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I can’t tell if this is ocd or if I’m depressed or in a crisis the thoughts and feelings feel real and overwhelming and I’m scared

love hiking here, about a month ago i had the worst headache and non-stop intrusive thoughts while hiking with a friend. yesterday the thoughts were quieter and i had no headache while hiking with my boyfriend. i felt way more present. progress is possible and grateful that nature can help heal. 💗

I’ve (and my friends and family) have noticed that I have a tendency to flip flop on a lot of things. Like I’ll choose to do something then choose the other option shortly after. Is this related to OCD? Is it a common OCD issue? It’s starting to effect and irritate the ppl around me and myself included. I always have good intentions behind each of my decisions but it’s like as soon as I make a decision I change my mind on it and choose the other. I don’t know why I do this. 😣

Brothers and sisters, we have ocd. We must accept this first before any recovery can happen. Accept ocd is the doubting disease and that you cannot trust your thoughts nor emotions unless you've gotten therapy and understand what's happening. We cannot live a life kinda accepting we have ocd and also believing that it's something else and that we are crazy or bad people. We must accept we have ocd, that ocd makes us feel like that but that the reality is that we have a mental illness. Thank God for these good news! Good news? How is an illness good news? Well it means we aren't responsible for our thoughts and obsessions, we aren't responsible for the doubt and guilt that come from having intrusive thoughts, it means we are actually pretty good people that care so much for others, for nature, for our health, for God, you know what you care about the most because your ocd tells you all the time. God has a special place in His heart for the sick, imagine Jesus holding you always in His hands knowing you're sick knowing that you're trying hard to recover knowing that ocd causes you so much suffering, imagine Him holding you always and never letting go because He loves you and cares about you more than we can imagine, so now that we know this, what can we lose by seeking help? By resisting compulsions and ignoring the obsessions? Think about what you can gain, the reasons why you want to recover, tell God about it. You're not an exception, you're not making it up, enough is enough with the overthinking, you're not fighting alone, the Maker of Heaven and Earth is with us always, even if you don't believe He's with you and loves you as you are. Trust Him. Fight with the tools we've been given. God bless you and tell me what compulsions will you be resisting today? I will resist my swallowing compulsion and doors compulsion. We will win!

i keep telling myself i dont have OCD while doing a ritual and that i should stop pretending, so then i suddenly stop doing it. Sometimes i would keep thinking about that and i would start repeating in my brain 'you dont have ocd'. i couldnt even focus while writing this because i kept getting thoughts (not actual sentences, but it was as if there was a lot of noise in my head). I'm really afraid that i could be faking all of this just because i read so many articles about OCD so now it's like as if i do certain things because thats what people w OCD do, and in order to be diagnosed w it i need to do those things. I'm worried that i could be using the excuse of 'i may have ocd' to give an answer to and all the things that I do and did (say ''bad'' things, but not actually bad) and to excuse my laziness so i dont have to blame myself. Also i'm starting to believe that i'm writing this just so i could get what i want, which is being sure that i have OCD even tho i dont. I'm tired of all of this self doubting because i dont know what to believe anymore. People have it so much worse and maybe i'm just misunderstanding the acual symptoms of OCD and what I do are just normal habits. Are these all symptoms of OCD? I dont know if i'm looking for reassurance but it would be so appreciated if someone would help me. thank you a lot.

Hey everyone. So at the moment I’ve had a big OCD flare up. Mainly to do with how I’m feeling towards my boyfriend. I get such horrible ROCD, I think this stems from ending relationships before and feeling super guilty for upsetting someone. I never want to have to hurt someone I care about ever again! I overanalyse how I’m feeling towards him all the time, whenever we kiss whenever he tells me he loves me (everything is basically tainted by my thoughts) he is kind and the best boyfriend I’ve ever had. Even writing these things makes me feel guilty. I’ve spoken to him about these things a little, and he is supportive. But it doesn’t help, my compulsions are testing myself and confessing, so speaking to him is sometimes problematic. I’m dealing with SO OCD too, preciously I’ve accepted I could be bi, but have never fancied a girl, but the idea of being with one sexually appeals to me. I’ve always been okay with this but now it’s really troubling me and makes me feel like I’m actually a lesbian and not straight. It’s only made worse by the fact my SSRis kill my libido, and my boyfriend works in a very intense industry so we’re both just exhausted so the intimacy between us is less than it has been, again I overthink this. I’ve accepted ROCD will always be a part of my relationships, but I wonder how anyone else deals with things like this? I have some tactics I.e journaling and mindfulness but I don’t have the money for therapy right now & just really need some help because my life is entirely inside my head at the moment.

I was wondering if anyone could give me advice on obsessing over something that actually happened? Because I once did something very questionable out of porn addiction and getting caught up in a moment and I was wondering if anyone who has experienced obsessing over something that they feel guilty and shame about and it went against their values? And if so can you help me know how to deal with the guilt and shame that comes with the constant images of what I watched and remembering what I did and I’m just in disbelief that it actually happened.. but it WAS a mistake and I’d take it back in half a heartbeat 😔 btw before anyone asks I just don’t want to say what it was I’m too ashamed.

when you think about something your boyfriend or whoever do something wrong does anyone feel like and urge to act on the thought? or something, idk if this makes sense and most of time i get anxiety from thinking that, but there’s times i don’t and it makes me worried.

I posted a few days ago about my EOCD coming back, but not as strong as it did the first time. (Backstory, I suffered with EOCD from September 2020-July 2021) up to last Monday, I had zero symptoms. Hell, I could literally sit there and discuss simulation theory with people, and proceed to drop it instantly, so I don’t know why its come back, I have learned from my first experience and can see all the little obstacles OCD tries to throw at you when trying to debunk said theories or thoughts. I guess, what I’m trying to ask, is… why has it come back? Could it be due to the fact that the summer holiday is right round the corner, and thats when I had my first ever flare up? I don’t think I’m particularly severe with OCD, due to me being able to get through it the first time with no help apart from my own. Thanks for reading.

I feel like I'm going to be a psychopath and feel like I wanted to be that way. I think I will love to kill somebody, kill my family and it will be my passion but I'm scared to start. I feel like I really really want to do it. Please help me, I love my life! I want to be kind. I don't want to be like this. I don't know exactly what I want to be. 😭 I am so confused!!!!!!!!!!

Anyone on here recover from suicidal OCD and want to tell me about their journey?

34/f with OCD. Common themes are existential and schizophrenia. I take 150mg of Zoloft and have for 8 years. I have these flare ups around this time of year. Every year. You can track it through my comment history lol. I had a panic attack Friday morning when I drove my cat to get fixed. No reason for it either. Been taking my meds, been walking outdoors an hour a day. The only thing is that were on spring break (I'm a teacher) . Tuesday I did taxes, Wednesday I had my cochlear implant meeting, Thursday our new puppy went to the vet and Friday was Dojas appointment. However, I did have more down time than usual . I was actually admiring the sunrise and started thinking about how it would be weird driving home opposite of the sunrise and for some reason all the sudden I got that sweaty and cold feeling. So I spent the rest of the drive home trying to calm down. Once I got home I just laid in bed but felt better by the afternoon. Yesterday it was more weird/exetensial type thoughts (when we have a memory and we can picture it, where are we actually picturing it?) Which led to me latching onto that and doing the OCD dance of distract, think about it, have anxiety, calm down and distract. I don't understand because I'm doing everything I'm supposed to. It makes me afraid I'm getting worse or something. I drank last night because I wanted some relief from it. But now I'm paying for it this morning. Rolling panic attacks and sick to my stomach. It'll start as something benign, like remembering I left my daughter's shoes in the car, and I can "see" them in the car and then my brain goes "but you're not seeing it like you see something right in front of you. It's seeing in some weird dream type space" and I can't explain it and that causes anxiety because I can't easily explain it and then I get panicky and then distract myself and then it happens again shortly after. I've had thoughts like this before. About time, about an "inner voice" (how do you know it's your inner voice and not schizophrenia hearing voices type thing?) And I know this is the same existential theme, but the cycle and the feelings are terrible and I want it to stop. Im laying here, feet sweating, scrolling to distract myself. I feel like if I eat I'll vomit. I can't tell my husband I'm having this. It freaks him out which makes it worse for me.

did anyone go thru both of these themes? mine started out with harm ocd, i had a fear i was gonna hurt myself or someone else. for the longest it went on to hurting my mom, i was so scared i was gonna i couldn’t even go near her it passed. the harm ocd changed to existential, i got bad dpdr from it and still dealing with and now the harm came back. but mainly towards myself. i still get scared when talking about crimes and stuff, but even more anxious when i see people talk about suicide, etc. it makes me think i really am suicidal. i don’t actually have a plan, but one certain image and thing stick in my mind completely. i wont stay at my own house because my roommate owns a gun and i’m scared i’ll give into my thoughts and do it. but then sometimes i know this has been all new and overwhelming to me what if i got depression and now im suicidal. god this sucks. i dont wanna die man but at the same time do i wanna live if im thinking like this? its so overwhelming. not looking for reassurance just seeing if anyone else can relate.

possibly trigger warning i lost my mom on wednesday. i don’t think i’ve showered in like a week because things have been so stressful. i finally have time to shower today but it seems so hard. like once i shower i’ve washed off the hug and forehead kisses she gave me before she passed. part of me knows that that’s not really true though. i’ll always have those memories, but it’s just where my brain is at right now. is this normal with grief? i feel so gross and i really would like to shower because showers make me feel better but im so scared to wash off the little bit i have left of her.

Can i talk to someone please?

So my husband told me the other day that all he hears me talk about is OCD and my mom and dad. They are both turning 80, and not in the best of health. I am an only child. They were all I had before I met him 20 years ago. He was always a huge support for me with my OCD. Now I just feel like a huge pain. I can’t talk to him at all about anything because I feel like he really doesn’t want to hear it now. I finally found a therapist that gets me. She’s amazing! And I wanna be able to tell him about my sessions, but I don’t anymore. Im back in my shell again. I don’t wanna talk to anyone… just wanna disappear. This sucks.

Lately I've been having a lot of groinal responses, don't want them to be there. Before any of this even happened to me, I don't think I ever had a groinal response looking at another man, it makes me convinced that I've always been gay. I don't wanna be gay. This morning I had a dream about a rapper, it wasn't sexual but for some reason I was hard? I have always been a fan of his music and that's it. Now that's fueling my thought process even more and convincing me that I'm gay and I've been in the closet for a while At the same time i keep crying looking at my ex cause i miss her so much. Another thing to note that whenever i see good looking men or men that are gay i get groinal responses, whereas before this I don't think any of this happened to me. Whenever i look at these men i have to actively take a few deep breath's to catch up my breath, i can feel my heart beating. And most of the times I'm not even thinking anything sexual when ilook at these men it's weird. None of this brings me happiness at all. At this point I'm scared of my own groin cause i don't know what to expect or what's gonna happen. My brain keeps going you're in denial I've always been into women, as far as i can remember, I've lost complete attraction to them especially after my break up and getting depressed and having anxiety. And i keep thinking find a man attractive and if i get a groinal response, " wanna have sex with him" where as before any of this happened to me, these thoughts never even came to my mind, my 22 years of life feels like a complete lie and i hate myself, I've lost all motivation to do Normal things, i feel sleepy, i don't feel confident, loss of attraction, loss of libido, loss of will power, my thoughts keep morphing from " you might be gay" to "you are gay" to "you're bi" to "you're gay" to " you're in the closest" to "how are you gonna come out?". None of these thoughts make me happy, it makes me more confused and scared and kinda uncomfortable, and weirded out too. Another thing i did was since December till March i watched gay porn and barely got aroused and didn't really find it all that hot.? But my brain ignores that i understand now that it was a compulsive thing that's why i stopped but now i get so many groinals it's so weird Can someone tell me what's going on with me? Please please please someone take the time out of their day to read this and respond, thank you! 😩😩😩

So tomorrow I’m starting a diet plan and I’ve done it before but could never stick to it and I gave up but this time I want it to be different. Not only do I want to lose weight but I want to feel healthier and also have more energy and not feel blah all the time (besides how OCD makes me feel) but I was wondering if dieting helps with ocd or anxiety especially with symptoms? I’m so worried I’m going to put myself through all this and then it’s not going to help me mentally (along with ERP and medication) and then I will feel so much worse and more hopeless…also I was thinking about starting meditation and maybe even yoga or something like that to help too but not as a compulsion but for stress relief. If anyone has any success stories or any advice about this kind of thing let me know!

I was diagnosed with Pure OCD in 2020 and have been able to conquer most of my fears since. However, I recently started Zoloft and it had caused me to not be able to eat as much, sleep, focus or do much of anything. I began to have intrusive thoughts as I do but this time I assigned a "scary" voice to the thought after reading about Schizophrenia. I only hear the "voice" when I'm actively thinking about it but my fear is that it will evolve into something out of my own control. I've been extremely anxious since starting Zoloft and I'm aware that it can heighten those senses of being aware or "freaking ourselves out" but I can't stop googling if anyone else has created this monolog or given it a voice after the concern of Schizophrenia.

I'm not diagnosed but I've been struggling with my thoughts for almost two months now and I'm not sure if it's intrusive anymore? These thoughts makes me want to die and I want this out of my head as soon as possible, I don't want to stay like this any longer. February or January, I started studying and knowing more about the Bible, It is indeed, the best moment in my life, I really enjoyed it very much, being reunited with your creator is the best feeling. Before studying and reading the Bible, I showed signs of Sexual Orientation OCD and also during those times I studied. I felt so alive when I was with God and now I just feel like I'm slowly falling part. This started when I found out that what I've been doing wrong is not biblical and that's anti-christ, I was shocked and couldn't believe it and said to myself "I'm an anti-christ???" I just went to sleep during that time and thought that I'll be able to accept it when I wake up. Tomorrow, my first thought is praying to God but when I close my eyes, random images would pop up. While I'm praying there's image of evil or the enemy, that of course freaked me out and made me cry. My mother noticed and told me to stop what I'm doing for awhile (Studying and reading the Bible) I did what she told me and as soon as I got better, I came back to what I was doing. It got triggered again when I found out some of my friends are atheists and I'm not sure if it's right or okay to be friends with an atheists so I asked people for advice, they said it's okay and I thought "Yes, at least they're not satanist" that shooked me and then suddenly the thoughts started again and has been going on until now. I think this is my fault for thinking that way. I keep having thoughts that are disrespectful to God, my brain switching God with the enemy which is stupid, having other Gods which is the enemy, wishing to the enemy, offering stuffs for the enemy like food so I often end up praying a lot of times to cleanse the food, drinks, and even things in our house and those things that I saw with my eyes, and other thoughts like worship the enemy, go with the enemy, and other thought. I feel dead inside, honestly. I want to get better as soon as possible and don't want to stay like this anymore, these thoughts makes me hate myself. I've been not having that much sleep and I keep having those thoughts that I offered food to the enemy so I can't eat properly, the only way I was able to eat properly is by thinking that God prepared it for me. My dream is just to follow God, I was ready to leave anything for God but then I had these thoughts. There's some times I was doing fine, coping with these thoughts and then I would fall miserably again because of a verse that I heard that evil thoughts came from the heart? I honestly feel hopeless and there were times my intrusive thoughts influenced my mind. I really don't enjoy anything except spending time with God but even that, I can't do because of the thoughts that I keep having. These thoughts are really making me hate myself, I heard an advice to stop doing compulsions but then I worry about not doing compulsions. I get harmful thoughts about other people too, I honestly can't live like this. I don't feel like myself lately. I always feel like I'm lying too everytime I'm asking for help.