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Who has an OCD recovery story they wanna share? Could use some motivation.

I need someone who has Rocd to listen

I’ve been struggling with sexual ocd, im 13 btw so it’s only clear that this would happen at some point😡😡 anyway it’s Christmas Day and I’ve BASICLY been crying the whole time. I’ve always been close with my mum especially since I’ve been Ill and of course my ocd has decided to take a hold on that, I always thought I could tell her anything and and feel safe with her but this is somthing I can’t bring myself to talk about with her she’s knows what’s going on and she’s encouraged me to talk to her but I can’t do it. I’ve been having sexual intrusive thoughts about her and it’s horrible I’ve been having thoughts fetishising mother daughter relationships, lesbian and men realationships, r@pe etc. and I’ve heard of the groinal sensation but I’m scared what I’m experiencing isn’t the same thing like I generally think if I wanted to I could masturbate to any of theese thoughts, I know it in fact. And that terrifies me especially since I’ve thought of some those before on purpose. I feel like there not even intrusive thoughts and I’m just a creep. I think if wither away and die without hugs and now I can’t get any my ocd has taken away the one thing I feel safe with I’ve never felt so alone and scared. I would never hurt anyone but that dosent make all theese wierd wrong sexual fantasies any more ok right? Please help me I know reassurance is proven as bad but I haven’t had any and I’m too scared and tired of fighting so please just this once help me feel less insane whenever I’ve made posts like this before no one replies☹️I hope your Christmas is going better than mine 💓

So after a mistake I made while drunk, one I’ve taken the adult approach to fix, I’ve taken full responsibility for and not sat here at all playing the victim when I know I wasn’t, all my friends have left me. They shamed me, they didn’t act like friends during the situation, they didn’t think about the other perosn they fully blamed me and now I’m sat here wanting my life to fully stop. I felt eith someone who was in a relationship, I was fully out of it drunk off my head and yes I did know. However bevauzs of the alcohol snd the sex my entire body was taken over my these 2 emotions, I didn’t care in the moment. My thoughts were, and I’m not gonna sit here and say they weren’t, they were selfish. I didn’t think of consequences or who I couldn’t hurt. Yet I did it. Im not this perosn, why I did it im not sure why I didn’t stop it I don’t know. Thinking back is hard it’s so blurry I don’t even know how I got there. The guy was driving, he says he was drunk but idk what to believe anymore. Im not trying to excuse it im just explaining the story. Now I’ve lost everyone. I’ve told the girl and apologised, I told the guy to tell his girl, I’ve done everything I can. Im currently talking to someone who I really like, but they’re away till April and we haven’t even talked about seeing other people we both just expected we would be, but I know he’s been cheated on in the past and now im scared to tell him about this. Im not a cheater, I never have been never will be. But im scared he’s not gonna see it like that, idk what to do now. I know I have to tell him to be respectful, but loosing him rn after everything else I think it might end me. He’s gonna hate me but there’s nothing I can do but explain how much I regret it and im learning from my mistake. People make mistakes right? Idk I know saying I was drunk isn’t a good enough reason, but it’s the only one I have. I wouldn’t have done it sober, I wouldn’t have done it tipsy, I was completely hammered off my head and shouldn’t have been out or even in that situation. But nobody seems to care about that, so idk what im to say anymore. I didn’t do it maliciously, it just happened

Does anyone else think about life so deeply all the time, i have always been a deep thinker since i was young and ive had ocd my whole life so that has made me think 10x deeper. I always think and worry how we are all here and nobody knows why and the fact that we all die also terrifies me and we dont know what happens after we do die. Im terrified of the people i love dying . but i also have suicide ocd, i dont want to hurt myself ever but i worry that if i become so depressed that i will or something like that and that turned into an ocd for me, i really dont want to ever hurt myself but feeling depressed scares me. For years now it has been an ocd thing for me about the people i love dying and i have to do mental complusions every single day , although it comes in phases where its worse than others. It has gotten worse because my dad just turned 50 and i turn 19 in 6 days, life is changing and everyone is getting older and its been making me depressed and anxious and theres nothing i can do about it because it is life. I just want to know if other people feel the same also. Its christmas eve and im just depressed and i dont know why.

General statement/question for anyone who can possibly relate: I've been struggling with ROCD for about 3 months now, the typical "do I actually love him", "what if I don't and I'm just leading him on", "why don't I feel connected any more, this must mean something is wrong with us", "planning the future makes me anxious because we might break up"...the list goes on. I've been especially struggling these past few days. I want a big future with this man and I've never second guessed it until all these intrusive thoughts have come into my life with a bang. I hate them. I feel so emotionally drained and incapable of enjoying the moments I have with him because I'm constantly thinking about the things missing. The fact I struggle to stay present. As we all probably know the age old reassurance after an anxiety inducing thought- I do this fairly often, googling my thoughts and why I'm feeling this way. I am so beyond exhausted. I know I want to marry this man and a future with him isn't scary, it's just significant moments that trigger me and suddenly I'm spiring into the OCD cycle again. I just want to know other people feel the same? I've been feeling so flat and disconnected from everyone, especially him which breaks my heart. I know I love him, so deeply - even writing that my brain said "are you sure you do?". I just want to see if other people experience ROCD similar to me. Thanks

Please someone answer Please

I hate that idek if it is rocd this time, how can I go from liking someone so much to then a week later thinking u don't like her anymore you're guilty about it and u wouldn't care if u ended things you should end things it isn't rocd ur using that as an excuse that feeling just isn't there anymore even tho I don't want to end things with her that's why I haven't since I've felt like this

I've got a Christmas party with my husband's family this afternoon and there will be a LOT of people there. I'm so anxious to go because his family always seems to be sick with something. There will also be a few very young children (walking petri dishes in my opinion). How can I enjoy myself and not let the fear of catching something get to me? I'll be using my response prevention messages of course, but those don't always work for me. There's going to be about 35-40 of us in a small home exchanging presents and eating and drinking. (I will not be eating or drinking ofc) It really bothers my husband when I'm anxious and uncomfortable around his family and I'd like to be calm and happy and enjoy myself for him and for my sake as well. Any advice would be appreciated!

I feel in the way today. I’ve been a good person and ticked all the friendship boxes. I’ve distributed Christmas presents and even put up with the people I don’t like. When I have good friends and I am a good friend why is it at these times I feel like a burden. Maybe exposing myself as a good friend makes me feel vulnerable.

I don’t know what to do at this point everyday I’m stuck in the same loop because I have got it in my head that I like the feeling of doing that horrible thing. Because for some reason when I imagined doing it to test myself I got anxious but at the same time it felt like I liked the feeling of doing that and I don’t know why, I don’t want to do that and it doesn’t make me happy thinking about these thought so I don’t understand why it feels like how it feels to do that I’m stuck in this loop of imagining the thoughts to test myself then feeling like I’m getting no answers or they it feels like I do like the feeling and then crying and telling my mum about it. Everyday we’re having the same conversation because I can’t get over this. There are no answers for me, I don’t like the fact that it felt like I liked imagining doing that but I don’t get it. I wrote down how i feel so I can try to figure it out so 1. when I try to test myself, I don’t like bringing on the thoughts 2. I instantly get an anxious feeling and feel like I need to go poop.(sorry bit tmi) 3.I don’t feel like I want to do that but for some reason when I imagine it it feels like I want to do that or like the feeling or doing that, and it’s been really worrying me I don’t want to like the feeling of doing something so horrible and I know I don’t want to do that. I don’t know if my feelings are misfiring or I’ve confused my anxiety with ‘liking the feeling’ but it’s horrible I feel so worn out by this whole situation but i don’t know what to do, starting to worry that maybe I do have ocd but now I imagined how it feels to do that and I like it and it’s worrying me. The only other thing I can think of is, is it possible that I’ve been having these thoughts for so long and it’s felt like an urge and I’m frustrated from having the thoughts but when I tested myself and imagined doing that I some how ‘gave in to an urge’ in my thoughts so not that I like doing that horrible thing but because it feels like an urge and I’m frustrated that i don’t even know what I’m trying to say but I just feel terrible ‘what if I liked the feeling of doing that in the thought because it felt like a relief to give in to an urge in my thought’ but I don’t actually want to do that so now I’m crying and ruminating constantly, there isn’t a day I don’t cry and I’m just lost, I’m walking around thinking I like the feeling of doing that but don’t want to do that?? I don’t even understand these feelings myself like I don’t even know what part of imaging that is making me feel like i like the feeling of doing that? Or what feeling is making me feel like that because I definitely don’t feel happy imagining these things so what is this? How can I like the feeling of doing something but not be happy about it and instead stressed 24/7 depressed miserable crying and a mess? Please can someone give me and answer it makes me feel awful thinking that I like the feeling of suffocating someone, it’s honestly terrible and I’m just stuck in a loop or ruminating/deliberately imagining and testing myself and crying and I’m starting to feel like there are no answers for me and I’m just a horrible person with evil desires. I’m only 19 I haven’t even lived my life but I’m stuck on this idea/feeling that I like doing something so horrible please someone give me advice

Yesterday I seen a post my mates girlfriend posted on FB. I noticed on the pic some of her thigh was there, she has tights on I think. Anyway I kind of felt some arousal! I think she is an attractive person and I would never cross that line or anything as it's my mates gf! But why did I feel some arousal. Is it normal make biology or maybe it's OCD and feeling on edge by looking lol. Flipping mind!

Hi everyone, hope you all are doing well! I pray for healing for all those who are suffering from these unwanted thoughts. I want to share my story with you all to receive some guidance and hope. I am currently 18 years old and in desperate need for some advice. This can be a triggering story, so please read if you wish. I was molested at 3 years old by my preschool teacher. This has brought me a lot of trauma physically, mentally, spiritually,etc. I didn’t know how much of an impact it had on me, especially when I didn’t remember the incident until later on in my preteen years. I grew up to be a very shy and isolated individual. I was also bullied very badly my middle and high school years. About 6 years ago is when I had my first unwanted intrusive thought. It was about a family member. I started slowly disassociating with them. The thoughts continued getting worse and worse, and was about multiple family members then. About 3 years ago is when I started getting pocd thoughts. These thoughts give me so much distress, especially relating to my story. How can someone so evil take it into their will to harm something so pure and innocent. I get angry and cry every time I think about it. These unwanted thoughts affected me so much I get uncomfortable being around children. Please if anyone can give advice as to how they overcame these unwanted thoughts, it would be greatly appreciated.

Can you get use to the feeling of anxiety and it won’t feel that daunting/painful as it once did? When I first had this problem the anxiety was extreme and painful and I wanted it to go but now I’m worried that my anxiety that makes me need to poop isn’t anxiety and is excitement because of the evil thoughts I’m really scared I’m feeling as though I enjoy these thoughts and want to act in them and I feel conflicted and very confused I don’t want to do that but now I’m worried I’m bad and have evil desires please help, people say online that they know it’s intrusive thoughts because it feels horrible but the thoughts don’t feel really horrible anymore they feel like any other thought I don’t like them but they don’t cause me as much distress and now I don’t know if I’m confused or if I actually enjoy imagining doing those horrible things because it feels like I want to but I know that I don’t want to but my feelings are all mixed up please help

I wanted to ask anybody out there if anyone up there has the type of OCD that I have I have music playing in my head on a constant loop 24 hours a day 7 days a week I have conversations and I have music in my head when I'm falling asleep I have music in my head so it's hard for me to sleep and fall asleep so if anybody has any tips that can help me with this I would truly appreciate it. Thank you

Hello again. I'm having a bit of a struggle today... I worry about contaminating others with my "bathroom germs", and I know ERP would involve carrying on as normal say, if my shirt gets in my lap when using the washroom and touches an area of my body where there's been waste, but while rationally I know that that kind of thing isn't horrible and there's already "bathroom germs" EVERYWHERE... I am stuck. It feels morally wrong to PURPOSEFULLY go about my day despite knowing I'm "contaminated". I get lots of people don't even wash their HANDS... I don't want to participate in the germ spreading. I don't like knowing that MY grossness could be on someone. It's probably not harmful, but I feel like I don't have the right to do this, like it's disgusting and amoral somehow. A vent, I suppose. I want to start meaningful ERP but I can't get over this. Any advice? (Tagging as trigger just in case.)

(Disclaimer: I am simply writing down everything going through my mind here and all of the stuff I have been thinking. These are all the thoughts that are driving me crazy. I know this isn’t the type of post you’d typically see from me on here but this is just me letting off steam. I don’t advise people to try to answer some of the questions I’ve written here, but I’m human and and struggling. My recovery will not be as smooth as I’d like it to be. This is a journal entry of my headspace, but anyone can read it if they want.) TW: Physical attraction struggles- especially related to weight; doubts of relationship, and of some common treatment mantras. I want to let this out of me to see if it helps. I’m having a tougher day and struggling. My partner got a haircut yesterday which is hard for me because when his hair is shorter I think his face looks a bit heavier and his facial weight is more noticeable and distressing to me. He would like to lose weight and says he’s unhappy with his body but we don’t have the gym time we wish we did and it’s a bit of a drive. I also really believe you should be able to accept your partner as they are and changing them in any way is horrible, or at least wrong. Anyway, we decided to go out to breakfast, (I’m proud I did because I pushed myself when I wanted to stay in and forget the world,) and the whole time I’m quiet and trying not to focus on his face, my interpretations of it, his pudgy neck, lack of jawline, and what I perceive as plainness. Or if it’s actually okay. I’m trying to sit with it and let it pass without engaging, but the questions, which don’t even feel like ROCD at times, are driving me crazy and feel so overwhelming and frustrating. I know that ROCD can make you feel that you’re not attracted to your partner, and that I had/ have severe Body Dysmorphic Disorder (and am still overly worried about my jawline and still don’t use mirrors over a decade later) but I’m so scared of there being truth to this- which I get is a huge thing with ROCD. Is it even possible that ROCD (or BDD, if that’s at play here) could distort my perception of him at all? A little bit? To this degree? Am I seeing him realistically? I had a thought at breakfast that he’s a 3 or a 4 out of 10. >_> Do I really believe the whole “thoughts are just thoughts . . . and by themselves don’t have meaning” thing? Do other people think very differently and/ or see something different when they see him? If I could magically turn off mental issues, would his appearance be different to me? Would it be possible that I’d be okay with it? Could I possibly like it? Is this something that won’t change with my treatment and I’ll just get better at accepting it? Will I have to end this relationship if I can’t? Why did he tell me when we first started dating over 3 years ago that “I could probably do a little better than him?” I know, I know, I’m performing compulsions and doing exactly what I should NOT be doing. I’m ruminating, I’m judging, I’m rating, I’m entertaining breakup urges, I’m searching for certainty, and I’m comparing my perception of his appearance to others. I should be starving my OCD but instead I’m giving it an endless all-you-can-eat-buffet. >_> This just feels different and I’m feeling the need to get to the bottom of this and am so antsy. I don’t even know the answer to any of the questions I’m spewing. I feel like if I got the answers to these questions I could let go, and stop ruminating but I am clueless. The facial distortion aspect of these illnesses has always fascinated me. I know with BDD some attractive people who could be models can look into mirrors and see a 2/10 looking back at them. Is this happening here? I know it’s a bad and dangerous road I’m speeding down right now and this is a bad lapse. I’m just for some reason at a place where playing investigative detective feels right and sitting with this and letting it pass doesn’t feel tempting or the way to go at all. >_> Gahhhhh. >_> I’m going to do an exposure and try to sit with it. I hate this. 😞

I was on a forum when some asshole stated that ocd subtypes are hoax and not real and anybody going through anything related is faking it or just a terrible person making excuses. This obviously isn't the case but it still got to me and my mind was flooded with doubts about everything I've been dealing with for the past 7 years or so. Is it real? Am I faking it. Am I just a terrible person who's in massive denial? Did therapist make it up? I should know better but they still bothered me.

Ever since I started ERP I feel like my OCD is only getting worse. I have more intrusive thoughts and memories and they feel worse than they did before. Am I doing it wrong?

I any taking a therapy break.. After about ten sessions i don't think I've made the progress i expected Maybe it's the therapy approach the therapist I've been paired with or maybe it's me nevertheless i need to figure out how to fight this Ocd and maybe ptsd properly for the new year I wish all of us success in this terrible affliction and may we all overcome this together Merrrrryyyyy Christmasss everyone and happy new year in advance