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working to conquer OCD
I looked at train tracks today and tried to convince myself to jump . I was feeling extra bad this last few weeks . Idk if it’s intrusive thoughts or the result of depression from ocd. I wanted to jump but I was scared
Does anyone have the theme of racism for their OCD? Am I the only one?
Christians please help if you can My mom and I got into a bad argument or fight and she went to church without me because I told her I didn’t want to go anymore and I got so angry because for months I lost my connection with God. I don’t pray anymore and my life is a mess right now especially with struggling with OCD and mental illness. So I got angry and started throwing things and saying why did God give me this life and if this is the life he gave me (of depression, sadness and anger) then I don’t want it and when I was throwing things I said f u and now I feel so horrible and filled with so much guilt I burst into tears and I asked Jesus to take me back and help me and that I was so so sorry for what I said because I didn’t mean it. I know deep down I still have faith but I feel so horrible I said f u because of what I was talking about and how I’ve been feeling spiritually. Will God forgive me? I feel like I’ve done with unforgivable sin and I can’t take it back but I will beg for Gods forgiveness forever if I have to. I’m so upset and I can’t stop crying. If anyone could help me please I would appreciate it
I really like video games. But I've found I only play multiplayer games, which sucks because I miss playing story games. I avoid the story games a lot of the time because I'm worried I won't be in the "right" state to enjoy them. I actually often don't watch TV shows, movies, read books, all of this stuff for that reason. I'm beginning to wonder if that's at least somewhat affected by "just right" OCD Just putting this here, wondering if others have had a similar experience.
I just went out with friends, I’m still a bit sad about the breakup of me and my boyfriend 6 months ago (I know long) and I’m really insecure. I went to a club and had a great time but I got sad because all my friends get the attention from boys and nobody comes to me, or they talk about my friends that they’re pretty etc. I’m so sad I want to do something about my appearance but I try so hard already and i don’t get what’s wrong with me I don’t even look that bad and people tell me not to worry. But why doesn’t I get attention from boys? I feel so rejected al the time 😞😞
So, i managed to calm myself again and I'm almost getting out of this theme that has been making me suffer for a while but last night my mind decided to generate a new intrusive thought that is really messed up and physically painful. It's a thought about my nail getting removed and i physically feel the pain just by my imagination. It's really painful and i feel like i have to press on my nails to get out of the illusion that they get removed, to stop imagining and feeling pain. I've never had such bizarre intrusive thoughts before.It doesn't cause me anxiety but it causes psychosomatic pain. Wtf brain?!
I am new to this wonderful community. I have not been diagnosed with OCD; however, I have been having intrusive thoughts on different themes since I was little. I recently graduated college, and this transition into adulthood is very difficult. I remember the day, I started to think life was very boring, and then, I started to have intrusive thoughts about killing myself. For 6 months, it has been pure torture in my head, telling myself to hurt myself bc life isn’t how it used to be. Although I would never act on these thoughts, I am now convinced I will someday. I really hate living in my head 24/7 and thinking about the same gruesome thoughts over and over. I wish I can be present in the moment like I used to be, but I just can’t. Now, I am unsure if it is OCD or if I really want to act on my thoughts. 😞 Also, thank you for taking the time to read my message. 💗
I'm not entirely sure if I have OCD, or not, but I'm too scared to ask about it or talk to someone in person/over call about it too. Maybe if I share what I'm experiencing, someone might be able to help me out and suggest something. Sorry- If it means anything, I'm 18 (female at birth) I've noticed over time a few things that seem to link to OCD, that I always thought were normal or not a big deal. But a few people have told me that it all adds up and that it isn't normal. Or the thoughts I get just keep getting scarier over time. I am in no way suicidal. I don't want to end things, I'm happy with my life for the most part. I have loving friends and family. But I get thoughts often of things like "What if I jumped into the train track and died." "What if I bled myself out." or even things that bother me the most; "What if I killed my friend? An accident? On purpose? What if they just slipped and fell off a ledge." These thoughts are so haunting, I don't want them, I don't like them. I could never bring myself to do these things but what if I did? I refuse to drive cars or go near heights in case for some messed up reason something bad just happens. It feels like all my thoughts are wrong, bad or immoral, which I admit most of them are. Why do I get them then? Then theres the smaller things. Such as refusing to walk/sit on a certain side of people. I always have to be in the left of someone. If not, I'll walk behind then or walk away from them completely. I won't get in a car unless I can sit on the left side, which unfortunately being in Australia, the drivers side is on the right. (Even so, I'm too scared of crashing to drive at all). A simple preference doesn't seem like much, I never thought much of it but apparently a lot of people find it unusual or weird. And I find myself getting mad and frustrated when they don't understand and try get me to change sides. It makes me feel panicked, it feels wrong and I hate it. Sometimes when I do something I usually do, if I feel like I've done it wrong it bugs me until I go back and try to fix it. If something isn't equally done, such as chewing one finger, I have to chew the opposite one, and so on. If it doesn't feel right I get angry and stressed out. It bugs me all day until its fixed or eventually leaves my mind after a few days. When I'm walking to school, or anywhere I usually go, I cross at the same places every time. (In AUS, and in a small town we only have 2 crossings so J-walking is normal) If I don't cross at the usual place, Someone makes me cross later or too early, I usually get mad and frustrated, which I feel bad about getting annoyed at them but at the same time it just feels so wrong and bad. I've also got a habit of washing my feet before getting on my bed, the thought of the dirt from my feet getting in the bed scare me. It just seems so gross, and apparently not everyone does this?? But apart from the bed thing and a few other germ-based fears, I'm not exactly neat or organised, so a lot of people believe there's no way I could have OCD, as I'm not obsessed over being tidy or clean. I'm sorry for the long-ass post/rant. It feels scary to open up like this but it feels a little safer to do here then anywhere else and thus has been bothering me for so long.
I've been having a flare up for a week and it feels like it's not lessening in intensity. I had a panic attack last Friday morning and since then it's been schiz-OCD/exestential hell which triggered my DPDR feelings and now I feel like I'll never get better. My doctor upped my Zoloft to 200mg, but I've only taken that for 2 days. Nothing seems to help. Not even saying "yea maybe this time you are going crazy, but maybe not." I even went back and counted days from my other posts when i had the last flare up and it seemed after 5-6 days it was better but right now it feels like it will last forever. It's been a week and I should see improvement but I still don't have an appetite and my feet are still sweating constantly so my anxiety is obviously still through the roof.
There's someone that likes me and I like them too. I have such strong feelings for them that it literally brings me anxiety which I can kind of compare to the anxiety I get from ocd. It's so intense. The problem is that I always feel like I'll betray them. I always fear that I'm going to start having feelings for another person. Today someone that I used to like texted me and I smiled at his text and I feel like I did something wrong. I have fears and doubts that my crush would get tired of me if we get into a relationship, but as I said I also fear that I will betray him.
I consider myself recovered from OCD. i still have intrusive thoughts but they no longer upset me. some days i really dont even remeber if i had any thoughts. I am so thankful to be better because it was SO bad at one point. However lately i have been grieving the 2.5 years of my life that i lost to constant intrusive thoughts and compulsions. It makes me so sad that i wasted so much time stuck in my own mind. does anyone else ever feel this way?
I'm trying not to see suicide as a solution to my problems but things keep getting worse and worse. I decided last year that if I wasn't better by my birthday (next month), I would kms. it was just an excuse to have a reason to keep going, but now i think my time has come
Anyone else gets thoughts sometimes about stuff that they did or may didn’t do and feels so bad and like everything is real? Or maybe even get a thought in that moment (for example about an „imperfection“ from the partner) and is convinced that they really think like that? And later when you resist the compulsion after a while you realize that it was all bullshit and just in your head? And then you are happy and free and light and then after latest one hour the next thought is hunting them? And does anyone also feels like they have to tell their partner everything they ever thought or think, feels guilty, the partner tells you to leave it and after a few weeks your mind tells you to tell them again?
okay so i am currently on buspar. its an anti anxiety medication. the medication gives me really weird head feelings, almost like a brain zap. sometimes its a strong feeling sometimes its just a constant weird feeling in my head. like some type of pressure. i’m currently dealing with suicidal OCD, i in no way have a desire to die or plan. but i’ve been fixated on one thing “what if i shot myself in the head” and i ruminate and sometimes get those head feelings i explained with my medicine which i feel like makes it more real or that i want to. could this also subside with the urge? or make the urge feel stronger than it normally would? like if i switched my medication if maybe the thoughts decrease because sometimes just the feeling in my head brings on the thought. i wont even think of it but will have that weird feeling and it connects with “shooting myself in the head” i know none of you are doctors and i am currently changing my medication bc i dont feel like the buspar has been working anyways just seeing if any physical feelings already going on can either cause the thought like that or if its just simply an urge/sensation?
Hi everyone! It’s been a long time since I’ve posted on here. Things have been alright but today, and yesterday, I have felt extremely anxious and just feel like I need someone to talk to. Lately, it’s felt that a lot of my anxieties and anxious thoughts are just intuitions. Many of them have been “coming true” or I’ve found out to be true. Obviously, this is causing me even MORE anxiety. I’m leaving on my first trip in 2.5 years this afternoon, flying home to see my family. Travelling also causes me a lot of anxiety, because I always get scared that something is going to happen while I’m away, or my some thing will happen to trigger my anxiety, and I won’t have the space to deal with it. I’m always scared that my trip will be “ruined“. Yesterday morning, I had an anxious thought that a friend was going to tell me some information before I go. She’s driving me to the airport today and I just keep imagining her delivering bad news before I go. This thought isn’t just made up in my head, it’s based on a real event that happened a few weeks ago and caused my anxiety to spiral. It’s hard to explain without giving all the details but basically I’m just scared she’s going to tell me something bad, and the more I fix it on this fear, the more I feel like it’s just another gut feeling that’s going to come true. I have to finish getting ready for my trip and I leave for the airport in just a few hours, but this anxiety is truly making it feel impossible. Thanks for reading, I really appreciate it
I don’t think I’ve seen anyone really describe what I experience with unwanted sexual feelings like I get this strong need to m*sterbate to these thoughts and it seems a lot like desire because of how I feel such a need to act on it when I would never ever do that I could never be a pedophile. But what if I’m in denial and one because of this strong feeling like that’s what I want to do and it’s not just a groinal response it gets really intense but I never have acted on it and never will. I would never in a million years want to hurt a child ever.. I just want to give up. I’d kill myself if I was actually a p and that’s what makes me think I’m in denial cuz I actually would do that if I ever gave in to the thoughts in any way… I hate this. And I apologize to anyone who has helped me under my posts because I am grateful for your help but it seems like no one with pocd truly goes through what I do. Also, I realize how annoying I’m being with the amount of times I post constantly I just am so desperate to hear that I’m not alone in my experience. I’m sorry
OCD can be hell. I know what it’s like. I have lived with it since I was five years old. I am going to celebrate my 57th birthday in June. I suffer from Pure-O. My latest battle involves dealing with living on the second floor. I just moved to an apartment which I love, but my OCD brain has been nagging me night and day. This wouldn’t make sense to anyone, but to me it’s business as usual with OCD. The more something me as to me, the harder it is to deal with. I find myself recalling every time I have been on a second floor and thinking about how I felt and remembering the persons that were with me each time. It’s a different way of living, a different condition, my brain tells me. I get saturated and snap at people. Then I think about how time is passing and I am wasting it with those ruminating thoughts and I get even more anxious. Then I think about work and my commitments and I feel worse. There is a light at the end of the tunnel. What I am doing right now is like massaging my brain. I let it out, I tell everyone what is going on inside my head and I feel better. When I am really feeling bad, I may need several sessions, but it always works sooner or later. I hope my story helps more than one person and I pray that it will not cause anyone’s symptoms to worsen. Please keep in my mind that we must give our condition, the importance that it warrants. By addressing our OCD we will defeat it. I am not an expert by any means, so please get help with the experts on this site. Kindest regards
I keep getting groinal responses when i look at good looking or feminine men... ? My brain directly goes into "cause you're gay" it's gotten to a point where it doesn't phase me anymore, i still don't want them to happen ofc but what really messes with me is that I've lost libido, and my attraction to women, i wanna go back to a time where i was happy when all this didn't happen, my thoughts keep using the fact that sometimes i didn't perform in the bed room against me as proof that "you're gay" even when i didn't perform i still knew i like women, but now whatever my thoughts give me i don't like it. Before i used to panic, now it's like whatever, i still don't like or want the groinal responses to be there and i miss my ex and me together so much. Sometimes i don't even feel anxious and my brain goes "cause you're gay" what's going on with me? I don't wanna be gay, at the same time i cry over my past relationship a lot. Lot of contradictory things going on and i have no idea what's real and what's not. I miss the old me, before this thought never even came to my head, now it's in my head giving me vivid images of men having sex with me basically convincing me that's what i want, the fact that I'm not fazed by it is making me think that is that what i want? And it's making me more confused, so yeah i guess i am worried cause it goes against how I've lived my life until now yk? Did you go through this? Or is this normal? If anyones reading this can you please tell me what’s going on? How do i deal with this?
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OCD doesn't have to
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