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So I just turned 40 2 weeks ago and now I'm obsessing about dying.. like having a heart attack or stroke.. mid life crises... is my blood pressure too high..stuff like that.. nice ocd...

Hey guys! I have something that’s severely weighing on me. I don’t know if it’s OCD or not, but I also know I should feel guilty about it. My BF and I have been arguing, but we are working through our differences. I got drunk yesterday and I was chatting with one of his “friends” at the bar. I already struggle with ROCD. Tbh, his friend could possibly be a good match for me and he’s attractive. We could be a good fit for each other if I were single, but I don’t even know if that’s true. It doesn’t matter because I’m with my BF. While we were chatting, he said a couple of flirty things to me, and I had this overwhelming feeling while we were talking that I wanted to be with him and not my BF. Like so overwhelming that I was thinking wow oh my gosh if I had to choose right now I might choose this guy instead, we would have such a better relationship, etc. I didn’t want my BF to come over because I wanted to be with this guy. Yes, this situation sounds HORRIBLE I know. I didn’t act on this, it was just in my head. Or at least, I sure hope I didn’t and am not forgetting something :( that’s a worry I have. First, obviously the guy shouldn’t be flirting with me. Second, it felt good that he felt an attraction back to me, and I hate that because I don’t want to even think that way. Today, I’m disgusted by my thoughts and those overwhelming feelings in that moment. I feel so overwhelmed with guilt and I love my BF and want to be with him. I’m not sure if these thoughts were drunken wacky thoughts or if I need to tell my BF what I was thinking. Do I confess this? This seems more serious than just intrusive thoughts. Was it the alcohol? Seriously, please please help me🥺 I genuinely want to be with my BF and I don’t condone those feelings I had, I think it may have been super duper heightened due to the alcohol

i can't really imagine what life will be like without compulsions. i've done the same compulsion where i locked every app on my phone before sleeping for 7 months now! it really does feel like this fear has gotten worse. i have good days, but then i have really bad days. what happened last night really triggered me and i'm so scared of what could have happened just because i was tired i'm considering calling my doctor to get medication, since therapy alone doesn't seem to be helping on my bad days. has medication helped anyones thoughts? i just want a break and a good night's sleep

Hi All, I’m new to NOCD and any kind of online forums, this is my first post ever, so please be kind! I’m looking to see if anyone has any advice on struggling with OCD, particularly contamination focused, and struggle with lack of control, and dealing with living a partner and their dogs. I have struggled with OCD for as long as I can remember and moved in with my my now wife last year. Since we have been living together, I have found it incredibly difficult to manage my OCD in terms of not having full control of things and situations (which comes with living with a partner) and incredible anxiety around the dogs and how “dirty” and “contaminated” they make me feel. I struggle with dogs being all over the house, on the bed and on the sofa etc., and don’t feel I can cope or sit down anywhere through fear of where they have been, what they have been doing, and them making me feel “dirty”. Due to this I find I spend extended periods of time stuck in my office and my relationship with my wife id incredibly strained. Any help, advice, or support would be greatly received, thank you

Does anyone else get really scared that someone has overheard their therapy sessions? I'm really afraid someone has overheard mine because I often do them at home with my family here. I usually do them upstairs while they are downstairs and I shut the door but I'm still scared they've heard because the walls aren't super thick or anything.

Before I realized I had ocd, I would have this ONE panic thought that I couldn’t shake. Being in a long term relationship, and having intimate moments with my boyfriend, I would always get obsessively scared over the thought of being pregnant. I’ve been on birth control for the whole relationship but my brain never fails to tell me how I look so bloated, and that means I’m pregnant. I have panic searched for any sort of relief of ‘proof’ that I was fine. But in the end I would always get so triggered over being SOMEHOW pregnant. He has never finished inside, mostly pull out (way before he was going to finish) or actual pull out method. Also, he wants to finish inside next time we have sex, and I want to let him, to have that special bond with him but I’m so scared of getting pregnant and having a responsibility I desperately don’t want in my life. Again, I take my birth control (Junel FE if anyone is curious) and from all the reviews no one has stated how it failed them and got them pregnant, so I should be in the clear. Plus I’d most likely take plan b the day after I let him come inside…but I’m still so so scared. What do I do? ALSO what OCD does pregnancy fall in to?

Guys I'm really scared to talk about this but it's taken over my life at this point. Occasionally, I would get an intrusive thought that would be kind of racist and I'd be scared or I'll sit and think for like an hour of past situations where I may have been racist. It's terrifying because I talked to my mom about it and she laughed because she said I'm like the opposite of racist which I'd like to believe, but these thoughts are so triggering especially because I am also in a biracial relationship. I would never want to hurt him or make him feel lesser than me. I wanna show him off to the world but there's this put feeling in me like, what if you're only doing all this for him not to be perceived as racist? What if you don't actually believe in being with him and you're scared to show him off? Are you afraid what others think? And then I try to prove the thoughts wrong by disagreeing with them in my head and thinking about the past situation. I try not to compulse while with my bf because the last thing I want him believing is that these thoughts are real and are gonna make me treat him differently. Someone pls help like I can't keep thinking of the only person I love like this.

hii I think I might have rocd but I can't go to a therapist to get a diagnosis, I overthink a lot about my bfs looks, sometimes I find him really really atractive and sometimes I don't and I think really bad things and they make me feel guilty, and the other day I saw this tik tok comment section that really triggered me talking about how if you don't feel psychical attraction then you aren't in love, that you can't feel psychical attraction with other people, that if you feel guilty if because you're doing something bad and that if I would like if my patner found me unnactractive and it just made me feel like the worst person ever, I have been dating my boyfriend for 1 year and 3 months and I had moments where I felt like I had to end it all because of how painful my thoughts are, we don't see each other often so when we see each other at first I just focus a lot on his defects and it makes me feel so bad but when I just forget about everything I have such a good time with him, sometimes it feels like I don't feel nothing and it scares the living shit out of me, and then at the other moment it just feels like my feelings poof come back, or at first I find him unnactractive and then I find him really atractive and even his "defects" seem beautiful, but then I go back home and I just overthink about the bad part, or sometimes I find him unactractive and I panic and I think that if I were with someone more atractive I wouldn't have rocd (btw this is my first relationship) but then I just find him like the most atractive person that has ever existed and I feel security, but when I feel security then I overthink of other things, if I'm feeling strongly enough, if I'm being a good partner, and it's just so annoying because I really really REALLY love my bf, I want to live my life together with him and marry him because hes really something else, hes special and he truly is everything to me, thats why I keep fighting with my rocd, because he is worth fighting for and I really want to be happy with him, I always choose him even if my rocd gets really bad, he knows about my rocd and we have a healthy communication, he always supports me and tries to make me feel comfortable, and I just feel so guilty, it feels like I don't deserve him I don't deserve such a pure soul when I'm constantly doubting, he deserves the world but even when knowing that I don't want to let him go, it might be selfish but the way he lightens up my day with only one message with only listening to his voice with only spending time to him with only seeing him smile, his smile is so beautiful and pure hes such an innocent and beautiful soul it makes me want to cry, for some reason I just know that everything will be okay because I had stress attacks because of my ocd where I felt the impulse of leaving him, but I try everytime to control myself and to leave my phone beside me so that I can't do something stupid, and after that I see that he sent a message and It lightens up my day just like the first day we met, I'm not going to give up on him, even if I feel really bad icks or even if sometimes I think hes unnactrative or even if somedays I just feel like I can't feel anything, I want to be with him no matter what. also some other things that happens to me having rocd it's my fear of kissing, I had a bad experience with a person that kissed me multiple times when I just really didn't want to, I didn't say no because I thought he was atractive and that just because of that it would feel good, but it didn't, and it just made me become more hyperaware of lips at some point, so sometimes I focus too much on my bfs lips, and then I think that I don't want to kiss him, because what if his lips are too big? but then when I just stop thinking then I kiss him without thinking about anything, I'm still not used to kissing, it feels weird, but the fact that I'm kissing HIM it just feels right, it doesn't matter that much how the kiss feels, but the fact that I want to kiss him, and when I want to kiss him, I don't focus on his lips, I just want to kiss him because I love him, because I want to show him my love and I want him to show me his. to end up this, I think quarantine its what really messed me up, I have a past of not dealing well with staying at home for too long, in 2018 and 2019 vacations I dealed with existencial ocd and symptoms of anxiety (I had AND I STILL HAVE really bad insomnia, I also had trouble breathing I was hyper aware of my breathing, I feel like I was seeing myself from another body, I felt completely numb) but then I started school and everything just turned out fine, but in this case, I almost never go out, I don't even go to school, I tried to go to my bf school but they didn't let me in, being inside for so long messed up my way of seeing things, I've never cared that much about psychical looks, like yeah I have a past of confusing liking someone looks with love (and thats why it scares the living shit out of me to find someone atractive and it makes me overthink to the point of having nightmares about it and this happened with a friend of my friendgroup and I'm still scared of it like just the existence of this person gives me anxiety which is a shame because I really think theyre a good friend but yeah I had so many intrusive thoughts with that person that they just give me lots of anxiety) but I felt in love with many non conventionally atractive people and I just didnt give a single fuck because these people were mostly from my school so I just got used to their faces, so the fact that I'm locked up and that I can see my boyfriend like one time or maximum two times a month at the same place like literally visiting his school where theres lots of people and we can only be there for like 30 minutes it's affecting me, I hope I can start going out more often, I'm planning of going to a school of musical threathe that I used to go in 2019 when my existencial ocd was at its worst, and it helped me a lot because acting dancing and singing are my dreams and I love doing it with my whole heart, and I hope I can start to see him more often, to get used to his looks, go to his housee spend more than 3 hours with him and just enjoy, I've been dealing with rocd since june from past year and I hope that I can overcome it this year, I hope that if this doesn't work my parents get me a therapist <3333

Hey so it’s been a year with rocd and I fortunately got into erp very early on and getting in contact with my therapist. I’m kinda upset because after year, medication, erp, and therapy has not done one thing to help. I went to 4 therapists now (not on here) and I just never seem to get any better. I feel super lost and hopeless. I’ve been so scared of even getting close with someone because I dread the feeling. Just in case I’m doing things wrong can people give me erp examples that they actually used. My issues seem to feel like this…I like a girl and then I realized she’s not really my type in looks. But too me I’d rather have personality. Also I’m obsessed with having my partner look good at all times. The one moment they look bad or don’t look good seems to set me into an rocd spiral. Another thing is as soon as I get a girl I just don’t want them but as soon as they ghost me or lose interest I fall in love with them. It’s extremely annoying and hurting me. I have no money for therapy and my therapy group stopped because my insurance doesn’t cover it anymore.

Anyone else have ocd go away, almost completely, just to come back a month, year, or years later? And then you’re kinda stuck for a while again? I know recovery and it getting better is possible. I’ve done it so many times. It just sucks being in slumps like this!

HOCD: A recovery Story My HOCD began in July 2021/August 2021. At the time, I didn't even know I even had OCD. (this recovery story was inspired by someone here who shared their recovery story - user is bluebell) TW: mention of Comphet I remember when it all started. I was scrolling through TikTok one night, and stumbled upon a video that talked about the "am I a lesbian masterdoc" and this women was saying after reading it, it finally all made sense to her. I decided to open it (bad mistake on my part) and see what it was about. As I was reading it, I did relate to a few points (like I related to 2-5% lmfao) but those few points made me spiral and a million trailing thoughts. These few months were awful with endless anxiety, questioning, grief, you name it. Looking back I really don't know why I spiraled because of a document that was literally made by a 19 year old girl in the span of two days lol. September of 2021 was when things started clicking. I stumbled upon HOCD on a OCD forum and found stories that were CLOSE TO MINE. It was a 'holy shit this is me" moment if that makes sense. Learning about OCD really started clicking for me. Like I remember spending 4 months assuming I had a brain tumor but never did, it wasn't just a worry it was an OBESSION. It felt similar to my sexuality. So after learning about OCD and what it was, I went on reddit and came across NOCD which I am SOOO GRATEFUL FOR because I found a community of people going through the same thing. It was time to close a chapter in my life and move on. Mine were checking and reassurance. Like I would play romantic scenarios with women to see if I was really attracted to them and going back to see if I had any "memories" or "evidence" of me being attracted to women. I was trying to find certainty in these things which kept me going and going. What did I do to recovery? I let the thoughts sit there and ERP. I even went back to read the masterdoc and realize it wasn't really meant for me. I've notice a lot of straight women and bisexual women were relating to things on the document so why was I did I let this get to me? Before I knew it, progress was in the works and HOCD was just some background noise. To be fair, my HOCD wasn't that serious since I read something that had no relevance to me. I just let my OCD and thoughts get to me that's all. yeah I have thoughts here and there but now I can control them and know what I really want out of this life. If anyone is reading this right now, there is hope. Trust me, I can't believe I'm writing this because I remember being on reddit and NOCD for hours for certainty. If I can recover, you can too! Go to therapy, do the ERP, let the thoughts sit there TRUST ME you will be fine. Just a note, quit going on subreddits or forums because that fuels OCD. The reason you don’t see many recovery stories on Reddit (and NOCD) is because the people who recovered STAYED AWAY FROM REDDIT (AND POSSIBLY NOCD)‼️ Stop trying to fight this. The more you fight the thoughts, analyze, ruminate or check the stronger they get. Trust me, the minute you stop paying attention and importance to these thoughts, feelings and urges is the minute they start to become less strong and start to fade away. Recovery is possible - make the choice to change and know what you want out of this life. Don't listen to others and make decisions for you. Follow your heart.

Does anyone else’s ROCD blend with real event ocd and center around something their partner did in real life? My partner slept with someone else before he considered us to be exclusive. He told me about it months later, once we were mutually committed to each other in totally in love just so that we would have no secrets from each other. I struggled with it for a while but ultimately decided to forgive him. This happened 10 years ago and we have had the happiest, most supportive, healthy, loving, and fun relationship ever since (and have been married now for 3.5 years). But recently I haven’t been able to stop thinking about what he did. It makes me angry and disgusted and disappointed with him and I get so mad at him, to the extent that it may as well have happened yesterday rather than in the much distant path before he was even committed to me. It’s tainting our otherwise wonderful relationship.

My birthday is coming up in about 2 weeks and my friends are planning to celebrate with me and they told me they all got me presents and I feel so undeserving and I keep telling them no because I feel like if they knew my past they would hate me 😭

So I'm in a new relationship, and it's amazing. This is the first guy that I've been with that I can ease up and trust and have fun around without worrying they r gonna leave me (except when I'm going through a tough time w ocd). But I'm wondering if this is an intrusive thought, but i sometimes get this random thought in my head when I'm with my bf and momentarily he looks or sounds like my "ex" wasn't really a relationship but yea. And then, while asleep next to my boyfriend, I had a dream about my "ex" with his arm wrapped around me. In the dream I was kind of having fun but I was confused? I woke up freaking out because I don't want to think of him. like going into my new relationship I still had some moments where I missed this kid or thought about him and it was hard for me to get over what happened. Now that this is all popping up I'm scared I have like secret feelings for him and want to be with him. Is this an intrusive thought? Someone help lol.

So i follow an anxiety page and it was talking about sexual orientation ocd and some people said they came out bi,lesbian, gay. This one comment has me triggered, she says "just know if you have soocd you are not straight! " Id rather die then my sexual orientation be switched. I loved what i was and now i feel like i cant live a normal life. People are messed up...

Im in my first committed relationship ever but Ive dated people before. I kept wondering if it was bad that I still had contact information/texts from people I dated and I still followed some people I met on dating apps on Instagram (usually went out with them 0-2 times so not much relationship there), still had screenshots I took on dating apps of people (for reference, to send to friends, etc). No intention of contacting these people. My boyfriend never asked anything about it, I am creating this problem guessing in my head and wondering if am in the wrong and if this will ruin things or something. I couldn’t bear ruining things I love my bf so much and have no intention whatsoever of seeing anyone else and I think this is just ocd worries. But I was so sick of worrying about these things I started deleting pictures and unfollowing on Instagram and then i got anxiety about deleting/unfollowing them like what if he finds out and then thinks it’s weird and thinks I would cheat or I have to tell him about my relationship aspect of my ocd. But then it’s like I’m hiding something from him this is something else to worry about and now I feel guilty because I don’t want him to know I deleted all this stuff and i feel like I’ve created a problem that wasn’t even there but I don’t want him to worry and he knows about my ocd but not relationship ocd specifically and it’s so hard to talk about and I just 😩

Im so confused, i feel nothing for women, i forcefully check them out but i get no desire, im not even sure what I should be feeling towards them, ive already concluded that the attraction I used to feel for girls before was fake and frankly I think its true but now when im around beautiful girls I feel upset that I dont and cant feel anything for them. But idk if its making me upset because I feel left out or If I actually liked girls and im scared its gone forever now. Im also noticing guys more and more and it feels like I have genuine attraction towards them, not much anxiety, just attraction, things that I hadnt even felt for women, then I feel like Im trans and not even a man and want to change myself into a gir so i can act sexual with guys and it gives me arousal smh. My brain cant stop thinking, it hurts, its constantly active, even in the dreams i dont know how to think about other things. I feel like my ocd, gender and sexuality issues are all overlapping now. If they are then im definitely not coming out of this as a straight man, it just feels like questioning and discovery phase. Even though i wrote about all this confusion, i genuinely feel like deel down Im gay/trans, its like a gut feeling, i havent felt straight in 2 years and I dont feel masucline anymore either and I feel dissociated as fuck and as if im starting life all over again. I dont know what I want. Fuck me, im burnt, i cant go on anymore.

My boyfriend has had bad ocd for past year been getting therapy last 5 months he’s tried anti depressants as well. His friend also has ocd and he said to try apex cbd oil 1500mg purple flavour taste the best and Ashwaganda sorry if I spelt that wrong one pill a day we thought how could these two things possibly help we didn’t believe him until we tried it 2 weeks ocd is now not even a problem in our lives anymore 3 weeks ago ocd would be a massive thing it’s helped him and his friend and his therapist is even glad he found cbd oil as she said it does work for ocd and anxiety and lifts mood. His ocd was constant in his head and these two things has saved him. Apex cbd oil is sold in uk I know for sure and I think they do world wide shipping the guy who made the cbd oil has a back round of mental health. Cbd oil is good for you you can take it for the rest of ur life if you really wanted to. If anyone was looking for supplements to help reduce ocd anxiety and depression deffo worth a try both of the cbd oil and ashwaganda !

Hi all, I just joined this app today after finding its recommendation on reddit so bear with me. The past three weeks of my life has been a living hell. Out of nowhere, I started obsessing about if I need to leave my partner. So let me just say, I love my partner so much, we’ve been together for 1.5 years. The thoughts about leaving him are eating me up and pulling me apart. For three weeks straight now from the second I wake up to the second I fall asleep, all I can think about is how I feel like I have to break up with my boyfriend even though I don’t want to. Nothings changed in our relationship but these thoughts have sent me into a spiral. I’ll spend hours reading articles about staying together and breaking up, having multiple crying meltdowns a day about the thought of losing him and that I don’t love him anymore, and feel like I can’t make this anxiety go away unless we break up (AND I DONT WANT TO AT ALL.) This has given my physical symptoms of nausea, chest ache, stomach issues, and mental symptoms of a pit in my stomach, constant feeling of dread, obsessive thoughts that I can’t stop thinking, and the guilt is unimaginable. I love him and I can’t imagine being with someone else. I don’t know what to do anymore. Is this ROCD or am I a bad partner?

Anyone have ocd thoughts that relate to either the devil / bad spirits hell or scary things like that?