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I’m so tired and drained, I feel like I’m drowning in my thoughts

So it has been a whirlwind the last month and a half. I found out 11/22 I found out I had colon cancer. An aggressive form. It rocked my world. But I leaned on my faith and my family(who were my rocks) after many scans, blood draws, and doctor visits I was set up for a traditional colectomy(laparoscopic couldn’t be done)on December 8. So I was told thursday 12/29/22 as of now they believe we got all the cancer and there’s a 90-95% chance I will not have this cancer come back as long as I’m diligent about my 6month scans and yearly colonoscopy. That said i could not take my OCD meds while prepping for surgery and for almost a week afterwards. This cancer has made me reevaluate my life and priorities. I’m making changes to my lifestyle, my diet, and definitely to my priorities. I told my wife in the hospital I wanted to be better and that this has made me realize there is bigger things to worry about than germs, and that I wasn’t gonna be taking the meds anymore I want to beat my OCD. But it has reared its ugly head the last week. Especially yesterday. I needed to get out and move some to help healing so we took our kids to Dave & Buster’s. Man it hit me hard. I took Clorox wipes(my security blanket) and I didn’t want to touch anything. And by the end I was just hurting and angry. And it just made me realize even though I KNOW it’s silly for me to worry about germs in regards to what I just went through, I still do. I feel utterly defeated. And now I’m wondering how can I ever keep my promise to my wife and myself when I can’t real this cycle. Any one have any suggestions? Or encouragement? I need it. Shooting for #cancer&ocdfreein23 Happy New Year everyone.

I'm just curious abt what anyone's thoughts are like when also being a people pleaser?

so i’m constantly worried of touching people l, grazing up or bumping into the them and the sort. sometimes when i try not to i like twitch, and it feels like i moved intentionally. i’m worried i bumped someone underage at a movie theater and that it was a case where it like felt intentional. i have pocd and i remember something involving some people at a movie theater a few days ago bothered me. at the time i told myself that since it’s a rated r movie you need to be 17 to go in, and i forgot all about it but now remembered that no one really enforces that. now 17 is still young so i doubt i’d have forget anything too drastic that could have happened but it’s still a possibility.

Hi!! I have hyper awareness ocd, mainly of my own consciousness/thinking/being alive, But I’ve noticed it’s extremely similar to those who have sensorimotor ocd with their blinking, swallowing and things like that. Those who also struggle with this, do you practice erp still? Are things like scripting good for this as well? It seems like complete acceptance is the way through I just get confused. How am I supposed to accept that I’ll be focused on this forever :(

hi all, i would appreciate it if someone helped me out here. i had a sexual encounter with my boyfriend two days ago. i wasn’t fully in the mood but i decided to engage in sex. it was a bit painful and i told him it hurt and we kept going. he kept asking if i was sure, that if i wanted to stop to just tell him. i told him i wanted to, but i felt like i was forcing myself. moral is - i can’t stop thinking about this. i have became so sad and i just want to sleep because this has caused me major anxiety. i keep thinking what if that was abuse? was that coerced if he asked to want sex? i need help. i love my boyfriend dearly and i don’t want to feel like this. thanks!

Does anyone with rocd have their feelings manifest to anger? Like every little thing my wife does, that I don’t 100% agree with, is a huge deal. God forbid its something important, it’s like the worlds coming to an end. I can logically tell that these feelings are not warranted but to get the feelings to follow suite is a whole different story.

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I told the guy off I’d say about a couple months before I met my boyfriend in over a weight loss thing that we discussed. The guy that I was talking to was really or seemed really interested in me and we were going to go on a date or two and before we could even do that we were hitting on each other and acting all fun and all that stuff and one day he said something that really got under my skin for no reason at all I don’t know it just got me really pissed off. He said you have to lose weight or eat healthy I forget exactly what he said but in his culture I guess they need to stay thin or something like that but I took it as he was calling me fat so I got into an argument with him and I basically told him I didn’t want to see him anymore. So basically he was telling me I needed to lose weight over cultural reasons I guess but I took it like he was calling me fat and he didn’t necessarily tell me that was the reason but I read online that people in his culture do take food seriously so later on when we stop talking I saw him in public and I started to feel bad. He waved hi to me and I felt weird because I have a boyfriend now and for months he’s never hit me up on WhatsApp or anything and I get this weird feeling that had we not argued about that little thing we would probably still be together. However I love my boyfriend so I don’t know why I’m having these feelings every so often I don’t know whether it’s just intense guilt that I had for flipping out on the guy or if maybe I still have feelings and it’s bothering me that I can’t figure out guilt from infatuation or what the difference between it is. I need to know what phenomenon this is because I don’t necessarily think it’s OCD completely. This happens a lot and I haven’t spoken to a therapist about it yet but I don’t know if it’s the fear that I’m making a mistake. There’s also times when I refuse to open messages from other men without my boyfriend present just in case I feel like I’ll hit on them or cheat back. A lot of it has to do with me I know for this particular reason with the not opening the messages without my boyfriend present part was from something that happened years and years ago where I was accused of cheating when I never did and a bunch of guys set me up because one of them really liked me and texted me and I told my ex boyfriend about it and instead I got blamed when I did literally nothing and ever since then I think I snapped and I’ve been stuck like this for years.

I been feeling "gay/bi" almost all day I feel alone and like no one relates to me, anyone else?

So I’ve heard of exposure therapy, but how exactly does it work? I’ve been having these same intrusive thoughts about smothering my cat/person with a pillow and it had made me wary of pillows, but it’s like the thing I e realised is that as long as I am not dwelling on the thoughts or thinking of them, the pillow doesn’t affect me like I can’t sit and stroke my cat and it’s fine even if there’s a pillow near me, but as soon as I start thinking of those thoughts it feels very scarily real that I would do that and that I would ‘like the feeling of doing that’ I don’t really know how to explain that but has anyone else experienced that? Where like you’ve been ruminating of testing yourself on a particular thought so much that it not only feels extremely vivid but feel like you ‘like the feeling of doing that horrible thing when you thought it’ I don’t know how to explain it because I know that I don’t want to do that I cry almost everyday and whenever I do get the thought I get instant anxiety and feeling of needing to poo and I even started getting this weird crawling feeling in my private part down there…it’s really weird, another thing is recently idk if this is stress related but when I go to sleep I get this weird feeling in my heart and then it feels like it goes through my whole body but it’s not a good feeling it’s a bit scary actually and recently I’ve been getting lip tremors when I’m nervous (telling my life story now) but basically when I have those thoughts or dwell on them they not only feel scarily real but I don’t know why it feels like I would like the feeling of doing that because I don’t want to do that, last night I was about to go to bed and I decided to stroke my cat before I went to bed and then because it was having intrusive thoughts prior I started trying to test myself again by having the thoughts and then it just felt scarily real and for some reason that weird feeling of liking the feeling of doing that came and it was really scary and horrible and then I feel like I want to reassure myself that I wouldn’t so then I go back multiple times to stroke my cat so try and convince myself I wouldn’t do that but it’s just really horrible, I keep praying I just hope things will get better. But basically as long as I’m not having the thoughts I feel okay around pillows the only reason I feel uncomfortable is because the pillows remind me I am ‘capable’ of having the thoughts, so it’s like in my head now it’s like okay when I don’t have the thoughts I’m much happier and feel better but when I have the thoughts it feels like I would actually do that and like the feeling of doing that so as long as I have the thoughts ‘I’m bad’ or have ‘bad desires’ I’m just worried idk what to do it’s really scary, and when I have the thoughts and walk away, it feels like something bad was about to happen or that I dodged a bullet 😞😞

It’s like the intrusive feelings are just consistently present… and then when I try to see my reaction to the intrusive thoughts, It makes me think I’m in denial when I dont ever want to ever be homosexual or bisexual in any way… plus it’s making me think I acted on my intrusive urges with this explicit anime content recently. I had no idea what the girls age was, but seeing as how there were signs indicating she was over the age of 18, I ended up m/o’ing to it… my POCD is making me think I’m in denial because of this… plus my HOCD is making it feel so real… making me feel like I’m either in denial or making me feel like I want the thoughts when I dont… plus sudden intrusive thoughts of dudes doing explicit stuff to me when I dont ever want to ever do anything with any guy in any way shape or form…

So my thought currently which im obsessing over is “what if 2 years ago when i was chilling with my guy friend i wanted him to make a move whilst i was dating my current boyfriend” So not even doing something BUT THE THOUGHT OF IT and i dont even know if i had this thought i dont think i did😭😭😭 I feel so guilty- my brain is twisting everything because i used to have a small crush on this guy but i didnt have it when i was dating my bf😭😭😭😭 I feell like i have to confess this because ive been unfaithful:(

Does anyone get extremely triggered by news stories, specially the recent Idaho events? Today really triggered my ocd and I’m scared to sleep etc cuz I’m convinced someone is after me just like those stories

Any fellow Christians who struggle with religious OCD, do you ever feel burnt out from your faith from managing obsessions and compulsions? I have a desire to read scripture and be with God, but it can also be a battle because a lot of my compulsions center around scripture. What encourages you when you get like this?

If you have walked through any of these things listed below, what helped you? 1) How do I make peace with the important moments that OCD ruined in my life? Some of these moments I had prayed for and looked forward to for so long. Then my intrusive thoughts, fears, anxiety robbed me from feeling present and joyful in some really important moments. I can’t get those moments back. 2) I needed therapy and support for years, definitely for undiagnosed OCD and other problems it caused. How do I make peace with the younger version of myself who tried to heal on her own and not get the help she so desperately needed? 3) Forgive those who played a role in stressing me out to the point that my OCD became excruciating in July. 4) Forgive myself for deciding to get friendly with those who ended up causing my stress and then long term OCD symptoms and depression to spike out of control, despite my better judgment. 5) Rebuild a relationship with God after turning my back on him, telling him he must not care about me because he didn’t protect me from these people and this experience. I feel like there’s a lot of self pity in my post lol, I guess that’s just where I am right now in my story! Encouragement and advice from people who can relate would be AWESOME. I really want to get better broken heart 💔 ❤️‍🩹 😕

Hey, I’m having trouble with intrusive thoughts lately and I was wondering if I even have ocd because I feel uncomfortable if I don’t solve the intrusive thoughts. I have the same themes showing up in my head all the time, they are suturing and not part of my character, but they make me worry that I’m a bad person, that’s why I need to solve, mostly I check the thoughts and analyse my emotions with it. I did go to the doctor , I’m waiting for my therapy appointment, I’m worried what if I don’t have ocd?

Can you really convince yourself you fell out of love? I know I shouldn’t be posting but I am so desperate… I wanna know if others have believed they actually fell out of love? I don’t know if I am with my partner for the right reasons.. 😞 I always knew it was ROCD but now.. it’s like.. I don’t even have it.. Kissing is the one big thing I love getting from my partner. I am a big baby when I want him to give me good night kisses. But it’s like I don’t want them anymore… that I am just forcing myself to kiss him.. I hate it.. I love giving him kisses… that and hugs.. my mind is stuck.. I’ve been with him for 12 1/2 years… I don’t want it to end bc we can make the relationship grow further with work and that’s what we are trying so hard to achieve. I know I love him ALOT. I am scared after saying I wanna break up over and over and over again… I actually convinced myself I wanna break up. I don’t feel anything anymore.. I want the relationship to live bc we are good together. I can’t see myself breaking up and I hate that I constantly feel or think I want to… it’s not fair… 😭 I am scared that I’m not attracted to him anymore too… I don’t want it to die so please someone help!!! I am going thru the grass is greener syndrome too…

Trigger warning for those that might get triggered by mention of ped0philic thoughts & suicidal ideation. I am 20 years old and have always wanted to have children young. My boyfriend and I have had discussions of starting the process of trying to have children, but recently my POCD has really been acting up. I fear that I am attracted to children and teens and I also have gr0inal sensations occasionally. This has caused me an immense amount of panic and depression to the point of me wanting to end my life. I feel like I shouldn’t have children due to my POCD. So, back to the question in my title. Should I avoid having kids since I have POCD?

My ocd serial killer harm thoughts // Schizophrenia fears are hitting the past few days and I totally fell for 2 compulsions. While I do feel stronger in dealing with it. The discomfort is still the same. Any words of encouragement?