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the NOCD Community

I deal with excoriation disorder/dermatillomania where I constantly feel the need to pick at my skin/squeeze/get out any content beneath the surface of my face via bumps/pores. I've actually never really had much acne, but due to the damage I've done to my own skin, it almost looks like I have acne scars. I mostly do it in the morning and at night when I'm in the bathroom/ in front of a mirror and although I'm aware it's harmful and can see the repercussions and red splotchy cuts on my face after, I'm having a hard time controlling it. Does anyone face a similar experience with excoriation disorder? If so, any tips or strategies I should try?

feel like i’m spiraling again.. this seems to happen when i start feeling better.. But basically I was just playing video games and it felt like I was flirting with them or try too show off, which is normal “the showing off part”, but it made me feel like I was doing it for other reasons, and I don’t know if it was a kid or not but my ocd automatically makes it seem like it is, and in that in the moment when im doing certain things in the game I’m doing something wrong, or even if im holding my nephew or my best friends twins, it feels like im holding them a certain way for a feeling but I don’t think that is the case, and then when I think I am I freak out and can only hold them for like 5ish minutes… I was doing so good, I haven’t even been posting on here, and I think what mainly has me in a spiral is that I got offered a job offer as a manager and she said we need too run a back ground check, and she as a joke said “literally to make sure you’re not a pedofile”…. I also have been doing compulsions again.. I stopped for a whole but now I’m spiraling…. and then also I’m scared my medication isn’t gonna work anymore because I have been on it 4 months and my moms friend said hers just stopped working out of no where.. and then when i hold my nephew or my friends children it makes me think i’m holding them a certain way for a reason and then my feelings get all messed up and it’s very distressing afterwards…. and sometimes even during because I feel like i’m holding them so awkwardly… idk just feel like my thoughts and feelings are a lot worse then they have been here lately and it sucks.. I would rather have my harm ocd again, or something else, I just want this to go away… and as I type this my brain goes “no you want this” it’s so weird how ocd is, and how it can take me calling something cute into something completely wrong or make me feel like I did something wrong and then I start ruminating and making it into something it’s not.. I just need someone to talk too, because i’m scared and I don’t wanna spiral again and be where I was again.

Is anyone dealing with SOOCD just burnt out? My brain does not stop, I can’t go in public without my brain trying to figure who I’m attracted to and who I’m not. At this point it makes me feel agnostic towards the opposite sex and still stressed about same sex attraction. Idk if this is just me

At this point, I don’t even know if it’s HOCD or really me and I’m just using OCD as a gateway. I can’t even recognize myself anymore. I was trying to do exposure by watching videos of women coming out to their husbands and instead of sitting with the anxiety, I just dug into the rabbit hole that is TikTok and looked into more videos. Then, I went into YouTube and saw different videos (again instead of choosing one because I couldn’t decide which video to do the exposure on - because I wanted to make sure whatever video I chose it would be the one that would work on ERP but it backfired). Anyways I am confused I don’t know what to do…I think I’m bisexual, however my OCD still likes to play onto that and say that I’m using it as a gateway from being a lesbian or that I’m supposed to be with a woman or that I’m not going to succeed in my marriage because I haven’t been with a woman. A little backstory, my mother has paranoid schizophrenia ( she got it from the military and it is the reason why she got discharged). Anywho, she would see and hear things that were not there (hallucinations). One of the many hallucinations would be “hearing revelations from God” My mom always thought to have this gift from God where she would say that He would tell her what would happen in the future or would tell her things about people. Anyways she used to always tell me God told her I was gay and whenever I had a crush on a boy she would say I was faking it. It went as far as her keeping my sister away from me because she said God told her I would do things to her. So my sister and I could barely see each other and Lord forbid my sister and I were alone together! If she looked away for a split second and saw my sister was next to me, she would hit me because God told her I did something I wasn’t supposed to. Even though I knew I didn’t hurt my sister, due to this trauma, I have grown with a lot of self trust issues - not counting the other traumas I went through at the hands of my mom (spiritual, physical, emotional)….and I was se*ually abused as a child by other people so it’s hard for me to be intimate…but OCD likes to use it as if it was a woman I would have no issue being intimate etc. I have a lot of spiritual trauma too as my mon usually said she had a vision that I was dead or that God told her my days were being counted because I was a bad person.

i miss being comfortable in my sexuality. i miss knowing i am straight with no second guess. i would be able to flirt with my same sex friends and know that i don’t mean anything by it, there was no feelings, etc. i would never second guess an interaction with same sex people. i miss talking with my parents about my future wedding, making jokes abt how my husband is in for a wild ride. there were no second thoughts. now i’m stuck in this loop, and everything is a second thought, everything turns into a long series of thoughts and questioning, ruminating, checking, etc. im so confused abt myself now, i don’t know what is true and what isn’t. i don’t know what thoughts are mine and what are run by ocd. i keep questioning if it isn’t ocd and maybe im just seriously in denial. i hate how comfortable the thoughts feel now. what if everything im doing and have done is just to prove im not gay, what if my whole life is just a lie. im so tired, and scared and sad. i just want to be comfortable again.

Is there therapy for me? To help me understand my sons OCD? He is struggling. Just starting a new med on top of Luvox. Clomipirine…. Spelling. I just don’t think anyone truly understands what he is going through or what I am going through.

I don’t know what to say I have no clue why am I even living in this world sexual orientation obsessive compulsive disorder has ruined my life I am 20 year-old battling this disease. Three months already I’m a heterosexual woman who has a boyfriend I see myself getting married to him one day but my OCD just wouldn’t let me enjoy my heterosexual life he is very supportive and understands what I am going through it seems to be so your real dad I question myself do I even have that type of OCD I keep saying to myself I don’t like girls that way it’s sort of became a pick up line to make my brain understand what he is telling me it’s not true I don’t know what to do please help

I feel like I'm not progressing anymore, just when I think i think I'm getting better and that my ocd is not as bad anymore it gets bad again. I saw something that triggered a memory of something I did, and I can't seem to let go of it, I been ruminating for hours but my brain won't stop until I "figure" the memory out, until I confess to someone what I did. I feel so guilty and I keep getting thoughts telling me that I don't deserve anything because I'm a terrible person. I don't know what to, I tried accepting the memory and the fact that I can't change the past but it feels like I'm just trying to excuse my actions.

I’m aroused by boys and I fantasise about them like kissing them and having sex with them and stuff. Like a couple of boys I find attractive. But I still have those ruminating thoughts if I not be a lesbian. Like not even about being bisexual what doesn’t come to my mind but only ruminating about being lesbian and I know it’s an obsession and I’ve read a lot and it feels like it’s ocd, and my therapist says it’s an obsession like ocd but I’m not diagnosed yet. Why does this go together like I’m aroused by boys but I still can’t get rid of the thoughts about being lesbian even tho I’m aroused with boys it makes me feel miserable and horrible

So ist just about ocd, I think I have a really bad anxiety right now about this topic. So i used to believe that i cant control my mind and i have to accept every thought but deep down it made me feel like a victim that i always have to accept how i feel and what i think, theres no other way... one day i had enough of this, because i saw that others who are doing this for years are still having the same thoughts, and i still felt bad and had the same thoughts to and i decided that i will find something else. So i found a good youtuve channel where they teach you that youre the creator of your emotions and you can control your mind. I learned that i have anxiety and low moods cause i have negative beliefs about myself and the world which i need to change then these feelings will not be strong. It helped so much and i saw that its better then just observing it and moving on, bc you actually see the problem and not avoid it. It helped me alot. Then today i had a negative emotions and i started to see what im telling myself, what thoughts i have, and this time i actually got lost in my mind. Or as others said i got into the rabbit hole of negative thinking. And i couldnt get out and i was so desperate that this isnt helping me either... Trying to control your mind and change beliefs just makes me more stressed, but just accepting it and moving on still will not help,cause i will still will have the thoughts and emotions without knowing why i constantly have it. What do yall think, are you the creater of your emotions, can you control the mind or not?

I haven't officially started ERP sessions yet with my therapist here and I may have to delay due to financial reasons but has anyone tackled a situation head on with good results?

Has anyone ever had instances where they found themselves attracted to a person but because you don't know their age for sure you start to worry and you begin to spiral down a bunch of POCD thoughts? This is concerning my latest relapse. I can't get my mind off of it. It looked like a woman my age and there was a 21 year old woman that I thought was attractive. The other fictional woman character during my relapse is my type of woman but doesn't have an age but I along with many people assume she is 20-24 but few days lower. What if it's much lower? Does that make me a p even though I genuinely assumed it was an an attractive adult woman? I'm always cautious of keeping away from any female that looks too young or anywhere where I have to question it and can only know for sure. Only then I can be cool about it

Anyone else have extreme arguments with their significant other? My husband and I are recovering addicts and we’ve always had very intense arguments. I also have bipolar 2 and I am trying to learn how to cope during these times. It’s hard not to be negative and say,”yeah this is what I signed up for.” Any encouragement or advice would be great.

Bro I keep getting groinals and checking out ljke looking at girls on social media and getting groinials and now I just had the most nastiest thought and I felt like I agreed with it :( it was so uncomfortable and I feel weird but I’m watching neon demon and I just figured out that the actress is playing a 16 years old girl but irl she’s not 16 and I noticed that I keep just looking at her butt and I even said “oh she doesn’t even have a butt” and I felt so weird after that, is it normal to have thoughts like this a bc I swear I feel like since I haven’t been haven’t that many thoughts I feel like these are not pocd thoughts :( and I feel no anxiety at all anymore and I even had a bad freak out where I was on like 1-7 day streak of not having thoughts and I had thought I became a p :(, then I think panicked myself back into them and the thoughts came back 😭 or the worries at least. Then I saw this boy on an edit from a movie and he looked really young then I keep thinking or saying he was cute but I felt like I was attracted to him or was and I feel like that’s why I said it, and he looked like pretty young yk so idkkk anymore I’m so worried and it’s been aching at me for awhile and I just had to confess bc I really feel weird and I feel like I’m becoming a p, and feeling like I’m so used to it and that it’s okay to have these thoughts and that I like thinking of this or idk it’s bc normal and I don’t like that like ughhh 😕 somethings wrong with me

On July 2nd I got triggered that God sent me a message telling me I’m going to hell if I do any type of sin. I know it’s my OCD but it feels so real, and it’s been severely bothering me this whole week now- it’s hard to go back to normal life when my brain is telling me constantly that I’m going to be doomed forever. Does anyone else experience anything similar to this? What should I do?

If anyone is sober, meaning they used to drink now they don’t anymore, I would love to hear some of your stories and how thay experience is going for you. I am about 8 months alcohol free but still struggle as the stigma behind nondrinkers is tough!

I’m feeling suicidal because of how lightly the conversation is taken when it comes to skinny and flat chest shaming. People usually talk over me or get mad when i bring it up because it’s not the popular topic. I’m not allowed to be in agony the same way people with other body types are. My childhood bullies thought this way, and now the rest of the world does too.

For the last few weeks I’ve been having terrifying thoughts when out in public, especially in busy crowds. Fixating on humans around me and how we exist, and then I start to think about how we all are skeletons/bones/have all these organs, and it is so scary. And then everyone looks so creepy and alien-like almost. And then how no one feels real and how and their limbs look too big for their bodies, etc And it makes me feel INSANE. I’m convinced something is terribly wrong with my brain. Has anyone ever experienced these type of scary thoughts?

I’m a younger guy and I was doing so much better with my medication and work but now it feels like everything is flooding back my debt is crippling, I’m thinking about absolutely horrific shit all the time, I worry nonstop that bad things are going to happen or if I locked the door. I met the love of my life and I can’t stop thinking about leaving her and I don’t want to I love her but the thoughts won’t leave my head. With all the thoughts about harming people my debt and leaving my girl I feel hopeless. Non of these therapists that are available seem to accept Medicaid and that’s my only insurance so I’m worried if I’ll even be able to get help. I do t wanna do any of these things I’m thinking about they make me sick to my stomach but I can’t stop and it’s taking over. I’m sorry for the rant but please can someone point me in the right direction?

For me I've been an anxious person my whole life but I quite literally remember the day this started. Something just clicked in my head and I've been stuck obsessing over the same thing for years. I know a lot of people say for them they had OCD happen from a young age and others got it later like me but I'm wondering if it was a spontaneous change for you like it was for me or was it some kinda slow progression into obsessions?