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Not during the effects but after it wears off, my anxiety and depression spike, especially after two repeated days, i feel so strange :/

I’ve been even more confused now, let me explain. Before as a compulsion i would read Reddit posts to get reassurance. In most of them i would read that gay people aren’t scared of being gay or liking the same sex . Instead they’re more scared of people finding out or not being accepted. Now when i first read those posts I’d feel relief, like hey Jai you’re scared of being gay so you’re probably not. I remember the first week when hocd hit me i was basically depressed and crying that I’m gay. As time went on and the power of the thoughts became less since they were the same thing trying to show me proof of being gay . I kept on ignoring them no matter how sad they made me feel. Now it’s basically used my compulsions against me. It’s concluded that I’m gay and i need to focus on coming out, just like they said in the article, any time i went soft , or couldn’t get it up, failed relationships, not feeling as stressed as before all against me. So all this has made me feel like I’m in denial, everything I’ve ever done with a woman, my entire life has been a lie. If i don’t feel as sad as before that’ll be proof that i am what i fear, as of right now i feel depressed about it. When i talk to people ofc i smile and talk somewhat normally. Ocd has completely altered my personality. Even when i go on dates I’d ask the woman are you okay with dating someone bi? They’d say sure they don’t care. And I’d get relief for maybe a day and then boom right back into again. I don’t feel good about any of this. I can’t even tell if it’s hocd anymore, i certainly don’t feel good about any of this, getting groinal responses to these thoughts, or having a dream about it, it’s all so embarrassing, little to no positive emotions attached to any of this . Lastly I’m doing erp but things are getting worse. I can’t tell if i have false attraction or real attraction. I’ve lost libido, when i see a good looking woman i feel nothing, when i go on dates i feel nothing I’m sure the mental block of going limp has something to do with this too, but gosh i was i was just normal again.

I made a comment thanking a guy for defending flat chested girls in his post. And then another guy came along and said: “I don’t think all trolls are trying to hurt feelings. I used to make flat jokes when I was younger because I sincerely found them funny. I didn’t realize the affect it had.” What am I supposed to make of it knowing that my body is genuinely hilarious to people out there? It’s like no matter what i tell myself the only option for me is some backhanded “beautiful on the inside” bs 😓

Help...I have terrible anticipation anxiety and this Wednesday I have to go to a three hour event where I will be presenting for two hours STRAIGHT! I have never done this before and I am SO NERVOUS to the point I want to cry and kill myself. I can’t do it! I’m going to fail and embarrass myself! Ever since Thursday I’ve been counting down the days until I have to wake up at six in the morning and get ready to go. That sentence made no sense. Um...I have been postponing this event for the last month and can’t push myself to go. I’ve never done this before..,I’m going to embarrass myself in front of forty people who are ALL more experienced then me. This is what I WANT to do though. I lied...I’ve done this event before and I failed...messed up every sentence I spoke. I’m getting anxious...I don’t know what to do! I’m obsessing (My OCD) over this and I think about it every minute.

I’m new here and wanted to say hello! I’m 33 and from the UK. I have had OCD for my adult life so far. But I’ve only learnt about what it is and how it affects me in the past 6 months. A relief to know it’s ‘a thing!’ I mainly struggle with Real Event OCD, which first presented itself when I was about 14 and had an overwhelming urge to confess something to my mum. Since then it’s cropped up every few years, always latching onto the relationships I value most, most recently my husband. I can go for weeks/months feeling normal (whatever that is!) and then it can come out of nowhere. When I’m deep in the OCD thoughts, I struggle to function and the urge to confess or seek reassurance is suffocating. Now I have a greater understanding of what’s happening in my brain, I’m trying to beat it for good. What keeps me going is knowing the darkness always passes, and there are happy times ahead. Wishing you all every success on your journey to finding some peace x

I'm having what I call "Death OCD." I don't even know if it's OCD. Ironically, I feel like it's going to be the death of me. It's been going on for a few months now and not a single day or even hour has passed by without my mind thinking about this. It's basically about how now I'm 16 but I'll be 76 eventually and I won't even know. I am so scared of time passing, but there is nothing I can do about it. I am terrified of death, and I often wonder how I will feel when I take my last breath, what my final thoughts and feelings will be. How will it happen? The possibilities are quite endless. What will happen after I die? Will I just cease to exist? Will I be reincarnated? Would I go to heaven or hell? It's inevitable. With every breath, I draw closer to it. The end of me, the end of everything? Sometimes I find myself frantically searching the Internet for ways to be immortal. (Singularity, longevity, etc.) Sometimes I find myself finding solace in religion. I've asked every single person I know about their thoughts on this, and they're so tired of me. They ask me if this is some kind of daily script from me at this point. Whenever I am with someone, I imagine their death. Whenever I see someone enjoying themselves, I wonder if they know they're going to die someday. Whenever I am watching a show, I wonder if the characters know. I think I'm going insane. I've been professionally diagnosed with OCD and I am on medicine. (I believe Prodep 20mg) It's not working. I am losing it.

Anyone here actually have same sex fantasies that really turn you on, but you don’t want to act on them? That’s what’s causing the confusion for me. I have intense, super arousing same sex fantasies that make me feel very detached from reality. I don’t want them in reality but I can’t deny that I have them. I don’t want to be in a same sex relationship but how can I even say that at this point?

Does anyone ever compare themselves to people on social media im a mom and do this all the time and worry I'm not doing enough or what if I don't love them enough and I constantly check to see if I love them is that a thing or am I a horrible person :(

I need some above from the ladies on here. My roommate and best friend knows I have feelings for her but I can tell she’s harboring something she’s not telling me. She’s scared that if we have a relationship we will fight and she says she doesn’t ever want to have that feeling towards me. The other day, and this is where you ladies advice comes in, she told me every time we watch a movie in my room or she’s even in there she said she’s surrounded by my smell and “pheromones” and it makes her fall asleep every time without fail. What the hell should I interpret from that? She mages comments about her sister being MY sister in law. She carried herself my girlfriend last night. Granted she was drinking, she’s always more open when she’s drinking. That’s why I always tell her to take it easy if we go out. I don’t know what to think of this whole situation. Advice or opinions are greatly appreciated.

Time for a change. I come on here mostly for reassurance and to feel better for like 5 seconds lol. I’m sick of fighting. I’m deciding to make a change. Today. Now. Who is with me?

I tend to compare myself with other people my age (I'm 25) and I've noticed that I haven't accomplished anything significant yet. I still live with my parents and I can't even work or study, because of OCD, depression and social anxiety... I just feel embarrassed about my lack of accomplishments and inability to stand on my own two feet. One of my biggest fears is, that if I try and get out of my comfort zone, I'm going to fail horribly... That's why I don't take any bigger risks anymore. And the more I stress about it, the less productive I am... I feel burned out... I know I need to take small steps, but I also feel like my time is running out... It's a vicious cycle and I don't know how to get out of it And man, the intrusive thoughts I get about harming myself right now aren't making things easier

What do you guys do when u have your Trigger word in your head and it will not leave for nothing!! You know what I mean? Because I’m scared to move because I know if I do my brain will say the trigger and I’ll have to repeat what I’ve done and everything!!

I’ve felt my R-OCD spike to this point where I am not entirely sure if I love my partner anymore or if the relationship is healthy or if they’re even the one for me. We are currently long distance, which makes it harder, but whenever we’re in person I notice my mood improve. The problem is that I’m not going to see her for quite a few months and it’s difficult to deal with, especially with these issues flaring up. I’m doing ERP currently, but I am okay with the uncertainty of other obsessions rather than this one. I’m not really sure what to do at this point. Any advice is appreciated.

Yesterday was such a hard day. My husband wants kids and I don’t. I gave him the opportunity to walk away before we got together because I knew he wanted them, and he told me he was okay. We got married almost 6 months ago and he asked me yesterday about a surrogate. I feel so depressed and just don’t even know what to do with myself. He seems fine and he says he will always want them and yes he might grow a resentment. I just feel like crap. I don’t know if anyone can relate to this. I feel insecure as a woman and a wife, just hopeless.

I’ve been having pocd for years . Today I was with my boyfriend and his little nieces . One of them wanted me to hold them so I held them . I had placed my hand on the side of her outer thigh like where her hip is for a second then quickly moved it bc the thoughts were pouring in and I felt like what if I touched her inappropriately. The anxiety kicked in . Me and his niece was in a room with his other niece so I went in the room where my bf and his mom was and she wanted me to hold her again and I put my hand were I thought I “inappropriately” touched . To reassure that it’s normal and fine . You know people hold their babies thighs while they hold them but some reason I got anxiety and thought I touched her inappropriately. My anxiety wasn’t too bad today . I told my boyfriend about my thoughts and the situation. He said it’s nothing I did wrong . He holds her the same way sometimes and he gets the exact same Thoughts But it ain’t severe like mine . But I still been thinking about it and the doubt kicks in even tho I’ve reassured myself and my boyfriend reassured me . Ik reassurance is bad but I needed it. And since I’ve been having pocd for years I have so many fears and everytime I hold a kid I sit stiff bc I’m afraid and I don’t feel that comfortable holding children since I have pocd . Even looking at children I can’t even do . I honestly wrote this post bc I want more reassurance since the doubt is still there . Maybe someone can comment they relate to this instead of reassurance. Idk. I’m sitting here crying in a bath tub. Just tired of this .

Okay this is going to sound VERY weird. But please it’s effecting my health and I need ways to stop this compulsion before it gets really bad. Btw I’ve had this compulsion since I was about 8 or 9 years old (I’m 24). Every night I have 2 prayers I repeat for almost 20 mins. One prayer in particular is praying for my health, my puppies health, and my boyfriends health. Before I pray for my health I pray really really really hard by applying pressure to my head and then I continue my little prayer and pray for my lungs, my stomach, breasts, butt, skin, etc while I touch each body part. Then I put pressure to my head and pray for my teeth. Then I put pressure to my head and pray for my eyes. And then I pray really really really hard and put pressure to my head and pray for my puppy and boyfriend. It’s gotten so bad I get a headache by the end of prayer and it’s hell if I keep messing up and have to completely restart my prayer. I do this EVERY night. EVERY night for almost more than a decade and my prayers have only gotten longer and added more compulsions to it. Please please help. It’s getting irritating and I’m dreading every night when I have to pray!!!! 😫😫😫 please don’t judge idk why I do this I just need to to make sure my prayer is the way I need it. I guess I have this compulsion where I feel the need for God to understand this prayer is really important to me so I’m showing him by inflicting pain on myself. Idk I’m weird and have weird habits and compulsions related to OCD. Just please help. 🤦🏻‍♀️🥲 I also am so embarrassed I haven’t told anyone this my entire life until I was just recently diagnosed with severe OCD, I thought it was normal. I’m embarrassed to do this in front of my boyfriend (I don’t want him watching me in the corner doing my little ritualistic prayer and touching my body like a crazy person)

My thoughts no longer feel intrusive. I think I might just be gay. I hate this, this is not what I wanted for myself.

Not in the best mental state at the moment. Therapy is tmw but I’m struggling with forgiving myself for being mean to myself and just stopping the mean comments in general. I feel stuck and I barley have any love toward myself

Has anyone experienced not being able to recall something you did recently? I don't mean several hours later. I mean like 5 - 10 minutes later. Scenario #1: Yesterday, I paused a video without being able to recall when I paused it. During this time, I was also playing a game and waiting for my group to get ready. And while waiting I was drawing. When the group gets assembled, and the encounter begins I get to the boss fight. The first boss fight isn't far... it's takes less than a minute to get to them. It was when I get to the boss fight that I realized "Hey, when did the video stop?" That's when the sense of dread and anxiety came out. I spend most of the morning today going through memory lane trying to figure out when it happened. Scenario #2: I couldn't remember if I closed the curtains or not. I was going to use the bathroom before I went to bed. I get up. I noticed that I didn't turn off my dac/amp. I turn it off. I set my phone alarm to 8:30am for my appointment. I make my way to the back bathroom. I noticed that the watermelon is out on the dining table and put it in the fridge. I also noticed before entering the living room that the curtains were still open. So, after I put the watermelon into the fridge. I go and close the curtains. I close the right curtain first and then left curtain. I then walk into the kitchen and into the bathroom. After I'm done, I wash my hands, and this is when the thought of "Did I close those curtains?" Initially, I thought "Not now, don't care." But as I get back to my room, I couldn't help but obsess. I needed to recall this information or else. I laid in bed trying recall this information until few minutes later in bed and I was like yeah... I remember the outside light was on. Then my anxiety calmed down because I'm pretty sure that was the case, even though it was fuzzy. Scenario #3: I couldn't remember when I signed into my password manager. The thought would come and ask me "When did I sign into my password manager." Then I'll get scared because I cannot recall when I did. The rational side tells me "Who the hell cares! Obviously, it's you who else knows your password. Most of the time, you sign into shortly after you launch your computer. Why is this a big deal? You never used to worry about this before 3 weeks ago!" So, hopefully what you can tell from reading these scenarios yesterday. I can recall mostly everything (with some errors I'm sure) before and after the event that scared the crap out of me. But the part that I'm trying to remember there's a gap. Obviously, when that happens the thought that comes out is somewhere along the lines "Oh fuck bro, it's here. It's here! You have Alzheimer's. You're fucked! Your life is over. This is the beginning signs of Alzheimer's!" Similar scenarios like this have happened a few times already... like between 5-10 times. Majority of the times, I'm able to explain it away. It's anxiety. It's tunnel vision due to anxiety. It's being distracted and, in your head, and not allowing time for your brain to actually encode that to your working memory. But as I say all of that there's always the lingering doubt... "Just wait... this is the beginning." "How do you know?" "These are signs." The list goes on. Anywho, has anyone experienced what I just laid out? You're able to remember mostly everything before and after but when it comes to the memory you want to recall in question there's a blank like in scenario 1 and 3. Thanks for reading and if you reply to this post. Thanks for replying.

How does POCD affect you? What are some triggers and compulsions that you have? Also how does it affect your normal life? I’m just trying to figure out how many ways this affects people because I feel like this has made my life a living nightmare.