want therpay from an ocd therapist I want to get better I want a fucking xanex.

Hi Everyone, I am new to the group and was diagnosed with OCD in December 2021. I struggle with harm and relationship OCD. I have limited social/emotional support from my partner (this is a work in progress) and I am trying to do all I can to heal/recover, so I am posting here on the reccomendation of my NOCD therapist. Although I experienced rumination and obsessive thinking for years, intense anxiety and past trauma brought on intrusive thought symptoms several months ago. This is my first time talking openly in a forum like this about my OCD.

I'm 16, can a relationship at 16 last? I surfed the web and the only thing that the web says is that the relationships at 16 wont last forever, it will only last for maximum 2 years. Can someone please give me tips. Also, i know that feelings come and go in a relationship, but the thing is that my feelings go too often. We are together since 4 months. My honeymoon phase ended after a month or two, after then, the fluctuations of feelings coming and going have been a lot. Please help😔😔😔

Today on my way from work to home, I had terrible panic attack, I felt like crying. My heart was like 160 BPM. And of course my thoughts...I want to believe that this is just POCD, as my therapist said, but I can't. I can't because when I'm in public transport, bus, metro, whatever, and a lot of people around, and childs, I can't understand what do I feel...I this is OCD, why it feels so real, why do I look at young girl and feel like I'm might be attracted, or already attracted, or something else. I feel anxiety at moments like this. Sometimes I just wanna stay home and don't go at work, just not to see childs and young girls...I'm 29, had HOCD before, now I'm having this shit and I want to scream. I always loved adult girls and womans, and everything was normal, but now...everyday I wake up with thought: This is not OCD, you becoming pedophile, If that was OCD, you would not feel like this when you look at children. I can't say that I feel real arousal or attraction, but It makes me think like I do. Help.