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Triggered over Tik tok again ugh

So I was on insta and saw a edit of Kristen Stewart in an old movie she did and she looked young but I didn’t expect for her to be SO YOUNG when she did that movie and when I saw it I was like “omg she’s so pretty like omg” then it showed her in like shorts and slim clothes and I noticed I checked her out and I was just thinking like omg she was soo skinny before and was kinda thinkng she had a nice figure at that time bc I wish I had one like that yk like I wasn’t trying to sexualize her 😭 and then someone commented “my gay awakening” and then someone else responded to that comment saying “ she was 14 in this-“ and now well I feel like I sexualized the actor younger self :( and like a pedo for noticing her body.. bc my abuser was like that too like he would litterally check me out when I was going through puberty and made comments abt me like how I had a nice body and even called me sexy when I was only 11.. now it just feels like I’m doing the same and becoming more and more like him. I wanna cry man idk what’s wrong wit me it’s like I can’t help it anymore lik with the thoughts like denying them bc they feel and seem true :( pls someone help

I read tarot today like in google and god it was horrible it triggered my health and harm ocd 100% I feel so bad

Anxiety dizziness is horrible I swear I feel that everything is in diagonal and I can’t sleep because I feel the whole room is spinning god somebody knows tips for feeling better?? If you go through this we will go out together

I feel like my friends hate me. I feel like my own family hates me. My mom won’t even help me anymore and when I bring up what’s bothering me she gets mad and won’t help me. My friends are getting tired of me and I think they hate me. Everything goes wrong. Everyday feels so dark and scary and my past keeps haunting me and it doesn’t matter what anyone says about how I should forgive myself and not be so hard on myself and I can’t do it. I was so stupid growing up as a teenager and I’m afraid of it being past 18 years old too because of a stupid and embarrassing tickling fetish I used to have and the things I’ve come across because of it during self pleasure and I didn’t know better at the time and also characters in memes and so on that had to do with the fetish and I hate myself and now I feel like everyone should hate me too. I feel like I don’t even deserve to live and that no one would miss me if I were gone. I don’t want to be a monster I never have. I never had bad intentions it was all for a stupid fetish 💔 I’m sorry I just need to vent. It’s been bothering me for years and now I feel so haunted

I’ve struggled with OCD since I was 12. Some body dysmorphia popped up a couple of years later. Now in my early 30’s I have been diagnosed with both. I read they were highly related. When I was twelve my OcD started with a fear of germs and now BDD is driving my OCD right now. I am constantly thinking/fearing troubles on my face and having issues checking/comparing flaws. Driving myself crazy here. It also jumps from my face to a body part. It jumps around but it’s really affecting the quality of my life. Is anyone else struggling with these two disorders together? Were you able to find help?

I feel like every time I get a negative emotion like anxiety or anger or frustration or stress a gross sexual or violent though will automatically generate in my mind and I’m pretty sure I’m doing that on purpose and also flexing my (tmi) vagina muscles every time, this is all day even when I’m working. If I don’t think the bad thought/maybe flex the muscles I feel anxious or something like it’s a compulsion to relieve anxiety, but a bad one. Am I a sicko? I think I flex muscles sometimes as an emotional reaction but is it like sexual AND when I’m thinking those bad thoughts probably intentionally ? But also it could just be ocd or is it some kind of Tourettic ocd or rarer one? I really don’t know what to do or how to help myself

I’m so nervous to start erp with my therapist as I feel it’s truly a lost cause for me and my situation. I’m any case I just want to be able to calm down. I don’t know how to stop feeling so uneasy about this. How do you stop feeling so uncomfortable with yourself and with interacting with other with pocd? I just can’t calm down and focus on anything. I isn’t want to rest existing is so incredibly painful

does anyone else fall into the bad, unhealthy habit of checking old friends that maybe you had a bad (or civil, natural) falling out with? i’ve only ever seen this discussed in the context of stalking ex partner’s social medias. for me, i have a lot of trauma from past friendships that were toxic and for some, straight up abusive. and yet, sometimes i still catch myself looking at their tik toks or vscos like trying to see who “won”? ofc social media is such a carefully edited and fake image we put out of ourselves to make us seem more interesting or cool. but i cant help but feel inferior and sometimes i obsess over if i was truly the problem/was the bad guy/made all of the issues i had w them up. anyone else get this?

My ocd makes me feel like I’m a shitty person, like I’m worse than other people and in a dark times like maybe it would be better if I wasn’t existing (I’m not gonna commit suicide don’t worry it’s just a feeling)… idk maybe I’m just looking for support and also coping advice Like I always hear/see the statement “people with ocd are usually very kind and sensitive and would never do any harm knowingly” and then I’m like maybe I’m worse than most people with ocd because I’m not that kind I can be quite irritable and angry and I feel pretty bad about myself

hi. i have been dealing with the worst rocd episode to date. i’ve been with an amazing man for almost 2 years. i flirted around and dated one person in high school. i entered my first long term relationship in 2020 when i was 18. I was never the party type. I always liked having a close knit group of friends and having intimate gatherings. two weeks ago i saw a post about how relationships in your 20s dont last and that your 20s are for dating around. that sent me into a spiral and i felt that i had to date around or i was doing something wrong. after tears on both ends he allowed me three months to date around and bate a decision. i tearfully downloaded tinder and swiped left on everyone. i called him back that same night and sobbed begging for us to not do this break thing because i knew that’s not what i really wanted. since then i’ve had days of clarity where I know I don’t want anyone else. when we are together, i feel at peace. but when we’re apart i’m back to spiraling. this is the worst episode i’ve had to date and mind you i’ve had cheating ocd, false memories, and compulsive confessions in the past. I keep giving into the compulsions to look at articles about how young relationships are destined to fail they don’t make me feel good at all. I don’t want reassurance, just want to know how people move past these flare ups. any advice is greatly appreciated please.

Sometimes I have so much that I want to do (cleaning, exercise, hobbies, etc) but OCD makes it so hard to have energy...especially when I'm practicing not doing compulsions! Does anyone have any tips for making it easier to do everyday activities when you aren't feeling mentally great?

Hi ... so im suffering with relationship ocd... my partner is the best and I love her to bits... but I'm constantly checking my attraction towards other women to see how attracted to them I am and constantly imaging that if I were put in a situation (erotically) where I had to say yes or no to cheating would i 100% be able to say no? And then I'm not sure if I could... (this is all Purley based on attractiveness) which scares the crap outa me!! And sometimes I feel.like I'm more attracted to some other women rather than my partner (physically) and question if this is normal? Is it? Is this relationship ocd? :( :(

Man I feel like my ocd has getting better but worst at the same time. It’s weird to explain but the thoughts don’t give as much anxiety as they used to but now I’m struggling with the intrusive thoughts. It’s ruining my life cause when I try to pray or even read Bible I get the worst thoughts and images and I hate it cause I genuinely love and respect god but my thoughts would say otherwise. I been Christain my whole life and I feel like god is telling me something but idk man just really Lost and confused I don’t even enjoy doing activities anymore

So. My bf & I have one boundary each. His is for me to not snoop on his phone. Mine is for him to not communicate with girls from the past, even a simple hello Idc. I never asked him to delete them so he has pretty much every girl he’s been intimate with on his socials. They never reach out to him, but he will reply to their stories sometimes & it’s friendly but I don’t like it. The only way I have found out about this, it’s happened twice now, is by going on his phone. I’m upset because well I went on his phone & didn’t want to and that ate me up inside. And he now knows I did. And he threatened to dump me if I did it again. So I’m just anticipating him dumping me soon. It was my birthday so he wouldn’t do it now. But the focus has been primarily on my mistake. But, not what he did. And he brushed it off completely. He told me he didn’t care that i didn’t like that, that he’ll do what he wants kind of thing. Like any photos he wants and talk to who he wants. (He liked her photo while we been on this break which made me angrier) he was insensitive and dismissive when I explained why. We saw each other, he made a joke out of it saying “u don’t want me to like ____ pictures” and I was like no I mean I went on ur phone and u snapchatted her and lied to me. He didn’t know and was shocked. His mood switched for sure. He told her in the Snapchat he wasn’t allowed to talk to her cuz someone thinks they wanna fuck each other and the girl laughed. He has no thought in his mind what he said was not ok. Then in the car practically said he won’t talk to her cuz he doesn’t blah blah but if I go on his phone again he’s leaving me for good. Which I’m so sick of the threats. I was going to tell him to put a passcode on his phone so he feels more comfortable & also for me to prevent myself going on it cuz it is a huge issue for me myself. But we didn’t get that far. We’re still broken up/on a break and I feel like he only spoke to me because it was my birthday. He told me he didn’t care to talk to me much and I can feel the distance. We didn’t kiss or anything. It felt awkward and sad. I just am waiting for the other shoe to drop.

I’m so very close to starting medication. I’m at my wits end. My fear now that’s holding me back is that I will “snap” go into psychosis or manic and I’m already psyching myself into all these severe side effects before I even start. How am I supposed to do better on them if I don’t let myself have the chance or if I just convince myself they’re doing more damage?? Was anyone else thinking this way when they started?? That they would give into all their intrusive thoughts? Or what they already convinced themselves it wouldn’t work?

Intrusive thoughts of “your thinking about guys bodyparts” when I’m clearly thinking of girls and how beautiful they are… and I saw a triggering thing of a girl coming out and I had this feeling in my stomach… and as I was “m” I was trying to picture what me and this girl did weeks ago but it was giving me intrusive thoughts about how I was thinking of doing stuff with a guy… 😞😞😞

Does anyone else deal with this? I’ve had so many nights where I’ve been unable to fall asleep because I have to keep checking to make sure that everything is fine when something doesn’t feel right health-wise. Usually it has to do with my eyes, so I’ll be opening my eyes every few minutes while trying to fall asleep just to make sure nothing has changed with my vision. Tonight there’s a bump that popped up on my face near my eye while washing my face and it’s kept me up for nearly 3 hours now just to keep checking it to make sure it doesn’t look worse. I know everything’s fine I just can’t shake these thoughts that something is wrong.

I’m so worried right now because of a real event that I don’t remember when it happened but I used to have a stupid and embarrassing tickling fetish and whenever I would look it up on ifunny which is what I mostly used for memes or whatever that had to do with the fetish, I’m worried about the characters or whatever I’m the memes or whatever I came across on ifunny and worried of what if they were younger and I didn’t know it? Also at this time I struggled with self pleasure and whatnot (the m word) and that was a big part of it even though I had no idea, it was just about the fetish for me, nothing else. I’ve dealt with something similar but this time I’m worried about the characters and I keep thinking what if I was older than 18 because I stopped using ifunny for the longest time and then used it again and I’m so scared of what if they were younger and I had no idea. I remember when I went back I felt uncomfortable like it wasn’t right and I immediately stopped and never looked back since because I never had bad intentions and I sure don’t have them now. I would rather give up. All of this crap is making me want to give up regardless but you know what I mean. It’s so sad that I’ve struggled with this for years and now I’m obsessing about it because I didn’t know any better back then and it doesn’t matter what anyone tells me whether it’s my mom who knows or my therapist, I cannot let it go or forgive myself.

Please. Someone. Help. So in general I'm disgusted by incest. But there's also this little part of me that wasn't want to do it myself but like of I hear about two cousins falling in love there's a little part of me that's like 'I don't really care, they aren't hurting anyone right? They just shouldn't have kids and this is going to be really fucking complicated when they break up.' and like I'm not attracted to any family members, when I see stepsiblings porn I'm immediately turned off and shit, and the idea of having sex with a family member just feels very gross. But then last night I had this dream where there were two celebrity dudes I find attractive and like in my mind was like one is a sibling the other is a boyfriend, and then my mind was like no yk what now one of the persons is both or something? And idk all I remember is that I was attracted to the dudes and in my mind I had sex with them and it really turned me on, and then it felt like that thought turned me on even more. And like I've find myself pretending it more, but then in a different way when I'm awake where I pretend I'm the sister of like a famous artist but not in a way where we are romantically together because in real life that grosses me out. But then because they aren't my actual siblings Im also still attracted to them. Idk how to explain this because I know it sounds weird. The thing is, I don't even have siblings and if I did I would never do such a thing as commit incest. But this dream really scared me like what if I am attracted to the idea of fucking a sibling?? But the idea disgusts me, so could it only be that I fantasise of those celebs being an older brother or something? But then I always imagine it isn't romantically because that's gross. But in my dream I for some reason didn't care and listened to that thought and got really turned on. But maybe some factors for that is that incest OCD is my biggest fear at the moment and I'm on my period so weird sex dreams occur a lot. Can somebody help me out?????