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the NOCD Community

Hi. It sucks to not be able to afford the proper care you need. Anyone else relate? Argh.

Hi everyone, it’s been a while since I last posted here. I hope you are all well. Recently I’ve had a lot happen. Life has ultimately improved for the better mostly. But it hasn’t been all perfect for sure. Especially lately, I’ve been struggling with an annoying issue. I constantly feel the need to prove things about my self identity. I need to prove if I’m actually bisexual or if I’m faking it, or that I need to prove that I have ADHD/OCD or that I’m faking it. That I’m actually depressed or I’m faking it. That I’m feeling stressed or I’m faking it. It’s so frustrating to not understand myself at this fundamental level. I keep refreshing my for you page on Instagram to “prove” my ADHD symptoms match others, and when they don’t I get super anxious and freak out. When I notice other people have the ADHD symptoms I don’t, I worry I’m faking it. Same thing goes for my depression, for my moods, and for my bisexuality. It’s just… exhausting. To not know to this extent. Idk how much of my day it’s taking up but I feel lost. I’m on a high dose of meds rn so it’s not as bad as it was before, but it still exists, and I think this might be a part of it. Can anyone offer advice? Thank you

Ocd is ruining any chance I have of being content with my boyfriend. This is first time I’ve ever been in a good relationship after years and years of toxic ones with abusive partners. I don’t think I deserve him. And I tell him that. And I know it makes him sad. He always makes sure I know I am loved. He does everything he can for me. But he did admit that when he first fell for me, he didn’t know I was suffering so much. He didn’t expect me to have any mental illness. He has had doubts about whether this was all too much for him. I almost feel like I tricked him. A few months after we got together, I told him about the ocd. The intrusive thoughts and rituals. The depression, the trauma. And he lovingly encourages me to seek support constantly. This is why I’m starting therapy. But this demon in my head is too much. I just spent the last hour in bed crying next to him telling him how much I know he doesn’t want to deal with this. He doesn’t deserve to deal with my depression and mood swings and insane beliefs. I almost broke up with him. He just wants to be happy and I feel like I’m draining him. And although he disagrees with my worries, I can’t stop convincing myself that I don’t deserve any love. I need to get better and I need to distance myself from him until I am normal. I know that’s not healthy. I know my thoughts are irrational but the voice just won’t go away. I told my boyfriend I don’t ever wanna talk about my problems with him anymore because I feel like such a depressing burden and a loser. He is the only person I share all my troubles with. I don’t want to feel crazy anymore. I don’t want to cry in my bed and envision myself bashing my head against the wall to make the thoughts stop. I feel so alone. Why can’t I just be happy?

Right before my period I spiral SO bad. The intrusive thoughts and anxiety get worse. Can OCD be hormonal? Or have a connection to hormones? Why does this happen? Also side note, when I get an intrusive thought and the hit of anxiety I’ll clutch my fists or my pants. Is this normal? I think I do it to make sure I don’t hurt anyone. Does anyone else do this

My mom is calm. I don’t know what reality is going to look like but I know life is short. I was in pr back in the day and it’s a skill I had to develop for survival. I don’t know what taking care of my mom will look like, is she out of the woods. I’m not sure yet. Time will tell. I was “normal” and tried to take my own life when I became disabled. So this - this is why I think of business dinners and wine on a terrace. Escapism and life is short. I’m not taking care of her to the degree to her families’ expectations. They didn’t take care of her and there is another reason why I’d mention later. I am to blame for my part. But I’m happy she’s alive. Her quality of life - depression, thoughts of dying is what I’m concerned about. I also having to 🦆 ing move. That’s what organizations have been telling me for years. I’m almost at comfort with mixture of respect and lack All I know is that I need to get a job. Focusing on everything wrong with me. I gotta be aware. I got to get out of debt. I got something to prove and I don’t. I’ve moved to places where people don’t know me and I don’t think the states would make a difference and there are no opportunities for the disabled in india. I act strange. I followed Jess from YouTube mulitplityandme who made a career out of her condition, held work and school and I think she has a kid now. That’s where my mind frame is at. My moms alive. The hospital gave my dad visa confirmations for her family in india. I am not great at comfort, I’m great at finding who can do that.

what is considered severe ocd ? i know most people with ocd probably feel like it’s severe but i actually do think mine is severe

I am so sick and tired if feeling this way. I feel like my ocd impacts every part of my life. I am scared of anything. How can I change this? The last three days have been so so so hard, I feel like I don’t wanna live my life like this forever. Its so emotionally exhausting. What can I do? How do I make it stop??

My recent theme with rocd is my sexlife. Sorry if this may be too personal or triggering for some. I try to keep it short. So basically at the moment I have almost no libido. And I catch myself ruminating whether this is normal and if it has something to do with my partner. I start focusing on his imperfections and check my feelings and if I feel aroused. It makes me very anxious. I try to be kinder to myself and not force sex or anything, but for me sex is very important and I would like to have a fulfilling intimacy. Maybe that's why OCD is focusing so much on it. My partner and I had problems with it before because of a sickness he had for a few months. At that time all I wanted was to be intimate and close to him, but it wasn't possible. Now that it is possible I don't want anymore and I feel so frustrated. Maybe I'm stressing myself to much, I also have hormonal problems (PCOS, pms)....any advise on this matter?

My ocd is telling me I cheated on my partner 3 years ago but I don’t have any evidence at all. I keep thinking maybe I got my timing off because I was seeing someone a few months before him, but my ocd is saying that was at the same time. Any advice? Should I confess something that might have been three years ago with no evidence? How do I let go?

I had a really good day yesterday because I was able to manage my thoughts and identify them as intrusive. I had little to no anxiety and actually felt pretty stable throughout the day. Then, I went to sleep last night and had a triggering dream that I cheated on my girlfriend. I would never do that :( I hate these thoughts. If the thoughts involve my girlfriend, I feel like I have to tell her…..any advice on this? I ended up telling her and she said that I’m telling her to feel less guilty in the moment but at the expense of her feelings. This made me feel terrible 😞. The last thing I want to do is hurt her but I just feel like such a bad person having these thoughts. Please help if you have any advice 😕

I just saw 666 twice in a row and it scares me so much. anybody else??

Hey guys. I’m wondering if anyone has advice on differentiating something being a sign from God or ocd just coming into play. I’ve been having a lot of anxiety about getting close again with my ex. Lot’s of ocd worries aside from regular anxiety. I keep worrying that i’m not following God’s plan by hanging out and considering getting back together with my ex. That I’m just doing what I want to do and not following God’s plan for me. After me and my ex hung out recently a lot of things started popping up. I got an email about how to get over breakups. Right after i went on youtube and saw a video of how to let people go. Then i was doing my devotional the next day and thought “if this relates then maybe its a sign”, and the devotional had to do with God leading us away from selfishness and toward repentance and His will.

I struggle with a harm theme that surrounds my daughter. Someone on Facebook posted about a mother who had a psychotic break and killed her children. I started breathing heavy. My hands went numb. My chest went into a panic. It sent me into a cycle of worry and panic that I’d hurt my baby. I started crying. I don’t want to hurt my baby. And then because I get these intrusive thoughts it sent me down a hole of what I’d I have post partum psychosis. I then started my googling and saw that I had the symptoms of PPOCD and not PPP. And I felt better almost immediately. I was doing so good and now I feel like I’m doing bad again. I’m scared repeats in my head all the time. I am literally terrified I will hurt my baby. I feel like this isn’t normal. I’m so scared something is wrong with me. I love my daughter so much it hurts. I wish I could be like every other mom and think normally but here I am. Please tell me I’m not the only one. Someone tell me they also have intrusive thoughts of doing absolutely horrible things to their child. Tell me I’m not crazy.

I know you’re probably here because ocd is working you overtime, but please understand that you are NOT your thoughts. You are NOT your fears and you are NOT your anxiety. In fact, you’re stronger than all of it and the second you figure that out… the closer you will be to recovery. And yes, I said recovery.. because no matter how hopeless it feels now, others have been in your EXACT position and have still managed to pull a 180. If they could do it, what’s stopping you? Side note: NOTHING♥️ Stay strong my ocd warriors, and don’t take your foot off the gas. we’re driving until we see victory!!✊🏻

I think one of my OCD obsessions has become meta… what if my OCD just forever changes subtypes, and it evades treatment? Most of it is existential but worried about getting my subtype wrong or it being treatment resistant.

Do you struggle with mental compulsions? What do they sound like to you? Let us know in the comments and we'll try to answer some questions.

Lately I’ve been overthinking & feeling frustrated over some things that I need clarity on. Some background, I see a therapist in person and he recommends me some books to read like, no bad parts by Richard c. Schwartz and the road less traveled by m. Scott peck. To get to my point, earlier today someone mentioned and said that meditating sometimes isn’t good for OCD. I’ve been meditating for quite a bit with headspace and I love it. I don’t want to do anything that is unproductive towards my recovery with OCD, wether that’s from reading certain books or meditating. It really makes me feel frustrated because I want a clear answer as to what I can and shouldn’t do.

I'm literally crying now and feeling so much anxiety over the thought that I may have hurt someone's feelings today. Someone I love very much. I know this is most likely all in my head but the uncertainty it making me so sad. Basically what happened was Someone bought up a conversation which triggered one of my OCD themes. I tried to calm myself down but I had a million thoughts running through my mind and my body could immediately feel the anxiety rush! I tried to put all this aside and continue the conversation, acting normal. I'd just like to make it clear that the person I was talking to didn't say or do anything to make me uncomfortable. I simply felt this way because I had been triggered. I guess it's kind of good that they bought up a conversation that triggered me because it's considered exposure! Anyway as we were talking the person was acting something out and touched the top of my arm. I feel totally comfortable with this ofcourse but because I was going through so much anxiety I basically moved away and made it seem like I didn't want to be touched. The only reason I did and said that is because for some reason when I'm anxious I feel uncomfortable being touched in any way. Now I'm over thinking the entire conversation, what I said, how I felt, how it all happened and so on. I'm afraid that I made them upset or made them think I felt uncomfortable with them touching me. I don't know why I reacted this way. I'm so sick of living like this. After this happened I went up to bed and started getting the urge to go apologise to that person and explain the situation. I'm not going to do that because it's a compulsion and I wouldn't even know what to say in the first place. After all the person most likely isn't thinking about the whole situation the way I am because they don't have OCD and I do. I'm thinking instead of doing a compulsion I may just try to relax for tonight and then tomorrow I'll tell them that I sometimes act a certain way because of my OCD and that I just wanted to tell them to make them aware and get it off my chest. I think that's a good idea. They know about my OCD and are very supportive so I'm sure they'll understand. What do you guys think?

Can this be ocd? Hi all. Ocd has been destroying my life lately. I am a father to 2 young sons (1 and 4) and im feeling so guilty for my most recent ocd theme. Even though i think there is also some truth to the theme and its not just ocd. Im convinced that i dont want to live anymore, but if i dont why am i asking for peoples help? Am i going against better judgement? Whybdoes the question do i want to be here keeps getting drilled inside my brain? My wife told me if someone fully believes such a idea then they would not be here anymore. Then why am i still here? Even when i try and post on a place like this to find help i get the immediate thought which won't go away until i stop typing; 'why are you doing this? You dont want to love right? Stop lying to yourself by pretending you do want to be here' and many more of such thoughts.

I’ll be honest I am mostly overthinking it and some words of encouragement would be nice but I am just ranting my worst fears here. What if all my worst fears come true? What if she concludes that this is pedophilia and not ocd and I was just using ocd as an excuse? What if she says that I am crazy and that I’m gonna get locked up in a psych ward? What if she says that I was always a psychopath who got off to people being in pain? What if these pedophilia thoughts have always been here even though I really want them to go away it’s like I just can’t do it. I want these thoughts to lessen and I want my groinal responses and other bodily responses to go away and I want to live life and show love to everybody without thinking I have some ulterior motive. I’m hoping I can get my answers because I’m gonna be spending a lot of money that I don’t really have because my insurance won’t do me any favors. I hope everything will be okay.